Chapter Text
(Our episode begins with a shot of ACME Falls, before scrolling through the town itself)
Narrator: Welcome to AACARP's ACME Falls Inquirer, where we investigate things that are more zany than an ordinary person could handle. Here are your four hosts: the Syspocalypstar sisters intelligent Saturn and shy Jupiter Starring, the sweet Tallyanna Sunshine, all from the Apiverse, and the Cheyenneverse's most anxious disaster reporter, Gina Alison.
Saturn Starring: (on a four-split screen with the girls, almost as if they were on a Zoom call) Thank you, Narrator! I'm Saturn Starring.
Jupiter Starring: I-I'm her sister Jupiter...
Tallyanna Sunshine: I'm Tallyanna Sunshine!
Gina Alison: And I'm Gina Alison.
Saturn: And here are tonight's top stories. Jupiter?
Jupiter: Oh! Uh... (shows all the footage of a previous AACARP episode, Puffball Jokes) the Yummi Gummi is hosting an annual "Warner Comedy Night" to entertain their guests, comedian Wacky Tacky makes quite a hilarious mess by throwing pies at them, and lastly, our top story is... uh...
Gina: Adorable pink puffball is publicly shamed and discriminated against by a certain eldest Warner sibling because of the so-called "Puffball Jokes" made by the latter, and Warner sibling gets karma by a animatronic hillbilly puffball controlled by five bystanders, the three of them being the loved ones of the pink puff.
Tallyanna: (starts crying)
Jupiter: Huh? Why are you crying?
Tallyanna: Now that Ms. Alison said that, it really makes me sad...
Jupiter: Uh... (to Saturn) Keep going with the report please. I am going to have to comfort Tally while you're at it.
Saturn: You got it sis! Now, before we get on with our first story, come on down to the Warner Factory today, where you can make your own Warner OCs!
Gina: And you can make them anything you want too! Be careful though, all Warners must be zany, and nothing else but zany!
Saturn: Thanks Gina! Now onto the first story: The Yummi Gummi, the world's best bakery in Syspocalypstar, has opened up a new stand-up comedy known as "Warner Comedy Night", where ACME Falls' best comedians come up on stage to perform "stand up comedy".
Gina: Oh come on! Why can't they also make a "News Reporter Night" for us?! That's unfair! We want to tell everyone in the restaurant our own news reports!
Saturn: Uhhh... you know we could eat our food there, right?
Gina: Yeah, but that's not the point! The point is, we should have our own night, and it would be nicer if it started in-
Saturn: Gina, please. We can't stay up at night. We have to go to bed at 9:30pm.
Gina: But- (sighs) fine...
Saturn: So far, and as we all know, the only two comedians on stage for Warner Comedy Night, are eldest Warner sibling Yakko Warner, and the named "indiscernible", Wacky Tacky.
Gina: But more on these two later, because it's time for the segment... (a raincloud appears behind Gina before the title card shows up) The Weather With Gina Alison! (we then cut to Gina in front of a weather graph seen in many news reports) Whew... well, expect a lot of rain and snow this week... a lot. Seriously, spring has just sprung and we're still getting snow? Just... why?
(suddenly, a bunch of waterfall-like tears fall on Gina, getting her wet. She angrily grumbles)
Jupiter: Sorry, still working on the comforting part.
Gina: Can we just-
(suddenly, a rain of pies suddenly fall onto Gina's head, then one of them on her face)
Gina: Just cut the tape and go to commercial please! I'm taking a nice hot bath!
(a Technical Difficulties screen comes up, showing the news reporters with funny anime-like faces, before cutting to a deodorant commercial)
Narrator: The ACME Falls Inquirer is brought to you in part by "Odor Be Gone". They can be ordered by roll-on or stick, and now with new scents too; baby powder, popcorn, and soap. Buy them at your nearest Anything You Need Mart now.
(it cuts to static as the commercial ends and it cuts back to the main segment)
Saturn: Okay, while Gina is taking a bath, this moves us on to our next story! The alleged "indiscernible" comedian Wacky Tacky made it raining actual pies in his onstage performance of Warner Comedy Night! He said that he was originally going to quote "directly get to the jokes", but he decided to skip them and get to the part where he will throw pies at the whole crowd! So get out your umbrellas, because he will make it rain pies, including from behind the stage, where eldest Warner sibling Yakko Warner was hiding behind. Oh, and owner of Yummi Gummi Dennis Daring has a new fashion trend where he puts an arrow on his head for Warner Comedy Night, but this begs the question, is this safe? Is this a fake arrow? If none of the above, PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AS YOU COULD GET SERIOUSLY HURT! Oh, sorry for my yelling. Anyways, let's hear Mr. Tacky's thoughts on the matter on the-
(another title card plays, this time showing a phone)
Narrator: Starring Phone.
(a phone picks up and Saturn picks it up)
Saturn: So, Mr. Tacky. Why did you decide to make it rain literal pies at the Yummi Gummi?
Wacky Tacky: (on the phone) Well, those people will laugh at anything. Including getting a pie thrown at them.
Saturn: Ah, the classic pie gag. We get it. But this moves us on to our top story! Yakko Warner, who at first bombed hard on the comedy act, was caught on camera tonight making the so-called "Puffball Jokes", unintentionally demeaning the kind of innocent pink puffball Kirby Elliott, and completely discriminating him from everyone else. Here is some other footage of Mr. Elliott being discriminated by the other citizens of ACME Falls because of those jokes.
(We cut to footage from Puffball Jokes, most specifically, the scene in the Anything You Need Mart)
Spikehead's father: I think she should buy both. [laughs]
Bully 1: Hey, look, guys! [seen with his friends] It's the stupid puffball!
Bully 2: I know, let's try to communicate with it.
Bullies: Duh... [making funny faces, then walk off laughing]
Cheyenne (me): Hello, little girl! What's your name?
The little girl's mother: [grabs her child] Don't stand too close to a puffball, Lily. You'll catch its stupid. [walks off]
(the footage ends)
Saturn: We here at the ACME Falls Inquirer do not condone this type of discriminatory behavior towards an innocent little puffball, and we are also not happy with Warner for causing all of this, as he also publicly humiliated Elliott with the "Puffball Jokes" again in the second Warner Comedy Night. And this time, it made the poor pink puff so humiliated that he dashed out of the Yummi Gummi in tears. Here is some found footage of the incident.
(more footage from Puffball Jokes appear again, this time happening in the pre-climax of the episode)
Yakko: Let's give a big hand to Kirby! But clap slow, because remember... he's a puffball, and puffballs are so darn stupid! [the crowd is cheering their loudest, but at this point, Kirby didn't take those jokes anymore and got up from his seat and dashed out of the Yummi Gummi, sobbing uncontrollably]
Lauren: Kirby! Wait! ( sighs )
(the footage ends)
Saturn: We once again do not condone this type of behavior towards an innocent little puffball. Now girls, what do you think of this situation?
Jupiter: (still comforting Tallyanna) I'm really disappointed in Warner. Poor Elliott didn't deserve to be treated like this.
Tallyanna: (still sobbing) Those jokes aren't even funny...
Gina: (now out of the bath, wearing towels) Remind us to make March 21st (the date the Puffball Jokes RP ended) Puffball Awareness Day (a new holiday I made up)!
Saturn: You're right, Alison. We should. Speaking of which, karma would later come to bite Warner in the butt as we get on with Breaking News! A dehydration issue has been going on in the treehouse lately, and whoever built this treehouse is working to fix it very soon. (drinks a bottle of water) Phew, hydration. In other news, five guests of the second Warner Comedy Night disguise themselves as a hillbilly-puffball animatronic known as Hillbupid to get back at Yakko Warner for unintentionally demeaning Kirby Elliott.
Jupiter: Wait a minute, how do they do that?
Saturn: Well, these five made Hillbupid take the normal amount of water off Warner's water pack and fill it with too much water, while gluing him to his seat.
Gina: (now back to wearing her normal clothes, even her glasses and makeup) And it looks like Warner finally gets the message, as here is footage of him finally learning his lesson.
(we cut to more footage of Puffball Jokes, this time with the last part of the episode's climax)
Yakko: [as his backpack was enlarging because of the excessive water being put on it] Okay, guys, okay! I get it! [His backpack has filled up every inch of the treehouse] No more puffball jokes.
Tallyanna: (clapping her hands) Oh, it is so sweet for Warner to have finally learned his lesson.
Jupiter: I know, right? Now she's feeling better!
Saturn: What you said sis. So in other news, March 21st is now Puffball Awareness Day, to raise awareness of the "Puffball Jokes" that Warner unknowingly made to make Elliott look bad. However, that date already passed, so we'll be looking forward to celebrate it next year (2026, the year I am officially an adult)! Now, where were we? Oh! Gina?
Gina: Okay... after Warner finally got his karma, the five guests took off "Hillbupid" and revealed themselves to be; autistic and weird Princess Lauren Api of the Apiverse, autistic but emotional Daniel Mouse, intelligent The Brain- ha, funny name, boyfriend of Api and surrogate uncle of Mr. Elliott Private Tamama Huffington, and most importantly... adopted surrogate mother of Mr. Elliott and Heroine of Dream Land, Cheyenne Elliott of the Cheyenneverse.
Jupiter: Wait a minute. The Brain was on with this? Was he the one who built that animatronic?
Saturn: Yeah sis, but I think the other four people helped him with the animatronic, so that was some good teamwork they did to get back at Warner for insulting the son of Ms. Elliott.
Jupiter: Oh... (suddenly sees the dead-looking Hillbupid animatronic behind her) EEK! (tumbles on the set) Sheesh, this is no Five Nights at Freddy's people. I think I'm going to be creeped out by that animatronic for a while. One cut please.
(another Technical Difficulties screen pops up, before cutting to the four girls)
Saturn: So all's well that ends well. With the relatively tamer jokes now being targeted to anycreature, not just puffballs, including humans like us, from everyone here at the ACME Falls Inquirer, that's all the news that's fit to float. This is Saturn and Jupiter Starring...
Tallyanna: ...Tallyanna Sunshine...
Gina: ...and Gina Alison, for more updates and disasters, signing off.
All four girls: Good night!
(the Hillbupid shows up behind the Starring sisters again)
Saturn and Jupiter: AHH! (the screen then cuts to static as this episode ends)
The End!