Work Text:
thirteen years old.
jeongguk was only just barley a teen when he heard his parents whisper faintly to themselves.
from the few words he picked up on their conversation he could decipher they were talking about him. he remembered that day as if it only happened a day ago. fresh on his mind, making him severely conscious of his wrist.
"he only has six years..." his mother sighed in exhaustion, "i don't understand."
jeongguk didn't either.
he stared down at the countdown on his wrist, a bright green screen counting down the days left he'd have with his soulmate.
before the conversation between his parents he never paid much attention to his wrist, however suddenly it was a nuisance, something heavy and bright showing everybody how much of a tragedy he'd be in six years.
how much of a tragedy he was now.
jeongguk was thirteen years old when he became hyper aware of the numbers on his skin and how sadistic the world could be.
fourteen years old.
jeongguk met taehyung.
at first he came off as a little weird, but he happened to have warded off curious eyes and questions from students about jeongguk's wrist.
he had never felt so relieved in his life.
"sorry about that," taehyung waved his hand at the group who finally settled themselves in their appropriate seats instead of towering around jeongguk. "my grandma always tells me to be considerate of others privacy."
jeongguk was never social, he always kept to himself and didn't have much friends. it was odd for someone to approach him. he guessed it was okay to become friends with taehyung. he showed no interest in asking about his soulmate, and for once jeongguk didn't feel like it defined him.
he discovered taehyung had seventy-one years to find his soulmate. he tried to convince himself he wasn't jealous.
compared to jeongguk, he had all the time in the world.
fifteen years old.
jeongguk and taehyung sat together on the stairs leading to jeongguk's apartment.
the sun was directly beating angrily on their back. maybe it wasn't a smart idea to wear a black shirt on such a sunny day, but jeongguk had no energy to change, not when his thigh was in contact with taehyung's, not when taehyung released small giggles from his lips. taehyung enjoyed the weather, and he never missed a chance to announce it.
taehyung lolled his head back embracing the small gust of wind brushing against his sweaty collarbone, like a sip of cold water to his skin. taehyung let out a small sigh, "don't you just wish the days were slower?"
jeongguk stared at him, head still lolled back, eyes closed with a small hint of a smile on his face. jeongguk was completely awestruck, "yeah, i do."
was he wishing he had more time with his future soulmate or more time with taehyung? he wasn't sure.
jeongguk was fifteen when he realized how in love he was with his best friend taehyung.
the tragedy of jeon jeongguk began the moment he became aware of the countdown on his wrist. it continued with the realization of his feelings towards taehyung.
the world just didn't like him, because taehyung was a fanatic when it came to soulmates. he always declared it was true love, then labeling the subject vulnerable when it came to jeongguk, saying "it's different when it comes to you."
jeongguk knew it was different, why else would he be so desperate to have more time with his soulmate, maybe have a different person to call his (would it give him more time or was he destined to always have four years left?) anger settled in the pit of his stomach at the wish to have taehyung as his soulmate.
seventy years with not a care in the world.
sixteen years old.
taehyung was sick, which meant jeongguk was alone for the whole day. he didn't really mind, after all he only had three classes with taehyung. so the majority of his time he spent alone, quietly listening to the teachers lecture.
it was a shitty day, even though jeongguk tried to convince himself that the absence of taehyung's presence wasn't affecting him. in reality, taehyung always made his day better.
it was nearing itself to the end of the day when jeongguk was absentmindedly sitting on his desk. he tapped on his pencil continuously to get rid of the excessive energy he had bottled up inside. every once in a while his eyes would linger on the clock on the corner of the math room. only a few more minutes until the day was over and the stressful weight of school would be lifted for only a few hours until it came back the following morning.
"stop that," he didn't remember the name of the girl beside him but she seemed pretty irritated at the pencil tapping.
out of politeness he stopped, letting the pencil fall with a clatter. the girl glared at his hand then looked up at him. he subtly hid his clock under his sleeve, as if he revealed a secret he wasn't supposed to.
when the bell rang students were quick to pack up their bags and head out of class. jeongguk was typically someone who would sluggishly put away his textbook, even though he craved to go home.
"why don't you just search for your soulmate?" the girl who sat beside him asked. he knew she didn't mean to come rude but her tone sounded condescending, as if it was so simple. "what will you do after he's dead?" jeongguk's parched throat didn't let him ask her how he knew his soulmate was a male. it also didn't let him tell her to shut up either, "you're going to be lonely for the majority of your life. would it be best for you two to never meet? would that make it less painful or more?" her voice was gradually becoming louder, so loud it felt like she was screaming into his ear, like she was leaving no room to think. his mouth opened and closed, no words came out. her eyes pierced through his skull, "how would he feel if you never gave him a chance? you've given taehyung multiple chances, yet he never took one. why are you wasting your time with someone who will never love you back?"
she screamed her words into his head until he could particularly see them floating in the air, big and red, and easy to read. he gripped onto his desk. his knuckles white from the vice grip.
all of it vanished the moment he felt a tap on his arm, "you okay?" the same girl asked.
the buzzing in his mind came to a halt when he felt grounded into reality. he took a deep breath, noticing everything he just experienced was just his mind playing tricks on him. he looked at the girl who was genuinely concerned (and creeped out, jeongguk didn't blame her. he was a freak).
"yeah i'm okay."
seventeen years old.
taehyung met his soulmate.
they fit together so well, like puzzle pieces, like they were meant to be (at that thought jeongguk almost puked his guts out). he wished he didn't exist when he experienced the happy tears taehyung shed the moment he shared the flickering of his countdown to jeongguk.
taehyung broke down in sobs right in front of public when his soulmate held onto his face whispering words jeongguk couldn't quite catch. what he did catch was the whimpering words taehyung let slip out, "i was afraid i'd never meet you."
a lump in jeongguk's throat formed at his sentence. tae was always so careful with his wording when it came to jeongguk, but the younger noticed just how scared taehyung was of never seeing his soulmate. he was scared, just like jeongguk was except his fear was irrational (of course he would find his soulmate he had sixty-eight years to find them!) while jeongguk's were rational.
he tried not to let tears fall down the edges of his eyes.
when finally in bed he released the broken dam of emotions, sobs shaking the bed, snot painting his sheets.
if the stars didn't love him enough to give him more years with his soulmate who else would after they died?
eighteen years old with three months left.
jeongguk arrived at a diner with only one intention: to try their limited edition pumpkin pancakes.
he wasn't in his best mood, the week had been the slowest he had ever experienced. it explained why he was in a sour mood and kept himself hauled in the comfort of his room, he was scrolling through his phone for extensive hours. he usually procrastinated on his projects, which was why he wasn't that worried (it still crawled it's way into his mind settling a painful sting in the bottom of his stomach). jeongguk was avoiding his two projects due in two days, he knew it was best to start on them while he had the chance, but pumpkin pancakes sounded more pleasurable than using his brain.
at this point he had given up ever finding his soulmate. his mind would come up with endless scenarios about the time he'd finally be able to meet his soulmate. what if it was the day before the countdown ended? his mind was restless with images of how long he had left. he eventually came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for his soulmate and himself to never meet, at least it would be less painful.
there were plenty of people who never met their soulmate and were perfectly content with their lives. there were just as much people who didn't believe in soulmates. jeongguk wished he wasn't so wrapped up in the belief of soulmates, but unfortunately he was.
there was a streak of jealousy whenever he'd catch a glimpse of people's wrists who didn't believe in soulmates. he didn't understand how someone who wanted nothing to do with finding their 'destined lover' had a longer time than he had.
it just didn't seem right. it didn't seem fair at all.
his eyes didn't trail around the scenery of the diner that much. he scanned quickly and when he found an open stool, he occupied it. he gave a rushed glance at the stranger beside him before the moment hit him like a truck. his wrist burned, eyes were foggy. his breath completely stopped when he looked down at his clock, flickering erratically to inform him he finally found them.
it all felt like too much at the same time, just the slightest push on the right button and he was convinced he'd puke on the black and white tiled floor due to shock.
his eyes frantically looked around the diner. from what he could tell nothing was out of the ordinary. when his eyes landed on the male beside him, it was like everything didn't matter. his heart was pounding against his chest, mouth dry and open in disbelief. he tried moistening his lips only to discover his palate was dry from his nerves. he scrambled for words but he couldn't find the right ones. his brain shut itself down and solemnly focused on the male in front of him.
for a second jeongguk believed everything was going to be okay, he was in a haze of tranquility. it was to be expected, people always described meeting with their soulmate as one of the most peaceful experiences of their lives and for a second jeongguk agreed.
the male looked at him with equal reaction with a small ounce of dread, as if jeongguk would reject him. they both didn't move for a while, just basking in the warmth they radiated along with their clocks stinging in urgency and excitement.
jeongguk wasn't sure what snapped him out of his trance, maybe it was the loud clatter of silverware hitting against plates or the way his soulmates eyes landed on his lips in curiosity, as if he imagined they'd seal the deal right away. he wasn't sure what it was, however the moment he could finally breathe the only thing he could think of was three months would never be enough.
"h-hi," his soulmate greeted. he sounded awkward and unsure.
it took jeongguk a few seconds to finally muster the courage to allow his mouth to move, "i'm jeongguk," was all he said.
"i'm jimin, nice to meet you," he formed a genuine smile, his eyes disappearing and creating half moons on his face, his cheeks only added ways to wither into jeongguk's heart and leave it pounding against his chest. "you—"
"we have three months," jeongguk blurted out.
jimin's smile wavered and settled into a straight line. his eyes laid on his wrist. once he finally progressed the numbers his bottom lip quivered. his shaky fingers found their way to jeongguk's wrist. he looked up at him as if asking permission to touch him. jeongguk gave a weak smile to reassure him he didn't have to ask. his warm fingers skimmed through his tan skin. he gingerly swiped the clock, he then let out a shaky breath before breaking down into small whimpers, "why?" was all he asked.
jeongguk gripped onto jimin's hands, his throat constricting. he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it was proven harder than expected when jimin kept crying. "I don't understand!" jimin said between noisy sobs. he laid his head on jeongguk's shoulder, slumping down on his stool like he just gave up on the world.
jeongguk wasn't sure what to say, so instead he laced his fingers with jimin's.
such a perfect fit for the two who didn't have enough time.
three months left.
when taehyung met jimin they instantly became inseparable. they hit it off the moment jeongguk introduced taehyung to jimin.
he had never seen jimin smile so big before, but that was probably because they'd only met six days ago.
in those six days they wasted them in bed feeling every inch of skin they could find, like jimin was dying the next day. during the process jimin cried a few times but shakily gave jeongguk's neck a kiss. it was wet and sloppy but jeongguk loved it.
he whispered, "it's okay. i got you."
it left a small smile on jimin's face.
when jimin finally left jeongguk's home taehyung shot a staggering look at jeongguk. he gave out a pitiful sigh, "i'm sorry," tae said.
jeongguk scrunched his nose in disgust, "shut the hell up."
"i'm sorry," he repeated, "i'm so, so sorry."
jeongguk didn't need taehyung to apologize. what he needed was more time with jimin.
three months left.
jeongguk dropped out of college.
two months left.
jimin finally found the courage to land his lips on jeongguk's. when he did, it was the most pleasurable thing jeongguk had ever experienced. they kissed for the majority of the day until their lips were red and swollen.
jimin giggled. he ran his fingers through jeongguk's hair and then settled his hand against his cheek. he let his thumb caress the skin until jeongguk's eyes fluttered in relaxation.
he loved this.
"i love you," jeongguk knew it was too early for him to admit it, but he was scared he'd never have the opportunity to ever say it. he opened his eyes to see jimin shyly avoiding eye contact with him, "you're so beautiful."
jimin squirmed in embarrassment. there was ruffling of the sheets due to jimin. he hid his face against jeongguk's neck. "love you too," he murmured quietly, so quiet jeongguk could barley hear it.
fortunately he caught it, and the words left a cheesy grin on his face.he held onto jimin tighter, afraid to ever let go. he needed to salivate as much as he could. therefore he let his hands wonder on jimin's waist feeling the warmth against his skin. he then pecked the crown of jimin's head, his lips lingering for quite a few seconds.
jimin picked up on it. he let out a small shaky sigh of contentment before his body hiccuped, "it's not enough."
jeongguk of course didn't need any context to understand what jimin was talking about, "i know baby, i know," he rubbed soothing circles on his back letting him relieve his cries.
two months left.
jimin's mom lived in a pristine house, nothing seemed out of place from what jeongguk could see. it was a house with multiple colored flowers surrounding the porch, and bright green grass. it felt like jimin's life was right out of a movie. it made jeongguk sick to his stomach. how could someone with such a perfect life have such little time?
jimin didn't waste a second to knock on the cherry red door. he took a big breath after knocking, biting his lip as if the action would help him from unraveling.
they patiently waited until a woman (who jeongguk assumed was jimin's mom) opened the door. the moment she processed jimin's face her lips grew into a wide grin, eyes disappearing into those familiar crescents jeongguk would see on jimin.
she finally glanced at jeongguk, who was awkwardly standing there watching the scene unfold. she looked between the two of them as if asking for an explanation until jimin finally gave in, "mom, this is my soulmate jeongguk," he waved his hand at jeongguk.
jimin's mom took a awhile to examine jeongguk, leaving him extremely uncomfortable. before he knew it though, she pulled him into a tight embrace, "is this the news you wanted to tell me jimin? he's so handsome! no wonder you were crying over the phone, of course you'd cry over happiness."
the air grew with tension, that wasn't exactly why he called and why he was crying. jeongguk bit his lip staring down at the wooden floor. he waited for jimin to tell her why they came in the first place.
jimin knew the news would leave her devastated, but they both agreed it was best to tell her than to keep it a secret. he also needed an excuse to see his mom one more time before he died (it left a bitter taste in jeongguk's mouth. it just wasn't right. how could this happen to jimin?).
"actually that's not why i'm here," jimin's voice was small.
when he finally let the news out to his mother, she broke down in loud wails. she cupped his face staring staring at him with teary eyes and loud sobs, "my baby.... this can't be real... my baby."
the emotions she was experiencing were enough to elicit cries from jimin too. they both fell down to their knees, molding their bodies together, "m-mom, i'm sorry."
jeongguk sat there, hands in fists in order to contain himself. his eyes began to water the moment she let out, "you're not supposed to die before me. no baby please, baby please don't leave me," she clung onto jimin softly shaking him.
the tears only accelerated down jimin's cheeks, "i don't want to leave you, mom. i don't."
"my baby... you can't leave me," she repeated her sentence as if it was a mantra. every once in a while her voice would break.
jeongguk couldn't stand to watch anymore of it.
two months left.
"i love you," jeongguk whispered one cloudy morning, "i love you.... iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou!"
one month left.
"what if i were to kill myself?" jeongguk asked. his tone revealed no emotion, like he was talking about the weather.
jimin abruptly stopped chopping vegetables, eyes wide in shock. he then scrunched his face, "what the hell are you talking about, dumbass?"
"what if i were to kill myself?" jeongguk repeated, "would i see you again?"
"don't say that," jimin didn't hesitate to reply. he idly went back to his earlier task, except looking more grumpier than before. "don't ever say that."
one month left.
jeongguk looked down at his wrist, then looked up at his lovers face.
how could the world be so cruel?
one month left.
jimin had cried every day.
he was becoming quite clingy, but jeongguk ate it all up.
one month left.
"i love you. iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou," jeongguk repeated this process every day, "iloveloveloveyou!"
one month left.
jeongguk had jimin's taste engraved into his mouth.
one month left.
"i love you. iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou," jeongguk repeated this process every day, "iloveloveloveyou!"
seven days left.
"i love you. iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou," jeongguk repeated this process every day, "iloveloveloveyou!"
six days left.
"i love you. iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou," jeongguk repeated this process every day, "iloveloveloveyou!"
five days left.
jeongguk was afraid to wake up. "i love you so fucking much," his voice wavered.
he cried his eyes out. he regretted not letting it out earlier when he would have had jimin to comfort him through out the months.
now he only had five days left.
four days left.
they watched the ocean glide across wet sand.
jimin wanted to see the ocean one more time.
three days left.
jeongguk would not leave jimin alone for even a second.
he consumed all the jimin he could get.
all of it.
two days left.
they cried together.
one day left.
jeongguk clung onto jimin as if it'd somehow change the inevitable. he laid kisses on every expand of skin he could find.
jimin couldn't leave him yet.
he needed him.
"please, jimin," he begged, while silent tears trailed down his cheeks.
a few seconds left.
"i love you," jimin whispered, "iloveyouiloveyou I love you so much."
"jimin—" jeongguk didn't even allow himself to finish his sentence as his hands skimmed through tan skin and their lips attached. he savored the taste until his mind couldn't think of anything else to do.
jimin's breath stammered, "i thought we had all the time in the world."
thirteen— (fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen) nineteen years old (every single day).
"i wish we did."