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Kou had an amazing family, awesome friends, and a wonderful life! He kept telling himself this, every time he had thought about harming or killing himself; he'd repeat these things to himself over and over.
Kou had a habit of using others to keep himself alive, he wouldn't kill himself because his brother and sister need him, his friends would be sad, and what about Mitsuba? Well, they weren't really dating or together- ...or anything but the feelings were mutual that much they've agreed to. What would Mitsuba think if he killed himself?
Fuck. He banged his head on his desk. Why the fuck couldn't he just not want to die?
He turned his head towards his bedroom window, and moved his arms to rest under his head.
He couldn't focus on his homework- he never could. He knew all the stuff though. He didn't need to do the homework and frankly even if he could focus for once in his life, he wouldn't do the homework.
He checked his phone. Nothing.
See this was another thing that bothered him. He would always check his phone to see nothing. He has so many friends but feels like he's always the one reaching out.
His brother calls for him to make food. Toru can't cook. Tiara can't cook. Neither can clean. They need him.
He takes a second to remind himself this as he climbs down the stairs to start working on the food.
Kou had loved cooking. Key word had, he didn't enjoy much anymore. He used to love so many things! He enjoyed almost everything he did! It might've been a year or two ago when he started to despise things. He couldn't tell you, it happened slowly, first something little, but it snowballed down a steep slope.
He cooked and cleaned no longer enjoying it, he could barely find motivation. It would become dirty again anyways.
He stood on the roof. A two story fall could only injure him so much. The high school division was taller. Maybe three or four stories. That could kill someone. He heard this story about a kid all the way in America who fell from the top story of the Mall of America, he died, they said it sounded like a gunshot, they don't know if it was suicide or murder or an accident.
Maybe he would jump from the high school building? Would his death sound like a gunshot?
"Kou-kun?" It was Yashiro! He greeted his friend albeit shocked she was present.
"What are you doing up here?"
He shrugged. Feigning ignorance. He was pretending like he wasn't just thinking about killing himself.
"Yugi-kun and Mitsuba are waiting for us Kou," she smiles. She's so sickening sweet. She leads the way and he follows
Mitsuba. Mitsuba... why does he call him that? Is it an attempt to keep him away? He knows full well the only thing keeping him and Sousuke from actually being something is him. He's to afraid of bringing him close. He doesn't like having people too close and Sousuke has been kind enough to respect that. To realize, hey maybe it's too soon for us to be something.
Kou wants them to be something though. How he longs for someone to be there. How he yearns for a physical thing to ground him. He rejects it though. He won't let it be real. He could have it, but Kou having decided his fate so long ago, won't let him too close.
Kou couldn't imagine himself actually being an adult, ever. As a kid when they had to imagine their future selves in class, it never felt like that person was him. He never thought he'd make it to adulthood. He never will.
Tomorrow was Sousuke's mom's birthday. Sousuke was going to make his mom curry to celebrate because it's only him and his mom.
"How about you bring that boy you've been talking about lately? You're friends right?" She was talking about Kou. His cheeks warmed up. He hated that Dumbass Earring boy so much! Why the fuck did he feel like this.
"Yeah, I'll ask him."
"Ah, I can't wait to meet him!" Blood runs to his face.
"Geez mom it's not like we're dating or anything!" He said this with maybe the slightest bit of sadness. Kou wasn't ready for a relationship, or that's what the boy told him. So Sousuke didn't bother him about it. I mean Kou felt the same, he wasn't too dense to see that, the dumbass just wasn't mentally ready for that. And that...
It was. It was okay. He could wait.
Kou stands on the roof. The roof of the tall high school division. He was going to die today. He wished his family and friends goodbye. Wishing them luck in their relationships. Wishing to Mitsuba Sousuke that he'd find someone better than he was. Man he was a shitty person wasn't he? Just leaving Sousuke like that? He didn't actually have a reason. He just couldn't continue any longer.
He leaned forward.
He looked over the edge, it was the end of the day, everyone should be going home. No one was in the area that he could see.
He smiled.
He jumped.
"KOU!!"
A yank on his arm caused him to look up. His shoulder was dislocated for sure.
Sousuke. He looked the other boy in the eyes. He wasn't strong enough to keep them up. He was struggling so hard.
"Sousuke, let go." Kou's voice quiet and raspy. When was the last time he talked?
"I won't let you go Kou..." a tear fell onto his face, Sousuke's eyes were like waterfalls, 'I love you." Sousuke was begging Kou to stop with the pitch in his voice, the look in his eyes. Why would Sousuke ever choose to love someone so evil and vile?
"You'll die too." He shouldn't die, Sousuke is good, he should live.
"I know."
They fall.
They fall.
They fall.
They fall.
It sounded like a gunshot.