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Buck tried.
He really did.
He finally unpacked the boxes and made the place his own.
He filled the empty walls with picture frames and art, filled the empty kitchen with pots and pans, filled the empty bedroom with his bed and his books, and filled the empty living room with his new couch and his chairs and his plants.
He felt good afterwards, the way you feel after completing a list of chores or the way you feel getting off of a long shift at work.
But then he sat down on his disappointingly uncomfortable couch, looked around at his things filling the walls and the space and realized it still felt utterly empty.
The halls don’t echo with the sound of laughter or loudly shared conversation anymore.
There’s no clinking of beer bottles in the kitchen, no best friend reaching into the fridge to grab two to bring back to the couch.
The warm sizzle of pancakes and bacon cooking on the stove doesn’t fill the house with the comforting scent of a love-filled breakfast, the fridge still vacant of any groceries.
The shoe rack is nice and tidy, no work boots lazily strewn on the floor in a rush to get to bed, like Eddie used to do after an exhausting 48 hour shift.
Everything is clean and organized, nothing feels lived in or loved.
There’s no clanking of crutches on the floor, no excitedly announced fun facts, or demands to play video games. The doorway to the left of the front door stays closed, exactly how it’s been since the day everything changed. Neither Buck nor Eddie had the heart to pack any of it up, both of them hoping that one day the boy who the room belonged to would come back.
That the noise, the laughter, and the love would return to the walls of this house - that it would become a home again.
Buck had sat on his couch, looked around at his things and realized the absence of Eddie and Christopher sat heavy within him.
His things filling the space of this house felt wrong . All he could see was what’s not there anymore, what used to be, and what he wished was still there.
He missed the messy pile of Christopher’s fallen stack of video games by the tv stand.
He missed finding socks in between the velvet cushions of Eddie’s couch, the clothing somehow always finding its way there when Eddie gets too warm and takes one of his socks off.
He missed the framed pictures on the mantle - Eddie always having photos displayed of everyone he loves or has loved, wanting Christopher to be surrounded by the reminder that he never has to look far to find the support that he needs.
Most of all, he missed the comfort of Eddie and Christopher themselves. The two people who’d crept their way into his life and became the most important things in it.
Sitting alone, in the home he’s held so delicately and lovingly close to his heart for so long, surrounded by his things and not their things, leaves him feeling even more cracked open with the frayed edges of his fragile composure dissolving completely.
Nothing can fill the hole that Eddie and Christopher had left in him. Not work, not living in their house, not Tommy, not even baking - which he’d been relying on to cope with his issues and it had been working. But not anymore.
The only thing that could ease his pain and make him feel right again are Eddie and Christopher.
But they’re 800 miles away, healing their wounds and trying to fix what had been broken. They're together and Buck feels joyful about that, the two of them need each other no matter how stubborn they both are about talking . Buck just hopes they’ll remember that he’s still here, waiting for them when they figure it all out. That they’ll remember that he’s their family too.
He cries for the first time since Eddie left while sitting on his couch, his shoulders curling and leaning to the left to seek out a comforting hand that’s no longer there.
The quiet suffocates him and he feels heavy with grief.
He lets himself feel it all and realizes that Maddie’s right, no matter how much he wants her to be wrong.
He’s in love with Eddie.
He’s in love with Eddie.
He’s in love with Eddie.
His breath stutters and he gasps, clutching at his chest with weak hands at the sudden absolute truth of it all.
He’s in love with his straight best friend, and he has to learn how to live with that.
He has to learn how to live with the all-consuming, once in a lifetime love he’s shaped within himself while simultaneously learning how to be alone.
Because that’s what he is - alone and aching in a space where he’d always felt anything but.
___
The first time Eddie calls him, Buck isn’t expecting it and he’s not ready for it.
He’s still reeling from the feelings he’s realized he has for his best friend, and trying to accept the fact that his ex-boyfriend was the person to put the thought into his mind.
An ex-boyfriend who he’d also slept with in Eddie’s house.
He realizes with a sick feeling in his stomach that if Tommy thought Eddie was his competition, that he probably felt like he was winning when Buck brought him into Eddie’s old house to fuck.
What Tommy doesn’t know is that he was thinking about Eddie the entire time.
When he pushed Tommy against the wall to kiss him, he was thinking about how he’d jokingly asked Eddie if he could knock that part of the wall down.
When Tommy walked further into the room to ask if they were in Eddie’s house, Buck thought about the hug he and Eddie shared after he’d told him he was his renter.
When they’d stumbled their way down the hallway, he’d thought about all the times he’d watched Eddie walk down the same hall, wearing his coziest clothes to join Buck on the couch for a movie night.
When they’d fallen into Buck’s unmade bed and he saw the uneven paint job on the far wall, he’d thought about the time he and Eddie had patched the holes there.
No matter how hard Buck tried to distract himself with Tommy, it was impossible to forget when every room of this house holds memories of his life with Eddie - when Tommy himself holds memories of Eddie.
The morning after, Buck had tried to act like everything was normal. That he was happy Tommy was still there and making him breakfast, that he could flirt with him still as though he didn’t just have sex with him in Eddie’s old bedroom.
He’d sat on the counter, smiled at Tommy like he was the shiniest penny on the ground and tried to silently convince Tommy to kiss him again, so he could forget that they were in the kitchen where some of his most sacred memories were formed.
But Tommy didn’t.
And then he’d brought up the competition and Buck’s been a spiraling mess of Eddie, Eddie, Eddie ever since.
Now, he just got off of another 48 hour shift and he’s back in the house that doesn’t feel right when his phone rings.
He’s reorganizing his things - moving lamps to opposite sides of the room, books onto different shelfs and taking plants to different rooms - trying to make it feel less wrong.
While he’s in the living room adjusting the leaves of his new money tree plant, his phone rings loudly where he left it on the kitchen counter. He perks up at the sound, looking toward the kitchen and back to the plant and he shakes his head, not liking the vibe the plant brings to the living room. He grabs it and takes it with him to the kitchen, setting it in the center of the table and eyeing it while he grabs his phone - answering it without looking at the screen.
“Go for Buck,” he says lightly.
“Go for Buck? ” a voice he’d recognize anywhere asks, amused and fond. Eddie.
His heart stutters in his chest, and he freezes in his kitchen - eyes wide and mouth dropping open in shock.
“E-Eddie, hey,” his voice cracks around the second word, his throat suddenly dry and his chest tight.
Eddie laughs lightly into the phone, “Hi, Buck.”
Buck starts pacing the length of the kitchen, trying to get his nervous energy out through his limbs instead of his mouth.
Silence falls between them, one that sits uncomfortably on Buck’s chest and makes him feel wrong. They aren’t supposed to feel like this, they don’t do awkward silence.
“So,” Buck tries, his voice louder than it should be. “How’s El Paso? Is it everything you thought it would be?”
“Worse, actually,” Eddie tells him. “I don’t remember it being so hot ? I sweat through like 3 shirts a day, if I’m lucky.”
Thinking about Eddie all hot and sweaty makes Buck feel all hot and sweaty, but in a different way. A way he should not be thinking about his straight best friend. So, he lets out a shaky laugh and walks into the living room to sit on his still very uncomfortable couch.
“Is it a dry heat or a humid heat?” he asks dumbly, accessing a random fun fact about Texas to distract his brain from the hot and sweaty Eddie he keeps picturing. “I read that Texas is so big that the climate varies a lot from city to city. You’re right next to a desert so I bet it’s pretty dry, huh?”
His free hand is picking at the seam of his sweats as he listens to Eddie hum fondly at his rambling.
“God, I miss you,” Eddie rasps out instead of answering the question.
Buck gasps as quietly as possible, trying to stay composed as he hears the three words that ring in his mind anytime he thinks of Eddie.
“I miss you too, Eddie,” he replies softly, heart threatening to beat out of his chest. “So much.”
“You know, I’d probably be so much better at this if you were here with me,” Eddie starts, pausing to take a breath. “Chris is so mad at me, Buck. And my parents ? They were just waiting for me to make another mistake so they could tell me again how terrible I am at being a father.”
Buck’s heart aches for him. He doesn’t even know how amazing he is, how great of a father, a man, a best friend. Buck knows better than anyone how much parents can influence the way you think about yourself - how bad parenting can reinforce a guilt and shame that shouldn’t exist at all.
“Oh, Eddie,” Buck replies sadly. “I’m sorry I’m not there.”
“Nothing to be sorry for, Buck,” Eddie says quietly. “It’s funny though, Chris isn’t even mad at me for the whole thing right now. It’s something completely different.”
“What’s he mad about then?” he asks.
“He’s mad that I’m in Texas at all. When I showed up at my parents and he realized I moved here… I’ve never seen the kid so mad before. He yelled at me and said he never wanted this, that he wanted to move back to LA eventually and that I made it all worse.”
“Oh,” Buck replies quietly, a small flicker of hope lighting up his chest at the words move back to LA eventually.
“Yeah,” Eddie murmurs back. “We are talking again later today, he’s coming over for dinner. Hopefully that’ll give me a chance to explain everything and finally stop being a terrible dad.”
“Eddie, you’re the best dad I know,” Buck says matter-of-factly, not leaving room for argument. “And it’s Chris , he’ll come around. He loves you.”
“I hope,” Eddie says, and then a loud clanking sound comes through the speakers.
“What was that?” Buck questions curiously.
“Oh, uh,” Eddie laughs softly. “I’m still unpacking. I couldn’t bring myself to unpack everything when I got here, the house just doesn’t feel right I guess.”
“I know what you mean,” Buck replies with a chuckle, looking around the room at all of his things.
There’s silence again for a moment, not uncomfortable like last time, but warm and filled with a longing that’s just gotten worse the longer they’re on the phone.
“Anyway,” Eddie cuts in. “How are you? Been up to anything new?”
“Uh, not really. Same old, same old,” Buck replies with a sigh. “I, uh, tried to make new friends I guess? But, that just ended weird.”
Eddie laughs at that, the sound warming Buck’s chest and making him smile back.
“How so?” Eddie asks him.
“Well, I tried to hangout with probie. Uh, Ravi. But, I think that we’ve maybe just pranked him one too many times for him to actually want to be friends with us.”
“Hey, those pranks were all your idea, Buck. I just tagged along to make sure you didn’t go too far,” Eddie jokes, his smile evident through his voice.
“Yeah, yeah,” Buck agrees. “Anyway, I took him to that bar we like and we played quarters and talked, but I guess I talked too much because he ditched me and left me with-”
Buck pauses suddenly, realizing where the rest of his story is going and not wanting Eddie to know about it. To know who he was with and what they did, where they did it.
“With? ” Eddie pushes curiously.
“Oh, uh, nevermind. It’s not t-that interesting,” Buck tries to brush it off, but he stutters and he knows that Eddie knows when he’s lying.
“Come on, Buck ,” he presses further. “I’m missing all the fun here. With - what?”
“Well, uh,” Buck sighs, a long breath pushing its way out of his chest. “He left me with Tommy.”
“Tommy? ” Eddie asks loudly, and Buck cringes.
“Yeah, he brought Tommy over, dropped two beers off at the table, and then left,” Buck chuckles lightly at the memory. “I gotta give it to him though, finally standing up for himself after we-”
“So what?” Eddie interrupts him suddenly and Buck’s mouth snaps shut. “You and Tommy just talked then? Drank beer, caught up and then parted ways?”
Buck’s brows furrow at Eddie’s questions. The rushed words and irritated tone bringing a sharp tug of something in his gut - guilt, shame, anger?
“Well, kinda,” Buck responds, lying through his teeth.
“What does that mean?” Eddie asks again, pushy and insistent for an answer. Is he-?
“Eddie , are you-?” Buck starts to ask, but is cut off again.
“No.” He says flatly. “I’m just trying to make sure my best friend didn’t make a terrible decision and sleep with his ex who doesn’t care about him.”
The feeling in his gut tugs sharply, and he realizes with a quiet huff that it’s anger.
“And what if I did?” he asks sharply.
There’s silence over the line, the only sound echoing is their heavy breathing as the tension rises.
“What if I did, Eddie? ” he asks again, voice gruff with irritation.
“Where? ” is all that Eddie asks. “Where, Buck?”
“That’s none of your business,” Buck replies flatly, trying to force the nerves from his voice at the truth that’s threatening to escape.
“In my house then, huh?” he says, his tone accusing and full of… jealousy?
“Not your house anymore, Eddie,” Buck replies, voice hard. “Hasn’t been for months.”
They don’t do this, they don’t argue, they don’t talk to each other like this.
Buck hates it. He hates the way things are changing. The way they talk to each other now, over the phone for the first time in months. The way it feels so wrong. He hates the distance between them - the hundreds of miles and the silence over the phone that hangs heavy between them.
They aren’t supposed to feel this way.
Buck looks around his living room at how wrong it is and feels out of place for the first time since he stepped foot in this house years ago. He sucks in a loud breath, the sound wet and slick as his throat closes and tears silently fall down his cheeks.
“Buck, I-” Eddie starts quietly, his own voice shaking with emotion.
“Hey uh, listen. Tell Chris I said hi and that I love him, okay? I gotta go, talk to you later.” Buck mutters into the phone, trying to keep his composure until he can end the call.
He doesn’t give Eddie the chance to reply, pulling the phone away from his ear and clicking end call before he can even say goodbye.
He sits uncomfortably on his couch, tosses his phone aside and rubs his hands up and down his thighs as he tries to control his rapid breathing.
He’s confused, tired, in love and full of shame.
Shame is a feeling Eddie has never made him feel before. The word didn’t exist between the two of them until now. He wants to say that Eddie didn’t mean it, wants to say that Eddie was just being curious in his absence from LA, but he can’t.
The tone of Eddie’s voice was serious, and he wasn’t joking - he was jealous.
And Buck has no idea what to do with that.
So, he just sits and lets himself feel uncomfortable in the one place that’s brought him endless comfort for as long as he can remember. The sources of that comfort 800 miles away and getting further each day that goes by.
___
The next day, Buck struggles to get out of bed.
It’s his day off in between two 48 hour shifts and he had planned to rearrange the house again and go grocery shopping since his fridge is still empty.
But instead, he slept until noon and laid in bed after waking up for hours - not bothering to check his phone as it buzzed on his night stand.
He’s exhausted and still reeling from the conversation he and Eddie had the night before. His brain can’t wrap around the jealousy in Eddie’s voice, the strain in his tone when he said Tommy’s name. His straight best friend shouldn't be jealous if he sleeps with someone, even if it is his ex-boyfriend.
Buck thought Eddie and Tommy were friends, too. He didn’t know Eddie stopped talking to him when they broke up, didn’t know Eddie thought he was so terrible.
He tries to stop thinking about it all by grabbing one of his books and reading about the history of bees, but it doesn’t work. His brain never turns off, and it also never stops thinking about Eddie.
He finally gets out of bed around 4:30 when he hears an incessant knock at the front door. It started off with three quiet knocks and Buck ignores it, not wanting to get out of bed for anything. But then the knocking continues, becoming more rapid the longer he takes to get up and answer it.
He groans, throwing the covers off of himself and rolling out of bed, grabbing the oversized hoodie he threw on the floor and putting it on.
“God, I’m coming!” he yells to the door, when the knocking doesn’t stop.
He yanks the door open when he makes his way to the front, and holds back his angry retort at the sight of his sister standing there, holding his favorite niece who’s also holding a piece of paper with colorful scratches on it.
“Took you long enough,” Maddie tells him, a smile on her face despite her worried eyes. “You look terrible.”
Before he can respond, Jee-yun jumps in with her own response.
“Uncle Buck! You look terrwible!” she echoes Maddie’s last words, a smile and goofy laugh escaping after she says it.
Buck can help but smile warmly at them, the tightness in his chest loosening at the sight of his two favorite girls.
“Gee thanks,” he says, lifting a hand to his chest.
“Gee fanks!” Jee-yun echoes again, laughing.
Buck looks at Maddie with raised eyebrows and she just sighs.
“She’s in her copy-cat faze. Be careful what you say around her,” she laughs and looks lovingly at her daughter. “Her father already has her repeating some pretty crazy things.”
“Uncle Buck has stinky feet!” Jee-yun yells.
“Like that,” Maddie’s eyebrows furrow as she laughs and looks back at Buck. “Now, can we come in?”
Buck laughs with her and opens the door further to let them inside.
She walks in, Jee-yun on her hip and Buck closes the door quietly behind him. He turns and watches as Maddie’s eyes roam over everything in the room, and realizes this is her first time here since he moved in.
“I like what you did with the place,” she says, eyes landing on him with a knowing look. “How are you settling in?”
He reaches out to her, silently asking to hold his niece. She hands Jee-yun over without a word and she hugs closely to Buck’s chest when she’s settled.
“About how you’d expect,” he tells Maddie, his own eyes roaming over the room. “Not great.”
Maddie hums, and walks around to sit on the couch.
“Eddie texted me,” she says plainly, like those three words wouldn’t leave his heart racing and his palms sweating. He moves around the couch to settle next to Maddie with Jee-yun in his lap, who’s playing with the strings of his hoodie and resting her head on his shoulder.
“Eddie texted you ?” he echoes, wide eyes on hers as she gazes at him worriedly.
“Yeah, he did. He was worried about you, but wouldn’t exactly tell me why. I tried to reassure him, but then you weren’t even answering my texts or calls. So now I’m worried about you too.”
Buck looks away from her and down to Jee-yun, watching her wrap his hoodie strings around her little fingers. He sighs, the sound rumbling deeply in his chest but he doesn’t respond.
“Buck, what’s going on?” Maddie asks quietly, her voice warm and full of concern as it always is. He feels her shift toward him on the couch, one of her knees lifting to rest on the cushions as she turns. He looks back up at her with tired eyes.
“You were right,” he says simply.
“Right about what?”
“I’m in love with him,” he replies, tears filling the corners of his eyes.
“Oh, Evan,” she says softly, reaching out a hand to rest on his shoulder.
“H-he called me yesterday for the first time in months and we got into a fight I think? I could tell he was upset with me, a-about the Tommy thing. We don’t fight and it felt like a fight.”
“You told him about Tommy coming here and he got mad at you?” she questions curiously.
“Well, I wasn’t going to tell him. I let it slip that Ravi left me at the bar and he kept pushing to find out what I meant, so I told him and then he asked me what we did and where and told me he was trying to make sure I didn’t make a terrible decision and sleep with my ex who doesn’t care about me.”
Maddie hums, but doesn’t say anything so he continues.
“Then he was like ‘In my house then, huh?’ and I was like ‘Not your house anymore’ and then I hung up on him,” he sighs, lifting a hand to rub at his eyes. “But the thing is, this doesn’t feel like my house, it still feels like Eddie’s.”
“Eddie’s house!” Jee-yun decides to yell out, pausing in her finger twirling to look at Buck and shove the scribbly paper in her hand towards him. “Eddie’s house!”
He looks down at her and then up at Maddie with furrowed brows. He grabs the paper from her hand and opens it, the scribbles not so scribbly anymore. He sighs again, and laughs lightly as tears fall down his face.
“She’s been getting better at drawing,” Maddie tells him softly. “And listening. She knows Eddie and Christopher are gone, and that you're sad. She drew that for you today before we came here.”
The picture in his hands is a roughly drawn picture of a house, a red square with a triangle on top of it - a door, windows and a big tree out front. Standing by the house are three stick figures. One of them has a silly mustache, one of them has a red spot above their eye, and one of them has crutches. At the top of the paper it says “Edies Hous! ” in big red letters.
His heart hurts - two of the people in the picture not here to enjoy it with him.
He also feels warm, loved, and cared for by his sister and his favorite niece - her big Buckley-Han heart already showing the world how loving she can be.
He smiles down at her, hugging her close to his chest.
“Thank you, Jee! Oh, I love it!,” he tells her. “It’ll be going up on my fridge later.”
“Love you Uncle Buck!” she says back, a big goofy smile on her face.
“Love you too, my favorite niece in the world!” he tells her, the tears on his face still falling despite the smile on his face and the joy in his heart.
“Buck,” Maddie says softly, and he looks up at her to see her worried eyes on him. “Do you think Eddie was jealous? ”
“I don’t know,” Buck tells her honestly. “It seemed like he was, but he’s straight, Maddie. It wouldn’t make sense for him to be jealous unless-”
“Unless he was in love with you too?” she asks.
“Yeah,” he sighs, heart racing at the thought of that . “But that- that’s not it. He’s not- he hasn’t come out or anything and I don’t want to assume . He’s probably just mad I brought him into the house or something.”
“But, he doesn’t live here anymore, Buck. Why would he get mad if it’s not his house anymore?”
“Because-” he pauses, unable to think of anything that makes sense. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe,” she starts, a smile lifting her face. “You should ask him.”
Buck laughs at that, wanting to dismiss the thought immediately.
“No way,” Buck responds flatly.
“Ask him!” Jee-yun giggles.
Buck laughs again, lifting a hand to wipe the tears from his face.
“We’ll see,” he tells them, a small smile thrown Jee’s way.
“Okay well,” Maddie says, clapping her hands together and leaning towards them. “I can tell you haven’t eaten yet today. Jee, what do you say we take our love sick Uncle Buck to dinner?”
“Dinner!” she yells back, clapping her hands.
“Hand her over, and go get dressed! Jee’s picking the place,” she holds her hands out for Jee, and Buck hands her over with a sigh and stands.
“Chicken!” Jee-yun yells.
He turns away from them with a small smile on his face, happy to have them here to help him feel better even when his life is falling apart.
___
Talking to Maddie and spending the afternoon with her and Jee helped him feel better.
His body still feels heavy with everything that happened, and the absence of Eddie feels even worse now that Buck’s decided to ignore any texts or calls that come his way. But, he’s able to wake up the next morning feeling energized and ready to take on the next 48 hours at work.
He leaves the house with enough time to stop at his favorite coffee shop, ordering an iced vanilla matcha for himself and stops himself from ordering Eddie’s black iced coffee when he forgets for just a moment that he’s gone.
He gets to work with a watered down matcha, forgetting to drink it with his stomach twisted in knots, and he’s so distracted by his inner thoughts that he doesn’t notice the familiar truck in the parking lot.
He keeps his head down as he walks to the locker room and he gets ready for the day, throwing his things in his locker, sitting down on the bench to tie his boots and quickly finishes his drink.
He finds it a bit odd that Hen and Chim weren’t milling about in the locker room, waiting to nag him with questions about his silence and the bags under his eyes.
Ravi, who’s been doing his chores as soon as he gets to work, is absent as well. The spray bottle and window scraper lying forgotten at the foot of his locker.
He hums to himself, and stands to head up to the loft - throwing away his drink on the way out of the locker room. He looks around on the lower floor and notices there’s not really anyone doing their chores, the rumble of conversation loud and coming from the upper level.
Bobby must’ve made a good breakfast, he thinks to himself and heads up the stairs.
When he gets to the top he sees that people are in fact devouring a famous Bobby Nash breakfast, the B shift still here and eating even after their shift ended. He looks around, trying to find anyone from his shift and sees them crowded around the kitchen counter, so he heads their way.
He’s about to open his mouth to ask what’s for breakfast, about to smile and make a joke so everyone knows he’s okay, about to push away any thoughts of Eddie to get through the day - but then he sees Eddie sitting at the counter surrounded by everyone and talking with a soft smile on his face.
Buck stops mid-stride and rams his hip into someone’s chair, a loud scraping sound filling the air from the movement.
Buck, who’s eyes haven’t left Eddie, watches as he turns toward the noise and locks eyes with him. Buck is frozen where he stands, forgetting to apologize to whoever's chair he ran into and instead panicking internally at the sight of his best friend.
They watch each other silently for a moment, Chim cracking a joke about his clumsiness and Hen’s concerned eyes flitting back and forth between them.
Eddie moves to stand from his chair, and Buck breaks from his stupor turning away and quickly making his way back down the stairs. He’s panicking, the fluttering in his chest too fast and leaving him breathless as he runs away from Eddie.
“Buck!” he hears Eddie call out, but he ignores it - ignores the rapid footsteps following behind him as he flees. “Buck, wait!”
He’s down the stairs and walking quickly between the fire engines when he feels a hand grip his elbow and pull.
“Buck, please,” Eddie huffs, out of breath.
Buck stops, but he doesn’t turn around yet - instead tilting his head down to stare at the floor in front of his boots.
“Buck,” Eddie pleads. “Can we talk?”
Buck laughs humorlessly, and turns his head slightly to the side, not yet looking at Eddie.
“What, so you can shame me some more? Didn’t think it hurt enough over the phone, so you came to do it in person?” he grits out, the shakiness in his voice betraying his anger for nerves.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie says quietly. “I-I didn’t mean to do that. Please, Buck.”
“I’m working,” he says flatly, eyes still on the ground.
“I already asked Bobby for a few hours, he said someone from B shift offered to cover.”
“Why would you do that?”
Eddie sighs, “Buck, you weren’t answering any of my texts or calls. This called for drastic measures, so I’m here.”
Buck smiles softly, unable to help himself. “What’s Christopher think of that?”
Eddie laughs lightly, “It was actually his idea. He told me I wouldn’t come on my own if someone didn’t push me, and you know the kid he’s very persuasive.”
“Yeah, he is,” Buck says fondly and then sighs. “Okay, we can talk. But not here.”
He finally lifts his eyes from the ground, pulling his arm from Eddie’s grip and turns to face him.
When their eyes meet, Buck can’t help but think about how pretty he looks.
“Let’s go home.”
___
Buck finds himself sitting in his driveway again, an hour after he left for work that morning.
He’s sitting in the driver's seat, fumbling with his keys in hand and waiting for the familiar truck to rumble its way down the street.
He’s still in his uniform - he’d rushed out of the station before Eddie as he went to say goodbye to their family upstairs in the loft. He needed time to think, time to sit with his panic and calm himself enough to be able to make it through this conversation.
He tenses at the familiar sound of Eddie’s truck, closes his eyes and sighs as he climbs out of his jeep. He walks up to the door, leaning against the wall next to it as he watches Eddie park his truck next to the jeep and climb out.
His heart races at the familiar sight of the two cars parked next to one another, at the familiar sight of the man walking towards him now.
He turns to unlock the door and heads in, leaving the door open for Eddie to close behind himself when he comes in. He throws his keys down on the table by the door and kicks his boots off, walking further into the room and rubbing his hands on his pants as he feels the tension fill the room. He turns at the sound of the door clicking shut, watching Eddie as he looks around at the house - he frowns at the frown on Eddie’s face, his chest cracking at the furrow in his brow.
“The place looks… nice,” Eddie says quietly, his eyes resting on Buck now.
“It’s alright,” he responds. “I’ve rearranged a lot, nothing feels right.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling.”
They stare at each other for a moment, both of them standing in the same spots they were the night Buck told Eddie he was his renter. This time, it’s Buck’s turn to be angry and Eddie’s turn to explain.
Buck clears his throat and shifts on his feet.
“So, you wanted to talk?” Buck asks.
“Yeah, um. Yeah,” Eddie mutters, suddenly looking very nervous. Buck tilts his head at the sight, eyeing Eddie as he twists his fingers at his sides and breathes deeply in and out. “Can we sit?”
Buck doesn’t answer, just moves to sit on the couch, and Eddie follows. They sit on opposite sides, a whole cushion between them as they try to get comfortable on an impossible couch.
“Wow, this couch sucks,” Eddie mutters, obviously trying to stall.
“Eddie,” Buck pushes, his eyes narrowing at the sight of Eddie being so shifty on the other side of the couch.
“Right, yeah,” he says, wide eyes looking Buck’s way.
Buck watches as Eddie’s eyes soften, his nerves dissipating the longer he stares at him. Eddie stops fidgeting, turns his body toward Buck and takes a breath before continuing.
“I’m gay,” he states plainly, his soft eyes watching Buck’s face closely.
Buck shifts, his body turning toward Eddie now - a hopeful flame burning lowly in his chest.
“You’re-” he starts, but Eddie cuts him off.
“Gay. I’m gay,” Eddie repeats. “I-I’m still getting used to saying it out loud. The first time I did was when I told Christopher, he took it really well actually. I-uh, I think I’ve always been, I just couldn’t admit it to myself. I wouldn’t let myself think about it.”
“Eddie,” Buck whispers, a wide smile on his face. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Yeah?” Eddie rasps out, his eyes wet and searching Buck’s face.
“Of course I am,” Buck responds, matter-of-factly. “Come here.”
He holds open his arms for a hug, shifting closer to Eddie on the couch, and Eddie falls into it immediately. They wrap their arms around each other tightly, tucking their faces into the crooks of each other’s necks - as close as they were when they said their goodbyes behind the U-haul.
Buck feels Eddie let out a shuddering breath, feels the hot tears sliding down his neck where Eddie’s face rests, and he lifts a hand to run through Eddie’s hair.
“Buck, I’m sorry,” Eddie rasps, pulling away from the hug to look Buck in the eye as he continues, his hands resting on Buck’s shoulders. “I didn’t mean to-to shame you, okay? That’s not what I was trying to do. I was-”
He pauses. Buck watches his lips flatten as he struggles to get the words out, watches his eyes flutter anxiously over every inch of his face, watches as he finally lets go and says the words they were both thinking.
“I was jealous, Buck,” he murmurs.
Buck gasps quietly, his hands tightening on the hold they have on Eddie’s arms.
“I was jealous that he was here. In our house. That he got to- got to kiss you and have you in ways I want to have you. I’m jealous he got to kiss you here before I could,” he finishes, out of breath and eyes wide as he lets himself say words that were trapped behind his ribcage for so long.
Buck stays quiet, his heart racing and his mind reeling at the words coming from his best friend.
“Buck, I’m gay! A-and I think I’ve been in love with you since the day we met,” Eddie gasps out, his grip on Buck tightening. “I want you in every way that I can have you and it kills me that someone else had you here before me.”
“Say it again,” Buck whispers in the space between them, lifting his hands to cup Eddie’s face. “Please, say it again.”
“Buck, I love you,” Eddie whispers back, the words spoken softly. “I love you.”
Buck watches Eddie’s eyes drop to his lips, sees the want in them and he smiles.
He laughs lightly, all of the aching and nervous energy leaving his body once the words leave Eddie’s mouth.
“Eddie, I love you too,” Buck whispers back.
“Yeah?” Eddie smiles.
“Hell yeah,” Buck replies.
“Can I kiss you now?” Eddie asks quietly.
Buck doesn’t respond, with words.
He surges forward, hands holding Eddie’s face delicately and closes the distance between them. Their lips slot together as though they were meant to do this, the slick wetness of their lips moving against one another something Buck never knew he could crave.
Eddie lifts his hands to the sides of Buck’s neck and kisses as if his life depends on it. He shifts closer on the couch, raising up onto his knees without breaking the kiss and straddles Buck’s lap. They kiss like that for a while, their lips moving lazily together, cherishing this new experience they now share and relishing in the fact that they finally have one another.
Buck’s hands drop from their grip on Eddie’s face to rest on his hips, squeezing lightly and pulling a whine from the back of Eddie’s throat.
Eddie pulls back, his lips red and slick with their spit, and he gazes down at Buck with heat-filled eyes. Buck whines at the sight, feeling slightly unhinged at the completely unholy sight that is Eddie Diaz when he’s turned on.
Eddie drops his hips and sits fully in Buck’s lap, bringing them closer together and bringing a delicious pressure to Buck’s cock. Buck groans and tilts his head back slightly and he feels one of Eddie’s hands trail up the side of his neck to grip the hair at the back of his head.
“Buck,” Eddie groans out, grinding his hips slowly in Buck’s lap. He leans forward to hover his lips over Buck’s, close enough for their breath to intertwine and for their lips to brush hotly. “I want to be the last person you ever kiss like that.”
Buck pushes up to kiss him again but Eddie pulls away, his grip tightening in Buck’s curls.
“Buck,” Eddie grunts, voice deep and gravely with arousal. “Tell me you’re mine. Tell me.”
“Eddie,” Buck whines, his hands gripping tightly to the hips grinding in his lap. “I’m yours - oh fuck - I’m yours. ”
Eddie leans down and rewards Buck with a kiss, his tongue sloppily delving into Buck’s mouth and tangling for control. Buck quickly yields to him, letting Eddie set the pace - letting Eddie devour him completely.
Eddie pulls away from his mouth, dragging his wet lips along the curve of his neck to bite and suck on the sensitive skin. Buck whines loudly, his breath heaving from his lungs.
“Do you- oh god,” Buck starts, but is quickly distracted by Eddie’s teeth and tongue sucking a mark onto his collarbone. “Fuck, Eddie.”
Eddie pulls off of Buck’s skin with a wet pop, a sickly sweet smile on his face as he gazes at Buck with pupil-blown eyes.
“You’re so hot,” Buck tells him, his hands rubbing up his sides underneath his shirt.
Eddie slides his hands down Buck’s chest, his fingers playing with the space between the buttons of his uniform.
“Not as hot as you, firefighter Buckley,” Eddie responds hotly, his fingers now popping the buttons open one by one. “What do you want, Buck?”
“You,” he groans simply. “Fuck, I want you.”
“Where do you want me?”
“In my bed.”
“The same bed you brought him to?” Eddie asks, his voice sharpening.
“God, Eddie,” he rasps, Eddie’s hips moving harder and faster against his at the mention of Tommy. “I’m sorry, Tom-”
Eddie slaps a hand over his mouth, “Don’t say his name. Not here. Not ever again.”
Buck nods rapidly, moaning behind Eddie’s hand on his mouth.
“I bet you could come just like this, huh?” Eddie leans forward, whispering in his ear. Buck shudders. “You won’t be. Not until the only sound coming from your mouth is my name.”
Eddie lifts his hips off of Buck’s, hovering over his lap again, and Buck’s hips rise trying to chase the pleasure. Eddie pulls his hand away from Buck’s mouth and stands from the couch. His clothes are disheveled and his hair a mess atop his head, his shining pink mouth and wide hungry eyes the most beautiful thing Buck’s ever seen.
He watches as Eddie watches him, his eyes hungrily roaming over every inch of his body - legs splayed open and shirt falling off of his shoulders. Eddie then rips his own shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor and standing before Buck, breathing heavily and looking as pretty as ever.
“Now take me to your bed,” he whispers down to Buck.
Buck springs into action immediately, standing and grabbing hold of Eddie’s hips, pulling him close before bending slightly to grasp his thighs and lifting him off the ground. Eddie’s legs wrap around his waist and he groans as he’s carried through the living room.
Buck leans forward and connects their mouths, his tongue devouring Eddie’s hungrily and he moans loudly. He walks them to the wall and roughly shoves Eddie into it, hands moving to grip underneath his ass to hold him up and crowd him against it.
The picture frame that hangs there, falls to the ground at the impact, both men moaning into each other’s mouths as they lose themselves to pleasure.
Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s neck, his hands fisting in the messy curls and pulling him even closer. Eddie groans loudly as Buck trails hot open-mouthed kisses down his throat, letting his teeth and tongue trace the delicate curve of his neck.
Buck loses himself in the salty sweet taste of Eddie, groaning as he grips tightly onto Eddie’s ass and grinds their hips together.
“Buck, oh Buck- ” Eddie whines, his head tilted back on the wall. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”
Buck pulls back just enough to whisper hotly onto Eddie’s skin, “God, me too.”
Eddie’s hands drift from his hair down to his shoulders, pushing his uniform further down his arms. He hums, tapping Buck’s shoulders softly and Buck pulls away from his neck to look at him.
“I love how hot you are in this uniform and I plan on exploring that further one day,” Eddie tells him, and Buck flushes. The promise in his words for a later bringing a soft warmth to his already scorching skin. “But, I really need to see you naked.”
Buck smirks, letting his usual sensual cockiness paint his features.
“Yeah?” he whispers hotly.
Eddie lets his hand trail down the front of Buck’s body, his fingers brushing against the tent in his pants before he continues. Buck groans at the feeling.
“I wanna know if firehose lives up to his name or not,” Eddie smirks as he says Buck’s old nickname, his hand pressing harder to the front of his pants.
“Fuck - yeah, okay,” Buck grunts, his arms flexing as he moves away from the wall to carry Eddie toward the bedroom.
He makes sure to press Eddie into the walls on the way there, their mouths connected and greedy for the taste of each other. Each time Buck pins Eddie to a wall, his back arches and his hands tighten their grip on Buck’s body. He smirks into Eddie’s mouth, already discovering that Eddie likes to be manhandled and held down.
By the time they make it into the bedroom, Eddie’s hands are desperately pulling at Buck’s clothes, silently telling him they should be off. Buck chuckles, pulling away from Eddie’s mouth and tossing him on the bed before pulling away.
He watches as Eddie lifts himself onto his elbows, his gaze hot and trailing up and down Buck’s body. Buck keeps his eyes on Eddie’s as he lets his button-up drop to the ground and then lifts his hands to untuck his shirt and pull it over his head. He sees Eddie take a deep breath at the sight of him shirtless - watches as Eddie’s hips shift on the bed.
Buck smirks, remembering a time years ago when he asked Eddie something, not knowing at the time he indeed wanted to get into the man’s pants.
He drops both hands to the front of his belt, his thumbs tucking into the front of his pants as he saunters forward toward the bed. Eddie’s legs open immediately for him, making space for him to stand between them - his eyes hot and shifting back and forth from watching his hands on his belt and his eyes.
“You wanna go for the title now?” he rasps, voice silky sweet and eyes locked on Eddie’s.
His words have the exact reaction he was hoping for. He watches as Eddie melts, groaning loudly and pushing off the bed. He sits up and his hands immediately grab Buck’s belt, making quick work of the clasp and pulling it from the loops with ease, then tossing it on the ground.
He leans forward, placing hot open-mouthed kisses along Buck’s stomach and Buck tilts his head back, releasing a loud breath at the feeling. He looks back down at Eddie as he feels his long fingers pop the button on his pants, his hand quickly finding its way down the front of them and cupping his erection.
“Oh,” Buck breathes out, his eyes connecting with Eddie’s as leans back to look up at Buck with his hand pressing hotly against him.
“You have no idea how badly I want you. How badly I’ve needed you since the day you asked me that the first time,” Eddie mutters, his lips brushing against the skin of his stomach.
“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Buck asks, breathing heavily.
“I didn’t know,” Eddie replies with a groan, his tongue dipping out to lick a trail up Buck’s torso.
“You know now, so what are you gonna do about it?” Buck teases, his smirk returning.
“This,” Eddie growls, and then before he has time to blink, Eddie grabs his hips and Buck has his back on the bed with Eddie hovering over him.
Buck gasps at the movement, feeling hot over being manhandled so suddenly with no warning. His mouth drops open as he feels Eddie’s fingers curl into the waistband of his pants and his underwear - he whines as Eddie tugs and pulls them down and off with one movement.
He’s fully naked then, breathing heavily with a half naked Eddie Diaz standing over him, his gaze locked on Buck’s hard, leaking cock. Fuck.
Buck smirks and shifts his hips, “Like what you see?”
Then, Eddie gets on his knees in front of him, his hands trailing hotly up Buck’s long legs and resting both on the curve of his hips.
“Love what I see,” he says simply before moving a hand to curl tightly around his dick.
“Fuck,” Buck swears, his eyes wide and watching Eddie’s every move.
Eddie pumps him slowly, gaze on Buck’s face as he places hot kisses on the tops of his thighs.
“Say it again Buck,” Eddie growls, his mouth hovering over the skin of his leg. “Say you’re mine.”
“E-Eddie, fuck I’m yours. I’m so yours,” he gasps out, hips following the movement of Eddie’s hand. “I love you. I’m yours. I’m yours.”
Eddie’s grip on him tightens, and he turns his head to suck a mark into the inside of his thigh. His teeth scrape hard and his tongue runs hotly over it, Buck whines loudly, his body arching into the feeling. Eddie pulls off of his thigh with a pop and licks a stripe over the mark, the dark redness blooming against the paleness of his skin.
“I love you too ,” he says hotly. “And, you’re mine. ”
“Yours,” Buck replies, breathless.
Eddie places a kiss over the mark he left, and then stands, letting go of Buck. Buck whines at the loss, but watches eagerly as Eddie takes off his own pants and kicks them aside. He moves toward Buck again, one of his hands lifting to stroke himself as his gaze roams over Buck hungrily.
“Scoot up,” he demands, and Buck moves instantly, backing up to the center of his bed and making room for Eddie to crawl over him.
Once Buck is settled, Eddie climbs onto the bed moving towards Buck on his knees with a hand still moving over himself. He lets go and leans over Buck, slotting his hips between Buck’s open legs with a groan and hovering above his lips.
They look at each other then, the both of them locking eyes and unable to look away. Buck lets his hands roam over the bare expanse of Eddie’s back, touching where he wasn’t allowed to before today. He feels one of Eddie’s hands cup the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair, while the other rests against his cheek. His thumb traces the side of Buck’s face, stopping to rest over the dark pink mark above his eye, and then he leans down to press a light kiss to the spot and pulls away to stare into his eyes again.
“Fuck, I love you,” Eddie whispers, the words and his breath warming the flushed skin of his face like a sweet caress.
Before Buck can respond, Eddie closes the distance between them. Their mouths move in a slow, desperate kiss - the both of them releasing years of yearning into the brush of their lips. Buck gasps into the kiss as Eddie rolls their hips together, the lack of clothes between them making the movement even more euphoric.
Buck’s brain slows as he lets the feeling of Eddie’s lips on his and their connected bodies take over, the pleasure unlike anything or anyone he’s had before - and they’ve barely even started.
Eddie pulls away from Buck’s lips with a groan, grinding his hips harder against Buck’s and pushing him down into the mattress. He drops a hand to Buck’s hip and squeezes.
“Fuck, Buck. I didn’t know it could feel like this,” he rasps out, eyes downcast and watching as their bodies move against each other.
Buck has his head tilted back, eyes closed as he gasps out, “Me either.”
“God, I don’t ever want you to think about anyone else again.”
“I-I won’t, Eddie. I won’t.”
Eddie stops the movement of his hips suddenly and looks back up at him, his eyes hot. Buck tries to grind up into Eddie to chase the feeling, but Eddie’s tightening grip stops him.
“Did you top or bottom?” Eddie questions, a sharp tone to his breathless voice.
“W-what?” Buck replies, brain cloudy and unsure of what Eddie’s asking.
“When you were with him. Did you top or bottom?” Oh.
“E-Eddie, uh-” Buck stammers.
Eddie moves the hand from behind Buck’s head to grip his chin, keeping Buck’s eyes on him.
“Buck,” he growls. “Answer the question.”
“I-I topped,” he whispers hotly, the forcefulness of Eddie’s tone and the grip on his face overwhelming him. Fuck.
“Okay great,” he says simply, and then he flips them and Buck’s on top. “Do it again.”
Buck groans, his hips shifting against Eddie’s.
“Fuck, Eddie. You want me to-”
“Fuck me? Yeah,” he grinds his hips up into Buck. “And give me all you got.”
The thought of being inside Eddie makes Buck hot all over, makes him feel absolutely feral.
But he won’t, until he makes sure it’s what Eddie actually wants.
“Are you sure? It can be a lot and for your first-”
“Buck, I trust you,” Eddie tells him, his hands moving up to cup his face. He leans forward to place a sweet kiss on his lips. “And I want you to fuck me until you forget you’ve had anyone else in that way. Please.”
And, how could he say no to that?
Buck swallows Eddie’s plea with an open-mouthed kiss to his lips and a growl. He lets his hands drop and grip Eddie’s hips, lifting him off the mattress enough to bring their hips even closer together.
“Please, Buck,” Eddie whines into his mouth, his hips moving even harder against Buck’s now.
“Fuck,” he grunts back, moving away slightly to lean toward his nightstand to grab the lube and a condom. He tosses them next to Eddie’s hip and then grabs a pillow, shoving it underneath Eddie so his hips lay at the perfect angle.
He opens the lube and slicks up his hand, his eyes flicking up to Eddie who’s watching Buck with heavy lidded eyes. He wraps his slick hand around Eddie, pumping him a few times to get him needy and begging underneath him. Eddie arches into the touch, one hand curling into the sheets while the other grips tightly to Buck’s arm.
“You ready?” he whispers.
“Y-yeah, come on. Do it,” Eddie grunts.
Buck squirts more lube onto his hand before he lets his fingers drop to Eddie’s hole. He circles his middle finger there, pushing lightly against it and watching Eddie squirm underneath him.
“Come on, Buck. Pleas-” Eddie gasps, head throwing back as he’s cut off by Buck sliding his finger inside. It’s warm and slick and tight, and Buck can’t help but groan at the feeling.
“Oh,” Eddie rasps, completely blissed out.
Buck doesn’t know where to look - the sight of Eddie gasping and panting underneath him one of the prettiest things he’s ever seen. But, god the way his body wraps around his finger is absolutely divine .
“Yeah? That feel good, Eds?” he smirks, leaning down to place a kiss in the center of Eddie’s chest. He pumps his finger in and out after letting him adjust, the fluttering of his hole an intoxicatingly addicting feeling.
“So good. Buck, you’re so good,” Eddie whines, and Buck shudders from the praise.
He leans down, capturing Eddie’s mouth with his own and adds another finger while he’s distracted by his lips. Eddie arches into the stretch, pulling away from the kiss to gasp against Buck’s lips.
Buck smirks and then searches, trying to find that spot inside Eddie that will make it even sweeter. His fingers run over a hot, squishy bundle inside of Eddie and he screams.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, ” Eddie cries.
“There we go,” Buck preens, smiling and proud of himself for Eddie’s reaction.
“Buck, Buck. M-more hurry, I’m gonna come,” Eddie begs, his hands gripping tightly to the sides of Buck’s face as he squirms underneath him.
“Maybe, I want you to,” he says as he adds a third finger.
“No, no. Not yet,” Eddie pleads. “I want you.”
“You have me,” Buck taunts, his fingers hitting Eddie’s prostate each time they thrust in. He holds them deep inside of Eddie and wiggles them against the spot. “Right here.”
“Oh, oh, oh. Buck -” and then Eddie comes.
His fingers dig in against Buck’s scalp and he pushes down against his fingers as his release paints the skin of his and Buck’s stomachs. He moans loudly and pulls Buck down onto him, smearing the mess as he kisses him roughly and pants desperately into his mouth.
“S-so good, oh my god. Buck,” he whispers into his mouth, a smile on his face.
Buck groans and kisses him again before pulling away, “That was so hot.”
Eddie’s hips squirm, Buck’s fingers still deep inside of him.
“You still want me to-” Buck starts.
“God yes,” Eddie interrupts.
“Fuck, okay,” and then Buck pulls out his fingers, the slick sound making him flush and huff out a growl. He sits back on his calves and grabs the condom, lifting it to his mouth to tear open when Eddie’s hand grabs his wrist.
“Wait,” Eddie breathes out, eyes wide and on the square packet. “Do we have to use that?”
“Eddie, I’ve-”
“Did you use one?” his eyes back on Buck’s, searching.
“Yeah.”
“Then we don’t need one,” Eddie lets go of his wrist and grabs the packet, tossing it across the room and then laying back down.
Buck huffs out a breath, his heart beating fast at the thought of being inside of Eddie bare.
“Eddie-”
“We don’t need one. God, Buck. I just wanna feel you.”
“Jesus, Eddie,” Buck grunts, grabbing the base of his cock tightly as his body tries to send him over the edge at Eddie’s words.
Eddie then wraps his legs around Buck’s hips, and pulls him down on top of him. Eddie’s hand drops to his cock, already slick with lube, and he runs his hand along the shaft. Buck gasps into the touch, his dick twitching at the cold feeling of the lube.
Eddie lets go and pulls him down into a hot kiss, devouring Buck’s mouth as if it’s his last meal. He pulls away, a string of spit connecting their mouths.
“Let’s go for that title now, huh?”
“Yeah, yeah, yes,” Buck mutters, pulling back to lift Eddie’s hips slightly and press himself against his entrance. He scoots forward, his thighs underneath Eddie’s and lifts one of Eddie’s legs onto his shoulder. “Tell me if you need me to stop, yeah?”
Eddie nods frantically, hands grasping onto Buck’s shoulders.
Buck pushes forward slowly, his cock slipping past the tight ring of Eddie’s entrance, and pauses.
His mouth is dropped open and he’s breathless as he holds himself still.
“You good, Eddie?” he asks, warm eyes tracing Eddie’s face.
He watches as Eddie nods, his closed eyes opening to look at Buck.
“I’m so good, Buck. So good, keep going.”
Buck lifts a hand to Eddie’s face, gripping his chin to keep their eyes locked as he pushes in further. He watches Eddie’s mouth open on a gasp, his hands tightening on his shoulders and his eyes never leaving Buck’s - the black pools of his pupils prettier than the dark night sky.
By the time he’s fully sheathed inside of Eddie, the both of them are breathing heavily and desperate for what comes next. He holds himself still for a moment, just watching Eddie beneath him.
“Buck, please move,” Eddie whines.
Buck nods, curling the hand on Eddie’s thigh tighter and pulling his leg flush against his torso- Eddie’s ankle high above Buck’s shoulder. Then, he moves and it’s a feeling so addicting that Buck’s never going to get enough of it.
Eddie whines loudly during the next few thrusts, his eyes hot and still on Buck. He drops his eyes to where they’re connected and watches as Buck thrusts in and out of him.
“Fuck, you’re inside of me,” he moans, his voice high and desperate. “Buck.”
Buck growls, still moving slowly, softly - not wanting to overwhelm Eddie too quickly.
“Y-yeah, fuck,” Buck grunts. “You feel so good. So warm.”
Buck watches Eddie’s face, the pleasure on his features bringing him a joy he never knew he could feel. Eddie’s eyes drift back up his body, his hands following the same path until they rest on the sides of Buck’s face.
“So fuck me like you mean it then,” he whispers and something in Buck snaps, the feral feeling from earlier returning full force and his hands grip Eddie’s body even harder.
He snaps his hips hard against Eddie’s, the gasp that escapes his throat music to Buck’s ears.
“Yeah,” Eddie nods frantically, his nails digging into the skin of Buck’s neck. “Yeah, like that.”
So Buck keeps going, the hand wrapped around Eddie’s thigh unwrapping to press on the back of it and push it toward Eddie’s chest. The pace he sets then is brutal, his hips connecting loudly with Eddie’s on each thrust. The new angle giving him complete access to that sweet spot inside of Eddie.
“Oh god, oh god,” Eddie rasps out, whining loudly and dragging his nails down Buck’s back. “This, I never knew it could feel like this.”
Eddie clenches tightly around him, his hips shifting up to meet Buck’s on every thrust.
“Eddie, Eddie, ” Buck growls out, his head dipping down to place hot kisses on Eddie’s throat.
Eddie grips his face and pulls him away from his throat, connecting their eyes again - Buck moans at the sight. Eddie’s hair is a mess, his pupils blown, and his face slack. The pleasure Buck’s giving him making him look well and truly fucked.
“M-my name,” Eddie whispers sweetly. “Keep saying it.”
“Eddie,” Buck repeats, and stops moving his hips. He grinds deeply into Eddie, watching as his eyes roll back. “Eddie, you feel fucking amazing. Fuck, Eddie.”
Eddie looks at him again, eyes desperate and pleading.
“Mine, you’re mine Buck,” he pleads, hands still on his face.
“Yours,” he gasps.
He moves his hips again, finding the sweet in-between of soft enough to stop the creaking of the bed, but hard enough to keep Eddie gasping against his lips.
“Just like that, Buck,” he begs. “Don’t stop, I’m gonna come.”
Buck keeps the same pace, dipping his head to kiss Eddie sweetly and softly - pressing his love into the soft skin of his mouth. Eddie whines, his arms wrapping around Buck’s neck to keep him there - to keep their mouths connected as he reaches his climax.
Eddie’s shaking beneath him, gasping and breathing heavily in-between kisses. His back arches and the grip his body has around Buck tightens like a vice as he comes, his release panting the skin of their torsos again and adding to the mess that’s already there.
“Buck, oh fuck,” he gasps, his lips leaving Buck’s to mumble in space between them. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“Eddie, god. You feel-”
“Keep going, keep going,” Eddie quickly adds when Buck slows. “I want to feel you inside me, Buck. Please.”
Buck swears, knowing exactly what Eddie means and he speeds back up. He chases his own release, hands clutching tightly to Eddie as he goes pliant beneath him.
“Come on baby,” Eddie teases, voice hoarse but desperate. “Come in me.”
Buck moans, letting his hips rest deep inside of Eddie as he finishes. His nails dig into Eddie’s skin as the orgasm rolls through his body, the pleasure something he’s never felt before.
“Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, oh fuck Eddie,” Buck grunts. “I love you too. Oh god, I love you so much.”
He rests his forehead against Eddie’s as they still, their breathing heavy between their sweaty bodies. They’re a mess, sticky, wet and hot, but they don’t move - holding onto one another tightly as they come down from their highs.
“Buck, that was-” Eddie starts.
“I know,” Buck finishes, leaning down again to kiss Eddie.
Their lips move slowly together, savoring the moment of still being one, of still being connected in a way no one else will get to know again.
Buck pulls out eventually, pulling the pillow out from underneath Eddie and then flopping on his side next to him. Eddie grabs his hand, tangling their fingers together and resting them on his stomach.
“You’re hot when you’re jealous,” Buck teases, placing a kiss on the side of Eddie’s head.
He feels Eddie’s hand tighten in his grip, “Let’s not make it a habit to make me jealous, okay? It makes me feel crazy.”
“But what if I love you crazy?” Buck jokes, a smile on his face.
“Buck,” Eddie scolds lightly.
“Okay, okay,” he laughs, moving closer to Eddie and resting his head on his shoulder, his cheek just above the scar lifting his skin from a day they’ll never forget.
He places a quick kiss to the scar and then looks up at Eddie, whose eyes are already on him. His warm gaze fills Buck with love, makes Buck feel held and appreciated in the way he’s been searching for his entire life. He looks into the eyes of Eddie Diaz and sees the rest of his life resting in the deep brown of his irises and he smiles.
“You’re it for me, you know,” Buck continues softly.
Eddie smiles softly, lifting their clasped hands to his mouth to place a loving kiss to the back of Buck’s.
“I know,” he whispers, his voice catching around the two words. “Just like you’re it for me.”
They both look at each other, smiling and feeling their love wrap around them in this room that will one day become theirs. They laugh softly and Buck leans in to press his lips to Eddie’s again - a feeling that will never grow old with time, even when they do.