Chapter Text
She knew she could never match up to the picture of the man that sat amongst the shrine on her desk, Olivia’s old partner, the man she was sure Olivia still carried a flame for. Amanda watched as Olivia sipped cold coffee from the same cup she drank from everyday. “I’m gettin’ myself a fresh cup, want one?” She asked as she got up from her desk.
Olivia didn’t look up from what she was working on. “No thanks,” she answered gruffly as she scribbled down notes and added them to the mountain of paperwork that was slowly starting to take over her desk.
Amanda rolled her eyes as she walked away, she had been so relieved to leave Atlanta. A fresh start. She felt like she could breathe again, especially when she was partnered up with a woman for a change. The only problem was that the other woman wanted nothing to do with her. She had been there for months now and the act that Olivia was putting on was starting to grate on her. It had gotten slightly better since she had arrived, Olivia could now form a sentence instead of just saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or ‘that’s not how it works here’. Not that Amanda hadn’t tried to form some kind of friendship with her but Olivia shot everything down. Every offer of a drink after work was denied.
She wandered back through the precinct with her cup of lousy coffee, smiling and greeting the other members of staff as she passed by. Amaro and Fin had hit it off, Munch had made the effort with her. She knew Olivia had a reputation for being a great detective and everyone around her said she was nice. So what was the problem? Was it her? Amanda sat back down, pulling herself towards her desk, Jumping slightly when Olivia sighed and shot out of her chair making her way out of the squad room.
She hated to admit that as hard as she had tried to, she couldn’t force herself to hate Olivia Benson. Naturally, she had researched the people she was going to be working with before she started in Manhattan. Everything she had found out about Olivia made her want to learn more, she was excited to be in the presence of someone who had such a formidable career already. That feeling only escalated when she saw the brunette in person for the first time, her dark eyes, olive skin, and beautiful smile shining and lifting the spirit of the dour and harsh squad room. Her breath had caught in her throat when she had held out her hand for Olivia to shake, feeling like a teenage girl with a school crush.
Amanda sat in a haze of her own thoughts, twiddling with the pen in her hands when Olivia appeared at her side, coughing to get her attention “Rollins?” she asked as leant against her partner's desk.
“Hmm?” Amanda’s head spun round, suddenly aware of how close she was to Olivia, the intoxicating scent of vanilla wafting towards her. “What’s up?”
“I asked if you had a tampon?”
“A tampon?” Amanda asked, caught off guard.
Olivia let out a small laugh, Amanda liked that laugh, not that she heard it very often, “Yeah, a tampon. You know what they are right? I could ask Fin but I don’t think he’d be much help,” she said sarcastically.
Amanda picked her purse up off the floor, “I don’t use tampons anymore but I do have a pad, if that’s okay?” she asked as she pulled it out and held it out to her.
Olivia smiled at her, “Thanks, that’s great,” taking it and walking back out of the squad room.
So, she is human Amanda thought to herself and she watched her leave.
“Where’s Liv?” Cragen asked as he strolled out of his office towards her desk.
“She’s just usin’ the bathroom.” she answered as she sat up straight.
Cragen passed her a slip of paper “Okay, when she gets back you’re needed down at Mercy Hospital.”
***
Amanda admired the way Olivia could communicate with victims, she was a completely different person. Maybe this is what she was like before he left, she thought to herself as she glanced across to the senior detective, whose hand gripped the wheel as the other arm rested against the window. Amanda turned her face back towards the road before she made it obvious that she was looking.
“So, do you like New york so far?” Olivia suddenly asked. Amanda was shocked. Usually their car rides occurred in silence, apart from the occasional comment about a song on the radio or to point out one of the odd personalities that graced the streets of New York City. It was January, she had moved from Atlanta six months ago and Olivia thought she would ask her this now?
“Erm, yeah. It’s very different from Atlanta,” Amanda answered with a polite smile. “The food is better here,” she added as she looked out the window.
“Yeah, there’s no other place like it,” Olivia said as she took in a deep breath, the air in the car felt awkward. It’s not that she didn’t like Amanda, she was a good detective but she was struggling with the change. Not that she would admit that to anyone. She had asked to be partnered up with Fin when Elliot left but that request was met with an immediate ‘no’ from Cragen. The Captain had said that change was a good thing and that this was a good step because she was ‘too comfortable’. She didn’t agree. It took her a while to get used to the other woman’s southern twang and the constant stray blonde hairs she would find on her jacket when she got home.
They were on their way back to the precinct from the hospital. Olivia stopped the car outside of a store not far from the precinct. “I’m just gonna run in and grab some tampons and then I’m gonna get us some real coffee, how do you take it?” she asked, noticing the look of shock in the younger woman's eyes. Surely I haven’t been that bad, have I? Olivia thought as she waited for a response.
“Oh, erm. Just black, please.”
Olivia smiled, “Ah, a girl after my own heart.” she said before closing the door and making her way through the crowds of people.
Amanda’s stomach fluttered as she watched Olivia walk away. “God, what is wrong with me?” she said out loud, laying her head back on the headrest. “She hates you, you moron,” she chastised herself. She blew out a breath as she reached for her cell phone, checking it for any new messages, trying to distract her mind from focusing on the fact that they take their coffee the same way, as if it was some sort of sign and not a total coincidence. She opened up the only message she had received and threw it to the bottom of her purse when she read who it was from, one of her old colleagues asking how she was finding it on the east coast. Like they care , she thought as she bit her lip, her hands rubbing up and down her thighs. She wanted nothing to do with anyone from her old life, especially the pathetic excuses for police officers she once worked with and thought she could trust. She jumped when she suddenly felt the car door being pulled open.
She threw the bag behind her onto the seats in the back. “Are you okay?” Olivia asked as she passed Amanda the large cup of coffee, noticing the blank stare she was getting as she climbed into the drivers side.
“Oh yeah, I’m all good,” she lied, brushing off Olivia, who squinted her eyes in response. Amanda knew she wasn’t stupid. She was a detective after all. Amanda gave her an over zealous smile hoping it would do the trick. Olivia frowned but didn’t question her any further. “Did you get what you needed?” she asked, trying to change the topic. Feeling it appropriate to take the leap into new territory since Olivia had been more chatty than usual.
Olivia got them back on the road “Yep, all good,” she said, keeping her answers short and sweet. She could see Amanda’s shoulders slump from the corner of her eye as she gave her answer, or lack of one. Olivia knew Amanda was trying to make the effort with her, she could see it everyday. The personal questions from the younger detective had decreased over the months since Olivia hardly gave the other woman a good answer. As a result they were stuck in limbo, not hell but not heaven either. They worked well together, there was no denying it but that’s where their partnership ended. Olivia didn’t know anything about this woman, only that she came from Georgia and had a degree in forensic science. Her lack of knowledge about her partner made for awkward car journeys since she didn’t know what to talk about. “Do you have anyone in Atlanta that you’re missing?”
Amanda cringed inwardly at the question “Nope, definitely not.” she shot back as she focused on the people outside.
“Okay then,” Maybe it was going to stay awkward, Olivia thought.