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It’s been 3 years since the eden studio incident and Moonjo, with an unwilling partner, managed to settle into a routine of sorts.
3 years since the closest thing to a family Moonjo had got killed.
Moonjo would be lying if he said he cared for them, especially since he has his hold on Jongwoo. But his mind still drifts to them time to time, mainly because he misses his old habits. His old hobby.
After a long, 6am-9pm, Monday shift, having to go in early for an emergency patient, then staying longer than he had wished because someone didn’t come in for their shift and couldn’t reschedule everyone on time, it was safe to say Moonjo was having a horrible day and was left work with an incomprehensible amount of “stress”. He couldn’t resist the need to relax when he passed by a man, he was banging on a door yelling about how much of a whore, slut, dick, you name it, this unknown person was, disturbing everyone in that house. He was trying to keep his cool, remembering what Jongwoo told him, when he saw a small, tear stained face, glance outside of the house the prick was, what could look like, trying to break down the door.
He snapped not only a few seconds after seeing the broken child peeking and then quickly hiding after a particularly sharp and loud bang. Carefully approaching the man after taking out one of his needles, he quickly shoved it into the man’s thigh so no1 could see his actions if they were glaring carefully at the scene the man had caused. Quickly hiding it once he finished injecting his, “proud creation” as he’d like to call it, he pretended to get into an small altercation with the man, now seeming drunk to anyone unaware of what he had just done. After a few minuets, they ended up in an alley and once the man had passed out, he knew that his few, desperate gasps his unconscious body took, would be the last. Cutting into the man with a small scalpel because “you never know”, now at ease that the man was never going to harass the family, anyone, again.
He made sure there was no hair, or any other indications of his being on the scumbag. Once he was satisfied with his thorough checking, he continued the path he was taking before his little “detour”, now much more comfortable and not as fidgety. Walking back with a much more calmed appearance, he looked at his watch at some point.
shit
That’s the only thought that crossed his mind. Now running as fast as he could.
It was 12:34am when he reached their home.
He stepped in, a sweaty, winded mess. He carefully and quietly shuffled in, hyperaware of any sound.
but that wasn’t enough as he heard from behind him a sharp,
“Where the fuck were you.”
He slowly turned on his heels, ending up facing a clearly disappointed and angry man.
”Ahh, Jagiya yo-“
”Shut the fuck up and just answer. You normally get here at 11pm at the very latest. Which shouldn’t have happened because you had to be there at 6am”
Trying his best to save what little faith Jongwoo had lent him, ”Well you see, I had to cover for an missing employee of mine as well as stop by a store for some medicine since I wounded up having a horrible headache by the end of the day.” A bit of sweat collected and dripped, he couldn’t tell if it was from running or his nerves.
”That would’ve made you get here at 11:30 the latest, and we have medicine here. Do you think I’m brain dead? Now just tell me the God damn truth before I go search for it myself. I might not even come back, who knows.” Jongwoos fists now clenching and he slowly approaches the taller one.
”It must’ve slipp-“
Jongwoos fist ended up on Moonjos collar, clenching so hard his arm was shaking slightly and his knuckles were white.
”Don’t try that shit with me.” Jongwoo hushed. He let go on the collar making an effort to push moonjo out of the way and heading towards the door. Moonjo quickly grabbed his wrist hesitantly once out of his daze.
”Wait!”
Jongwoo only turned his head and glared straight into Moonjos eyes.
”I-..” Unsure how to word it, “I was pent up and then I saw this guy and he just kept going and going, and then this small shaking child came into vision and I just-“ he stated quickly, adverting his eye anywhere that Jongwoos harsh ones weren’t, shaking the more he spoke.
Jongwoo cut him off, grabbing his throat, “I don’t give a fuck what he did or what you saw, I told you to never kill again.”
Letting go, slightly dragging Moonjo forward, he harshly and purposefully ‘brushed’ his shoulder against Moonjos as he walked back into the darkness of the apartment that was soon followed by a piercing bang.
A few weeks had passed since then and Jongwoo couldn’t help but wonder what the older man was planning.
He noticed that the man wore his long sleeves 24/7, sometimes he’d catch him wearing two. The usual bothersome rambling and quotes from religious and psychological text switched into quick words, saying as little as he could, seemingly mirroring Jongwoos way of speech to him. He’d only be seen out of his room late at night, early in the morning or when he arrived back from work. He knew he left more though, occasionally seeing the bathroom light shining from the small space under the door. Another thing was the lack of dishes. He knows moonjo normally washed his own, but when he glanced at the drying wrack while reluctantly cleaning his, he noticed only cups, only sometimes would they be accompanied by a plate or bowl. Hell, he even dropped the whole Jagiya thing, he assumes, he couldn’t really guess from how little he saw him, let alone spoke to him.
Though Moonjo was acting strange, Jongwoo wasn’t complaining, ‘guess he finally listened to me’ was Jongwoo’s only thought.
A few days after the killing incident.
Moonjo was stuck. He doesn’t remember when or why exactly his mind and thoughts shifted. He just knows that he couldn’t live without Jongwoo at the very least near him. But he does know the itch to kill, to hurt, to inflict harm and pain, it was never going to leave him.
after one horrible day, he couldn’t take it anymore. He got home, starving and decided to make some food. He was cutting up some cold, leftover chicken to add to his salad, mind repeating the night a few days back, ‘I might not even come back’ loop like a broken record in his head, a sharp sting bringing him out of his daze. He looks down, ‘oh’ was all he thought staring down at the fairly small cut on his finger, slowly oozing out a crimson shade. His pupils slightly dilated. Sure, he’s seen himself drenched in blood of his or others before, but right now, he’s not sure why, seeing his own blood slowly staining whatever was in its path was entrancing. Snapping out of his as he heard noise come from a different room, a reminder that Jongwoo was still here, he left to get a bandaid. He went to bed that night without the thought of food that had gotten abandoned long ago.
3 weeks after the incident.
‘Ok, seriously what the fuck’ was the only thing passing through Jongwoos mind when the meals Moonjo would leave him, despite his protests that he still ended up eating, to lazy to make his own, stopped entirely. Moonjo had never missed a day of preparing food for Jongwoo, he may miss a lunch or breakfast here and there when he was extremely busy, but he never missed an entire day, let alone a week straight.
So, with Jongwoo officially fed up with Moonjos new personality, he stayed up waiting for Moonjo to arrive home.
Moonjo sluggishly walked back to the apartment, on slightly weaker than 3 weeks ago legs, he couldn’t wait to just sleep.
Not all wishes come true, as the first thing he saw was an obviously ticked off Jongwoo. He was too tired for this. Too vulnerable.
To Moonjos surprise, even Jongwoos, as his original annoyance had slightly softened upon the sight of moonjo. Crossed arms dropped, now placed on his hips.
”You’re late.” Jongwoo says in a slightly harsher tone than normal, trying to regain the little composure he had lost a few seconds ago.
moonjo too tired to speak and try to explain himself, just like the situation a few weeks ago, he lets out a soft, barely audible, hum of acknowledgment.
That only served to piss Jongwoo off more, Moonjo couldn’t tell you why.
”fuck” could be heard as he stood there watching as Jongwoo tried to keep himself from killing Moonjo right then and there, “you know what, don’t even say anything, just go and make me some food, I’m starving.” That was the last thing he said before walking over to the couch.
Holy shit. The only way Jongwoo could describe the sight of Moonjo when he walked through the door was that he looked like he just got out of the hell he so nearly brought him to countless times. Legs slightly shaking, leaning on the wall hoping Jongwoo wouldn’t notice, eyes surrounded with black, more than he’s ever seen before even on his busiest days, almost as pale as the slightly off white walls. ‘What the hell happened.’
Jongwoo slowly regained his composure, “You’re late.” He says hoping Moonjo didn’t catch the slight worry he couldn’t control.
All Moonjo did to answer, explain, was give a slight ‘Mm’ while removing himself from the wall to fully stand up on no longer shaky legs.
Jongwoo snapped. Moonjo didn’t even try to joke like he did a few weeks ago when caught in the same situation. Keeping what little composure Jongwoo had left, he ran a hand through his hair, looking somewhere, anywhere but Moonjo ”fuck”, he took his hand out of his hair and dropped both arms at his side, all he could get out was “you know what, don’t even say anything, just go and make me some food, I’m starving.” before he felt the tug on the last string of his sanity, leaving for the couch as fast as he could.
An hour or so went by and Moonjo came towards the living room holding a bowl of steaming, fresh Kalguksu, as well as a cup of the juice he always made Moonjo get. He placed it in front of Jongwoo and left just as fast and he came. Jongwoo watched, thinking he was going to get his own, only to realize he was headed to the rooms
”Yah! Where do you think you’re going?” Jongwoo yelled, Moonjo turned around and tilted his head slightly in a questioning manner, he knew Moonjo only did that when he was truly confused. Letting out a deep sigh, he spoke up again “Aren’t you going to eat? I know you didn’t bring any food with you to work today.” He saw Moonjo still a bit before breaking the silence and saying “Are you worried for me? You’re so sweet Jagiya but I only prepared enough for you” a small smile formed on Moonjos mouth while talking, but he could tell it was fake. He could tell he was trying to make it so he wouldn’t notice anything was off. “God you’re so stupid, just get over here.” Seemingly on autopilot, Moonjo walked over, now just looming over him. ‘God has he always been this dense’ Jongwoo thought, slowly regretting his decision, “Sit.” Was all that left Jongwoos mouth.
He stared at Moonjo with a bewildered expression. Surly he wasn’t serious. He thought, hoped, while staring at the man now sitting on his knees on the floor, exactly where he had been standing a few seconds ago. Moonjo yet again just slightly titled his head as if to say ‘why did you ask for me to come over?’ Jongwoo, completely over this, shook his head and spoke up “Whatever, come closer you weirdo.” Said gentler than he was going for. Moonjo shifted a few inches closer now a foot or so away from Jongwoo, who was now resisting the urge to put his head in his hands and question what choices he had made that landed him in this situation. “Eat a bit.” Moonjo just stared into space, like he thought Jongwoo was talking to himself, so he clarified, “I’m talking to you. Eat.” Moonjos eyes widened as much as he could in his exhausted state, then slowly made the effort to glance at the food.
minuets passed and Moonjo was still staring at the food as if it had just killed his whole bloodline, then killed Jongwoo for the finishing act. Jongwoo was now slightly more concerned. Moonjo would eat anything, everything, if the human meat was any proof, yet he looked like he was about to run if the noodles so much as shifted ever so slightly. After enough time had passed and he felt his own hunger growing he picked up some noodles, slightly blowing on them to cool them down just a bit more, then brought the to his mouth and ate them. He saw moonjo relax from the flinch he had when Jongwoo first picked up the food. Jongwoo repeated the actions, but this time brought them to Moonjos mouth. Moonjo looked down at the food then back up to jongwoos face, and with his new found favourite move, tilted his head. Jongwoo just sighed and shoved the noodles into Moonjos mouth. He watched as the other slowly chewed his food, as if it was his first time chewing food. Jongwoo repeated this system until there was a quarter left and moonjo began nodding off.
Jongwoo, now also getting slightly tired and full enough to brush off letting the rest go to waste, sighed, satisfied with his work. He looked down and Moonjo looked like he was one breath away from sleeping. Now Jongwoo was sighing from exhaustion and reluctance, he pulled Moonjo up onto the couch he was sat on. Jongwoo pressed himself against the back of the couch, now lying down on his back, then brought Moonjo down. Moonjo instantly passed out, despite his efforts to leave, unable to get out of Jongwoos grasp. Jongwoo was staring the ceiling, moments away from sleeping, when he felt shifting at his side, looking down at where Moonjo was, he saw that the pale man had wrapped himself around Jongwoo. Head tucked into the crook of Jongwoos neck, arm wrapped tightly around the area just above his waist, Moonjos own torso slightly leaning up onto his, one of his legs thrown over both of Jongwoos while the other one was slightly up his. He caught himself slightly smiling, genuinely, and then went to kiss the top of Moonjos head before finally drifting off to the feeling of soft, slow, warm breathes on his neck.
Moonjos day blended together. His day was a reminder that Hell was on earth. He woke up feeling heavy, then he got up and the wave of depersonalization rushed over him. He got to the bathroom, with very little, unreliable senses. Trying to avoid the mirror while he got ready, he, of course, looked at the mirror, unable to properly guess the distance with his view stuck in what felt like 0.5. He got ready as quick as he could in hopes of brushing off the unsettled feeling of seeing a body that was his, but was detached from his mind.
He got to his office at 7am, an early day. He would be handling a lot of new clients today, just his luck. The first one went smooth as it was a regular and he felt himself relax just a bit. He wish he hadn’t. His next client was a child, who was obviously not a fan of the dentist. He was working on the kid when he had to be a bit rougher than he had hoped to throughly clean the set of teeth, the kid seemed to agree as he found his hand being bitten on and the mother looking astonished as she rushed to get him off, luckily (or not) Moonjo managed to cover the utensil before it could do any harm to kid. He suggested to finish another day which the mother seemed to agree on immediately, clearly embarrassed. The day went on rougher than normal, a lot of kids. He was just passed half way through his day when his front desk worker came to him and said no1 could cover for the same worker from a few weeks ago and he had quite a few emergency patients. ‘Wonderful.’
The last client is when everything went wrong. He had let everyone else but his apprentice leave since it was past closing, he had to put this client under for this procedure and so watched over them while they woke up. They certainly woke up. As he found himself covered with vomit just a few moments after the client waking up. With no change of clothes, as he had rushed out and used his spare he kept here a week ago, he was left with his now special, one of a kind, uniform. He asked his apprentice to watch over the client as he went to go salvage what he could. By the time he got back, enough time had passed for them to all leave.
Moonjo was now regretting not buying any kind of transportation device. Legs weak, exhaustion drowning his entire body, and the smell of vomit was all he could focus on for the 45 minute walk home, which was undoubted longer due to his slowly, zombie like pace. He reached the door and prayed that Jongwoo wasn’t standing there this time. If he was, Moonjo was convinced he’d breakdown right there, despite being a man with very few emotions.
Someone had answered him because Jongwoo wasn’t at the doorway, standing there to patronize him again. He shuffled his way to the bathroom and after dropping his bag at the doorway. He got undressed from the vomit stained clothes, and caught a glimpse of his body, more specifically his scars. Long keloid scars randomly placed along his body, very few but extremely hideous, as well as smaller, more healed scars littered all over. Breaking his gaze with his reflection he turned on the shower.
The shower proved to only worsen his mental. Leaving him to replay his day on repeat, and a reminder that he hadn’t eaten anything the whole day. He got out when he felt like shit. His eyes catching on the slight scar on his finger after he pulled on the pj pants that came from the set he sets aside for days like this at work, unchanged habit from when he had his ‘hobby’. He felt himself unable to get tear his gaze away from the small scar. Remembering the feel, the beauty, the relaxation he felt. When he finally pulled away, he looked at the drawer where he kept a scalpel, for reasons even unknown to him. Before he knew it, his body went to retrieve it.
Moonjo now sitting on the floor next to the toilet, leaning against the bath, he found himself with his sleeves rolled down and his hand fidgeting with his the recently found scalpel. He slowly, not fully sure of what it is he is trying to achieve, brought the old, dull, ‘sharp’ end scalpel to the underside of his forearm and pressed, dragging it across slightly, a travel of red following behind, then lifting it to reveal the fresh wound. He absentmindedly smiled, then repeated the action again this time it had split slightly, he had gone quicker this time so he was able to see the white of the layers of skin before it filled with hot, red slightly sluggish liquid. Again, he went a bit deeper again. And again. Again. Again. He found himself repeatedly cutting in the same wound, just so it could be deeper. He was infatuated on a certain on he ended up doing vertically where the artery rests, underneath the layers of his body, supposedly safe. He hadn’t had any particular reasoning for the placement and the direction, but it was his favourite one. He kept cutting, and cutting, and- ‘oh’ was Moonjos only thought as he saw, small, yellowish pearl shapes peak through the blood, they looked almost to be glittering in the reflection of the light.
A moment passed with Moonjo just staring at the wound, ‘beautiful’ was the only thing that had crossed his foggy mind.
he wanted, no- needed to see more, to expose the soft pearls hidden within his body. So, he cut more, breaking the remaining few layers that kept the fat from escaping his body. When the layers were gone all he could do is stare.
Moonjo was entranced. It was beautiful. So incredibly beautiful and painful and just numbing. He never felt more alive. More important. More beautiful. He had turned himself into a masterpiece. ‘Maybe now Jagiya will stay, deeming me just as lovely as him’ was the last coherent thought as his mind finally shut down, quiet. Staring at how beautiful the scene was he didn’t realize the strong metallic smell, the sound of Jongwoos door opening, the calling of his name, the swears, the banging, none of it. Only focused on the unknown project of his.
Jongwoo heard Moonjo get home and almost instantly start the shower, he should’ve used the bathroom. Because now, more than 3 hours later, he found himself banging on the door telling Moonjo to open the door with the smell of metallic filling all his senses. ‘I swear to fucking God I’m gonna kill him and then leave if his dumbass killed again.’ Jongwoo thought as he made up his mind, “I’m coming in you annoying piece of shit!” And with that said, he busted into the bathroom.
‘Oh fuck. What the fuck.’
Those and similar phrases went through his mind as he found his somehow still alive partner. He didn’t know if this counted considering the person he was close to killing was his fucking self. Moonjo lazily looked up at Jongwoo who was frozen in place. Raising his reddened arm, littered with new cuts, placed as if his arm was a painting, he began to talk “look Jagiya, isn’t it beautiful? Will you stay with me now that my body is so wonderful adorned?” He was unknowingly speaking just above a whisper and had a smile on his face.
Jongwoo stared in an indescribable mix of emotions. He can’t be serious right? He didn’t do all this cuz he thought he was gonna leave him right? His mind was racing with thoughts. He couldn’t believe this. He’s never seen someone so vulnerable, so affected by him. He didn’t know what to feel. But his body did. He quickly rushed over to where they kept the bandaids and took the box and some scissors. Coming by Moonjos side moving to make him lean against him. Fuck he’s cold. So cold. He rolled his other sleeve down after making Moonjo hold a random amount of toilet paper against his deepest wound. He checked before to make sure he hadn’t hit the artery and thank whatever is there because he hadn’t. But that doesn’t change the fact he was bleeding badly and had a fair bit of other cuts to go along with it. Once the bleeding had slowed down and he had cut 3 bandaids into small strips, he started to carefully shut the wound. Each other placed made him realize more and more how deep it actually was.
once he was finished applying the stripes, than a larger bandaid to secure everything, then wrapped it in bandage followed by the sleeve of Moonjos shirt, he looked at Moonjos face. He slowly looked up at Jongwoo now shaking slightly and eyes showing an emotion no1 could make out, almost as if he wasn’t real. He broke the silence yet again, “does this mean you hate it? Are you gonna leave now?” Volume now a whisper. God he didn’t realize just how much of an idiot he was dating. Jongwoo finally spoke up, hiding his anger and annoyance, Moonjo didn’t deserve it, not now at least, “No. No, no of course not love. It was just..” he paused “..not necessary. Your body has always been beautiful whether I wanted it to be or not. You’re beautiful.” He ended up pulling Moonjo onto his lap and held him as he whispered other sweet ‘nothings’. “I’d never genuinely leave you, and you would never let me leave anyway.” He said trying to lighten the mood. It worked because he heard a soft chuckle and then was met with a pale face, blush dusting over it, and dark hair slightly covering parts of it. He put one of his hands on the newly revealed face, gently rubbing it with his thumb, “how ‘bout we go and eat something while watching your favourite show?” Jongwoo suggested, instantly regretting it. Moonjos face dropped at the mention of eating. Shit. Did he miss this too? Did he gain an eating disorder as well? He was obsessed with calling himself ‘beautiful now’.
he shook all thoughts out of his head. He stood up and Moonjo clung to him. He knew he was strong but self aware enough to say Moonjo was heavy. Was. He was so light now, almost the same weight as Jongwoo. How did he miss this. Mentally waving the thoughts out of his head he walked to the living room, Moonjo still clung onto him, arm and legs wrapped around him. He placed Moonjo onto the couch and tried to walk to the kitchen to get something to eat. Moonjo stopped him, opening his mouth to say something but not finding the words. Jongwoo could see his panic and exhaled. “You can come but I can’t carry you everywhere.” Moonjo seemed to perk up at that, he left his hand around Jongwoos wrist and let himself be lightly tugged to wherever the younger man was taking them. They ended up in the kitchen and Moon-Jo found himself comfortable kneeling and hugging Jongwoo’s leg, as his were too unstable to rely on them for long periods right now.
Once jongwoo was finished making his random plate of apples, grapes, strawberries, oranges, some lunch meat and a few types of crackers, he looked down to see Moonjo dozing off a bit so he swatted the arms away crouched down and told the half asleep one to get on his back, which he did with no further instructions. Jongwoo held the plate in one hand and carefully grabbed two waters in the other, trying not to fall from how tight Moonjo was holding onto him. He made way for the living room once again. Letting Moonjo down then the food, he sat on the couch and pulled Moonjo so he was resting between his legs, back pressed against his chest. He sat up, Moonjo getting pulled with him, put on Dexter, and started to feed himself while encouraging Moonjo to eat. Which he did slightly. Once he finished the rest of the food he found Moonjo found a way to lay on his stomach, head resting Joongwoos chest, hands clenched into his shirt. Jongwoo turned off the tv, dragged a spare blanket over there that was hanging on the couch and let himself drift to sleep while absentmindedly running his fingers through moonjos soft, messy poof of hair.. All questions and lectures could wait until tomorrow.