Chapter Text
Armin can only hear his own scream in the dust-filled aftermath. Hands slick in the crimson of his other half. His best friend, his soulmate, his dream… His nightmare.
Green eyes lie closed, never again to open and meet blue.
He tears his eyes away and looks up at his remaining family, seeing a similar look of anguish. However, Mikasa hid it better than he did, trying to be strong for him. She had always been stronger than him, in both body and soul.
She smiles a soft, sad smile, and his heart breaks once more. The three of them were finally reunited, but at what cost? How did their simple dreams fall apart so horribly? How did the boy who yearned for freedom become so enchained?
A flash behind his eyes distracts him from his musings. His thoughts lie speckled with new memories of oceans of flame, mountains of ice, ribbons of light in a dark sky. Of a crimson sea and a simple seashell, the only thing remaining of a once pure childhood dream. He looks at the man once more, the one who had given him all of those precious memories. The one he will now have to let go.
Mikasa watches in sympathy as he stews in his grief, as he chokes on his sobs before tentatively breaking the silence.
“You got your memories back, too, right? Of the times Eren reached out to talk to us,” she softly murmurs. He tears his eyes away from Eren and looks up at her.
He fights to find his words, wretched sounds slowly turning coherent. “I did…He said that…he would make a choice…that in the end…it would cause the power of the Titans to be erased from this world,” Armin gasps, the reality of the situation slowly sinking in. He was free from the curse of the Colossal, the thirteen-year noose lifted from his neck. But he was far from happy; he doubted he could ever feel such an emotion again. He’s lost too many important people for it to be possible.
He looks around at his remaining comrades, eyes locking in on Jean.
The man turns toward them, sorrow ever present on his face. “He talked to me too, what a conscientious piece of shit,” Jean mutters, eyes downcast and voice flat, ruminating over the memories his once rival had gifted him. That’s all he would have of Eren, his rivalry with the brunet severed with a bittersweet goodbye. He couldn’t bicker with someone who was dead. The dead don’t listen, they don’t see, they don’t respond, and they don’t answer the questions they left you with in their absence.
As Jean contemplates his new memories, Reiner stands there in complete stupor, his body battered by the battle.
“Eren…I can’t believe you,” he mumbles to himself, shocked at the unfolding events. The blond never thought he could ever gain forgiveness for his sins, the stain that his Armored Titan brought upon the world. But Eren, the boy whose mom he had killed through his prideful and selfish actions, had given him the hope that he could try to pave a new path. Why, Eren, why? Reiner thinks to himself, his own self-hatred rising once more.
Connie looks over at Reiner, chuckling to himself in disbelief before giving his own precious memory. “Listen to this…Eren told me that my mom would turn back into a human," he admits, feeling relief after what felt like years of torment. Many times, he had given up hope that this day would come, and even though he had given up on Eren, the brunet had given him back the only thing left that he held dear.
Sasha was gone, but at least he had his mom. He did not deserve to have her after the heinous actions he almost committed to bring her back, with his choice to weigh Falco’s life against his mother’s.
As they grieve, Annie stands there in silence. She looks over at the people she had once forsaken, now once again seeking their camaraderie. She had turned her back on them, while Eren never did. He deserved to be here more than I ever would, she thinks, with these people who freely give their trust and love. She clears her throat through the bubble of self-hatred that threatens to choke, trying to find words.
When they come, they come bitter. “He told me that he hoped we would all live long lives, but what about you? Why didn’t you worry about yourself? You suicidal maniac,” Annie whispers, wracked in her guilt.
Annie’s words shock Pieck, her former Marleyan comrade. The brunette who once held the Cart Titan cannot understand the sight before her, how these people could forgive the man who committed all those atrocities. She processes this information and shelves it for a later time.
She looks on as her temporary comrades mourn a man she never knew but wishes she did. She wonders what kind of person he was to make them look past his sins and still yearn for his presence. However, she will only ever be left to wonder and never know the man, an outsider among friends.
The brunette mutters to herself after observing the scene before her, “Wow, I’m feeling kind of left out, wish I’d gotten a chat.”
She knows she will never get an answer on how they could still hold him dear, but that doesn't mean that her curiosity with cease. Who was he that they loved him even after everything that he had done? What did he do to change these people's lives so drastically? How were even Reiner and Annie’s lives touched by his influence?
As she lies there pondering such questions, she's met with the sight of Annie finally moving to embrace her father after years spent apart. I should go find my father, she thinks. If he even managed to survive this long.
She gets up, finding a new purpose in the rubble, hoping her worst fears won’t come true. All thoughts of Eren had fled her mind.
Even as Pieck stumbles away to find her own father, another watches on. She wasn’t the only one who observed the heartfelt reunion.
Armin observes as Annie cries in her father’s arms, receiving a reunion that he can't help but long for. However, it has never been in his cards to have a happy ending. His family would only ever get cut down by this world, his parents, his grandfather, Eren…
He wonders when Mikasa will join their ranks or if his weak, useless body will join them first.
The trend continues, and he’s forced to watch as each reunion occurs: Gabi with her parents and Falco, Reiner with his mother, friends with friends, happy to be alive. There won’t be any reunions for him; the war is won, but he’s lost many battles, and his casualties were immeasurable.
Mikasa finally breaks his train of thought, and he's momentarily grateful before his heart once again weighs him down like stone. “I should go now,” her voice echoes, her words inspiring confusion and dread.
“Why?” Armin asks, thrown off balance. They had only just gotten back together. Why must they part once more so soon?
Mikasa’s expression fractures for a moment from grief before she’s able to rein herself once more under control. “Because if I were to stay here, they’d take Eren, and there’s no way they’d give him a good burial,” Mikasa explains, cradling Eren’s head once again.
Anguish strikes through Armin as he is forced to face the truth of their situation. Eren’s remains would be desecrated if it were up to his victims. He finally replies to Mikasa, “Good point, we should let him rest somewhere nice and quiet.” She nods.
Mikasa ponders their circumstances for a while before finally coming up with a solution. “Maybe the place where we always found him napping…” she offers, a soft smile making its way upon her face, battling against sorrow. A vision of a great, green tree enters his mind, surrounded by blooming flowers. Whispers of childhood memories, of the turning of pages, of bright eyes gazing into his own with wonder flood his mind.
Armin gently grins, eyes growing misty. “Hmm…I think that’s a good spot.” Mikasa gives another sad smile, melancholy coloring her gray eyes like paint spilled on a fresh canvas.
Armin cradles Eren’s head once more before relinquishing his best friend to Mikasa, heart shattering in his ribcage. He swallows his scream, holding the collapse in his throat. Mikasa can’t see him break—not yet.
This will be the last time he will see Eren, but he must dry his tears and carry on; he must fulfill the duties the dead left in his blood-stained hands. He must not soil Erwin and Hange’s sacrifices with his own ineptitude.
He gets up, lost in his thoughts as he watches Mikasa walk away.
But oh, he thinks, wouldn’t it be so much easier to go with her than face this utter shitstorm, to bury the one he cared for most in this world. To hold a vigil for all their wishes and hopes that would now only come true in his sleep. Such thoughts flood his mind, but he knows he cannot waver. He must dedicate his heart and lead Paradis up from the rubble.
Armin is left standing alone in the dusty haze as Mikasa disappears into the distance, not noticing a creature creeping towards him, its translucent body going unnoticed.
It brushes up against his legs, and before he can react, it weaves around him, rendering him immobile. The blond can barely catch a glimpse before it covers his face. Panicked thoughts race through his mind as he struggles for survival.
I thought it was dead!
He battles futilely against the worm, fingers sliding against its smooth skin, unable to keep his hold on the creature.
I have to fight; it can’t end like this. I have to lead Paradis into the new world that Eren sacrificed everything for; I can’t leave them! He thinks as his vision dims while fighting against his captor, his breath stuttering. The struggle seems to go on for hours, and with each passing moment, he can feel his energy diminishing, his limbs growing heavy as if wading through sludge.
I’m losing, I don’t have the strength to fight back! He cries, terror-stricken to his core. Damn this body, even after all this time, I’m too weak to do anything…Eren…Mikasa…everyone, I’m sorry…
He gets one more glimpse of his friends, their faces filled with horror, before his vision darkens. He pleads to a higher power for salvation, one more chance to stay with the people he loves.
I want to go back…, he thinks as a beam of sprouting light flickers beneath his eyelids. I never wanted any of this to happen. I don’t want it to end like this. It shouldn’t have ended like this.
Eren…I’ll be meeting you in hell.
His mind goes silent.
***
When his eyes open, he’s not met with fire and brimstone, but instead a vibrant green, birds chirping in the background amidst the pleasant breeze.
A young boy, no older than thirteen, with chestnut hair and verdant eyes, runs toward him, face twisted in concern. “Armin! Are you okay?! You passed out and wouldn’t wake up!” a familiar voice calls.
As he processes the face before him, his eyes burn, slowly filling with tears.
“This can’t be real,” Armin gasps. It has to be a dream; this isn’t real, but I so desperately want it to be. Oh Maria, this is hell, isn’t it?
A hell that surprisingly doesn’t hurt, he muses.
The boy stares at him in confusion. “What do you mean, this can’t be real? Did you hit your head? I’m very real,” he raises his hand, “How many fingers am I holding up?” Eren’s worried voice answers him, still holding that youthful tone before everything went oh so wrong, and they both had to grow up into the worst versions of themselves.
Armin gazes up at him and stutters, momentarily losing his voice due to sheer disbelief, “Th-three.”
Satisfied, the brunet lays down his hand, fingers loosely curling into a fist upon his lap.
“Okay, so you don't seem to have a concussion,” Eren replies, appearing calmer, the tension slowly leaving his shoulders. Armin watches on numbly.
That’s not how you check for a concussion, the blond absently thinks.
He observes the boy before him, hardly believing his own eyes. Green eyes not yet filled with hate and destruction, a smile free from the weight of his sins, and short hair that belonged in their youth. All things that he had lost and yet were once again before him in some unforeseen twist of fate.
He finally breaks free from his thoughts before taking a deep breath and questioning the boy. “Eren, what’s going on? Where are we? You died.” Armin’s heart is racing, dread making its presence known with the feeling of bile coming up his throat. His best friend was dead, decapitated before he could even reach his twenties. Barely an adult, yet forced to hold the weight of the world. And yet here he was breathing before him. What is going on, what is going on, whatisgoingon, whatisgoingon, whatisgoingonwhatisgoingonwhatisgoingon… what is going on!
Eren’s voice then once again cuts through his panic, his face twisted in confusion. “Umm, no, I didn’t, are you sure you didn’t hit your head? What’s your name and birthday?” The brunet reaches forward to lay a hand on his shoulder, concern coloring his tone once more.
“Eren, this is serious. I did not hit my head!” Armin barks back, panic momentarily forgotten. He then notices how long, golden strands frame his face. He had long forgotten how they would brush up against his chin.
It all felt so incredibly real. But it couldn’t be.
Eren squeezes his shoulder, sounding more worried by the minute. “Well, I am asking you seriously, too, Armin! You’re not acting like yourself. Now, what’s your name and birthday?!”
Armin shakes him off. “It’s Armin Arlert, and my birthday is November 3rd, you know this, ” He answers exasperated, his voice tinged with bitterness. It all feels so real, but it’s not. Don’t fall for it, you know better.
Eren’s face is laced with frustration. “Of course I know it, but I was making sure that you did, since you thought I was dead when I am very clearly alive!"
“Well, you weren’t! ” Armin replies, panic slowly creeping back. His voice echoes in the resounding silence, his statement shocking the boy before him momentarily, before Eren springs into action.
The brunet grabs both his hands between his own, a show of comfort to his panicked friend. “Well, I am. Whatever nightmare you had wasn’t real, Armin. The titans won’t take me down that easily!” Eren grins cockily. His voice is soothing, a gesture of reassurance, but it only draws confusion in the blond.
“Titans?”
Weren’t they all exterminated using Hange’s machine three years ago? It doesn’t make sense.
Wait, no, it couldn’t be… His breath hitches as he looks at the boy in front of him in wonder.
Eren is looking at him with concerned eyes, pressing the back of his hand against Armin’s forehead, checking for a fever. “What do you mean, ‘titans?’ You know, the things we are training to fight against, humanity’s greatest enemy? Those titans, did you sleep well last night? This is not like you. Maybe you’re getting sick.” Those words lit hope like a wildfire in Armin’s soul.
The blond grasps Eren’s shoulders desperately. “Wait, are we training to be cadets right now?” Armin demands, his voice rising in pitch. He must know if fate could be so kind, if it could give him a second chance.
The brunet looks at him, baffled. “Yeah, no shit, look at our uniforms,“ Eren points at the insignia emblazoned on the jackets.
Armin follows his finger, giving a soft gasp.
A cross of swords overlaid on an emblem lies on the fabric instead of the Wings of Freedom he once donned proudly.
His thoughts race, finally reaching their conclusion, sheer euphoria pouring off his body.
Holy shit, he thinks, I am back in the cadet days. That means…
He looks up at the boy sitting across from him in all of his glory, green eyes staring at him with kindness that he had long forgotten.
Armin’s lip curls as he fights back a sob of relief, eyes scrunching.
He’s real, he’s alive. He sniffles once, twice, and then tears start to gather in his eyes. He hurriedly rushes to scrub at his face.
Oh, Great Walls, I can’t believe it, I went back in time!
Armin stares a moment at his friend with wonder before launching himself forward into his arms. “I’m just so glad,” he bawls. “I missed you.” The brunet reciprocates the hug in confusion, giving the blond a questioning look.
“Uh, thanks, but we’ve been training together all week,” Eren stares at him once again like he’s lost his mind.
Maybe he has, maybe the stress of everything he’s done has finally caught up to him, and this is all just part of a mental break. But at this point, Armin could not care less. If this is insanity, he never wants to be sane again.
Eren reaches up to wipe up his tears, and he leans into the gentle touch, heart soaring. He then realizes he should probably answer his bewildered friend.
Armin pulls away before looking up at his companion. “Can’t I miss my best friend? We’ve been so busy training that we haven’t been able to spend any time together,” Armin tries to reason, beaming as bright as when he had first seen the sea in all of its glory.
Eren shrugs and drops the issue. “I guess that makes sense, just let me know if you start feeling off,” he replies. Armin nods at the brunet. He then continues, “So, what do you wanna do with our day off? Reiner offered to show us some new moves, but I’d rather ask Annie.”
Alarm bells go off in Armin’s mind at the name.
Shit, I forgot that those three are around at this point in time. Wait, that means everyone else is still alive. Trost, Stohess, and Shiganshina haven’t happened yet. I can save people and undo that bloody future. Also, knock some sense into Eren before he develops a savior’s complex the size of the Colossal Titan. I can also save Sasha; she won’t have to die! His heart quickens in elation.
He sobers up a moment later. I can’t let Eren go down the same path again. I need to stop him. And I can’t let him figure out I’m not the me of the past. I have to act normal. Armin thinks to himself as he looks at his best friend, gauging his expression.
“I don’t know, Eren. I’d prefer to do something with only you, me, and Mikasa. Like the old days, y’know?” Armin offers, hoping Eren will go along with his request. That was pretty normal, right?
Eren cocks a brow in question. “Like what?” he inquires.
“Let’s go to the forest, we were never able to go much when we were younger. Also, I was hoping to work on a little project,” Armin responds.
I must start planning now if I want to change the future for the better as well as everyone’s fate, he thinks to himself.
“What kind of project?” Eren looks over at him curiously. Armin smiles mysteriously.
“It’s a secret, I’ll tell you one day,” he replies as they keep walking down the path.
Eren frowns at his response. “Arminnnn, c’mon. You can tell me,” he whines.
Armin silently apologizes to him in his mind, knowing he must stay resolute. I’m sorry, Eren, that I have to lie to you once more, but I have to. You can’t ever know or everything will go to absolute shit again. Armin rationalizes while smiling brightly at Eren.
The blond placates his friend. “Don’t worry, you’ll be the first to know when it’s done, you’re my best friend after all,” he earnestly says, hoping it sounds believable.
Eren pouts but accepts his friend’s wish. “Fineee, I’ll be waiting. Let’s go get Mikasa.” Armin looks on in disbelief as his friend accepts his answer.
It worked, he believes me. Now, I just need to make sure neither he nor Mikasa catches on while I’m figuring out what to do. He zones out while they search for their friend.
As they walk on a gravel path through the base, loud with the bustle of commands and soldiers training, he observes the many faces of his once-fallen comrades.
There’s Thomas and Mina. He thinks while looking to his right. Then he glances to his left. And there’s Simon. He waves at the man he was once forced to betray. And oh…there’s Marco. Armin’s breath catches in his throat, and he swallows back the rising wave of emotions.
The freckled boy smiles and walks over towards them.
“Armin, Eren, where are you off to? Did you happen to see Jean? I found a deck of cards and was hoping to start a game with a couple of our friends,” Marco asks the two of them. “Wanna join?”
Before he can even attempt to reply, Eren starts speaking, and he’s silently grateful.
“Sorry, we’re looking for Mikasa. We wanted to go to the forest. And Horse-Face? No clue where he ran off to, but the less I see of him, the better. Maybe we’ll join later after we get back,” Eren replies. Marco laughs at his response, and Armin can't help but smile.
“I guess my search continues. Oh, by the way, I saw Mikasa talking to Annie near the training grounds. I think she’ll still be there if you hurry,” Marco offers helpfully as he slowly begins to walk off. “If you run into Jean, make sure to let him know I was looking for him.”
“We will, thanks, Marco.” Armin smiles and waves him off as he and Eren continue walking. The blond’s heart feels lighter after the interaction, Marco’s peaceful presence evoking a sense of calm that he sorely needed.
“What does he even see in that guy?” Eren asks out of the blue, his face marred with a frown.
Armin looks over curiously, caught off guard by Eren’s statement. “Who?”
“Horse-Face. He's just a coward who wants to join the MPs for a cushy life. People like him piss me off. And then he tries to act all high and mighty when he’s no better than the rest of us. Yet Marco still hangs around the guy,” Eren explains grouchily, kicking at the gravel in the dirt road.
Armin forces down a laugh, biting his lip. “Jean’s a good guy, but he just sucks at showing it. I think he would make a good leader if he put his mind to it, but he just hasn’t found a good reason yet. I’m sure he’d have our backs in an instant if we needed it,” Armin replies, smiling softly.
I missed this, he thinks, before noticing his friend’s expression.
Eren looks at him appalled, mouth agape and eyes wide.
“Armin! Have you lost your mind?! Jean? Horse-Face? A leader?! He’d sooner lead us to a pasture than onto a battlefield,” Eren tries to convince him to no avail.
Armin chuckles to himself at his friend’s strict rebuttal while reminiscing about the past. About the many times that Jean had ensured their safety, brought him comfort, and alleviated their worries with his steady presence. Without Jean, I could not have faced all the tragedies that these years have brought us. He turns back to Eren as his friend continues to angrily mutter.
“You may not believe it now, but I believe one day you’ll see what I see, whether you like it or not,” Armin looks at Eren with a gleam in his eye.
“Yeah, and titans will start singing,” Eren angrily grouses. Armin laughs once more at his friend’s continued denial. He’s ridiculous, he thinks to himself.
The brunet stares at him for a moment before looking away into the distance, effectively dropping the subject.
“I think I see Mikasa.” He grabs Armin’s hand, pulling him forward. “Let’s go ask her if she wants to go to the forest with us.” The blond is pulled along by the brunet, picking up his speed to match Eren’s pace. He looks down upon their joined hands, feeling contentment. His hand is so warm, I really did miss this. He pulled away from us so much right before the end, Armin contemplates, sorrow tinging his heart.
They reach Mikasa, pausing as they notice her in a conversation with a blonde cadet. Armin’s breath stutters as he gasps silently in shock.
Annie.
His once dear friend, currently an enemy and traitor. He must be careful; they’re not close, and a single misstep will cause countless casualties. She does not remember the years he tried to reach out, to be her friend, to allow her the dignity of company and human compassion.
Armin retreats into his thoughts, analyzing the situation. She never cared about her mission or the world; she just wanted to make her father proud and make it back home. Could I convince her to stray from the mission? It could be possible, and it would stop the forest massacre from happening. Saving Levi’s squad could also help when we have to face Bertolt and Reiner. Armin ponders before being brought back to his senses as Eren lets go of his hand and runs toward the two girls.
“Mikasa! Me and Armin were wondering if you want to go with us to the forest. Oh, Annie, how are you doing?” Eren asks the two stoic girls. They break off their conversation and look at him.
Mikasa answers first. “I just finished training, but I think going to the forest would be fun. Let me put away my training gear, and then I can join you,” She replies and glances at Annie. The blonde gives a nod.
“You go on ahead. I can put away your things. I’m gonna stay here and train some more. Eren, I’m doing well. How about you two?” Annie asks while starting to put away Mikasa’s gear. The other girl quietly mumbles a word of gratitude.
Eren turns away from Mikasa, looking at the blonde. “We’re doing fine. We passed Marco on the way here. He’s hoping to start a game of cards. If you wanna join, he’s heading back to the barracks to set it up,” he answers her.
Annie looks thoughtful for a moment before answering. “Maybe I will, I just want to work on one of my techniques a bit more, but after I’ll meet with Reiner and Bertolt, and we could head over to join him.” She briefly glances back before continuing to clean up the area.
Pity fills Armin’s heart. Poor Marco, he doesn’t even know he will be playing with his future murderers. Armin muses sadly, his face briefly falling before he plastered back on a cheerful expression. Eren glances at him with worry before continuing his conversation.
“Well, have fun with that. We’re gonna join after we get back from the forest. Also, could you possibly teach me that technique later? I’ve been losing to Reiner whenever we spar, no matter what I do,” the brunet pleads, slightly desperate.
Annie looks at him appraisingly.
“Find me later, and I can teach you the technique. It will be handy against someone with a bigger physique like Reiner. Just be ready to get your ass handed to you a few times,” she retorts, smirking as she moves to continue training.
Eren’s disposition visibly brightens. “Thank you, thank you! See you later!” he exclaims excitedly, pulling his two friends with him as he moves to leave the training grounds. Annie huffs a laugh as she watches them go.
They walk several paces before Eren turns towards Armin, frowning. The blond looks over questioningly, trying to keep his body language neutral in anticipation of the interrogation.
“You spaced out again earlier. Are you sure you’re okay?” Eren asks, worried green eyes meeting his blue gaze. Mikasa quirks a brow at Armin, concern now also coloring her face.
The girl comes closer, scanning the boy for anything out of the ordinary. “You were spacing out? That’s unlike you. What’s wrong, Armin?” she gently prods as she continues her inspection.
Armin turns to her, waving the girl off. “Oh, it’s nothing, I’ve just been tired, and I’ve had a lot on my mind. I feel like I’m falling behind in training, but you two have no problems,” Armin lies to cover his earlier slip, putting on a sullen expression. Eren and Mikasa give him twin looks of indignation.
He startles as the ravenette reaches forward, clasping his hand between her own. “Armin, don’t look down on yourself, just because me and Eren are doing well right now doesn’t mean that you won’t catch up, right, Eren?” She looks over at the brunet.
Armin almost reacts to the irony of that statement. Little does she know I’m never gonna catch up with this weak body, he thinks. Even in the future, I can never catch up. But at least they bought my lie. They can’t suspect Annie yet, or they won’t act naturally around her. I love them, but they are not subtle in their emotions.
Eren then reaches for his other hand. “Yeah, and if you’re tired, we can stay at the barracks instead. Talk to us if you’re worried about something. We’re here for you, Armin. The three of us need to stick together so we can join the Scouts and defeat the titans,” Eren looks ever so earnestly at his face as Armin lies to him.
His guilt threatens to drown him. I’m so awful for deceiving them. Why do they trust me? But I can’t falter, even if it hurts.
He chooses to double down on his lie. “Thanks, I’ll tell you guys if there’s anything you two should worry about. But you also have to let me handle some things on my own.” Eren frowns but then nods along. Mikasa just smiles and keeps walking, letting go of his hand.
They slowly approach the dark treeline, birds chirping in the distance. A pleasant breeze welcomes them as they venture among the trees, and the buzzing of insects steadily increases to a steady hum. As they enter the forest, Mikasa turns back towards them as she goes ahead. “Watch out for roots, the last thing you want is to sprain an ankle and set yourself back in training,” she cautions.
Armin and Eren nod, becoming more aware of the path beneath their feet.
When they finally reach a clearing in the woods, the trio settles down in the dirt with Mikasa leaning against a fallen log and Armin sitting up against a tree, settling in the soft spring grass. Eren, who has no shame, settles his head in Armin’s lap, getting comfortable as the blond deadpans. The brunet stares back, brow quirked, daring him to challenge his position. The boy can only accept defeat at the display, sighing through his nose and beginning to run his hand through chestnut curls.
Eren, basking in his victory, shuts his eyes at the sensation and smiles. The two of them get sucked into their own bubble, enthralled by one another’s familiar presence. Mikasa is left as the bystander, gazing fondly at the display, even as she wishes she could be in the blond boy’s place.
As Armin gazes upon his friend, he can’t help but be caught up in his thoughts once again. I missed having him like this; being near him always brought me more comfort than he could ever know. He grins ever so softly down at Eren, Mikasa giving him a questioning look. He swiftly turns away, face growing red, and avoids her burning stare.
That didn’t happen, Armin, snap out of it. How do you even still like this guy? He annihilated 80% of humanity, and beat the shit out of you, and is in love with Mikasa. All very valid reasons why you should get over him. He is not cute, no matter how much he smiles at you. He is enemy number one of human survival. Don’t fall for his green eyes; it did not work out last time around. Even if he survives this time, he still won’t feel the same. Get over him, you absolute idiot! Remember, very evil, not innocent; he literally made the oceans run red. He mentally chastises himself for his own stupidity, feeling horrified.
Eren chooses that moment to look up at him and smile, the very image of an angel. “What’s got you thinking so hard? Are you working on your project?”
Fuck my life, how am I finding this adorable? He left my life in shambles. He mourns whatever is left of his sanity at the display.
Armin looks down again to meet Eren’s eyes. “Uh, no, just thinking about training, but I should probably get to that. Can you move over a bit? I’m gonna be writing in my journal and I need some space to lay it down,” he replies, pulling a small leather-bound book from his jacket.
“Yeah, sure thing,” Eren scoots his head, leaving just enough space for the blond to set the journal down on his lap.
Armin opens his journal to a new page, titling it, Stop Zeke and Marley, Save Eldia.
“Who’s Zeke, Marley, and Eldia?” Eren looks up at him curiously.
Shit. “Uhhh, they’re characters in a book I’m gonna write, not too important as of now, so don’t worry about it,” Armin replies, eyes twitching as he lies through his teeth, his heart beating through his chest.
Eren looks unimpressed. “It’s one of those I’m gonna tell you later, Eren things, right? You’re starting to have a lot of those things, and I don’t know if I like that. You’re not telling them to Jean, right?” Green eyes survey him suspiciously.
Is that really what he cares about? Armin thinks incredulously. “No, I’m not, Jean and I aren’t close enough for that kind of thing,” Armin assures him, ruffling his hair.
“But we’re close, and you’re not telling me,” Eren pouts while leaning into the blond’s touch.
“I’m not telling you yet. I will eventually, and you will be the first to know.” Armin tries to soothe the other.
“Okay, you better keep your word,” Eren once again eyes him. The blond chuckles at his reaction.
“I will, don’t worry,” Armin pats his head consolingly.
Mikasa looks over at them. “What project are you talking about, Armin?” she finally decides to butt in, stopping her quiet observation.
He looks over at her. “Oh, it’s just a side thing I’ve been working on, it’s gonna be a book, but I need to work some things out since some of the experiences will be based on my own.”
She nods in approval. “That’s neat, I can’t wait to read it. It’s gonna be great.”
He smiles at her encouragement. “Thanks, Mikasa.”
He turns back to writing, and Eren settles once more, closing his eyes.
Let’s get some basic facts down right now. And make some codenames in case anyone finds this. It would be highly destructive in the wrong hands. He begins to write.
“Birch", “Aster”, and “Rat” are the Colossal, Female, and Armored, respectively. In two years, “Eagle” will unleash the Attack in Trost, alerting them to his presence. “Aster” will attack during a recon mission while “Rat” helps her in normal form. She will be frozen after Stohess, but “Birch” and “Rat" will still be in action until after the Wall Rose incident. Titans will come from Ragako village from “Zucchini.” We lose several scouts, including “Nose Guy” and “Banana Girl." Find out “Yarrow” is Jaw, and “Knautia” is not who she says she is. “Birch” and “Rat” reveal their true identities and try to steal “Eagle.” “Yarrow” ends up taking their side and going with them, and “Knautia” is distraught. “C. Elder” loses an arm in the attack. “Knautia’s” crazy father will hire the Ripper to take “Eagle” and “Knautia” to take back the Founder. “Hawkweed” will lose many from her squad. “Eagle” gains some of his father’s memories. MPs try to take out the scouts, but “C. Elder” is able to thwart their plans. Expedition home is attacked by “Zucchini,” “Birch,” and “Rat.” “Zucchini” tries to take out horses and is with Cart, who has “Birch.” “Rat” is in the wall. “Birch” wipes out “Hawkweed’s” squad while transforming. I stop “Birch” and get his power instead of “C. Elder,” who was injured in a suicide charge against “Zucchini.” “Rat,” “Zucchini,” and Cart escape, but home is secured. Expedition to the blue and await ships for volunteers. Meet “Psycho Blond” and “O” and warn about consuming wine.
He pauses for a moment. Damn, Yelena was crazy. Shivers run up his spine as he reminisces about the expression she had when he misspoke in front of her. He then continues to write.
Keep an eye out for “Eagle,” so he can’t meet with “Zucchini,” which will stop the stupidest plan ever and save “Meat.” Stop “Foxglove” and his takeover with the BS faction. Keep an eye out for “Goosegrass” and “Fennel.” We have six and a half years before the Marley military is done with their current war, so it would be best to strike before they can set their eyes on us again.
He goes to the next page and starts drawing a rough world map, labeling military powers and their bases. He then continues writing.
If we went the Mini Rumbling route, we could go to these areas and keep the bloodshed minimal. It would give plenty of time to become advanced enough to fight back later on.
He then jots down some clear objectives and facts.
- TAKE OUT ZUCCHINI AT ALL COSTS AND KEEP EAGLE FROM DOING IT ALL ALONE!!!
- “Aster” could become a possible ally if you’re able to find a plan to bring her father back safely to Paradis.
- “Rat” is unstable and therefore the weakest link. Manipulate using his “soldier” mentality.
- “Birch” is a threat and must be neutralized. Only cares for “Aster.”
- “Yarrow” can’t leave “Knautia.” Talk her out of joining the Marley trio. Keeps Jaw within Paradis.
- Use “Lupine” to intercept “Zucchini” at Ragako and stop “Cornflower’s” mom from turning.
- Give strategic information to “Yarrow,” “Knautia,” and “C. Elder” to gain trust and aid in implementing plans. Eventually inform “Lupine” and “Hawkweed.”
- Save “Moor-grass” from betrayal by Marley Trio and “Meat” from Goosegrass.
He underlines the last sentence while frowning.
“What’s wrong?” Eren asks while looking up at him, worry entering his voice.
Armin runs his fingers through Eren’s hair. “Nothing much, I just have a lot to do and think about, but I’ll figure it out, one way or the other,” he replies, hoping to soothe the other.
Eren looks up at him, admiration clear in his eyes. “I know you will, you always figure it out, you’re just so smart, unlike me. You don’t even realize it,” Eren whispers softly, eyes never leaving his friend’s.
The blond just barely holds back a pained expression. “If I were really as smart as you say I am, we wouldn't have half as many problems,” Armin chuckles, looking into the distance wistfully.
The brunet observes his friend’s face, trying to think of what to say to alleviate his troubles. He finally settles on an answer. “Everyone has problems, what’s important is that we still have the time to solve them, right Mikasa?” Eren replies, not even knowing the irony of his statement.
Little does he know we have so little time, Armin thinks to himself, shaking his head with sardonic amusement before looking over at Mikasa.
The girl smirks before answering. “As long as we stay together, we can face anything. But only if Eren stops running into danger,” she snarks at the brunet, causing him to make a scandalized expression.
“Hey! I don’t run into danger that much,” Eren mutters. Armin and Mikasa share twin looks of skepticism.
“Stop looking at me like that! I’m serious, I’m plenty responsible,” Eren’s ears turn red.
“Oh yeah, what about when you kept trying to beat up Armin’s bullies even though they outnumbered you?” Mikasa laughs, her smile turning playful.
“Or when you ate all of the cake your mom baked and made yourself sick?” Armin adds on, continuing her jest.
“Or when you stayed up all night reading Armin’s books about the ocean so you could talk to him, but fell asleep while we were hanging out?” Mikasa gives him an unimpressed look before flicking a rock in his direction.
The brunet looks at her in panic, swatting away the stone absentmindedly. “Mikasa! That was supposed to be a secret!” Eren’s cheeks burn as he admonishes the stoic girl.
Armin looks at them both with surprise. “You did that? I didn’t even realize, when was that?” he questions.
Mikasa starts, “Back before the wall fell, he wanted to impre…” Eren is off Armin’s lap at a moment’s notice, covering her mouth with his hand. His face is a vivid red while Armin watches on, mildly confused.
What’s going on? He thinks to himself, watching them bicker.
“That's enough from you,” Eren wheezes, trying to maintain the girl’s silence. Mikasa’s eyes crinkle in mirth before she pushes him off with ease.
“I guess if you insist, I’ll keep my silence, but you are way too obvious already,” she drawls, tucking her scarf closer around her face. The brunet scowls at her.
“Obvious about what?” Armin inquires, baffled at the exchange.
“His feelings…” she starts, a twinkle in her eye.
“Nothing! ” he hisses, eyeing the girl with a venomous look. She offers a mischievous grin that barely peeks over her scarf.
Armin is only left more confused. His feelings...what must that be about? Doesn’t Mikasa know that Eren loves her? I guess he just doesn’t show it too well. Armin sighs, feeling misplaced pity for his friend.
He watches as they bicker, Eren with his fervent refusals and Mikasa with her quiet jabs, and he feels at home. He lets the gentle breeze blow through his golden strands of hair and wonders if he should cut them once more. They do fall in front of my eyes way too often, he thinks. I should get Annie or Jean to cut my hair sometime.
They stay in this reverie for quite a while, only pausing to forage for some berries, which ends up being a dud. The hours blink by like seconds, and Armin is satisfied, enjoying the brief moment of peace before he is forced to undergo a mission he never wanted to do.
He would give anything to stay in this moment before life commands his attention again, but he’ll only give himself this one day of rest to grieve his past life and all the things he had lost. Starting tomorrow, he will start trying to bring Annie to their side, let Ymir and Historia in on the truth, and use this second chance to its fullest potential.
***
When the sun begins to set, they slowly gather themselves and walk back to the base in a comfortable silence, lanterns being their only guide along the path as they make their way to the dining hall. As they approach, the steady hum of the night is interrupted by laughter and rowdy conversation.
When they step into the dining hall, they are greeted with the sight of Sasha trying to swipe Connie’s food as he argues with Jean over one thing or another. Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner sit directly across, watching them in amusement.
Sitting by their side are Ymir and Historia, with Ymir draped over the blonde, while she pouts about how little time they’ve had to spend together. Marco is on the other side of Jean, engaged in some kind of conversation with Thomas and Mina, a beaming smile highlighting his freckles.
Armin’s eyes slide over to Sasha once more, and he lets the sight sink in. She’s alive, he thinks, peace that he hasn’t felt in so long, once again entering his heart. I need to save her, she shouldn’t have died so far from home. It was devastating, and Connie and Jean just weren’t the same after that. He forces himself to look away, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He sniffles, forcing them back, hiding his face beneath his fringe. He will never forget the light leaving her eyes, her chest shuddering a final time with her last breath as the girl they had all adored left this world.
He breaks out of his sullen thoughts, following his friends as they move on without him, weaving between tables. He rushes over to catch up, and they all head over to the line to get their dinner, a form of watery slop with even more watered-down vegetables, and a stale piece of bread. They shared a sigh of disappointment. It was definitely one of the more depressing nights when it came to dinner. The cook gives them a venomous glare, and they hastily retreat to their friends.
As they arrive at the table, they separate, Mikasa splitting off to sit by Sasha while Eren and Armin sit by Ymir and Historia, just barely squeezing in.
The wooden grain underneath Armin's hands is sticky from spilled booze, and he scrunches his nose at the feeling. He puts aside his discomfort, using his mission as a distraction. I should go talk to Ymir and Historia tomorrow about my plan and my past life. The sooner they’re on my side, the better, Armin strategizes to himself.
He gives the two girls a quick smile, which Historia returns, before turning to the travesty that they call food. As he tries to get a spoonful, something that looks like a vegetable slides away. On his second attempt to pick it up, it squishes into a pathetic goop. He scrunches his nose in disgust, nausea rolling in his stomach. I miss Niccolo’s cooking. I became way too accustomed to eating well, he looks at his meal with despair.
Mikasa looks over at his attempts, sighing. “Armin, you need to eat to replenish your energy,” she admonishes, digging into her own food crime.
He sighs. “I know, but it doesn’t mean that I have to enjoy it,” he grimaces as he commences his third attempt at picking up a spoonful of the unidentifiable goop. It’s a success; however, it doesn’t feel like one when the flavor hits his tongue. He hastily swallows it down with water, trying to wash away the taste. Who the hell is in charge of cooking here, and how did any of us survive this?
He looks up to see Sasha heartily digging away at her own meal, face messy but delighted, and he deadpans.
She really isn’t human, he wryly thinks, observing the girl in fascination. What I would give to have her appetite in this situation, he mourns his own weak stomach. His fourth attempt goes better, but is still miserable.
He finds himself looking over at his best friend and almost drops his spoon when he sees that Eren is halfway through his own plate. Him too?! How?! Armin watches on in awe. You know what, considering what I’ve seen him digest in the future, this is not too surprising.
He then tries to distract himself from the flavor by immersing himself in the conversations around the table.
Jean and Connie are just arguing, so I’ll pass up on that. He then starts listening to Ymir and Historia. Ymir’s just being smitten with Historia, and Historia’s being oblivious. Oh? Reiner is now paying attention to the conversation, too. I should intercept him before he makes Ymir angry by flirting with Historia.
“So Krista, if you could have one person out of all of us to join you in whatever branch you go to, Scouts, Garrison, or Military Police, who would it be?” Armin asks, keeping his expression oblivious as a ruse. Reiner and Ymir eye the blonde girl with interest before glancing at each other with distaste.
Historia is left unaware of the exchange, beaming as she gives her answer, “It would be Ymir since she’s my best friend in the cadets, and I’m closest with her, how about you, Armin?” Ymir looks elated, a smile splitting her face in half, while Reiner looks defeated, his head sunk low. Eren lifts his head at the question, pausing his meal, and proceeds to look curiously over at Armin.
Armin smirks, eyeing Eren while replying, “It would be Jean, of course.” The brunet looks betrayed, mouth agape like a fish out of water.
Jean finally butts into the conversation at his reply, “Ha! Look at that, Jaeger, it seems like I beat you,” his grin turning sly before he continues, “I guess I’m Armin’s favorite and not you, that’s so tragic.” Eren grits his teeth in fury.
The brunet jumps up from his seat, getting up into Jean’s face, before yelling, “That’s not true, he’d never choose a Horse-Face like you over me!” he turns to Armin with a wounded look on his face, “Right? Tell him you’re joking.” Armin smiles cryptically, resting his chin in his hand.
The blond pauses for a moment before continuing his jest, “I don’t know…maybe I’ll join the Military Police with Jean.” At the words, Eren’s face turns downright murderous, causing Jean to fear for his own safety. The boy raises his hands in a placating gesture, but it fails to calm the other's ire. Armin takes a moment to enjoy the reaction before finally continuing, “But a certain childhood friend of mine needs me to keep him out of trouble in the Scouts so he doesn’t rush into danger.” Eren and Jean both look relieved, the brunet settling back into Armin's side and finishing his dinner, satisfaction on his face.
Eren smirks at Jean, “See, I knew he’d choose me; no one wants a horse.” Jean bristles at the jab, moving to answer, but Marco interjects, putting an arm around his friend's shoulders. “I’d choose Jean, he’s pretty reliable,” the freckled boy smiles as he refutes Eren. Jean nods at him with gratitude, his face appreciative.
Armin then cuts in, “I think so too, you and Jean would make good leaders. It sucks that you would waste your talents on the MPs.”
Jean looks at him, face set in a grimace. “We just want to live longer than a day in the Scouts. Only someone who is suicidal or stupid would join. It makes sense why Eren would, since he’s both, but I will never understand why you would, too. Is it really worth it to follow him and Mikasa into the Scouts?” Jean asks earnestly.
Armin nods. “It’s the only way me and Eren can get to the sea and the outside world, it’s been our dream since we were little kids. It’s worth the risk if we can one day see it,” he says, looking gently over at Eren, reminiscing about the past. He doesn’t remember how we saw all those sights together before he…
He swallows back the rising emotions. Best not to think of that. His food looks somehow even less appetizing. Maybe I could sneak it away to Sasha; she’d appreciate it.
Eren breaks him from his thoughts. “We’re gonna kill all of the titans and then see the world while poor little Jean-boy will be getting lazy behind a wall,” he snarks at his rival.
“Only if a titan doesn’t get you first,” Jean says under his breath.
Eren erupts out of his seat, “What was that?! You don’t think I can do it?! I’ll show you Horse-Face!”
Jean rises to the challenge. “Oh yeah? Bring it, suicidal maniac. I’ll pommel you before the titans even have a chance!” The tension that has been steadily simmering during the dinner finally comes to a boil. They leap at each other from across the table, knocking dishes and silverware upon the floor. Sasha springs into action, trying to salvage as much food as possible, shoving whatever she can into her mouth. The others scream in outrage as their dinner is interrupted.
Ymir shields Historia from the flying food scraps with her body, holding the other girl’s head to her chest. Mikasa and Armin just watch as their friend and Jean beat the absolute shit out of each other.
I guess that’s one way to get rid of that gross meal, though it is unfortunate that they wasted all this food, Armin muses as he stares at the scraps upon the floor.
Annie, finally fed up with the idiots’ brawling, marches up and knocks them out with a swift chop to the neck.
Mikasa bristles, attempting to launch herself at the other girl while her back is turned, her face furious. It sparks the rest of them into action, and not a moment too soon.
Armin and Connie have just enough time to react, holding her back from retaliating with whatever strength they can muster. Annie continues in her assault, unaware of the danger brewing behind her back, or just simply choosing to ignore it. Armin can't quite tell, too focused on keeping his childhood friend back.
“You idiots! That was my meal that you interrupted! All of us will go hungry because of your fighting!” Annie screams before grabbing the two boys, dragging them through the doors, and tossing them outside, palpable rage rolling off her in waves.
Armin winces in sympathy as they groan in pain, finally releasing his grip on his friend. Mikasa charges at Annie, proceeding to lecture her against ever touching Eren again, her teeth gritted in a scowl. Annie looks back uninterested.
The blond boy hangs his head in defeat. Well, that’s the end of that, he thinks.
He walks over to where Jean and Eren lie in a heap, nudging the brunet to see if he’s still unconscious. He receives a groan in reply. Armin lets out a chuckle at the irony of his friend, who caused an extinction of 80% of humanity, being bested so easily. What has my life come to? He shakes his head in disbelief. “Come on, Eren, get up, I’ll help you walk back to the bath house,” Armin says, offering his hand to the defeated boy. Eren grumbles before clasping it and pulling himself up.
“It hurts, ” he whines as he drapes himself over Armin’s shoulder.
Armin deadpans, “That’s what happens when you get into a stupid fight, you get hurt. Now let’s go get you cleaned up and in bed before the two of you start arguing again and piss someone else off.”
They trudge on in silence toward the baths, Armin struggling under Eren’s weight but managing to persevere. The brunet groans every time he accidentally brushes one of the bruises, and the blond can’t help but feel fond of Eren’s idiocy.
He’d take a million aches and bruises over the sight of his friend’s decapitated body; he just wouldn’t be able to survive it once more. If Eren dies this time around, I’m following him to the grave. I can’t do it again, I just can’t, he thinks morosely. His friend, although riddled with mistakes and bad decisions, will always be precious to him. Before Eren, Armin, and Mikasa, there was just Eren and Armin. Dreams of ocean adventure, promises whispered in the dead of night, scrapes and bruises that they only know and remember.
Eren could burn the world down countless times, but in the end, Armin would always stand beside him and follow him to hell. Eren was his air in the suffocating walls, his freedom in a two-thousand-year-old cage. He’d commit every atrocity again if it would give him a moment more at Eren’s side, even if Eren won’t do the same. After all, Eren abandoned him, not letting him bear the brunt of the burden that they should have shared. The atrocities caused were due to their shared dream, not only Eren’s.
Was he really so weak that Eren thought he’d have to do it all alone? Did he push his best friend to the brink without even knowing it? He ruminates on such thoughts as they make their way along in the almost pitch darkness of the military base. When they finally get to the bathhouse, they undress in silence before helping each other wash away the grime from a hot day in the sun. It’s therapeutic in its simple domesticity, an act of care between two people who trust each other completely.
As Armin runs a rag down Eren’s back, scrubbing away dirt and dust, the brunet turns his head and looks back at him. “Thanks for doing this, you didn’t have to, especially with how I got into another fight,” he mumbles into the stagnant night air, eyes downcast in guilt.
Armin lifts his chin. “Of course I would, you’re my best friend, I’ll always be there just like you’ll always be there for me,” he reassures the brunet with a soft grin. He moves to continue washing his back, arm working in a steady circular motion. As he works, Armin once again breaks the stillness of the night by humming a simple tune he had heard on the radio during his stay in Marley.
“What are you humming?” Eren asks, tilting his head in question. Soap suds fall into his eyes, and he curses under his breath, rubbing at his face. Armin chuckles at his clumsiness before pouring some water from a bucket over his head. The brunet sputters before turning to the blonde and pouting. Armin hides a grin behind his hand before replying, “I think I heard it in the market one time while shopping, but I can’t be sure.”
“Makes sense,” Eren replies before grabbing the rag from Armin’s hand. “Here, let me do your back now.”
The blond murmurs a word of gratitude, turning his back to the other. He feels the day's worries melt away under the soothing warmth of the water.
Armin can’t believe that not even a day ago, he was fighting to save the world from Eren, and now he’s having him partake in such a simple act of domesticity. Just a day ago, he was begging Eren to talk to him, and now the brunet is willingly in his presence, freely offering his help. He won’t take this for granted. This is more than he ever deserved, a second chance to undo his wrongs. His thoughts slowly grow muddled as he lets himself sink into the peaceful atmosphere that he hasn’t felt in what seemed like a lifetime. As he sits there, Eren gently washing his back, he begins to doze with a sense of tranquility he thought he had forgotten.
Just as sleep is about to fully claim him, he feels a nudge. “Hey, I’m done now, let’s get dressed and head back,” Eren gently brings him back into the waking world, his tone mellow. “Okay,” Armin mumbles, before moving to get dressed, his peaceful reverie broken.
They get dressed and clean up the area, closing the door once they’re done and heading to the barracks. The lights of the base slowly flicker out as curfew approaches, the ruckus dimming as the occupants fall into slumber or go to clean themselves.
As they step into the barracks, they run into Marco, surprising the freckled boy. “Oh, that’s where you guys went; the rest of us were about to head to the baths before heading to bed,” Marco says as he notices them.
Armin turns to him. “Since we were done with dinner, we decided to go earlier to avoid how crowded it gets,” he replies as he heads over to his and Eren’s bunk.
“Makes sense,” Marco nods. “Well, I’m gonna head out, see you two tomorrow. I heard we’re doing more work with ODM gear for training, so get ready for a bruising.” They both groan as Marco leaves.
“I’m already bruised enough,” Eren whines as he makes his way up to his bunk, Armin behind him.
“You did that to yourself,” Armin replies while he gets settled in bed, wrapping the thin blanket around his body.
Eren looks at him sullenly as he shuffles to get comfortable in bed. “That doesn’t mean I want any more bruises,” he mutters. Armin huffs a laugh under his breath. He’s utterly ridiculous, he thinks with fondness.
“Go to sleep and get some rest, you'll need to be rested and alert if you don’t want more bruises,” Armin chides gently as he tucks his head into his pillow, knowing that it will be a while before he falls asleep himself. Nightmares and ghosts of his past keep him awake most nights; it won’t be any different tonight.
Eren breathes a sigh, “Fineee, goodnight, Armin.” He closes his eyes as Armin replies, “Goodnight, Eren.” As the blond lies awake, he hears the other boy’s breaths gradually even out, the brunet falling into slumber. He observes his friend, whom he thought he’d never get to see again, memorizing his features, the way his lashes fall upon his face, the scrunch in his brows that slightly smooths out in his sleep, the tan of his skin, which had been painted in a sickly pallor in death.
I almost lost this, he thinks as he watches Eren unabashedly snore, not aware of his silent observer. I will do whatever it takes to stop the future from repeating, even if I have to become a devil. Eren shouldn't have been forced to carry that burden alone.
He closes his eyes, lying there, praying for sleep. It takes a while for slumber to take him, as thoughts race, keeping his mind alive. Hours spent ruminating, working on plans, ignoring the phantoms of the past, until before he even realizes, he drifts off.
***
Dawn light meets him as he opens his eyes to a new day, a dead man living lying beside him.
I’ve had enough rest, time to rewrite the future, and save Eren. Save everyone.
He gets out of bed.