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It had seemed like a good idea – a smart idea, even. Suguru and Shoko had done it before. Multiple times. He had seen how they reacted to it, and it seemed fun. He… wanted to try it too. Every time, they would scurry off to Shoko’s room for a few minutes. When they came out, coughing slightly, they looked more relaxed. He wanted to know how it felt – because he felt like he was missing out. But… at the same time, he was… on edge… about it. He already knew he didn’t react well to alcohol, so… weed? It was a bit scary.
Not that he’d say that out loud. I mean, Gojo Satoru? Scared of a little plant? No cure nor sorcerer could match up to him – he was the strongest. No, the mighty Gojo Satoru feared nothing.
Outwardly, at least.
But, well, he wanted to try it, yes. He wanted to test it out, and he knew his friends were… experienced. He trusted them to take care of him if anything went wrong – Shoko was literally learning to become a doctor, so what was the worst that could happen?
At worst, they would get caught by Yaga, or something like that.
So, after weeks of watching them sneak off to Shoko’s room to smoke – since Shoko’s dorm was the farthest from Satoru’s and he had issues with the smell (and the fact that she was already an avid cigarette smoker), it became the designated smoke spot – he gathered up the courage to ask them.
Or rather, he would hint at it. Very badly.
“So, like, what does it even feel like? Is it the same as drinking?”
“Nah,” Shoko chuckled lazily. “It’s totally different. Makes you hungry, for one. And it’s relaxing.”
“hm. Yeah, and there’s no hangover, too.” Suguru added. “It’s just… a nice buzz.”
“What kind of buzz?”
“Ah… It’s hard to explain, you would have to try it to understand.”
“Hm.”
It took him a while longer to actually ask them. It was nerve-racking to do so.
Which was stupid – they were his friends, and it wasn’t anything serious. At worst, they would simply say no.
“Are you sure, ‘Toru? You don’t even handle alcohol well…”
Suguru had asked, when he finally brought it up – and of course he would, he knew Satoru best. But… he wanted to know. Wanted to feel what they were feeling. This was another… another barrier between himself and “the rest”.
Another limit. Another thing that separated him from them. He didn’t drink, because he hated the feeling of it, hated how it made his technique freak out. How it barely took a glass to completely mess him up, while the others could drink ten unhindered.
He would watch them sneak off to stink up Shoko’s room and would be all giggly afterwards, ravaging the snacks at some point or another. He felt like he was missing out – he wanted to know. Wanted to know what was so good about it – or so bad, since every adult in his life had warned him about “the dangers of drugs”.
His friends looked fine – they didn’t smoke all of the time, hell, Suguru smoked like, half the time Shoko did – they didn’t look like they were falling apart, so what was the issue? He also – felt like he had something to prove – that he could do it too. That he wasn’t going to react as badly as he did with alcohol, that his tolerance for weed surely had to be better than for booze. Right?
So, he shrugged, hoping the underlying wave of inadequacy he felt wasn’t showing. (Knowing Suguru, though, he already knew)
“I want to try. You and Shoko seem to have fun when you do it, I want to try too.”
Suguru smiled knowingly – it wasn’t hard to see through Satoru’s fear of missing out, or his insecurities. It was cute. It really was. He couldn’t say no to him.
“Well, okay. We can do it, if you really want to. All three of us, yeah?”
Satoru hummed with a bright smile.
“Hm! Yeah!”
Maybe he was a bit stressed out about it.
Okay, maybe he was a lot stressed out about it. And excited – but mostly stressed. He did want to try it, he really did. He wanted to be included and feel what they felt.
But what if his technique went haywire like it did with alcohol?
What if it shut down and he was left to his own devices?
What if he had a “bad trip”? Suguru had told him about how one time he “took too much”, freaked out and got sick – what if he puked?
What if it made him loose-lipped and he blabbed about things he didn’t want others to know?! Embarrassing stuff, like his… infatuation with Suguru? He almost did last time – when he drank for the first time – thankfully (or rather, unfortunately, for his head and stomach the next day), Shoko had made him take a shot right as he was about to say something.
The rest of that night had been… blurry, at best.
But, Suguru had promised he would make sure Satoru felt comfortable during the experience and that he could back down anytime, if he changed his mind. No pressure, it was his choice.
The smoking part had sucked – it tasted like shit and he had coughed his lungs out.
He had done as he was told. Although, he had apparently taken in a lot more than a beginner should. (The part of him with something to prove – as dumb as it was, as he was Gojo fucking Satoru – making him do stupid shit sometimes)
He had exhaled, emptying his lungs as much as possible before putting the joint up to his lips and inhaling. He had asked them to tell him when he should stop, but apparently, his reaction time on “Stop inhaling, idiot!” was a bit… slow. He held it in as long as he could, before his lungs started burning – he sputtered and started coughing.
The type of cough that ran deep, deep down his throat, where he felt like something might come back up. The kind of cough that ended with him folded in half, gagging and gasping for air. Suguru had seemed almost worried and handed him a glass of water to help dismiss the coughing fit. It helped a lot.
Shoko, on the other hand, had just laughed at him, stating proudly;
“A puff you cough is a puff that hits.”
Whatever that had meant.
Then, Shoko and Suguru had shared the rest of the joint, passing it back and forth until it was finished entirely.
He waited for something to happen – eyes tracking idly the blunt as it was passed between the two of them. He was slightly disappointed – it didn’t feel like anything. Had that been all it was? A terrible cough and even worse smell? The taste was awful too – he wanted – no, needed – to change the taste in his mouth. So, he made his way to the door.
He didn’t notice how the world wasn’t as bright as it usually was – how his Six-eyes was… dimmed down, as if his senses went from 11/10 to a solid 9/10. HE didn’t notice himself slowing down – or the world either – he didn’t know when the prickle beneath his skin had started either. But he was on a mission – they had bought snacks for this, he knew that. They were going to watch a movie, so they had snacks. He just… needed to find them.
The other two had to run in after him, Suguru catching him before he could crash into something. He ushered him into the shared living room, with the promise of all the snacks he could wish for. Suguru was holding most of his body weight, helping him sit down on the couch and took a seat right next to him, while he could only hear Shoko laughing from… somewhere.
It seemed like only a moment had passed – the blink of an eye, really – that he had eaten through half a bag of gummy worms. Then, disaster struck:
His precious candy had started to make him nauseous.
He took a moment to assess himself, to breathe and, oh – it was shaky. His – his breathing was shaky? His hands too – when had they started shaking?
When the breathing hadn't helped with the nausea, he reached for the glass of water, taking a few small sips and putting the glass back down. It… also didn’t help – and things were… urgh… not… fun…
He… God he was so shaky – trembling like a leaf – he didn’t know how he hadn't realized yet, but now he couldn’t... unsee it. He started leaning back – more and more until his back hit something and he realized he was practically lying down on Suguru.
He hadn’t realized how quiet he had gotten either – barely spoke a word since he smoked, nor did he notice that Shoko was stealing his snacks. Suguru was looking down at him, chuckling softly. The prickle underneath his skin had grown louder – now a buzzing… it was like… like bees… bees under his skin. A whole swarm of them – and his heart. Fuck, his heart was beating so loudly. It felt like it was beating too fast and too slow at the same time – so, really, it was probably beating just fine. But it felt weird nonetheless.
The world around him was so… quiet, though. Muted. He, himself, felt so incredibly loud. He felt… restrained in his own body. Every time he tried to sit up to snack, the nausea crept back in and his vision swam. The treats were calling out to him, so he still did it – every bite felt like a challenge, slow and shaky, followed by an even slower and shakier sip of water. Then, he would have to lie back down against suguru, afraid that if he remained upright, he would puke for real.
He still hadn’t uttered a word – too focused on… well… anything? Nothing? Everything?
He could see Shoko from the corner of his eye – she was laughing at his and feasting on his snakcs, but he couldn’t muster the energy to complain about it. He gave up on the cycle of “eat, drink and lay down” after the third time, opting to stay down, watching powerlessly. He mourned his worms, watching them disappear right before his eyes.
“Well, he’s not eating it – wouldn’t want it to go to waste!” He heard from afar. She sounded so far away, yet she was right there, in front of him. She sounded almost as if he were underwater.
The ceiling… also turned out to be pretty interesting, a perfect blank canvas for him to zone out in.
He felt – like putty. Like goo on the couch – full of bees still. Now more like a hive that had been shaken too much, and the bees were angry.
He could feel Suguru’s fingers carding through his hair – he didn’t know when they had gotten there, but they felt… nice. A big contrast to everything else that was happening at the moment. He could hear him mumbling and whispering s… something… about something… his brain couldn’t quite… catch it.
He tried to focus on his breathing again – keeping it slow and as steady as he could – focused on his heartbeat that was a little bit too fast.
Deep… slow… breaths…
In…
And out…
In…
And… out.
He was so, so calm. Totally calm. He wasn’t about to freak out, there was nothing to freak out about. He was just… making sure his body knew that too.
It was working quite well – the lying practically horizontally on Suguru and steady breaths were working quite well.
As long as he didn’t try to sit up quite yet.
Apart from the nausea and being unable to sit up, it wasn’t all so bad.
“Hey… Satoru? Love, you’re doing okay?” He heard Suguru ask. “You’re very quiet.”
He hummed half-mindedly, not yet processing the words. His mouth felt pasty and sweet. After a few seconds, he managed to speak.
“It’s… weird… everything inside is so… loud… there’s… bees?”
Suguru chuckled and hummed back – the vibration of his chest felt both soothing and disturbing. Like a deep growl or the purring of a cat – like the low rumble of a car as you drift off or an earthquake.
The high was… a lot different than what Shoko and Suguru had described – he was about as at peace right now as he would be while facing a curse. The one positive, was that his eyes weren’t overwhelming him; this was a plus, but everything else was sort of… messing him up. The feeling of his blood pumping, circulating through his veins, the physical feel of cursed energy all around him and beneath his skin, all of it was a bit too much.
“Yeah… You took a lot more than you were supposed to… But it’s okay, it’ll fade pretty soon. And then you’ll feel real good.”
He hummed back – the vibration in his chest melting into the bees inside. His glass of water made a reappearance – pressed softly against his lips as Suguru’s hand cradled the back of his head to stop him from choking as he drank, before laying his head back down.
Shoko had vanished – she was gone from his line of sight. Or, well – he turned his head to the side and she reappeared – beside the television, setting up the movie. He couldn’t tell how long it had been since the whole thing started. At this point, it could've been a few minutes, just as it could've been closer to an hour.
“What are you guys watching?”
Satoru felt his heart plummet, like, physically. He could feel it skip a beat and everything. It was awful. The voice was new – a new person – oh god – who was it? It was –
“woah, hey… It’s just the second years – you’re alright.” Suguru’s low voice whispered in his ear, making him shiver.
He physically hadn't moved – he hadn't even attempted to do so, but his heart felt as though he had just run a marathon – he might've whined a little. He didn’t mean to – it was just – the sudden appearance of new people, with the fact that he hadn’t sensed them before hand, had freaked him the fuck out. Which was weird, because Satoru was not one to… freak out.
He felt the couch shift as a new weight was added to it – they – wait, had they joined them to watch the movie? He wanted to ask, but everything was still too weird for him to open his mouth.
Which brought attention to himself.
“What’s wrong with him? He’s so… quiet.” The voice sounded worried – Haibara, maybe?
“Yeah… He’s high.” A female voice responded – Shoko – had to be, there were no other women here.
“Hm… yeah, he took too much, he looked fine for a bit, but adding new people to a high is… sometimes it freaks people out -especially if they’re as far gone as he is.” Suguru chuckled
“I… see…”
The movie passed in a blur. He doesn’t even remember what movie it was. Had he even paid attention to it at all? Well – it didn’t matter, it was over anyway. He stretched himself, his body a lot less shaky and full of bees than earlier, but still nowhere near sober. He repositioned himself, blearily realizing that Suguru had shifted during the movie and was lying behind him, with an arm hooked around his waist.
How domestic – wah! How – how – oh and great! His heart went back into overdrive. But not in a bad way, this time, he realized as a dopey smile formed on his lips. He barely registered himself snuggling deeping into Sugruru before passing out.
The next morning, he was pleasantly surprised to find that at least one thing from his friend’s description of weed had been true for him too; no hangover. His head wasn’t killing him, his body wasn’t all achy everywhere, and he wasn’t nauseous either.
He was, however, incredibly hot. And heavy. And something was tightening around his waist and – right! That – that was Suguru. Suguru’s arm around his waist, snuggling him in his sleep. After they passed out after(? During?) the movie.
He could feel him stirring awake – and –
“hmm… Satoru..? How’re you feeling…?”
He unconsciously tensed, but stayed silent. Suguru called him out – he could feel the smile on Suguru’s lips, which were touching the back of his neck and –
“I know you’re awake, you suck at pretending you’re asleep.”
A shiver ran down his spine.
“I’m okay –” he squeaked out before clearing his throat. “I don’t know if I liked it – it was weird.”
Suguru barked out a laugh before nosing at his nape.
“Well, that’s okay. You didn’t hate it?”
“Eh… I could get used to it.”
Especially if it ended like this, though, his heart probably couldn’t take it.