Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

When it rains we wonder, is there someone up there crying? When thunder strikes are they angry at the world they reign down upon? Why can the sun be happy but the rain can't? Who says the rain cries tears of sorrow? Human's cry when they laugh and smile when they're sad.

There's a childlike playfulness in the presence of Rain. When the secret things people love appear in umbrella patterns, when the children come out to play in the puddles, when the world holds its breath for a brief moment. It's quiet except the sound of rain as it falls to the earth.

Time doesn't control its existence. Nothing can. Life flows and ends in all the ways it is destined to do so whilst the rain comes and goes in an unending dance.

Humans write endless poetry about the water that comes from the earth and returns to the sky in a reciprocal need for eachother. The very first lovers. Giving and taking like their lives depend on it. Because they do.

Do the lovers ever visit eachother? Rain touching the flora that he grows, Earth breathing the air that she holds. When one is asked to imagine them together, what do they see? A human? A body? An intangible presence? Why not all three.

With existence comes spirit. Not a heart that beats but a soul that travels. In every part of existence floats those spirits, watching, holding, listening. When the dew comes out to play he's frivolous and careless, leaving glitter in his wake. When flame comes alive she's bold and fluid, pushing the limits of her form.

When the rain arrives, he's not sad and quiet. Rain is loud and he's childish in every sense of the word. Finding the biggest holes for the best puddles and painting droplet art on the windows. Rain witnesses calamities and holds himself ready for when the new seeds are planted.

It takes a different kind of human to hold the remains of the earth and decide to rebuild it. Humans are an incredible thing to Rain. They tie themselves up in eachother's lives, finding comfort in the company they pick and choose throughout every stage of the short life they live. There are very few days when Rain is sad. When he is, it's not because the world is falling apart, that's a destiny written since the beginning that he is fated to witness. Instead his sorrow seeps through when he sees a human on their own. Lost in the world without anyone to hold and dance with.

Why does it hurt so much to see the loneliness? Maybe because Rain sees how easy it should be to get out of. Everyone seeks company and yet it's so hard to find in one place. Centuries have passed and Rain has never settled anywhere. The world is vast and he has yet to see it all in the time he has existed. Spirits don't grow or change, they aren't born and they don't die. They simply exist. Never with another.

These days Rain spends his time in a tiny region three hours south of Seoul. Where farmers are the majority and very few people come and go. There's nothing special to bring new people in, and enough to keep those who live there put. The farmers are kind and appreciate Rain's presence. Just once he wishes he could try the taste of the crops that come to fruition.

In that small region everyone has crossed everyone's paths. There's two schools, one hospital and one supermarket. Children are raised together, adults work together, retirees relax together.

Everyone except one family. It's been a few months and occasionally Rain spots their unfamiliar faces. Early in the mornings or in the middle of the night. No one ever visits and they never leave. The family has a young boy who intrigues Rain like no human has for incalculable years. He always wears a mask, carries a cane covered in stickers and always hides when the rain comes. The only time he ever leaves the house is to go to and from a another small building that looks like a type of medical centre. He has no friends and he doesn't go to school. Maybe he's too old for school, Rain doesn't know how to tell.

The boy rarely does anything interesting at all. Yet he ignites Rain's desire to learn and explore. So he's stayed here longer than he normally would.

Occasionally when the weather is clear he pulls the curtains open and Rain can watch as he types away on his laptop whilst curled up in bed with a small dog that Rain first mistook for a cat. The only time he leaves is when his parents call him to eat. What a boring life to live. Why would anyone do that when Rain knows how many possibilities exist in the world.

The boy is the loneliest human he's ever seen. If he doesn't want friends, why does he cry most nights? Why does he sit on his balcony some days and watch the seniors walk home from school? Why does he listen to music that holds a wilful longing for connection?

It's right there! Rain wants to say. If only he stepped outside and saw it. Why won't anyone tell him that?

Rain can't. He can't say anything. All he can do is watch and hope. Hope that someone finds this lonely human and offers a friendship.

Spring days. Where the sun is warm enough to lay in but the air is cool enough to wear a cozy jumper. Where misty rainfall brings children out in herds searching for rainbows and picking out cute raincoats to adventure in. The season of life.

Not for this boy. This boy hides in his wardrobe like he does everytime the sun hides too. When Rain sits too close he hears the chants,

"Rain Rain go away, come again another day."Why does it hurt so much that this tiny life out of the entire world doesn't like him? Not just dislikes him; is scared of him. Especially when all Rain wants is to be his friend.How unfair that all he wants is to see the boy dance in the rain, and all that boy wants is to run away.

Would it be different if he wasn't Rain? If he was a boy too. One who had a cute smile and a bright energy. Someone who could ask the boy what he is reading and why he spends so much time inside.

Existence is a fragile thing. Insignificantly significant in so many ways. Rain exists whether he does or not. Rain without life will continue to rage on. But what is a lifeless storm? What is a rain cloud with no one there to guide it? How can one dance in a place with no music?

Rain wonders what it would be like to say hello. To give himself a name. To smile and have someone smile in return. An essence he can't grasp in this intangible form. But to be human is to die, is it not?It's a life sentence to be born into a body. To gain life, he has to promise that he will lose it again someday.

As a spirit he has none of those things to worry about. He can outlive the oldest trees and not have to worry about an end.

But those trees live a life he has only ever been able to observe. Growing tall and strong, with the knowledge that they will wither and decay. Until the day they die they give and take, breathing in the old and allowing the new. They are hugged and held by the earth and the humans around them. They speak and someone listens. Rain doesn't know the feeling but he wants it.

Would the boy listen? He seems like a good listener. Would they hug? He has a warmth to him. Could they speak? He has a voice that's like honey when he sings to his music in that confined space.

Oh to be human.

How is it march already?

Taehyung lays in bed staring at the date, hoping if he stares for long enough this day will pass and so will the next. Nothing special is going to happen today. Just like everyday. His eyes flicker to where his laptop's tiny blue light blinks as it sits on charge, waiting for his attention.

First he grabs his phone and goes to the KMA website to see what the forecast for the day is. A breath sits in his lungs until it loads. No rain. Just an overcast sky and some mild frost. Tomorrow tells a different story. 60% chance of rain. His first instinct is to cancel the appointment he has tomorrow even though he knows it will upset his dad.

When he finds enough energy to pull himself out of bed he wanders over to his desk where last night's poems are scrunched up. He uncrumples one piece, reading over it briefly with a scowl.

"Bullshit." He snarks, chucking it to the rubbish bin that's beginning to overflow. Faintly he can hear the tinkering down stairs that tells him its almost time for breakfast. He wobbles around the room without his cane as he searches for something to wear. Eventually he settles on something cosy and warm. Some light peeks through the bottom of his curtains. It pulls him closer, fingers grasping the cold material to pull it open. When he pulls it back a scream erupts from his lungs. His whole body tears away from the glass door until he crashes into his bed.

Sitting on his balcony edge is a boy with pastel pink hair and a cheery grin. He wears plain white clothes that look loose and comfortable - a strange thought to have as Taehyung blindly searches for his phone and tries not to hyperventilate. The second he turns away that person knocks on his window. Just as he grabs it and goes to call for help he hears,

"No wait! Don't hide! I want to say hello." The boy's voice is vivid yet soft in a way that washes Taehyung with a contradictory comfort. Why is there someone on his balcony? And why is he hesitating to call? Thankfully his dad didn't hear his scream so no one appears on the otherside of his door. All Taehyung can do is sit frozen, staring at this strange person still patiently waiting to be let in.

"Who the hell are you?!" He decides to shout through the window. Because why not let the curiosity bite.

"I'm Rain." The boy simply says. A stupid name that makes Taehyung scoff and bite back angrily,

"Go away! I don't like rain!" Whether he means the person sitting across from him or the clouds that are gathering somewhere above, he doesn't care. He doesn't like being scared awake and he doesn't want to talk to this weird stranger.

"But you might like me." Insists the boy as he stands and approaches the glass door. Taehyung tenses up and pulls further away. "Please, can we talk?"

"What about?" Taehyung hisses a little nastier than he probably should. The echo in his ears is beginning to cause it's own panic, fingers curling around his shirt and pulling it loose. One, two, three, four, hold...

"About anything. I just really wanted to meet you. I want to be friends." What is wrong with this guy? He's acting like a childish middle schooler who's swooning over a fleeting crush. Taehyung just laughs at the sheer stupidity. The last thing he sees before he tears his curtains closed again is the boy's confused eyes, unimaginably bright, full of light flickers, yet such a deep grey that appears black. The outline of his pupil is barely visible against the darkness.

No rain today.

But a 60% chance tomorrow.

Chapter Text

It is the same fight every week. A chagrined frown on his dad's face whilst he tries to stand his ground and pull the parent card. It never works. Authority can't overcome fear. After years of this Taehyung gets used to the routine. His mouth seals off first then his body. The room swirls around him like an alien experience, untouchable in his bubble of dread.

"This is not one you can skip. They'll charge us whether you show up or not." His dad's voice is stern but holds a hesitancy to it that will become his inevitable undoing. "You wouldn't even call what they forecast a drizzle. You'll be inside for most of it." Taehyung doesn't talk. His fingers dig into his knees and his lip pulls between his teeth as his brain holds the spiralling thoughts within. There's a glossiness to his eyes that his dad has yet to notice. "If your mum comes home and finds out you've skipped this appointment, she's going to take your devices." Such threats only come up when his dad is desperate.

Taehyung's vision remains stuck on a stain on the pine wood table, tracing its shape and trying to breathe in time with it. The shift in his peripheral does little to ground him, eyes fluttering a blink that let's one tear trickle free. "Tae, I know this is more than just a regular fear but if you don't keep up with your health you'll get sicker." Like he doesn't know that already.

Something breaks into his bubble and a warm calloused palm rests against his cheek, allowing his muscles to relax into the touch. "C'mon my little tiger, you can do it. I'll be with you the whole time. I'll wrap you up in all my coats and keep you safe. But this isn't optional."

"If..." Begins Taehyung with a hushed tone, trying to solidify his words into the outer world. "If we crash?"

"Not an option with my skills." His dad's voice holds that pleading lightness to it that he always has when he's close to winning.

"If they lose power?"

"They've got generators."

"If–"

"Tae I can't keep a list of all the ways that you will be okay, it's just something you have to believe in." His dad kisses his cheek and pulls away enough to see the fog clearing in his son's eyes. He knows they'll be doing all this again tomorrow but for now the deal is set.

The celebration comes too early. Joyous grin filling his dad's cheeks when they walk out of the clinic to see the dry ground below. Still Taehyung rushes to the car and urges them to leave. The drive is quiet and tranquil until the first drop splatters across the windscreen. To those inside its like a fracture of their peace. They're two minutes from home but it's too late.

When he looks through the rear-view mirror Taehyung is curled up with his arms wrapped around his head, whole body vibrating with nervous energy as he starts to cry. The cry is quiet but heavy, accompanied by hyperventilated breaths that worry his dad the most.

"Tae, slow your breathing down. We're almost home."

"Just drive!" Cries the boy irritably as he begins to beg for the skies to clear.

They aren't even in the driveway before Taehyung is shoving the car door open and staggering toward the house. He fumbles with his key and screams, pushing against the door until it swings open to reveal his mum on the other side with a knowing frown. She is shoved to the side and he bolts upstairs, door slamming behind him with the faint echoes of another door shutting a few seconds later. She waits for her husband who stares up at their son's window before approaching the house with a defeated smile.

"We got home without stopping this time."

"You indulge him Minsik."

"What I do doesn't impact anything. He's like that regardless." Huffs the older man as he removes his shoes and outer coat.

"He doesn't cry when he's with me."

"Because you scare him."

"I do not." Scoffs his mum stubbornly, arms crossed just like Taehyung does when he's mad. "He has respect for me."

"'I'm Eunju and I can't admit when I'm wrong'" Mocks Minsik in a petulant voice several octaves above his own, shit-eating grin present on his face whilst he does. Eunju sends him a glare before storming off to return to her computer. "What time do you finish?" He calls out to her before she's gone for the day.

"You're cooking." Is all she answers, leaving Minsik to sigh and accept defeat.

It's even harder for Taehyung to breathe when it's like this. His chest tightens up and his throat feels like it swells. Each gasp takes effort that leaves him feeling exhausted by the time he is able to stop.  The soft blanket wrapped around his body is also curled up in his palms that are squeezed tight.

Two hours whirl past before he finally attempts to take his headphones out. It's a cautious movement as he braces for the sounds of rain slamming down on the roof tiles; there's nothing. Still he checks his phone, nothing else appearing on the radar. Then he moves to his news source, checking for the damages that the rain must've caused; there's nothing there either.

Sluggishly he pushes his way out of his wardrobe, rubbing away the crust on his cheeks as he stumbles around looking for a light source. The strain in his chest doesn't falter. Each breath feels weighted and hard to grasp. It's not bad enough yet.

Taehyung pulls back the curtain to reveal droplets cascading across the glass, mystifying the vibrant pink splotch behind it. He tenses up when he is able to focus on the boy sitting on his balcony edge. The boy who insists his name is Rain sits there in his same flowy white clothes that are completely dry, holding onto an umbrella covered in frogs. When they lock eyes Rain grins and waves at him with his free hand.

Taehyung's too tired for this. So he pulls the curtains closed and switches the artificial light on instead. It's jarring and uncomfortable to sit in, but he'd rather this than have to face the outside world. For the rest of the day he sits curled up in his bed with his laptop held close to his chest as he types out an apology message on his channel for missing his scheduled streaming time. There's a dismal amount of replies that assure him not to worry. They speak so kindly and yet he still feels hollow reading their words. Some have usernames that hide everything about their identity. Are they real people? Do they even like him? The evidence is stacked against him.

It must be nearly dinner time when he looks up to peek through the small gap he'd left in the curtains. Rain is still there. He's twirling the umbrella and drawing on the glass. Taehyung's fingers close around his phone and he thinks about calling the police. But by the end of the thought he doesn't. It feels jarringly out of character for him as he watches the boy who can no longer see him.

Why won't you leave?

Another hour goes by and a stream of gold begins to peek through the glass. The curiosity gets him before the fear does this time. He approaches cautiously and unlocks the door, droplets reflecting the warmth of the sun setting in the west.

"Why are you still here?" He asks the boy who has been watching the colours as they flow together to form their unique canvas.

"Hi." Rain replies instead of answering, looking back over his shoulder with a childish grin that radiates untouched purity. His eyes glow in the golden hour, hair melting into the sunset's colours. He's beautiful in every sense of the word. Strange and unusually perfect.

"Hi." Taehyung answers without thinking, voice softer this time. "Aren't you cold?" The boy shakes his head and swivels around so that his legs dangle over the ledge.

"Not even a little bit. Are you Tae?" The mention of his name tenses his shoulders and he shudders.

"How do you know that?"

"Your dad called you that. I'm Rain." The boy holds out his hand again for a second greeting. Grudgingly Taehyung reciprocates, fingers folding around the unnaturally warm skin of the boy.

"You... told me." He's distracted as he sinks into the temperature, contrasted by the evening frost that creeps in the further the sun sinks. "Why... are you stalking me?" He manages to ask, uncomfortably mesmorised when Rain's eyes pull into a sweet full face smile that brings out the pink in his cheeks.

"Rain makes everything grow. Rain gives you water. How can that be scary?" As soon as he steps within arm's reach Taehyung stumbles back and yanks the glass door shut in front of him.

"If you appear on my balcony again I'm calling the police." He warns with a hitch in his breath, uncertainty in his threat. Rain's fingers trace the droplets on the outside of the glass whilst a furrowed frown replaces his brightness. Without another word the curtains are pulled tight and the human is gone again.

Music resonates through the speaker set up in their kitchen as Taehyung hums along and shimmies himself around the tiled space. Spices fill the air with a sharp edge that he breathes in with each tune. In one pan the vegetable sear and in another the sauce simmers. All alone he can be as loud as he wants yet he still whispers the lyrics to his favourite songs. He doesn't say his thoughts out loud or walk any heavier. It's his own version of peace; lonely and controlled.

Just as he plates up the elements of his lunch another noise joins the controlled symphony; one that is unexpected and unwanted. Taehyung looks towards the front door where the doorbell echoes. Not just once but repeatedly like a toddler got ahold of it. What on earth... He grudgingly goes to answer it, wondering if it's just an annoying delivery man.

He wishes it was.

Instead it's a familiar face that pulls his shoulders square.

"What did I say–"

"You said balcony!" Chirps Rain with a victorious lilt, whole body vibrating with excitable energy as he jostles the box in his hands.

"I just meant leave me alone." Bites Taehyung sharply.

"But you're lonely." The box in Rain's hands comes to the forefront when he shows it off with a little shake and a, "Ta-da! I'm here to play!" Staring at the game makes Taehyung adamant that he should say no. He hates unpredictable outcomes and Yahtzee is the king of chance. But then his focus flickers to the sheer excitement on the boy's face as he waits to be invited in. A kid who knows literally nothing about him and yet he wants to play a game. "Please?"

"Fine. But I need to eat first." He huffs defeatedly, returning to the empty dining table where his food is starting to cool. The music still plays as his thoughts run wild. Why did I say yes? Why did I let him in? What is he doing here?

Whilst he sits at the end of the table, the boy saunters inside and takes the seat closest. Without more words he begins to set up the game, writing each of their names in the top section. Taehyung watches curiously whilst he eats. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" Hums Rain sweetly, handing over the set of 5 dice.

"Trying to hang out with me?"

"I told you, you're lonely."

"You can't say that to people." Warns Taehyung warily, however he doesn't deny it.

"Why not? You are."

"It's rude."

"Why? I saw you're lonely and I brought a game so we can be friends! You go first." There's something uncanny about his whole demeanour. So clearly genuine yet uncomfortably blunt. He has no ill will and yet he says things that make Taehyung's stomach turn. "You do know how to play right?" Rain interjects when he seems to wander into his thoughts. Without waiting for an answer Rain takes ahold of Taehyung's hand and uses it to collect the dice. "Like this." He then clasps them together and shakes before letting them drop. Taehyung can't even focus on the result when he's busy staring at the magnetic feeling of the boy's touch. Heat on his cheeks tells him he must be blushing.

"I– I know how to play." He stammers as he pulls his hand free and blinks at the result. Two 4s and the rest singles. Not a great start. He takes the three and re-rolls, left with three 4s and two 3s.

"Woohoo full house!" Rain cheers with a celebratory spin, gracefully landing back in his seat and scooping up the dice for his own turn. "Write that down! My turn!"  Just watching him tires Taehyung out, unable to fathom how one body could hold that much energy. It's not appropriate to question such a thing so he decides to give in and play the game.

Chapter Text

Mundanity is Taehyung's best friend. He's incredibly reliable and a regular visitor. He sits through fatigue laden days and empty weekends with such loyalty. There's no other friend like him. None stay through the lows like Mundanity does.

The past few days have been their longest hang out yet. Spent staring at the ceiling with the occasional burst of energy to play a game or write a poem. It never lasts long enough to bring a spark of motivation. The house is empty so it's just the two of them, his parents tiring themselves beyond function at work just to keep him alive; a paycheck to pay for his next appointment. At least Mundanity doesn't talk. He's eerily quiet and incredibly dull. Maybe that's why they're friends.

He falls asleep by the evening, woken by the hand that smoothes across his shoulder. Eunju waits patiently for him to fully wake before she speaks, nails gently massaging the tensity of his muscles.

"You gotta eat." She murmurs softly, never a good sign from someone as stern as her.

"I ate..." Taehyung mumbles groggily, wiping at his eyes and searching the room for his friend. It's a dark empty room.

"Not for several hours. C'mon, eat something and then you can go back to sleep. We'll wake you when you need to get up." He nods and takes the protein bar she has in her other hand, fumbling with the wrapper until he can take a bite. Guilt gets stuck in his through when he looks up to catch his mum's eyes.

"I'm okay. I'm just tired."

"It's never 'just tired'. You should be eating regularly and monitoring yourself." There's that sternness that settles some of his worries.

"I'm fine. Seriously."

"Don't snap at me."

"Then stop worrying." Eunju pulls away in a huff, teeth pulling her lips shut to hold back her retort. Instead she turns away and leaves so that he's back in his lonely room.

"Honey, you have to get up." When Taehyung feels an outward sensation his senses spark to life. First comes the touch, then the smell of his mum's perfume, then the sound of his alarm echoing beside him. In a flurry his eyes burst open and he's looking up at the clock to see that he's overslept. "Just put on a jumper and meet me at the car." She explains hurriedly before disappearing out the door.

Five minutes later Taehyung is staggering down the stairs with a baggy hoodie pulled over his pyjamas, fingers curled tight around the curve of his cane as he slips on a pair of shoes and grabs a fresh mask. Before stepping out the door he pulls his phone out and checks KMA, exhaling that last bit of panic to see the exhiliriting 1% stat for the day.

Sun burns against the outside of his eyelids barely shielded by his fringe, breath ragged against the inside of his mask that has become sweaty and hot. By the movement of each turn he can tell they're almost home. Maybe Mundanity will be waiting for him.

Instead someone else sits at their doorstep on arrival. It's the first time he's shown up with someone else around, and there's a brief moment of relief that Taehyung feels when Eunju steps out of the car and freezes, eyebrow crooked in confusion.

I'm not that crazy.

"Who are you?" She calls out cautiously, keys clutched close as she holds a hand out to keep her son still.

"I'm–" Begins the visitor cheerily but Taehyung hastily jumps in before he can finish.

"He's Jungkook! He's... a friend." Maybe not the best word to use but it's easier than having to explain the rest to his already restless parent who has had enough drama for her week.

"Jongkook? Like the actor you like?"

"No, Jungkook. Um he– we met at..." Quick thinking has never been his strong suit and he is clearly panicking. Rain watches from where he sits, curious eyes trying to read the situation.

"At the clinic." Finishes the peculiar boy affirmatively, a far better liar than Taehyung could ever be. "He's super funny. I'm here to hang out."

"You never invite people over." She mutters warily, turning to where he stands with a fist clenched around his cane and another tugging at the string pulled tight against his ear. "I have to work. Just don't be loud." She concedes with a sigh, moving passed the new arrival and disappearing into her office to try and make up for the hours she missed.

"Hi." Speaks Rain after a moment of silence, jumping to his feet and approaching his new friend. What he notices is the way Taehyung's chin rests against his chest and how his grip is tight on the stick holding him steady. Rain tries to reach for the mask that looks to be making it hard for the human to breathe but when he tries Taehyung pushes his hand away and makes his way into the house. Rain follows without instruction, following up the stairs until they enter a room that he's only ever seen from the outside. It's cozy and dark but full of unique little tidbits of art and pop culture. Some of it self-made, others creations he must've collected.

As he's admiring the set up he hears the springs of the bed squeak and looks over to see Taehyung curling himself up on the bed as he presses against his chest and heaves out shattering breaths. "Are you okay?" Rain queries with his first sign of typical humanity since they'd met. In contrast Taehyung laughs and completely ignores him, eyes squeezing shut.

For the first time Rain doesn't know what to do. He knows a game and a chat can't fix whatever is happening. So he decides to sit by the boy on the squishy mattress. With a hesitant movement he brings his fingers up to the dark strands of hair that cover Taehyung's face and begins to comb them gently through it. It's a repetitive movement that doesn't get rejected so he continues, sitting in the silence whilst he listens to the changes in each inhale as time passes.

Even when each breath sounds calmer Rain continues to brush over the softness, lips pulled into an uncertain frown. The curtains must've hidden this from him. Every appearance calculated and prepared. When the darkness filled this space, something else was happening.

"What's wrong with you?" Rain asks after half an hour of quiet. Once again the bluntness takes Taehyung by surprise, eyes darting up and eyebrows knitting with initial offence until he sees the true feeling behind such a question.

"How have you not been punched in the face before?" That's not a question Rain can honestly answer so he doesn't.

"Why do you go to that clinic place so much? It looks boring."

"Yeah well, not really going by choice." Huffs Taehyung lethargically. Eventually he realises there's still someone touching his hair and he pulls back suddenly. It doesn't help when Rain pouts. "I have a dodgy heart. Was born with it. I'll die cause of it." This time it's Taehyung's turn to be uncharacteristically emotionless, voice void of care or sorrow when he explains.

"How long til you die?"

"Dunno. I'm on a list for a new heart but I'll likely never get one. I go to those clinics to manage it. But I can't go anywhere because if I get sick my body will be too weak to fight it."

"Nowhere? Not even to a park?"

"Cesspools of germs, you mean?" Chuckles the human dryly, confusing Rain more and more by the second.

"You should he sad. Why are you laughing?"

"Oh should I? Let me just find all that extra energy I'd need to be so." In a fit of amusement he pretends to search his pockets, pulling out old seams with a nonchalant shrug. "None left." He smiles proudly when he notices how completely befuddled Rain is. Feeling victorious to finally see something beyond that boisterous character he's been playing.

"So you are going to die and you don't care?"

"You're gonna die too." Argues Taehyung daringly. "I just know the reason why I will. You could be dying right now and not even know it." That stumps Rain more than anything else has. There's something to that statement that strikes at the nerves he's only just begun to explore: how cold makes them tighten and shiver, and pain burns from the inside out. When Rain flexes each of his fingers he can feel each tendon move beneath his skin, can feel the pulse of blood that rushes through veins he can't see.

To be human is to die.

It's what he wanted. What he accepted when stepping into a body. Yet hearing someone else call it out hollows out a space inside the ribcage that holds his body in shape. "I'm kidding. Why'd that freak you out so much?" It's Taehyung's turn to touch the boy, finger tucking under his chin and flicking it up so he can see the glassy eyes that capture a storm within them. One that is entirely contained and beautiful. "Cheer up. You're bumming me out." His attempt to lift the mood is swept aside by Rain suddenly diving forward and wrapping him in a tight and unboundaried embrace, grip tight and intimate as he buries his head into that perfectly shaped divet in the human's shoulder.

It takes Taehyung by surprise in more ways than one, body constricting and arms failing to escape, trapped between their two bodies. This close he can smell something that couldn't be described as a perfume or cologne. Rain smells of memory. When he breathes in its like he can feel moments passing by. A perceptual phenomenon of smell and thought mixing into something so strangely comforting.

Maybe he gets lost in the reminiscent feeling, because things start to feel tingly when Rain finally pulls away and looks up at him with clearer eyes. Taehyung opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by a notification from his laptop as the screen lights up with a calendar reminder. How is it 4pm already?

He goes to untangle himself from the blankets and hands that had lingered, only to be pulled back to face the returning curiosity.

"What's that?" Rain points to the notification and waits for an answer.

"A reminder I've got a stream." Words spoken like a different language make Rain look even more confused. "It means I play games and other people watch from around the world."

"Oh like that Bluetooth stuff?" Taehyung tries not to laugh at the stupid question, pulling himself over to his desk chair with a few supported steps.

"Sort of."

"How do you do it?"

"Stick around and I'll show you." Subconsciously Taehyung hears himself say it but is unable to fully register how foreign such an offering feels to give. Part of him glances around the room in search of the friend he's abandoned. But Mundanity isn't there. Instead he sees Rain waiting with jittery excitement, eager to learn about this technology he's only ever seen from afar. Maybe it's not so bad, Taehyung thinks to himself, because there's only so much Mundanity he can take.

Chapter Text

Sometimes when the days get too quiet and the distractions stop working Taehyung begins to think about the world he could've seen if things had been different. A feeling that comes with jealousy and anger but quickly dissipates to that radical acceptance he's been trained to live his life by. This is all it will ever be.

They tell him it's okay to cry. Yet when he does he feels weak; like he's accepting defeat. So instead he scribbles messy thoughts until his pages rip from the pressure. He swallows down every attempt to sob until his head aches and the pen falls by his side.

When his parents come home he pretends to sleep. Afraid of what they'd say if they saw the poems of surrender scrunched up in his palm. He's never hurt himself, not in the ways his mind conjures, because pain scares him. If there was a way to make it quieten he'd take it. Why be brave when it doesn't allow him to recover? Then again, why be sad when it only steals the remains of his energy.

A strange thought occurs in his mind that evening. As he stares out the window into the dusk sky he thinks to himself: When will Rain come back? It's been a week since they played a game together, since Rain hugged him tight and combed his hair. Even if he wanted to find the boy he didn't know anything about him. The only proof he had of the boy's tangible existence was his mother's curiosity; asking when his new friend will be back around.

The next morning he stays hidden in his bed, bracing for the rain that is forecasted. His headphones are at full volume, blasting something basey and heavy to block out the rain. A storm billows through and he hides away, shivering into the bone chilling anxiety that threatens to make him faint.

Eerie silence shatters through the room when every electrical item cuts off all at once. The subliminal hum of white noise gone, leaving echoes of thunder in the dark. It's too late to hide in his wardrobe. So he shoulders the storm with cries that replace the hum he wishes to return. It must get too loud because he faintly hears his door open and a flicker of candlelight is placed on his bedside table.

"It will pass." His dad reassures in a quiet voice that can't be heard over the music. His arms embrace the boy in a safe hold, kissing at his hair and wiping at his tears. "You're okay." They lay curled up together until the storm passes and the power springs back into action. When it feels safe enough, Minsik gently tugs one of the ear buds free, cupping his son's cheeks and lifting his face into the light. "It's over now." Taehyung is still shaking and his shirt is soaked through with sweat. "There's no more. Can you sit up for me?" With help he is pulled to a seated position, hands held steady as his dad wipes his nose with a tissue. "That was a big one, huh?" Taehyung nods weakly, a guilty tightness in his chest.

"You skipped work?" That guilt spreads when his dad confirms his worry.

"I knew today was going to be tough. Besides, the roads would've been hectic. I got to catch up on some of my shows instead." Now settled enough to take deeper breaths, Taehyung tries to slow down the uncomfortable restlessness that had been building up slowly. "I made up some rice. If you'd like I can bring some up." He nods and hugs his dad loosely before letting him go. Once alone again his head drops into his hands, aching with a dehydrated tension.

It's an ephemeral sight when Taehyung is spotted in his garden, dressed in a set of overalls over a thick hoodie. He sits amongst pots of flowers and carefully prunes them, spraying each with pesticides to remove the aphids that have emerged from the winter frost.

For awhile Rain watches him from the fence line, adoring the way the human works so tenaciously. As he begins to prune the roses and place them to the side Rain skips up and taps him on the shoulder with a mischievous greeting,

"Is that for me?" With only a slight fright Taehyung shoots his head around and his eyes light up before his brain can try to stifle his enthusiasm.

"Rain! Where did you go?" His earnest question brings a bright beam to the pink haired boy's cheeks as he settles in the grass and picks up one of the roses.

"I had to rest. But I'm back now so don't worry."

"I wasn't worried. I just –" missed you.

"Why are you cutting away the pretty roses?" Asks Rain as he twirls the yellow flower between his fingers and brings it to his nose to smell. A sense that fills him with a thrill of immersion. To experience something with its whole essence instead of a fleeting glance or whisper.

"They're dying. I have to cut them or else the new ones won't grow."

"Harsh."

"Welcome to nature." It's hard for Rain not to smirk at the witty remark.

"I've never seen you in the garden before." Taehyung glances in his direction with a raised eyebrow.

"You are a stalker. You can't keep denying it. Where do you even live?"

"Here and there." Hums Rain absent-mindedly, picking at one of the yellow petals to feel its softness between his fingers. "You ever seen the park two streets over?" Instead of investigating the vague answer further, Taehyung decides to just ignore it and shake his head for the diversionary question. "It's got a playground with swings and a slide. It usually clears out after five. Wanna go?"

"Playgrounds are filthy. Besides, it's meant to rain this afternoon." Explains Taehyung as he pulls all the weeds and cuttings into a bucket and begins to remove his gloves. When he tries to get up he sees a hand held out, waiting for him to take. Despite knowing he can get up by himself he reciprocates the hold and let's his body be pulled up from the grass.

"It won't rain today I promise. I can clean the whole playground, top to bottom, if that means you'll come." Such a commitment makes Taehyung laugh because it could only ever be said as a joke. When he tries to walk back to the house Rain tightens his grip and pulls him still. "I'm serious. I'll bring alcohol wipes and spray. I'll wipe it all down before you touch anything."

"No, that's a waste of time."

"Not for me." Insists Rain eagerly, attempting to pull the human toward the outside world. But it's like pulling a marble statue, weighted heavily to the earth that is safe and familiar.

"I said no." In a snap of a second they're back to day one, Taehyung's voice sharp and bitter. It dampens some of Rain's excitement as he releases the arm in his hold. "Look, I don't even know who you are. I'm not going anywhere with you."

"I'm Rain. I told you."

"That's not a real name anyone has. I made up a name for you because if anyone heard you call yourself that they'd think you're some self absorbed idol."

"But it is my name." Huffs Rain bluntly. It hurts a little inside his chest when Taehyung rolls his eyes and continues to retreat back inside. The feeling is strange, an internal pang of pain that has no physical cause. Yet it seems to hurt more than the times he trips and grazes his knee.

Tomorrow turns to today and Rain knocks on the door this time. As he waits his eyes turn to the vibrant blue sky that shimmers down upon the dew still fresh. A reminder of the spirits that must be watching him with dismay as he plays this silly game of to-and-fro. The thrill of life can't beat anything he's witnessed in his existence. Why hadn't he done this sooner?

Well, he knows why.

"It's still no." Comes a voice that pulls his attention back to the now open door. Taehyung's hair is a complete mess and he's in his pyjamas. He's holding a small dog that looks up at Rain with bright eyes and a panting smile.

"Puppy!" Sings Rain with a loud boost in the otherwise quiet neighbourhood. His hands dive for the creature that is quickly pulled away. "Awww, please let me hold it."

"No." The shortness in the human's words is easy to pick up on. It takes all of Rain's focus to not let the surliness affect him.

"Why're you so grumpy today?"

"I'm not grumpy. I'm tired and I'm in pain, and I don't want to be arguing with you."

"Why would you argue with me?"

"Because you're thick as bricks." Mutters Taehyung beneath his breath, ideally low enough that the boy doesn't hear him. "What do you want?"

"I want to hang out." Answers the cheery pink ball of energy that is slowly softening that irritable lump in Taehyung's throat.

"Why?"

"Well if I wasn't here what else would you be doing?" Rain accuses pointedly, still trying to reach for the fluff ball that watches his every micro movement.

"One day I'm going to slam this door in your face."

"But not today?" He coos optimistically, performing a dramatic cheer when the human rolls his eyes and turns away with the entrance left open. The house is cleaner than usual, couch vacuumed and laid out neatly, table set with fine china. "Who's all this for?"

"We have a home visit tomorrow, mum freaks out when people come to the house and goes overboard." Where Taehyung decides to sit, Rain sits as close as he can without touching despite the couch being several seats wide. There's not enough energy to care. It's quiet whilst they settle into eachother's company, Rain focused on tempting the puppy with clicks and whispers of treats. The dog watches from its bed and remains still. "Can you tell me something about who you are?" Asks Taehyung eventually. "You just appeared out of nowhere and all I know is your name."

"My name that you think is fake." Hums Rain as he ponders the question. What truthful thing can he say that wouldn't freak the human out? There's nothing supernatural about their world. Spirits are an essence that no one ever truly witnesses until their death. He doesn't have a life to tell stories about or connections to share. "I, well ... I don't have a family or many friends. I call you lonely but I guess I am too. I've travelled a lot," It's a version of the truth that feels safe enough to share. His eyes search the human for concern or disbelief. Instead there's an empathetic sadness. "I'm not alone or sad. I just don't settle well in places. I come and I go. When I saw you by yourself so often, I guess I wanted to give you my company." It's all real. He doesn't want to lie, he knows that friendships should exist in reality. Still a part of him feels that funny inside feeling knowing he's not being his whole self.

"So you pitied me?"

"No not at all. I was curious and wanted to know more." With the slightest shuffle their arms meet, and Rain can't help but trace his fingers across the softness of the cozy fabric Taehyung is wearing. "I don't think you should be pitied, Tae. I think you should be loved." It looks as if the vivacious pink of the boy's hair gets printed onto Taehyung's cheeks, lips sealed tight as he tilts himself away.  "Sorry. Is that me saying something wrong again?" The other is still too dizzy with overwhelm to answer, distracted by the gentle fingers that trace his forearm. "I don't mean love like that. Any kind of love."

"I know." Taehyung breathes out finally, lip well and truly chewed through. "You travel?" Trickster meets trickster when Rain sees the desperate attempt to deflect. So he plays fair, nodding to the question. "Where have you been?"

"Most of Europe and a few parts of Asia. This world is so big that it's taking me a long time to explore it all."

"Where has been your favourite?"

"Here." Whispers Rain like it's a confession. But he doesn't mean the country or the town. It's this exact moment, hand still holding onto the radiating warmth of another and breathing in the smell of tea tree. Every magnificent mountain, expansive ocean and towering tree becomes insignificant when he compares them to this feeling of life and connection. A life sentence so beautiful that he finds himself forgetting about the loss it entails.

Chapter Text

Rain doesn't give up easy. When the lowest of lows he's survived include the literal destruction of earth, a simple persuasion of a bitter human is child's play. What he doesn't realise until he's in the thick of it is just how stubborn Taehyung can be. Rooted in agoraphobic commitment to the home that's held him safe and protected from the unpredictable nature of the world.

There's that worry that if Rain pushes too far he'll break whatever this strange friendship is between them. It's hard to tell if Taehyung wants to be his friend or whether he's just accepting it out of apathy.

A few weeks go by and Rain decides to take a more tactical approach. They spend several days cooped up in the human's comfort zone: playing games, gardening and listening to different music. They build up a routine where Taehyung begins to expect him. Every second day he sits by his window and watches, waiting for the vibrant visitor to show.

Today Rain shows up with a backpack and it piques Taehyung's curiosity right away. He opens the door with a raised eyebrow, questioning the new accessory.

"I have a proposal." Explains Rain carefully, allowing for them to settle at the kitchen table where Taehyung brings him a plate of fruit. "But first, on a scale of 1 to 10, how open-minded are you feeling?"

"Dwindling by the second." Replies Taehyung warily, picking at a grape as he tries to get a peek in the bag. His answer doesn't impress. "Fine, a 5."

"I'll take it. I want you to come to the park with me." Walls spring up like a trap laid out in wait. The defensive strike battering Rain's confidence in his persuasive tactics as he watches Taehyung's face scrunch up in distress. "We could be there for one minute and you could leave straight away. But I want you to see it."

"I know what a park looks like."

"Doesn't mean you know what it feels like. I've seen half the world and yet I have never gotten to truly experience it because I've been stuck as an observer. To be a part of it is something different and special." Taehyung scoffs and digs his nails into the timber table, shaking his head lethargically.

"I can't." He insists with those walls cradling him tight.

"You can. Wear your mask and bring your cane. I'll sanitise everything. We'll wait until no one else is around. There's no variables that we can't control that wouldn't exist in this house."

"What if I do get sick? Last time I was in the ICU for a month. All that risk for a swingset and slide? It's idiotic."

"I won't let you get hurt, Tae." Whispers Rain softly, reaching for the clenched hand and laying his own across it. Taehyung's hands are cold in contrast to his own; pale and slightly discoloured. "Try something new. I know you want to." He decides that he's said as much as he can. The rest is up to the cynical human refusing eye contact. However he doesn't pull his hand away, slowly absorbing the warmth of the other.

As Taehyung ponders the offering, Rain continues to chow through the fruit, eyes alight with absolute wonder as if he's eating it for the very first time. It's childlike in a sense, that sheer joy from the most fickle things. Taehyung's first instinct is to judge, to look down on someone so immature. The more he watches the more he realises that judgement comes from jealousy. I've never felt like that. When childhood looks like hospital walls, it's not so appealing to return to.

"Okay." He finally announces. Not for himself. It's so he can see those pools of emotion soar when Rain looks up in shock, mouth agape with cutely screwed up cheeks.

There's a chill in the air that fringes on Taehyung's nerves. His fingers are buried deep in his pockets, hoodie pulled over a beanie that keeps his ears warm. The breath inside his mask warms his cheeks, allowing for the hidden smile to blossom as he watches his strange new friend scamper around the playground equipment, wiping down every surface like he's paid by the inch. There's a walking trail that cuts through and the occasional couple will stop to watch the unusual sight. Rain doesn't even notice them, lips pouted in full concentration mode.

Taehyung feels like he's dreaming. Like this is some utopian dream where he's made up this perfect person to fix all of his problems with the most outrageous strategies. Why would anyone waste an hour of their life cleaning public property for a five minute adventure? The amount of 'why' questions Taehyung has for Rain are insurmountable, when he thinks he has one answered, another appears. Yet Rain never answers. He continues to be an elusive ball of energy.

Despite the urge to run, Taehyung stays. It would be cruel to leave now after the effort that's been put in. He's a coward not a bastard.

"Done!" Calls Rain from across the park, waving the empty bottle of disinfectant spray around like a race flag at the starting line. "Come here!" The first step happens then the thoughts come flooding in and Taehyung freezes. It's safe. "Sit here!" Continues his companion when he stills. Don't disappoint him. He takes another step, boots crunching down on the damp mulch put there to soften a fall.

Rain waits by a swingset, unable to stay still as he jumps and circles the equipment until Taehyung is close enough for him to reach out and tug on the baggy sleeves that hide his arms. "Here, sit. I'll push you."

"Wait." Snaps Taehyung nervously, clutching the material of his pockets tighter. "Just... give me a second." There's a tightening in his chest he can feel but it's not as bad as he'd expected. The swing is still damp from the wipes. "The chains? Did you wipe them?"

"Of course. Every inch." Trust him. Before he can argue back he sits, gloved hands wrapping around the chains that hold his weight. He looks up to the sky that is still so blue. He sees the trees, that have grown so tall, swaying in the breeze that isn't cold enough to make him shiver. "When you're ready, I'll push you gently." It takes a few minutes until he can finally nod, grip tight like he's about to go on a roller-coaster.

"Slow." He whispers as he braces himself. Rain's warm hands touch his shoulder blades, tugging him slightly back so that he has some momentum to go forward. The bottom's of Taehyung's shoes drag across the ground. His jaw clenches tighter, eyes squeezing shut when the change in air hits his corneas.

"More?" Without thinking he nods. So Rain pushes a little stronger, until the earth disappears beneath Taehyung and he feels the strange shift of the wind like he's a part of it. With his eyes closed it's dizzying, so he opens them, staring out at the world swaying beneath him. The trees are a little shorter and he can see the tops of houses that surround them.

Wind hits his face and he feels something starkly cold, tears soaking into the fabric of the mask that hides his expression. It's too late to stifle the sob that escapes, bringing an abrupt end to the swinging as Rain pulls him still and appears in front of him with a worried frown. "I'm sorry was that too much?" Taehyung shakes his head and wipes at his eyes with the cuffs of his hoodie, sniffling away the remains of the unexpected reaction.

"No." He croaks then laughs. "I just..." he can't explain what the feeling is. It doesn't feel inherently negative yet it brings his mood plummeting. Rain takes the swing beside him and waits in the quiet. "I missed this." Taehyung finally explains. "I couldn't have this." It's grief. Longing for something that will never exist again; childhood.

"You can now. It's not too late to try." Maybe Rain is right. But it doesn't feel the same. He can't sit in a classroom and get scolded by a teacher, can't spend an afternoon riding bikes down the street only to be yelled at by the road ragers. If he does it now, he's immature. Someone will tell him to grow up.

"How do you do it?" Asks Taehyung desperately. "How do you love things so much without feeling like a fool?"

"Why am I fool for loving everything? Strange thing to judge." Retorts Rain crossly, pointing up to the sky where dusty pink clouds are starting to appear. "There's pink in the sky and I'm supposed to feel indifferent? I think human's over promise what magic is in all those stories, when this world is so full of it."

"Like a seed growing into that tree." Adds Taehyung as he follows the train of thought, pointing across to one of the oldest and tallest trees. "I'm not saying you are a fool. I just feel like a fool when I try to love things that much."

"Why?" It's ironic that that is Rain's favourite question.

"I don't really know. I have always worried about what others think of me. Everyone knows everyone here, yet I can't name anyone except my doctors. What do they think about when they see me?"

"That's a lot of energy wasted on something not very important."

"I don't do it on purpose!" Rain giggles at his irked tone. "It's not funny, it's an actual disorder."

"I never said it wasn't. I just think that your brain sounds silly. It doesn't like itself." When he returns to look at the sky it's far more vibrant, set aflame with whatever intricate systems controls its magical display. A different painting hand crafted every night for the world to just ignore. "Tae," He calls out with a smile, "The sun is setting and you're still here."

Chapter Text

Rain can be sad. Not in the way a human grieves or a child cries. Not in the sensory representations of a choked up voice or reddened eyes. Instead it's in the coldness of his skin that holds his spirit in its transient form. Today is like ice as he sits on the balcony edge and watches his friend sleep. The curtains are left ajar and Rain can't help but think it is for him.

This is the third day like this. Very little has changed since Rain showed up three days ago prepared to be precariously optimistic, only to find his friend deeply asleep. There have been occasional moments where Taehyung wakes, enough time for him to eat something forced upon him by his parents. On the second day he caught a glimpse of pink and smiled. Then he went back to sleep.

Rain shivers and curls his fingers into the softness of his sleeves, chewing on his lip that holds his words ready to blurt. The weather doesn't follow his every whim, if it did there'd be hurricanes far too often. But when things get really intense there can be fluctuations so Rain tries not to let his sadness consume him. All he wants is for his friend to be happy, and to be the cause of his despair is something he never wants.

So he sits on the balcony for two more days waiting.

There's no one waiting the next time Taehyung wakes. It's his first instinct to look out the window when he feels enough breath fill his lungs. It's overcast and grey, no pink in sight. He pulls the covers away and gets dressed in something that will keep the chill out. With cane in hand he staggers down the stairs and tugs the front door open to venture out into the world that scares him.

There's a brief pause when he opens the gate, looking down at the pavement that is splattered with bird droppings. With that breath in his lungs he sighs and pushes forward. He wanders the streets searching trees and windows for that familiar colour.

He walks for five minutes and is already struggling, body held by a manufactured piece of plastic that he clutches onto tightly. He used to think of the stickers as power ups, giving him strength through the shiny surface. There's a bus stop up ahead that has a seat he can take, body curling up on the metal, hands contained within his jumper to avoid touching any of the surfaces. Patiently he tries to find his breath, chest squeezing tight around each slow inhale that he holds onto for longer than he needs to.

As he's focused on the rhythm the sound of brakes squealing filters in and he looks up to see a bus pull up to the curb. The doors open and he watches something vibrant appear, jumping from the germ infested vehicle with a pair of floral white rain boots hitting the pavement with a dull thud.

"You're lost." Coos Rain's sweet voice teasingly, waving at the bus driver who gives a peculiar look before driving away to continue his life's mundanity. Taehyung holds another breath for a different reason this time. With the sun behind Rain he seems to glow, fingers dazzling in the light when he waves with zealous movements.

"I'm not lost. I was looking for you." Croaks Taehyung softly, shuddering when the cold of the seat begins to seep through his clothes.

"Well you found me. You left the house!"

"I did and I'm regretting it." Rain pouts, gesturing for the other to move over so he can sit beside him. "I need to go home."

"Well you're here now. Why not stay a little longer?" Taehyung's eye roll isn't missed, it makes the pink haired boy giggle. "Sometimes I think you don't like me." The sudden accusation startles the human from his haze, eyes shooting to the strange boy with a screwed up expression just visible above the black mask he wears.

"Are you thick? I left the house for you!"

"See yelling at me doesn't help." Rain continues to tease, skin alight with warmth when the human's eyebrows continue to furrow tighter. "Do I annoy you?"

"Yes."

"So you don't like me?"

"I didn't say that." Rain's pout rounds his cheeks that get pinker when the wind blows. "You annoy me but I like you. Two things can be true at once."

"Hmph."

"What do you mean 'hmph', I like you okay! Stop pouting." That expression splits into a toothy grin, creasing the flush around his eyes. When he looks over victoriously Taehyung groans and shoves his face into his knees. "Not like that."

"No take backsies! Tae likes meeeee!" By now Taehyung isn't even acknowledging the boy, body so contorted that he looks like a ball of earthy coloured fabric sprouting hair.

"Shut up, are you going to take me back home or not?" Grumbles the human as his hand peeks out from the ball, waiting to be taken. Rain doesn't waste a second taking hold and pulling them down the street, hopping over every second slab of concrete whilst Taehyung follows in his footsteps, taking far less energetic hops over the imaginary playground that the boy creates. By the time they're at the gate his cheeks are beginning to hurt from the smile Rain has painted for him.

Rain waits in the room whilst Taehyung makes them both a warm drink. As he sits alone his eyes wander around the space. He takes a particular interest in the wall of small paintings, all depicting an abstract human figure wrapped in various colours. There's one toward the bottom of the wall that has the human figure in grey, wrapped up in a pink that's very similar to the shade of pink his hair is. As he stands to explore further the door opens and Taehyung shuffles inside with two mugs resting between his arm and torso.

"I need to warn you about something." Mutters Taehyung as he places the mugs down on his bedside table and sinks into the mattress. "It's meant to rain today and I don't know when. If... if it does I don't know if you can stay."

"Why not? I can help you through it."

"No. I need to be alone."

"Are you embarrassed?" Guesses Rain whilst sipping at the liquid that warms his insides. It's a feeling so unique that he has to pause for a second to fully process it. He's used to warmth by now, but not on the inside. It settles in his stomach like a hearth coming to life, yet leaves a trail of heat in its wake.

"No." He's not very convinced.

"I know you hide and cry. Why can't we hide together?"

"Because that's not helpful." He can tell that Taehyung is getting frustrated, but not enough to shut down like he tends to when Rain crosses a line.

"How do you know if you've never tried?"

"I have tried. I used to sit with my dad but he just made it worse, always asking questions and trying to 'expose' me to it."

"And if I was quiet? If I just hugged you?" He bites back his smile when Taehyung flushes significantly, eyelids fluttering closed and voice disappearing. Rain leaves it there, warm hands holding the warm drink as he observes the human's internal processing in the ways it makes itself external. His fingers tug at dead skin on his lip and his other hand taps a rhythm into the ceramic cup. His eyes glaze over and become unfocused, losing all sense of the world around him.

Time passes and Rain is happy to sit in quiet. He's warm and that's all he needs. There's a rumbling deep within him that warns him of what's to come. It's insignificantly small but from the perception of his friend he knows it will feel like drowning. So without saying a word he takes Taehyung's hand and begins to pull the blanket from the end of the bed over them both.

Two minutes later the first sound of rain pattering breaks through. Tremors take over Taehyung's skin, eyes squeezing shut and lips beginning to tremble. He doesn't complain when Rain pulls him to his chest, fingers making themselves comfortable in the dark strands of hair. In the dark Rain can't see the other but he hears and feels him: the way his breaths quicken and his heart races. Despite wanting to reassure with words Rain stays quiet. He hugs as tight as he comfortably can, nose burying into hair that shakes with the body it belongs to.

Ten minutes go by and Rain's insides begin to settle as the pattering dissipates into quiet. He keeps his warmth wrapped around the human until he's ready.

"I'm sorry." Whispers Taehyung into the silence, trying to pull away only for Rain to keep him still.

"Don't do that." He whispers back, stern but sweet. "I can still feel your heart. It's –"

"I know..." Echoes Taehyung with the same worry. Because even though the storm is gone he still has that rapid pulse threatening his consciousness. It usually takes half an hour to settle. Not this time. With the embrace and the quiet he can feel it begin to ease within the first few minute. "I'm okay, Rain." He insists because he's worried the other isn't going to let him go.

"Why are you scared of me?" Rain asks before he can think it through, tangible mind yearning for an answer. When he realises his mistake he opens his mouth to amend the question but he's too late.

"You? I'm not scared of you?"

"Rain. I meant rain. Why are you scared of rain?" Now Taehyung pulls away, blanket tugged from over them and dropping to wrap around their shoulders as the room brightens with the clearing skies. There's a curiosity in the way Taehyung looks at Rain now but he doesn't speak to it. Instead he tries to think of an answer.

"I don't know. It's irrational."

"Irrational?"

"There's no reasonable explanation for why. I don't know how to explain it. I've been afraid of it since I was a kid. I just always get this feeling that something bad will happen and I can't convince myself otherwise. Just the sound triggers such an intense fear that it's like I forget how to breathe." As he says the word he tries to exhale, hand squeezing around the warm hand he hadn't even noticed still in his. "I got stuck in a big storm when I was really young. I was coming home from surgery and the roads were too dangerous to drive on so dad had to pull over. Nothing happened and we got home fine. I guess I just took that moment and blew it out of proportion. I've never really gotten over it."

"Your brain sounds broken." Rain murmurs softly, biting a laugh when Taehyung slaps his arm. "Did you ever go puddle jumping? Or dance in the rain? Or! Or did you ever try to eat the rain drops?" The human shakes his head. "Would you ever try?"

"No. I can't even hear rain, let alone be in it."

"Well what if we practised?" Hums the pink boy with increasing excitement, fingers tickling the inside of the other's palm before letting go and jumping from the bed to search for something that could play music. He pulls at Taehyung's laptop and flips it open. "Pick a song."

"What?"

"Pick a song. We're going to dance." It's not an offer but an instruction. One that Taehyung doubts he'll get away with turning down. Despite the quiet Rain is already humming and tapping his foot, itching to dance. Grudgingly Taehyung pulls out his phone and searches for 'songs to dance in the rain to' because there has to be a particular vibe to it, right?

He bites his lip when one of the top songs is about slow dancing. Heat hits his cheeks and he hopes Rain isn't looking. Instead of searching for another song he taps on that one and the gentle synth and base begin to thrum through the speakers. Rain's whole body reacts, twirling into Taehyung's personal space to tug him from the bed and into his arms.

It starts with a sway, Rain's arms over his shoulders, eyes swimming with vibrancy when he watches the timid movements of the other. He guides each step, rhythmically imperfect but steady. When the tempo escalates in a crescendo of intense emotion he loosens the hold and pulls himself into a spin, allowing Taehyung to hold him when he does. When he lands back in the embrace its with a clumsy fumble that nearly topples them both over. Any professional would've lost their cool if they saw the sheer foolishness of their performance.

All Rain feels is warmth.

Chapter Text

The breeze is tepidly gentle against skin that peeks out beneath the sage woollen sweater that Taehyung wears. His face turns toward the sun that watches over the two of them. It's an afternoon of quiet after a morning filled with laughter. Together they bring the abstract forms of future rain into illusions of life. Above the clouds roll by like they're flying, despite Taehyung knowing it's the earth beneath them taking the journey.

"I genuinely cannot see anything in those shapes."

"What about the dolphin over there?" Rain points to a blob and looks over expectantly at the sceptical human.

"Have you ever seen a dolphin? That looks nothing like one!" Argues Taehyung, trying to tilt his head in different ways to find the animal the other insists on.

"It's got that curve, and the little cloud above it is like a bit of water spraying out." Continues Rain, giggling when he sees the screwed up confusion of Taehyung's face. "How can you not see that? The spirits couldn't make it more obvious if they tried."

"Spirits?" Wonders the human curiously, still distractedly searching the sky for this so-called dolphin. "You believe in spirits?"

"Cloud spirits are funny. They get to do so many fun things with the sky. Once they created a sun out of the clouds and blocked the real sun with it. She was livid."

"She?" Rain bites his lip and holds a breath.

"The sun. She has a spirit too." This topic feels like treading on fractured glass, any misstep and he'll fall through. "That's what I believe." He decides to conclude, hoping there are no follow ups on his assumptions about the world. Maybe the clouds are watching him right now, laughing at him, waiting for this all to fall apart. He wouldn't blame them. There have always been warnings about life's limits. Spirits don't want to be contained, so why pick something as imprisoning as a physical form?

"I bet she's hot." Taehyung interrupts his internal spiral with a quip and a smirk, trying desperately not to laugh at his own corny joke. So Rain laughs... because he can. His head tilts back, forearms holding up his body. He feels fingers tap against his bicep, arm laid out beneath him. Taking the invitation, he rests back against the hold, arm settling in the divet between his neck and shoulders. Taehyung's fingers latch onto his hair in an absent-minded fidget as he continues to watch the sky.

In this space Rain's eyelids feel like stones rolling down a hill, begging him to rest in the dark and quiet of slumber. Because Taehyung doesn't tend to talk he finds himself giving in.

Even when Rain's head lolls slightly, Taehyung doesn't adjust. The world continues to move and yet they are stiller than ever. Part of him holds his breath, not wanting to disturb the body beside his. He takes glance across and sees the gentle rise and fall of the boy's chest as he wanders in whatever dreamscape he has created. Knowing his peculiar mind it's something vivid and unpredictable. That dolphin cloud is gone when he returns to watching the sky above. Now he sees a new one, undeniably shaped like a heart. Those damn spirits.

The dinner table is quiet for the most part. Only disrupted by the occasional clatter of plates and chopsticks, or a clearing of someone's throat. Taehyung's eyes don't really lift from the table, staring at a stain in the wood grain that always irks him. It's his dad who decides to break the silence,

"How is that friend of yours?" He shrugs reactively, chewing slowly as he tries to think of what to say. They usually hang out when his parents are at work. Their cloud watching and slow dancing are his secrets to keep.

"Why has that boy stayed your friend when everyone else gets shut out?" Queries his mum with her own curiosity. The two share a glance when their son keeps quiet. Minsik mouths for her to apologise for the abrupt wording. "I don't mean that in a rude way, sorry Tae. I just mean, we've never seen you have friends like this before." 

"I don't know." He mumbles uncertainly, because really he doesn't. There's some sort of gravitational pull that keeps him coming back to thoughts about the pink haired boy. Thoughts that confuse him. "He doesn't give up when I shut down. Even when I try, he just keeps coming back. I don't know why, I'm not nice to him."

"Why is that?" Minsik wonders.

"I don't know." Grumbles Taehyung tightly, his lips pulled thin and eyes squeezed shut. He gave up on therapy a long time ago and this conversation is starting to feel too close for comfort.

"Tae, we don't want you to be alone."

"I know."

"Then why don't you let us help?"

"Because I don't want to deal with stupid centres anymore. I don't want to have to sit with other fucked up kids and talk about my feelings and I don't want to explain my issues to some normal kid."

"But Jungkook–"

"He's different." He cuts in sharply, nails digging beneath the table's edge to seethe his anger that is entirely misdirected. "I'm sorry."

"Tae it's okay. You're allowed to be frustrated." Minsik reaches for his hand but it's pulled away before he can take it. "This month has been hard. I'm glad you have someone to keep you distracted." His son's nod of acknowledgement is stiff but present which means he hasn't completely dissociated. "You should invite him to dinner sometime." He suggests to bring the topic to something a little lighter.

"Yes I would love to!!!" Squeals the hyperactive boy with a gleaming grin, eyes alight with that shower of excitement that comes from the most insignificant things. Taehyung gave up trying to hide his adoration for the expression a long time ago, his own smile sitting proudly.

"What about tonight? Mum's gonna cook which is better than when my dad does." Rain's nod is fueled by an agressive thrill, whole body buzzing with fervency as he bounces around the garden in his rain boots. "Why do you wear those?" He points to the peculiar choice of footwear.

"So I'm ready if I come across a puddle!" He imitates a jump into an imaginative puddle, making a splashing noise with his mouth. Taehyung chuckles as he finishes transferring a new rose plant into the gap between the existing ones. Right now it is a sad looking stem with a few small leaves on it. Given time it will flourish.

It's an unfamiliar thing to witness the liveliness that fills the dining room tonight. Sounds of clattering plates and chopsticks fall to white noise when the voices float above them with such vivid emotion. Rain shares stories about the places he's seen, describing the silver lakes that mirrored the world above them and the peaks of fjords that looked down upon their own reflection. He describes the Aurora Borealis like a painting, expressing each brush stroke with words and hand movements. Taehyung keeps his smile hidden behind his hand as he eats and listens. Every story is so theatrically described that it feels like he's living them.

Between stories Rain is hoovering down food, never still. There's the briefest of moments when he becomes quiet and he looks over to where his friend sits. He watches Taehyung flip open a plastic container and pour things into his hand. They disappear in his mouth followed by a drink and Rain wants to ask but worries it will upset the other adults he's trying so hard to impress.

Rain can't stop thinking about it. Even when they're half way through a movie that follows a heroes journey to heal his curse, meeting strange humans and even cute spirits that Rain adores. It keeps building in him until he can't hold it in, blurting out the question amid an intense scene that has Taehyung captivated.

"What did you eat at dinner?" Taehyung's finger taps the spacebar and the movie pauses, head tilting to face the boy in the dark. "They were these little–"

"Oh, my meds?" Rain nods.

"What are they?"

"Medicine. Keeps me alive longer."

"But you took so many." Taehyung smiles and shrugs, shifting the pillow behind them both and tugging the fluffy blanket in closer. "They make your heart normal?"

"No. Just help it function a little better." A sigh escapes his lips when he feels Rain bury his face into his side, arms wrapping around his torso. It's incredibly invasive and forward, yet Taehyung doesn't tell him to stop. Curled up with eachother they continue the movie in a bubble of warmth that leaves a flush on Taehyung's cheeks.

When the credits begin to play he can feel the breath against his skin, feels the looseness of the arms holding him. Looking down he sees that Rain's eyes are softly closed and lips pouted. The darkness outside is void like, moon missing from its post. His thumb taps at the pink boy's cheek, tugging him from the slumber he is yearning for.

"Mm?" Hums Rain quietly, eyes shut for a little longer before he peeks up and beams.

"Don't you need to go home?" He is unhelpful in his answer, shrugging and shutting his eyes again. This time it's obvious he's awake, lips twitching and breath quicker. He's playing a game and there is a clear winner. "You can stay if you want." Offers Taehyung after a minute of indecisiveness. An instrument thrums within him, one that's coordinated and gentle in comparison to the discord that tends to make its home there. He continues to rouse the boy with gentle taps to his cheeks, biting back his fondness when he meets the bright eyes that flutter open.

"Yeah." Rain whispers, squeezing one last hug before rolling off the bed and onto his feet in a graceful twirl. "I wanna stay."

"I need dad to get the mattress out. We can set it up in here." A few minutes later Minsik is knocking on the door with their supplies. He gives his son secret glances of pride whilst he helps to set up the spare mattress with a cosy blanket and fresh pillows which are currently squished up in a hug by their first guest in years.

When the latch clicks leaving the two alone again Rain dives onto the bed and wraps himself up in the warmth. There's no way to be stoic when watching him. It's only when Rain finally begins to settle that Taehyung notices the ache of his jaw. It's a realisation of the expression that had been such a rarity. He doesn't want it to go away.

"You smile funny." Whispers the pink boy into the quiet. "Good funny." He adds with tongue between his teeth cheekily. Taehyung rolls his eyes and gets up to collect his pyjamas from his wardrobe.

"Do you want something to change into?" He asks whilst he's there, looking back to see that his friend is already completely devoured by the duvet. He looks like a sunset cloud.

"Nope! I like these clothes."

"You always wear that, is your wardrobe just copies of them?" Rain giggles and nods. "To each their own. I'll be back." The minutes when he's gone leave Rain in silence that itches at his brain like unwanted hayfever. Night time norms still confuse him. The idea of shutting off for such a long time is strange and boring. But he has learnt if he doesn't that his body starts to shut down. So he tries to slow his breathing down and closes his eyes.

He doesn't hear Taehyung come back in, too focused on the pulse battering against his skin like a poorly controlled drum beat. Things could be worse than this, there could be nothing. With fingers tracing the place where his heart is he flutters his eyes open and looks up into the dark to see the silhouette of a figure curled up on the bed. In the dark it's hard to tell if he's awake. His body shifts every few seconds when he breathes but there's no restlessness. Like this he looks peaceful and safe. If only every day could be like this.

Why can't they try?

"Can I help you with your fear?" Rain whispers into the quiet, a yearning hope that he can fulfil his original purpose. The games and the comfort are wonderful, but they don't quench that curiosity that simmers deep inside, quietly reminding him that time will run out.

A few minutes go by and Taehyung doesn't answer. Part of Rain wonders if he should ask again a little louder. The rest tells him to leave it and try to sleep himself. So he shuts his eyes and hugs the blanket closer, visualising an empty park in a mellow rain storm. Where the droplets splat against the benches and drip from leaves to the earth. He sees himself in the reflection of the water, feels it like he's the one falling. As he sinks into the ground his consciousness begins to drift into that intangible space he is more comfortable in. Because that's all a dream is right? An existence that doesn't truly exist anywhere but in the self.

"Yes." He hears in that subconscious space, and he falls asleep smiling.

Chapter Text

Something about Rain's eye anatomy must make the world around him more vibrant because he doesn't remember the farmer's crops looking this delicious when he'd watch from afar. It's a task to keep his fingers from touching everything. He breathes in the wind swept smells of earth and vegetables, wanting to take a bite of every one. He skips through the market with an awestruck grin, questioning every stall owner on their produce and talking their ear off about the benefits of the rain. If anyone knew who he really was they'd see him as a self-obsessed idiot, but to the farmer's he is just a zealous young boy with eyes of wonder.

One of the many stalls catches his eye and he finds himself lingering around it whilst the stall owner makes conversation with other customers. There are rows and rows of red berries shining under the spring sun. He wants to buy some but he has no money.

After several minutes go by with him just standing there, the middle aged woman turns to him with an expectant brow raised.

"Are you here to buy?"

"No ma'am." He whispers with a barely contained frown, twitchy fingers squeezed tight together. She flicks her eyes down to the movement and a soft smile flutters free. She pulls at a punnet and tears the cling wrap off the top, taking a strawberry and holding it out for the boy.

"How about a taste? Will that convince you?" He grabs for it quicker than he can rationally think about a response, taking a bite and melting into the overwhelming sweetness of the berry. It's soft, crisp and cold from the morning chill but not enough to hurt his teeth. The woman chuckles as she watches the euphoria, mesmorised by the expressive nature of such a strange boy. "Tell ya what, I'll give you 20% off if you buy two."

"I have no money." He mumbles through a pout, fiddling with the leaves of the fruit as he ponders eating them too. But the scraps behind her tell him he shouldn't.

"None at all? Then why are you at a market, dear?" She wonders as she puts the punnet to the side and greets a few passing customers with a kind smile.

"Just looking." Rain admits, licking at the corner of his mouth to get the remnants of his new favourite thing.

"Well that's just torture. Come back next week and I'll give you a punnet of my duds for free." She has to hold back a full blown laugh when the boy's whole body jitters with anticipation, eyes bright and large as he nods and thanks her with a clap and a bow. "Best finish your adventure then." Rain waves a gleeful goodbye before beginning to scuttle down the remaining aisles of stalls. A burst of orange catches his eye this time.

He takes a few steps closer when something sharp hits him in the chest. It goes dark before he can process what's happening and a sudden emptiness begins to fill him from the inside out. Except there is no inside or outside anymore. There's a void of everything; he can't see, can't feel, can't hear... It feels jarringly cold. He wants to wants to scream but he can't speak. It's freezing and he's alone. Any breath that filled him with life is gone.

Am I dead?

The floating thought appears as quickly as it leaves, because right as Rain thinks it sound begins to flood his brain in overwhelming amounts. Light hits him with a flinch and he scrambles from the muddy floor that cakes his white clothes in the dark brown mess that usually excites him. There's a crowd around him, some uncomfortably close with eyes pooling worry. Every breath he missed in that brief moment comes rushing back and he finds himself hyperventilating as he skids to his feet and sprints as fast as he's capable of.

He runs without a destination in mind but the place that he always comes back to is subconsciously set. He doesn't notice until he spots the house that there's emotion filled rain spilling down his cheeks and into his mouth. The taste washes away any sweetness of those perfect strawberries.

By the time he hits the door he's sobbing, smashing at the doorbell with cries that must sound terrifying for anyone nearby. He screams for the human he's attached himself to, pleading for the door to open.

Two minutes pass and he realises nobody is home. With a sniffle he collapses to the front step and curls his head in his hands trying to breathe through the panic that has taken his lungs hostage. Spit spills from his mouth and snot blocks his nose. He cries until he can't anymore, throat dry and eyes burning. It's the worst pain he's ever felt, yet he can't stop thinking about the nothingness that hurt more.

Night falls and he doesn't move. Rain is quiet now, eyes closed and breath calm. Every swallow hurts and he's exhausted. The street lamps light up the empty roads. When the occasional car drives passed his eyes flicker up and then fall back down when they don't stop.

It's about four hours later that one finally does, turning until the headlights strike him with a blinding burst of sensation that has him hiding behind his hands. The car creaks as it slows, then squeaks when it turns off. The lights dim and the car doors click open. Rain moves without thinking, staggering over to the family as he searches for his human.

Minsik doesn't notice the visitor yet, focused on helping his son out of the back-seat. It takes a few seconds for his body to switch on, weight relying on another to stay standing. Eventually Taehyung is able to find his footing and he uses the cane to lean on instead. He's the first to look to the house, freezing any momentum of movement when he sees the muddy mess of a usually spotless person.

"Rai– Jungkook?" He stammers through a croak, limping up to the boy who looks like he's seeing a ghost; or maybe he is one. Taehyung glances to his parents to see they're staring too. Thank god. "What are you doing here?" It nearly makes him laugh when Rain opens his mouth several times with no words coming out. But something about the state of his cheeks and redness of his eyes keeps Taehyung's face solemn.

"I had a... a feeling. A worry."

"Tae, you need to lie down." Reminds his mum from his side, eyeing off the visitor as she uses a hand to guide her son to the door. "You're filthy." She comments to the boy, "Come inside and we'll get you something to change into."

It feels odd to wear something different. The fabric is softer and tighter against Rain's skin, earthy tone suiting the dirt soaked remains of his previous garments. His fingers fiddle with the cuffs of the long sleeves, toes curling into the fuzzy socks on his feet. He spends a moment staring at himself in the mirror, using a wash cloth to wipe at the tear stains on his face. Whilst he does Taehyung lays behind him, silent but watching.

"You had a feeling?" He speaks up after awhile, needing to know more about the addition of more peculiar behaviours. How did he know?

"What happened?" Rain asks again, turning to face the other with an unfamiliar concern. One that's deep and dark, rather than competitive and unserious. The pink boy's fingers fiddle with his shirt, beneath which is the heart that unsettles him deeply.

"You're weird." Mutters Taehyung with a curious challenge in his tone, eyes closing to focus on keeping himself calm. "I had a bad attack, mum found me, said I wasn't breathing. I'm fine though, she had the defib and we went to the ER straight away." There's a nonchalance in the way he explains it, a little less than his usual disinterest, but still present. "Just means they have to bring the stupid surgery up to next week." He's more annoyed than scared. Rain can't relate. There's a sinking fear in his stomach that makes him want to regurgitate his insides; the one's he'd briefly lost.

"Did your heart stop?" He asks like he already knows the answer.

"Yeah. Only for a few seconds. I'm really fine Rain, please don't worry about it. I'm just surprised your weird hunch was so accurate." He swallows and nods, eyes casting to the floor because it hurts to stare into the other's.

For once he's silent. It's uncomfortable. Even though Taehyung enjoys quiet, this feels out of place, and he can't stop looking at the boy who is spiralling. "What's wrong, Rain?"

It's not something Rain can explain. He can't tell the human about the heart in his chest that isn't truly his own. Can't share the fear of death when he shouldn't be alive to begin with. It's a secret he should keep because spirits don't exist. But standing here he can feel it all so closely that he can't believe any of that. Can't remember the times when he existed without senses: emotion but no way to show it, a voice with no throat to form it, love with no heart to hold it.

"Can I please worry about you?" Rain pleads with such a fragile voice that it breaks something inside Taehyung. He pulls himself up and opens his arms, gesturing the other closer until Rain buries himself in his arms and he can close them into an embrace.

"Of course you can. I just don't want you to. This isn't the first time this has happened and it won't be the last. Worrying is a waste of time in my eyes." With the way they're held together Rain's ear filters the sound of the other's heart. He doesn't know how to tell if it's wrong or broken, all he can hear is life. "I know it's scary but that's what you get for being friends with me." Taehyung tilts himself so he can catch the evasive eyes of his friend. "I'll be okay. So will you." It's a lie that neither believe.

Silence continues but it's less scary when they're together. Taehyung rests his head against the headboard and moves over so Rain can curl up beside him. Rain keeps his head to his human's chest, listening.

It feels wrong to be this solemn. Maybe because it makes the fears more real or maybe because it's so out of character. Either way it doesn't sit right with Taehyung so he tries to think of a way to change that. "You said you'd help me with my fear. Is that still true?" He feels a nod against his chest and smiles. "Can we start now?" Another, this time with a little more energy. To kick-start the momentum Taehyung lifts Rain up and sets him on the bed in front of him, legs folding up to give space. "What's the first step?"

"Umm..." It takes Rain a second to fully snap out of his state, biting on his lip whilst he thinks. "Brainstorming." He concludes. "We gotta convince your brain that rain is good, right?"

"Mhmm."

"Well, easier than it sounds, first step is finding things that are positive about the concept or thought. Next step would be exposure but that's too extreme for now." Slowly that chaotic energy returns, rain washing away the tensity in his body as he grabs for some paper and begins to write out a pros and cons list. "Cons are easy so we'll start there. You've mentioned a few already." So he writes those down. His handwriting is a horrorifying sight that makes Taehyung chuckle. He's not even sure it's in the right language.

"What school taught you how to write?"

"Says the drop out." Huffs Rain defensively, only realising what he said after the fact. His eyes snap up and mouth smacks shut in shock. "Sorry that was mean."

"Yet accurate." Relief floods him when he sees the human with a splitting grin and a laugh so uncontained it's hard to believe where the sound is coming from. "Continue." Urges Taehyung through a forced breath, keeping a hand to his chest to settle the rise in rhythm. Rain tries not to focus on it, flicking back to his persuasive letter to make this human love him.

Chapter Text

It's early morning when Taehyung is finally discharged from the hospital. Most of the car ride is a blur, eyelids heavy and head full of a spacey disconnect. His mum holds his arm and guides him into the house, laying him on the couch where the blackness returns and he sifts in and out of consciousness. He hears occasional noises, feels hands trying to feed him. It's hard to focus so he doesn't.

When he opens his eyes next it's dark outside and he can hear the clattering of meal preparation in the kitchen. The front door opens and closes, then he hears,

"How is he?"

"Same as usual, sleepy."

"And you?" There's silence when Minsik asks it.

"I can't..." Eunju begins with a quiet voice. It's hard to hear what she says but Taehyung can't mistake her pain in the tremble.

"That's not a decision we get to make."

"I'm tired. I'm scared. I can't keep waking up in fear that he'll be gone." There's rustling and Taehyung's head falls back to the cushion, eyelids fluttering as he tries to hold onto the tears threatening their escape. His fingers trail to the bandage around his torso, tracing the area that they tore into this time.

It's an argument they have constantly. Taehyung's too tired to care anymore. He's had the fight too, asking when they'll finally give up. They refuse to ever consider it. They'll sell their house and possessions before they ever turn down a treatment option. It's something that heals and breaks him all at once.

He must fall asleep again because Minsik nudges him awake with a bowl of soup in hand.

"Hey little tiger." With a gentle tap to his son's nose he scooches closer and blows on the spoonful of warmth before reaching out to offer it up.

"Not hungry," Mumbles Taehyung through a slur, heaviness weighing his tongue down.

"Once you eat we can give you your night meds and you can sleep here." It takes a disgruntled minute of refusal before Taehyung sloppily eats a few spoonfuls, followed with the onslaught of pills he can effortlessly swallow in one handful. "I'll come check on you later, okay? If you wake up in pain just call out and I'll be right here." Minsik gets to his feet just as he hears his son whisper,

"I love you." He smiles, holding back his emotions when he returns the sentiment.

This time when the front door opens Taehyung gets to greet the person on the otherside. Smiles have become familiar and they don't hurt as much.

"We should go to the park!" Greets Rain without a second to waste, bustling inside with arms clutching a box of some kind.

"I have to stay home." Murmurs Taehyung as he tries to get a glimpse at the label. If it's another boardgame he might just lose it. "What do you have?" He gestures to the possessive hold on the box and tries to reach for it. Rain tugs it away before he can see and pokes his tongue out, shaking his head and giggling mischievously.

"Nope! It's a surprise. Why can't you go outside?" Hums the boy as he wanders into the kitchen and begins to search for food like he lives there. It's something Taehyung has seen in movies but never truly witnessed. The comfortable nonchalance of a friend who knows you well. When Rain begins picking at the bottles on the fridge door he snorts. "What? This looks yummy!" He waves around a bottle of vibrant red liquid.

"Well be my guest, take a sip." Insists Taehyung, biting his lip whilst he watches Rain put his mouth to the lip of the bottle, immediately pulling a sour face and shoving the substance away. There's a tint of redness on his lips that he instinctively licks off. What follows is a gag so dramatic Taehyung worries he might actually vomit. Instead Rain rushes to the sink and starts cupping water into his mouth, whole head shaking in protest.

"You're so mean!" He squeals through gasps, unable to open his eyes still as he cringes into the lasting burn inside his mouth.

"I did nothing." Taehyung holds a hand up like he's completely absolved of all his crimes, clinging to the amusement that makes his chest an odd kind of tight. "Drink some milk, it'll help."

"I'm not drinking anything else!" Rain hisses, still wiping at his tongue and bouncing with adrenaline around the kitchen. Whilst he does so Taehyung gets a chance to reach for the box, flipping it open to reveal a care package of some kind. It includes a funny looking punnet of strawberries, some hand-picked wild flowers, and a plastic container full of beads. "Where'd you find all this?"

"Noooo! That was a surprise! Why are you being extra mean today?" Pouts Rain as he snatches the box back and begins to sulkily pull each item out. "I wanted to make friendship bracelets but now I think I don't–"

"Aww Rain don't sulk, we can!" It takes several minutes of melodramatic pleading for the pink haired boy to give in, his act solid and persistent. It takes Taehyung pulling him into a hug and whispering a dozen sorries before he hears Rain giggling softly and giving in.

With washed strawberries and flowers in a cup of water, the two of them sit on the couch and focus on tying knots into the elastic string provided in the bracelet kit. The motor skills are tricky for Taehyung with how foggy his mind is but he has another pair of hands holding his steady.

The design he picks out for Rain uses sparkly pink beads and pearls along with cloud and strawberry charms. There's silence whilst they both focus, back to back to hide their creations. Half an hour goes by of no words yet it doesn't feel awkward. When he feels satisfied with his creation Taehyung reaches back to tap the other's elbow, head tilting to rest across his shoulder.

"Uh uh! I'm not finished!" Rain complains and shoves to move him. It sends a slight jolt of pain through Taehyung's chest that makes him grunt, startling the other around to see what had happened. When he sees the human holding his chest his face pales. "Oh no what did I do? I'm sorry!" In contrast to the worry, Taehyung laughs.

"Don't worry, just sore. I'm on a shit ton of pain meds so it's nothing."

"Oh? What did they do?"

"Put wires around my heart that check it's working properly. There's a little machine right here," he points to the left of his ribcage, "It corrects anything funky that goes on."

"Woahhh so you have a robot heart?"

"Not quite." Musters Taehyung through a chuckle, mesmerised by the boy's excitable wonder. Without asking Rain reaches out to touch the area, fingers careful as they brush over the bandage beneath his shirt.

"I can't feel anything?"

"Cause it's under my skin." The boy gasps a silent 'wow', attention completely held by the information. So much so that he forgets about hiding his creation. It takes tactical effort for Taehyung to not look over to where the bracelet is laying discarded, not wanting to ruin yet another surprise. Instead he uses his free hand, that isn't clutching his own surprise, to bring Rain's eyes back up to his. "You ready to share?" When he realises, Rain ducks away and reappears with a bracelet held out proudly. It's a green and brown colour scheme with 'TAE' spelt in the centre. It has an earthy theme with charms of trees and flowers. It's perfect.

"My earth friend." Explains Rain with a grin, gesturing for the other's wrist to slip it onto. There's a strange intimacy to it that makes Taehyung's cheeks flush but he doesn't say anything aloud. "Now, your turn!" Shaking off the feeling he reveals his own finished piece.

"Well the colour is self explanatory. The cloud cause you are good at cloud watching, and strawberry because I've never seen someone so excited to eat a fruit." He returns the sentiment and slips the bracelet on, Rain immediately bringing it closer to inspect with a toothy grin, eyes wider than they've ever been. "You like it?"

"I love love LOVE it!!!" Coos Rain, hugging his wrist to his chest. "My special bracelet from my special friend."

"That's cheesy even for you."

"I can be as cheesy as I want. Don't you like cheese?"

"Love it."

"See?!" Rain shouts victoriously, like the back and forth is some competitive tournament. Everything has its adventure when he's around. "Now we need to make more friends and make more bracelets." Something he says strikes a nerve because he watches the joy drain from Taehyung's face. It sinks somewhere out of sight, body caving into the soft cushions beneath him. "What? Can't we find more friends?"

"I don't do friends." Retorts Taehyung sharply, a hypocritical thing to say whilst he fiddles with the cold beads against his skin. The adamance is deeply rooted in insecurity, a driving force that has seen him shunned.

"Yes you do. We just said."

"That's different."

"How?"

"I – Because... It just is." He's grasping at reasons that don't exist, trying to solidify his arguments that have won every other fight against wannabe connections. "If I tell people I'm going to die they freak out."

"Everybody dies, why does the time matter?"

"Because it does!" He doesn't mean to yell. It fills him with dread when he sees the pink boy flinch and tuck himself away. "Not everyone is like you. Kids our age are meant to live life, not watch it end. I can't last a week without ending up in the ER, why would someone want to be friends with me?"

"Being friends isn't a contest." Argues Rain timidly, still nervous from the unsettling temper that had suddenly appeared. "You don't have to prove yourself for that. Aren't you an adult now? Can't you have people visit? Or meet outside? We do that."

"And it's a risk I shouldn't be taking. I should be avoiding you but because you are you I can't resist." As he stares into the human's eyes, Rain realises how deeply afraid he is. All of this is fragile. Every attempt to push away and shut things down are safety precautions. All the human can see is the loss connection will bring. Taehyung has convinced himself that's all that matters.

"Well I want to be here. That's my choice."

"Until I'm gone." Now Taehyung is quiet. His voice barely travels and his whole body curves inward. "I had this surgery because I'm getting worse, Rain. Being my friend won't change that."

"And it doesn't have to." Despite hesitancy pulsing through his nerves, Rain reaches out and tugs on the hand that wears their friendship, clasping their palms together so the beads clatter against one another. There's comfort in the pain that sits inside Rain. This friendship will be forever because Taehyung's end is his end.

Chapter Text

They brace themselves for the rain they know will soon come. Except it's not in a wardrobe or hidden under a blanket. Instead, they sit by the window with the curtains drawn back to witness the dreary overcast day. At the very front sits Rain with his arms wrapped around Taehyung, who is curled up a little further away from the glass. His body trembles but he doesn't try to hide. Today, they are going to try something new. Laid out on the floor are different items that all have a different sound when hit together. Pens, spoons, rocks, and a jar of rice. It feels ridiculous to pretend this will work, but Taehyung promised he would try.

Although he feels every breath like a manual manoeuvre, he tries to focus on the warmth of the boy holding him steady and keeping him grounded.

"Find a song and we'll follow the beat." Suggests Rain as he grabs for the pens and pokes at Taehyung's bicep with it. When the human doesn't move, he takes the phone. "Calm song?" Taehyung's nod is timid, head caving into his knees when the light outside shifts darker. "How do I get the music?"

"Here." He grabs for the device and unlocks it, fumbling to get to the music app before shoving it back to the other. "You pick."

"I don't know music."

"Just pick!" Rain can feel the tensity of muscles that are ready to bolt, conceding and searching up 'calm songs'. A song called 'My Love Mine All Mine' comes up that he picks, a gentle base and snare coming through the speakers that fill the room. Before the storm arrives, Rain takes the pens and taps them together in time with the kick, rhythmically matching the sounds of the song as he hums to the melody.

"This good?" He feels a nod against his torso. When he looks out the window, there's the beginnings of droplets hitting the glass, light enough to not make a sound just yet. "You grab something, the rocks." He guides the other's hands over and helps him hold them. It's clear he's starting to shut down. "Hey, Tae, you with me?" The impact of rain hits the deck of the balcony and Taehyung flinches, attempting to jolt toward where he would usually hide.

"I can't. I can't. I can't." Taehyung pleads to be let go but Rain doesn't give in. He's held in place and warm hands pull his face so they're mirroring each other. The song plays on a loop between them, piano complementing the gentle tapping of pens.

"Focus on the music." Taehyung keeps shaking his head but he can't escape the firm and reassuring stare of Rain. Fingers twirl in his hair, lips mouth the words as they grow more familiar, beat tapping against his temple. The rain picks up but Rain doesn't give up. "I'll keep you safe. Think about the rainbow we might get to see. Your roses are gonna be so happy because the sun will come out soon." He pulls their foreheads together to solidify a shared gaze, hands dropping to pick up the makeshift instruments. "Together?"

"I–"

"You can." Rain whispers so that the song remains the focus, tapping his pen to the rock that Taehyung clenches in his fist. It's not a light rainfall like they were expecting but neither is it heavy. It's the kind of storm that will leave puddles on the roads and have wind wipers on double speed. "C'mon." It must take a lot of effort because Taehyung is holding back tears, but he manages to begin tapping the rocks together in time. His face scrunches up but his eyes don't close, held by Rain's bravery. "Mine oh mine oh mine..." Whispers the pink boy in a melodic match to the women's voice. He smiles and scrunches his nose up when Taehyung flushes.

"This is stupid." He mumbles through the tense fear in his throat. Tears cling to his lashes but stay put, leaving his vision clear to watch Rain smile as he gets familiar with the lyrics and begins to sing them all. Whilst he does he makes sure Taehyung keeps the beat, guiding his hands back when they deviate.

"Nothing in the world belongs to me but mine oh mine~" Something beautiful happens that stuns Rain into forgetting the next line; Taehyung laughs. It's a sound full of embarrassment but it's bright and it's present. Even if his body still shakes, he keeps to time with the rocks.

As the song comes to the end of its fourth loop, a quietness falls over the lull between music. No longer does the sound of rain sit in the background. Everything has a jarring silence that brings Taehyung away from the activity to look outside where he sees the clouds rolling passed. "Just like that, the storm has gone." Rain cups Taehyung's hands together to feel their settling shake. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know..." He murmurs like he's in a daze, fixated on the water droplets that still trickle down his window in a figurative race to the bottom. "It's over?"

"Gone with the wind."

"Already?"

"It's been ten minutes." The observation seems to surprise Taehyung, eyebrows furrowing as he pulls his hands away and grabs for his phone to check the time. He instinctively goes to check the news app but finds a hand lands on his wrist. "Can we try to go outside?" He shakes his head and pulls away.

"No. I'll slip."

"I'll hold you." He continues to refuse but concedes and locks his phone for now, leaving the aftermath of the storm a mystery.

"No. It's too much." Rain nods and smiles.

"I understand." Instead of pushing further he pulls the other in, chin resting against his shoulder so he can watch the rain fade away outside. This close he can hear every settling breath, can smell the sweet cologne the human wears and can feel his heart against his chest. It takes a new kind of control to keep his focus on the world outside when all his brain wants is to devote itself to the person in his arms. "You did it, Tae."

"I think I sweat through my shirt."

"Still did it." That heart inside his own chest begins to drum persistently against his ribcage. It floods his ears with a pulse so loud he begins to lose touch with the world around him. "Do you know what love is?" His voice drifts in a haze, he grabs at the arm close to him and pulls them closer. It gets harder for him to breathe when he realises what he's said aloud.

"What?" Taehyung's honey voice pulls him back into the room. Eyes blinking away the fog to see a face so close to his. He stares into the warm but dark brown eyes and can't say a word. "Earth to Rain, are you cooked?" Taehyung playfully slaps his cheek, laughing at the vacant expression that splits into shock.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"You're being weird."

"I– what? How am I being weird?!" Each word comes out in a bluster. Rain pulls away from the intimacy and covers his face with his palms to hide the spreading shade of pink across his cheeks. "I just... I just mean... yaknow... 'cause the song." Even his ears begin to burn when he hears the honey voice continue to laugh.

"You're adorable. Of course I know what love is. I've read about it, watched it, heard it... never felt it. Not for anyone except obviously my parents. But that's  not what you're asking." His words finished with a pointed tone. Lip holding onto the final laugh that might just bury the boy six feet under. "Why are you asking?" He continues when Rain keeps  quiet. Instead of answering he shakes his head and curls up smaller.

The silence leaves room for Taehyung to settle into his own body. There he feels the warmth throughout. A serenity in his mind that hides the pounding sound he often feels after a storm.

Do I know what love is?

It's dark as Taehyung lays in bed, fiddling with the beads around his wrist. Every twist focuses on the indents that spell out his name. He stares out at the smog filled sky, wondering where the creator is. They've never spoken about life outside of their little world. Rain seems intent on avoiding such topics, and Tae has nothing new to share. Maybe it's selfish when he gets angry that Rain doesn't visit every day. Instead of filling his time streaming or painting, he spends it checking his window for the elusive rose. When he doesn't see him, he feels a tightness in his chest that is different from the norm. This one makes his lips pull tight and his eyes squeeze shut.

It's supposed to rain again today and he hasn't seen Rain for two days. They watched a movie together and Taehyung vowed to never do so again, unable to contain his irritation that Rain spoke through the entire thing. Asking his curious questions and making blunt comments about the character's flaws.

The sun should be arriving soon. With it he hopes Rain will come.

Every bone in his body fights for control. Some want to hide and others want to wait. So he sits frozen on his bed, staring into the morning light. He doesn't want to hide. He wants to be brave. But Rain isn't here, so how can he be? On their list of things, very few of them are done alone. Dancing, drawing, making music... they are all things he wants to do with Rain.

It's meant to rain at noon. To compromise with his fighting sides, he blasts his headphones and wraps a blanket around his shoulders, forcing himself to stare into the outside world.

Tree branches will break... Your garden needs it. Lightning could hit... It's not heavy rain this time. Mum will be driving, she'll crash... Dad will make her a hot drink and wait for her. Rain won't come... He'll be here.

Now he closes his eyes and tries to focus on his breathing, keeping the focus away from the heaviness in his chest. Just as he's settling into something meditative, he hears a faint knock over his music, jolting his attention back to the window where pink fills his vision and cheeks all at once. He's tearing himself from the mattress and shoving the door open to pull the boy into a hug.

"You came!"

"Well, we have a dance to attend." Replies Rain as he squeezes his human like a millennia has passed since their last meeting. Neither want to pull away, but Taehyung realises he's standing outside. When he begins to step back, Rain holds his arm and keeps them in place. "Please. Try?"

"It's too soon." Instead of finding a song, Rain starts to hum, keeping one hand connected to the other before twirling himself around and ending with a bow.

"One dance. Indulge me?" He's irresistible and it's maddening. The clouds aren't dark enough to scare Taehyung yet. So he steps out into the chilly air. It doesn't feel so cold when Rain wraps an arm around his waist and another over his shoulder. He picks a classic waltz with zero technique. All of his focus on spinning and swaying to the melody in his head. It's mostly led by the boy whilst Taehyung is pulled along willingly.

It's enchanting when Rain giggles into the silly movements, aware of how ridiculous this all must look. The tightening of his grip comes out of nowhere and is immediately followed with something splashing across Taehyung's cheek. Every movement stops and his feet nearly trip over each other. "Keep dancing."

"No."

"One more minute?" Another drop lands on his hair with a subtle coldness seeping through to his scalp. Taehyung squeezes the arms around him tight. It's dizzying to stay focused on the swaying of their bodies when all he can hear is the clatter of rain against brick. He must begin hyperventilating because Rain pulls their foreheads together again, narrowing the focus to just them. "You are doing great. Hum with me." The melody simplifies to something that is easier for Taehyung to follow. He feels the vibrations against his lip. Can feel breaths pull sharp through his nose. He tries to focus on the eyes staring into his but every drop against his skin is like a knife. When they begin to hit in multitudes is when he loses all sense of calm.

With a sob he tears himself away and retreats inside, staggering to the wardrobe where he hides himself away. Leaving Rain stunned as he welcomes the coolness of droplets against his skin. A few minutes go by and he doesn't know what to do. Carefully he approaches the door and pulls at the latch, revealing the frightened human inside. There's barely enough room on the floor but Rain manages to squeeze himself inside so he can pull the door shut and they are drowned in darkness.

In here their breaths are loud. Taehyung's  sniffs and cries take centre stage and Rain sits in it for a moment to think about what to do next. He reaches across in the void and finds a hand, bringing them back together.

"Every time you try, it will get easier. Let the rain go for now. We'll try again another day."

"'m sorry." Mumbles Taehyung through tight lips. "I thought I could do it..."

"You will." Rain tells him with so much certainty that Taehyung feels bewitched into believing it too. I will.

Chapter Text

"You lost me after the fourth step. Why not just eat it all now?" Queries Rain as he picks at the cut up vegetables on the chopping board, experiencing every new flavour like it's a core memory. His favourite is the sharp bite of the onion that seems to offend the human deeply.

"You're insane." Scoffs Taehyung with an exasperated shake of his head. His focus remains on the pan that sizzles in front of him, eyes watching for the amber colour that indicates when to add the meat. "It's split into steps so you can get the most out of each ingredient. That onion you ate becomes really sweet when it's cooked for long enough."

"How do you know this?"

"Mum taught me." He gives one last mix to the dish before stepping away to pick up the chopped pork. "C'mere. I'm gonna put this in and you're gonna stir." Rain hops up and approaches curiously. He reaches for the spoon beside the pan and holds it ready for when the pork hits the heat. It erupts with an explosive sizzle that surprises Rain so much he nearly drops the utensil. Taehyung's hand is there to catch him, bringing them back up. "Now, the pork is going to sear quickly so you need to keep stirring it." He guides the pink boy through the motion, showing him where spots are getting too hot or not hot enough. There's this innocently awestruck grin on Rain's face the whole time. Eyes darting from food to smoke to his movements.

"I wanna eat it now!"

"It has to finish cooking. I'm going to finish up the sauce. Are you alright to do this?" He nods and gives a thumbs up. At the bench Taehyung mixes a few different  sauces together, biting back a chuckle when he grabs for the siracha Rain had tasted.

"I don't paint people, I'm as clueless as you are." Retorts Taehyung as he taps on his canvas with a pencil. "It doesn't have to be realistic. Just... how you see me." Despite his reasoning, Rain continues to pout. Music serenades their space, keeping the pauses of conversation warm. It's hard to decide what parts of the boy to capture. He preps his palette with pinks and whites before sketching out a person smiling. It's amateurish and sloppy but Taehyung tries not to critique it.

He paints a sky of blue behind the pink waves of hair he styles like an imitation of the clouds floating by. That infectious smile fills the portrait with light, white highlights and stars speckled across the surface. An hour goes by in quietude. Only disrupted when Rain perks up,

"I did it!" There's sing song in his voice that's sweeter than any song. It startles Taehyung from his own narrowed focus, gaze darting up to see the boy holding his painting ready to share.

"Almost done." The last thing Taehyung  adds is little white dots in the boy's eyes, a must for any depiction of the unique beauty in front of him. "Okay, let's swap." They exchange paintings and on the count of three flip them over. Taehyung feels something expand in his chest when he sees the silly depiction of him, unskilled yet passionate. He's in a garden, roses painted in blobs around him. The him in the painting has a smile that feels too big, but then Taehyung touches his cheek and realises it isn't. 

"Hah, I look like cotton candy." Giggles Rain in his peripheral, face zoomed into the canvas to look at every detail.

"I look... happy." Murmurs Taehyung softly, unable to tear his eyes away from the immortalised expression.

"Peekaboo!" Someone startles Taehyung down one too many steps, whole body rearing backwards to keep himself upright. The clinic door slams shut behind him, adding a second layer of shock that has him toppling to the ground. Seconds later a grinning face appears above him, hand held out with a bouquet of pink carnations grasped tight.

"Christ, Rain, you nearly sent me back in there!" A click of the door brings his mum from the building, her footsteps stopping just behind the two.

"Jungkook? How nice to see you. Do you have an appointment today too?"

"Huh? No."

"Didn't you two meet here?" Rain stares blankly, mouth open to deny and correct, however, Taehyung hastily interjects by taking the flowers and spinning around  with a nod.

"Yep. We just... sometimes meet here. Dad didn't tell you?"

"Oh... we're lying." Whispers Rain beneath his breath, head shaking to pull out some fake emotions.  "Yes. I um... brought flowers... cause... I..."

"They match his hair! And we have started collecting pink things."

"Oh. Right." Eunju looks more confused than ever, a furrow of uncertainty in her expression as she studies the two. She inspects the flowers with a silent question that doesn't make it out her mouth. Friend? Or...

"Mum, can I meet you at the car?" She nods and parts ways, leaving the two to stand in an awkward silence for a minute. "Why are you here?" Eventually  Taehyung  has to ask. They don't hang out anywhere else.

"I wanted to make sure you are okay." Admits Rain quietly, fiddling with his sleeves.

"I'm fine. It was a check up, that's all." Taehyung pulls out one of the carnations  and snaps the stem so he can slot it behind Rain's ear and bring his chin back up. "Did you wanna come home with me? We can listen to music or I can show you my favourite game." The boy's eyes light up with stars and he nods eagerly, fingers keeping the flower in place.

"Let's go somewhere new. Somewhere far away, just me and you." Hums Rain melodically as he taps on a book to keep the beat. One hand keeps the time and the other keeps the two of them dry with an umbrella. Close to his side sits Taehyung, head caved into his knees but hands settled around the other's waist. "We'll take a train up into out of space, and be among the stars away from human race..." The sound of rain hitting the plastic shield above isn't as terrifying, a light drizzle safe enough to sit in. "We'll  be alone... Happy living far, you can be my only star and we can breathe." Rain enunciates the final word with a deep exhale, tapping his human to do the same. A verse of the song goes by and Rain lets the world around them sing. It's not cold but Taehyung still shivers. He's being brave. Rain is proud.

The song comes to its end and he hugs the human tighter, whispering how proud he is. With a gentle hand he pulls them both up and shakes off the umbrella so they can come back inside. Taehyung collapses on his bed and sighs, eyes still squeezed shut. "We did it!" Cheers Rain, flopping beside the boy and tousling his hair which elicits a groan.

"Rain is overrated."

"Hey! Mean!"

"Not you. The stupid weather." Still he huffs, pinching at the place behind Taehyung's ear before rolling away to take cover. The human goes to retaliate but is left stuck on his back when a sharp punch of pain hits his chest. It comes with a quiet fuck, followed by bringing his hand to his chest where he can feel the rhythm normalising.

"What was that?"

"My robot heart." Chuckles Taehyung shallowly, like all the air was punched from his lungs. "I just need a minute." Rain nods and sits patiently, watching the human rub his chest and try to level his breathing. "I can feel you staring."

"You just look like you're in pain." He shakes his head.

"It's fine now. Better this than losing consciousness." He goes to sit up by himself only to find hands holding him steady, pulling them together. "Why do you get so offended when I say I hate rain?" He switches back to the topic as if nothing happened, inspecting his peculiar friend.

"Cause I... Well..." Taehyung watches him stammer like he had at the clinic, confused by the contrast in character.

"Why do you care so much about helping me?" He reiterates in a different way, hoping he can get an answer that doesn't  get diverted into a game or joke. Rain's cheeks puff out as his eyes cast down.

"Cause I want you to be happy." He whispers meekly, an unfinished story.

"Is that why you stalked me?"

"I didn't stalk you!" The fire briefly returns.

"Then why show up like you did? You've  never told me." Now the silence is heavy. Long enough to indicate a story. "Tell me, Rain."

"No. I just liked you. I wanted a friend."

"So go to a club or some shit, don't show up at my window. Why do you always evade my questions?"

"Because the answers are confusing!" Rain shrieks in a tizzy of panic. Without another word he scrambles from the bed and attempts to flee. He fumbles with the glass door and yanks it open, ready to jump off the balcony and into the grass below. Not even one foot leaves the floor before an arm latches onto his and pulls him back. Rain squeaks and shakes his head as he's pulled into the interrogation. He refuses to open his eyes because if he does he knows Taehyung's gaze will break him.

"Don't run away." It's not a command but it is a plea. "I want to know you, Rain. I don't care if your reasons are weird, I just want to know." Arms cradle him in the doorway, simultaneously keeping him stuck and grounded. Swirls of panic still dance around inside of Rain in all the ways fear does.

"I'm not human." He blurts out before he can rephrase it to be easier to digest. Nails dig into his waist then release. His eyes flutter open and he sees the scrunched up confusion on Taehyung's face as he tries to think of just one question that could sum up his thoughts.

"What the fuck?" Is what he decides on, releasing his hold on the boy and stepping back. "Are you fucking around?"

"No. Tae I'm being serious. Yes I'm in a human body, but I'm a spirit. A... a rain spirit." The human's next reaction is even more disorienting. Taehyung laughs so brashly that it sounds like a bark, whole face scrunching up as he scoffs.

"You can't take a single thing seriously,  can you?"

"Tae, please just listen. I'm not trying to make you laugh and I don't like to lie. It's  just... I know what I'm saying sounds fake but it's not. I've existed for thousands of years and when I say I travel I mean it. I've been everywhere. I embody rain, I give it life, I ... I can influence it."

"You can control the weather? That's rich, even from you. Forget I even asked." His tone flips from disbelief to irritated dismissal, attempting to shove the other away only to be stuck in place by a desperate grip on his wrist.

"Listen to me. Please?" There's genuine tears in Rain's eyes that only enhance the storm within his iris. Like his pupils are swirling within a grey darkness. It's  captivating and Taehyung hates that it makes him yield. "Spirits are everywhere. They aren't really physical beings, they just exist. Our role is to keep life in the world's essence. And I know you're going to ask why you can see me but that's  where my decision comes in. Spirits can be human ... if they find someone to attach to." His words trail off and he can't bear to look at the other's expression. He doesn't need to say the rest out loud. It's clear in the human's silence that he's connected the dots.

"You attached yourself to me?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Rain takes a second to breathe, looking out upon the clouds that are rumbling closer; laughing at him. If he lets himself feel the swell of emotions the rain will come. But he doesn't want to scare Taehyung. "Why? What does that mean? What happens to you?" Every question feels like an additional weight in his stomach. His legs are liquifying beneath him and his eyes are stinging so bad. He feels the first cry catch in his throat, lips holding it inside when each tear begins to fall. As they do, so does the rain.

When it begins to pour Taehyung is quick to drag them inside, jaw tightening and chest seizing at the unexpected shower. "Make it stop, Rain."

"I can't." Rain croaks, wiping at his tears and sniffling with each new wave as he tries to make the feelings go away. "I can't." He repeats like an apology, melting to the floor where he curls up and begins to sob. "I can't. I can't!" Taehyung doesn't  hesitate to drop by his side and hug him tight.

"Hey, Rain, don't. Just try to breathe."

"I ca–" He's cut off by a new sensation that short-circuits everything. Warmth envelopes each cry until they're gone, lips pressed to something just as warm and soft. A nose rests against his cheek and his eyes blow wide when he realises  what's happening. Taehyung's lips take every bit of his sorrow and vanquish it. He's too stunned to do anything but stare cross eyed into the kiss that tastes salty and feels stiff. A second later Taehyung pulls back and slaps a palm to his mouth.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles through the barrier, clearly startled by his own action. "I just... panicked." If Rain wasn't breathing properly before he definitely isn't now. Every thought freezes and he's left staring blankly with tears still streaming down his face. "Shit..." Taehyung turns away and wipes at his face, trying to process everything. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I don't know why I did that." When he peeks back the pink... creature is still paralysed. "Rain?" He doesn't even blink, eyes like glass. "Rain!" The desperate yell to kicks some sense back in, Rain flinching and shuddering into a ball. "Please talk."

"You don't believe me... You think I'm a liar." His voice is so fragile and afraid, Taehyung hates that he caused it. "I'm not... not upset that you– ki– did that. I just..." He touches his lips and squeezes his eyes shut when he begins to cry again. "I'm not lying, Tae."

"I can see that." There's a blossoming acceptance in Taehyung's whisper. When he stares at the pink spirit now it feels obvious. Nothing about the way he engages with the world is human. He's  too kind all the time, too perfect. "Where do you go?"

"Huh?" It comes out in a quiet squeak.

"When you're not with me, do you still exist? My parents can see you."

"Yeah, I exist like anyone does. I just wander. I don't really have a purpose outside of being with you."

"Rain that's sad. Why did you choose this? What happens to your spirit now that you're human?" It's the one question he can't get an answer to it seems. Every time he tries Rain turns away and goes quiet. He looks afraid. Why would an immortal spirit be afraid? Every possible scenario reels in Taehyung's mind whilst he tries to make sense of it all, not even realising it's been raining the whole time. He doesn't know why he accepts it so easily. A part of him can't fathom the possibility that Rain is a liar, the other part wants to believe in something bigger.

In his world that's so finite, Taehyung dreams of infinity.

In his world that was infinite, Rain dreamt of an end.

Chapter Text

It's not that Rain is any different now. He's every bit as childish and inquistive, showing up with new activities for them to try everyday. Except he is different in Taehyung's mind. When the boy greets him at the door he can't tear his gaze from the storm in his irises. All he can see is the omniscient creature within; the one that eats onions like fruit and uses a phone like a senior. He's a contradiction of everything human. Yet he feels human when he hugs, when he laughs, and when he cries.

The minute Rain had left that day he began to spiral into the insurmountable questions filling his head. In a panic he wrote every single one down, hoping one day he can get all the answers.

Rain knows things have shifted. That day as he leaves he smacks his head and grumbles to himself for the reckless decision to unleash it all so early. This wasn't meant to happen. Taehyung was never meant to know. Why couldn't I just lie?

That night he lays in a field and watches the stars, asking them for their thoughts on what he should do. The dew surrounds him with comfort, reminding him that there's still a story to finish.

Now the two of them sit in an uncomfortable silence. The sun beams down upon them like a tease, skin warm but separate. If Taehyung knew what to say he would say it. Every glance is filled with yearning, a simultaneous wish for things to be simple again but also for this new discovery to flourish into something magical.

"What's the first memory you can still remember?" Of the many questions he has, that one feels the easiest. It's brings a positive light to the strange new path.

"The very first?" Rain sounds unsure, fingers fiddling with the grass as he tries to go that far back. "The seeds. I don't know when or what kind. I just remember this gravitating pull that told me to care for them. I didn't even know what that meant, I just knew I needed to keep them safe." He glances around the garden until he spots an matured oak tree. It must be a century old atleast, sprung from the tiniest of beginnings. "Something so grand can come from something so miniscule. I always remember the time they were small." He speaks like a nurturing parent, proudly gazing upon the world he has given life to. "My memories aren't the same as the ones I have now. They're more like impressions of purpose than sortable moments."

"It sounds kind of beautiful. Strange... but beautiful." Rain giggles and nods.

"Yeah I guess." He wants to find a way to liven the place they've found themselves in but he doesn't know how. There's only so many things they can explore in this confined space. A size of land so diminutive that it couldn't be written concisely in a percentage. "Would you ever travel?"

"You know the answer to that." Responds Taehyung with an amused lilt of attitude. He leans back into the grass and stares at the clear sky. Somewhere far away the moon is waiting. "I can't."

"You can, you're just scared."

"For a completely valid reason." He huffs at the blunt observation. "I've never even considered it."

"Well maybe you should." How can a spirit be so good at being human? Annoying and persistent. "If you die next week from a heart attack or a cold, what would you prefer, to have seen the seaside or to have stayed safe inside?" The bastard has a point. Precautions have always been at the top of his priorities. Sustaining life for as long as he could to avoid causing other's pain. "Tell me one exciting thing you've done in your entire life." Challenges Rain when he's silent for longer than expected. That uncertain quiet continues when he can't think of anything.

Every birthday his parents throw him a party, lavishing him with gifts and words of affection. They cook his favourite meal, sing his favourite songs and watch his favourite movies. It's important and it's special but it's not exciting.

"I don't know." He's never even dreamt about what he would do if he could do anything. The smell of freshly mowed grass gushes by in the breeze. "Is that why you chose me?" Am I that pathetic? Is what he wants to ask. "Literal millenias pass and you take pity on me?"

"I told you it wasn't pity." Snaps Rain with an edge in his voice that sounds like hurt. When Taehyung lifts his head to focus on the spirit he's frowning.

"Then why?"

"You confused me. I've seen humans who have suffered so terribly and I've been powerless to help them because I have no control over the things other humans do to eachother. With you, it wasn't the world or other humans that were hurting you, it was your own brain... and I now know your own heart."

"I'm a real joy to be around." Quips Taehyung with a chuckle, shuffling himself across the grass until he can lay closer to the other. Where he lands allows him to look up into the tense face of his spirit friend.

"I've proven that new things don't always lead to bad things. Can't you atleast consider going somwhere with me? A beach? Your parents could come, we could stay in a little shack and eat yummy food. Even if you stayed inside and just got to watch the ocean." Vacations aren't a thing in their family. When the two aren't working they're caring for their son full time. The idea of letting go is a luxury.

"I'll think about it. But don't expect a yes." Rain's cheeks squish up into a smile like a brighter version of the sun he eclipses from Taehyung's perspective. Seeing his smile does the same twist to his heart it did before. Human or not, Rain is the kindest presence he's ever shared.

Every time Rain shows up over the next few days it's with an impatient giddiniess to hear the verdict. Every time he's miffed to discover Taehyung hasn't made up his mind. Instead of talking about big things they take a day to bake cookies and decorate them with icing. After the first three focused creations, Rain delves into chaos and begins splattering colour across them just so he can shove it in his mouth a second later. Taehyung is far more meticulous, attempting to create record vinyls and faces on the circles. One face has round grey eyes and a blush of pink. Rain watches from over his shoulder, cheeks caked in crusty rainbow icing.

"Is that me?" He coos as it's placed to the side, going to grab it only to be slapped playfully away by the other.

"And if it is?" Hums Taehyung ambiguously.

"If I eat it does it count as cannibalism?" He chuckles and shakes his head at the ridiculous theory.

"You're unreal."

"Why did you do it?" Asks Rain into the blanket fortress they've bunkered down in to brace the storm that is forecasted. Despite knowing it will make his anxiety worse, Taehyung can't help checking his phone. Distracted by the vibrant orange radar he doesn't hear the question. "Tae?"

"Hmm?" Delicate confusion rests in the spirit's eyes, reflecting every light in the space.

"Why did you kiss me?" Oh... Now that's a question he has avoided; even within his own mind. If it pops up he will search for any distraction to evade facing the truth. Why did he? It isn't something he had really been thinking about prior to that moment. The way he viewed Rain was in admiration not adoration. Maybe the two are so similar that he got confused

"I–" he goes to answer with his typical vagueness of indecision but he stops himself. If he wants Rain to be honest, how can he not reciprocate that? "I panicked. They do it in movies, when someone is really emotional people kiss them to break them out of it. My mind just went there." Did he regret it? Not at all. But it definitely shifted something.

"Did you mean it?" Of course he did. Is that the answer Rain is searching for? Or does he want this to stop? Do spirits attract humans? Is this even real? His mind could take him to a million places but he won't let it. Not tonight. Too embarrassed to put it into words, he simply nods.

Rain doesn't say anything more. Instead he leans across and leaves a gentle and careful peck to his human's cheek. Something small and easy to reciprocate the sentiment.

"Dad, have you ever been to the beach?" Minsik looks up from his computer to find his son standing at his door, weight resting against his cane that has carried him through two hellish days of tachycardic fatigue. They'd been bringing meals to his room because standing up had been a challenge. Now he looked a little brighter, adventurous even.

"A long time ago, how come?"

"Could we go?" He asks it quietly, bracing for the worry to come.

"You'd like to travel there? It's a few hours away." The answer isn't an immediate no. Taehyung's eyes light up.

"Yes. Do you think it'd be safe?"

"We can call the local hospital and set up a plan, I'm sure your mother could find a place that is easy to access. Let me speak with her and we'll sort it out." Everything is practical and future thinking. It's a yes. "Did you want to invite Jungkook?"

"Well... it was his idea." Minsik beams with a pride that's hard to express. All he can do is gesture the boy closer and take his hand.

"I know, Tae. I saw you the other day on the balcony with him. You've got someone special there, don't let that go."

Chapter Text

The car ride is tense. Not because they aren't excited but because they are terrified. The car boot is packed to the brim with medications and machines for the worst case scenarios, booklets of numbers to call printed five times. Taehyung rests his head against the window as he absently twists the medical bracelet on his wrist. It's overkill, even he can admit that.

Regardless of the fears, they are going. Rain is buckled up beside him jamming to music that plays through the headphones he was gifted. His parents sit in the front, discussing safety plans and itineraries. All this for something exciting. It feels like too much work, until he sees the ocean for the first time.

As they drive down the hills and look out upon the coast, glistening water flickers far in the distance. The sun bounces off in fractals, boats look like ants, waves make it dance. His eyes widen and he jams a finger to the window control so that salty breeze hits him. It's warm and it's fresh. It's a smell he's never experienced but read about a thousand times. It leaves a taste in his mouth that isn't pleasant but doesn't bother him.

It's magical and it's right in front of him for real this time.

Sand isn't his favourite thing. It drags his cane down and makes each step feel ten times harder. Shells, however, are his favourite. They make their way to the coastal house that sits at the very edge of the beach. Rain trots in front of him picking up different shapes and narrating a story for each. By the time they get inside he's collected dozens that spill out of his pockets every time he moves.

Taehyung's stomach is sick with butterflies as they explore the house. It's quaint and beach themed with blue accents. It has modern amenities that allow for them to set up precautions.

"This one's ours!" Calls Rain from somewhere out of sight. Following the voice leads Taehyung to the end of the hallway where there's a room with twin single beds. "I call dibs on the window bed!" The spirit dives onto the mattress, decorative pillows ending up on the floor as he splays himself out like a starfish.

It's a front row seat for the painting of the century. Time passes like the colours change. The two of them sit on the sand banks and watch the sun's nightly performance. Full of pink that highlights, orange that burns, and shadows that melt into purple. The water is a collaborative artist coming together in the most perfect horizon of ocean and sky.

"Do spirits do that?" He asks into the wind that brings on a spring night chill.

"She likes a show. The sun would still set even if there weren't spirits to guide it, but these moments wouldn't exist." Hums Rain in awe. He speaks of them like family, proud of their legacy as he stares enamoured. Taehyung tries to imagine what it would mean to be a spirit. But every part of his existence relies on physical experience. How can something exist without that?

"Did you ever meet her?" Rain shakes his head and laughs.

"Not possible. It's not like we existed on another plane or something. What you see is what spirits are. We aren't like ghosts. It's just the essence of things. It's like how you can hear music but not see the source sometimes. Somewhere out there music is being created and captured, but you can't physically see someone playing an instrument." It's the closest example he can think of to describe it. Like trying to translate into a language that has entirely unique roots.

"Like Bluetooth." Chuckles Taehyung as he pulls his sleeves over his hands and curls them to his chest. "That shit confuses me."

"Sure, spirits are like Bluetooth."

Her morning paintings are Rain's favourite. Exclusive to those committed enough to watch, slowing down before a busy day of trivial matters. It's quiet and still, waves lapping at the land that gets further and further away. If only he could tell Taehyung about it all. About the dances he choreographed and the races he's won. But neither are truly tangible experiences that can be put into words. So he hopes that the rain will tell it for him.

This early, Taehyung is still fast asleep, curled up with a stuffed toy in his arms. When his human wakes Rain will be there. Until then, he has to fill this emptiness. As his eyes glaze over and all he begins to see is colour, the door creaks behind him and he hears the gentler steps of someone with far better balance than his companion.

It surprises him when Eunju stops beside him and sits down. She doesn't say anything for the first five minutes, silently sipping on a tea and appreciating the layers of the world beyond. When she speaks it's with a seriousness that catches Rain off guard.

"Why do you stay?"

"Sorry?" He turns to her to see she looks troubled.

"With Taehyung. You try so hard and you keep coming back. I know my son is hard to connect with. I just wonder what it is that keeps you so close?" Oh. He's never seen the human as difficult, just an adventure.

"Helping him helps me." He concludes simply, smoothing his fingers over the ridges in a half eroded shell by his feet. "I want to see him smile and live before it all falls away. When I see that it's like my own life feels a little brighter." So what if it's cheesy? It's every bit of truth that he can share without breaking another human's perception of reality. Making Taehyung happy is his purpose, the rain can exist without him. Someday he may miss the dancing and the healing, but right now all he wants is to help this human live.

"Is he... is it more than just friendship?" Eunju asks with a quiet hesitance, unsure if it's appropriate to ask. Despite her discomfort, Rain is nonchalant when he shrugs. In truth, he doesn't know or care. It has never been his intention to fall in love. Instead it has been to take what hurts Taehyung and make it disappear. In doing so, maybe love has bloomed in fear's place.

"If I fall over one more time we are going back. It's embarrassing!" Seethes Taehyung between his teeth as the two of them topple along the busy shore. Ever divet in the sand a tragedy waiting to happen. Despite Rain's offers to hold his hand, he attempts to traverse the unstable ground, averting his gaze from the onlookers who must question his protective mask and gloves. Rain doesn't care, he never does.

"We gotta keep going! They have better shells in the rock pools!"

"You and your damn shells," Grits the boy like he isn't collecting his own stash in his pockets. Groups of families and friends gather in clumps down the shoreline, some bathing in sunlight and other's playing sports or fun games. Some young children sit in the wet sand attempting to build castles only to be crestfallen when the waves wash it all away.

A group of boys who look to be about their age sit further up in the dry parts, collectively creating one of the most impressive sand sculptures either of them have ever seen. They must completely stop in their tracks to stare because it's not long after that one of them is staring straight at them and yelling out,

"C'mere! Get a good look!" Calls a boy with flaming red hair, waving frantically like they're lifetime pals. Both stare at eachother with confusion, looking behind where the guy is gesturing. No one else is there to mistake it for. "You two! Pink and Co!" Well that's a little clearer. Just as Taehyung attempts to pull them away and ignore it, Rain is doing the complete opposite and is waving back with an elated grin.

"No." Hisses Taehyung sharply when he tries to head over.

"It looks fun!"

"There's like a million people there, I'm a mess."

"Wrong. There's five, and you are fine! Now c'mon." In classic Rain fashion there is no rebuttal time allowed because he's tugging on the human's arm and dragging them over. They plop down into the fine grains and Taehyung turns away in refusal. "Hi! This is impressive! You all did this?" Chats Rain as he inspects each detail of the medieval style castle.

"Nah we just found it and claimed it." Jokes another with bleached blond hair and a smirk. A joke, Rain assumes since there are three actively sculpting a tower. "I'm Jimin! Welcome aboard the Bangtan Bros, we're trying to set a record for the biggest castle made of sand." The boys all wave, some far more invested in the creation than their new arrivals. Rain greets them all with ease whilst pinching at Taehyung's armpit.

"I'm Rain, that's Tae, he's new to people."

"Fuck off." Whispers the aforementioned with an embarrassed glow breaching above his mask. "I'm not... I just. I get sick easy so I can't be near other people."

"Now that's dramatic. We're outside and you've got all your gear on." Argues Rain to the boy. Though he notices the tensity of his body and reaches out to link their fingers loosely. "They're nice, you can keep your distance if you need, but join us?" Taehyung doesn't look back, free hand curled tight around his cane whilst he draws in the sand. The group of boys continue to chatter and build as they sit together. Rain doesn't push further, rhythmically smoothing his thumb over the human's palm.

"If you build a moat and encase it in shells it'll stop the sand absorbing all the water so you can actually fill it."

"Genius!" Shouts the boy who introduced himself as Namjoon. Him and Yoongi begin to dig out the moat more to make room for the shells that Rain empties out from his pockets.

"I have one for the door." Comes a whisper to Rain's left that pulls his attention back to see Taehyung watching carefully. He digs into his pocket and pulls out a large scallop shell in pristine condition. He holds it out in a silent offering of connection, eyes cast down when the attention turns to him.

"Oh my god that's perfect! You're a legend, Tae." Praises Hoseok, accepting the shell with a dramatic bow that makes Rain giggle which is a sound that will break Taehyung's grumpiness on the worst of days. "Rain is a weird name." Hums Hoseok curiously as he places the shell. "A nickname?" Rain just nods without trying to make up a story. "Wicked. My friends call me Hope."

"That's better than Mini, you won't let me live that down!" Jimin complains with a whine, kicking playfully at the other.

"If you aren't Mini I can't be Moni, it wouldn't flow." Reasons Namjoon with a grin. "Do you prefer Tae or something else?" The direct question startles Taehyung, eyes squeezing shut as he tries not to panic. Why are they asking me?

"Tae is fine." He mumbles, unconsciously squeezing the hand in his.

"You all know not to call me by any other name." Yoongi continues when he suspects a scheme brewing between his friends. "Give Jin a new nickname! He's had Moon for too long."

"Moon?" Perks up Rain curiously. A boy with pink hair, a little paler than his, pops up from the back of the castle, grinning from ear to ear.

"Tis me! We go hand in hand, Rain. Must've been destined to meet."

"Damn that's corny even for you." The dynamic of the five is like perfectly timed fireworks, playing off eachother in a pristine chaos. Even though Taehyung doesn't talk he can't help watching them in awe, mesmerised by the ease of which they connect. Even the way Rain fills in the gaps like he's met them all before, playing into jokes and helping to dig out the moat.

It's stupid that Taehyung's brain is telling him to run. There are no dangers here, not tangible ones. If it weren't for Rain holding his hand he would've fled. Now as he sinks into the group he begins to feel a warmth spread through him.

An hour must go by and the castle continues to expand and be refined. It's lunch time and they all fall back onto their towels with cheers of victory as they watch the water flow into the moat whilst Yoongi pulls out packs of food from their bags.

"You two wanna have lunch with us?" Even though it's hard to speak, Taehyung finds himself nodding. "Amazing cause Moon cooks like we're a crew of fifty. Sandwich for you, sushi for you, Tae what do you want?" He points to the katsu sushi.

Together they eat and it feels easy. There's no pressure to talk or add to the jokes, but they always include him. Rain does the same, boasting about his incredible friend who can paint and cook like a master. It's hard not to blush when he hears the spirit express such kind words about him.

Time passes and Taehyung forgets about hiding. The afternoon sun hits and the castle is sufficiently documented. As they begin to pack up, Hoseok holds out a phone to the two of them, furrowing Taehyung's brow in a clueless haze.

"Type your number in. We should stay in touch."

"No sorry I'm not from around here–" Begins Taehyung reticently but Rain steps in before he can completely blunder it.

"What he means is yes let's stay in touch, even if it isn't at the beach." With a nudge he gestures for the human to type in his details. When he takes the phone he can feel Hoseok's finger touch his glove, it makes him hold his breath as he types out his number. A minute later he gets a notification on his phone to say he's been added to a group chat. When he clicks on it photos of the day coming spilling, phone buzzing ecstatically like it never has before. He smiles when Mini posts a photo of him with the sun behind his hair. It's a photo he doesn't hate of himself for once.

Chapter Text

Making friends feels easier than it ever has. It still hasn't clicked in Taehyung's head that the buzzing of his phone isn't an alarm or a weather warning, but instead a preposterous number of texts from the group chat he's been roped into. As he's eating breakfast he reads through the string of conversation, snorting when he sees the videos of Jimin filming all the boys sleeping. He finishes the video with a close up on Namjoon's face which is met with a dozen outraged emojis from the man himself when he wakes up two hours later. They spam memes and talk about breakfast as if they aren't all in the same room. To Taehyung it's like actually being there. When Yoongi spots his 'seen' icon lurking in the background he sends through a voice message.

"Taeeeee, come to our beach house! We wanna play hues and cues but need two more for real competition!" With an echo of chatter in the background. Taehyung listens to it a second time without replying. Five minutes go by and another one comes through. "I see you lurking, c'mon." With a sigh that hides a smile he types back,

Fine, where and when? Within seconds he's got a flurry of gifs that show cheering minions and people.

Moni: Noon? Yellow house near the castle. RIP.

Mini: She shall be missed. I saved your shell if you wanna keep it.

Taehyung chuckles and shakes his head at the minute but sweet detail. A melodramatic gasp from the physical room tears his eyes up to see Rain at the door with a gaping mouth.

"Yes?"

"You're giggling!" Coos Rain cheerily, skipping over and peeking at his phone. "Ohhh let's go now!"

"They said noon."

"Noon is soonish."

"It's 10am."

"Soonish!" Taehyung rolls his eyes and gives one final reply to the chat,

See you then.

Then he puts it away to finish his breakfast and take his meds. Rain sits across from him impatiently tapping the table.

"I gotta shower. Then we can go."

"Fine... Can I eat the chocolate in the fridge?"

"That's my dad's." Rain doesn't take that as a viable answer, continuing to stare pleadingly. "Fine, but if you get in trouble don't dob me in." His grin is devilish as he prances to the fridge with a mission.

- - -

Rain drags them into the busy house, greeting everyone with his energetic nature that matches the lively crew. They get a tour and a snack before settling down to play the colour game. It seems to stump Rain as he tries to play but finds himself making obscure references and descriptions of colours that are so vivid in his mind but leave the rest befuddled. Taehyung on the other hand is a wizz at it. He knows the exact words to use and can deduct the meanings behind the other's clues. Within that growing confidence comes sly remarks and boastful statements when he takes the win.

It's the person Rain sees when he watches Taehyung stream. A persona where the world is perfect and he isn't a ticking time bomb. Nothing in the room is more interesting than his human. Constantly being snapped back to the focus of the game when he zones out watching Taehyung's eyes crease up with every joyful smile.

Sunlight turns to warm lit floor lamps as the sky outside begins to fade. Sugar has run through everyone's system, mouths gritty and hands sticky. Seokjin is telling a story about his current obsession with a new game when Taehyung feels a buzz in his pocket. His dad is wondering where he is. Casually he responds,

I'm with friends.

A minute later he's getting a call.

"Dad?" He mutters into the phone, pulling away from the table as the conversation lulls. "Yes... friends. Plural." Rain grins when the boy's cheeks turn so obviously red, eyes averting to the floor. "I'll be home soon. Yes it'll be before it gets too dark. Okay. Love you. Bye." He hangs up and looks back to see them all smiling like proud older brothers.

"Friends!" Hoseok speaks up triumphantly. "We could have a slumber party if you want, watch a movie and do karaoke." Rain's eyes light up and he's on his feet ready to submit to the idea. Taehyung cuts in with a shake of his head.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I have to get back as I have medications I need to take." It brings up the question they all have had but not asked, gazes flickering to the mask and gloves with a silent wondering. "I don't care if you ask."

"We don't want to make you feel bad or anything... but we did wonder why you have a cane." With careful choices of words he explains his prognosis, trying not to present the news like a doomsday announcement. Whenever he tells someone they always sympathise with him. It's not fair that compassion makes him angry, people mean well. But he's become sick of the 'I'm sorry' and 'You poor thing' responses. Instead of any of that, Hoseok reaches out to take his hand into a firm shake, holding their palms together with a reassuring gaze.

"Anything you need man, we're here." It's simple and it's practical. He smiles and nods in gratitude.

"This is all I need. Thank you."

- - -

The sun has abandoned them for the other side, left to traipse across the dusk lit beach now completely empty. The sound of waves washing up a backdrop for their silence. Entwined together, their fingers keep eachother steady, Rain being a guide for them both.

It's quiet in the house when they arrive, his parents watching a movie on low volume. Taehyung ducks passed with a fleeting wave, disappearing down the hallway before they can begin to fuss about his new achievement.

"You're embarrassed!" Teases Rain with a coo in his drawn out words, spinning around his human with a tongue out to continue the cheeky attitude.

"Am not! They're just nosy."

"Look at your cheeks! They're pinker than my hair!"

"Oh quit it you. Go brush your teeth, your breath smells." His mischievous expression drops to a contemptuous scoff. The stark difference elicits a chuckle from Taehyung as he drops to his bed and begins to take off his shoes caked in sand.

"Being popular makes you a bully." Mutters Rain, clearly miffed but not enough to be serious. He prances off with an upturned nose, locking himself in the bathroom where he searches for a toothbrush and toothpaste. Theoretically he knows how to brush his teeth, but he's never actually done it. Yes, it's gross but spirits don't usually have teeth.

He focuses on brushing them gently, pulling faces at the taste and watching himself closely in the mirror. He doesn't even know how long he should do this for. As he spits out the foam and washes out his mouth he hears something in the other room. It sounds like a grunt. His toothbrush hits the floor, forgotten, as he runs out and stops in the doorway to see Taehyung hunched over on the bed, pants only on one leg.

"What happened?" He rushes forward and drops to his knees to see the human's face scrunched up tight, hand to his chest.

"It's fine." He grits out, breath coming out forced.

"It's not you liar."

"It is!" Insists the stubborn boy. "Just the monitor. Like before. I'll be fine in a few minutes." Rain's nostrils flare when he exhales defeatedly. "Don't huff."

"Don't tell me what to do." He bites back sharply, mainly from the adrenaline that worry has injected him with. His gaze softens when he sees Taehyung pout.

"You're feisty today." Hums Taehyung with a laugh that looks like it hurts. But he's smiling again, hand still kept steadily across his chest as he straightens up and attempts to put the other leg into his pants. The movie that had become white noise cuts off and he prepares himself for the appearance of his mother at the door. She comes holding a bag and a water bottle, eyes knowing when Taehyung tries to avert his gaze.

"You really should take these with dinner." She tuts as she pours out the night's dose of chemicals. Taehyung shrugs and takes them in one go, swallowing heavily. "Jungkook, dob him in if he tries to hide this, it's still serious." He rolls his eyes and falls back on the mattress.

"The whole point of this stupid device is so you worry less. Now you just worry everytime it does something."

"It doing something means you would be having an attack, so of course I'm going to worry." Eunju argues sternly. "Get some sleep."

- - -

It's a squishy set up for the two to lay side by side but it doesn't stop them. None of Taehyung's arguments hold enough sincerity to keep them apart. So Rain is tucked under the blanket with him, head resting beneath his arm and hand across his chest, tapping the rhythm he can feel into the warm skin beneath it. Tenderness prickles against every surface, inside and out. He can hear the soft way Rain breathes and feels the radiating heat of another body. He can't help it when one hand comes up to comb through pink hair, anchoring himself in that comfort.

It's easy to sleep like this. Even if he's one shift away from falling off the bed. Whether he dreams or not, Taehyung doesn't know. There's flashes of thoughts and ideas, ways to stay connected with his new friends, fears of saying goodbye, a poem he wants to write about the spirit that became a human. It all cuts out into static when another aggressive shock is sent into his heart, tearing him from simple emptiness into conscious pain. What hurts the most is that it scares Rain awake, hand feeling the jolt.

Rain's own heart feels like it's malfunctioning as he tips from the bed and lands on the floor with a thud. His focus darts to where he sees his human suffering, shut eyes unable to hold the tears of pain that breach through. They trickle for a  moment before melting into a stream far more violent and uncontained. Tears of anger take their place, pulling Taehyung's words out into sharp snarls,

"Why can't I just have one good thing?!" It fractures something inside Rain to see him so upset, yearning for the smile he has been displaying so frequently. It's clear he's tormenting himself inside, jaw pulling tighter with every internal cry. What else can Rain do but try to pull him out of it?

So he does it like Taehyung would. He reaches across and pulls the boy's face closer, touching their lips together as a gentle redirection. Immediately Taehyung's eyes snap open and he reciprocates the action. Now the tears stream heavy but Rain catches them with his thumbs and wipes them away. Arms pull Rain in closer, hands settling in pink hair to tug them firmly together. It's like an electric pulse through Taehyung's body when Rain accidentally bites his lip and proceeds to kiss it better.

They kiss until it's not physically safe for Taehyung's breathing, snapping apart with sharp inhales, foreheads colliding in unison. This close Taehyung can see the swirls of blue and grey in Rain's eyes. Bright and heavy all at once. The literal eye of a storm. How could he ever think this boy was human? It's so clear when they're this close that he's a creation far more complex. But only he gets to see the spirit this close. A secret he'll always keep.

"One good thing." Rain whispers into the proximity, where he stays for the remainder of the night.

- - -

The first thing that Rain notices when he stirs from the deepest sleep he's ever had is the emptiness of space beside him. His fingers close around a cold blanket with no body. It shouldn't make him panic as much as it does but he can't help the doomsday thoughts that send a crackle of thunder down his spine. He tears himself from the blanket and scrambles down the hall. Around the corner he encounters an immersed conversation. The three sit around the coffee table where a phone is propped up and a voice echoes through its speakers. She uses words that sound like gibberish and has a level tone. Based on the serious nonsense Rain concludes she must be a nurse.

"Just keep monitoring. If it delivers another shock you will have to come in." Taehyung looks miserable. He's got his hoodie pulled over his tousled hair, fingernails bitten down til they've bled. All Rain wants to do is hug him and kiss him again but this feels like something he shouldn't be included in.

Taehyung has a different idea.

When he looks up to speak to his dad he spots the spirit in his peripheral. Light bursts in his eyes and he sits up straight, gesturing with a hand for Rain to come over. Without hesitation he sprints over and tugs his human into a tight embrace, arms locking around his neck and legs slinging over the human's until he's sitting across his lap.

"Hey." Whispers Taehyung against his neck, wanting to kiss it but holding back.

"Is it bad?"

"Not yet." He looks up to his parents who are avoiding eye contact. "Do we have to leave?" Minsik clears his throat before he answers,

"We should wait to see if you stabilise. Driving away from a hospital is not smart right now." Taehyung rolls his eyes but nods. "Can I go see my friends?"

"Tae, I think you need to be resting." Eunju cuts in warily, knowing the word is always a sore spot.

"All I do is rest! I'm sick of doing nothing just waiting for something to go wrong!"

"I know, Tiger. I know. Could your friends come here?" Rain agrees with the idea by nodding into Taehyung's shoulder, already reaching for the human's phone. Despite stopping the eager movements, Taehyung doesn't outright disagree. "We don't want you to miss out, just ... we need to do things a little differently. If you invite them over I can cook up a lunch and you can have the whole place to yourself. Just promise me you'll look out for yourself, if you start to feel dizzy you need to tell us."

"I'll look out for him." Rain answers with such fervour that Taehyung feels a punch of something intense and warm in his chest, leaving a lump in his throat that makes it hard not to kiss the spirit then and there. Since when did he adore rain so much?

Chapter Text

Anger has never felt wanted by those around her. When she shows up people turn to her and warn her, 'don't you dare go messing up everything around you' like it's all she is capable of. If allowed she can do so much more. Instead she hurts all the people she loves because people don't see her for what she truly is: worn out and tired. An existence stemming from the deepest of fears and the heaviest of tears. So she gets internalised. Lost in a mind that fractures every day she's trapped. A pane of glass that threatens to break.

Taehyung is afraid of her. She brings out the worst in him, makes him say things he shouldn't and treat people he loves with jagged aggression. He's never known how to handle her.

Instead, he cries.

He cries into his pillow until it's drenched. He digs his nails into his arms until they bleed. He gasps hyperventilated breaths until he passes out, waking to the silence. No one gets to see this side of him. Not even Rain is allowed. He's locked the doors and shut the curtains, refusing every offer from his parents to let the spirit in.

All he feels is emptiness and anger. Two things that form an awful weight on his chest.

Why can't I have a life and not have to suffer? Why can't I make a friend without losing a month of my life?

It's been a week since they returned from the beach and he's been unable to move beyond the upstairs bathroom, collapsing on the tiles every time. He wishes to feel numb, instead he's met with tight constrictions around his torso, chaining him to the bed that watches his fate play out.

I can't do this.

Every time he cries too heavy his dad is by his side but the presence only angers him more, words sharp and blunt as he tells Minsik to shut up and go away.

"I can't... I can't..." Anger holds his heart and tries to comfort him, but he keeps pulling away. He refuses her compassion, shoving her away until he's alone again. All the tears drown him until he has no choice but to fall into sleep, losing himself in the cloudy hatred.

When he wakes up next it's to a cold wind. It startles him awake with a twang in his chest when he moves too quickly. The sight in front of him leaves him speechless. There's glass everywhere, wind whistling around the edges and flapping the curtains. In amongst it all stands Rain, arms crossed and expression sour, his hand wrapped in his shirt. Blood drips from the soaked material, and sight that finally flicks Taehyung's brain on.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Anger screams through his vocal chords, pulling his limbs from their paralysis so he can stumble forward and pull the spirit from the wreckage. When he peels away the fabric there's glass shards all over his fist, tiny cuts spilling vibrant red blood through every crevice.

"You gave me no other choice." Spits Rain with a heightened sense of aggravation in his voice that has never surfaced before. Anger got to him too. But she didn't make him yell, she made him smash a window.

"Just..." Speaks Taehyung shakily, trying to catch the breath he keeps losing. "Just sit down. I'll get my dad to clean it."

"Why are you shutting me out?" Rain continues with a complete disregard for his own wellbeing as the other calls out for his father. "I am supposed to help you. You locked me out."

"Just stop talking!" Snaps Taehyung, next inhale sharp and short as he turns away and blinks back the fog in his vision. "I can't..." Each breath is slipping away and he feels like he's falling. When he blinks back into consciousness he realises he has fallen, Minsik sitting above with a hand to his pulse and another on Rain's hand. "'m sorry." Taehyung weeps into the haze, shaking his head and trying to pull himself away. Anger is consuming him again, taking away all sense of control. Why am I like this?

"Tae, it's okay. The more you work yourself up, the harder it will get, so just lay down and close your eyes." When he does the darkness scares him. It's a feeling he's felt flashes of, when his heart stopped for a minute and the emptiness took hold. Coming back to the present he feels the tears trickling into his ears. "Hold still." He hears somewhere nearby. When he looks he sees his dad with Rain hunched against his side, hand held in a braced position as Minsik pours saline over the cuts.

"It hurts." Rain whimpers and Taehyung watches the smallest of tears begin to escape from his lash line.

Then it's dark again.

It's warm the next time. He's not alone anymore. There's arms around his waist and breath against his neck. Fingertips caress the sides of his hips beneath the loose fit of his hoodie. Warmth spreads to his cheeks and he can't help burying his face into the pink hair. It hurts to cry and yet his body makes him do it anyway. This time it's not a fear of anger but a fear of what it will mean to lose this.

"Don't lock me out again." Each breath falls against his skin when Rain speaks into the stillness. Then all breath is gone when he proceeds to kiss his shoulder. "I want to be here for everything, not just the light parts."

"Why?" Is all Taehyung can think to say. Darkness has a way of shadowing any good memory. Every conversation about Rain's desperate need to be apart of this gone from his mind. All he can think about is how he will say goodbye. Rain doesn't answer with words. Every touch is gentle as he cups Taehyung's cheek and brings their noses together. The kiss is light and quick, enough to say what he needs without punishing the other. It's enough of an answer for now.

Each step is hesitant, led by the cane that has been practically fused to Taehyung's palm. He has a body in front ready to catch him and one behind holding him steady. It all feels overprotective and dramatic until he nearly slips and Rain's arms clutch his waist.

"You will have more strength soon." Minsik assures him from below, noting the scrunched up frustration on his son's face. "This is temporary."

"I want–" In truth he doesn't know what he wants. Not this. Not a body that doesn't work nor a mind that betrays him. Radical acceptance has failed him. Despite his complaints they make it to the couch where he can collapse into propped up cushions. A place for Rain to dive in beside him and curl their bodies together in an embrace.

"I'm sorry for breaking your window." He mutters sheepishly, fiddling with greasy strands of hair to push them back.

"I shouldn't have ignored you."

"I should've waited." All the should's and shouldn't's end in a lull of shame. Neither can face eachother. For Taehyung it's the shame of being too much. For Rain it's the shame of not being enough. "What will happen now?" Rain doesn't want to show how afraid he is. The last he saw of his human was the elated grin on his face when he hugged their new friends goodbye. Farewells made with promise of a games weekend soon.

Why is he being punished?

"It's not fair. You shouldn't be worse after that. Good things should make you feel good."

"Good things are subjective. You see a holiday, I see a death sentence. I've lived within my limits my whole life, stepping out of them is harakiri."

"No. That's not fair." Rain is insistent and ignorant, stating his feelings like they're revolutionary. Usually it's endearing, right now it sets alight the fuel of Taehyung's own internal panic.

"It doesn't matter if it's not fair! It's how it is!"

"Don't yell at me." There's a hiccup of hurt in Rain's voice.

"Then go away."

"No." He's stubborn. Taehyung can't handle this right now. All sense of civility is slipping away as he shouts words that he doesn't mean,

"You're a pain in my ass! I was fine before you showed up!"

"Liar! You wrote suicide notes every night!" Rain spits back just as angrily as the tormented human he should be saving. The following inhale brings realisation of what he's said, fingers tugging his lips shut as Taehyung stares in stupor. "I'm... I'm sorry. I saw them when I was–"

"Get out."

"Tae–"

"GET OUT!" The spirit's face cracks at the scream, lips shaking and eyes fluttering whilst tears well up faster than his heart can beat. Instead of arguing like he usually would he turns and runs, door slamming behind him. Once he's gone Taehyung breaks too. A deeply unsettling and harrowed noise breaks free of his throat, body curling into itself when more follow. Every time his vocal chords collide it's like tectonic plates disrupting his insides. Sobs turn into howls, body slumping over into the heaves that pull him to the ground.

He screams when someone tries to touch him, nails clawing at his scalp when they try to speak. "GO AWAY!" Whoever it is knows Anger well, has seen her appearance in him far more often, so they don't run. Eunju does the only thing she can do when it gets to this point, she removes the harmful touch and pins him in a pressurised back hug, shutting out every crude insult her son throws at her.

"Minsik, I need help!"

"GET OFF OF ME!" Taehyung's voice doesn't even sound like his own anymore, raw from strain and lack of oxygen. The goal is to get him sedated before he passes out, but with the way he's screaming Eunju doesn't know if they'll make it. She knows it's too late when his breaths flip from non-existent to short and fast wheezing.

Everything hurts. Like disintegrating wires colliding in sparks against his skin. It's sharp and it burns. Every inhale comes with knives, every exhale fiery. Amongst it all is a floaty sense of disconnect from his own thoughts and emotions. A sensation he's only ever felt a few times before.

"Hey little tiger."

"I'm sorry." He blurts instinctively, averting his gaze to where his fingernails tap together. "Is she–"

"She's fine. You didn't hurt anyone. You just screamed a lot." Minsik tells him softly, sat by his son's desk with his work laptop. "What happened? Where did Jungkook go?"

"I scared him."

"What set you off? Or is it too soon to talk about it?" Taehyung shrugs, disconnected from the intensity he'd felt hours ago. The magic of respiridone. A pile of journals on his desk hold his attention for awhile, words of defeat hidden amongst the pages.

"The truth: This isn't fair."

"I know."

"Everyone knows. Doesn't change anything. I don't want this anymore. I just want to be done." There's so many possible meanings behind that statement that it stills his dad for over a minute. Mind carefully calculating what his next question should be.

"Done with what?" Maybe it's not the right one to follow up with, but Minsik doesn't know how to handle this conversation. They've had similar sentiments when he was younger, fits of despair that were able to be dealt with. Something about this admission feels different; genuine.

"You know what. I can't just pick and choose which parts I am done with."

"Taehyung, do you... are you wanting to die?" That's what they taught him. Be direct. Be simple. It's hard to recall all the training he's had to support his son when the shrill cry in his ears is taking up all the space. So lost in it he doesn't see the boy nod.

"Yes, dad, I want to die. I have for a long time. Every surgery I'm told things will get better, instead of better it's just a different problem." Something about saying it out loud makes the dense air dissipate. It's relief.

"But you're on the list for–"

"That will just be a different problem. It's a lottery ticket that we've been holding onto like it'll save everything."

"It will."

"It won't happen." Both are wrong in some ways. Neither knowing what is definitive. But that's just the issue. A tug of war between a life that's long and dull or one that's short and fulfilling. "I can't keep waiting for the perfect solution. I'm tired." Anger speaks for him this time, not in a voice that scares others or with actions that hurt, but with honesty.

"What are you asking for Tae?" Whispers Minsik in a voice so silent that it's drowned out by buzzing electricity. A question he already knows the answer to. Right now there's room for misinterpretation, space for intervention. The shake in his hands aims to be steadied by the other, but they only amplify eachother into a quake.

"I want hospice care. No more clinics. I'm done."

Chapter Text

How does one find a spirit who doesn't want to be found? A creature who knows the world better than anyone. If he wanted to disappear forever he could. That's not what Taehyung wants. What he wants is to apologise. To hug the spirit and tell him the truth.

At first he tries sitting out on his balcony, hoping pink would pass by and stop to say hello. After hours in the sun that began to roast his skin he gave up. The next day he got desperate. Worry filled his headspace, wonderings of where Rain was and why he wouldn't come back.

Something weightless takes ahold when he steps out into the street. It's thrilling and terrifying in a way that gives him more energy, rather than taking it away. He wanders the paths, calling for his spirit. Behind the mask his voice is too soft so he pulls it off and yells louder, ignoring the stares of strangers. First stop is the park where he has to sit and catch his breath, watching the children swing high up in the air with shouts of glee. Siblings spin eachother sick on another piece of equipment whilst two young teens lay on the jumbo swing together and watch the sky in a gentle sway.

None of them are Rain.

Where else would the spirit go? Outside of their existence together, the spirit's life sounds dull. Why give up so much for something so little? That belittling thought brings a scowl to Taehyung's face. To him it's insignificant, to Rain it's everything. His gaze moves to a family splayed out across a picnic blanket where he watches a young boy dip vibrant red strawberries into silky milk chocolate.

What day is it?

When Taehyung checks he sees the market is open, lip pulling in as he searches up how far away it is. Too far to walk. He glances to the bus stop at the entrance to the block of land, frozen in his thoughts. Panic tells him to go home. To wait and hope that Rain will come to him when he's ready. The rest of him is already hobbling to the bus stop and waiting, holding his breath when the vehicle arrives and he steps on.

All knowledge of their town's market has always been shared with Taehyung in photos and stories. It's a place where every element of the community comes together. Farmers with crops they didn't sell to the masses, ready to be shared. Single parents selling DIY crafts to afford an extra opportunity. Artisans creating something exquisite through time and patience.

Its loud and everything moves quickly. It feels like stumbling into an ER, unable to catch a word or predict a movement of those around him. It's his first time being around this many people. Every muscle is rigid, fingers smoothing down the creases in his mask as he steps through the crowd. It's hard to focus on where his cane lands and where to walk when there's so many people to look out for. None have pink hair. Most dull and simple, some tied up with bows or in bright hats. Taehyung knows he shouldn't be here. It's one thing to accept death, to actively seek it is insanity.

But he's not seeking death, he's seeking Rain. The spirit who told him about life and convinced him to live it. The one that held him in every low moment. The one who saw eternity and turned a blind eye in hopes to connect with something real. He's an enigma wrapped up in the prettiest smile and the brightest energy.

Any splash of pink has him turning his head, desperate in his movements. The quickening of his heart is a warning sign but not one that can deter him. Several minutes in is when he spots the strawberry stall, signs painted beautifully with vibrant colours. If he could run to it he would. Instead he pulls himself along until he's stopping at the front, frantically searching for Rain.

"Are you here to buy?" Comes a voice that's soft but stern, reminding him fondly of his mother.

"No. I'm sorry, I'm looking for someone." Even though he speaks in a whisper and is muffled by the mask, she gets the gist and smiles.

"How intriguing." A tinge of knowing and playfulness slips into her voice. "What makes you think they're here?"

"He likes strawberries. Scratch that, he's obsessed with them." Her chuckle is sweeter than her produce, a hearth of warmth that settles some of the restlessness in Taehyung. With a single finger she gestures him down the side of the stall. Around the back she pulls back a tarp that blocks the entrance and reveals a boy cocooned in a blanket, lips glowing red with the remains of dozens of strawberries. Like an idiot Taehyung just stands there with a stupefied stare, paralysed by the pink haired spirit looking completely miserable.

"Rain?" Tension pulls at his heart, threatening an emotional break as he realises how deeply he had hurt the ball of joy. The call of his name pulls Rain's focus up, cheeks puffed out to hold the strawberry he finishes chewing with rheumy eyes.

"Tae?" He mumbles into the unfinished bite, fingers wiping on his clean white shirt as he scrambles to his feet. "What are you doing here?" The stall owner watches them both for a little while before she returns to the front where customers wait. Leaving the two to their awkward dance of guilt and yearning.

"I wanted to say sorry. But... but you never came back."

"How'd you know where I'd be?"

"I didn't." Admits Taehyung sheepishly, picking at a peeling sticker on his cane. "I just had to look. I took the bus." Those stormy eyes spark into bright surprise, hands held back as they attempt to reach for the other. A hesitancy stemming from the fear that he'll hurt the only human he cares about.

"Really? For me?"

"Who else would I do that for? Of course for you." So what if Rain is supposed to hold out on his forgiveness, he doesn't care. Stubbornness is impossible when Taehyung stands in front of him ready to make amends. He dives for the boy, arms tucking beneath his human's and chin hooking over his shoulder. A smile splits across his strawberry coloured cheeks when he feels arms wrap around his back and breaths pass by his ear. "I'm really sorry, Rain."

"I know, Tae." He whispers back, sneaking a kiss to the boy's temple. A giggle breaks free when he pulls away to see the sticky red stain left behind. "Oopsie." They pull apart enough that Taehyung can inspect the spirit for any underlying emotions. It's hard to read beyond his sweet persona.

"Are you really okay?"

"Yeah, I am. I just needed some space. But I'm glad you found me, I missed you." All Taehyung wants is to kiss him. It would taste sweeter than any other and be the warmth he so desperately needs. But they're out in the open and his mask is all that's protecting him now.

"Come back with me?"

"One second." Perks up the spirit, ducking free from the embrace so he can jump back to where his stash of strawberries remains. He returns with a half empty punnet the size of his head. "Now we're good. Lead the way!"

Watching Rain in the mirror, he can't help but wonder if he should tell the spirit about his decision. Obviously he should but is now the right time? What if he runs? What if he cries? Taehyung already feels so frayed, still terrified to tell his mum to her face. Seeing Rain break will hurt more than he can imagine. But this isn't supposed to be sad. He doesn't want this to be a premature goodbye. Is it selfish to ask for a moment where life isn't such a fragile thing? Where he can live it without being stuck in it.

"Rain, I have to tell you something." Storms brew in the eyes of his bright curiosity, attention pulling away from the dog curled up in his lap licking at his fingers. "But I don't want you to be sad."

"I can't help if I'm sad." Says the other with an airy giggle, "That'd be silly."

"Just... I guess, I don't want this to be a big thing." Taehyung explains as he joins the spirit on the carpet, his dog immediately diverting his attention to his owner. "I want you to know that I'm deciding to stop going to clinics. That I'm gonna go into hospice care. It means I won't be trying anything new to try and fix my heart. That I'll stop focusing on making my life longer."

"Oh." It's all Rain says. In a voice that's soft and reflective.

"Whether I die this year or the next, I don't know. But I don't want to fill my time with appointments."

"That's why you took the bus."

"Yes. I want to do what you said. I want to try new things. If it makes me sicker I don't care." So focused on watching the spirit's face for reactions, Taehyung doesn't see the hand that reaches for his until warmth spills across his skin where their fingers collide. The touch triggers his own brittle emotions, faucet filling his lashline to the brim. "If I remember anything, I want it to be this."

For Rain it's a convoluted admission that sinks into his skin that buzzes with life unearned. A decision that puts his own clock on a countdown. None of that matters. Not right now.

"What do you want to do more of?" It's best to look ahead. Looking up at the uncertainty that reflects in the watery irises makes him swallow his own sadness.

"Truthfully, I have no idea. Maybe see a movie in a cinema, have a coffee made in a cafe, or have a campfire. There's so much and yet my mind feels so blank. Even simple things feel far away, it's easier to think of grandiose impossibilities."

"Why not start with a trip to a store where you can choose some snacks?" Suggests Rain with a squeeze to the hands he can feel beginning to shake.

"I like that idea."

By the time they make it back from the store the park is empty and they can take the large swing for themselves. Both lay out across it whilst they watch the darkening clouds roll by. Sour worms keep Taehyung's lips numb, tongue coated in an uncomfortably addictive film of sugar. Close by Rain is carefully sorting gummy bears into colours on his thigh, trying to see which colour is most popular.

There's a warning of rain that will come in the night. Even if Taehyung is afraid, he doesn't try to run. All will be okay.

"It's orange?!" Shouts a disgruntled voice that shakes Taehyung from his thoughts. He looks over to see Rain pouting at the result of his experiment. "That's the worst flavour."

"How many more?" He holds up five fingers. Before he can even say it aloud Taehyung is snatching six of the orange gummy bears and shoving them in his mouth all at once. When he tries to speak it's gross. "I think you should recount."

"Hmm, let's see..." With a dramatic but quick re-enactment of his earlier work, Rain gasps out in feigned shock and turns to Taehyung with wide eyes of theatrical wonder. "It's red!"

"Wow. Like magic."

"You're drooling."

"Wha–" The human tries to wipe at his mouth but gets the wrong side. Part of that elaborate character continues when Rain leans across and wipes away the mess, following it with a kiss that tastes of a sugar high like none other.

"Mm, all better." He hums triumphantly, pulling away to see his human's dazed expression.

"You're crazy."

"And you like it."

"Oh shut up."

"No I don't think I will." Cockiness seeps into Rain's tone as he lays back on his hands and smirks, seeing the other fidget in his peripheral. "Do your parents know about your decision?"

"Dad does. He wants me to have a psych session to make sure I'm making the right decision."

"Do you think you are?" What anyone else thinks is irrelevant.

"Yeah. I do."

Chapter Text

Eunju isn't a hugger. That's her husband's role in their complex arrangement. It takes several yearning whines before she'll ever give into one. Something about the pressure to get it right, to know when to stop, whether she should ask or just go for it.

None of that is applicable when she hears her son declare her greatest fear. She made a promise that she wouldn't cry or overwhelm him with her own grief. Instead of bringing down this weight on them both she pulls him into her arms and wraps him in an embrace that she won't let go of. She kisses his hair and breathes in his shampoo scent. It's mostly quiet except for the birds at their window.

Her fingers trace his arms, drawing the love she doesn't know how to give. The remains of her adoration that she may never get to share. Taehyung buries himself in her arms, cheek resting against where her heart races in his ears. Eyes glazing over as he watches the rising sun creep across the room.

"It's okay to cry." He told her when he'd finished sharing his decision. She didn't listen.

It feels like being back at the beginning of it all. The day she went for the ultrasound and heard the news of her son's fate. No nurse dared to offer a termination. The spirit in her eyes when she told them he was her son too bold to argue against. Every day has been in preparation for this. She's still not ready.

The day he was born has been blocked from her memory; premature and not breathing. Two weeks later he was in the theatre for his first surgery. Every drive home he was quiet. He never cried. Not until three years later when the storm hit on their drive home. All the cries he'd held in escaping within that moment. Her child has never been afraid of the weapon in his chest but hides away from the rain that gets too loud.

"I love you." She whispers against his scalp, squeezing his arm and pulling the hug tighter. "Love you so so much. My baby boy. I'm so proud of you."

It's okay to cry. Reminds Taehyung's own conscience, begging for the pressure behind his eyes to be let free. If he cries now she will too. In an attempt to remove the rising need he turns and buries his face into her shoulder, pushing harder than he should. Her hands come up to comb his hair, keeping him there. "I know, baby, I know."

"'m sorry," Her heart breaks when he whispers it so weakly.

That's what he feels; weak. Weak for giving up so early. People with his condition can live until they're forties. But how much of it is living when every five years there's another surgery? Maybe in another twenty years there'll be some new trial that will make it easier. All of that is too far away.

"Tae, please don't say sorry. You have done amazing." She tugs at his chin to see his cloudy eyes, a smile touching the corners of her lips upon seeing his bright flushed cheeks. "This has always been your choice to make. Whenever you needed it. I don't want you to worry about me or your dad. We love you every day of your life and that won't change, however long we get to spend with you." The first tear batters against his corneas, throat constricting as he tries to hold it in. It's too late. When they fall his mother is there to catch them.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise!"

"How long before you learn I don't like surprises."

"As long as it takes for you to realise I love them." Quips the sassy spirit as he pulls his human along by the arm. They're deep in a redwood forest, no human soul in sight. But Taehyung can feel the spirits around them. The early morning fog that hugs them tight, the wind that hides away only to peek out curiously. The trees that sing to them in their own sweet language. Everytime he's seen Rain its been in a human way. Now he sees the spirit in him, the way he flows through the old trunks with an expertise, splashing up puddles from yesterday's rain so that it seeps into the roots beneath the earth. This is his turf.

"No seriously, you're going to get us lost."

"Not possible. I grew these woods, I know my way." It's hard for Taehyung to keep up but he tries, cane dragging behind him whilst Rain holds him up instead. The racing in his chest a background to the wonder that has overtaken him. The soil beneath them is spongey, adding a bounce into each step deeper. They must walk for another twenty minutes before Rain begins to slow down.

Taehyung understands why when he looks ahead, lips parting in a silent gasp of awe. An ancient looking tree is in a clearing of its own, surrounded by trees that become inferior in its presence. The tree trunk must be nearly four metres in diameter, reaching high into the sky making its canopy look miniscule.

"Wh– ho– wow... How did – how old is it?" Every question is jumbled into one quiet gape, legs making their own way to the base where he looks straight up and finds himself getting dizzy. Everything feels insignificant beneath its shadow.

"At least 300 years old from what I can remember." Rain murmurs as he steps up to join his human. His fingers reach out to caress the bark, gentle and nurturing. "He's dying." Adds the spirit softly, focusing on the leaves far above that lose their colour with the distance. But he knows. He can feel it. There's grief that Taehyung sees in the lively boy, the kind one has for their dearly loved. "But people still visit. He's still pretty amazing." Rain takes a glance across to where Taehyung is quietly exploring the diameter. "Even if I don't have memories like you would, I remember him. A tree that kept growing despite the other's that shadowed his light. A guide for so many hikers and wanderers. All across the earth there are some like him that I can't forget."

"You planted him?" Whispers Taehyung curiously as he stops by the spirit.

"Not planted but I cared for him."

"Oh... right." Rain smiles and takes his hand, tugging them to the roots where he settles amongst them, guiding his human down beside him so they can lay back against the weaving proof of a long life lived. It's tranquil when they stop talking. Occasional wind washes over them with a cool touch that settles the summer heat. Canopies above protecting them from the sun's keen glow. "Do you know when it will die?" Asks Taehyung after thinking it over in his mind.

"Nope. But it's their agreement. Like humans. Life brings an end, I guess it's different when you don't get to choose it. But I've always envied that. The idea of endings, what it means and how it looks. You guys believe in a afterlife too, which is a whole other wonder."

"Afterlives are humans' desperate attempts to find comfort in death, they're not real." Hums Taehyung cynically. "Just a story written to avoid endings. Humans hate endings. I guess it's why asking for one is so hard."

"What's the harm in believing those stories? I think it's beautiful." Whether it's naivety or faith, Rain speaks like he does believe it. It's the one part of life he hasn't seen.

"Disappointment." Taehyung argues flatly, tugging at his lip and glancing across to see the spirit watching him so intently. "What?"

"Well... it's just, if you believe there's nothing after, how can there be the possibility of disappointment? You'd have no tangible way to feel it." Touché. He grits silently, eyes rolling into a playful scoff.

"Whatever. I just... I can't conceptualise it. The thought of another plane of existence..." He huffs and pokes at Rain's chest accusingly as he says, "What do you believe?" The spirit shrugs and rolls over so he can scooch in closer, waiting for an arm to loop around him.

"I believe in a cycle. Like everything in nature, death leads to life. Rain doesn't ever die, it just returns to some place else." He reaches for a leaf by the other's leg, unfurling the crinkled dry state of it to show the veins of its structure. "Even if this tree someday dies, it will still exist in the soil or maybe in the oxygen you breathe."

Death leads to life...

Taehyung had never thought about it that way. Nature has always fascinated and terrified him. With its wild tendencies and unpredictable patterns. Yet when he stares at the leaf and sees each line within, he sees consistency, technique and structure far more complex than a haphazard creation should have. Humans are a part of nature too... in their own destructive way.

He can't help closing his eyes to focus on the sensations around him. Thoughts ebbing through all these concepts that feel so far away. He feels Rain against his side, fingers wrapped around his bicep, breath warm against his skin. Now is all that matters.

Time passes and he keeps thinking about the tree. At one point scattered thoughts start to shift into their own structure. Veins threading into a story. His shift to grab his phone wakes Rain, doe eyes looking over curiously.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to write something for you." He explains, laying back with his spirit held close. He types for half an hour, changing and twisting each word until it feels right. As much as Rain wants to know, he waits, instead admiring the intense focus of the boy at peace in this place. "Okay." Announces Taehyung as he begins to sit up, trunk propping him up. He guides Rain to sit with him too, one hand on his and another holding his phone as he reads it over one last time. "I call it Bloom and Gloom." He takes a breath and begins to read,

"Rain watches a tree bloom from a seed until its death
It happens slowly at first,
then all at once

The seed is small when it takes to the earth
Something so small,
no one believes a plant can grow from it
There are wonders in nature human's will never quite grasp
Like how something so forgettable can create something so boundless

It starts out as just a sprout,
with just a slim chance of making it past the ravenous snails that lurk nearby
The sprout grows bigger every day;
Rain waters it with care.

Without us realising,
this seed has risen above us
With it comes shelter and comfort
Rain beams with pride
Because he has brought this beautiful creation from nothing to everything
Everyday it grows,
So grandiose we no longer notice
But it's there,
growing old

The time comes when it starts to die
The green of the leaves go dim,
they become brown and start to wither
But Rain is not sad,
for he knows it has lived
And that it must die for another to take its place."

His voice fades into the wind and it's still. Even the sounds of fauna hush, like they've all stopped to listen. With a worried frown he looks to Rain's captivating eyes, searching for feeling. A flood crashes into his lungs when he sees the torrential reverence that spills from his stormy irises onto the pink of his cheeks. His lip quivers and his hands shake in their intertwined hold. Unsure how to respond to the deep expressions, Taehyung decides to squeeze their hands closer. "Are you...?" The spirit nods without hesitation, crawling forward to cocoon himself in the other's lap. Taehyung doesn't think twice, drawing their bodies closer together.

He lets go of every worry, earth melting away so that all he can feel and see is the spirit in his arms. A boy so caring he was born into a spirit destined for life and responsibility. A spirit who is childish because the weight of the world is held above him, waiting to drop at any second. But Rain would never let it. Rain would walk to the ends of the earth for earth itself. "You're amazing." The whisper gets caught in the wind, brushing across Rain's ear like a passing thought. I love you. This one gets whispered in his mind, waiting for another day.

Chapter Text

It's quiet at the dinner table as he tries to think of the right words to use. Whether he should plead sanctuary or company. The likelihood of them saying no is slim but the chance of curiosity is certain.

"Mum, dad... I..." He pauses when their focus turns to him, eyes still full of silent grief. Both smile and wait expectantly for the rest of his sentence. He swallows and exhales shakily. "I want to ask if..." my friend can live with us? They'll ask why. Why? Because he's a nomad spirit currently sleeping in a park. "Uhm, about... R– Jungkook." Heat blazes against his cheeks when his mother starts to smile. "Can he stay here? For... for a bit. Not forever. Or maybe... No. Temporarily." Minsik chuckles fondly as he watches the boy begin to spiral with his words.

"I've never seen you so flustered little tiger." Taehyung's cheeks puff up and his chin drops to his chest, a futile attempt to hide his true colour; which is currently a flaming red. "How long were you thinking?" Minsik flicks an inquisitive glance toward his wife who looks relatively unphased by the emotional response.

"A few months?" His eyebrow crooks up at the lengthy suggestion, mouthing a 'what?' to Eunju who has been silent up until now.

"Where is he staying right now?" She speaks up with her own questioning, a yes already in the queue. But there's mystery here that she wants to unravel. Her son peeks up to see her grin and his lips pull tight.

"Um, he's between houses. His family had to move away and he couldn't go with them." Stammers out Taehyung surprisingly firmly.

"Where would he stay?"

"My room on the mattress. Or on the couch down here."

"Let your dad and I discuss it. We'll let you know." It's a sight to watch their son suppress an unseen giddiness as he thanks them both and disappears from the table. Once gone Minsik turns back to her with a pout.

"What do you know that I don't?"

"I think Jungkook is his boyfriend." His jaw drops in the most cartoonish way. A sight that makes Eunju chuckle. "I'm not sure though. When I asked the boy he was pretty vague but he didn't say no."

"Well that adds a layer of complexity to this then. Why do you look so confident?" She picks up their plates and begins to clean up as she talks,

"Because he's forming relationships. If the only place he feels safe is this house, how can we expect him to maintain relationships outside of it? Jungkook staying here would be complex, yes, but it could also be sweet."

"And if we need to set boundaries?" She rolls her eyes at her husband's panicked tone.

"For once I'm the cool parent..." She tsks with a laugh. "Then we'll set boundaries. The boy practically lives here anyway."

"True. Do we... do we need to have a talk?"

"Oh my god Min, you're so red."

"What?! It's just something we never expected!" She flicks his chin as she passes with a soapy plate, pecking his nose to make him pout more; like a spitting image of their dear son.

"You're the man. Ask him what he knows already. He might be housebound but he's got the internet." Minsik groans and buries his face into his hands.

"You're evil." Her smile does him no favours. It's one that says, 'You're not getting out of this'.

"Well maybe not right now but you know, relationships can–"

"We're not in a relationship! And I don't want to have sex! What the fuck dad?!" He kicks at where his parent sits on the edge of his bed, hoping it'll scare the man away. "Please don't make me have this conversation with you."

"Well it's me or your mother." He groans and curls up tighter whilst shoving his hands over his ears.

"Nope. No. Absolutely not!"

"If we don't have this conversation, Jungkook can't stay." Such an ultimatum stills his tantrum, shoulders sagging into the uncomfortable stalemate.

"That's not fair."

"It's perfectly fair. I know you're uncomfortable but Tae we want you to have the right information. Have you ever read or watched anyth–" Taehyung groans louder to try and block out the words.

"Bury me now." He slides his back down his headboard until he's flat on his back and staring into the dark abyss of his duvet. He can hear his dad's breath as he waits. This is NOT how he wanted this to go. The depths he will swim to for that ridiculously cute spirit... "Fine. I'm listening."

"Wow you're extra grumpy."

"You can stay here." Taehyung mumbles into his blankets, tilting his head so one eye is free to watch Rain coo over his dog. He mustn't've heard. "Rain. You can live here." This time he does. Clear in the way his head snaps up with eyes so wide his irises could fill the sky.

"Really?!"

"Yes. And my parents think I'm in love with you." He adds nonchalantly, rolling over to a position that doesn't put pressure on his chest.

"Uhhh what?" Five seconds later the spirit appears above him, eyebrows knitted. "Are you?" Is his next question. A strange progression.

"What? No!" Rain pouts.

"Why not?"

"What is happening right now..." Taehyung mutters beneath his breath before he speaks up, "Because I only just met you. And... and because I don't."

"You hesitated." Teases Rain with a smirk, dog disappearing from his arms as he jumps up onto the bed. It sends a wobble through Taehyung's body. One that perfectly accompanies the jelly like feeling of his insides as he processes the question. Why not? Maybe the reason he can't find an answer is because the first part wasn't entirely true. "Can I tell you something?" Whispers the spirit into a proximity that startles him. As Rain opens his mouth to confess his own thoughts a bellowing crack of thunder sends a shake through his bones. It takes him off guard, not expecting a storm today. Clearly Taehyung wasn't either because every limb snaps stiff and his irises shatter with terror.

"What did you do?" He hisses accusingly, pulling further into a protective ball. Ten seconds go by and a flash of light is seen from the window. That's the boy's breaking point. He tries to run for his hiding spot but is stuck in the folds of his blanket. Rain reaches out to grab his hand. "No no no, I can't do this right now."

"I'm not stopping you. I just want to come with you." There's the slightest nod of acknowledgement before he slips away, Rain following behind. The wardrobe isn't the most comfortable space for two people but it does mean Rain gets to curl up in his human's lap and hug him tight. It's hard to get the boy's attention, head down and eyes tightly shut. "I didn't know this was coming."

"Why can't you make it stop?" His words come between winces as the rain hits and another echo of thunder strikes. Rain reaches up to pat his hair, brushing it away from his face so he can begin to gently circle the boy's temples with his thumbs.

"That's not how spirits work." If it was this would all be easier. He'd make it never rain again just so Taehyung would never have to worry. But that's exactly why it shouldn't work that way. Spirits may not be human but they're fickle like one. "I can't make it start or end whenever I want, that would be chaos." Logically it makes sense, but Taehyung isn't in the most logical state of mind right now.

"I want it to stop." He shudders under the gentle touch.

"Can you look at me?" Even if he's afraid he does it without second guessing. Lightning fractals flicker within Rain's irises. Except it isn't frightening or loud, it's beautiful. With a storm so close, Taehyung has never felt safer. Everything else disappears and he lets go of the tightness in his chest. Because Rain is there to hold him up.

The thunder slows it frequency over time. When it comes to a stop neither move, Rain finds himself drifting into a dreamscape with the arms keeping him close and the chest he's using as a pillow. He can feel each breath like they're his own, despite being shallower and inconsistent. He dreams of a time where he and his human twirl in the empty streets as water cascades around them. Lights refracting off the untouched puddles ready to be jumped in. The smile that Taehyung gives him full of life and love. "One day will you dance with me? Before you go?" He whispers into that dream, not realising he also says it aloud.

Taehyung feels the spirit slip into sleep, body getting heavier and fingers falling away from his hair. He hears the accidental plea and it pulls at the pit in his stomach. He can't stop himself from kissing Rain's cheek, lingering on the warmth that radiates from the inhumanly human body.

"I promise." Whispers back the human in Rain's dream. Each word settling like a hearth in his chest, melting the worries inside.

He lays in the silence and tries to fall asleep again. Instead he's kept awake by the incessant vibrations of Taehyung's phone. After awhile it gets annoying and he can't help picking up the device curiously. When it turns on there's a dozen notifications from the groupchat of their new friends. With a smile he unlocks the phone, courtesy of Taehyung's thumb, and begins to type with a tongue between his teeth.

Tae: Hi! I'm Rain! Can you come visit Tae?

Moni: Rain? On Tae's phone? Y'all attached at the hip or something?

Rain giggles and looks down at their predictable proximity, attention pulling back to the device when another buzz spreads to his fingertips.

Moon: RAIN!!! Give us an update! Tae went MIA

Tae: Just come visit. Meet us at this park.

He searches up the address and pastes it in the chat, then he locks the phone and puts it back in the owner's pocket. As the vibrations continue he can't help grinning giddily, nestling his head back against Taehyung's shoulder.

"I was gonna say I love you earlier." He whispers to the sleeping human. "Maybe I did make that thunder. Because I want you to love me too. But instead I scared you. One day I hope you can tell me." There's no response. That's easier right now.

So when he wakes up to the spirit announcing a trip to the park he goes with it. Together they stroll down the familiar path, Taehyung dressed in lighter clothes that still hold their earthy tones. Rain still in his typical white linen that floats along with every prance in his step.

The gate to the park comes into view and Rain starts to get jittery, bouncing around the other like a joey. It gets to a point where Taehyung has to grab his hand to keep him from bumping into a passing family.

"Geez did my mum give you caffeine this morning?"

"Hah! No! I have a surprise!" And he's off again, sprinting into the grass area where a group has set up a picnic blanket. Taehyung wanders along behind him with a wary stare, hand tightening around his cane as he contemplates running to stop him from interrupting the group. However he realises very quickly that he doesn't need to because one of them turns around with a grin just as wide as the spirit's.

"Tae!!!!!!" Calls Seokjin shrilly, arms waving him over with an excitement only matched by the pink haired boy standing next to him with an impatient bounce.

"I did a thing!" He gestures to the five like it's a big reveal. All Taehyung can think in that moment is that captivating truth: I love you.

Chapter Text

Why does life feel brighter now that Taehyung has given up on it? It's like he's let go of the weight and is beginning to float away, seeing beyond the fence line and into the expansive horizon. Instead of clinics he's seeing friends. Instead of medication he's eating strawberries and home made cupcakes that taste like pure sugar.

Without skipping a beat he's pulled into the exciting world of his lively friends, arms wrapping around shoulders and cheeks tightening into a grin. They tell stories of their road trips around the area, describing vast forests and vibrant bars that had the best liquor. Taehyung doesn't know how to match their stories. All he has is his bold decision. The one that makes everyone so sad.

"Why'd it take Rain stealing your phone to see you???? We had so many good memes we sent for you. See, look at this one," Jimin shoves his phone forward and begins scrolling through his gallery to show the out of context images of people and animals with strange expressions and even stranger captions. Guilt sits in Taehyung's throat as he tries to think of how to explain why he stopped responding. It's easier if I'm not attached.

"Tell 'em, Tae. They won't judge." Murmurs Rain against his hair, startling Taehyung from the focus on the five. How had he not realised how close the spirit was? Everyone looks at him with expectant curiosity. Eyes begging to know the story.

"Can we make a list of new things to do together?" He begins softly, tugging at the earthly bracelet that hasn't left his wrist. "Because I want to do as much living as I can, no more surviving." He takes a breath, "I'm stopping treatment."

"Oh." Murmurs Namjoon quietly, fixated on the boy as he fidgets. "You seem happier." He notes curiously. It surprises them all when Taehyung nods and almost smiles.

"I know it makes no sense, and I know instinctively you want to be sad. But can you help me? Show me places and bring me on your adventures?"

"And me too." Hums Rain keenly, hand slipping into his human's to seek the comfort that settles his own pain. "The adventure of a lifetime." Taehyung chuckles and agrees with a quiet voice. He searches their companions' faces, recognising the masked sadness that will be inevitable. Despute its presence, none of them show it openly. It's Yoongi who is the first to put on a brave face and reach for a notepad in his bag.

"Well. Where do you want to start? I've got some ideas." At the top of the page he writes, 'Tae's Adventure' and underlines it with a bold stroke of his pen. The other's begin to blurt out ideas: places, cuisines and experiences. A soft pressure squeezes at Taehyung's hand and he feels the faintest warmth on his nape as Rain settles in close.

Rain can't hold in his giggles that erupt as he watches the reclusive human practically skip home, body filled with positively restless energy that outshines even the spirit's own.

When he rushes in the door with fervour it startles his parents who are set up in their home offices. Minsik comes running out with concern when he hears the door slam open, expecting panic or pain. Instead he sees Taehyung flattening a piece of paper on the table and beginning to scrawl on a second one.

"Tae?" The boy whips his head around with a grin brighter than any he's ever witnessed.

"Dad can I go?!" The elder walks over with a sceptical hope, peering over to see the list. Museums, farms, boat trips... Things that would be done over a lifetime, all condensed into the finite time ahead.

"All of it?" He whispers out uncertainly, biting his lip when that smile begins to falter. "What I mean is... it's a lot to do at once."

"Not all at once but over the next year? My friends could take me, they have a van. We could stay with them." The commotion draws Eunju out too and she immediately notices the stiffness of her husband's posture. Her hand comes up to rest on his shoulder as she takes in the situation.

"Honey you will start to get weaker once you stop your meds. How will you keep yourself safe?"

"I don't care about that. I just want to do whatever I can." Desperation has taken hold of Taehyung, fists clenched against the tabletop.

"If... If you have attacks, what will your friends do? Do they know first aid?" He huffs and turns away, light extinguished.

"That shouldn't matter."

"I know it shouldn't, but Tae, it does." His eyes flicker across the room to where his spirit is standing quietly by the doorway, watching with nervous glances as the three fire at eachother. In his human's eyes is a plead like no other. One that begs for a saviour to set him free.

"I can do it." Announces Rain into the confusion. It's a lie. If Taehyung goes under, he does too. He's a fool to even suggest it but he can't resist that stare.

"You know first aid?" Asks Eunju with a surprised lilt in her voice. He nods timidly, because he does, theoretically. At least that parts not a lie.

"I made a promise to keep him safe. I won't let you down." Minsik's cheeks soften at the sweet offering.

"Let's make a plan tomorrow, is that okay Tae? We can work all this out together. For now, just enjoy what you can." He hugs his son loosely before leaving the two. Something strong is still trapped in Taehyung's throat and he doesnt know how to express it so he turns and disappears up the stairs, door slamming shut a few seconds later. Rain turns to follow but is held back by a hand that lands on his shoulder.

"How do you do it?" Whispers a fragile voice, eyes fluttering up to see the emotional storm held within Eunju's eyes. "Why does he trust you but not us?" She sounds hurt but Rain can see it's not from ill will or anger but insecurity. He smiles and replies warmly,

"Tae loves you both. He's scared to disappoint you." She nods and lowers her head in shame.

"All we want is for him to be happy. But it feels like everything I say makes it worse."

"I've never seen you worsen things." Rain replies earnestly, trying to give her a reassuring smile despite his split attention on the path upstairs. The edge of the human unsettling his own mood. "Every time Tae asks you for something you drop everything to give it. Maybe that's why he worries about asking for such big things because he knows you would never say no." She still looks lost but Eunju releases his shoulder and curls her arms over her chest. She nods a gesture to the staircase as she whispers,

"Go, we'll talk more tomorrow." Without a second glance he scrambles up the stairs and twists the door open to see Taehyung buried beneath his blanket in the dark. He doesn't move much except for slow rising with each breath, steady enough to indicate he isn't crying. Each step Rain takes is uncertain, wondering if the boy is hiding from him.

"Tae?" He whispers into the dark, stopping by the bed side. All he receives in response is a huff. "Are you upset with me?" He enquires further. Beneath the blanket he sees a vague shake. "Can we talk? You were so happy before."

"Am I making a mistake?" Mumbles the human, barely coherent beneath the fabric. Rain tries to get closer, dropping down beside the bed and resting his chin on the mattress so he's level with the other.

"What do you mean?" Taehyung shifts and peeks his head out to meet the other's curious gaze that he adores. There's something solemn in the spirit's eyes, a storm happening above the clouds.

"What if mum's right? What if the second I try to do this my body fails me and I end up dead on a farm somewhere."

"Well that's dramatic."

"But it's not. I could die, Rain. I don't want the other's to have to witness that."

"This is the exact thinking that has kept you trapped in survival for so long." Argues Rain boldly. "They know the risks and they want you to join them. I want you to join them. Us. Us to join them. There's six of us ready to fight for you Tae, don't let your mind stop you now." He reaches out to cup his human's cheek, thumb smoothing over his skin that's flushed a peachy pink. "This is what friends do, Tae. They look after eachother." It's exceptionally ironic as he says the platonic word how deeply he yearns to kiss the boy. It takes biting his lip to keep himself still.

Of course Taehyung notices. He's come to know the spirit like eons have passed since their first meeting. Time no longer relevant when in Rain's presence. Watching the spirit's eyes go so wide and his lips practically tremble softens the rest of Taehyung's sorrow. He takes the hand warm against his skin and tugs the attached body closer until Rain collapses on top of him.

"Once you asked me what love was." He reminisces with a growing knot in his throat. As long as he stares into the beautiful storm he can do this. "I didn't really answer..." Rain giggles and nods, nose dropping to the other's. His breath is sugary sweet and his hands are so warm that Taehyung feels heat sinking into his own skin. "I think I know what it is now. It's warmth." With a push up from the bed he touches their lips together softly, an arm wrapping around his nape to keep him steady as Rain sinks down into the hearth of his heart. It starts soft, builds into something deeper and desperate, before dropping back to a gentle peck that keeps them close. Eyelids flutter open at the same time, followed by a spirited giggle that melts Taehyung's smile into a grin.

"Well then I feel warm." Rain says simply. A confession easier than any he will ever have to make. Whether his human feels the same is a risk he's going to take. The glimmer in Taehyung's eyes strengthens his hope. "Do you?" He asks daringly, so close that he barely makes a sound, a breath of a question that carries a weight no one could hold for very long.

Tingles of heat have found a home all over Taehyung's body, even his toes feel like they've been dipped in a hot spring. All Rain needs to do is touch him to know the answer. But Rain likes words. A voice is something he can't find, lost in the kiss that solidified that feeling so deeply that he fears the day he'll lose it.

"Yes." He mouths followed by a nod that's a little more comprehensible. Did I just do that? Did I say that? Do I love Rain? What does that even mean, he's not human. How can I love him? What–

"Stay away from that silly brain, it's making you worry." Rain's voice breaks through the noise, lips now on his forehead as he begins to pepper the surface with kisses that are soft and unserious. The hearth blazes in the dark room, cocooning the rain and earth in its tender blaze.

The following days are slow and quiet. Spent holding his human who can barely sleep through the tight pain in his chest. Waking to attacks of breathlessness that make him weep until Rain can soothe him back to rest. When the boy is finally able to sleep Rain spends the time making rain chimes for him, singing softly to keep the calm. Time floats away as he wraps them in a gentle thrum.

Love warms the room like a fire that only seems to grow. Contained yet wild in her dance between the two. Patience keeps them company too, tenderly holding space so that when the time comes Taehyung can reunite and begin his adventure of a lifetime.

Chapter Text

"Message me everyday. If you don't I'll be calling." Chants Eunju sternly with a grip tight on her son's shoulders. There he stands at the door, rugged up in his protective mask and leant against his cane that clacks up against the beaded chains that now dangle from it. A bag is slung over his back and a mini suitcase rests against his leg. There's an expansive glow in his eyes that displays the smile that would usually be hidden beneath fabric.

"I'll message you twice a day if I have to." Hums the twenty year old sweetly, not letting her pull away. Minsik stands to her side, muttering as he ticks off their list of what the boy will need.

"You got the new script? Can you pick it up on your way? We've rung ahead, they'll have it ready."

"Dad I'll be fine, Seokjin's got the address."

"Good. If you start taking it and you have a reaction you ha–"

"Call the nurse, I know! It's just a painkiller, stop worrying." Even when he starts to get sick of their coddling, he can't hide away from the simmering warmth inside as he watches the two fuss. "I'm going to be okay."

"We know, baby. It's just scary..." Eunju mutters as she hugs him tight one last time. "But exciting. Send lots of photos." Taehyung grins and unzips his bag to retrieve a small polaroid camera he'd purchased a few weeks ago after beginning to daydream about the journey.

"Will photos of photos suffice?" She chuckles and nods. Just as she pulls away a heavy bass starts to pulse outside, followed by the melodic call of a voice,

"Roadtrip!!!!!" Sings Hoseok out the window. When Taehyung turns he's met with the sight of the boy half out the side of a pastel blue van caked in stickers of stupid jokes and destination vinyls. His hair is swept back by a pair of yellow tinted sunglasses, teeth on full display with his infectious smile.

"Just a minute!" Calls Taehyung shrilly before he drops his bag and dashes as quickly as he can up the stairs to where he hears rustling in his room. "Rain, they're here." He calls through the door, uncertain what has been taking the spirit so long. When he gets no response he taps the door lightly open to peek inside. The pink haired boy is crouched on the floor, fist pressed to his mouth as he stares down at an array of different shoes. "What are you doing?" Chuckles Taehyung airily, flicking the light on to highlight the strange sight.

"Your dad said I needed different shoes." Huffs the spirit with a grump in his tone. "Said I'd get blisters."

"Well he's right. You need those." Taehyung points to a pair of black boots with silver buckles, sole thick and well built to support the extensive amount of walking they may have to do.

"Ew no!"

"Rain." Taehyung exclaims pointedly. "You're telling me you've been up here for an hour trying to pick shoes?"

"What?! I don't usually wear them!" Retorts Rain defensively, kicking at the boots the other had suggested. "They're ugly."

"They're practical."

"Screw practical. Mine have a pretty pattern." He tugs at his rain boots, caressing the cloud details on them. The silence makes him turn around to see Taehyung glaring him down impatiently. With a pout he tugs the rain boots off and reaches for the hiking boots instead. "You're mean."

"You're ankles will thank me."

It's hard for Hoseok to keep his giggles and awes under control when he looks into the back seat of the van to see their new companions curled up together with the occasional noises when either would shift or breathe funny. Taehyung has his arms glued to the other, cheek resting against his shoulder.

"They're adorable." He whispers to Jimin beside him, grabbing for his phone.

"Hey, don't wake them!" Seethes the blond boy beneath his breath. Hoseok hushes him and twists back around so he can get a picture of them. As he takes the photo Rain yawns and slumps further down into his seatbelt, making Taehyung's head slip from its support and loll down, snapping him awake with a soft inhale. He looks around blearily before landing his focus on the camera in the red head's hand. Hoseok gives a smile that feigns innocence, phone disappearing from sight.

"Mornin' sleepy head." Taehyung feels the warmth and pressure against where his skin touches another's and pulls away hastily, arms crossing over his chest as he tries to turn away and hide the pinkness in his cheeks. When his gaze flicks back to Hoseok the boy just winks and holds a finger to his lips.

Getting out of the van is its own kind of struggle, chairs folded over so that they can wiggle their way out of the back section. Rain holds Taehyung's wrist to guide them, tightening his grip when he nearly tumbles out onto the muddy grass below.

A familiar smell that sparks a memory hits his senses. Memories of life and death swirled into one. The scent of transitory lifespans and young life. The earth is soft and welcomes him with ease, reminding him of the times he spent helping these farmers from afar.

Now he's here to witness their growth, their work and their kindness. An older lady welcomes them with a keen wave and a booming voice.

"Hi!" He calls excitedly, rushing up to the lady and before he can think about the human thing to do he's wrapping his arms around her in a hug. "You're amazing!" When her muscles tense beneath him is when he remembers the body he's in. He tears himself away quicker than he's ever moved, eyes wide in mortified panic. "I... Sorry!!!" He squeaks, stumbling back until he collides with someone else. The warmth is familiar and he tries to relax into it. "Sorry." He repeats quieter, unable to meet the lady's eyes. Her response surprises him,

"What a kind young boy." She says with a light tone whilst she reaches out with a hand waiting to be shaken. "My name's Hiyori. Welcome to Anseong Farmland, you must be my next tour group." Rain stares like he's meeting an idol, the sight of the spirit completely speechless making Taehyung chuckle.

"I'm Taehyung. This is Jungkook." He speaks up more confidently than he'd expected, holding out a gloved hand to return the handshake.

"All rugged up for a sunny day? We promise we don't bite." She jokes lightly whilst turning to greet the others.

"Do you have alpacas?" Seokjin asks eagerly upon greeting her, glancing out to the paddocks.

"We sure do! We've got all the usual farm animals, plus a small petting zoo that has some rabbits, ducks, guinea pigs and baby pigs."

"BABY PIGS?!" Shrieks Jimin, jumping to the front with an energetic shake to her hand. "Take me!"

"Love the enthusiasm from you all! We're going to head down to the first paddock for an introduction, then we can start to explore. Follow me." The crew begin to trail along behind her with excited murmurs. Taehyung remains still, judging the spirit still frozen in front of him.

"You good?" He checks through a hearty laugh.

"I met the farmer..." Whispers Rain in disbelief, sounding like a citizen who had passed by a celebrity on the street.

"Uh yeah, my city was filled with farmers, you didn't meet any there?"

"Tae I grew this farm!" Rain keens with a bounce as he spins himself around to take it all in. "Oh shoot we need to catch up." He snaps when he lands on the distanced group. 

"Didn't you grow every farm?" Whispers the human to himself as he trails behind with a warm smile. Taehyung will never tire of the awe he feels watching the spirit experience all that he has touched in his existence. Though the specificity begs the question: are there other rain spirits?

The regular farm animals are interesting, Taehyung loves watching the sheep and alpacas hoover up grass. Seeing the cows bounce across the paddock brings a boisterous laugh free that is echoed in his company. Even the dogs are adorable, trekking circles around the fields with boundless energy.

But nothing matches the utter adoration that overwhelms his senses when they finally arrive at the petting zoo. It's a fenced off area big enough for no more than ten people. Spread out across the space are myriads of creatures, some fluffy other's feathery. Taehyung has seen them all before but never in person. The closest he ever got to a rabbit was when he went to pick out his puppy and they happened to have some rabbits in a nearby section.

Jittery excitement bounces up his legs as he steps into the pen. Ducks circle his feet with expectant gazes that hold a mischief in them. The chickens run around wild, taking Namjoon through every ohstacle as he tries to corner one.

The rabbits are all huddled up, munching on fresh looking hay as their noses twitch and eyes stare widely. Taehyung drops to his knees carefully, reaching out for a small black one that sits closer to the front of the fluff pile. He leaves his hand there for a few seconds so the animal can get his scent. When it doesn't try to run away is when Taehyung reaches out and scoops the ball into his arms. The sensation of each fine silken hair smoothing across his fingertips has him melting to the ground, knees tucking to his chest so that he can cradle the creature close. Every twitch of the rabbits nose has his own crinkling up in awe. It feels unreal. How can such a sweet creature exist in this world?

He looks up to see where his friends are at, many having also settled with a different kind of animal. When he catches the eyes of Yoongi he can't help blurting out all the thoughts swirling in his head. Like the sight of a human brings his pen to paper.

"I can't deal with this, this is the cutest idea ever!" The other gleams back.

"Right? I want to live here."

"I second that!" Jimin cheers from his corner where he holds a mini pig that wriggles energetically; perfectly matching the boy.

"I've never seen any of these animals before." Admits Taehyung softly, nose dropping to feel the rabbit's whiskers against his face. The ticklish sensation makes him giggle. "Best beginning to an adventure ever." He mutters quietly so only the creature can here.

Like that he stays, other animals passing by that he can reach out to pet, but never letting go of the little rabbit. From afar keen eyes watch, a dumb smile etched into his cheeks. Rain can't help adoring his human in every situation, but especially this one. There's a peace that has washed over Taehyung, enough that he even begins to doze off. Rain has made the rounds to every animal, now he sits by the gate with a chicken pecking at his boots whilst he watches his favourite creature.

It surprises him when one of their new friends comes to sit by his side, stretching out with his back against the fence. Namjoon flashes him a warm smile that Rain instinctively returns, inspecting the curious features of the new human. Despite being friendly and bubbly, Rain has never properly spoken to any other human one-on-one except for Taehyung and his mother.

For awhile it's quiet and they sit in silence. Rain wonders why the other decided to come so close. He wants to talk but he worries he will mess up and say something wrong. If he does it could ruin Taehyung's only chance at seeing the world.

"So..." Speaks up Namjoon eventually, tapping on his knees rhythmically. "How'd you guys meet?" It's a simple question with an awkward answer. Just the thought makes Rain flush. "Ohhh now you gotta tell me." Insists Namjoon upon noticing the reaction.

"I... well..." Stammers the spirit bashfully, fingers digging into a spot behind his ear as he contemplates lying. Historically that strategy hasn't seemed to end well. "I climbed up onto his balcony and annoyed him until we became friends." He explains with a mortified simper, glancing across to the sleeping human. "Guess it worked." The new human's laugh settles his insides. A sound that's genuine and kind, and a face that matches when he returns to face him.

"Well if it works it works. How could anyone resist you? You're the sweetest." Namjoon comments nonchalantly whilst he reaches out to try and intercept a curious guinea pig. "He seems really lucky to have you, Rain." The spirit doesn't know how to respond to that, voice swept away by the wind that used to mock him. Now it seems to push him further into this complex social commitment. "How are you feeling about..." Namjoon begins the question then hastily trails off, biting at his lip to hold the rest of the sentence. There's a brewing look of sympathy behind his eyes that completes the sentence for Rain. How are you feeling about losing him?

"I–" It suddenly hurts to speak, something sharp jabbing at the inside of his throat. All the emotion hits him like a harsh wave of terror. It's not the loss of his human he worries about, that's something he won't have to witness. It's the fear of everything ending. It was all so perfect. A utopia where he could save this human and love him too. Why does he have to die?

When will he tell Taehyung the truth? Does he ever have to? Perhaps not. Yet it doesn't reduce the ache. Instead it amplifies it until that succumbing feeling of tears starts to build up. Last time he thought he was drowning. "I don't–" Rain tries but it all crumbles away until all he can hear is his heart screaming at him, pleading to stop this torturous facade. He feels a hand on his arm and the gurgling of a voice but he's underwater now.

It's all going to end.

Breaths turn to hurricanes, each inhale jagged and painful. The sky above, once clear blue, begins to feed off his fear, attracting cloud spirits who laugh at him. The rain high above fights back at them until they're angry and grey, darkening the sun's hopeful rays. "No no no no no no no no..." Rain cries, palms pulling at the skin on his neck as he tries to suppress the panic. "Don't ruin it!" He snarls to himself, choking on the tears that have already spilled across his cheeks.

"Rain. Rain please–" Namjoon's voice breaks through and it's filled with apologetic worry. The spirit is beyond help.

It's not the voices or the sudden movement around that wakes Taehyung. It's when the first drop of rain hits his skin, shutting down any wishful dream as he jumps back into reality with a gasp. Panic rises in his throat. This wasn't supposed to happen today. Then he hears the cries. They're barely audible above the sounds of scuffling feet and animals scurrying for shelter. But Taehyung locks in on it, eyes snapping to where Rain is surrounded by his friends who try desperately to calm him.

Taehyung doesn't think about the impending storm, instead he rushes to his spirit, shoving the closest body to the side so he can replace them.

"Rain." He calls, hoping to retrieve the spirit's wandering mind. It doesn't work. So he tugs Rain closer until they're pressed close, foreheads colliding. Nothing else matters but calming Rain down, so Taehyung gently kisses at his skin, whispering his name like a reverse siren call hoping to pull the boy back to the shore. "Rain. It's going to be okay." He whispers with a plead in his tone, knowing the only thing that can break his spirit's mind like this is himself. "I'm right here, Rain. Please don't cry." All the eyes on them are irrelevant in this moment; though the back of Taehyung's mind screams hysterically to cool it with the affection.

By the time the rain begins to subside, Taehyung's hair has flattened across his forehead, strands trickling droplets down the bridge of his nose. He holds Rain as close as he can, whispering against his ear until he feels the hug finally be reciprocated. "I love you, Rain. I'm not going anywhere."

Chapter Text

It's a quiet ride to their accomodation. No one knows what to say to the silent spirit in the back-seat; especially Taehyung. It feels like the boy is shutting him out. Rain has devoted his entire human life to making him happy and yet the moment the spirit breaks down he feels helpless. Why can't he help too? Deep down the worry stems from a fear that one day Rain will disconnect from him. A creature that has lived so long couldn't possibly stay in one place forever, right? A part of Taehyung hopes he won't be around to witness that. All he can do is hold their hands together and keep his skin warm.

Please don't go away Rain.

The villa has wide floor to ceiling windows that welcome them upon pulling up to the entrance. Lit up by strings of fairy lights that hang from the eeves and the trees. They bustle out of the van and treck all their luggage inside. Despite trying to be helpful Taehyung can't keep his attention away from the quiet spirit. Whilst the rain has stopped, the clouds never left.

There are four rooms with two beds in each. Some energy returns to Taehyung when they all sit down on the couch together and discuss how they want to pick out rooms. Jimin suggests a game whilst Yoongi prefers something more devoted to chance. It's a back and forth argument over something so fickle but the commitment each of them put in makes it feel so important. Eventually they decide on pulling papers, writing out two of each number before folding them up in a hat.

Each of them take turns picking out of it, buzzing excitably. Seokjin cheers when he gets the master bedroom that has a connected ensuite, followed by Hoseok's disgruntled huff when he pulls the same number as Namjoon who smiles sheepishly. The hat arrives in Taehyung's lap before he can process it. Expectant eyes watch keenly. Next thinf he feels is nails digging into his palm. When he looks over Rain is staring up at him with a self-conscious panic. Don't leave me. Taehyung bites his lip and squeezes his hand back, turning to explain quietly,

"I know it ruins the fun but can Rain and I share a room? I have separation anxiety." Even though it's technically true, none of them would believe he's the one with the separation issues considering how close Rain has curled up to him. It's like they've switched bodies.

"Of course. Moon, give them the master bedroom. Tae probably needs the extra space." Says Jimin calmly as he reaches a hand out to pat Taehyung's knee. Seokjin stares with puppy eyes that pool with betrayal. Though it lasts no longer than a few seconds before he nods in agreement.

"Newbies get the best room, it's definitely a rule. Is anyone hungry? Can I have four of you to help me with dinner?" There's an undertone of command in his voice whilst he locks eyes with Taehyung. The other's mutter confusion around the need for so many people in the kitchen. When the eldest clears his throat they all stop arguing and scurry out of the room. Leaving Taehyung and Rain on their own.

That same chilling feeling Taehyung felt when the spirit broke down last time has been crawling through his fingertips. Like Rain had been plunged into an ice bath. Why won't he talk? Taehyung looks down upon his curled up body, fingers scooping up his fringe to tuck it behind his ears.

"What's happening?" He asks softly, shivering from the icy touch. "Why are you so cold?" Unsurprisingly, Rain doesn't answer. His chin remains tucked to his chest and his nails stay clenched into skin. "Rain please... You're worrying me." Rain breathes out shallowly, shaking his head against the embrace.

"Don't." He insists. "Don't worry about me."

"That's not how this works. If you can worry, so can I." The answer frustrates Rain despite how ironic it must seem. Even now he's stuck inside his head, trying to shove away the dooming thoughts of emptiness. "Rain." Repeats Taehyung solemnly, this time much firmer when he lifts his spirit's chin. "Namjoon told me what he asked you. But we've talked about that."

"It... it doesn't change how I feel." Rain whispers, trying to suppress the burning in his throat as he swallows. "Every time I see you happy it's all I can think about."

"You're torturing yourself. What good does that do anyone? This whole adventure was so we could forget all that." Rain nods and keeps silent, unfocused eyes gazing out the window into the speckles of warm white light. Like this they look like fireflies, swaying in the window to a silent waltz. If he had stayed a spirit he could've watched them forever. All those days he could spend observing the world under a microscope so that he never had to see how dull it could be from within. Now in it, he worries he's made a mistake. "Hey," Comes Taehyung's gentle voice from behind him. He blinks and looks back to see his human staring fondly. "You zoned out."

"I..." I can't do this. But it's too late for that now. There's no back stepping into simplicity. "I'm tired." Spirit's have no need to lie, so he's never quite grasped its expertise. The way his lips still pull low and his eyes glass over tell the real truth. When he tries to stand up he feels a warm hand twist around his wrist, pulling him back.

"Why are you hiding things from me?" He can't bear to look at his human's face so he tries his best to hide. It's impossible to bring his arms over his face when Taehyung's grip keeps him rigid. The pillow he tries to bury himself beneath is torn away from him suddenly. "Rain!"

"Stop it!" He snaps with a sharp and unexpected anger in his voice, stilling the other. "Let go of me." Every bit of warmth disappears from his skin and he sinks deeper into the cold sorrow. All he wants is to bury himself in the warmth, why is his voice saying the opposite?

"I don't understand..." Mutters Taehyung with his own brand of hurt, nails already picking at nails as his brain quietly tries to fill in the blanks.

"Stop... please. I'm not ready to tell you." It just keeps getting colder and Rain can feel the rumbling of that anger he hates. He's never been a spirit that likes storms. They have their beauty and purpose but they could never compete with the way rain glitters in a sunny spill.

When he peeks over at his human he sees a guilty frown, eyes cast down in shame. Why does he have to push so hard? "I might not be human but I still have feelings that make this difficult. I'm not used to it and... and I need time." When it becomes too much to see the other's dismay he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to slow his breathing down.

He sits for awhile in the silence and stillness until heat brushes against his fingertips in a voiceless request for reciprocation. Who is he to deny it? The second he returns the gesture Taehyung's arms wrap around his torso and pull him closer. The stark contrast of temperature hitting Rain with every emotion at once. So he begins to cry, body shaking with each sniffle against the warm body. "I'm sorry." He whimpers between staggered sobs, holding onto his human for a life he can't get back.

"Hey, don't say sorry," Taehyung murmurs against his skin, tracing the icy surface with soft lines that leave blazing trails. "You are right, I shouldn't push you like that. Everyone is allowed to have secrets. I just... I love you and that means I get scared when you are upset." With a gentle peck to the spirit's forehead he whispers, "I'll wait. You don't even have to tell me. Please just know that I'll love you regardless."

The kitchen is filled with boisterous conversation. A flurry of instructional support, banter and snapping when someone doesn't pick up the slack. Taehyung feels his shoulders soften. It puts his heart at ease, soothing that ache beneath his palm. When Namjoon notices him from the bar stool he waves him over invitingly.

"Hiiii come join! Where's Rain?"

"He's resting." He explains shortly as he takes the seat beside the boy, cheeks pulling into a smile when Namjoon slings an arm over his shoulder. "It's been a weird month."

"Can't even imagine. I'm not gonna let my curiosity take over again." Taehyung chuckles as he shakes his head and gives an airy reply,

"No it's okay. Typically Rain loves to be curious. I think this is a big adjustment that has taken a lot of his energy. But when he's feeling better, he'd love your questions."

"Noted. And you? Curiosity or no curiosity?" Having spent four months fighting Rain's curious nature, it feels ironic to lean into the feeling. But the closest he's ever gotten to a friend group like this is a discord channel of fourteen year olds. Maybe it's time for him to let the curiosity bite.

"Hit me."

"When you told us, my first observation was how much happier you seemed. Even now, it feels like you've let go of something." A clang briefly distracts them both, looking up to see Hoseok frozen with his palms over his ears as a pan lid clatters on the floor. Yoongi rolls his eyes and picks it up to wash. Instead of dwelling on it, Hoseok jumps swiftly into another task, washing vegetables to pass along to where Jimin is cutting them.

"I have never really feared death," He begins softly, letting his eyes unfocus so that the chaos becomes ribbons of colour floating around him. "I think I am more afraid of how death affects others. When I die I won't feel anything. But I always had this guilt, wondering what it would do to my parents. So I did everything to avoid it." He brings his hand back to his chest and closes his eyes. The rhythm he feels is slow, glazed over by the spacey feeling of a strong painkiller that will make the reduction of his blockers easier.

"Does it hurt?" Asks his company with care. It feels nice to be able to shake his head and mean it.

"It feels insignificant." He admits with a smile. "I don't want it to control me anymore."

"Well then I won't tell you to follow your heart anytime soon." Quips Namjoon with a chuckle, squeezing the boy's shoulder. "Glad you're here. Fair warning, after dinner we usually do a card game and it gets a bit mental."

"I've got some experience with hectic card games." Mutters Taehyung with a coy smile as he thinks about his spirit's sweet insistence to play them so often. He hopes the pink ball of energy will return to join in.

They get through two rounds before curious eyes peek out from the door down the hallway. Rain hears the chaotic layering of voices, followed by the shrill cry of 'Uno!' then by even more desperate screams. Even if he's sulking, he can't resist the enticing atmosphere. For the next round he stands by the doorway quietly, watching the six exchange heatless insults. In amongst them is his human, bright eyed and bold in the way he jabs at the other's with witty remarks. At one point he and Jimin start bickering about who has the best victory pose, then both proceed to pull the silliest poses they can think of until those beside them have to pull them back to focus on the game itself. Taehyung slumps back onto the couch in a fit of giggles, cards completely lost in his lap.

As he's trying to pull himself together he spots the spirit lingering in his peripheral. A light bursts in his eyes, pleading quietly for him to join. The diverted attention soon spreads until everyone is beckoning Rain closer. The spirit shuffles around and climbs across the back of the couch so that he can squeeze in beside Seokjin and Taehyung, head instinctively resting on his human's shoulder. Taehyung's arm slinks around his waist, a subconscious habit, pulling the other as close as he can physically be.

"Join my team, we are gonna win."

"With what cards?" Rain wonders earnestly, though it must come across as a teasing dig with his blunt tone. Taehyung can tell from his bright doe eyes, that swim with a rainbow that signals the end of a dark day, that he means it. Nobody else exists when he stares into that storm, rain smothering everything else in a haze. He can't help it. Seeing the glimmer after such a tense fight overwhelms him. Something bold takes ahold of him and he is crashing his lips to the spirit's before he can think about what it means. Rain muffles a gasp, eyes getting impossibly wider before he melts into the heat.

A chorus of supportive whoops echo in the background but Taehyung can't think about anything else. His palms cradle Rain's cheeks as he feels the spirit's arms lock around his neck, pressing forward until he crashes into the other person beside him. That jolts them back into reality, head whipping around to see Yoongi biting back a smirk.

"Finally!" Shouts Jimin from across the circle. "It's been killing me trying not to say anything. Y'all are so obvious." Rain collapses to his human's chest, burying his face to hide the burning of his cheeks. Taehyung's fingers sink into the silky pink of his hair as he faces the crowd.

"We were never hiding it." He replies with a sheepish pout. "It's kinda... new."

"It's been over a month," Mumbles Rain against his skin.

"Are you keeping count?"

"Mhmm." Taehyung rolls his eyes.

"Of course you are."

"Cute. But I was about to win this game so can we get back to it?" Seokjin insists with a tone that lacks the seriousness he was attempting. The flushed couple nod and collect their forgotten cards, attempting to pull themselves together. Hand-in-hand they face the night, unafraid of the future that looms.

Chapter Text

Mornings are a unique kind of beauty. Held within the small corner of emptiness right before the chaotic rush of the world coming back to life. Yoongi finds comfort in that emptiness. When the air is still a little cold and the fauna has yet to wake. The place they are staying has a cute little patio out the back that looks out upon a valley with mountains either side.

He tip toes around the house with one headphone in, listening to a new mix of African jazz that an online friend had recommended for him. Instead of using the fancy coffee machine, that would sound like a rocket in the void of space, he pulls out a French press and uses the coffee ground they bought to brew his own. He hums along to a beat as he pours the coffee into a small mug, then holds it to his chest as he wanders out to the patio.

Expecting emptiness means he's not prepared for a quiet sneeze that hits the air. He yelps and nearly spills the fresh coffee all over himself, back pressing to the wall as he searches for the source. At the other end of the undercover area, curled up in a blanket and hunched over on a chair, is Taehyung. Who too was startled by the other's noise.

"Sorry." Whispers the boy through gritted teeth, notebook folding up between his fingers and pen clipping onto its cover. Yoongi takes a relieved breath, wandering over to take the neighbouring seat.

"How dare you not be completely silent." He scoffs with a sarcastic lilt, playful smile a telling indicator of his lightness. He takes a sip of his drink and faces the shared presence. "Why are you up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep." Hums Taehyung with a shrug, picking at the peeling faux leather on the outside of his book as he watches a small bird prance across the patio edge.

"Was it the mattress? Cause mine sucked. It was way too soft." He chuckles at the older's miffed expression and shakes his head. Then he brings a palm to his chest and taps it, a quiet motion of the real reason. Yoongi mouths a silent 'ah' as he registers the gesture. "Is it bad?"

"Could be worse." Taehyung admits, nails dragging across the tender surface that feels a strange kind of numb. "When I get a shock at night it takes a few hours for me to settle. With the painkillers it doesn't hurt as much, it's just uncomfortable." Speaking so openly about this feels familiar yet foreign all at once. He's probably spent three quarters of his life telling this story. But something feels different sharing it with a friend. Yoongi doesn't make any other comments around the topic, instead focusing on the view as the sky begins to lighten.

In the quiet Taehyung opens back to the page he was on, pen resting between his lips as he rereads what he's written.

"What are you writing?" Speaks up his company, focused eyes watching him when he lifts his head. Having someone else acknowledge his current project brings a warmth to his cheeks that burns in the cold air. When he turns away it only fuels the curiosity in Yoongi's mind.

"It's a poem." He explains bashfully. His company stays quiet but when he looks over Yoongi has one eyebrow raised like he's waiting for something. "It's... it's about an earth spirit and a rain spirit who collide at the horizon line."

"Well that explains the state of your face." Yoongi concludes with a chuckle. "Can I hear it?"

"It's not finished." That excuse clearly won't get him out of this. So he takes a breath and begins to read out the beginning,

"Parts of earth are dismal,
when mud paints shoes or rocks crack windows
Yet all rain sees is blissful,
upon rolling hills of green where the old tree grows

Without rain, earth is lost,
for he cannot build a life on his own
When they meet it feels like melting frost,
colliding upon the horizon that has become their home..." The last line comes out as a mumble, lip tucking between his teeth as he closes the book and brings it to his chest. "That's all I've got. I don't typically do rhymes..."

"Earth seems to love rain a lot." Yoongi replies in a suggestive manner, fabricated innocence spreading across his face. He keeps the rest unsaid, but just those simple words have Taehyung melting inside. Whether from embarrassment or adoration he cannot tell.

It takes a challenging path to arrive at something beautiful. Taehyung couldn't hate that truth anymore than right now. It's twenty minutes and they are now in the depths of a thick forest, humidity sticking to their skin. Hoseok leads at the front but Rain and Taehyung have fallen behind. In amongst the heat and the exertion, Taehyung's lungs have tried to force themselves closed. Even when he takes each step slow, all he can feel is the pulsing in his ears and throat. The cold air that clings to his nose burns as he tries to inhale deep enough to continue forward. When his friends offer to stop and go back he refuses. This is a journey he's not going to give up on halfway.

Even if the half hour track takes them an hour and a half, it's worth it when they turn that final corner and hear the rushing of water wash over them. They all come to a stop on the path in a paralysed awe. Above them is a waterfall that could challenge the trees around it. Streams break off around rocks before coming back together at the base where it bubbles into a teal lake.

"Worth it." Mumbles Taehyung to himself, though Rain must hear him because he feels a squeeze to his hand that has been glued to his cane. The wind washes away the focus on his body's sensations, pulling it to the mesmerising phenomenon. There's no one else around so they have the cove to themselves. Seokjin bolts for the lakes edge, shirt tugged over his head so that he can dive in. Hoseok and Jimin follow close behind whilst Yoongi and Namjoon help set up their picnic supplies. Rain keeps close to Taehyung's side as he sits on the cool rocks, eyelids fluttering closed to listen to the water roar.

"You okay?" He nods and squeezes his spirit's hand back.

"Go explore. I'll be okay." He tells the worried boy reassuringly. It takes a few gentle nudges for Rain to finally let go and turn toward the waterfall. Once it encompasses him he is drawn to it, watching the sparkling of the water where it is hit by the sun's rays. At the base droplets flurry in mist that fills the air with a tepidness unlike the surrounding forest. He watches the way the water flows and crashes, wondering if he has been with any of it before.

From the rocks Taehyung watches him with a soft smile, recognising that trance the spirit gets into when he senses a familiar essence. Part of him wonders if Rain and water spirits are related, or whether they are the same. His wonderings leave him staring distantly until he feels a cold grasp on his ankle that startles him back to earth.

"Jump in!!!!" Whines Hoseok pleadingly, other hand flicking some of the water up so that it showers his dry companion. "It's so soothing."

"I can't swim." Admits Taehyung shyly.

"You won't have to! It's not that deep and we're right here." It's true that the lake doesn't look deep. Even where Seokjin is in the centre the oldest stands with his chest above the water. They are similar heights too. "C'mon, you can hold my hand." After a few more moments of thought and a careful look at his friend's outstretched hand he reaches out to take hold. Together they plunge into the starkly cold water, sending a shiver up Taehyung's spine. Ever the overenthusiast, Hoseok pulls him a little too strongly and they both go tumbling beneath the surface. When Taehyung comes back up he's spluttering with hair plastered over his eyes.

"Seriously?!" Hoseok giggles and flicks more water at him.

"Gotcha!" How can he not smile when his friend is lit up with that much energy. Anchored to the other, Taehyung allows his body to loosen and feels his legs float to the surface, resting on his back so he can look up at the canopy. Sun brushes his cheeks with warmth whilst the water soothes his anxious body. He closes his eyes and let's himself be held by Hoseok's safe hand.

"Lunch!" Calls Jimin from their picnic set up. Containers filled with yesterday's leftovers are set out across the blanket with a few extra snacks like some chocolate and cheese. Slowly they all trickle from the lake until they're settled around the hearth of food. Taehyung keeps a special place by his side for Rain to sit in, though the spirit ends up in his lap regardless. "I want a photo, everybody look this way!" They all look over to where Jimin sits with his arm outstretched, grin bright in the foreground. They all wave, smile or pose, Rain waving a little too frantically for a photo.

"How are the spirits here?" Whispers Taehyung to his spirit as they're finishing up.  Rain's fingers twist in his hair, plaiting little bits just to let them come loose again. The mention of his identity bringing a shy smile to the boy's face.

"Don't talk about that here."

"They don't know what I mean. Besides, they can't hear me." Teases Taehyung with a pleading pout. "Are you and water spirits connected?"

"Hah, no." Rain scoffs like the question is outrageous.

"Well then enlighten me. What are water spirits like?"

"Well firstly, there's no such thing as a water spirit. Water is an element silly." There's a know-it-all like tone in the spirit's voice that makes Taehyung roll his eyes dramatically.

"Right, cause that's definitely something I should know." Rain stares at him pointedly before he's urged to continue with a pinch to his waist.

"Uh fine. They are river spirits. Waterfalls are just a by-product of the earth around them eroding. They have fun with it though. The mist was beautiful, did you see the rainbow they created? Though they seem to not like human's very much since the water got really cold."

"I guess no one really comes here so we must be strange invasive creatures."

"Hm yeah. River spirits don't travel as far as I did. This place is all they know." Taehyung never really thought about it before. What it must be like for spirit's who are more stagnant to meet a human for the first time. Maybe they would fall in love too if the human were kind enough. Or.maybe they'd loathe human's for their destructive nature.

"What's the difference between a river and a lake?" He decides to ask instead of exploring the conflict further.

"The state of the water. Rivers move, lakes usually don't."

"So why–"

"They aren't lake spirits." Taehyung pouts at his condescending tone. "Not here anyway. This lake is just the rivers end."

"How do you know the difference?" Rain looks out at the body of water and tries to see where the spirits may be. There's ripples on the surface from the waterfall end. High above he sees the water splashing across streams, surfing the downward current. There you are.

"Truthfully I don't. But lakes often relied on me to stay alive, rivers were much better at surviving without me. This lake doesn't seem to care about my presence so I guess it got its water elsewhere."

"Just you?" Wonders his human curiously, thumb tucking under his chin whilst his other hand cradles the spirit's waist. "Are there more rain spirits?" Something unpleasant and bitter crosses the boy's face. Almost a look of... jealousy. The fickle reaction brings a chuckle up in Taehyung's throat. "Seriously? You're jealous?"

"Shut up." Rain's cheeks are ablaze like his hair, eyes dropping to watch the lake ripple with the wind.

"None of them could come close to you Rain. You're perfect." Taehyung pecks the spirit's nose and scratches his chin. "You're my rain spirit." That jealousy is replaced with a cheesy giddiness, a glimmer of spectral colour flickering in Rain's eyes like a rainbow rushing through the speckles.

The adventure is so perfect and yet it has to end. Of course it ends with the worst walk ever. All of them are a little slower, trudging along the carved path. Jimin sits back with Taehyung as Rain skips ahead with his limitless energy. They don't talk a lot since all of Taehyung's focus is on steadying his breathing. It feels longer than when they arrived. The sun is harsher and he can feel the heat on his neck.

Even though he's been expecting it, Taehyung still jumps when he feels a shock through his chest. By now he's used to them, able to hide most of the pain and soothe himself. But it still disrupts him enough that he stumbles a little, hand instinctively brought to his chest to feel the rhythm normalising. Jimin grabs his hand without a word, steadying him before he trips on a root. Their hands stay together for the rest of the walk, every step guided by his new friend.

All of them have spent so much time and energy trying to welcome Taehyung and Rain into their friend group. There has to be a way to return that gesture. So on the drive home Taehyung speaks up and offers to cook dinner. He knows enough recipes to utilise whatever ingredients they have back at the accomodation. Plus he has an eager assistant who will happily do any task as long as he gets to be involved. Everyone responds with an enthusiastic yes that restores some of that energy that he was beginning to lose.

Once back and cleaned up, he sets himself up in the kitchen and begins searching through the fridge for some options. When he pulls his head back out he's startled by the body standing directly to his left.

"Oh my god! Why are you so close?!" He shrieks in alarm, stumbling back only to be caught by Rain's quick reflex.

"Oopsie! What can I do?" His spirit is freshly showered and bright eyed, dressed in a spare pair of pyjamas that Seokjin offered him after his main clothes got dirtied on the farm. Now he has stripy pink clothes that perfectly match his peachy pink hair. Taehyung can tell his own cheeks must be a perfect colour match.

"Uhm... Uh, can you cut onions?"

"That's cruel." Huffs Rain with a theatrical frown. Despite the act he snatches the bulbs and begins searching for a suitable knife. Within the small space they pass tasks back and forth, talking through each step until they understand it and complete the steps seamlessly.

Once everything begins to boil Taehyung can focus on the fresh ingredients and plating. He carries a set of bowls and small plates to the bench top, setting out one for each of them. Rain sits on the bench top watching for when he needs to stir the stew, but he can't help himself from glancing across at his human every few seconds. Each time he does he notices the gradual slowing of the other's movements. It starts with the way he shuffles across the floor, feet barely lifting for each step. Then he notices how everytime he lifts a bowl his hands shake.

"Tae?" Calls Rain softly, jumping from his seat to approach his human from behind. When he tries to place a hand on Taehyung's back for support he's shaken off. "Tae you need to sit down."

"I'm fine." Mutters Taehyung absent-mindedly, too focused on his task he's committed to. He reaches for the tap to wash his hands so he can begin serving. Something heavy hits his eyelids and he feels his own hand slipping without any chance of preventing it. With a wobble in his legs he collapses against the counter, whole head weighted by a sudden lead like emptiness. Luckily he has Rain to keep him from falling. When he blinks he finds himself in a chair, Rain standing above him with worry written all over his face. He looks like a sad puppy, eyes wide and pleading.

"Don't push yourself." He snaps crossly, palm rushing out to flatten his human back to the seat when he tries to get up again.

"I said I'm fine." Taehyung grunts and huffs, trying to move his attention to the bubbling pot on the stove. "I need to–"

"Tae! This is serious."

"I know it is. But it's also what I chose." He explains, sighing as he tries to level his breathing that still feels sluggish. "This is going to happen more often now. My heart is fine, it's just fatigue." Rain bites his lip and keeps his palm there. The spirit looks lost. It makes Taehyung feel flickers of guilt, knowing the boy must be fueled by worry.

"Promise you'll tell me when you really really need help?" He tugs at the hand that doesn't seem to be moving anytime soon, leading Rain to crawl up onto his lap. Burnt stew will be okay to eat still. With a gentle brush of his nose to Rain's cheek, he lands on his spirit's lips to kiss him tenderly, shallow but full of love.

"I promise. I really do." He whispers against their lips. "But you have to let me live a little too." It's a confusing place for Rain to be stuck in. Desperate for his human to see the world and experience things that he may have only ever dreamed about. Whilst also wanting him to survive and live beyond his accepted fate. It's a selfish wish but a human one. Acknowledging that conflict in his own chest allows him to give in when Taehyung tugs him in closer, lips burning against his own. He's encapsulated in the sensation until a voice breaks him out of it.

"Is this dinner?" Rain's never moved so fast. His eyes lock with Namjoon's, one eyebrow raised in curious challenge, then he scampers from his human's embrace and returns to the pot that has made a mess all over the stove top. It doesn't help that he hears Taehyung chuckling behind him. He's lucky I love him.

Chapter Text

= = =

It's cold when consciousness hits Taehyung. Not the kind that frost creates or the type that a blanket can fix. It sits inside his bones and feeds the sweat that paints his skin. That cold crystallises into dread when it dawns on him what the feeling is. 

Everything around him starts to cave, duvet attempting to suffocate him. He presses his face to the bed and shudders in a breath that feels sharp on his vocal chords. No. No this can't be happening. Every movement feels like rocks colliding with his temples. Instead of level breaths he's quaking out gasps, clenching onto the sheets as he tries to rid the feeling from his body. Nothing eases that heavy ache.

"No!" He grits into the mattress, palm slamming beside his head to push himself from the pillow. His whole body starts to float away in a river of ice. He buries his face into his knees to stifle the rising volume of his sobs. Each cry twists around his airways, tightening until he is crying silently, beyond hyperventilating. 

He can't feel the hands that wrap around his waist. Doesn't hear the voice that tries to ask what's wrong. Ringing takes over. He sits hunched over on the bed with his mouth wide open, no sound or air coming in or out. Tears and snot block his nose as his chest shudders in protest.

"Tae!" Rain tries yelling too but his human is locked away from the world. If he doesn't breathe soon he'll pass out. Carefully Rain reaches over and places a palm across the boy's chest, another lifting his chin to open his airways up. "I'm going to press down on your chest. Can you focus on that?" He doesn't know if the other hears him but he proceeds. The pressure jolts Taehyung forward, own hand reaching up to attempt to pull the limb away. "Tae. You need to breathe." He resists the weak attempts, own chest leaning forward to rest along his human's back. "Breathe with me." He closes his eyes and takes in a slow deep breath whilst pushing gently against Taehyung's diaphragm. He gets a shuddering inhale but an inhale nonetheless. Then he exhales, releasing that hold. 

It takes fifteen minutes for Taehyung to settle his breathing, face void of expression, and eyes disconnected from the room. Rain holds him close and continues to mirror their breathing whilst he feels the heart racing beneath his fingers. They cuddle together for another half hour. Any time Taehyung starts to retreat into his mind Rain is right there whispering grounding reassurances. 

The spirit is just starting to drift into sleep when he feels his human shift from his arms. Taehyung stands and leaves the other sprawled on the bed with a confused frown. "Tae?" Speaks the spirit delicately, hand reaching out in hopes to be taken.

"Sorry." Croaks Taehyung hoarsely, palm folding over his throat as he swallows and looks to the floor. "I..." His face pulls up tight in discomfort, eyes glazing over. Every second he spends in this space is spent feeling every uncomfortable sensation in his body, reminding him of impending destruction.

"What happened?" 

"I think I'm sick." He admits to the other's curiosity, eyes squeezing shut when he hears his own voice. In the dark he hears Rain gasp, then he's got hands pulling at his. The tousled pink hair of the spirit comes into view when he opens his eyes, bringing a sniffle back up. "I can't be sick. I can't... It... I'll end up in–"

"Hey, that's silly brain thoughts. You don't know that for sure."

"Every time I've gotten sick it's gotten into my lungs and I've ended up in hospital! It's a real thought!" His mind tells him to pull away but the spirit won't let him, grip firm and unrelenting.

"That doesn't mean this time will be the same. Just lay back down and I'll get one of our friends to buy some medicine." 

"I can't do this, Rain." Gasps his human weakly, fear, guilt and regret all wrapped up in his feeble tone. 

"You can and you will. Please Tae, it's not time to give up yet." He leads his human by the wrist, pulling back the blankets to wrap it back around his torso. Taehyung stares at the floor but Rain crouches down to fill his gaze. "Promise?" He doesn't answer and it spikes some of Rain's own fear. "Tae. Please. Try?" Taehyung sniffles but nods, holding onto the tips of his spirit's fingers that are warm again. 

"Yeah. Yeah I promise." 

- - -

The phone hums a grating tune whilst Taehyung waits on hold, minutes passing slower than ever. His stare is unfocused on the other side of the room, waiting to hear his fate. The house is quiet and empty. He hopes they will be back soon with something to soothe the pain in his throat. Years of pain becomes dull, present but forgotten about. This new pain sticks into his nerves like an electrified rod. 

"Hello, am I speaking with Kim Taehyung?" A voice echoes over the call as the music abruptly cuts out.

"Yes."

"Thank you for holding. I hear you are having cold symptoms." He nods into the pillow then remembers to answer verbally, eyelids fluttering closed. "And it started this morning? Have you been in contact with anyone who has symptoms?"

"No one else is sick." 

"Well then it's possible you picked it up from somewhere you went."

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" He whispers frailly. It makes him grimace when the nurse responds in her same bright tone.

"That's not a likely outcome no. Of course I can't rule anything out but it really does sound like a regular cold. If you take some medicine, keep doing your usual management of your heart and drink lots of water it should pass within a few days. If you do start to feel worse or find it's not getting better over the next week then I would recommend attending a local clinic to get a physical." She takes a breath and then adds in a softer voice, "Being sick is scary when you've got a compromised immune system but it doesn't always equal the worst. Have you got people around you to help?"

"Yeah I do."

"Good. Lean on them. Let them pamper you as much as they can. And remember you can always call us if you are worried about anything."

"I stopped my heart medication. Was that a mistake? Should I start it again?" The other end of the line is quiet for a moment before she responds,

"That's your decision. If you want to go back on them you can, we can get a doctor to write you a script." The opportunity sits in his mind like a weighted mock. Is it worth it? The fatigue that came with his dosage was debilitating. Having been off it fully for a week he feels a new level of energy he hasn't felt in over ten years. The meds won't change the reality that he'll still get worse. That he needs a new heart to make it any further. A dream he's long since given up on. Like this he can enjoy the present moment without being trapped in a fog. 

"No. I don't want to go back on it. I just... I feel like I gave up too quickly." 

"It sounds like you are taking back control of your life. TA is a tiring condition. You aren't the first patient I've met who had it. Sometimes preventative treatment isn't the best option. How old are you Taehyung?"

"Twenty." His fingers trace the different scars across his chest, recalling each surgery that led to them. Eight different operations just to keep him alive. Some so early on he has no memory of them. Just marks and lingering side effects that remind him of his fragile mortality. 

"I think you're doing amazing. I think you've done amazing." The way she separates the two brings a sense of acceptance back into his mind. 

"How old was your other patient when they died?" 

"Twenty nine. She chose hospice too." He smiles and closes his eyes, palm laying flat across his heart to feel the slow rhythm.  "Be kind to yourself, Taehyung." Her comfort soothes the anxiety that simmers in his stomach. 

- - -

Rain is warm against Taehyung's back, held in his arms with breaths across his shoulder. The cold medicine makes him sleepy, eyelids drooping despite their attempts to remain awake. Rain's voice is gentle in his ear when he sings their dancing song. The one he promised to dance to one day. Consciousness plays with him, drifting slowly away only to be snapped back by its side. Even if he knows he'll likely be fine, there's still that controlling part of his emotions that tells him his world is about to end. Someone whispering to him that everything is going to fall apart. But he doesn't want that ending to come yet. It's hypocritical. Yes he agreed to let his body go when it was done but he didn't expect that to happen so soon. 

"You're jaw is tight." Whispers another, sweeter, voice in his ear. Arms that are keeping him safe tuck in closer so that Rain can drape his chin across his human's shoulder. "You okay?" Taehyung shrugs with a shuddery exhale. "Can I help?" He shakes his head, a movement that rattles every nerve in his skull. "I love you." Continues the spirit, kissing his cheek before snuggling back behind him. Taehyung uses that tether to distract his mind. Instead of focusing on the unhelpful thoughts he tries to anchor himself to the pressure across his skin. Where Rain's fingers scrunch up in his jumper, where their feet collide, where their chest and back align to share their individual melodies. Pressure points that release the pressure just enough to ease the pain.

- - -

The other's must have gone out somewhere because when Rain emerges from the room in search of snacks it's unnaturally quiet. He pokes through the fridge with a scrunched up nose of curiosity. There's little tubs of yoghurt that look like they have strawberries in them. He grabs two and some spoons before returning to the dark cocoon they've spent the last few reclusive days in. He sits close to his human and gently taps his cheek, whistling a tune to stir him. A bleary eye peeks out from beneath an arm, clearly displeased.

"I have food." Taehyung groans and shakes his head, blanket pulling closer to his chin. "You have to eat. That's what your mum said."

"And you're not her." He huffs apathetically, too tired to argue like he usually would. Knowing the spirit well, he knows this isn't going to end. Since telling his parents he was sick they've called every four hours, pestering over little things. Like the goody two shoes he is, Rain follows every instruction. "I don't feel like eating."

"Well your body needs it, whether you want it or not." As expected, he's determined. Taehyung concedes with a roll of his eyes that makes it feel like sand is stuck beneath his eyelids. Grudgingly he shoves himself up to be seated, biting his smile when the other shuffles onto his lap as he peels off the lid on the tub. Rain licks at the piece of plastic out of curiosity and his eyes blow up with a glimmering ecstacy. "Ohhhh my goodness!" He shrieks, licking it clean like any decent person would do. If Taehyung's body didn't feel like a rock he might’ve chuckled, warmed by the sweet simplicity of his spirit's joy.

"Are you going to save some for me?" The room comes back to Rain and his head shoots up in alarm, already halfway through the first tub. Guilty pleasure is written all over his cheeks. Even in the dimly lit room his eyes are as bright as ever, a guiding light through everything. Taehyung reaches up to take the extra spoon, tapping the cold metal to the boy's nose before dipping it in for a spoonful. Rain puffs his cheeks and exhales dramatically, diving straight in the second the tub is free again. "You're ridiculous."

"What?! It's realllllyyy good!" By the time Taehyung goes for his second scoop the tub is empty. He stares pointedly at the spirit who stares back with his own utensil still hanging from his mouth. Now he laughs, and the hurt doesn't bother him so much. It's a laugh that comes from his chest and comes out as whisps of air through his nose that has finally begun to clear. 

Since his spirit wants to play silly, so will he. Considering their position it's easy for Taehyung to fold the duvet and twist their bodies around so that Rain becomes tangled in its confines. He barks out a protest, spoon lost somewhere. It allows Taehyung a moment to dive for the second tub, rolling to the other side of the bed and tearing it open. He only has a few seconds before Rain is pouncing on him like a crazed child on a sugar rush. He yanks the yoghurt back and starts devouring it like it's his final meal.

"Rain stop stop stop!" To no avail. The spirit successfully steals the final bite, giggling through the mouthful. Once he calms down he's left staring at the pouting human beside him. "What happened to me needing to eat?" Rain snorts and covers his mouth, eyes widening in realisation. In a guilty hush he drawls,

"I'll get you another one..." Sulking his way back to the kitchen where he eventually manages to get the yoghurt back to his sick human. Whether it was the first one he grabbed... no one will know.

- - -

Boredom visits on the fifth day of Taehyung being bedridden. It's met with a welcoming sigh of realisation. Taehyung finds himself staring at the ceiling thinking about all the ways he could entertain his mind. None of which he is capable of within this room. Even though his head still aches and there's a shadow of sharpness in his throat, it has become easier to think and breathe. His heart has stopped panicking every six hours, his last shock over twelve hours ago. Relief floods his veins with a daze like joy. Because he made it. 

When he decides to search for that distraction he rolls out of bed and shuffles his way to the door. Taking his cane, just to be safe, he wanders down the hall and begins to hear the echoes of a movie that plays loudly from the lounge. It's dark except for the flashes of action within the screen. From the archway he sees it's some type of animated movie that he knows to be studio ghibli based on the art style. On the far side of the couch he sees the pink glow of Rain next to the warm red of Hoseok. The two are curled up under a blanket watching intently. At the very edge of the couch that Taehyung stands close to sits Seokjin with a little bit of space beside him. When Taehyung steps forward enough to hit his peripheral he looks up and immediately retracts the blanket to invite him in. Without any hesitation Taehyung slips in and melts into the warmth. Seokjin's arm wraps around his shoulder, pulling him closer to rest back against a cushion. 

The movie continues to tell its magical story and Taehyung watches with wonder, wrapped up in a world just as bright and beautiful. Every foe pushed away by his protective older brothers and his brave spirit.

= = =

Chapter Text

= = = 

Coffee's never smelt so good. As someone who has grown up despising the smell, Taehyung is pleasantly surprised when he steps into the bustling cafe and takes in a breath of something that reminds him strangely of earth. Like a combination of the smell right after it rains mixed with a sourness that sits pleasantly against his senses. Like someone had taken the smell of cocoa and dialled it up by a hundred. 

The seven of them combine two of the tables on the back wall and squish in around them, chattering excitedly over what they want to try from the menu. Taehyung looks around in wonder at the simple interior that clashes with the overwhelming atmosphere behind the counter. Machines hissing and people yelling, plates and cutlery clashing together. He can't help thinking that it's too loud. Yet he can't stop watching them. It was his dream to be a barista for his first job. The idea of making pretty patterns on people's morning drinks, remembering regulars and starting up conversations with ease.

None of it would ever become real. Mostly because he doesn't like people all that much. But also his hands shake like a starved man. The nostalgic imagination is comforting. Now he's physically here, for the first time, sitting in a cafe ready to order his first drink. He doesn't even know if he will like it but he wants to try.

Rain is by his side, scanning through the menu and commenting excitedly on each item. It's no surprise when he decides to get Japanese style pancakes with a side of fresh berries. He also picks out a purple coloured milk tea with boba balls in it. The other's all decide on their orders and Taehyung is left biting his lip beneath his mask, unable to choose. 

"Can someone come up and order with me?" Hums Yoongi from across the table, writing down each of their orders on his phone. Despite still being unsure Taehyung raises his hand.

"I will." The other's eyes light up with surprise before he settles into a calm smile. 

"Amazing." Together they line up, Taehyung still staring at the menu like a lost soul. When its their time to order Yoongi recites most of it before turning to him expectantly.

"Um... can I get a coffee?" He whispers nervously. He clears his throat and tries to speak louder when the girl on the other side of the counter looks at him cluelessly. "Coffee. A ... a coffee."

"Of course, what kind?" He looks at the daunting list.

"Mocha?" Maybe the chocolate will ease his fear of the unknown. She smiles and adds it to their order. 

"Any food?" 

"No thank you, just the mocha. I've never tried it before." She grins and nods her head like she's just accepted a mission. 

"Well let me give you the best first experience ever! Take a seat and we'll bring everything over to your table." Taehyung is positively giddy from her response, face alight with joy as he bows and thanks her twice more. Eventually Yoongi starts tugging on his arm, steering them back to the table where he flops down beside Rain and exhales shakily.

"You did it!!!" Squeals the spirit against his side, squeezing at his wrist beneath the table. It settles that restless feeling in his chest, eyes squeezing shut to lessen the sensory experience of it all. Time passes and conversations blur around him. He's anchored by that hand in his.

The smells get stronger overtime and when he opens his eyes the girl is at the end of the table handing out everyone's drinks. Her hands reach out to him and his cheeks burn with an overwhelming shyness. With shaking hands he tries to retrieve the mug, barely managing to set it down without spilling it. What he looks down upon is a swirl that looks strangely like a heart... then he glances to the plate and notices a piece of paper. No one else got one, he notes upon searching the group. Hoseok is the first to notice, eye's widening along with a silent gape. 

As Taehyung unrolls the paper his cheeks start to melt from the heat, an array of numbers scrolled across the surface. He's watched enough movies to know that move. With a gasp he scrunches it up and looks over at Rain who is too busy devouring his pancakes to notice. 

"I... I should..." He stammers up in a tizzy, blinking back the embarrassment that keeps him frozen.

"It's okay, she'll understand." Hoseok whispers, nodding his head toward where she is at the counter.

"Huh?" Perks up Rain when he feels Taehyung start to move. 

"I'll be back." 

"Don't you like it?" Rain murmurs, instinctively reaching out to attach himself to his human. By the time Taehyung is on his feet the barista is wandering over to a nearby table to clear it. They lock eyes and she smiles. Then she sees the way Rain latches onto his wrist. Her smile doesn't falter, it grows. Her cheeks must match his own with how bright they are. Without a word she nods her head and covers her face in retreat. "Earth to Tae!" Rain tugs at his arm, swivelling him back around so their bright eyes meet. The spirits' own so pure and curious that Taehyung blurts out with ease,

"I... she just gave me her number."

"Oh? Oh really?!" Gasps Rain with an abnormal glee. "Taeee that's so cute! See, you are pretty." There's something refreshing about the way the spirit reacts. So free of tethered bias that he takes things as they are. Taehyung pulls him gently closer, tugging at his cheek with pinched fingers to kiss at his temple. A quiet reassurance of his own tethered bias.

‐ - - 

Time ticks onward. There are moments where dates and days are ignored, replaced by experience and connection through each adventure. Whether the adventure is a movie in a cosy airbnb or a trip up a mountain. Captured within those moments are memories on a polaroid camera, some saved and some sent back home. Every week Taehyung calls his parents to share the news, sparing no detail of joy in his descriptions.

It's been just under a month since he stopped taking his medications and the changes bring a simmering of mixed feelings. In that time Taehyung has learnt what it is like to live with energy. To wake up and have fuel that can lead him through the day rather than a weight so heavy he can barely make it past breakfast. It's a bitter-sweet reminder of what it feels like to live a normal life. Yet even when his mind feels brighter than ever, his body continues to fail him. One adventure too many and he's losing consciousness on the trip home. Waking to the adorably concerned face of his rain spirit.

Because even if he has energy, some days his limbs don't want to work and his chest pulls too tight. On those days all he can do is lay in bed and try not to cry. Held together by Rain's warm embrace. 

It's a choice. It's always a choice.

With one week until he goes back home, Taehyung tries not to stare too hard at himself in the mirror. If he does he'll see all the ways he's starting to lose. The way skin clings to bone despite the meals he shares with friends. The blue tint in his lips despite the cherry lip balm he wears. The tightness in his chest that only he can feel. 

It's hypocritical to long for more when he chose this. He knew this would happen yet he chose it anyway. Was it selfish? Maybe. Does he regret it? Now that he doesn't know. He spits the remains of foam from his mouth and wipes away the rest, painting away the blue with a facade of health. 

Mind or body? He can't have both.

= = =

Chapter Text

Smooth emptiness cradles Rain's fingertips when he stretches out across the bed linen. Surprised by the absence his eyes flutter open and he sees the crumpled impression of a body left behind. The first feeling to emerge is curiosity. A tickling feeling of interest as he swivels and searches for answers. The background of gentle pattering across the roof is comfort in his bones but uncertainty in his nerves as he searches for his human.

By the four pane window sits a face lit by the sun that peeks through the summer rain clouds. Eyes alight with so many things. Taehyung's fingers curl into his shirt and his earbuds are pressed in tight. His shoulders are pulled back and his lip is tucked away behind teeth. All of that can't compete with the fact that he is sitting at a window watching as the rain falls. He's being curious.

With stealth on his side, Rain slips from the bed and prances across the cold floors that aren't even cold; but against the spirit's electrified skin everything feels like winter. He arrives behind his human, sounds of rain and breath bleeding together into a single pulse of peace. His warm hands land across the boy's shoulders, eliciting a slight jump before they melt at the heat. Rain continues to encircle Taehyung's body until his cheek is pressed to soft brown hair and fingers overlap the human's own.

"You're so warm." Mumbles Taehyung first, tugging his body closer so he can turn and kiss his cheek, lingering on the soothing blanket of comfort that calms his muscles.

"I'm happy." Rain responds sweetly, "and proud." With his chin perched on the human's shoulder, they continue to watch the summer rain. Like a sprinkle of glitter in the morning sun. Rain doesn't need to tell Taehyung why he should love it. Because for the first time he can see it for himself. Can look out upon the world and not be so afraid.

- - -

It feels strange to be near home. Looking out the van window and seeing familiar streets. They pass his clinic on the way to their last adventure for the time being. Taehyung stares at the building and feels a strange type of fondness.

There's a heritage museum in the town centre, dedicated to telling history of the land he's grown up on. All he knows about the area is that it's always been home to farmers. Gentrified over time whilst keeping its small town spirit.

At the front desk is a boy of similar age to them all, dressed up in a suit and hair combed neat. He greets them with a formal air to his tone, because they're all strangers to him. Taehyung wonders if they would have graduated in the same year. What would I being doing now if I had finished school? Maybe he'd be a gardener, or maybe he'd go study something in a bigger city with a substantially funded university.

He doesn't get to ponder on the hypothetical for long before Rain is taking him by the arm to the closest exhibit.

"People and the land." Hums Rain as he reads through the exhibit summary. Despite enjoying the occasional book, Taehyung finds history awfully boring. So instead his eyes wander over the visual elements. There are century old ceramic pieces, preserved tools and furniture settings. In one corner of the room is a set up of an old dining table with place mats and decorations across the surface. The title representing harvest season when the food was aplenty. He roams across and sees a secondary set up where the table is scarce and the bread is packed with nutrient dense nuts and grains. "I can't imagine relying on the weather for food." He mutters, mostly to himself. Though he should know by now that Rain is always an ear away.

"It's hard to watch a person starve." The spirit is solemn when he appears beside his human, fingers entangling together. "Sometimes I would feel so helpless. I wanted to believe that I could fix everything, but I couldn't fix disease or violence." He reaches to touch the exhibit and Taehyung has to pull him back. It feels cruel somehow, even if the scene isn't real.

"You saw people die?" The spirit nods impassively, face strangely emotionless. "How many?" He shrugs.

"I never allowed myself to count. I remember a kid screaming and everything I tried made it worse. That's why I love farmers. I know how I can help them. I know they appreciate me." Taehyung holds his hand as they continue exploring, crossing paths with their companions occasionally. But Rain doesn't acknowledge them. Lost in a whirlpool of jarring memories that flow through him in a floodlike way.

"You can't be expected to save the world, Rain. No one should be. Sometimes all we can do is try our best with good intentions."

"Sometimes I got angry." He squeezes tight on their connected palms as they pass an exhibit with weaponry from civil fights between land habitants.

"Angry? Like floods?" The spirit doesn't answer this time. But it's clear he's stuck in something. "Rain?"

"I killed people." He whispers it like a confession that should bring hatred but Taehyung has a contrasting response. He pulls the spirit closer and kisses his temple, soothing the tension through his jaw. "Bad people." He adds with a shudder. "But good people too. I don't like to be angry. What's the word you would use..." he goes quiet to think and Taehyung watches his eyes flicker with brewing clouds of temper. "Turbulent."

"You? Turbulent?" It's hard not to laugh at the thought of it. A bright pink spirit filled with an unpredictable rage. Every part of the spirit has been a complete contradiction to what Taehyung believed rain to be. What he's describing now are the tales his brain tells him. "Aren't there bad rain spirits who do that? You do good."

"Spirits aren't aligned to morals. I didn't have a conscience or a fear of consequence. Yes I cared about the world but I had seen so much that... well sometimes I lost control." It's like that warmth begins to drain away the more he speaks. Taehyung feels his own chest squeezing tight, not from illness but empathy. Because he sees grief in the spirit's eyes. "I act on instinct."

"I don't think it's fair to judge something for its nature."

"Why am I telling you this?" Whispers Rain under his breath when they stop by a swingset that has dried vines wrapped around its base. They find the exhibit's end, leading into the next; Sculptures of Children. Before they move on Taehyung pulls the spirit aside into a small staff corridor. Rain is barely present, sinking into his thoughts.

"Rain. Part of being human is accepting our mistakes. Learning from them." He tucks his palm under the boy's chin and lifts his gaze up, glassy and lost. "You're not human. You have a responsibility larger than any of us will ever have. How you hold that and continue to smile I cannot fathom. If I saw the world for what it is I would burn it to the ground." Rain sniffles a chuckle, tears beginning to trickle free of his lashes as he silently nods. "I think you're magical. The fact that you face terror and see possibility... it makes me love you more everyday."

"But I... I have hurt people. I've written history full of ruin."

"Then tell me about the rest of your history." He takes their hands and guides them to the next room, full of bright colours and energy that matches a child's unique perspective. "Tell me about the world's you've saved instead."

- - -

"Did you see that bronze crown?! Imagine how bad ass I'd look wearing that!" Boasts Yoongi from their table at the cafeteria, showing the photos of his favourite pieces he'd found. "Even though emperors were assholes, they absolutely knew how to look the part."

"The jade was incredible. Who knew it used to be such a crucial form of currency?" Namjoon shares excitedly. They each take turns sharing their favourite parts as they devour a pricey lunch. Rain has perked up after the children's exhibition, eyes alight with their usual wonder.

"I want a hanbok! And I want it in every colour ever! Look at this one I got to design on the computer. It has orange and purple and pink!" He shares the photo but all Taehyung can look at is his smile. A spirit living entirely in the moment.

- - -

It hurts to say farewell. To hug each of his friends and say 'I'll see you soon' with a fear he may not. But something in Seokjin's firm hug tells him they won't let that happen. That they'll be back to free him once more. Rain hugs everyone too, begging for more adventures and trips to far away lands.

Whilst he does Taehyung stares up at his bedroom window, curtains drawn shut. He feels like an outsider, wondering what the hermit hiding inside would be doing if he were there. Maybe he'd be streaming, speaking to invisible people promising invisible promises. Maybe he'd be writing poetry just to tear it up. Maybe he's just wasting his energy thinking about all the ways things could be. Whether he's studying at university or hiding away in his bedroom is irrelevant. Because he's here, returning from a trip where he got to see a tiny glimpse of the world.

The engine fades and they're left standing in the garden where roses blossom in white plumes. Some are starting to brown and wither, petals falling to the ground. Clouds float above, a reminder of the 60% chance of rain he used to fear. Now it's a small nag in the back of his mind he's able to silence.

"Tae." Calls his spirit from behind. He turns to see the boy has his boots kicked off and his sleeves rolled up. "Will you dance with me?" He holds out a hand just as the rain starts to fall. Light and quiet like the morning they spent together. It's different to be in it. To hear it and feel it. Taehyung freezes but he doesn't run. "You promised." Insists Rain with unwavering persistence.

"I should go tell my parent's we're here..." He says uncertainly, taking a step away. Rain's smile falters, fingers curling around emptiness. It's not fair on the spirit to keep running away. "One song." Like a spark Rain lights up, racing forward to tug on Taehyung's elbow so they can twirl into eachother's arms. With a swipe he finds their song and plays it at full volume. Taehyung laughs at the sheer urgency of his movements, warmed by how important this moment is for the spirit.

Together they stand chest to chest, Rain's hands on his biceps whilst his hold the boy's waist. The slow beat allows for them to sway at first, rain beginning to layer them in spots of glitter before it sinks in. When the songs starts to build Rain starts to guide them with back and forth steps. He ducks under his human's arm and tries to spin but he nearly slips. He's held steady by the other, brought back to a closer stance.

The song hits harder in the middle and Rain is grinning so bright that his eyes are squinted shut. Taehyung finds his own lips pulled up, focusing on that blissful expression. Droplets start to drip from his hair down his cheeks, soaked through. The grass is slippery so he clings to Rain's waist. When the spirit locks their gazes together he can't resist, he collides into a kiss that's warmer than any they've had before. Both his palms cradle Rain's cheeks as he leans impossibly closer. Rain kisses back with fervour, arms locking around his nape. The song has ended and another starts to play but neither notice.

Only when he can no longer breathe does Taehyung finally pull away, inhaling sharply through his nose and swallowing down the saliva that filled his mouth. He continues to hold his spirit close, noses touching.

"I love you, Rain. You saved my life." He exhales and adds breathlessly, "You gave me my life back." It's hard to see in the rain but the spirit is crying again. He sniffles and squeezes his eyes shut, head beginning to droop only to be held steady by Taehyung's touch. "Rain?"

"I love... you too." He croaks, hiccuping a sob. It's a confusing response that has Taehyung frowning.

"Rain?" He hugs the boy closer and listens to him continue to cry. The rain grows heavier, raindrops denser and stronger. Taehyung flinches when they hit his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Tae." He sobs in-between hiccups, hugging tighter with each breath that starts to sound ragged.

"Hey, Rain, why are you sorry? It's okay."

"No, no, no, no I messed up." He tries to pull away now, fighting the warmth he craves. It hurts to feel the touch knowing it's going to end. Knowing he's damned himself to a world of emptiness because of an impulsive decision. It hurts to love someone knowing he will lose them. Why does it hurt when love should be good? Instead it feels like a drought in his stomach, insides burning with shame and fear. He collapses into the grass with a particularly strained sob. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"Rain I don't know what you're saying sorry for. Please, can you tell me?"

"I ..." he swallows down a hiccup and pulls his hair over his eyes. "I'm going to die."

"What?"

"I didn't realise you were sick... I just thought ... well–"

"Rain what are you talking about?"

"I'm going to die... when you do. And I don't want to." He feels the way Taehyung pulls back, and in his current headspace it feels like a rejection. He caves his head and covers his face, eyes closing to block out the reaction.

"What do you mean? Why? How do you know?"

"I don't have my own life, Tae. It's just yours. I'm not a spirit and I'm not a human. I'm not anything. I'm just... a part of you. A part that will die along with you." He hears Taehyung move and the air around him gets colder. "I'm sorry."

"I'm going to kill you?" Taehyung whispers into the brewing storm. It hurts even more to hear how far away he is. Rain nods and buries himself into an even smaller ball, feeling sick to his stomach. "Why the hell would you do that?!"

"I didn't know!"

"Didn't know what? That human's die? You've watched it happen thousands of times!" The human's voice gets louder the more upset he gets.

"I knew that part! I just didn't know you were sick." Rain looks up to see a look of betrayal in Taehyung's distraught face. Fists clenched over his heart. "I had accepted death... I wanted it. But not this soon. I just... I wanted to be something more than just an observer." With a sigh Taehyung twists and reaches for his soaked bag, digging through its contents as he mutters,

"It's fine. I'll... I'll go back on meds. I'll get treatment. Fuck!" He runs his fingers through his hair and grasps at clumps, unravelling the options in his mind. Rain watches with shame squeezing his chest.

"Tae no... Please don't worry about me. That's why I didn't tell you." The human snaps towards him with a glare so cold he shivers.

"You're going to die because of me! How the fuck am I supposed to not worry?!" Holding back a whimper, Rain tugs at the boy's arm, trying to pull him in for a hug. He's pushed away and Taehyung is on his feet stepping away and toward his home. He staggers and fumbles on his feet, struggling to catch his breath. So Rain tries again. He follows his human and tries reaching for his hand only to be shoved away. "No! Go away! Go away before I kill you!"

"Tae you won't–"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" The front door swings open as he screams, Eunju sees her son collapse to the path and rushes to his side, pulling on his collar to check his pulse. Taehyung sobs soundlessly, lips spilling saliva as he hyperventialtes useless breaths. Rain stands at a distance, arms covering his body like a defence.

"What's happening?" She asks him but he doesn't say anything. He stares at Taehyung with eyes so full of tears he can't see anything but outlines. His fingernails dig into his skin to keep him present. He steps back and Eunju reaches out. "Jungkook. Stay." He whimpers and shakes his head, mouthing 'I'm sorry' before he bolts out the gate and down the street. As Eunju shifts to chase after him she feels her son's body slacken, dropping down to see his eyes have slid shut and his fingers unfurl to catch the pouring rain.

Chapter Text

Nothing stops the rain this time. Thunder and lightning chase after eachother in the summer storm. An unending dance they revel in whilst the world suffers beneath them. It feels like a punishment. It is a punishment. Only Taehyung knows why. He never wanted to hurt Rain, yet it feels like that's all the spirit is trying to do to him in return.

Days pass and the rain continues to fall in waves of angry bursts, leaving flash floods in the streets and fallen branches across intersections. The lightning crackles across the sky, occasionally striking the earth and setting it ablaze.

It's everything Taehyung had feared, here to punish him for sending the spirit away. The spirit that has brought destruction down onto his home, has caused dozens of injuries... and yet Taehyung refuses to acknowledge why Rain is so angry.

Instead he does nothing. He finds comfort in the familiar and drowns himself in it. Adventures are replaced with the darkness of his silent room. Buried beneath blankets stained with his tears. If he's not crying he's sleeping. Even when he hears his parents over the heavy sounds of rain he says nothing, does nothing. They ask him what happened, where Jungkook went, but he doesn't answer. Because he doesn't know. All he remembers is hurt. The feeling of loss despite being the one to send the spirit away.

Rain did this... He reminds himself as he watches the night sky flicker with the ongoing storm. If he watches long enough it starts to feel like he's staring into the spirit's eyes. A feeling that sinks deeper into his chest to expand the ache. It's selfish. Making the world suffer over these petty emotions. So what if Taehyung is angry? At least he's not hurting other people.

There's only so many tears he can cry before he's empty. When they finally run dry there's a reprieve in the storm. It leaves an overcast humidity that sticks to Taehyung's skin as an insistent reminder of his failings. Still he does nothing. Clouds go by as he watches. Eyes trace the raindrop trails down the glass panels until they disappear. Neighbours spend the day cutting through the fallen tree that had blocked their road.

A week must've passed and he barely eats. Last time his dad spoke to him he ignored him, that must've been last night. Maybe they will finally give up on me. His palm presses against his chest, letting the pulse echo beneath his fingertips. It doesn't hurt but it should. He presses harder just to try. There's some distant ache that breaks through the meds, a reminder that he should be suffering. Well... more than he already is.

Somewhere buried beneath his luggage is his dead phone. Discarded to avoid the worried text messages from his friends. They would hate him for what he's done. So he left. It's better this way.

- - -

It is hard to see him like this. Minsik doesn't know what to do. Every phone call had been full of life, photos bright and energetic. How can all of that disappear so quickly? It's painful not knowing. Watching from the sidelines as his son slowly fades away. Today Taehyung is curled up beneath his blanket with his hoodie tugged tight over his forehead. He stares blankly out the window like usual, unmoving. His breakfast remains untouched on the bedside table, painkillers pushed aside. They can't keep doing this.

"Tae." He calls into the silence, taking a seat at the end of the bed to rest his palm across the boy's arm. He can feel the frailness. Tears sting at his eyes as he tries to keep them at bay. "Please talk to me." Taehyung's whole body quakes with suppressed everything; pain, anger, fear, despair. "Little tiger, I can't keep doing this. I feel helpless. I just want to know what happened." Taehyung doesn't move. When his voice croaks out there's an emptiness in his tone,

"I want to die." Minsik's lips pull tight as tears slip into each wrinkle of skin. "But I..." Taehyung swallows and closes his eyes. He sees the spirit soaked in rain, eyes filled with shame. A boy begging for comfort and understanding only to be met with anger. Whenever Taehyung pictures it his stomach twists with something different to the moment. It's his own shame. His fear and hatred for himself. Because he's giving up and yet... if he does, Rain will die. That tightness begs for tears, begs for any type of reaction that will satiate his need to scream. But he does nothing. He flinches when Minsik touchs his forehead, feeling calloused fingers smooth back his hair.

"Is there anything I can do?" He shakes his head and curls up tighter, groaning quietly into the tightness building inside his chest.

"I just want Rain back."

"You've been hiding from the rain."

"No." He swallows and tries to breathe through his nose, eyes squeezing tighter as he digs his fingers into his stomach. "No I want Rain. My frie– my... my partner." The silence takes over again as he feels his dad's fingers tracing his skin. It feels like fire burning through.

"Your partner? Do you mean Jungkook?" He nods. "Where did he go? Why were you fighting?" Each time his dad speaks the memory gets sharper. Burning against the inside of his skull as flashes of Rain's pleading eyes start to overwhelm him. Thunder cracks in his mind and something rumbles deep in his stomach. It's all shame. Eventually it runs out of room to spread, building up in his throat until he chokes up a dry cry,

"I love him!" He tries to hold it all in, breaths catching in his chest and expanding into gasps that break free. Between breaths he whispers incoherently, "– love him and– he– die– of me." It turns into hiccups, palms shoving over his mouth. Before he can begin to suffocate he feels arms wrapping around his torso, loosening the hold he has on himself to allow someone else to take the weight. Through each cry he tells his dad about the spirit, about his fate. Despite how insane he sounds Minsik silently listens. "–Can't ... look at him... without... without gu– ilt." He chokes and nearly gags, body convulsing against the bed as every bit of emotion crawls up his throat in attempt to escape. He claws at his skin, not realising it's his dad's arm bearing the attack. "I need him. I don't... he can't die!" Everything is shaking and it feels like an earthquake has hit him. Minsik can feel every flinch and tremble. It's hard to think of what to say. Part of it sounds fantastical. A delusion created from fatigue and dehydration. But whatever it is hurts. Minsik cradles his son's cheek as he whispers back,

"It's his choice, little tiger. Whatever he saw as this... spirit... clearly he didn't love it if he was willing to accept something so permanent as death." He kisses the boy's cheek. "Maybe he wants hospice too. A place to rest." He feels when Taehyung crashes into his own vulnerability, cries turning into uncontained sobs.

How could that thought never cross Taehyung's mind? How cruel he was to scream at the spirit when all he wanted was comfort. He'd never really thought about why Rain might’ve chosen this. Why would someone choose death? It should be such an easy thing for Taehyung to understand. How could he not realise how desperate Rain was? How he craved everything human because he wanted to live. Even if that meant dying.

The earth starts to settle beneath him as he comes to the slow realisation. Cries softening to exhausted breaths. He is held through all of it. How long has it been since Rain ran away? He doesn't know but it feels like forever.

"I need to find him." He mutters urgently, attempting to sit up only to collapse onto his limbs that have begun to feel numb. Something burns inside his throat but it isn't a figurative need for expression this time. Instead the vile taste of bile as it creeps up from his stomach. "Dad–" He gasps, doubling over as his body begins to seize up. "It's–" he chokes over each word, vomit spilling from his lips as he feels fingers against his neck. 
"My–"

"I know tiger, I'm on the phone." Details start to blur around him, fingertips numb. The only thing keeping him upright is his dad's torso. He hears the muffled conversation and a yell for their defibrillator. Taehyung shakes his head and gasps for air,

"No! No I– Rain!" Each word is a weight on his tongue, coming out garbled and airy. "He will die." Palms gently try to lay him down but he fights against it, needing to find the spirit and apologise. "No!"

"Tae, if you're safe, he's safe. So we need to focus on you okay? If your heart stops we can try to get it back. Do you want that?" Minsik asks him in the haze. Anchoring him to the one person, spirit, human, whatever he was... the one that was good to him despite it all.

"Yes. Yes. Please, just save Rain."

Chapter Text

The rejection taints anything good so he flees to another dream, searching for a place that wants him. But everywhere is the same. Hate and need coinciding so extremely that he is forgotten about. Even when he creates perfect puddles the children are too afraid to come outside and play. Why can't he remember anything else? What else does the world have that he has witnessed? What was it like to have hope? To want to rebuild a world he'd seen lost? Why does it only hurt now?

Chapter Text

Is being good not good enough?

Regret holds Rain within his dreams. Regret paints a picture of his mistakes in vibrant colours that accentuate his flaws. Regret laughs at his pitiful attempts at connection. Regret mocks him for giving up everything about himself just to love a human.

But Rain was good. All he did was try to be good. To do good. Regret doesn't care. Regret's voice drowns out his own until he's left paralysed to watch dramatised moments play out like movies.

Nobody finds him. The sun wakes to watch but eventually moves on. The clouds tussle to get a view through the canopies, laughing at the pathetic outcast. Even the trees droop to listen to his crying. None of them wake him. So days continue to pass and he remains in a deep psychosis. Tossing and turning with each of Regret's cruelly directed films.

If only he could die and be reborn into something else. But there's only one way he can die now.

- - -

Someone knocks on the door. It's midday and Taehyung sits on the couch staring out the window. The sound startles him from an empty haze since both his parents are at work and no one ever visits. It's just like before. Could it be... It's a naive thought yet he still hurries to open it. His weight is held by the cane that hasn't left his palm, nearly toppling over as he swings the door open with the tiniest amount of hope.

It's never what he wants.

A part of him feels guilty when his face pulls into a tight frown upon seeing two familiar friends. But neither of them are Rain. He tries to push the door shut again only to find a much stronger palm holds it still.

"Tae." Yoongi speaks first, stepping toward their friend who shrinks away like he's afraid. "What happened?" Taehyung hates that question. It's all anyone asks.

"Go away." He snarls back to them, retreating from the entrance to try and hide. But neither Yoongi or Hoseok give up easy. They follow him inside where he sinks into the couch, palms brushing across his face with a tremble.

"You don't mean that." Reasons Hoseok carefully as he tries to take a seat beside the boy. A hard plastic stick whacks against his knee, crumpling his posture until he hits the carpet with a thud. "Hey!"

"I said go away!" Taehyung seethes through gritted teeth, eyes cast down to the bruises on his legs that show beneath his pyjama shorts. Reminding him of the days it had taken just to be able to stand again.

"Why have you stopped talking to us, Tae? We... well we thought you'd–"

"Died?" He can't help the dry scoff that comes out, overtaken by an anger that masks his shame. "I thought I made it clear I didn't want to talk to you."

"Well none of us believe that." Hoseok argues as he cradles his knee. "You were so happy Tae. We had plans to meet up again. You and Rain–"

"JUST GO AWAY!" This time his scream is abrasive as he throws his cane at the people just trying to be good to him. Hoseok flinches as he catches the cane just in time. Yoongi steps in and pulls him to his feet.

"Taehyung." The older boy's voice is stern. It scares Taehyung. He curls up tighter into his body and turns away, trying to hold onto the tight strings pulling against his corneas. "Friends are supposed to help you. Why can't you accept that?"

"I–" He chokes on a sob, trying to stifle it with his sleeves. But nothing hides his body's tremble. Shame wins in the end, taking control of every nerve in his body.

"Fine. If you don't want us here we will leave. But we're here for a reason. Let us help." He remains silent as they watch him shake. After a minute Yoongi huffs and grabs Hoseok's arm to begin leaving. When their footsteps land on the hard wood floor of the hallway they hear the boy's voice,

"I lost Rain." They both freeze, a horrible feeling climbing their throats. "Not..." Taehyung tries to elaborate when he realises what's he's said, looking to the two with desperation spilling from his eyes. "He's alive. But I... He's gone. I scared him away." Yoongi breathes a sigh of relief; for both Rain's sake and their own. He returns to sit on the arm of the couch and looks to the boy with a patient wait. Through his tears Taehyung tries to explain. His words are poorly formed, some slurred and hard to catch. But the gist is clear enough: Rain isn't human and he's run away.

"A spirit?" Hums Yoongi curiously, recalling the poem about rain and earth. Remembering the way his eyes lit up like rain on a sunny day. Everything about him seemed too perfect. Too good and kind even when anyone got close. No human could be that perfect. They wouldn't be... human. "He is... a spirit?"

"I sound mad." Taehyung mumbles shamefully, biting at his fingernails. "But I'm telling the truth."

"We believe you." Hoseok answers hastily, affirming the boy's story in hopes to hear more. "You said he's lost? What does that mean?"

"He doesn't have a home. He doesn’t do anything when he's not with me. He... I don't know what will happen to him."

"Do you know where he could be?" Taehyung shakes his head helplessly.

"He was so scared... I... I don't know. The market isn't open... he... he doesn't have anywhere else. No home, no friends, no... shelter."

I grew these woods, I know my way.

Would he go there? It was so far from here.

Life brings an end, I guess it's different when you don't get to choose it. But I've always envied that. The idea of endings, what it means and how it looks.

Rain had been telling him since the start what he wanted. It feels awful to know he had shut the spirit down when he should've supported him. Of all people to understand death...

"There's a place." He says aloud, eyelids fluttering closed so that the last few tears can drop to his cheeks. "I can't get there. My..." He touches his chest, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "I'm feeling really weak lately."

"We can find him." Hoseok affirms confidently. "He's our friend too. Where do we need to go?"

- - -

It's a beautiful place on the edge of town. A forest with tall narrow trees where light flows between them. The paths through the forest wide and expansive. On the humid week day it's a ghosttown. They wander the paths calling out for the spirit. Nothing responds except their distant echo and the occasional bird. When the wind changes the trees call too but nothing ever answers. An hour goes by and they're drenched in sweat from the heat, throats raw from yelling in every direction. Eventually they step off the worn track, descending into the denser parts of the forest where roots interrupt the path. Yoongi stops by a tree to rest, panting into the air that feels like it's stuck in his lungs.

"We could be here all day Hobi. We can't just wander aimlessly."

"And we can't just give up on him either. If he's here then it's been days. He could be hurt." Yoongi nods with a grimace, taking in a deep breath before pushing himself forward to continue the search. They call and walk for another hour before an opening catches their attention. It's not the light shining through or the flowers in the grass that catch their eye. It's the vibrant pink of familiarity that has them both sprinting toward it. As they close in the boy's full body starts to come into focus. His clothes, once white and loose, now clings to his body with a layer of mud over top.

Rain is sprawled out in the grass, face scrunched up into a harrowing grimace. His fingers dig into the earth beneath him, unconsciously clawing at something. Despite his eyes being shut and his body limp, his lips quiver with shapes of words, some occasionally slipping free to form something coherent. "I'm sorry." Hoseok rushes to his side and grabs his shoulders,

"Rain!" He shouts desperately, beginning to shake his body to elicit a response. Nothing changes. Rain remains lost in his mind, reaching for intangible things. Yoongi takes a different approach. He cups the boy's cheeks and tries to rub at his temples, speaking calmly as he does so,

"Rain, you need to wake up." He urges, thumb digging into his cheek. It makes him flinch but nothing else. Touching his skin is like trying to hold an ice cube. It burns into Yoongi's skin with a painful sear. He can't hold on for long before his own skin feels like it'll burn. "He's freezing." Hoseok moves to his bare skin to feel what Yoongi means, eyes widening in alarm.

"Is he dying?"

"I ... I don't know. Tae said he was different so maybe it's– whatever it doesn't matter. We need to get him home." Hoseok nods and proceeds to dig his arms beneath the spirit's body, cradling him close until he can get to his feet. It's hard not to flinch away from the cold burn of his bare skin. Neither of them say anything as they attempt to escape the woodlands. The only sounds are Rain's whimpers and cries as he descends deeper into his subconscience.

- - -

The door opens to someone new. A woman with an apron on. She must be Taehyung's mother. Whoever she is doesn't matter because the second she spots the boy in their arms she tugs them inside and starts scurrying down the hallway.

"Bring him here!" Eunju calls for them to follow, twisting at the bath taps so that steaming hot water gushes into the tub. "Taehyung!" She shouts whilst keeping her full focus on the pink haired boy. She takes him from Hoseok's arms and hastily pulls his clothes off. Then she lays him in the bath and begins to splash water across his arms and chest. "Get some food from the fridge and some fresh clothes. Send Taehyung in here if you see him." She orders to the two guests, palm pressed to Rain's forehead to feel the strange temperature of his body. Minsik told her what their son had said. Maybe he was telling the truth because this boy should be dead.

As she's focusing on warming him up she hears the clatter of her son's plastic cane hitting the floor. When she turns her head she sees Taehyung in the doorway, whole body rigid in horror. His eyes are glued to the pale lifelessness of the spirit's body. He looks dead except for the way he twitches and mumbles incoherently. It's impossible to stare for more than a few seconds before he turns sharply and chokes on a sob. He collapses to the ground and shudders a full body chill. It was like staring into a mirror. Rain's lips were so blue and he looked so frail. Every part of Taehyung wants to run away because he can't face what he's done.

This is my fault.

"Taehyung." Eunju's voice cuts through the noise, sharp and stern. "Come here." He shakes his head and brings his arms over his face. "Taehyung." He shudders at her tone. It's not mean but it's serious. "Come. Here." Even if he wants to do the opposite, he hesitantly crawls across the tiles until his mum pulls him to her side. She hugs his shoulders and kisses his temple before taking his arm to drape it over the edge of the tub. "I need to get him something to eat. Sit with him. Don't run away." His fingers dip into the hot water, sending electrifying sensations up his arm.

She leaves and he's alone with his spirit, eyes glazing across his sunken features. Despite it all he's still so pretty, hair remaining that vibrant pink and cheeks flushed from the heat of the water he's submerged in. Still his skin is cold when Taehyung traces his palm across it. Only he knows why; Rain doesn't feel loved.

"I'm sorry." Taehyung whispers through tear drenched lips, thumb brushing across the boy's cheek. Rain doesn't react to the touch but his eyes scrunch up tighter as something tortures him from within. The spirit's lips barely part for two words to escape,

"I'm sorry..." His is harder to understand, but Taehyung feels his stomach sink when he realises.

"Rain please." He calls out but no one answers. With any strength he can manage he pulls himself over the edge of the bath, hovering over the spirit as he slips a hand beneath the water to entwine their fingers. "Please wake up." It's naivety at best when he kisses the boy hoping it would fix everything. The kiss feels wrong, one sided. He only lingers for two seconds before pulling back, staring at the unchanging state of his spirit. "I don't know what to do." Saliva sticks to his lips as it mixes with his tears, clogging each breath with regret. "Rain!" He shouts like it will make a difference, squeezes at the hand in his with a violent amount of pressure. "RAIN!!!" His scream startles those watching from the hallway, exchanging glances helplessly. Eunju can't just sit back and watch when Taehyung drops his chin to his chest and begins to wail painful cries. She returns to his side and hugs him tight, shushing down each gasp.

- - -

Nothing changes over the next three hours. Meaning Taehyung doesn’t move. He's glued to the ceramic edge, staring at the one person who he should've cherished. Other's come and go, bringing food, water, or meds. The water in the tub gets refreshed to drain away the muddy residue on Rain's skin.

What can Taehyung do? He doesn't even know if Rain is in his own body anymore. Is his spirit gone? Did he return to whatever he was before and these are his remains? But that doesn't seem like an option. Human's don't get another way out and Rain made it abundantly clear that he wanted to be everything a human is.

What would Rain do if he were here? He would probably try to play a game or make them dance. Something foolishly simple and unserious despite how grave everything feels. Because Rain just wanted to be good.

Taehyung pulls his phone from his pocket and navigates to his music history. In the list is the song that started this. A song that creates a bitter taste in his mouth. Not because he didn't love every moment of their dance, but because of everything that came after. He hits play and puts the volume at its maximum. The music has a tin like echo in the ceramic room. He closes his eyes and listens to the lyrics. He doesn't want to sing but Rain would tell him to. To try.

"Give me reasons we should be complete. You should be with them I can't compete." Why did we pick such a sad song to dance to? "You looked at me like I was someone else..." Rain would never be with anyone else. The song feels uncharacteristically foreign yet... Taehyung knows the heartbreak. Not from another love or broken relationships, but from realising how deeply he needs this boy in his life. How hollow it becomes without him. How much he doesn't deserve him... "Can't you see?" He's not even singing in tune but he continues each lyric. He pulls Rain closer and wraps him in a hug tighter than any he's ever given. His clothes soak through but he keeps their bodies close, lips pressed to pink hair as their song plays in the background. "Can you?" He murmurs into the touch, allowing himself to cry harder, chest aching from the weight of it all. "Please." The song plays on a loop and Taehyung falls asleep with the human spirit in his arms.

Chapter Text

Something is soft. A gentle reprieve of the onslaught in his mind. For awhile that's all it is. A sensation that tickles like the way a fluffy blanket leaves static across skin. It lingers in between the dreams, softening the blow. When he starts to watch someone drowning, he's pulled away into a flourishing garden. When screams try to take over he's led toward the places where children are playing in the puddles. A balanced reasoning to all of the moments embedded in his false memory.

Then it becomes more than just a sensation. It starts to feel like pressure, a hold on his body keeping him from falling. He breathes into it for the first time in what has felt like eternity. Longer than any war he's ever witnessed. It's selfish to compare such incomparable things, but every part of his mind has become centred on this body he's in. So humanly stuck in his own experience that everything else comes second.

Overtime he starts to hear breath and it sounds like a heartbeat. He sighs into it, reminded of the breath in his own lungs. He echoes each sound until he's feeling the oxygen spreading through him. His eyelids start to feel heavy and he struggles to lift them. The next few feelings are far less appealing. Sound starts to echo eerily and his skin feels damp. His fingers curl and he feels wet cloth atop skin.

Rain finally opens his eyes and he stares at the tiled wall blankly, trying to ground himself in the space. He flicks his head down to see what the pressure is, lips pressing tight when he sees the arms holding him possessively. He sinks his head to the human's chest, catching each breath and beat. He shudders a relieved sigh, face tilting to kiss at the collarbone holding him steady. He lifts his head to see the boy he has been yearning for, head lolled to the side with eyes screwed shut and mouth slightly parted.

A shiver runs through every part of Rain's body when he spots himself in the mirror, skin a pasty colour and ... and uncomfortably bare. He doesn't get time to stare before he feels Taehyung's arms pulling him in tighter, like he had felt the way he had shivered and was trying to keep him warm. Such a simple action breaks any calm resolve Rain thought he had, head drooping and eyes squeezing shut to hold onto whatever tears he has left. When he tries to hold them back his hands subconsciously tighten, nails biting into skin that isn't his own. Taehyung grunts and his head starts to move. Rain can't hold it anymore, his lips quiver as he feels the tears start to spill, fingers leaving his human to wipe them away frantically. Something stops the force of movement, pulling his wrists away so he's left staring at bleary eyes through foggy tears.

"Rain?" His voice is so heavy that he sounds like he's still asleep. But then his eyes get wider and he's yanking the other closer with no regard for tenderness. "YOU'RE ALIVE!"  His shriek is sharp on the ears but he doesn't care. All he can focus on are those stormy eyes staring back at him as the rain pours down. He tugs at Rain's nape until he's kissing him with a fervency that wakes any remaining parts of Rain's psyche. Fingers get tangled in his hair as he's held in the strangely damp warmth of the embrace. Rain is still hazy as he tries to get his bearings.

"Y–" An attempt to talk is futile when Taehyung is pulling him in so firmly. "T–" he tries to pull away from the insistent kiss and it finally clicks for the other who snaps back with confusion written all over his face. "What happened?" Rain whispers, eyes flicking to his reflection then back to his human. "Tae why am I– why are you wet?"

"It's complicated. But Rain you're freezing." So that's why everything feels so warm despite the chill of the room. Rain touches his own skin whilst his other hand remains on Taehyung's arm. The temperature difference is stark. "Mum tried to warm you up but... but I knew it wouldn't work."

"Why?"

"Rain. I love you. I'm sorry I made you think I didn't." The words hit him square in the chest, knocking the wind out of his stomach from each breath he'd only briefly regained.

"I..." What do I do?

"Do you hate me?" He hears the pain in Taehyung's voice when it cracks on the middle word.

"Oh Tae no, of course not." An ounce of warmth spreads into his fingertips where Taehyung holds him steady. "I just... I don't understand how I got here. I'm... I'm confused." It's disorienting. Last he remembers was running away. Then a barrage of terrible feelings.

"Hobi and Yoongi found you. They... they brought you here. Rain it's been over a week, you were in the forest, unconscious." That part makes sense. He can still feel the crawling of bugs and the silent mockery of the world stained across his skin.

"I got lost." He mumbles.

"You're safe here."

"What about–" He stops when he feels the way Taehyung's body tenses beneath him. "Tae we have to–"

"I can't Rain. I can't."

"You told me to leave. You screamed at me. I need to know what changed." Taehyung huffs and turns away without letting go, exhale sharp through his nose.

"We should get you something to change into. I'll get a towel." The spirit unwillingly let's go when he gets up, nearly toppling over his own feet as he grips the towel rail. He doesn't talk to Rain again for a long time.

- - -

It's strange being back in the human's bedroom. Sitting on the soft mattress staring out the glass doors to see the sun rise lighting up the mountains in the far distance. Taehyung comes and go, bringing things for comfort: hot chocolate, blankets and fuzzy socks. All Rain wants is him. On the fourth attempt to escape being alone together Rain catches his arm and holds him there.

"You can't avoid this."

"I can." He hums with determination.

"Why aren't you mad at me still?"

"I am." Taehyung snaps, tearing himself away to cross his arms over his body protectively. "Of course I'm mad Rain. But I thought you were dead."

"I can't die without you."

"Just stop talking about it!"

"Don't yell at me!" Snarks Rain back, shoving the blankets off his body to rise to the other's height. He stares directly into Taehyung's eyes as he speaks, "Stop pushing everyone away because you're scared. You can be mad, but don't tell me to leave." Taehyung's fingers anchor at the base of his neck, wringing at his skin as he tries to breathe through the emotion resurfacing.

"I–" He can't speak without it coming out wrong so he doesn't for awhile. Instead he paces, hobbling back and forth with slow deliberate breaths. Rain watches quietly. After five minutes he stills and turns to the spirit. "I'm sorry." He starts slowly. "I didn't want you to leave Rain, but I thought that if – if you got near me it would make things worse. I don't want to be the reason you d–ie." He chokes on the last word, head bowing. Silently Rain pulls Taehyung in, admiring every detail of his face so he never forgets it. Every mole, line and blemish captured like constellations he can search for. He kisses Taehyung's lips with a warmth that soothes and shakes his head.

"You are the reason I am alive, Tae. I don't want you to think about anything beyond that."

"But I have to. How can I just go about living when I know that you'll lose everything too?" Rain catches his tears to stop them seeping into his mouth.

"Just like you did before I told you. Me choosing life was never just about you. Eternity isn't pretty. It's painful and it's lonely. I wanted to live not watch. You gave  me that, and death is just a part of it. You know you are going to die yet you continue to live. So why can't you still do that?"

"I feel like a murderer." His words are so heavy and genuine. It hurts to see him like this.

"Tae..."

"I'm going to kill you." Rain cups his cheek to keep their gazes locked, needing to keep Taehyung present in his body not his head. They can't do this again. Left to his own mind Taehyung will spiral.

"Stop saying that."

"Why because it scares you?" There's no malice in his tone this time. But it still looks like it hurts. "Does hearing me say that make you angry? Afraid? Guilty? How can you expect me to live life normally knowing I will never be able to hope for your future? That I will destroy your life the moment my heart fails me. Knowing that you will never live to be old. That your life will be wasted..." It's no longer anger or a lack of understanding. It's misery over the unwilling part he must play in this.

"Tae, no second of my life so far has been wasted, and none ever will be. I want this." Everything feels delicate and Rain is scared of what emotion might show up next. But he won't run away again. "Yes I'm afraid, but isn't that the most humane feeling of all? Please. I want to be human and I want to be human with you. No one else. I couldn't live in a world without you." Standing for too long starts to take a toll on Taehyung's body, legs shaking. Tenderly, Rain pulls them to the edge of the bed, palms touching as their fingers intertwine and he brings them to his chest that beats in an elevated state of adrenaline. "I'm alive, Tae. So are you. Isn't that enough for now?" He's quiet. The whole house is quiet. Anything is better than screaming. Rain rests his head atop the boy's shoulder, hands held firm. With everything happening he hadn't noticed the rain outside. No feeling inside to remind him of its presence. He watches it fall and wonders how far it will reach in the world. Eventually Taehyung notices too.

"What will happen to the rain?" When you die? But he's not ready to say that part out loud. He feels the squeeze in his hand and turns to see Rain smiling peacefully up at him.

"It will continue to exist, and we will find eachother again somewhere new. Just returning to some place else, like nature always does." It's obvious he believes that. True faith shining through his bright eyes that are shadowed by the blush pink of his hair.

"You know I don't believe in that." Bites Taehyung apathetically.

Chapter Text

The chill in Rain's bones doesn't go away. It lingers in every movement and shiver that keeps him curled up in a thick duvet, nose buried into soft fabric to soothe the burn of the cold. It's hard to settle into the night even if he knows he's safe here. He looks up at where Taehyung is laying silently. It's impossible to tell if he's awake. He wants to hug the boy, feel the warmth again, but he doesn't know how to ask. So he just stares, wondering if Taehyung dreams like he does. If he does are they cruel like his? As he's admiring the body shifts and eyes appear when Taehyung turns onto his side.

"Can't sleep?" Rain shakes his head. Taehyung lifts the corner of the blanket and scoots over, leaving a silent invitation that Rain accepts without question. It leaves a warm flush against his cheeks when the duvet encircles them both and Taehyung's arm encircles his body. He cocoons himself in the embrace, head resting against the other's chest. No words are shared. Every touch is gentle. Rain closes his eyes to focus on the warmth spreading across his skin. It feels cozy... safe. A feeling that makes sleep that little bit easier.

When he's just beginning to dose off he feels movement. Then Taehyung kisses his cheek and whispers against his ear,

"I missed you." Something ignites from the place his human kisses him, like heat bursting from his skin. Taehyung notices too, eyes lighting up with realisation. "You're warmer."

"Then keep going." Whispers Rain through sleepy eyelids. A pleasant hum vibrates across his lips as Taehyung wraps his arms around his body and kisses more of his cheek then down his neck and to his shoulder. The kisses trail down his arm to his fingertips that start to feel numb from the heat. Every moment of contact like hot water trickling across his skin except this time it penetrates deeper than a surface level warmth. It simmers inside of him until his eyes haze over in bliss. He squeaks when he feels hands tugging at his waist, bringing their bodies impossibly closer until there's several contact points that are lighting his body on fire. Taehyung's fingers trace every bit of skin, following the path of his lips until he's kissing the spirit's nape and behind his ears. It almost burns. But Rain doesn't ask him to stop.

In the warmth he finds himself sinking into this comforting headspace where all tension falls away. His arms barely cling onto his human to keep himself from falling. That's not something he has to worry about with the grip Taehyung has around his torso. Everything feels better like this.

"I never want to leave you again." Rain murmurs into the heat. Smile relaxed and thin but everpresent. Taehyung chuckles at this new kind of sickness; love sickness. He pulls their bodies apart just long enough to twist Rain so their noses touch. Hands remaining tangled in fairy floss hair. Eyes staying glued to swirling glitter within stormy irises. He leaves one last peck to Rain's lips before he closes his eyes and settles back into the pillow. Rain stares like he always does. He watches every little change, wondering what it would be like for them to be this entwined more than just physically.

"What if we got married?" Most of the question is a whisper. A secret spilt too soon. Some small part of Rain hopes he didn't hear; not wanting to be too much. The rest wants to say it louder. Taehyung blinks slowly and stares wearily. Glittery eyes crease into a goofy smile that has him trying to refocus on the lips that move. "Tae?"

"Hm?"

"I said–" married.

"Did you just say married?" Taehyung sobers at the sudden realisation and snaps up on the bed, staring down onto the giddy spirit who nods like it's such a nonchalant topic. "What–"

"I said we should get married."

"You're insane."

"I'm serious." Rain sits up to mirror him, tongue in cheek as he studies the expression staring back at him. "If we've only got a few months or a year, we should. Have a ceremony and everything."

"Rain hold - hold on." Stutters Taehyung skittishly like he's about to bolt. Granted he wouldn't get far with his current strength. "Marriage is a big thing."

"And I have big feelings for you." Answers Rain like it's the only logical next step.

"We met five months ago..."

"And we might die in two. I'd say we're overdue." Taehyung is so stunned he sits blankly and watches whilst Rain hops up from the bed and prances around the side. Seamlessly he slips down onto his knee and grabs at a hairtie on the ground. "Taehyung–"

"You can't be serious–"

"–Will you marry me?" He offers out the hairtie with hands shaped like a hinged box, cheeks puffed up with anticipation. His iris' shine in the sheer craziness of it all. In contrast, Taehyung feels like he's falling and he doesn't know if it's a good or bad fall. Suddenly he's painfully aware of the heart inside him because it's trying to get out.

It's stupid and rash to propose like this. But he also knows Rain is completely serious... and Taehyung seriously wants it.

"Yes." He responds calmer than he would've expected. Rain pummels into him with a full force hug that knocks the wind out of him. They fall to the bed with Rain clinging on tight, lips peppering his cheeks as the spirit rests the hairtie across his nose. "I'll get the real thing. We're gonna have lots of flowers and music and that pretty arch thing that we'll stand under! And I'm gonna wear a white suit!!! And you can wear whatever you want! Oh!" Rain darts away in a rush, bouncing around the room as he continues to spill every thought in his brain, "We'll get you a sparkly cane! And and and rain boots so we can puddle jump after!" Taehyung isn't able to form words. All he can do is stare in admiration of the spirit as he nods along to every outrageous idea.

We're getting married.

The smile on his face hurts in the best way.

- - -

Now how does he tell his parents? There's no way Rain can keep a secret. Besides, they'll probably need to pay for everything. How does he explain he's gone from a hermit to a fiancé in under a year? Just thinking about it has his mind melting in overdrive. He stares at the hairtie around his wrist, digging into discoloured skin. They come home in an hour and would immediately start cooking dinner. They're walking on eggshells around him because of everything. It's not fair on them. Taehyung knows he's a jerk sometimes. It hurts to remember the way he treats people when things get too much. Yet everytime it happens he can't stop it.

If Rain wasn't Rain he would have left a long time ago.

But he is Rain. He's impatiently patient, unbearably honest, and emotionally open. He's all the things Taehyung needs. He's... he's going to marry him. In the empty room he laughs aloud, face falling into his palms as the reality continues sinking in.

- - -

Dinner smells great but it makes him sick. He sits beside Rain with one hand on his fork and the other intertwined with the spirit's. It's obvious he's nervous. Both of them notice but don't say anything.

"I need to tell you something." He mumbles sheepishly, unable to maintain eye contact.

"What is it tiger?"

"I know you don't believe what I said about Rain. But ... but I still want you to know." Minsik shakes his head and smiles,

"Tae of course we believe you." He flicks a glance to Eunju who nods along with a slight frown.

"It's a lot to ask anyone to believe."

"That is true." Hums his mother warily.

"Rain is what I said he is. And the reason we were fighting was because he's sick too. And he doesn't have very long, like me." Eunju looks at the spirit sitting quietly. When they lock eyes he nods solemnly.

"I'm sorry to hear... Rain."

"It's okay. I'm happy here." The hand in his squeezes tightly, a gentle reassurance.

"Is there anything we can do to make things more comfortable for you?"

"Well –" Rain begins but then he lets Taehyung take over.

"Please promise me you won't freak out." They both nod with a little uncertainty. "We, um, we, well – Rain... Wewanttogetmarried." He blurts each word in quick succession, eyes locked to his plate. "It's not a serious thing and we won't do any of the legal stuff. It's just cause we can. And ... and it can be small, just in the backyard. We don't even have to have people over or anything–"

"Baby." Eunju cuts in softly, reaching across to take hold of his hand. Only then does he realise he's shaking. She waits until he's looking at her before she speaks with a bright smile, "It sounds wonderful!"

"Really?"

"Really, tiger." Minsik insists with a grin.

"C'mere." He is invited into his mother's arms as she hugs him loosely and pats down his hair. "We will help in whatever way we can. You can have whatever you'd like, just say the word."

"Well not whatever." Minsik jokes with a chuckle. "We were never blessed with the funds to have a yacht or a castle."

"There goes my grand idea." Huffs Rain with an exaggerated pout, eyes alight with misted rainbows. Minsik sees it and stares in astonished wonder, mesmerised by the colours shifting within his iries.

"You're magical." He whispers in awe, like he's truly beginning to believe it. Rain gives him the biggest grin until his eyelids crease up.

- - -

Most of Taehyung's wardrobe is dull long sleeve shirts and hoodies paired with loose sweatpants or linen trousers. The idea of wearing a suit feels so foreign. The only time he'd ever thought about a suit was what he would wear to his funeral. It had never been a serious thought because he never knew when it would happen. But it's a reality he'll have to face soon. Maybe he'd wear the same one he's searching for now...

As he scours the internet for inspiration his notebook sits across his thigh with a messily written list of styles, colours and tailoring. There's so many options and all of them feel boring. Grey? Black? White? Green? Brown? His finger fiddles with the corner of the page as he ponders each idea, flicking it up until he spots the unfinished poem on the previous page. As he reads over each word he smiles fondly. It's a silly concept. Human's wouldn't be earth spirits, they destroy everything they touch. But he wants to believe that's what they are. Spirits meeting in human bodies. That maybe after everything they'll meet in a different place.

The end hasn't come yet, so he doesn't know how to finish it. But it does give him an idea. He starts searching for a specific style, something far more niche and complicated to source. But... his parents did say he could have anything.

As he's looking a notification pops up on his screen. It's from a groupchat he hasn't looked at since Yoongi and Hoseok left that day. He didn't even say thank you, too wrapped up in Rain to even think about it. He bites his lip and taps on the notification, curiosity eating away. It's a part of a bigger conversation about the five planning a catch up in a nearby town. Something about a lunch and drinks. He reads it over and let's his thumb hover over the keyboard. For a minute he stays paralysed, watching messages roll in. If they notice his 'read' alert they don't comment on it. Hoseok adds into the chat,

Bring pressies! We might not see Joon before his birthday.

Seokjin adds,

Do you not understand the concept of secrets?

Hoseok reacts with the puppy eyes emoji.

With a nervously held breath Taehyung types hastily,

Could Rain and I come?

There's an immediate onslaught of messages, waves of reactions and excitement in all caps. A separate message pops up from Yoongi outside of the chat,

How is he? Rain.

Like he was summoned, the spirit wanders through the door with cheeks full of marshmallows and bright eyes. He grins foolishly and one spills from his mouth as he catches it with his hand. Taehyung doesn’t know how to sum it up so he takes a photo of the boy without a word and sends it back to Yoongi. Rain's eyes widen into a confused pout before continuing to chew on the excessive amount of marshmallows in his mouth. He plops down on the bed beside his human and rests his head to his shoulder as he spots the poem in the book. He reads it with a soft smile that's only slightly disfigured by the snack. Once he's able to speak he turns to Taehyung and kisses his cheek, lips sticking to his skin slightly from the sugar. He giggles and whispers reminiscently,

"My earth friend." Taehyung notices and hastily shuts the notebook, cheeks reddening.

"It's a stupid poem." He sounds so defensive it makes Rain giggle more.

"I liked it.

"It's not finished."

"You've already told me you love me, you don't have to hide it." His grin widens. "Besides, we're gonna be married!"

"Oh my god that sounds insane everytime I hear it." Taehyung mutters with a sigh as he turns his phone off and turns to the boy with a soft smile.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not even twenty!" Only parts of his nervous complaints are serious.

"Well I'm not even one and simultaneously a bejillion years old. So does any of that really matter?" Rain pecks at his lips this time, tasting as sweet as he looks. "Can we have roses?" Taehyung is so distracted by the addictive taste.

"What?"

"At the wedding."

"Oh right. Yeah, I think so. Mum gave me a budget that we can work with. I'm trying to find suits. My poem gave me an idea." He goes back to his pinterest, ignoring the text notifications. "I know you said you wanted to wear a white suit, but what if we could make something like this," he shows a photo of a man wearing a white suit bejewelled in blue gems that imitate rain drops. Rain's mouth drops and he gasps dramatically, yanking the phone closer to inspect every detail.

"Please! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!" He squeals and kicks his legs excitedly. Taehyung chuckles and pulls him closer to stop him from falling off the bed. "What about you?"

"Well..." he searches 'earth suit' and a few options pop up, some including rich browns and greens, other's forest greens with bedazzled leaves. Rain picks one that has an elegant green coat with matching gems to his own.

"This one. My earth love."

Chapter Text

The quaint store welcomes Taehyung warmly as he wanders through the aisles with curious eyes roving all around. Occasionally he flicks his attention over to where his spirit is crouched down inspecting each item closely. Everything in the store shines with an overwhelming regalness.

Jewellery has never been Taehyung's style. For one, its not the most hospital friendly, since any metal has to be removed for procedures. But other than that it has always felt shallow; adornments with no purpose. His first and only bracelet was the one that stays wrapped around his wrist with it's clacking sound effects when the plastic beads collide.

This time it's more than just a way to pass time, it's a promise, a commitment. It has to be perfect. It's hard not to wonder what Rain might choose, but that is the beauty of such a surprise. He picks one that embodies Rain, and Rain does the same in return. But how can he encapsulate the spirit's boundless soul in a simple ring? The aisles stretch with hundreds of designs, locally made of cheap nickel that ephemerally shines. They don't need to last forever; just long enough.

At least for now he's narrowed it down to silver of some kind. It suits the boy's complexion as well as his nature. Some have bright gemstones in them, greens, reds and blues. One has a drop shaped blue stone that draws his eye and he picks it up to inspect it closer. The blue feels too bold, too obvious. Rain may be a rain spirit, but he is more than the element that coincides with the weather. He's everchanging and vibrant whilst remaining so incomprehensibly pure. He's incandescent. A few rows down where the sunlight pools he spots a silver band with a smaller gemstone in it. When he picks it up he instantly knows it's the one. The stone is an imitation of a white opal, with flecks of all the colours of a rainbow that would appear when the sun hits the rain. It's everything he sees in the boy he loves.

- - -

Rain prances around the store with far more energy. He must do atleast three laps of the place before he starts to intentionally search for the right ring. Every bright surface catches his eye. How can he pick just one? Taehyung would suit any of these, his warm skin tone matching perfectly with the gorgeous golds. He'd look beautiful with something red, bringing out that warmth in his cheeks when they hold eachother close. But red is too bold for a boy like Taehyung. He crouches down to get a closer look at the details on each ring, letting the impulsive responses in his brain reject the ones that don't immediately feel right. He washes over the blues and the oranges, too vibrant and loud. Taehyung is quiet and reserved, with a passion hidden within him that can make him stubborn and firm. Everyday he becomes more grounded in who he is, weaving the life he wants for himself despite it all.

Rain's cheeks squish up in glee when he spots a golden band with vines wrapping around the circumference. They meet at the highest point, tiny specks of green gemstones embedded in each leaf.

- - -

By the time Rain emerges from the store, Taehyung is curled up on the bench outside with his head resting against his knees. He looks asleep but when the click of the door alerts him he looks up and something brightens in his eyes.

"What took you so long?!" He whines impatiently, dragging the spirit to his side so that he could lace their fingers together.

"They were all so pretty. I got distracted." Rain fiddles with the little box in his hand, suddenly nervous. Surprisingly Taehyung feels none of that. Instead he pulls Rain in to kiss his nose gently before he holds out his own box.

"Here." He cracks the velvet casing open to reveal the opalescent ring. "Do you see the way that your joy is expressed through your eyes? They shine, Rain. Like an opal." Gently he takes the silent spirit's hand and slips the ring onto his finger. Instantly Rain curls them together and kisses him back, smile unable to be contained. When he opens his eyes they are shining just like described.

"I didn't even see this one. I was so distracted thinking about you." Murmurs the boy in awe, inspecting it closely whilst he fiddles with his own box. Suddenly he's doubting his choice. Maybe the one with the bright ruby would've been better... or one with no gem at all and a simpler design...

"Rain? Are you going to share yours?" Taehyung traces his fist that seems to crush the ring box. "Are you nervous?" His whisper has a fond teasing tone that holds no true weight. He caresses each of his spirit's knuckles to loosen the grasp. "Can I look?" Rain nods timidly. It's unlike the boisterous boy Taehyung's used to. His smile pulls into an even bigger grin when he opens the box and sees the beautiful choice. Earth... that's what it embodies. "It's perfect, Rain." He whispers in awe. Before he can touch it his hand gets slapped away, and Rain is hurriedly taking the box back. "Wha–"

"I have to put it on you." Pouts the spirit, gesturing for his partner's hand. Through a chuckle Taehyung holds it out so that Rain can return the gesture. Their fingers lock together instantly, folding over until the rings sit side by side. Two completely different designs that feel so perfectly balanced. For what would the rain be without the earth to catch it?

- - -

Seeing his friends again after such a long time leaves a quesy feeling in Taehyung's stomach. All of them, together, with questions he's afraid to answer. How does he explain such awful actions? Atleast Yoongi and Hoseok know what happened. Maybe they told everyone. Maybe they'd understand. But he knows he's not a good friend. It's hard to be.

They stand outside the bowling alley the group had settled on. Rain clings to his arm as his eyes dart all over, mouth gaping. Taehyung clenches his fist in his pocket. He spots their friends' van in the car park and swallows. Why am I so nervous? Rain feels his tense muscles and squeezes reassuringly.

"They will understand."

"I still feel guilty."

"You have had a lot going on." Rain tries to reason.

"Doesn't give me an excuse to be an asshole."  Mutters Taehyung sharply.

"Harsh."

"You ran away from me in tears, Rain. You nearly died." The spirit shrugs.

"I forgive you. Now please can we go inside?"

"Fine."

"That's the spirit!"

"No, you're the spirit." Quips Taehyung sarcastically, receiving a hit to his arm in response as they wander inside and begin searching for the group. They aren't hard to find, huddled up by the front desk getting their shoe sizes matched.

"There you are!" Shouts Seokjin the moment he spots them, gesturing them over as he checks their feet and proceeds to call for some more size options. Hoseok pulls them both into a hug, Rain returning it with just as much vigor. Taehyung smiles and reciprocates loosely.

"It's so good to see you!!! Alive and well." He adds the last bit in a whisper, with one extra squeeze to Rain. Taehyung taps his fingernails against his cane as he watches them all exchange conversation. Excited welcomes and queries of wellness passed in his direction. Namjoon appears in front of him with a pair of red and white shoes.

"For you."

"Oh. Thank you..." It's definitely his mind playing tricks on him, but he feels like an outsider. Conversation comes so easily to them all, even Rain. All Taehyung can think about is how much he doesn't deserve this. There's a persistent voice in his head that argues each self-deprecating remark. One that reminds him that love and friendship aren't conditional. That he doesn't have to be perfect.

Then there's a louder voice by his side,

"Look at my shoes! They glow in the dark!!!" Rain does a little dance as he shows off his green shoes that give off the faintest glow in the dimly lit venue. "Put yours on! C'mon!" The first demand gets disregarded since Rain begins dragging them down the carpeted area towards where their lanes are being set up. There's two sides that the boys all set up on as they type in their nicknames and pick out their ball size. Taehyung looks warily at the options, wondering if he'll even be able to pick one up with how weak he's become.

"Can I have the pink one?" Chirps Rain as he points it out to Namjoon.

"That's the largest size, it'll be heavy."

"But it's pink. And I want the pink one." The other laughs and shrugs.

"You can try. What about you Tae?" He stares at the wall of colours and swallows nervously.

"I... I don't think I'll play."

"Aww Tae why not?" Jimin has a teasing whine in his query that makes him shrink smaller.

"I just–" He fiddles with the shoes still in his lap, feeling panic rise in his throat. This is a game that requires a functioning body, why did I agree to this? His whole body must seize up because he feels fingers rest over his own, cold metal bringing his mind back.

"Tae?"

"I can't lift it." He whispers to Rain.

"Oh." The spirit looks at the other people playing across the lanes, noting the way they all swing the ball before releasing it. When Namjoon passes him the pink ball it lands in his lap like lead, eliciting a grunt of surprise as he feels how heavy the ball is. "Is... is there a lighter one?"

"What's up? You gotta wear the shoes to play Tae. Are they the wrong size?" Asks Hoseok as he passes and spots the queasiness on his face. He looks around then back to the boy.

"I can't..." Taehyung repeats weakly.

"Can't what?"

"Lift the ball." Rain adds, still patting his human's hand.

"Oh that's fine they have these ramp things you can use. Sorry we should have explained that!" Hoseok gestures for Seokjin to grab the weird contraption by his side. "You line it up on the lane and then we can help you with the ball so that you just have to push it off. Here, test it out." The three guide him to the lane and help to set it all up. Rain heaves the pink ball onto the starting point and steps back so that Taehyung can look down the lane and line it up. When he feels confident with the angle he gives a gentle shove to the ball that topples off balance with ease and goes flying down the ramp. It rockets off the end and pummels down the lane until it crashes with the pins at the very end. Eight pins are taken out with ease, leaving two at the back standing.

"You're a natural!" Cheers Jimin from the seats, grabbing for another ball. "Now you gotta aim for the last two!" After everything is set back up Taehyung manages to hit the final two, marking his beginning score with a spare.

"We might have to watch out for you!" He chuckles at the boys' light hearted competitiveness, sitting back to watch as they each take their turns. Rain insists on using the pink ball, heaving it between his legs as it slowly slides down the lane until it gently taps the centre pin and barely knocks any of them over. The spirit turns back with a pout.

"I want the pink..."

"What about the green one? For me?" Suggests Taehyung strategically, knowing the green is one of the smaller sizes. It's adorable how easily Rain concedes.

- - -

"Did you think we wouldn't notice the rings?" Jests Yoongi with a smirk when Rain tries to announce their wedding like it was some well kept secret. The spirit sits with his mouth agape, unsure what to say next. Taehyung giggles at the sight, sipping at the miduri soda he'd come to adore. Alcohol and medication never really mixed. Now, it's a pleasant blanket of haze that eases his worries.

"What Rain is meaning to say is will you come? It's just gonna be in my parents garden. We won't officiate it but we would love for you guys to be there. I know I haven't been the greatest friend but... I really do appreciate everything you guys have done for me... for us." He squeezes Rain's hand and pulls him in closer.

"Of course we'll come! Tae, please know that we understand and that you are always welcome with us. We can help in anyway you need." Seokjin reassures warmly.

"Uhm, I mean, do any of you know how to sew?"

"Oh I do." Adds the oldest. "What do you need?" Whilst Rain goes to get them more drinks Taehyung shows their ideas for their suits and they discuss how they could do the beading for both.

Afternoon turns to evening in a blur and by the time the guys drop the two of them home the sun has almost finished setting. Rain rubs his eyes as they stagger up the path, Taehyung barely able to keep the boy steady against his own unpredictable stance. Thankfully Yoongi is by their side, keeping them both steady. Before he can leave for the evening Taehyung catches his arm and stills him.

"Please know how grateful I am for you. All of you. But especially you and Hobi. You saved his life." They glance over at the boy who's curled up on the stairs, lips pouted and eyes lidded with a drunken daze. "I love him so much and I ... I don't know what I'd do without him."

"I know you've been alone for a long time Tae but you aren't anymore. Remember that. Don't shut us out again when things get hard. We want to be here, just like Rain does. Can you promise me that?"

"Yes. Atleast I'll try..." Yoongi smiles, resting a palm on his shoulder.

"Good."

Chapter Text

= = =

Every muscle in Taehyung's body is pulled tight into a ball, limbs curled up and head scrunched into his chest. Fingers comb through his hair as his mother holds him steady. Another person sits by his side, attempting to pull on his hand.

"Taehyung, I need you to try and relax as much as you can." Reassures the gentle woman. Despite her kindness the boy shakes his head and remains rigid. "You're doing really well, I just need your hand for twenty seconds."

"Tae, baby, Hyejin is just trying to help." Eunju hums softly, tucking away his fringe to see the tears flooding his cheeks. Her own chest swells with emotion but she swallows it down. With gentle guidance she manages to release one of his arms and lay it across his thigh. Hyejin, a home nurse, takes it and begins to search for a vein. Since Taehyung hadn't had anything to drink she has to flick the surface a few times and squeeze his fist. Eventually she is able to insert a needle and connect up an IV line.

"You'll feel better in a few minutes. I'll get a doctor to call and write you a script for some tablets for a more longterm management but for now this will last you overnight. I will stick around for an hour in case things don't improve." Explains Hyejin softly, removing her gloves and wrapping them in a sealed bag. "I'll just be downstairs Mrs Kim, come grab me if you need anything." Eunju nods and whispers a thank you before returning to focus on her son.

"You okay baby?" He doesn't answer, still stifling each sob that only furthers the pain. She continues to hold him and hum a quiet tune that she hopes will cut through the suffocating state he has lost himself in. After a few minutes she feels his body slacken into her, limbs falling away to lay limp by his side. He grunts when the back of his hand hits the sheets, bumping the taped over IV that sits uncomfortably under his skin. Sensation starts to melt away, disconnecting entirely from his body as he stares blearily out the window.

"Is this bad?" He mumbles with a slight slur, lips feeling numb. The room is quiet as he shallowly breathes, barely anchored by the hands on him. "It is, isn't it?" His mother's silence tells him enough. They've had rough patches before but this one has been longer. Weeks of continuous pain that crippled him to the confines of his room. Now his heart actively fails him, barely doing its job.

"You're doing all the right things." Answers Eunju after a few minutes of quiet. "That's what the nurses are here for, to make sure you're comfortable." When he tries to nod the world begins to spin. "This will pass, it's all we can do." It's his turn to be silent. If he saw her face he might change his mind. She knows this. It's why she doesn't let him see. "I'll get Rain. See if he's feeling alright." Her touch disappears and Taehyung is left floating in an uncertain limbo. Not quite conscious but awake enough to hear the world passing by around him. It's like he's listening to a recording of a time and space he isn't apart of. Tears slowly dry on his cheeks as he floats away from his body.

The door creaks open and frightened eyes peek inside. It's dark except for the warm lamp that casts a haze on the boy and the pole by his bedside. Something rheumy sits in his heart as he tiptoes closer and rests lightly on the mattress.

"Tae?" He whispers curiously.

"Mm?" Is all his human can manage, blinking heavily. A smile tugs at his lips when arms snuggle in around him, warm breath tickling his neck when Rain cuddles in close.

"Sorry. Needles scare me. Is it better?"

"Mm." He hums again, lips feeling like sand. Rain holds him so carefully, kissing his cheek and collecting their palms together. "Bodies are dumb." Grumbles Taehyung with his face smooshed to the sheets, blinking back the drug that attempts to pull him into sleep.

"I like our bodies just fine." Rain refutes with a kiss.

"You chose yours."

"Mhmm, and you love it."

"Duh." Despite the tightness in his chest he manages a light chuckle, interrupted by a cough that sends a jolt of pain through his torso. "Fucking hell..." Rain pulls them closer together.

"Don't talk too much. Just try to sleep." For once he doesn't argue, eyelids fluttering closed as he feels a blanket land across his skin. He shivers into the sudden change, caught by the body keeping him steady.

- - -

Upstairs his spirit is still fast asleep. Not wanting to wake him Taehyung hobbles downstairs with his cane and the railings to keep him steady. Ever since he's started getting regular spikes of pain Rain has been extra protective. Wanting to bring him everything and asking if he's okay every ten minutes. It's sweet but overwhelming. He walks by his dad's office, peeking in to see him reading through his morning emails.

"Dad, is it alright if Seokjin comes over today? He's gonna help with Rain's suit." Minsik looks up and smiles.

"Morning tiger, of course. How're you feeling?"

"Spacey." Taehyung admits. Though anyone who was on the same dose of oxy that he's now on would probably be unconscious.

"You look brighter."

"I feel it. Even if it's just for awhile."

"Whatever you need, just ask." He nods and continues into the kitchen, searching for something light that won't upset his stomach. He settles on a yoghurt and curls up on the couch to watch a few gaming videos on YouTube. Time passes and he finds himself dozing in and out. At one point he hears a knock and then the next his eyelids are lifting to see two people sitting on the other end of the couch speaking softly.

"Seokjin?" He mumbles groggily, rubbing at his eyes and fighting back a yawn. The two look up from their project, blue beads of all different shapes splayed out around them. Rain lights up the moment he focuses on his human, shuffling over to kiss him good morning. Though by the state of the sun outside it looks like it's already past midday.

"Look at what Jinnie taught me to do!" He grabs for the sleeve of the white suit he'd chosen and shows off the string of beads that dangle from the cuff.

"It's beautiful." Hums Taehyung softly, fingers tangling in pink hair like a bad habit he cannot stop. Not that Rain would ever want him to.

"Mhmm and Seokjin even showed me how to do the green ones for yours too! He's gonna do the pants and I'll do the jackets." From his peripheral Taehyung can see Seokjin smiling fondly as he continues threading the beads and attaching them to the garments. Such a simple act of kindness softens something in his body.

"Thanks for being here."

"It's cosy with you, peaceful." Admits Seokjin calmly. He adds,"Some of the guys want to stop by after they finish work, your dad said we could bring some take out and have a little picnic out in the garden." It all sounds so wonderful. Most of this month has been stuck in bed so the idea of a meal under the stars sounds like everything he could dream of.

For the remainder of the day Rain stays curled up in his human's arms as they chat and giggle over childish banter between people on a comedy show they watch. By sunset Namjoon and Jimin are at their door with cold noodles and ice cream.

Getting to the garden takes a bit of time but once Taehyung is settled on the blanket all concept of incapacity disappears. They play a version of uno that has Rain huffing dramatically when he's forced to pull 16 cards in a brutal plus stack. Jimin shares videos of Yoongi's cat he got to meet and shares all about the animals quirks. With Eunju's expert wrangling skills she manages to find their own dog and brings him out to join the group. Tannie curls up in Taehyung's lap to sleep soundly.

As night falls they lay on their backs staring up at the stars, pointing out constellations or making up their own. Rain points to a particularly bright star and decides it's their star.

"Just for us." He says in a quiet voice, like it's a secret. "To find it you gotta squint your eyes and let the rest of the stars disappear until it's just that bright one you can see. Like nothing else exists."

"What about all the other bright stars I can still see?"

"This one is brighter. Can't you see?" Squinting makes Taehyung's head ache but he wants to try for the spirit. So he squints as tight as he can without complete darkness. In the hazy blur he sees it, singled out amongst other dimmer clusters.

"What will we call it?"

"Hm," Huffs Rain thoughtfully, cheek puffed up as his other rests across his human's chest to hear his heart tranquilly beat. "Toby."

"What?"

"Toby."

"Oh, I thought we were going to name it something special." He giggles at his human's reaction, attention pulled from the star to stare up at Taehyung's expression; he's unimpressed.

"Fine. You name it."

"What about Home?"

"That's a place not a name."

"So? Your name is Rain, like the weather."

"Hey don't make fun of my name!" Snaps Rain airily, lightly slapping the other's chest. "Why Home?"

"Cause we can see it even if everything else is dark. And it's ours." Taehyung uses a finger to drag the boy's face down to his, lips grazing before gently pressing up. Rain collapses on top of him, palm falling to the ground to catch himself as he pushes back into the warmth that floats through every vein in his manufactured body. He closes his eyes and focuses on the sensation. The way his nose brushes against Taehyung's cheek and eyelashes tickle his skin. Even with his eyes closed he can see it and feel it. Something he has never been able to feel with anyone else. Home.

- - -

How does one act in a moment like this? The room is quiet as they finish listening to Hyejin talk. Her voice is kind as ever but her words are jarring. Neither of his parents say anything, both taken by tears that they cannot dry. Taehyung ponders the information his hospice nurse has shared. Information about the natural decay of the human body.

"What if I already feel some of those things? Like... like I can't really eat much anymore." He feels the hand tighten in his, looking down to see Rain is buried beneath the blanket with his head curled to his chest. "Rain, it's not a scary thing. I promise." Hyejin smiles and replies,

"That's a great question. Sometimes there's ups and downs before the dying process really begins. For some people it can take months, others it may just start and end within a few weeks." She looks across to where Minsik sits with his head in his hands. "How is everyone feeling? We can take a break if you need."

"No..." Whispers Minsik through a nasal grunt. "It's okay. Just... Tae ask whatever you need to ask." Eunju reaches out to take her husband's hand, pulling him in closer as she quietly cries.

"I know it all sounds scary but your body will know what to do. You might start losing track of time, that can be disorienting for a lot of people. Having visual reminders of dates and time can help some people."

"What if I don't want to know when that happens?"

"You can do whatever you need. When the time comes your body will naturally go into ketosis. Pain will start to lessen and you'll start to feel heightened senses of euphoria. For alot of people that is what they try to look forward to."

"Mm, sounds like heaven." Hums Taehyung dreamily, unable to remember the last time he was pain free. "How long will it take for me to die after that?" He feels Rain shaking and frowns. "Can you look at me?" He taps the boy's shoulder and tries to lift him by his chin. Even with the spirit's rigidity he manages to lock their eyes. "Knowing this makes me feel better. It doesn't change anything. We can still do all the things we need to do to get married."

"Will it happen soon? Is it... Tae what if we run out of time?"

"I know it's hard when you have plans you want to reach." Hyejin speaks up to help validate the mixed feelings in the room. "Right now Taehyung is completely cognisant. We'll continue our weekly check ins and discuss changes as they come. With your current painkillers and the pacer you're unlikely to crash now. Everything's just starting to slow down."

"See? We'll be okay." Reassures Taehyung with a hug to his spirit's torso. He kisses his temple and whispers a quiet, "I love you."

"Can he stay home for it all?" Asks Eunju into the lull of talk.

"Yes. We can look into getting a daily carer when the active dying begins so you both aren't having to hold all that." After that things go quiet for ten minutes. Hyejin sits in the silence calmly, holding space for anymore questions. Taehyung catches her eye at one point and he mouths a 'thank you'. She nods in acknowledgement.

"I want you to know I'm okay." Taehyung finally says aloud, looking over at where his parents have stayed solemn. "I feel safe. I get to be at home with you. It's all I could ask for." He feels the grip on his bicep loosen, Rain letting go to allow him to approach the two people who have held his life through every second. He squeezes in between them, arms wrapping both in a loose embrace. He kisses each of their shoulders and feels their arms curl tighter around him. He no longer feels the need to cry. For once, he's not scared.

Chapter Text

In twenty four hours he'll be married. Well, he'll say he is. It's hard to believe how slowly yet quickly the days have gone by. Most spent settling into a routine of care and comfort. Movie nights with his friends, painting in the garden, cooking lunches and baking snacks. Always with someone. Always someone there to catch his limbs when they start to go numb, or to hold him steady when his body gets weak.

Now the house is full of bustle and noise as everyone takes on a task to set up the perfect wedding. The kitchen has been full of strict orders and guidelines as Seokjin, Yoongi and Jimin all focus on bringing the cake together. Outside Hoseok and Namjoon are climbing ladders and crouching on the grass as they set up the aisles and a little arch decorated in flowers. Throughout the day Taehyung finds different places to sit, watching everyone's efforts as he focuses on cutting roses and arranging them in bouquets. He carefully cuts back each thorn, peeling extra leaves away and fluffing up the petals with an upside down twist of the stem.

Somewhere in all the chaos is Rain. He's never in the same place long, bouncing between everyone with his boundless curiosity. He helps everyone in different ways. Whether it's holding the whisk whilst Seokjin pours the batter, or spotting for Hoseok on the ladder. At one point he appears above Taehyung with a grin, leaning over his head from behind to kiss his forehead and boop their noses together. Giddy is the only word needed to summarise the spirit in this moment.

For Taehyung there aren't enough words to describe his feelings. Fate has a sense of humour. It had been bright sunny days so far despite their descent into autumn. Yet tomorrow a storm brews. One that isn't light hearted like the sun showers they got in summer. Something bitter-sweet sits in Taehyung's chest as he tries to remind himself that everything will be okay. Still he's routinely checking the radar, monitoring the predicted heaviness.

He must do it more often than he realises because Rain appears by his side again and starts to snuggle into him only to reach up and pluck the phone from his grasp. He looks down at the spirit with a surprised frown.

"I know it's scary." Rain says simply. Like second nature he starts to twist their fingers together until the click of metal brings their rings locked together. "I also don't know what will happen. I... I'm worried that I will make the rain worse if I cry." There's guilt in the way he doesn’t look his human in the eye. Like he too had been stuck on the forecast. Taehyung sees his uncertainty and softens his expression.

"It's okay. I just... old habits." Rain nods and sits quietly for awhile as they watch the sunset through the window. When he speaks again it's with a brighter tone,

"Think of all the wonderful things we can do. We can have our 'first' dance in the rain. We could take photos in the rain, we'd sparkle in our suits! We can even write secret messages to eachother in chalk that'll get washed away." Taehyung chuckles at the idea, already contemplating what he might write. He likes how easy it is to calm down from these feelings now. Maybe it's spirit magic that makes Rain's words so trustworthy. Maybe it's the pure honesty that he possesses.

"I like those ideas."

"Good. Can I keep your phone until dinner?" It's sweet that he asks. Taehyung nods and kisses the spirit before he's bouncing away to snoop on everything just one more time.

- - -

How can Taehyung sleep when all he can think about is what words he will say and what feelings he will feel? It's hard not to recite his vows like he's trying to memorise a script. He wants to mean them, wants to say them properly. Even if he wanted to get up and review them just one more time he couldn't. Because wrapped around his waist like an anchor is the boy all his words are for. Snoring and mumbling in his sleep as he dreams; about something good Taehyung hopes.

Outside th rain patters lightly, leaving a white noise of nostalgia and anxiety. To soothe the feeling he cannot quite shake he pulls Rain closer and rests his chin atop his hair, playing loosely with the fairy floss strands. There's something so cutely innocent about the choice Rain made when choosing his hair colour. It's always pink even when it grows. It's one of the last colours he would think of when he pictures the rain as a person, and yet it makes so much sense.

"I love you." He whispers into a kiss on the crown of the spirit's head, lingering there to breathe in the smell of strawberry shampoo. He doesn't stir but he does snuggle in closer, mumbling incoherently. He's so warm that Taehyung doesn't need to hear anything back.

- - -

The bed is cold when he wakes, eyelids lifting with a heaviness that takes minutes to alleviate. He curls around the edge of the blanket and blinks into the room, searching for pink. Rain isn't here. By the coldness of the sheets he hasn't been for awhile. The rain continues to fall as Taehyung stumbles from the side of the bed and hooks his fingers onto his cane. He staggers his way down the stairs, searching for his spirit. All his friends are still asleep in the lounge, across the couches and some spare mattresses. None of them are Rain. He continues through the kitchen, past his parents room and out to the garden where he finds Rain sitting under the arch, staring up at the sky as rain drenches him. Taehyung takes a shaky breath before he ventures out into the weather. His footsteps are heavy, catching Rain's attention as he looks back and physically brightens.

"Oh, come here!" He reaches out a hand and takes his human's balance into his control, guiding him down so they can curl up together. Taehyung shivers and buries his head against the other's shoulder, listening to the percussive music of droplets all around them.

"It's so dark and cold." Huffs Taehyung irritably, closing his eyes and listening. There's an uncomfortable ache of disappointment sitting in his chest.

"It's so pretty." Rain rebutts with a blissful lightness in his tone. "Look up, through the flowers." Together they try, and it comes so easily to the spirit. He stares with very few blinks, letting the droplets spill from his eyes like an illusion of emotion he feels deep inside. For Taehyung it is like knives slashing across his corneas. Every time it hits his face he blinks and flinches away. Rain feels his tension and brings his back up against the boy's torso. "It's okay. It won't hurt you."

"But it does hurt."

"Give it a moment." As they continue to drench themselves the sting of it all starts to melt away. When Taehyung stares up now he can see a hazy glow of pink and white roses in amongst the navy patches of sky. As the sun attempts to peek through, bursts of light come and go. It's like a bokeh of all the things he used to be afraid of colliding into a scene he cannot look away from. He never would've thought to see the world like this. "I'm more scared than I thought I would be." Rain murmurs softly against his shoulder, body keeping them both warm. "I don't even know why, it's just a fancy party. But I... I want everything to be perfect for you and I'm scared I'm going to mess everything up." Hearing the spirit share his worries eases the remaining tension in Taehyung's body. He looks away from the sky to turn and kiss his spirit's nose. There he stays, eyes still leaking tears that aren't his own.

"I don't need perfect, Rain. If I have you it is perfect. I can't even remember the words I want to say to you but I know what I feel. I know that whatever happens we can lean on eachother. Just like now." With a smile he leaves a flurry of pecks across the boy's cheeks before returning to linger on his lips that burst with heat. The sweetest giggle of delight and joy breaks them apart, Rain spinning around before jumping to his feet and taking his human's hands to guide him to as well.

"C'mon, let's go make pancakes!"

"What?" Taehyung blurts through a laugh, stunned by the suggestion. "It's 6am, everyone's still asleep."

"It's our wedding day, we can do whatever we want!" He rolls his eyes at the determination of the spirit but not once does he try to stop him.

Chapter Text

For the first time since the early morning Taehyung is alone. At the edge of his bed he sits and stares at the beaded green suit hanging over his wardrobe door. The ceiling light reflects across each carved plastic bead, creating a shimmer to it. There's a sickness in his stomach that makes it hard to move. Just a few hours ago he had forgotten about this part, too busy trying to shape pancakes only for them to turn into vague blobs. Too sick to eat more than a quarter, he'd watched Rain tower them high and coat them in strawberries and jam.

Now Rain is somewhere else in the house, putting his suit on and getting ready. Taehyung said he needed to lie down before the ceremony so he's been left alone. Maybe that's not what he wants though. But he doesn't know how to move anymore. Part of it is nerves and part of it is fatigue.

Everyone will be waiting for me soon.

As he tries to stand he realises just how faint he feels, whole body nearly toppling forward. The numb state of his fingers makes it hard to tell where they are. He just manages to catch the edge of the bed before he face plants. Maybe the pants will be easier to start with. He yanks them off the hanger and slips to the floor, kicking off his pyjamas and attempting to pull the structured garment over his foot. Why is it so hard to coordinate his body? Each tug fills increasingly with frustration as he keeps getting the fabric stuck and he can't pull it further toward him.

"C'mon..." He grits angrily, giving an aggressive tug that sends a few beads flying from their threads and a faint rip is heard. He lets go and freezes, searching the pants for any visible tears. Thankfully there's none, it must've been an inside seam.

Once he gets the pants on he crawls to his wardrobe and tugs the shirt and jacket down. Even just lifting his arms feels like lead. His vision blurs the more he moves and he feels himself getting light-headed. "Come on!" He seethes in a snarky whisper, shaking palms attempting to hold the shirt steady so he can slip his arms into it. The first is easy, the second much harder as he has to try and wrap it around his body to reach his other side. Once it's on he looks down at the buttons and swallows nervously. They're tiny.

Why didn't I think about this?

Everything is blurry and his fingers fumble with the plastic buttons. There's no sensation to guide him, so he slips and loses the button over and over. The blur worsens with tears of bitterness until he can't see at all. "Just fucking WORK!" With a shout he shakes the shirt from his arms and hauls it across the room. The exertion brings him toppling over, crumbling into the carpet as he starts to weep. He can't even hold himself up anymore so he lays on the floor and shakes with each wave of sobs, tears burning across his face. He wishes they were as soft as the rain had been but instead these tears are hot and bitter and his own...

Ten minutes must go by of him curled up on the floor before a knock finally sounds at the door. It's the sound he'd been hoping for and yet he can't move to answer. In fact it makes him cry harder, stifling the sound with the bite of his lip. The door creaks open and he glances over to see his mother silhouetted by the hallway light. She's dressed up in a beautiful blue gown that hits her ankles, hair pulled back in a bun and eyes framed with a shimmer of silver eyeshadow. She looks so perfect. Seeing her vanquishes any remaining control of his emotions as he caves into sharp hyperventilated sobs that make his chest heave and his vision whiten. He curls up tighter and hugs his own body, feeling each convulsing shake.

"Baby, c'mere." Whispers Eunju gently, swooping down to his side and tugging him into her arms so he could fully let go of his tense muscles and melt into her embrace. She kisses his temple and brings her palm up to his chest. "You gotta slow your breathing down, Tae. Do it with me." She tries to breathe as deep and slow as she can, inhales and exhales loud enough for them to be copied. Taehyung manages to slow his breath down enough to stay conscious, but he can't move, laying pliant in his mother's arms. "I can help, just try to keep breathing nice and slow." He barely manages a nod, sniffling back a sinusy sob. With delicate guidance Eunju lifts him to rest against the bed frame and retrieves the shirt to pull his arms through. As she does up each button she hums along to one of the songs on their carefully curated playlist. Some of this is normal to them now. The way Taehyung stares emptily at his wardrobe with glazed eyes, limbs completely limp. Moments where it feels like he's not really there at all. Then he'll be back for awhile and things will start to feel like they did before. But it's only temporary.

After the shirt is buttoned up she takes the jacket and repeats the process. Finishing by buttoning a single button in the front. With a kiss to his forehead she cradles his cheeks and smiles through her own invisible tears. "You're so beautiful." She whispers, syllables getting caught on the lump in her throat. "Tae?" He doesn't seem to be fully conscious, body swaying like it can't hold itself up. She swallows down her own anxious breath and brings his head to her chest, letting him rest there. Twenty more minutes go by and Taehyung seems to slip in and out of consciousness, eyelids fluttering every few minutes. Eunju never let's go.

"Mum?" Comes a quiet mumble and a rustle as Taehyung lifts his head and looks to see her watching him with a well concealed, but still visible sadness.

"Hi baby, you feeling okay?" She frames his face with a sweep of her hand, nestling under his chin. With a little smile he nods and reaches up to wipe away the crusty tears from his eyes.

"Mm." He hums quietly, "just tired." With some sensation back in his fingers he feels the cold beads against his wrists and looks down at the finished task. "Thank you." Eunju beams lovingly and replies,

"You're so handsome. You look just like your dad on our wedding day." His smile softens into something timid and fond as he picks at one of the loose beads.

"What was it like? Did you see eachother before it?"

"Nope. He wanted to but I knew if we did that he wouldn't stop crying." She chuckles at the memory she recalls of Minsik practically on his knees begging to see her dress before the day. "When I walked down the aisle he was so stunned that he couldn't speak for half the ceremony. I had to help him read his vows." A giggle slips from Taehyung as he pictures his mature and mostly serious father speechless.

"I bet you were so pretty."

"Have I ever shown you our photos?" He frowns, unsure. Recalling old memories is getting harder.

"I ... I don't know."

"Well, after the ceremony, we can look at them together. We can add your photos into an album too. I'm sure Rain would love to decorate it with sparkly things." That's exactly what Rain would love. "Are you going to see eachother before?" Part of Taehyung wants it to be a surprise. He can imagine Rain having a similar reaction to his dad. But this time it'll be Rain walking down the aisle; the quicker option.

"I don't know. We never talked about it."

"Okay, I'll go check with your dad. Are you alright to hang here by yourself for a little bit? I can send one of your friends in to help."

"I'm okay. Things are just getting fuzzy." She nods and squeezes his hand gently. It takes more strength than she should need to let him go.

- - -

The beads that hang off of Rain's sleeves have taken up all of his attention as he sits beside Minsik and talks endlessly about the beading, and his vows, and the pancakes, and the rain, and Taehyung. Especially Taehyung. Everything leads back to his human. He swings his legs with all the nervous energy he doesn't show anywhere else, mouth never shut. The conversation doesn't follow a cohesive structure, jumping across every topic back and forth like someone had scrambled all the sentences of a well articulated essay.

Whilst Minsik sits by his side and brushes the boy's pink hair he can't help getting a little choked up when he hears the heartfelt things Rain has to say about his son. When Rain recites parts of his vows he says something about how he was a spirit but Taehyung was the one to make him feel human. Curiosity flutters inside Minsik as he  puts some coconut oil on his hands to help tame some of the fluffy hair.

"What was that like?" He interrupts for the first time. "Before."

"Before?" Repeats Rain, uncertain as to what the other is asking. Then he realises, eyes widening briefly until he softens his expression into a smile. "Oh as a spirit?" Not many dare to ask him such things. "I don't really know how to explain it." He begins carefully, unsure if he needs to filter himself. But this is his family now. "Tae says its like Bluetooth." Without context the statement makes Minsik snort, taken aback by the comparison.

"Bluetooth? How?"

"Yeah. Like, there's this invisible thing that connects parts of the world together. I think the longer I've been here the more I lose the sense of what it meant to be a spirit. I don't know how long I existed like that for, so everything just sort of mixes into strange feelings rather than a memory or a vision. My brain keeps trying to recreate it but I know it's not real."

"So you've forgotten what it was like?" Minsik wonders, adding a final touch to the boy's outfit, a clip on earring made with the same tear drop beads as his suit.

"There's nothing to forget, I didn't store things like the way human's store memories. I gave what was needed of me and moved on. Do you remember what it was like before you were born?"

"No, I guess not."

"The only thing I can recall is this obsessive feeling I had. Like I had been sent to do a task that I couldn't complete. Because Taehyung needed someone but all I could do was give him rain. To help him I needed a body." Whether he misunderstood the directions of his creator or defied them he no longer cares. "All I know is I can't go back." There's less sadness in that thought now. For he has nothing to miss. Not yet anyway.

"You gave up everything just for my son?" Rain nods with a proud grin.

"Of course. Some other rain spirit can do all the other things. This was my purpose. Maybe I set myself this task but only I could do this." He has wondered what the other rain spirits are like. Did they plan the storm for their wedding day as pay back for abandoning them? Maybe he's personifying emotions that don't exist in spirits. Maybe the spirits just do what they have to do and move on. Maybe they don't care about one insignificant human. Except they must, because Taehyung meant everything to him. "I'm happy to be human, I feel special, I feel... loved." The word comes out so easily and he smiles at the realisation that it's not just Taehyung he can share that with now. Proof is shown when Minsik hugs him without wasting a second.

"You're so loved, Rain. Thank you for giving my son a life to live."

Chapter Text

Rain pours down around them, a roaring of white noise that drowns out any other sound. Even the music that plays falls to the background. It isn't cold enough to go inside. When asked whether they should move undercover Taehyung refused. This is the moment to truly face this thing he once feared. The moment when he can truly believe that a passing weather phenomenon couldn't control him anymore.

So he sits atop a wooden stool and keeps his head up as the shower decorates his skin in a glittery mist. The arch holds some of it back whilst their guests sit under white umbrellas and take their seats. Every ten seconds he glances at the back door, trying to get a glimpse of his spirit. By his side stands Namjoon, ready to bring them together. Noticing his restless movements, he reaches out and gently squeezes Taehyung's shoulder. The touch and the rain ease the rising heat of panic inside, allowing him to keep breathing.

"Ready?" Namjoon hums as the final seats are filled. With a sharp exhale Taehyung nods and tugs at the folded paper in his pocket to have it ready. An instrumental starts to play of a song called 'Butterflies' a perfect depiction of his insides. Without thinking he closes his eyes; part of him afraid to look. The hand on his shoulder keeps him steady. The back-door creaks and he holds his breath. Namjoon taps him. "Look." When he finally does he sees his dad and his spirit with their arms wound together. Rain shimmers in the rain, blue and bright as the crystals of his suit shine. His hair is swept back to look a little neater and he even has some gems stuck around his eyes that gleam just as bright as his irises. In his grip is a bouquet of white roses, one Taehyung spent hours perfectly arranging. The grin on the boy's face is what makes it all so perfect. Their gazes lock together and somehow Rain's grin widens until his cheeks pull his eyes closed and his features are squished up so cutely. All patience goes out the window as Rain attempts to sprint down the aisle, only held back by the arm locked around his. Minsik does his best to slow him down but gives up after the boy lands in a big puddle that splashes across those sitting either side. With a sigh Minsik let's go and watches the spirit run to his son and wrap him in the warmest, most comforting looking embrace.

"You're perfect!" He coos, kissing his human's nose before stepping back to take in his outfit. Taehyung sits and gapes at the other in stupor as he tries to get words out. All he can do is stare. Rain sees his facial expression and giggles, taking their hands together and taking a seat on the other stool. Everything else fades into the background. The half finished song fizzles out and Namjoon's voice becomes a distant mumble. Taehyung feels every awestruck emotion gather in his throat as they all try to escape at once. He's breathless in the best way. Because Rain is the prettiest and purest person he could ever meet and he's here, grinning pure light as they sit hand in hand.

Not knowing what else to do, he squeezes harder on the hands in his, shuddering out a breath as he stares into the irises of his one love, his spirit, his partner... his Rain. All while rain encircles them. With Rain holding him steady he cannot feel the cold. Droplets drip onto his cheeks to try and express the overwhelming state he's in. Rain brushes his thumb across each knuckle as their guests are welcomed by their kind friend.

"This is a day to bring two people, who love each other and wish to share each other’s lives, together in an act of harmony. Two incredible souls who have touched everyone here with their courage, humour and passion. I am honoured to be able to guide them both through this and to hear them share their stories of their love." Namjoon looks between them both with a softened smile, noticing just how infatuated they are. "I would like to pass to Rain who is going to read out a few words to start us off." He nods to the spirit who looks up at the call of his name. He looks confused before he realises what's being asked of him. As he clears his throat, he lets go with one hand to tug at a piece of paper in his pocket. Everything is damp and as soon as the paper is out it begins to speckle with droplets. It's hard to unfold with one hand but he refuses to let go of Taehyung so he uses his body to help out. After a moment of struggle he gets it open and locks eyes with his human again. Still grinning, but a little more nervous, he begins to speak,

"I don't usually think before I speak so writing this down feels weird. Reading it out like I'm just thinking it for the first time is even weirder. But it's all still true." He pauses to slowly inhale, hands shaking like an earthquake has taken over him. "I am thinking about how I met you, how I met you long before I really met you. And how I don't even remember what that was like. Because something stronger than a brain or a heart drew me to you. Some urge that I didn't know a spirit could have. Eons passing of indifference only to find the world froze the day I laid eyes on you." He looks up and blinks back the pressure behind his eyes. He checks to see Taehyung hasn't looked away, that he's still there. "I... I wanted to talk to you and ask you so many things but I didn't have a body or a voice and everything I tried scared you. I wanted you to have someone so bad that one day I woke up and I was sitting in your garden staring up at your window. I suddenly felt cold and restless and alive. My hands were wet and the sun was bright. I could feel everything and yet all I wanted was to see you." He squeezes back on their entwined hands. Taehyung reciprocates, eyes glassy. The rain is heavier and louder but neither of them notice or care.

Rain looks to his disintegrating paper and giggles as he reads the next line, "You hated me. I terrified you. I could feel the way you glared at me and the way it made my chest tighter. I could feel it! I could feel the interaction in my body. My body! And the way you stared at me. At me! Me, a physical thing that you could hear and see!" He bounces slightly in his seat, rain boots batting against the stool legs. "I couldn't help it. Taehyung you... you made me feel alive and it was the most magnificent feeling of all. I never wanted it to end.

Every moment I spend with you is magnificent. Even when I am angry or when I am too much. Because everything you make me feel is human and real and I wouldn't have that if it weren't for you. When you touch me... I feel this sensation that I wish to feel forever. Warmth." He tosses the paper aside to bring both their hands together. He jumps from the stool and invites himself into his human's embrace. Taehyung wraps his arms around him without a second thought, head falling to his shoulder as Rain finishes with a promise, "I am never going to let go. You are everything to me and that is the biggest blessing of my life." The hug goes on for several minutes. If anyone's speaking Rain can't hear. All he hears is the hearts inside their chests attempting to communicate the endless vocabulary he cannot bring to life. "I love you." He adds with a kiss to Taehyung's cheek, fingers curling into his hair to bring him closer. Every part of their bodies is shaking, trembling from the overwhelming culmination of feeling. Taehyung's mouth keeps opening but nothing comes out.

"That was beautiful Rain." Interrupts Namjoon to their side. They look to him in alarm, then to the crowd of less than a dozen. Oh... right... the wedding. It takes all opposing strength for Rain to pull their bodies apart. It doesn't last long as he yanks his stool to the other's side and curls up on it so he can rest his chin on Taehyung's shoulder. Their pinkies link up to keep the warmth. Namjoon holds the silence with a smile, letting the two sit in the moment as rain continues falling. Those who didn't wish to get wet hold umbrellas; Taehyung doesn't notice.

Eventually he reaches into his pocket and retrieves a torn page from his notebook. He lays it on his lap and looks down to read it.

"I didn't know what to say so I... I wrote a poem. Well, I finished a poem I started several months ago." He clears his throat to speak a little louder over the weather. "It's called 'Petrichor' ...

Parts of thr earth are dismal,
Whether its muddy shoes or wilted leaves
Yet rain sees everything as blissful,
finding joy in life with ease

Two bold and differing souls,
who wished for life and death
No matter what life's tolls,
they take solace in every breath

Without eachother the two are lost,
for there is no life if they're alone
Earth and rain collide in the melting frost, where they meet upon the horizon of home

A long time ago the earth hid from the rain,
wondering how a storm could ever be beautiful
Then the rain came and ceased that pain,
by reminding earth that their connection was immutable.

I am the earth that fears its own end,
I felt lost in that dark room
Rain you're my best friend,
you remind me everyday that good things can always bloom.

I love you." Every word felt like it had been spoken with a single breath as he finally stops and realises how light-headed he is. If it weren't for the weight by his side he'd've toppled right off. If they could get any closer without causing a catastrophe he's certain Rain would be in his lap. The spirit looks to him with eyes that shine, like the sun has peeked through the clouds and lit up every crystal drop.

"You're perfect." He repeats in pure awe, tears freely falling with confidence. As Taehyung twists to kiss him gently a patch of the sky clears just enough so that light spills down onto them. It's so incredibly specific that Taehyung knows somewhere there's a spirit watching all this. Maybe Rain did it, maybe the clouds finally decided to pay their respects. Or maybe the sun saw their connection and gave the clouds a stern talking to. With heat radiating from cheeks and hearts, they look back to Namjoon who is waiting for their cue to do the final part of the ceremony.

"You have a wonderful way with words Taehyung, that was so beautiful to listen to and to know how deeply the two of you care for each other. Everyone here knows what makes Rain so special, and it's truly a blessing to be by your side as you journey through this life. As, I'm sure, Taehyung feels too. So as I close this ceremony, I wish to ask you both something very important." He turns to them and brings out a box that opens to show two simple wedding rings, one gold and one silver. "Do you, Rain, take Taehyung to be your life partner, your husband for every moment from n–"

"I do!" Rain declares impatiently, taking the silver band and holding it out for Taehyung. The other looks at him confused, since his engagement band is gold. "So we have a bit of each other." Explains the spirit simply, carefully adding the silver to his finger so that it complements the gold.

"And do you, Taehyung, take Rain to be your life partner, your husband for every moment from now?"

"I do." He answers with a smile, taking the gold wedding band to return the gesture.

"I thank everyone for being here today to witness the joining of Taehyung and Rain, may you take every moment forward with the knowledge that you are one and you are together. As I now pronounce you married!" Namjoon's voice rises into a cheer that spreads through the crowd. Though Namjoon stops when he sees Rain staring at him expectantly. "What?"

"I want to kiss him."

"Oh right! You may now kiss the groom!" He adds with a chuckle, watching as Rain pulls Taehyung into his arms and kisses him with the kind of strength that could topple a tree. Taehyung nearly does topple but is held steady by his husband. Music serenades the moment as Namjoon steps away to allow them to exist inside this momentary bubble of only them. Only when Taehyung pulls away to start giggling like a child does the bubble burst and people start appearing by their side to congratulate them or to cry their love. Rain pouts with screwed up eyebrows of confusion at the way his husband is laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"This is crazy." Whispers Taehyung with something akin to delirium in his tone. But it's not a negative statement. "We're married!" He coos with joy, pecking at Rain's nose. "Actually married!"

"Yeah, we are." It does sound a little crazy. 7 months ago they didn't even know eachother. Yet it feels like they've waited a whole lifetime; like this was long overdue. There's one more thing they have to do before the go inside. With legs that feel like jelly, Taehyung needs help getting to the ground, but once he's there his dad appears by his side with a bucket of chalk and a puffy face.

"We'll meet you inside when you're ready. Don't feel like you need to rush." Minsik tells them sweetly, watching fondly as they sit together and pick out what colour chalk each of them will use. As he wanders inside he spots Eunju watching them through the window. He nudges into her side so he watch too. "They're adorable."

"Did you ever think this day would come?" Eunju whispers, arms crossed over her chest like she's trying to imprison her emotions.

"Not once. But I am so glad I was wrong. He's so happy." His arm casually slips around her shoulders, bringing her in closer. "You're allowed to cry yaknow."

"I know. I will. Later." She says stiffly. "I want them to live longer. I wish they could be together longer." She sounds angry at the world, at fate and its cruel joke.

"He's happy because he doesn't have to worry about surviving now. We'll never be okay with that, but we have to try to be... for him."

"I know."

- - -

"You're supposed to be writing serious things!" Complains Taehyung through a laugh as he watches Rain fill the concrete slab with dumb 'secrets' like: I ate all your chocolate in the fridge, I'm Tannie's favourite, I actually hate strawberries; and other random things. All whilst smiling like a child on a sugar high. Contrarily Taehyung ponders his secret. Something he wants to wash away and be done with. As he begins to write the chalk is already dissolving. Rain stops his mischief to read as he writes.

"I'm not afraid of death anymore because I won't have to be alone. That feels selfish. It feels cruel. But I truly couldn't do this without you. You made me feel brave enough to listen to what I needed instead of what everyone else did." Within thirty secondsit'ss washing away and Rain lets the confession linger. It pulls him back into the moment, his own secret surfacing.

"It's not cruel." He says aloud, tossing his silly chalk aside to pick up a blue, serious, one. "What could I want from this world without you in it anyway?" He murmurs, mostly to himself, as he writes out his own,

"I'm scared to die. When the day comes, will you tell me it was worth it? Remind me why I did this." The rain suddenlt becomes hot and heavy and descends from his eyes that cloud with fear. "I need to know it was worth it." The chalk rolls away and Rain buries himself into Taehyung's body. They curl as close together as they can, heads colliding as they watch both their solemn secrets wash away. Life and death...

"I'm sorry I can't save you." Whispers Taehyung as he looks up into the settling storm.

"Tae, you already have."