Chapter Text
The room in the hospital was all too familiar to Carla. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d last been here but she had hoped by some miracle she would not have to return, that maybe her kidney could repair itself. Instead it was now the day she had been dreading since this whole nightmare began, her stomach churned and her ears were ringing as panic threatened to spill out. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
Carla had been lucky enough to spend recent weeks at home where it held an appearance of normality but the physical presence of a hospital machine in the flat making whirring and beeps as well as that of a tube fitted in the body didn’t do much to bring Carla back to her normal life for long.
There had been brief fleeting moments where all of this was some awful dream, evenings were spent curled up with Lisa, being held so tightly it could stop the rising terror in her throat. Other times it was the moments they got lost in each other and Carla could nearly forget.
Betsy and Ryan had done their best to distract her with the local gossip in the factory or drama in the Rovers. They’d all in their own way been everything she needed. But the clock was ticking to this day of days, forever in the background, it wasn't just frustrating it was unfair, Lisa and this family had barely begun. Carla swung between crabby and depressed depending on which thought dominated the most. Right now, her thoughts were imagining an alternate life, where she and Lisa would be sending flirty texts to each other, excited for when they get home to rip each other's clothes off and polish off the wine for afters’.
“Did you hear what I said?” Lisa softly broke Carla out of her deep thoughts. “Sorry love, was it something Ryan said?” Carla shook her head as if to force the thoughts away and took Lisa’s hand, squeezing it tightly. Her body was showing the nerves her mouth could not say aloud.
“Yeah, he’s on his way, so we’re all going to be here, we’ll be right with you” Lisa was doing her best to not show Carla how scared she was but her tell was the furling of her lip. Carla had first noticed it many weeks ago, right when she was given the diagnosis she had been dreading. Carla never wanted to see that look on Lisa’s face, she never wanted to see her worried.
None of this should be happening
“Ryan said he spoke to Roy, he’s just getting cover for the cafe and he’ll be right over” Lisa could see Carla had retreated into herself, she didn't even flicker at the mention of Roy.
“I can’t believe I’ll be going in earlier than planned, I haven’t had time to think about anything” Carla picked at her bedsheet, furious that there was no control over any of what was happening. First of all her body letting her down, now an earlier operation due to a cancellation. For a person usually in charge, all of this was a living nightmare.
“Well just think, the quicker you’re in, the quicker your back fighting fit” Lisa, always so outwardly positive, so earnest, so trying her best to find ways of making a life saving operation sound like a trip to the dentist.
“Quicker? Lisa any quicker and I’m going to start to worry they’ll be whipping something else out by mistake” Lisa was just as shocked as Carla was at the sudden operation rescheduling, but the way things were with hospitals in recent years impromptu phone calls made by receptionists meant plans were thrown into chaos. Lisa shook her head, trying not to find Carla’s fierce humour endearing, at least when she was down she never lost that spark to her.
“Is Betsy on her way?” Carla asked
“She is, she’s told Sarah what was happening so she could get out of work, they shouldn’t be too long now”
“I don’t know if I want them here, I don't think I can talk to them” Carla was spiralling.“This could be my last day, I wouldn’t want them to think of me like this” Carla grabbed more of the bedsheet this time, her grip was vice like, knuckles turning white, eyes filling with tears. The terror was rising again. It could all go wrong, it would be her rotten luck that it did.
Lisa’s eyes threatened tears but she quickly pushed it back down, the words struck hard because she knew this could be a reality, it was the truth neither of them could escape. There was a good chance that this major operation might not work or worse, something could go wrong on the operating table, but that didn’t mean she wanted to let it take root in Carla’s mind. Whatever she feared, she couldn’t let Carla believe it was going to end badly. Carla had come this far, it was just a bit further to fight now and their shared future together could begin.
Lisa stood up and grabbed Carla’s hands prizing them out of the bed linen and slid next to her partner on the hospital bed.
“I’m going to tell you something” Carla was still staring at the bed sheets, she was pale, visibly frightened and vulnerable.
Lisa grabbed Carla’s face using a few fingers to move her chin slowly, she wanted to look her in the eye, give her strength, show her it was going to all be okay. Carla could almost see the steal of DS Swain protruding through her features “This isn't going to end today, I’ve got plans for me and you.”
Carla stayed still, holding Lisa’s eyes like it was the only thread of strength in her body. She asked with barely a whisper “oh aye, what plans?”
“Well, when you come out of here all fit and well I expect so much alone time with you there may be people questioning if you’ve gone missing”
Lisa never showed her playful side to others, her guard was so high, the walls were thick, but this was her Lisa and she got a front row seat to every part of her. Carla managed a scoff, she had to admit if there had been any thoughts of after the operation, that had been her plan too.
“I’m being serious, I could be risking my job” Lisa continued “I mean, my plans begin with at least several days in bed, for rest purposes obviously”
“Oh ‘rest’ of course”
“Well, we know how important that is to a recovery” Lisa wasn't even pretending to be anything other than suggestive at this point. They both knew what they were talking about and that intimacy or lack of had weighed heavily on them. They had both wanted to but Carla couldn’t muster up the energy to feel good enough to forget about a tube being attached and as soon as she remembered it was there, the mood had gone and Carla made her excuses. It made Carla feel unattractive and unsexy despite everything Lisa said, she knew they couldn't achieve the same level of intimacy and she never wanted it to be anything other than perfect.
Lisa shifted a little in the bed and started stroking Carla's hair, pulling her into her body, kissing Carla’s head, holding her tightly. “Seriously though, my plans go further than our bed when you get out of here.”
Carla leaned into Lisa for a moment and moved back out to face her “Okay, go on”
“Okay, well for starters” Lisa steadied herself, this felt like a big declaration, but everything had been big so far so, she thought, to hell with it.
“We have to think about where we’re all going to live, i mean, i'm used to no frills but i cant keep packing and unpacking bags, switching between houses Carla. I want us to live together” Lisa hurried it out of her mouth, but she continued, “and this bathroom situation with Ryan and Betsy is a nightmare. I can't start every day with a war”. The bathroom was an actual pain, Ryan spent far too long in the shower and Betsy had walked in by mistake a few times, both Carla and Lisa were woken to screams of terror and doors slamming.
Carla’s face showed its first true smile in the memory of that morning, they both decided they weren't going to deal with it and chose to roll into each other laughing.
“And I know we’re all about our jobs, but this year I definitely think a holiday should be on the cards, so if you’d like to get thinking about where we’re going, I’d like you to take charge of that”
Carla yearned for the sun on her face, she looked away dreamily, her and Lisa on holiday “Somewhere hot, with a glass of wine overlooking the sea”.
“Maybe not wine, but..”
Carla cut her off “Let a woman have a dream will you”
Lisa laughed at the scolding, “I’m being serious about all of this. I want us to get a house together, all of us. Let's start the new year again. All of this just makes it clearer in my mind, why wait a minute longer? I can’t spend a night separated from you anymore, I don’t want to face waking up where I can't feel your body next to mine, what are we waiting for? I want to be in your arms every morning and every night. So you’ve got to get back to me today, we have a house to buy and a holiday to book and no other option is available to you I’m afraid”.
Carla leaned forward and breathed deeply into Lisa’s chest, it was a clear picture of their happy life together. One with a house, evenings in the pub as a family, booking holidays, wine on the beach (Lisa permitting) and watching Betsy grow and mature into an adult who knocks on bathroom doors before entering.
A year ago if her kidney had failed, she was sure she’d have succumbed to the misery of the situation, the fear would have eaten her alive. She could never have dreamt the vision Lisa just offered her. Her new life was just through those theatre doors and out the other side.
Lisa broke her out of her haze “You’re leaving me hanging here, what do you say?”
Carla pulled her head away from Lisa's body, she was only inches away from her face, but she was smiling. “It’s all I can think about and it’s all I will be thinking about”.
At that moment the door to her hospital room opened and a theatre nurse appeared.
“Miss Connor, we’re ready to take you down now”.
Carla looked at Lisa and took in a big breath.
She saw Lisa’s hand start to tremble and Carla grabbed hold of her with both hands tightly before kissing them “I promise you, I’ll come back to you”.
Lisa couldn’t keep herself in check any longer, her body started shaking and her eyes started filling. The porters entered the room and walked around the side of the bed forcing Lisa to move ever so slightly away while they flicked the wheel locks on the bed so Carla could be transported to the theatre.
Lisa was in full blown panic, white noise filled her ears, it was happening too quickly she hadn’t managed to say everything she wanted to say, in a last ditch attempt Lisa grabbed the hospital bed and stopped it before it went any further.
Tears were fully running down her cheeks, she took Carla’s head in her hands and lent forward with a desperate, pleading kiss.
“I love you, come back to me”
“I love you, I’m not going anywhere, I promise”