Chapter Text
Ten thousand years had passed since the day of his creation, normally angels are made and given a purpose right away, others have to wait till they reach a certain age, but at least by the time they were five thousand they’d know what their purpose was.
All angels except for him, Lucifer Morningstar.
As far as he was aware he was the only one that had yet to be given a purpose. Constantly watching from the sidelines as his siblings and the other angels went about doing things to help with the creation of the universe, meanwhile he remained in his mothers arms, unable to help.
And he had tried to help.
But no one ever listened to him or took him seriously no matter how hard he tried to prove his point.
If anything the more mature he acted then the more angrier those around him would get.
He didn’t understand why.
He noticed that some of the other angels that were created around the same time as him were treated respectfully and given tasks to do and a purpose in life.
But no one treated him that way, they treated him as if he was just made yesterday, cooing over him and petting him, he hated it.
No one ever treated his siblings like this.
Azrael would rip the arm off someone that dared touch even a single hair on his head.
But mother forbid if Lucifer tried to back away from an unwanted touch, he’d be reprimanded in front of everyone as whoever was holding him at the time tried to figure out the reason for his ‘cranky’ behaviour.
It simply couldn’t just be because he didn’t want to be touched by a stranger, or, because he was tired of being treated like an infant.
No none of that.
But that didn’t matter right now, not today, because today was the day his mother would finally tell him his purpose in life, she had promised after all!
So Lucifer was awake way before he needed to be, which was annoying really, because when Michael put him to bed the night before he had put the bars for it up and he could try and climb over it, but Michael was the one that always remembered whether or not he had made sure his bed was “appropriate for a little one like you Luci~” and the last time he had climbed out by himself he had been put into time out for three hours!
So no, it wasn’t worth risking his brother’s ire just so he could wander around his room aimlessly. It wasn’t like there was anything he could do anyway, the door to his room was locked and the things inside his room were… things he didn’t enjoy to say the least…
In all honesty it hadn't felt like his room in a very long time, he sometimes wondered if it ever did feel like his… he never really felt like he belonged here… and he wasn’t just thinking about the room.
He sighed and shuffled in his bed crib and rolled himself over, he longed to grab one of his plushies to hold to his chest for comfort - but he had pushed them all to the bottom of his bed, he did try putting them all away but his mother and siblings had gotten them back out - ignoring him when he tried to explain that no one else had tidied them away, rather he had grown out of them… such conversations often went ignored, or ended with him in time out or having an early bedtime.
One night his sister told him off when she came in and saw him ‘throwing his toys across the room’ (i.e. pushing them over the bars) and then had told his other siblings and his mother what he had been doing - once again no one had bothered to listen to him or his defense. Mother had even made him sleep in her room that night, in the bed she kept in there for him, she didn’t really need to sleep herself though she often said she enjoyed being able to lie down and rest her eyes.
He used to always sleep in mothers room, he didn’t remember how it came to be that he got his own room, maybe it was the one time he had insisted and go what he wanted… Surprising really. He sometimes thought his mother would prefer if he was at her side constantly, thankfully she had far too much work to do for that, which was probably why he did have his own space, one all his siblings could get in and out of whenever… even when he couldn’t leave.
He let his eyes fall shut in the hopes that maybe he’d manage to get a little bit of sleep, but he remained restless, too excited and hopeful that today would finally be the day that those around him will finally treat him with respect and like… like an adult and not as a baby.
He wasn’t a baby anymore.
He just wished his family could see that.
He must have managed to drift off at least a little because the next time he was opening his eyes it was to the sound of his door slowly creaking open, he didn’t hesitate to throw the blanket off himself and move himself to look at the door.
He wasn’t surprised to see that it was indeed Michael coming in to get him - probably just so he can check that he hadn’t tried escaping in the night.
Michael chuckled at the sight of his baby brother scrambling to get up, looking at him with those big baby blues, so full of life and energy, “Someone’s certainly awake this morning.”
Lucifer didn’t say anything, biting his lip to hold back all the things he wanted to say in case the wrong words came out. Today was too important for him to mess up right away, instead he simply held his hands up in a silent demand for freedom.
His brother chuckled again as he came over and picked him up, though instead of setting him down he began blowing raspberries and kisses onto his cheeks making the younger of the two giggle uncontrollably, uselessly pushing against his brother to make him back off.
Curse his ticklish nature.
“Nooo!” He eventually squealed out between his giggles, leaning back so far in his brother's arms Michael had to quickly adjust his hold lest he drop him, which honestly Lucifer wouldn’t have minded.
“Alright alright, that's enough morning kisses for you,” Michael said with a laugh, bouncing the younger in his arms for a moment, “Shall we get you dressed? Or do you want to wait till after breakfast before getting dressed?”
Lucifer willed himself not to flush with embarrassment at the thought of going out there in the silly pajamas he wore, he used to not care but nowadays… It was mortifying to be seen wearing such baby clothes, even the actual toddlers he had seen didn’t wear what he wore.
“Dressed first… I can do it.” The last part was uttered so quietly, so softly he was almost sure Michael wouldn’t hear it.
But Michael had.
Lucifer knew he had from the way his hold on him tightened and the way his body stiffened, his relaxed posture now tensed and there was a slight twitching of his jaw.
As if uttering the taboo in a softer tone was going to get him what he wanted.
“Lucifer,” said angel shrinked in his brothers hold at the warning in his voice, “What have we said before, you can’t dress by your-”
“Can’t I at least pick?”
Michael pursed his lips as he looked at him with narrow eyes, then a little smirk crossed his face before it was quickly replaced with a soft smile. Lucifer noticed it all the same.
“You know what, sure honey I’ll let you pick.”
Lucifer blinked, shock lighting his face, “Really?”
Michael set him down on the changing table, “Yep~ Let’s start with your diapers.”
Lucifer flinched, he had been begging, crying, screaming trying to convince everyone to let him go to the toilet the same way everyone else does… the day he had discovered how and where the other angels went to go had been… illuminating.
It was one of those times his sister was meant to be watching him - though she had forgotten it was her turn and had scheduled some sort of fashion show meant to inspire heaven, she had set him down distracted and quickly rushed off to fix something, and - well - he wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip by.
A moment of solace, a moment to do what he wanted, no it was just too good to pass.
So he quickly snuck off, using his smaller frame to his advantage to remain hidden.
That's when another angel ran past him, nearly knocking him over (not that they saw) muttering to themselves about how close to wetting themselves they were.
Now that had piqued his curiosity, he thought only babies wet themselves - that’s what his family said after all - and he never saw any of them in diapers, or their mum changing them so…
He followed the other angel to a door with a sign on it, though he didn’t know what it said, he went inside anyway.
He was confused to see even more doors inside - though they only seemed to lead into a space about the size of a cupboard with a strange seat inside - opposite the doors was rows of counters, he saw as a different angel stood at the counter, whistling to themselves as they washed their hands - oh its a sink - he’s seen those before, there was a sink in the room he had baths in, but there wasn’t a strange cupboard in there with the strange chair.
Someone else came in behind him - once again nearly knocking into him - they headed straight for one of the strange cupboards, closing the door behind themselves. Lucifer shuffled closer and saw beneath the gap in the door as the other angels' garments pooled around their feet. Were they nakey now, then he heard the sound of liquid hitting against the porcelain and he blushed. This person was wetting themselves like he does!
No… not like he does… was this how his family did it to, is this how grown up’s did it - did they use these strange cupboards?
Hesitantly he approached one of the cupboards and closed it behind himself, he then struggled to get his clothes and diaper off, once he had managed it however he then struggled to get himself onto the seat, having to use his wings to help him get up - though he did end up making a bit of ruckus when his wings thumped painfully against the cupboard walls - why were these seats in narrow rooms?
He knew his diaper was dry, but how was he meant to know if he actually needed to go?
He sat there for a second or two, he was starting to feel a little silly when it finally happened - he was wetting himself!
Except he wasn’t!
He grinned happily to himself and giggled slightly, did this mean he could be a big boy now?
Once he was sure he was done - he couldn’t hear himself peeing anymore - he hopped off the toilet and moved to put his clothes back on, though he hesitated with the diaper… mostly because he realised taking it off had broken it. He had kind of hoped he could get away with pretending to wear it till he was more confident with not only using the toilet - but as a way to prove to his family that he could keep it dry.
He was sure one of his brothers had said that only big boys can keep their diapers dry, so if he wore these but made sure to run to those strange cupboards regularly then he’d finally be able to prove to them that he wasn’t a baby anymore!
Exiting the cupboard he poked his head out first, seeing that the area was now empty, he walked out and headed over to the bin that was near the sinks and put the now broken diaper inside and then looked up at the counters, he needed to wash his hands - another thing he had never actually done by himself before. Someone was always there to help clean his hands with the soap… it didn’t seem like a difficult task except that it was a bit high up - at least this time there were no walls to get in his way! So spreading his wings he used them to help reach the sink to wash his hands.
He couldn’t help but screech when he turned the tap only for water to rush out so hard it sprayed him, then he struggled with getting the soap out of the bottle and somehow half of it ended up inside the sink - and then the taps wouldn’t turn off. He used some of the tissues to stuff the taps till they finally stopped leaking.
He gently lowered himself back to the ground and sighed, that certainly could have gone better, but at least he kind of knew what he was doing now.
He dusted off his robes and then mentally prepared himself to go back outside to find his sister, hopefully she hadn’t noticed that he had vanished, he couldn’t have been gone for that long…
Cautiously opening the door, he was surprised someone wasn’t already standing outside waiting for him with their arms folded across their chest as they gave him that look that often made him feel… small.
He looked around, and upon deciding that the close was clear he quickly made his way back to the room his sister was in… only she wasn’t there anymore, and if she wasn’t there then that meant-
“Lucifer Morningstar!”
Oh no, his shoulders hunched up as he slowly turned around, the sight of his mother standing behind him with her arms folded across her chest - all eyes trained upon with that look piercing his soul.
“Come here.” She ordered, pointing to the space in front of her.
Lucifer shuffled towards her with his head down, the sleeves of his gown were too long and covered his hands and it meant he couldn’t help but pick at the hem anxiously.
He hated getting into trouble, it didn’t used to be so bad, but lately the punishments had been getting more…
“Where were you?” His mother demanded, staring down at him.
“I…”
“And don’t even think about trying to lie to me, your sister was nearly in hysterics!” As she spoke, said sister came up beside her, and Lucifer couldn’t help but feel guilty as he saw her eyes were red rimmed - he hadn’t meant to make her worried.
Soon the rest of his siblings had joined them, all of them looking at him expectantly.
“Umm…”
“What have I said to you before about wandering off on your own.”
“To not to.” He mumbled sadly, looking down at his feet willing himself not to cry.
“Now where were you Lucifer?”
“I… I just went to the…” Actually, where did he go? He had no idea what that place was called, “The room with those weird cupboards.” He tried to explain, looking up at everyone.
His siblings blinked in bewilderment before exchanging confused looks, his mother however narrowed her eyes, “A room with cupboards, and what was in the cupboards.”
Lucifer frowned, “Umm they were chairs with holes in them.”
“You went to the public washroom.” His mother stated almost blandly.
“Oh, yeah… I… I heard someone say they were going t-to wet themselves if they didn’t hurry and I… I wanted to see where they were going and they went there and thenItrieddoingwhattheydidandIdiditand-”
“Lucifer, sweetheart, breathe.” His mother crooned, reaching out to cup his face and run a hand soothingly through his hair.
He followed his mothers instructions, unable to stop himself from leaning into her touch. After he had calmed down his mother took his hand and began leading him towards the throne room, his siblings trailing behind them and muttering amongst themselves.
The room was filled with a few other angels around, mostly members of the council. They all looked over and smiled at them all but none dared approach, they could clearly sense something was about to happen and did not want to get in the lord's way.
His mother stood before her throne but did not sit down, choosing to remain standing as his siblings flanked her. A heavy feeling settled like weight in his stomach.
“Try that again sweetie, but slowly this time.”
Well, it’s now or never. “I… When I was in that room I found out what they did and… and I did it too… I didn’t use the diaper and even washed my hands!” His fear and anxiety was quickly overcome by a sense of pride, he couldn’t help but puff up his chest.
His pride quickly deflated in the face of oppressive silence.
His siblings either looked upset and annoyed or completely stone-faced whilst his mother stared at him with a blank expression morphing into an almost loving gaze.
“Oh honey, do you really think that after you ran off from your sister, nearly knocked over a few angels, nearly broke your wings on the stall doors and then broke the sinks in the toilet and could have flooded the place … That you're a big boy?”
Lucifer floundered, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he tried to think how to respond.
His mother pressed on, however, “And tell me, did you know you needed to go or did you just hope that you would.”
His face flushing with embarrassment was answer enough, he couldn't help but wrap his arms around himself, hands digging into his biceps.
“Being able to sit on the toilet isn't what makes you a big boy - though if you are too small to reach then you certainly aren't ready for it - being a big boy means being responsible for your actions… And knowing when you need to go potty, but you never know, you just go, know why that is?”
He didn’t respond, there was no need to.
His mother moved closer to him.
“It's because you’re just a baby, honey. All your actions scream this afternoon is that you’re a little baby that doesn’t put any thought into anything-”
“That’s not true!” He yelled, stomping his foot before immediately regretting it.
What a way to prove he wasn’t childish or a baby.
His mother raised a brow, her voice was stern and filled with authority, “You made a mess Lucifer. You nearly destroyed the washroom but thankfully someone saw and I was able to fix it - not that it matters much for me as it was an easy fix but you could have hurt yourself! I’d say what were you thinking but I know that you weren’t - you never think Lucifer… But that's ok sweetheart, mummy doesn’t expect you to think” She finished in a croon, her voice like a soft melody.
He barely had a second to process it when he suddenly found himself naked, immediately he sat on the floor with his knees to his chest and his arms around them, his cheeks burning as humiliation raced through him as his mother held up his robe and expected it, she hummed and then the robe vanished, “Messy as expected, and of course you’ve taken it upon yourself to not wear your diaper today.” She sighed.
“I-I-”
“You know what honey if you manage to warn me that you need to go potty before you have a little accident I’ll let you use one instead of putting your diapers back on, but if you do have an accident without realising it then its straight back in one, understand?”
Lucifer sniffled and bit his lip and looked over his mothers face searchingly, so if he managed to figure out when he needed to pee he wouldn’t have to wear a diaper… that would be… too good to be true.
“P-promise?”
His mother smiled lovingly down at him, “I promise.”
After a second he slowly nodded and raised his arms, his mother all too happy to pick him up and carry him over to throne where she sat with him in her lap, cooing and fussing over him - of course she also made him apologise to his sister for making her worry which he did feel bad about.
He had done his best to keep cheek of himself, but he was feeling embarrassed that he was still naked on his mothers lap even when a lot of time had pass as others approached her, whether it be a simple angel begging an audience with the lord or a member of the council requesting input on the newest project, and all of them looked at him and smiled and cooed, telling his mother how cute ‘the baby’ was, them and his siblings laughing over state of dress - or rather lack thereof.
It was only because he had closed his that he suddenly realised there was a pressure in his tummy, he tried to get her attention but she was still in the middle of a conversation with Sera - one of the council members, and looking around showed his siblings were busy too.
He tried to squirm out of his mothers hold but she wouldn’t let him go, simply shushing him when he tried to speak up, tears of frustration welled up in his eyes.
Finally he caught the eyes of one of his brothers, he looked desperately at Gabe and made grabby hands at him.
His brother was quick to rush over then, “Aww does Lulu want me to hold him?”
“I got-gotta go!” He said ,voice filled with desperation, he had never tried holding himself from peeing before, he wasn’t sure he was going to last.
Gabe tutted and shook his head, “Mother should have put the diaper back on you.” He muttered to himself, making Lucifer pout frown.
Gabe sighed and then smiled strangely, “Well mother did say she’d let you use a potty if you said you needed to go before having an accident.”
With a snap of his fingers, a light blue plastic thing suddenly appeared, almost immediately distracting everyone and causing them to glance over.
Lucifer stared at it in confusion before looking at his older brother, “What’s that?”
“It's a potty.” Gabe informed.
“I… It doesn’t look like the-”
“Well of course not, those are toilets and they’re far too big for you. No this is a potty, this is what mother promised to let you use.”
Lucifer’s bottom lip wobbled as he tried not to cry, he knew it had sounded too good to be true, “B-but, I want to do what you-”
Gabe reached up and pinched his cheek none too gently, “Oh Luci, you’re far too little for that. Babies can’t use those till they’ve learnt to use a potty, now are you gonna use it or…?”
Lucifer looked down at the plastic potty, and then back at his brother, a sad look upon his face - it was even more disconcerting for him that others were watching him and his mother was smiling expectantly at him.
He turned away from everyone and buried his face into his brother's shoulder, “I don’t want them to watch me.” He mumbled.
“What are you talking about baby, no one’s watching.” He lied.
But Lucifer remained with his face hidden away, his tears soaking his brother's cloak. Eventually he shook his head and tried to bite back his sobs, a task made more difficult when he was placed on the potty anyway.
“Aww come on Luci, you really wanted to prove you were a big boy earlier didn’t you?”
Lucifer started sobbing as he looked up at his brother then at everyone else watching him, everyone was smiling and looking at him as if he was just being silly and cute.
And worst of all, he couldn’t even hold it anymore, not that he had really done that well before judging from the wet stains on his brother's cloak. Gabe noticed where his gaze went but simply ruffled his hair, “Don’t worry little star, we all know how easy it is for you to have an accident, babies can’t help themselves after all.”
He hadn’t even finished peeing when he tried to stand up to get away, but his brother kept him where he was, not at all put off by his loud cries, “Come on now Luci you gotta stay where you are, you wanted to learn didn’t you~” Gabe crooned almost cruelly.
Perhaps it was cruel of him to do this, but his little brother had to remember his place.
Lucifer shook his head frantically. He didn’t want to do this.
At some point he must have been done as Gabe picked him back up, the feeling of magic washing over him alongside the feeling of his lower half being padded up let him know his brother had put a diaper back on him, though no other piece of clothing offered.
His brother had also changed his cloak before carrying him back over to his seat and sitting down, one hand rubbing up and down Lucifer’s back soothingly, resuming his conversation with his siblings as if that moment hadn’t ever happened.
Lucifer remembered looking over his brother’s shoulder and at his mum, seeing her smiling at him and looking so pleased.
He had wondered if she was pleased he had learned how it felt when he needed to go, that he was onto the next step of using a potty even if he hated the thing...
Or if she was pleased he had essentially had a meltdown and failed and was back in diapers once more.
“Lulu~” Michael’s voice crooned, pulling him away from memory lane.
He blinked as he focused back on his brother, Michael chuckled as looked fondly down at him.
“Silly thing, thought I’d lost you there for a minute, it's such a big decision for you isn’t, are you sure you don’t want big brother to pick your outfit for you?”
Lucifer almost sighed, this was certainly going to be a long morning for him.