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Mark knew something was off when all his friends could talk about was the girls on their grade they wanted to hook up with while he couldn't be less interested, the mere idea of having sex with any of them making his skin crawl.
At first, he had thought that maybe he just hadn't found that one girl he wanted to be with, and that when he finally did, everything his friends talked about would finally make sense.
So when he had met Sarah, Mark had been sure he finally understood. Sarah was smart, and funny, and so incredibly pretty that Mark hadn't believed it at first when she had agreed to go out on a date with him.
The first time they had kissed, it had been nice. Mark was walking her back home after a date, and when they had arrived at her door, Sarah had got on her tiptoes to kiss him, short and sweet, and it had been perfect. Mark just wished he could say the same about the first time things got… heated.
They were alone in Sarah’s room, taking advantage of the fact her parents were out of town for the weekend. Sarah was laying on top of him, her hands sneaking under his shirt as they kissed, and Mark knew he was supposed to feel something, to want more, but he just felt indifferent, and even a little bit disgusted, and he just couldn't understand why.
He liked Sarah, he really did, and he loved being with her, he loved the hand holding and the hugs and the soft kisses, but the moment things escalated it just felt wrong somehow, he just couldn't enjoy it the way he knew he was supposed to, and it hadn't been for the lack of trying. He had tried to mimic her enthusiasm, and convince himself that he was enjoying every second of it, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't lie to himself.
Mark knew he couldn't avoid sex forever, so he had tried to mentally prepare himself for that moment. He had tried to convince himself that was what he wanted, but no matter how hard he tried to make it okay in his brain, his first, and only, time with Sarah had still felt wrong. It hadn't been bad, just wrong. He was seventeen, sex was supposed to be all he thought about, it was supposed to be the thing he wanted to do more than anything just like everyone else his age, so he did it. He had sex with his beautiful girlfriend and he tried to enjoy it, really tried, and even though he didn't, he at least tried to put on a show just so Sarah wouldn't feel bad or unwanted, and he knew he did a good job because she never said anything about it.
They broke up a couple of weeks later. He was going to Europe to pursue a career in racing and Sarah was staying in Australia for college, and Mark was ashamed of admitting he had been relieved when Sarah had agreed it was better if they just went their separate ways and stayed as friends. He was finally free of pretending and he had a chance of starting from scratch in England.
-
Mark didn't date. He had tried it again when he moved to England, but just like with Sarah, the moment things got heated, he always got the same feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach that made him want to throw up.
At some point, Mark had just thought that maybe he just didn't like women, and that had led to him discovering more about himself and his sexuality, and also to Andrew, his first, and only, boyfriend.
Things started well between them, and even though that feeling in the pit of his stomach was also there when things got heated with Andrew, Mark had just attributed it to the fact that it was all new to him, since he had never been with a man before, but then they had sex for the first time, and Mark didn't hate it, but he also didn't enjoy it, and no matter how many times he told himself he would get there with time, sex for him felt more like a task than something enjoyable.
So no matter how much he carved the physical touch and intimacy, Mark just didn't date.
Until he met Fernando.
Fernando, who was funny and smart, and kind of an idiot at the same time, and somehow always knew what Mark needed even before the Aussie himself did.
Mark hadn't been sure at first. Fernando was a player, Mark more than once had had to listen to the Spaniard’s stories about his endless hookups while they shared a drink, so when Fernando had asked him out, Mark had been hesitant at first, because even though he liked the Spaniard, he knew he couldn't give him what Fernando was most likely looking for, but Mark was selfish, and he wanted Fernando, so he had accepted the offer. Maybe things were different this time.
And they were. Kind of.
Mark liked being with Fernando. He hadn't dated anyone in years, so things had been awkward at first, but it was fine because Fernando also seemed like he didn't really know what he was doing, which made Mark feel a bit better about himself.
Their first kiss was after a race, when Fernando had pushed Mark into a hidden corner after the podium ceremony just so he could kiss him, trophies still in hand and lips testing of champagne, and it had been perfect.
After that things stopped being awkward. Fernando started pulling Mark into dark corners around the paddock so he could kiss him more often, and Mark was less tense each time he did. He had never had a problem with kissing, kissing was fine, and he liked kissing Fernando, it just felt natural, and Mark was sure this was what he was supposed to feel when he was alone with the person he liked, and for the first time in his life, the thought of taking things further with someone didn't make his skin crawl. He was sure this time he would be able to finally enjoy things like he was supposed to.
He was wrong.
They were in Fernando’s driver room. It was raining, so they still had time before their teams needed them in the car, and Mark had started to hate being in Red Bull’s hospitality, so Fernando had invited him to come with him to Ferrari’s.
At first, Mark had thought that they would just talk, maybe watch something on Fernando's computer, but as soon as the Spaniard’s had closed the door behind them, he was pushing Mark down into the small sofa he had in his room, his lips quickly finding the Aussie’s, and Mark hadn't minded it. Fernando’s lips were soft against him, and he was kissing him deep and slow, like he just wanted to commit Mark’s mouth to memory with his tongue, and it was nice, but then Fernando’s hands were sneaking under his shirt, and Mark could feel the Spaniard's hard dick pressing against hip, and suddenly it wasn't nice anymore.
Objectively, he knew he should be having a good time. Fernando was hot, like, incredibly hot, and he knew a lot of people would do anything to be in his position right now, so why couldn't Mark just fucking enjoy it?
He tried to ignore that feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach and focus on Fernando instead. On the Spaniard's weight on top of him, his warm hands softly caressing his sides. Mark liked that, he didn't mind Fernando touching him when it was just some innocent caresses, so he tried to focus on that.
Fernando was clearly enjoying himself, if his hard on and the little noises falling from his lips were anything to go, and Mark didn't want to ruin it for him, he really didn't want to mess up, but one of Fernando’s hands was slowly moving down Mark’s torso and towards his jeans and Mark panicked.
“Wait,” Mark said, grabbing at Fernando’s wrist before the Spaniard could start unbuttoning his jeans. He was feeling breathless, his chest rising and falling quickly with his labored breaths, and Mark hoped Fernando attributed that to their make out session and not to the fact Mark suddenly couldn't breathe. “I- Not here”
Fernando frowned down at him, head tilted to the side in a clear sign of confusion, and Mark could feel his cheeks flush in embarrassment.
“I just- What if someone walks in? Or what if anyone hears? I don't think it's a good idea to, you know,” Mark lied, swallowing as he watched Fernando watch him, the Spaniard's eyes moving all over his face before he seemed to understand what Mark was talking about.
“Oh, yeah, sure,” Fernando said, pulling away from Mark so he could sit on the couch instead, a small frown forming on his face as he looked down at the floor, and Mark could practically see the gears turn in his head.
“It's not, uh, it's not that I don't want to,” Mark lied again. He didn't know why, but he felt guilty for stopping Fernando. “It's just that I don't think this is the ideal place to… do it”
Fernando nodded, turning to look at Mark with a small smile, and even though he was trying to look like it was fine, Mark had known Fernando long enough to be able to know when the Spaniard was upset, and right he was.
For a second Mark thought about taking it all back. He still didn't want to have sex with Fernando, but he could always try to pretend he was enjoying it, and maybe the Spaniard would be okay with just a quick handjob. Not that Mark would like that any better, but he could make the sacrifice for Fernando, and it was easier to pretend when he just had to focus on pleasuring the other person instead of having to pretend he was enjoying it himself.
Luckily for him there was a knock on the door before he could say anything he would most likely regret later, and then Andrea’s voice was telling them that they rain had stopped and they would have to be in the car soon, so Mark had send Fernando one last look before getting up and leaving with a small goodbye.
-
“Stay the night”
Mark’s breath caught in his throat, Fernando’s words taking him by surprise. He knew what Fernando was doing, what he meant by staying the night, and Mark could feel that feeling of dread slowly making an appearance on the pit of his stomach once again.
After that day in Fernando’s driver room, the Spaniard hadn’t tried to start anything himself again, probably because he was waiting for Mark to take the lead, but that didn’t mean Fernando hadn’t made clear what he wanted every time they were alone, and it didn’t surprise Mark. They had been dating for a few months now, and sex seemed like the obvious next step in their relationship, and Mark wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to avoid it before Fernando started to ask questions, or worse, get tired of him and leave, so he thought about relenting. It was not like he was a virgin, he had had sex before and he didn't like those people as much as he liked Fernando, so maybe he could give the Spaniard what he wanted. It wouldn't feel right, because nothing related to sex ever did, and he would prefer to avoid it altogether, but he knew that was just unrealistic.
“It wasn’t a preposition,” Fernando suddenly said, making Mark frown as he turned to look at him with a confused expression. “I mean, it can be if you want to, but that was not what I had in mind when I offered, I just, I like having you here, that’s all”
“Oh,” Mark’s eyes widened slightly. He was not expecting that at all, and he was surprised. He could still see the want in Fernando’s eyes, and he knew the Spaniard probably wanted him to be the one to suggest they had sex, and Mark wished he could do that, but he just couldn’t. “That’s, uh, that’s nice, I also like being here, with you”
Mark could see the moment Fernando’s smile fell for a moment before the Spaniard caught himself and smiled up at him, and Mark felt guilty again just like he had felt back in Fernando’s driver room a couple of weeks ago. He knew he should probably talk to Fernando, explain to him that it was not that Mark didn’t want him, because he did, Mark wanted Fernando by his side, he wanted to spend time with him cycling or walking the dogs. He wanted to be able to hold Fernando’s hand or simply kiss him when he felt like it, but he knew Fernando wanted more, and Mark couldn’t give him more.
It had been awkward when they had gone to bed, and Mark knew it was all his fault for making it a bigger deal than it should be. They were just going to sleep, and he was being ridiculous. He hesitated for a memento before crawling into bed with Fernando, laying down on his back next to Fernando, who was laying on his back as well. There was a small space between them and Mark felt like they were actually miles away, and then Fernando was moving and before Mark knew it the Spaniard had practically wrapped around him like an octopus. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Mark relaxed into the pillow, wrapping his arm around Fernando to pull him even closer before burying his nose on the Spaniard’s hair, letting the familiar scent of the vanilla shampoo calm his nerves before he tried to fall asleep.
Mark woke up first the next day. Fernando was still sleeping, his face buried on Mark’s chest, and his hair was tickling Mark’s nose, making him sniff softly with a smile.
He thought about getting up so he could take a shower, and maybe then he could make breakfast and come back to bed to wake up Fernando with breakfast in bed, but then Fernando was moving, and Mark felt the Spaniard’s hardness against his leg, and Mark started to panic, so he did the first thing that he could think of.
He ran away.
Fernando had called him later that day, and Mark was expecting the Spaniard to yell at him and ask for an explanation as to why Mark had left in the morning without saying anything, but instead Fernando had invited him to go out cycling for a bit, and it was a nice day so Mark had agreed to go.
“Mark?” Fernando said. They had stopped in a park so they could refill their bottles and take a small break.
Mark just hummed as an answer, letting himself fall back into the grass, closing his eyes to protect them from the sun, and he could hear as Fernando sat down next to him.
“We need to talk”
That made Mark’s eyes open again, and he sat up straight, looking at Fernando with a worried expression. It was never good when someone started a conversation with that sentence, and Mark wondered if Fernando had finally had enough of him pushing him away when it came to sex and was about to break up with him. Mark wouldn’t blame.
“What-” Mark cleared his throat, trying to stop his heart from trying to get out off his chest. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Do you like me, Mark?” Fernando asked, his voice sounding oddly vulnerable. Mark wasn’t expecting that. “Because I am starting to feel like you are only with me out of some kind of obligation, you know? And it sucks, so if you don’t want to be with me just tell me please”
“What?” Mark frowned. “Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know,” Fernando huffed, running his hands through his sweaty hair, his helmet laying next to the bike a couple of meters away. “THings just feel off sometimes when we are together, is juts, I feel like you don’t really want to be alone with him”
Mark didn’t know what to say. He could kind of understand why Fernando would feel that way, and Mark felt like a complete asshole now. He never wanted Fernando to feel unwanted. “I-”
“This morning,” Fernando interrupted Mark before he could say anything. “You- I woke up and you were gone, Mark, no note, no message, nothing, and I thought, I don’t know, I thought maybe you didn’t want to stay the night and just agreed to because I wanted you to”
Mark sighed, hiding his face on his hands for a moment so he could think. “I am sorry, okay? I just remembered I had some things I needed to take care off”
“Do you really want to be with me, Mark?” Fernando asked. “And I want a honest answer please”
Mark turned to look at Fernando, who was looking at him with an expression Mark had never seen before, at least not directed to him. Fernando was hurt and it was all because of him.
“Of course I want to be with you,” Mark’s voice was soft but firm as he grabbed one of Fernando’s hands in his. “And I am sorry if I ever made you think I don’t, okay? I just, relationships are not my strong point,” He chuckled softly, and he was happy to hear Fernando joining him.
“It’s okay,” Fernando sighed, leaning his head on Mark’s shoulders, moving their interlocked hands to his lap where he started to fidget with Mark’s fingers. “Just, don’t make me wake up in an empty apartment again without at least a note, si?”
“Promise,” Mark smiled, turning his head to leave a kiss in Fernando’s head.
-
Mark couldn't open the damn door.
Fernando had invited him out to celebrate their double podium, and even though Mark wasn't really a club type of guy, Fernando could be very convincing when he wanted to be, so they had ended up in a club, and they had danced, and they had drink, but not enough for any of them to be properly drunk, but they still were tipsy, and Fernando got clingy when he drank, so the Spaniard was currently kissing down Mark’s neck while the Aussie tried, and failed, to open the door of his hotel room. He tried to push Fernando away from him so he could open the door, but the Spaniard just protested, biting down softly on Mark’s neck.
“Fonz,” Mark protested, trying, and failing again, to push the Spaniard away from his neck. “Fonz, can't open the door if you don't stop”
Fernando giggled, the idea of moving away clearly not part of his plans as he moved even closer to Mark, one of his hands sneaking under Mark’s shirt.
“You're impossible,” Mark huffed, trying to concentrate really hard on opening the door, a big smile forming on his face when he finally did.
They stumbled inside, their lips now connected as Mark closed the door behind himself with his leg before he was being pushed against it by Fernando.
“Are so damn hot,” Fernando mumbled as he moved to kiss alongside Mark’s jaw and down his neck again. “Want you so bad”
Mark groaned at Fernando’s words, a shiver running down his spine. In any other situation, he would have probably pushed the Spaniard away, but right now Fernando’s lips felt so nice on his neck that Mark couldn't think of anything else. “Fuck”
“That's the idea,” Fernando chuckled, grabbing a fistful of Mark’s shirt before he started to walk back towards the bed, pulling Mark with him, and the Aussie just let himself be pulled.
Mark let Fernando take the lead. He hadn't done this in years, not that Fernando knew that, so he wasn't sure what to do, and the alcohol wasn't really helping him think straight.
“You tell me if you want to stop, si?” Fernando mumbled against Mark’s neck, and he just nodded, taking a deep breath as he felt Fernando’s hand start to undo his jeans.
Mark knew he should probably stop Fernando, because he knew from past experiences that alcohol didn't help him when it came to sex, it just made it harder for him to pretend he was actually enjoying it, but a part of him, a small one, actually wanted to do this.
Fernando was different from all the other people Mark had ever had sex, Mark actually loved Fernando, and he tried to use that excuse to convince himself that he actually wanted this as Fernando started to pull down his jeans.
-
Mark sighed, turning around so he could bury his face on Fernando’s neck. It was still early, since there was not much light coming from through the curtains, and Mark knew Fernando was awake just because of the arm around his waist pulling him closer to the Spaniard.
“Morning,” Fernando mumbled against Mark’s hair, squeezing him again before finally turning so he was practically laying on top of Mark and burying his face on the Aussie’s neck, making Mark chuckle softly. “You smell nice,” Fernando said against Mark’s skin, starting to softly kiss up and down his neck.
When he felt Fernando’s lips on his neck, Mark tensed. Last night had been… fine. Mark was sure if he actually liked sex, he would have enjoyed it a lot because Fernando spent the whole time trying to make sure of it, which was nice, and Mark had tried to enjoy it, but just like all the other times, Mark had kind of hated it.
“Mark,” Fernando’s voice brought Mark back to the present, and he realized the Spaniard was no longer lying down on top of him but was actually sitting on the bed, his body turned towards him so he could look at his face. “You didn't like it”
Mark frowned at that, not really understanding what Fernando was talking about, and the confusion was probably clear in his face because Fernando sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“The sex, you didn't like it last night, didn't enjoy it”
It was more of a statement than a question, and Mark could feel a limp starting to form on his throat as he looked at Fernando.
“I- What? Of course I did, it, uh, it was good, yeah,” Mark lied as he sat up on the bed himself.
“Don't lie to me, Mark,” Fernando huffed, rolling his eyes at Mark. “I know when my partner is really enjoying what we are doing and when they don't, and last night you were not enjoying it”
Mark didn't know what to say, he had thought he had done a good job at pretending, he had never had problems with that before, and it hadn't seemed like Fernando had realized last night.
“Why didn't you say you didn't want to have sex?” Fernando asked. “I told you if you are not interested then you should tell me! Is not- Is not fair on any of us, Mark”
Mark closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he opened them again so he could look at Fernando’s eyes. Mark had always thought Fernando’s eyes were very expressive, and it was easy to know what he was feeling just with one look at his eyes, and right now Mark could see the confusion and the hurt in them, and also a little bit of anger.
“I-” Mark cleared his throat, trying to push the lump down his throat so he didn't feel like he was choking while explaining himself. “I am interested, I want to be with you”
Fernando frowned, studying Mark’s face for a moment before he sighed. “Then what is it? You weren't ready to have sex? Is that it? Because if that's the problem you should have told me, I would have waited, Mark”
“Yeah, sure,” Mark scoffed, suddenly getting up from the bed and walking straight into the bathroom so he could splash some water on his face.
Fernando frowned, getting up to go after Mark, standing on the door of the bathroom. “Why you act like I lie? I waited, didn't I? I waited for months and always stopped when you say to stop”
Mark closed his eyes, biting into his cheek as he heard Fernando’s words, his grip on the sink tightening. He knew the Spaniard was right. Fernando had waited for months, and he had never demanded anything of Mark, sure, he had got upset a couple of times when Mark had just pushed him away and made up some shitty excuse, but Fernando had never pushed him to do anything if Mark didn't want to.
Mark sighed. Everything would be so much easier if he could just enjoy sex like everyone else. Why did he have to be like this? He just wanted to be normal and be able to be with Fernando without feeling like he was about to throw up the moment the Spaniard’s hands got close to his crotch.
“Mark, breathe,” Fernando said, voice soft, and Mark realized then that he was crying.
He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, shaking his head before he turned to walk past Fernando and back into the bedroom, going to sit down on the bed and hiding his face in his hands. He could feel the bed dip next to him when Fernando sat down, and then there was a hand caressing his back as the Spaniard whispered into his ear to breathe.
“Fuck, this is embarrassing,” Mark let our a humorless chuckled when he felt like he could breathe again, wiping away the tears again with arm. “Sorry”
“Is fine, no need to apologize,” Fernando said softly, still caressing Mark’s back slowly. “Talk to me, Mark, want to understand what's wrong, if I did anything I am sorry”
“You didn't do anything,” Mark mumbled, clearing his throat when he felt a lump forming on it again. “It's me, I just- I don't want to have sex,” Mark finally choked out, going back to hiding his face in his hands.
Fernando frowned, head tilted to the side. “Why didn't you say so last night? Mark if you weren't in the mood then you should have told me”
“You don't understand,” Mark groaned, his voice muffled by his own hands.
“Then help me understand,” Fernando sighed, and it was clear to Mark he was starting to get a bit frustrated with him.
Mark took a deep breath, taking a moment before he was straightening up, turning to look at Fernando, who was looking back at him already.
“I don't want to have sex, like, ever,” Mark said, and he could see the confusion on Fernando's face alongside a bit of hurt. “Not just with you, I don't want to have sex with anyone, I just- I don't enjoy it”
“Oh,” Fernando mumbled, and Mark could see he didn't really understand. “No sex, like, at all?”
Mark shook his head, looking down at his lap where he was fidgeting with his hands. He knew what was coming now, Fernando was going to break up with him, and tell him to fuck off and never talk to him again.
“I don't understand,” Fernando said. “Why didn't you say anything sooner?”
“I was scared you would think I am weird and leave,” Mark sighed, running his hands through his hair.
“Why would I think that?”
“Because I don't like sex, Fernando!” Mark said exasperated, getting up from the bed so he could pace in front of Fernando. “Who doesn't like sex? It's ridiculous! I am supposed to enjoy it, I am supposed to want to have sex with the person I like but just thinking about it makes me want to throw up, that's not normal, I- something is clearly wrong with me, I am broken”
Mark groaned, pulling softly at his hair in frustration. He could feel the sting in his eyes that meant he was about to cry again, and he just felt pathetic. Fernando probably thought he was pathetic too. He wouldn't blame the Spaniard if he did.
“Mark, you need to breathe again,” Fernando’s soft voice said from the bed, and Mark closed his eyes, swallowing hard before he tried to take deep breaths. “That's it, good,” Fernando mumbled, getting up from the bed so he could stand in front of Mark, cupping his face with both his hands. “Look at me, Mark”
Mark let out a shaky breath, slowly opening his eyes to look down at Fernando, who was looking up at him with a small smile.
“Hey,” Fernando whispered, making Mark chuckle softly.
“Hey”
“Now I talk, si?” Fernando said softly, but his tone left no room for discussions, so Mark just nodded. “You are not broken, si? I don’t know why you would think that, Mark, but not wanting to have sex doesn't mean there's something wrong with you”
Mark wanted to protest. How could Fernando say that there was nothing wrong with him when he couldn't do something as simple and primal as sex?
“But-”
“No buts,” Fernando interrupted him, shaking his head. “There's nothing wrong with you, Mark, si?”
Mark looked into Fernando’s eyes, trying to find something that told him Fernando was lying and he was just trying to be nice, but instead he was met with the earnest look Mark had ever seen on Fernando’s face, and Mark kind of wanted to cry again.
“I- I always knew something was off,” Mark mumbled, swallowing hard as he felt himself getting choked up again. “And I tried really hard to make it feel right, but nothing ever worked, and I just- I really hate sex, mate,” He chuckled, wiping away a stray tear that was running down his cheek.
“That's fine,” Fernando reassured him, wiping away a couple of Mark’s tears himself with his thumb. “I still want to be with you, Mark”
“Why?” Mark frowned. It didn't make sense Fernando would stay with him after what he just said. “Why would you want to be with me when you know I will never want to have sex with you?”
“Because sex isn't everything,” Fernando shrugged, caressing Mark’s cheek softly. “I really like you, Mark, and yeah, not having sex will probably be hard because you're hot as hell and I am just a man,” He winked at Mark, smiling when he heard the Aussie laugh. “And I can always wank in the shower”
Mark rolled his eyes, and he pushed Fernando away, making the Spaniard laugh.
“You ruined it,” Mark huffed,the smile on his lips betraying his real feelings.
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Fernando apologized, the smirk on his face a clear sign that he was not sorry at all. “But seriously Mark, I like you, si? I don't care if we never have sex, I just want to be with you”
“You are being serious?” Mark asked, needing a bit more reassurance. “I- I would understand if you wanted to break up, it's not fair to you, you deserve someone that can give you what you want”
“You are what I want, Mark,” Fernando said, his voice soft but firm. “Sex is not important to me, it's not necessary”
Mark nodded, trying to come to terms with the fact that Fernando just wanted him and that he was fine with not having sex at all, and yeah, he was crying again.
“Why the tears now?” Fernando asked, confused, but Mark could also hear a bit of amusement in his tone, and if he wasn't feeling so emotional right now he would have punched him. “I said something wrong?”
“What? No,” Mark shook his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before he was looking at Fernando again. “I never thought I would find someone that would be fine with being with me without having sex”
“Anyone who would choose sex over you is stupid as fuck,” Fernando said as a matter of fact, making Mark laugh softly, the Aussie getting choked up in the process.
Fernando took a step closer, standing practically chest to chest with him, and Mark swallowed down the lump on his throat as Fernando cupped his cheek.
“Is this okay? I can- Can I kiss you?” Fernando asked, his eyes moving around Mark’s face as if trying to find any sign of uncomfortableness, but he didn't find any, and that made him smile.
“Yeah, kissing is fine, I- I like kissing you,” Mark whispered, and that was all Fernando needed to hear before he was pulling Mark down for a kiss, and Mark just closed his eyes, letting Fernando kiss him.
He would probably need time to fully accept that there was nothing wrong with him and that it was okay to not want sex, and he would probably need Fernando to reassure him from time to time that he wanted him and didn't mind the lack of sex, but for now, Mark was going to push all that to the back of his mind and just enjoy the feeling of Fernando’s lips on his.