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I’m running from nothing, and I know it.
Sometimes it was the kitchen or the living room or the patio, though the options appeared as numerous as Kaveh’s misery was endless, always leaving the scholar at a loss.
Regardless of how many times Alhaitham witnessed these moods, he was never fully prepared for when they occurred. He knew himself to not be the most capable when to came to the emotions of others, though he thought himself competent enough to understand the architect that was so regularly apart of his life. However, time and time again, he found himself at a loss for words on days when Kaveh was as sorrowful as Fontaine’s oceans were deep. It almost drove him to believe that perhaps the stars above Teyvat were more easily decipherable than his roommate.
On this particular afternoon, Alhaitham took this opportunity to sit in the living room, a book in hand, though hardly paying attention to what was printed on the pages. As the scholar had intended, his position gave him the perfect vantage point to observe his roommate as he mumbled his way through the house. Though he never seemed to linger long in one precise area of the residence, Alhaitham had noticed he choose to stand thoughtlessly in front of their mantle more often than not.
Frankly, Alhaitham never gave the mantle much thought, he rarely gave any of the decorations Kaveh had place within their home more than a single glance. He was quite aware that interior design was not his strong suit but if he could recall correctly, it held one of Kaveh’s architectural designs or perhaps a landscape of some sort. No, it was undoubtedly a portrait, as it had caught his eye when Kaveh placed it there.
A notably unique piece: an abstract sketch of an individual, incredibly detailed yet non-descript, invoking a sense of longing to uncover the subject’s identity. It entirely lacked color as well, which seemed to suggest that it was incomplete, though Alhaitham believed it was actually meant come across as if it was missing an integral piece. Perhaps lonely was the best way to describe it, though miserable, wretched or forsaken seemed to work as well. In some twisted sense, it even reminded the scholar of his roommate.
The thought invoked a sense of dread within Alhaitham causing to slowly rise out of his chair and walk towards Kaveh who stood soundlessly in front of the mantel.
His approach was casual in a way he typically was not. He sought not to alert his roommate to concern as he stood behind him, hoping that Kaveh would be able to sense his proximity. However, as the seconds wore on, it was apparent that he was too deep in thought to give his surrounds any thought.
“Kaveh.”
Alhaitham said softly into his roommate’s ear. Still, there was no obvious sign that he been heard. He believed that there was no reason to be particularly harsh as his friend was not feeling himself, but it appeared that he might need to use a harsher tone to get the blonde’s attention.
“Kaveh!”
There was a certain bite to his words that he hadn’t meant to incorporate but it appeared to have been successful regardless.
Kaveh turned around slowly, whether due to Alhaitham’s sudden intrusion or his own wondering thoughts, the scholar couldn’t be sure. Though significantly more in-tune with Kaveh’s emotions than any other Sumerian, he had never seen such an expression grace the architect’s features before. He had observed his roommate amid a breakthrough and at heart of rejection. Even on days where he sulked as if the world was burning and he had lit the pyre, there was an emotion that Alhaitham was able to trace. Today however, Kaveh’s face reminded him uncannily of his own.
The scholar knew his face was hard to read, it was a trait that he internally prided himself for, but everyone knew it was due to his innately calm disposition. Kaveh on the other hand, was easier to read than a children’s book. He kept his emotions on his sleeve in a bold show of vulnerability that was endlessly commendable. As easy as it was to uncover what made the blonde uncomfortable, his smile was able to light even the chasm and was infectious enough to spread to Alhaitham on more than a few occasions. Thus, seeing the architect in such a state of blankness made him feel deeply uneased.
“Kaveh...?”
He said softly as concern rose in his voice.
“Ah-h! Alhaitham, I didn’t see you there,”
His voice lacked its usual flowy confidence.
“…I guess I was, um, I’d lost track of myself for a moment.”
Kaveh appeared to flinch as he finished his sentence, yet Alhaitham could hardly imagine why he would have such a visceral reaction to his own words. Nevertheless, his concern must have been obvious as Kaveh attempted to conjure a smile across his face, but it was barely able to reach his cheeks. There was a noticeable tightness throughout his features, causing the smile to appear more as a grimace.
“Kaveh, please,”
Alhaitham’s voice was hushed and gentle.
“It’s obvious something is affecting you.”
He brought a hand up to blonde’s shoulder as gesture of comfort, but it was quickly brushed off by Kaveh’s own hand as he turned back towards the mantel. His posture, though deflated, was revived by a falsely dramatic pose that the scholar thought made a mockery of the blonde’s typical stance. Kaveh must have believed he looked convincing as he brought his head to face the portrait once more. Gazing at it with such intensity that should he have had a pyro vision it would have unquestionably gone up in flames.
“You know I get this way sometimes, so you might as well return to your book.”
His tone was bland, almost thoughtless, as he turned to face Alhaitham.
“I promise that it will pass in a day or two.”
It was evident that Kaveh was hoping his few words would convince Alhaitham to leave him be. It likely would have worked if the scholar was aware of an opportunity that had fallen-through or a project that was rejected, but there was no easily discernible reason for the blonde’s behaviour. Though he undeniably an artist who would breathe life into agony while drawing from an open vein, even those emotions were absent. It struck Alhaitham’s heart in an odd manner, sending a pang of sorrow resonating throughout his body. He couldn’t stand by and watch as his roommate suffered so obviously. He was an awful choice for emotional counselling, and he knew it, but he would try his best to console his friend.
He gently took Kaveh’s hand who flinched in return but didn’t attempt to move away. His hand slid coarsely against the blonde’s smooth palm before catching in a few areas where his own callouses found similar patches of roughness. Lacing his fingers through his roommates, he pulled the architect closer, making him look into his eyes. There passed a brief moment where neither moved, Alhaitham’s typically harsh gaze soften, brows pinching in concern. Kaveh’s eyes widening, welling with what Alhaitham was convinced were tears but were quickly blinked away.
“Haitham…?”
Kaveh said uncertainly, a noticeable crack lacing his voice.
“…what do you think you’re doing?”
His voice lacked the conventional intonation Alhaitham had begun to associate with their situation, as it was far from the first time they had found themselves brought so closely together. Usually initiated by Kaveh himself after a night of drinking, making his tongue loose and actions bold.
At first Alhaitham assumed he did it purposefully to rile him up, to make him irritated and emotional. Only Kaveh knew how alcohol brought out a part of Alhaitham that he kept closely guarded. On humid nights, when the sun had long since sunk beneath the horizon and there was scarcely anyone awake, he would let that closely guarded part of him unfurl.
Kaveh had done an impressive job of removing layers of neutrality and impassivity that Alhaitham hadn’t even known existed. And on nights where Kaveh’s teasing was successful, he would let slip stories of his life before the academia, of rolling fields and warm summer days, of failed romances and memories better left forgotten.
Kaveh hung onto his every word, filling Alhaitham’s head with a heavy sense of longing that he couldn’t quite place, too lost in the taste of alcohol and nostalgia to fully focus. It was through moments like those where Alhaitham believed his current sense of unease arose.
Kaveh seemed gather every bit of information like it was more precious than the wonderous structures he built by hand. Guarding them with more ferocity than a Regisvine, and always eager to add more to his collection. Alhaitham on the other hand knew very little about his roommate. Kaveh was far from secretive in the scholar’s mind, but as they stood together, breathing in each others’ scents, he knew of little what could help the sullen architect.
“Kaveh, I’m no idiot,”
He used his free hand to lift Kaveh’s chin from where it had fallen towards his chest.
“I can tell that something is affecting you quite deeply. I understand that I’m not the first person you would likely talk to about something of this nature, but I need you to tell me what’s wrong,”
There was a pause.
“I genuinely wish to help.”
His words appeared to break something within Kaveh as the tears that he so carefully blinked away returned with the force of a hurricane. Alhaitham stood for a second, in awe of the raw emotion that danced across Kaveh’s features for as loud as his feelings were, his tears fell silently. He made no sound as he cried, the only noise being the measured breaths taken by the blonde as he continued to stare at the scholar. It was as if he was waiting for Alhaitham to do something to quickly move the attention way from his unconcealed breakdown. On another day, he might have tried to change the subject, or diverted Kaveh’s attention to something more banal, but determination had lit a fire within him.
They didn’t move from where they were standing, however the scholar shifted his weight so that Kaveh was gently leaning against his chest, one hand now on his lower back and the other on the opposite shoulder. Alhaitham realized quickly that he almost engulfed the blonde when they were so close together. Unlike his determination earlier, this realization lit a different sort of spark within his body that made a rosy blush spread to his cheeks.
Kaveh noticed the minuet shift in Alhaitham’s expression. His grief almost forgotten as he witnessed an entrancing blush light up the scholar’s cheeks. Heat followed quickly after as the grey-haired man attempted to avert his gaze, embarrassed by the sudden onslaught of attention, though his actions only seemed to amuse the blonde further.
Laughter bubbled up from within Kaveh even though tears still stained his cheeks, and its’ innocent sound was almost enough for him Alhaitham to forget the previous turmoil. Though it quickly faded as pain and guilt spread across his features once more.
“I hate you sometimes, you know that?”
He spoke in a matter-a-fact way, as if the knowledge came easy to Kaveh but Alhaitham had in fact, not known that. Of course, they had their rivalry which he enjoyed immensely. They poked fun at each other in ways that were not meant to dig deep. Their arguing easily mistaken for anger by a passerby was simply a result of their mutual competitive nature. Which meant that Kaveh’s statement struck Alhaitham with an uneasy sense of foreboding. His hesitation at the statement only seemed to anger the blonde.
“Oh, don’t act so dense! Use that smart acting-grand-sage brain of yours for once.”
It was said lightly but noticeably sardonic.
“You always do such a good job of hiding your emotions that I really can’t with you sometimes. I never know what you’re thinking.”
“Kaveh, wh-what…?”
His voice came out confused but Kaveh paid him no mind, continuing with his rant. The hint laughter from earlier gone, frustration and bitterness overtaking his expression entirely.
“Oh, you perfect little scholar, always so composed. As if you don’t have a care in the world! Prancing around with your sharp tongue and quick wit, ready to insult any academic that unwittingly gets in your way…”
He took a steadying breath.
“I used to envy you for it, you know. I tried so hard to be impassive like you. I tried to be unflinching and confident and proud. I thought at one point all I wanted was to be like you.”
The architect hands went up to hair before he finished talking, fingers dragging through the soft blonde stands as if they were at fault for his pain.
“I should have known it was more than that. You’re not dense or a coward, we both know that. So say something!”
Alhaitham almost took a step back from Kaveh, his body twitching in response to the words. He didn’t want to be affected by Kaveh’s remarks because he did know, he had noticed. He might have known before Kaveh himself had. He knew many academics and scholars who have called him selfish, he denied the accusations then, but they were true in this moment. And Kaveh knew that as well.
Truthfully, Alhaitham was far nicer to those around him than he ever expected to receive credit for. His apathy was well-meant, it was his attempt to shield researchers and scholars from projects he knew to be fruitless. Though he was rather callous about it, what he wanted was the best for his associates and his nation. He wanted to the best for Kaveh. Nevertheless, in this instance he was ashamed.
“Kaveh, I-um…”
He spoke slowly, stupidly, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth.
“Stop Alhaitham. There’s nothing I want to hear from you right now.”
The scholar prided himself on his confidence, on his quick thinking and rationality, however, what guided him in that moment was nothing but pure instinct. He willed his mind to be silent, removing all thoughts, consequences, good or bad, as his lips gently caresses Kaveh’s before finally finding their mark.
Time slowed to a standstill, seconds dragging their way into years as he waited to feel a reaction from the blonde. Then he felt him push back. Not as if he was trying to escape Alhaitham’s embrace, but as if he wanted to devour him whole. Kaveh’s lips slid open, making way for his tongue as the two began ravishing each other.
The blonde’s hands were quick to find the clasp of Alhaitham’s half-cape which fell to the floor in an unceremonious heap allowing him access to the various buttons and pins that held up the rest of his top. Kaveh’s graceful fingers moved precisely, as he carefully traced the sides of the scholar’s now bare chest stopping once they found their way to his nipples.
Their lips parted in a quick motion to draw in air which allowed enough time for a groan to escape the normally impassive man. Kaveh’s fingers beginning to prod and pinch earnestly in an attempt to force more delightful noises from Alhaitham, who was dutifully trying to stop them from escaping. When they parted for breath once more, Kaveh slipped his tongue fully inside the other’s mouth causing a moan of satisfaction to be heard amongst the sounds of skin-on-skin contact. The blush reappeared in full force, rapidly spreading from the tips of his ears to the great expanse of his shoulders turning him a lovely hue of red comparable to that of a pyro vision.
Alhaitham averted his eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by the bodily devotion he was receiving. There was a squirmy and heated sensation that was flowing through his body like blood, willing him to fall apart under Kaveh’s careful hands. A portion of him wanted to resist, to pull the blonde down onto the couch and fill him with such tantalizing pleasure that he would scarcely remember his name. However, this defiance was being hastily forgotten as the architect pushed the scholar down and began to feel around for the buckle of Alhaitham’s pants. The action was applying an alluring amount of pressure on his dick which was becoming painfully trapped and throbbingly hard. His hips bucking upwards in an attempt to chase Kaveh’s hands as he finished pulling his pants down but were stopped by a firm hand on his waist.
“Patience Haitham.”
He whispered into the shell of the scholar’s ear as he leaned forward again, taking the once expressionless man’s dick into his hand while continuing to explore his chest with the other.
The sensation of pleasure hit Alhaitham with unwavering precision, exploding from where the blonde was gripping him in a cascade of ecstasy. His thoughts derailed and nonexistent as he fought to form a coherent sentence while nothing but moans escaped.
The architect continued without mercy, enjoying the profane sense power he had over the man who was now writhing beneath him, made inarticulate through nothing more than a few strokes. This was a side of the scholar he had long to see, and should he not be careful, he could grow addicted to it.
“…the things you do to my heart.”
It was barely above a whisper, a simple sentence, likely not even intended for Alhaitham’s ears, but the effect of those words was profound. Heat roared to life in the scholar’s chest and for a moment he thought he’d already reached climax, but the heat remained. It never boiled over into an onslaught of pleasure, instead it instilled a sense of comfort, warmth, and love.
Love. The thought came to Alhaitham as a realization and for the first time in his life, Alhaitham pitied the Archons. For as lustrous their existence was, they would never be able to love as he did in that moment.
He’d always felt that love was a form of survival for all living things. As infrequently as he reflected on it, he’d witnessed lovers pour their vulnerability into every sentiment they expressed, truly careless and intense in force, knowing they were limited in time. He though himself above love in a sense, impassible, as if he was carved from marble and not of flesh and bone. He knew now that in all their wisdom, the mortality of love was something the Archons would never know. It was rather poetic really, that such an unremarkable phrase affected him so drastically.
A grin broke out across his face, an utterly lovesick expression, so much so that the architect paused his ministrations for a moment. Alhaitham let out a whine in protest, but Kaveh stood speechless long enough for clarity to return in the scholar’s eyes. The moment continued to stretch on before the scholar spoke.
“I think… I love you too.”
He said finally, his voice raw and uncharacteristically vulnerable. Kaveh’s eyes remained wholly fixed on Alhaitham. He was unmoving, struck by the earnest statement, so undeniably true, though so unlike the scholar to admit out loud. It caused the blonde slowly began to move his hands once more.
He gently caressed the sensitive expanse of skin beneath him, tracing the fingers of his right hand around one of Alhaitham’s nipples. His left hand matching the pace on the dick below. The scholar could tell that the blonde was overwhelmed but with every ounce of emotional intelligence he could muster, he believed that the words he’d uttered were enough in that moment.
Therefore, the haze returned to the scholar’s head, unmarked by grief. Although they had yet to truly discuss their feelings, he could feel the loving intention bleed into the careful strokes on his body. Not fully forgiven, as Alhaitham couldn’t let himself be pardoned so easily, he knew he could let himself get lost in the moment. And get lost he did.
Kaveh seemed acutely aware of the scholar’s body in a way Alhaitham had never thought possible. With such simple movements, he was able to draw an alluring amount of pleasure from the gray-haired man. The architect’s dexterous hands slid lower on the scholar’s body, from his nipples to his bare ass. His tip had long-since released a consistent flow of pre-come, so much so that he would be rather embarrassed if he was in his normal state of mind. Currently however, the fluid was perfect to act as a make-shift lube for Kaveh to open him up.
The blonde carefully gathered much of what had gathered beneath Alhaitham on his fingers before circling his rim before gently pushing one in. The hand that remained near his dick began slowly teasing along the shaft in tandem with the finger working in and out of this ass. Without warning, a second finger joined the first picking up speed making him throbbingly hard once more. His hips shifted back and forth attempting to keep time with the blonde above him, but they couldn’t seem to decide whether to chase the hand tempting his dick or the fingers attempting to locate his prostate.
“...ka-veh!” Alhaitham choked out as Kaveh finally found the sensitive bundle of nerves.
The scholar was not new to sex, although he may have a rather unwelcoming personality, it had never deterred men and women alike from falling head over heels for him. And, therefore, he had been privy to more than his fair share of sexual encounters during his time as a student in the Academia. However, they had abruptly ceased when Kaveh began living in him, which now left him more than overdue for a good fucking, and frankly the architect was outdoing all his previous partners.
The way Kaveh was lightly fondling his prostate further increase the sensation of the architects skilled fingers as they touched him in all the right ways. It was causing waves of pleasure to reverberate off each other as they built higher and higher leaving him shivering as his orgasm approached, wholly unable to form word to warn Kaveh.
Somehow, the blonde knew Alhaitham was right on the edge and kept his pace consistent, letting the scholar’s hips fuck up into his hand as he chased the unrelenting sensation of climax that was building through his body. Closer and closer until finally the pleasure exploded. The tantalizing onslaught of bliss flowed through his body, causing his toes to curl and his back to arch in what could only be described as an incredibly pornographic position. Kaveh’s hand continued to caress his dick, letting small bursts of pleasure tickle the way up his spine before he collapsed back onto the couch, breathless from everything that had just occurred.
His mind was fuzzy, so he let himself luxuriate in the calm that the ecstasy had felt behind. He felt the cushion at his head dip as Kaveh sat next to him, running his more or less clean fingers through the strands of the scholar’s hair. It was a loving gesture, causing a smile to light up Alhaitham’s face, truly content in the moment.
“And to think, we could’ve been doing this for years.”
Caught by the off guard by the comment, Alhaitham couldn’t help but laugh, moving to kiss the hand in his hair. Better days were coming, so long as they were together.