Work Text:
Another day in exile.
Tommy had lost count of how long it’d been since he’d seen anyone other than… Dream…
He’d actually gotten used to his presence. He no longer felt intense rage or hatred when he saw the man. He didn’t really know how he felt anymore. Indifferent? No. Whenever Dream would come to visit, Tommy would feel sick out of excitement that someone was visiting and also sick out of fear. But he didn’t specifically like or hate him. He was company at least. It’s not like anyone else cared enough to visit…
Traitors… all of them…
A short flash of the beach party sparked in his mind.
Traitors.
After laying in his uncomfortable bed for another half hour Tommy decided to finally make an effort to stand up. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to rub the fatigue out his brain but of course that didn’t work.
His body felt heavy. Unbelievably heavy.
After a few more minutes of struggle he managed to sit up and turn to the side of his bed. The fabric of his tent brushed irritatingly against his head as he tried to stretch. There wasn’t much room in his tent.
He sat there for a bit longer and stared at his arms. Cuts. So so many cuts. Some were self inflicted, some not. Fresh ones littered over old scars. He had multiple Band-Aids on his fingers from working so much without tools. After all, Dream always took them away. His hands were rough and scabbed up much like his overall appearance. He stood up and groaned as a headache pierced his skull. The pain sparked a sudden flash of rage within him.
“Ugh.. what the FUCK?!? STOP HURTING STUPID FUCKING BRAIN GOD DAMN IT!!”
At least he could be as loud as he wanted here. In isolation. His headache probably came from not having slept much these past few days. Dream had stayed much longer and later than he usually did and he’d gotten awfully… physically… close to Tommy. He was definitely uncomfortable by this advancement but it’s not like he’d done anything weird. Just an awful lot of hugs and touching his shoulder and patting him on the head. He’d been much nicer lately too, even bringing some good quality food for the starving Tommy. He definitely appreciated that and it made him mostly ignore his discomfort with the change in Dreams attitude.
See he could be good… He was the only one that stayed after all…
It was around noon when Tommy left the tent. He turned around and stared at it for a bit. On a support pole he’d hung a sign that said ‘tnret’. It had made him laugh back when he’d placed it. Now it made him feel nothing. Only an echo of the amusement he’d felt.
He sighed and rubbed his eyes again, failing to drive out the tiredness once more. He had to get some work done before Dream came to visit again. He needed to have something to be destroyed after all. He didn’t really question why he kept bothering with this. It had just become routine at this point. He followed the little path he’d built around his camp to the place he called ‘Logstedshire’ which consisted of a little house surrounded by a wall of logs. It was very beautiful, Ghostbur had made it for Tommy. He turned to go look at the to-do list that hung within the walls.
As he stared at the words not really taking them in, his mind started to wander. Ghostbur.. he missed Ghostbur… But he knew Ghostbur wasn’t genuine… he wasn’t true to his origin… Tommy wondered if his brother Wilbur had always been capable of such kindness. It angered him actually. Wilbur literally had to DIE to start caring for his brother… Tommy only vaguely remembered the time before the election. Before… Pogtopia… Back then Wilbur had been kind…? Right? It didn’t matter. Eventually he hurt Tommy too. The only thing that could stop him from his cruel ways was literally death and half a brain wipe. A traitor. Like all the rest.
A fucking traitor.
Tommy punched the wall in an outburst of anger. He felt a jolt of pain go through his fist. His anger bubbled up even more as his thoughts kept repeating the word
traitor, traitor, traitor
He punched the wall again and again alternating his fists as if he was hitting a punching bag.
He started yelling, “SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!” as tears streamed down his face.
He couldn’t feel his hands anymore, he couldn’t see anything. His headache grew stronger as he yelled. After a while he slowed down, his whole body shaking. He still tried to hit the wall but he was out of energy. His legs slowly gave up and he dropped to the ground. He was still crying but it had been reduced to quiet sobs. His knuckles were bleeding and had left behind a bloody spot on the wall. He let out heavy and shaky breaths as he sat there on the grassy ground. The pain from his hands finally reached him and this just made him cry more. As his breathing accelerated he curled into a ball, tightly hugging his knees and hiding his face in them. He started hyperventilating, gripping his legs as tightly as he could. The world around him completely disappeared as his panic attack took hold of him. He felt like he was in free fall, everything around him whizzing past. He held onto himself for dear life, digging his nails into his skin to try and break free. He felt like he could die at any moment now.
I’m not gonna survive this.
Someone please.
Help.
Someone?!
HELP!!!
He felt something lightly touch his back but it didn’t do anything. There was a muffled voice but Tommy couldn’t respond. Then, that something wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into a hug. Tommy started feeling claustrophobic and he weakly tried to push himself free. The something then gripped his shoulders harshly and kept saying something.
“…tommy… Tommy.. Tommy! TOMMY! HEY TOMMY!”
He stopped trying to pull away as he recognized his name. Was the something a.. someone? He couldn’t recognize the voice.
“Tommy! Hey! Can you hear me?”
The someone started shaking him, forcing Tommy to be more aware of his surroundings. He gave a small nod as a reply.
“Alright alright good… uhm- Breathe Tommy ok? Breathe. Calm down”
Calm down…?
Right..
Yes.
Just..
Calm down… Shut up and calm down.
Tommy tried to force his breathing to be more steady. He’d forcefully ended his panic attacks before so he knew what he needed to do. Doing this only really made it temporarily stop though, at least until it would resume when he was alone. He managed to take a big breath in and then he put his hand to his mouth, tightly closing his airways. His body was still trying to hyperventilate but it couldn’t breathe at all so it struggled against his hand.
He started to feel a bit sick and dizzy but he knew he had to do this. Why? He couldn’t really figure that out right now. He didn’t even know who was in front of him. He shut his eyes as hard as he could to stop crying. He was shaking even more now but he could slowly feel himself getting more tired. As his breath was running out he could finally feel his body slightly relaxing at least enough for him to take another breath and repeat the process. After a few minutes of cutting off his own air he could breathe relatively normal, still a bit teary eyed and very shaky. He hugged his knees again and rested his chin on top. He tried to look at the figure that was sitting there. Tommy’s vision was still blurry from the tears and he felt incredibly sick. He honestly didn’t know what was worse, the panic attack or this forced in-between state.
Back during Pogtopia, Wilbur had simply watched with disappointment in his face the few times Tommy had had a panic attack in front of him. That’s when he learned this technique. He hated it when Wilbur was disappointed in him. Tommy thought that panic attacks weren’t that big of a deal, since Wilbur had them often too and he never cared when Tommy had them.
Wait that’s not true…
A vague memory from even before the start of L’manburg came up. He wasn’t sure if it was even real or made up. But maybe Wilbur had helped Tommy through his panic attacks a long time ago. But again, that was a long time ago. It didn’t matter. Where was he again? Tommy had just kind of dissociated while he trailed off into thought. His mind cleared up a little bit and he focused on what was in front of him.
A person..?
…
Oh no!!!
His eyes widened and he let go of his legs while pulling himself away as panic started to invade his mind again. Someone had seen him having a panic attack! This wasn’t good. He didn’t want to disappoint yet another person. He started crying again but before it could get any worse he was pulled into a hug by the larger figure.
“Shhhh… hey! Hey! You’re alright… hm.. I’m here now Tommy! There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll keep you safe!”
The voice was sweet and kind. Tommy held onto them for dear life. He buried his head in their armored chest and whispered
“I’m so sorry… I’m so so sorry… please don’t be disappointed please! I’ll do better I promise!”
The last few words came out as desperate cries as he tried not to completely break down.
“There, there. Cry as much as you need.”
And so Tommy started sobbing as the reassuring voice actually… let him . He held onto their cape so tight that his already messed up knuckles turned white under the dried blood. Two large armored arms held him close, the plates digging uncomfortably into his back. They sat there for a while as Tommy just cried. His mind wasn’t clear enough to worry about who it was or that he was showing weakness. Honestly he’d kind of stopped caring as much about those things in the last few months of exile. The person stayed there for him for as long as he needed and even when he stopped crying they still held him close. Now Tommy was only sniffling weakly.
“Are you feeling a bit better?”
He finally looked up to see who was talking to him. When he looked up he was met with a cold smiley face drawn on a blank white mask. Tommy froze.
“Huh what’s wrong? I thought you calmed down? Oh- haha oh right you’re probably a bit scared huh?”
Dream spoke with his usual condescending tone. Tommy let go and slowly shuffled backwards still staring at the scary mask.
“Hey Tommy it’s alright! It’s me! Dream! Your friend!” , he insisted.
“N-no… you’re not… you’re… you’re Dream! No… What the fuck? Get away from me…”, Tommy replied although with much less hostility and energy than usual.
“Aw Tommy where’d your fire go? Look at you! You look so tired, don’t you think you deserve a little break? Just lay off a little man! I’m your only friend right now ok? I’m trying to help ya’know!”
When he said the word ‘fire’ Dream dramatically gestured with his hands. His tone was friendly and kind just like it had been while Tommy was still having his panic attack.
“N-no… we’re not… friends…”, Tommy mumbled as he looked away, the uncanny stare from Dream’s mask made his skin crawl.
“Then what are we? I come and visit you regularly, I hug you and help you sometimes, I even showed up to your lame party! I just helped you out of a panic attack, I mean are you saying we’re still enemies? Come on Tommy let’s put that shit behind us. This exile should be a new beginning for you! Really, I do this all to help you! I’m the only one that cares about you Tommy.”
As Dream finished speaking he took a hold of Tommy’s shoulder and forcibly made him look at him. Tommy didn’t respond, he was only staring up at the man with fear in his eyes. Dream sighed and took off his mask.
“Tommy. I know it’s hard for you but trust me, this is for your own good. Soon enough you’ll learn not to cause so much trouble and we can be great friends! But of course… if you want to be enemies we can be enemies again.”
Dream leaned in, talking right into Tommy’s ear.
“But I’m sure neither of us want to go back to that now do we? ”
Tommy flinched and held his breath for a few seconds as to not pass out from fear.
“Well? Are we at least going to try to get along?”
“Y-yes… Dream… of course…”
Tommy’s reply came out completely defeated and exhausted. He just wanted to get his day started at this point.
“Good! That’s great! Here let me help you up!”
Dream stood up and held his hand out to help Tommy up. The smaller boy hesitated a little before taking Dream’s hand and getting pulled up to his feet. He was a little wobbly as crying so much had left him pretty weak. He tried to let go of Dream’s hand but he had a firm grip and honestly Tommy needed some support right now so he didn’t make any further efforts to let go. Dream said something about food and led Tommy out of Logstedshire.
As the large man pulled Tommy along, the smaller just stared at him. Tommy hadn’t seen Dream without his mask very often and had definitely never gotten a close look at his face. He had dirty blonde hair, more brown, and pointy elf-like ears. His hair had gotten longer over time almost as if he didn’t take much care of it anymore. His ears were pretty cut up from battles and he also had a few scars on his face, the most notable one being a big slash across his nose. The worst thing about Dream’s face though were his eyes. They were an unnaturally bright green and almost had a creepy glow to them. Maybe Dream had once been a human back during the first L’manburg war. Not anymore though.
Dream stopped when they got back to the tent and placed a chest on the ground. Tommy just stood there as Dream filled the chest with steak and cake.
“I got you some nice cakes from the mainland! I thought you might get a little tired of… what do you even eat here? Whatever, I know I usually bring you just steak but this is a treat from me to you!”
Tommy felt a little sick at the idea of eating something as heavy as a cake. He had been eating a lot less these past weeks as good food was kind of scarce and his appetite had gotten worse and worse. He did enjoy the food Dream brought him though.
“Well? Go on! Have some!”, Dream pushed.
He still hadn’t put his mask back on which felt very weird to Tommy but at least he was a little less intimidating this way. Almost as if he wasn’t the evil Dream that took everything from him… this guy was a Dream that was his only friend while everyone else betrayed him.
Tommy dropped down on his knees and opened the chest. He reached in and took a cake out, then simply placed it on the ground. While sitting on the cold ground Tommy just started eating the cake off its plate with his bare hands. He knew he’d probably throw up later, but he didn’t want to disappoint Dream who had gotten such a nice thing for him. Dream laughed warmly and sat down on the ground with him, smiling and watching Tommy.
“You were really hungry huh? Don’t you eat anything here? I’m sure the bread here can’t be that bad!”, Dream chuckled.
Tommy didn’t pay too much attention to him as he was still struggling with finishing the cake. He had to eat it fast so his brain wouldn’t realize how much he was eating and make him feel sick. Tommy realized he hadn’t offered Dream any and immediately got angry at himself.
“Uhm- youcanhavsum- um- cake-“, He mumbled through a mouthful of frosting.
“Ah no thanks! Hey at least you’re kind of remembering your manners. Don’t worry we’ll get there eventually with you, you gremlin child!”, Dream said with a condescending undertone.
Tommy blushed with embarrassment and looked away. Soon after Dream went with Tommy to the beach nearby to wash his hands. Tommy didn’t speak a word the whole time.
As he stared at the ocean he remembered how he’d often wake up in the water. Over time he’d wake up deeper and deeper in the water but Tommy hadn’t noticed this. The first few times had been very alarming and he’d panicked the second he woke up. He’d only been ankle-deep in the water but it was still very jarring. He hadn’t had anyone to talk to about it since Ghostbur had stopped visiting at that point and he certainly wasn’t going to talk to Dream.
“Hey what’s wrong Tommy?”
“Uhm… n-nothing… thanks for the… uhm… the cake…”, Tommy replied starting to feel sick as he remembered how much cake he ate.
He made a pained expression as he tried to push the nausea away. Dream looked at him with worry. Whether he was faking it or not couldn’t be read off of his face.
“Ugh- I- I’m sorry- I feel- really sick-“, Tommy mumbled as he held his stomach and hunched over a little in pain.
He wanted to throw up so bad. Dream stared at him for a second, his expression completely unreadable.
“Tsk. Aw. Look at you! You look even smaller all hunched over like that! How cute.. Here, here let me help you back to your tent!”, Dream chirped, speaking as if he were talking to a dog.
Tommy glanced up at him. The sun reflected off of his armor and gave him a sharp reminder of his headache. Dream was smiling, looking down at him with seemingly friendly eyes. Tommy hesitantly reached out to hold Dream’s hand and the large guy walked Tommy back to his tent. They both ducked into the tent and the blonde sat down on the edge of his bed. Dream, oddly, sat down next to him.
“Uhm-“
Tommy quickly cut himself off out of fear of angering Dream by telling him to move.
“I’m sure you’ll feel better soon… I think you might’ve eaten that cake a liiiittle too fast! I mean a lil’ guy like you really shouldn’t devour food like that! Now, now you can lay down!”
Dream put his hand on Tommy's shoulder and gently pushed him down. This felt a bit weird.
Uhm..?
Tommy didn’t resist. He lied down and pulled his legs up from the side of the bed. Dream didn’t stop smiling at him for even one second. He reached out to Tommy’s face and moved his hair out of his face, caressing his forehead in the process. Dream’s armored gloves felt uncomfortable on Tommy’s skin and the sudden closeness made him flinch and turn his face away. A sharp edge of the armor nicked his cheekbone from the quick movement. Tommy closed his eyes as tightly as he could, expecting Dream to get angry at him for flinching and being so stupid. He expected to be yanked up by his shirt any second now.
Instead, Tommy heard some clinking noises and then a small thud, and then another thud. As he slowly started to reopen his eyes he realized that Dream had taken off his armored glove pieces. He put his hand on Tommy’s cheek and gently caressed the little cut he’d gotten. Tommy was frozen in place. What the fuck was going on?
What the…?
“Ah… I’m sorry lil’ guy! I didn’t mean to hurt you! What’s with that look though? Are you still scared? I swear that was by accident! I really didn’t mean to cut you!”
Dream spoke but Tommy had seemingly forgotten the English language. This felt wrong… Sure Dream was his… friend… but this was still way too close for Tommy. He clenched his teeth as he tried his hardest not to slap Dream’s hand away and leave the tent. This… was Dream trying to be nice to him…? It felt way too weird and wrong. But then again… he was his friend…
“Hey… Tommy… I know you might still be scared of me… and I understand but I just want you to know… I’m sorry. I really am. There’s no strings attached, no nothing! I’m genuinely so sorry for treating you so badly while you’ve been here. You know I only saw you as a pest like most of the others did because I didn’t know you. But now… this time we’ve spent together… I’ve realized how truly good you can be! I realize now that it was the others that made you do all those reckless things back then! Because I see you now and I can see that you’re really just a kid and you just want to survive! And I’m so sorry. I want us to be friends. I don’t want you to be alone and I don’t want you to be used. I don’t want Wilbur, or Tubbo, or Quackity or anyone to use you and influence you to do their dirty work anymore!
I want to keep you safe! And I really want us to be able to trust each other! I… I trust you! I’ve taken off my mask and my armor and I hope you will too. From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.”, Dream spoke with a serious and genuine tone.
Again, Tommy was frozen.
He's sorry… he… he’s… sorry…?
Confusion rattled the younger boy’s brain. No one had ever genuinely apologized to him. This feeling was new. Tommy stared at Dream as his thoughts raced. It was true that Dream had shown trust by not wearing his mask and by taking those gloves off. He… he’d genuinely been much nicer in the past few days and he even cared enough to help Tommy out when he was weak. He was the only one to care enough to come visit. He actually saw that Tommy wasn’t some evil chaos child and that he just wanted to live. Dream cared! Dream loved Tommy! Tears started to well up in Tommy’s eyes.
He's actually… sorry…
Dream lowered himself down and hugged Tommy. Tommy buried his head in Dream's neck. He was just so tired. He just wanted to trust someone again. He’d felt alone for so fucking long. Finally there was someone here for him. He didn’t have to be afraid anymore! He didn’t have to-
Dream’s right hand started trailing down Tommy’s torso.
Tommy’s breath hitched out of surprise and he tried pulling away but Dream had a firm grip on him with his other hand. His right hand went further down. Tommy weakly fought back as he tried to push Dream off of him.
“Dr- DREAM-“
He called out, hoping he’d stop.
“Shhhh shh! Hey… hey… it’s okay! I love you okay? This will be over soon enough!”
Dream’s tone was sickly sweet and sent shivers down Tommy’s neck. Tommy kept trying to pull away but his body felt so heavy. More heavy than a few minutes ago actually. He even struggled to keep his eyes open. What was going on?? Just a second ago he felt happier and safer than he had in a while and now- Tommy’s brain had gotten completely fuzzy. He took a deep breath and tried to focus. Suddenly he realized where Dream’s hand was going and with the little energy he had left he managed to clasp his legs together and ram his knees into Dream’s chest. The older pulled away for a second, although Tommy hadn’t done much as Dream still had his chest plate on.
“Now, now Tommy! Don’t be scared! It’s okay! I’m right here! Soon you’ll feel better…”
Dream’s voice was so soft and comforting it made Tommy want to cry all over again. Tommy’s vision started to get blurry. His panic and fear being the only things keeping him somewhat conscious. He wanted to believe Dream though. He was going to be ok right?
Dream said he’d feel better soon…!
So he should just… tough it out…
He'd be fine…
this was…
…fine…
Tommy couldn’t fight back anymore. Even though he’d only been awake for like two hours his whole body was shutting down again. It was like he’d been drugged.
I’m… going to be… okay……. Right…?
Dream didn’t stop.