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It was over.. years and years of pain all over in a second, after all this time I never thought it was possible for my story to have a happy ending , me? nothing but the scum of the earth.. I'm now free forever, no one can touch me, no one can prey their hands on my fragile bones and break them, no one can rip my hair and call me names or spit on my face. no one.
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I was always asked growing up, what would you do, if you found yourself in a position you couldn't run away from?. if you're trapped, hands against the wall, legs attached to the ground unable to move whatsoever?
as a kid I always laughed it off, As a teenager all I could think about is that, that would never happen to someone like me who would want to kidnap a guy like me? I was just a nobody. but as an adult, all I think about is that, I wish the people who asked me these questions didn't forgot to mention the worst parts about Such journey or more like such a drug induced experience.
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Hands closed around my windpipe, my eyes covered with the darkness surrounding the room, mouth gagged, unable to even twitch without permission.. every inch of my body held tight, by this beast of a man, a monster known to none but me..
at some point of my captivation my mind accepted it, it was life wasn't it?, no one knows how or where they're going to end up , whether it was becoming a successful business owner living happily ever after, getting married to a beautiful spouse and raising children that will make you prideful , or to having your body be found in a corner of the city you live in shredded apart to the point that you aren't even recognizable anymore, and that's exactly what he did.
he shredded my mind destroyed my body, manipulated my thoughts by doing all this to me and telling me he loved me and that he cared about me at the same time, saying all this was for me all out of love and adoration.
no one had ever said to me such words.
he was something else.
who is he you might ask? well the devil himself, or so I liked to call him.. as for him he liked to call himself my lover, but every time he said that I couldn't help but giggle in my head.. a lover indeed he was
if the definition of lover is someone who pierces through your skin, someone who tortures you craving your tears, craving the sound of you screaming in pain.. then yes he was a lover.
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no one ever noticed the bruises on my skin, the burn marks of overused leather around my hands and neck, purple marks all over my body from his hands and his mouth, all these marks that he like to call " marks to show everyone who I belonged to, so no one would ever approach me", and no one ever did.. maybe they were scared they would become the next victims... or maybe they simply didn't care.
but even with all the roughness .. all the hatred all the cruelty sometimes I couldn't help but think he was right.. after all I was his.. he ruined me for anyone else, or maybe I'm only thinking this way because of the mind games he consciously played, games that could confuse the mind of any man, especially a man deprived of love all his life, because at some point I believed his words more than my own.
maybe someone finally does love me, it just happens to be someone who likes to treat me like a rag doll.. but is that so bad?.
maybe I was in love with him too.
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When he finally reached his breaking point, my lover finally saved my life. he had finally freed me from him.
he pushed his dagger in a little farther than usual, so deep that he didn't just break skin, but also tissues and bones, making me howl in horror and cry in pain.
he had finally ended this misery that I called a life and saved my soul.
the blood dripped down my body, and he dug his knife in deeper into my being.
he had the most beautiful smile on his face, something I hadn't seen in ages. Something he had deprived me off by saying that my actions didn't deserve him to show me his happiness. maybe him taking my life was the best decision yet.. I had finally done something right, I made him happy, just at the cost of him taking my life away, and it was worth it..
isn't it love when you would do anything to see him smile?.
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I was free at last, free from his brutish cruel hands , and the coldness of the world.
I could feel my soul descend, and as It did so, I looked at my lover, and for a second I saw the hint of mourning in his complexion
maybe my devil really did love me as he said.
and that's when all the questions came back to my head
what if my freedom was to stay with him under his control. held in his arms and bound by his cuffs
maybe my freedom was him.
everything went back to normal after those few thoughts.. I was back into consciousness and in my body, the dagger still pierced in my skin, the smile still plastered on my lovers mouth, but this time instead of turning my face, I returned the smile, this time I was back but i was different, i finally new right from wrong.
and he?, he was my right.
I've been free all along.
and I do love him after all.