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It was the middle of the night, Stolas stood on the balcony of the small one-bedroom apartment he been staying in for months now. He leaned over the railing cigarette burning in his hand as he stared upward. Behind him, inside, fast sleep on the couch was Blitz, naked under the horseshoe print blanket. He dropped his head into his hand. How had he let this happen?
This wasn’t right. This was just as bad at the deal over the grimoire. Worse maybe. At least then Blitz had known why and had agreed to it. After all he’d done to free them from such an arrangement.
Stolas now felt even more guilt. He was using Blitz again. Using him to feel something more than the pain in his chest, for a distraction, for anything that kept him from thinking about Octavia.
He rubbed his forehead, sinking lower against the rail. He thought back, trying to remember, when it had started... It had been Sinsmas, if he thought hard enough. His thoughts wondered back to that day. A day, that had been a rollercoaster of emotions. Guilt, anger, joy, pride, sorrow, depression...
After hugging Stolas for a long few minutes, Blitz had returned to their little party to play board games with Loona and her friends. Stolas had remained outside lamenting about his decisions and what they had cost him. When he couldn’t bear his own thoughts anymore, he went back inside as well. He didn’t participate in their festivities but at least the music and voices helped drown out his own thoughts. He was only vaguely aware of what was happening around him. Blitz won the games as far as he remembered. At some point the imp had ended up on his lap again. Everything around him was a haze. He wasn’t really sure what had all happened. Eventually, Millie and Moxie had left, something still weighing heavily on the female imp but he couldn’t recall if she’d said anything. Loona and her friends had disappeared into her room. Then it was just him and Blitz on the couch, as it had been night after night since the trial.
Stolas sighed heavily, slumping on the couch. The little body curled on his lap shifted, sitting up a little straighter so the yellow eyes could look up at him. Blitz didn’t say anything just looked at him, before resting his head against his chest. Stolas just stared off blankly his mind beginning to race once more.
For quite a while, sitting there, his thoughts were chaotic and the grief nearly overwhelmed once more. Then unconsciously, his thoughts had turned away from Octavia and to someone else he cared about. How this person had, just hours ago, decided to stay out on the balcony with him even though those inside had wanted him back. Stayed with him not because Stolas had wanted him to, but because he had chosen for himself to do it. That that same person, had risked his life for him and how happy that had made him. So happy, his only response was to kiss him.
Stolas didn’t know when it happened, but while lost in his own thoughts, his arms had come up and wrapped around the little imp and must have roused him from a light sleep because he made a startled noise and his horns bumped against his beak as he moved.
“Stols?” a quiet voice called to him.
The owl looked down, surprised for a moment to find him there. “I’m sorry, Blitz. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
Blitz stretched. “No, it’s alright. You need something?”
Stolas shook his head. He could smell the faint hint of alcohol on the imp’s breath. “I’m fine...” He repeated his earlier statement. Blitz responded with a sound of agreement, not pushing for a better answer because he knew how fucked the day had turned out.
Blitz nestled back against him, this time entwining his arm around him as well.
Not long after, Stolas leaned to the side and sank down onto the couch, his head falling on one arm and he brought his legs up, setting them up on the other end. Blitz was tucked up against him, moving with him as he fell over. The little man straightened out his legs.
That was when it happened, he was certain by accident. But whilst they were adjusting to a more comfortable position Blitz buried his head into a spot on his neck and Stolas felt a small shiver run through him.
The imp was perspective, after all they were intimately familiar with each other’s bodies, and drew back immediately. “Shit. I didn’t mean...” He didn’t get the chance to finish as the long leg moved between his and rubbed against him. “Stols...?” The yellow eyes were bewildered and the tiny body was frozen.
Stolas didn't say anything, afraid that if he did, he’d come back to his senses and stop this. And he needed this, needed to feel something, needed to have the day driven from his mind, if only temporarily. Instead, he pulled Blitz to him, finding his lips in the festive lights still strung around the room. He was desperate, and his kiss was filled with need and hunger. His lips parted before Blitz even had a chance to react. Their breathes mingled and a tongue dipped into his mouth, it swirled around quickly, tasting his mouth and then suddenly it was gone.
Stolas felt something else replace the sorrow and confusion, and need he felt.
Panic.
Blitz was going to reject him. Sex had been what had started this, and Blitz had rejected his feelings before. Now he was willing to, without any feelings, and the imp was still going to turn him down. He chocked and his eyes went up, scared of what he’d find on that red face.
But Blitz wasn’t looking at him. He was sitting up looking over the back of the couch at the closed door with the keep out signs on it. “Loona’s home...” He said softly.
“Blitz...” Stolas pleaded. The golden eyes lowered back to him. Stolas stared up at him, his breath caught in his throat. Seeing the look, not of anger, not of dismissal, but something else. Something he didn't recognize in them. Then a clawed hand was against his cheek. “Please...?” Stolas whimpered softly. He needed this, he needed to not feel...
Blitz looked back up at the door and down again, a few times. Then he smiled devilishly. “She sleeps pretty sound after drinking...” He leaned back down, pressing their foreheads together. “Try to keep quiet, birdie.”
The breath came out in a rush. The avian demon enfolded his arm around the body above him, dragging it down closer. The lips were returned to his with more vigor than before. He brought his leg up again, running it between Blitz’s, hard and more determined this time.
Blitz broke the kiss again, but this time his head dipped down, peppering the feathered neck with kisses. The deft hands slid down the trim sides of his frame and tugged up the bottom of his shirt. They then wormed under the shirt, sinking into the soft feathers on his chest. “Stolas... are you sur-”
“Don’t.” Stolas whispered. He didn’t want to talk. Not now. If they talked, he’d lose his nerve to continue and be left with his thoughts all night, and he did not want that. “No talking...” A chuckled rolled up from below him as the claws scratched down his chest. He couldn’t help the strangled moan that burst out of him as he tried to keep quiet and he arched his back into the attention.
“That’s my line.”
“Shh...” Stolas brought his hand up and cupped Blitz’s chin, lifting him up to look at him. “No talking.” he said firmly. The imp gulped and nodded. A smile crept up and he moved forward. He licked the beak in front of him and it opened again allowing his tongue inside.
Red eyes remained open, staring up at the ceiling, noticing the stains. His mind started to drift, into the sea of his dismal thoughts. He squeezed them close and grabbed a handful of Blitz’s shirt. He yanked at it, eager to get it off him, to feel that naked body against his. They parted long enough for him to rip it up over his head and drop it to the floor.
After Stolas had removed his shirt, Blitz pushed Stolas’ up. The owl didn’t need any words from him to sit up and lift his arms and it soon joined the one on the floor. Aggressive lips left his, moving down his neck, then a face burrowed into his chest. The bird’s feather’s ruffled and he hooted softly. He squirmed under the imp, pushing harder against him, trying to get through to him how much more he needed.
Blitz got the hint, but he didn’t give the owl exactly what he wanted. Not yet. He slid one hand down the lithe form under him. He expertly pushed the legs open and found the small wet spot between them. A claw pushed against it, making small circles over it through the fabric.
Stolas’ beak bit down on his lip to keep quiet. Blitz was allowing him this moment, he would do his best to respect him not wanting them to wake Loona. Though if he was to think about it, the hellhound would probably know the moment she awoke from the smell. He wasn’t about to think it right now.
He was more focused on the hand, making him crazy, making the wet spot bigger. But it still wasn’t giving him what he wanted. He panted and lifted the imp from his leg, and his talons skimmed over the waistband of the little man, he raised one and scratched it over the abdomen that seemed a little less defined than before, then tapped it impatiently.
Yellow eyes moved up to the pale feathered face. A look passed between them and Blitz understood. The small form leaned up, straddling the body under him, allowing the talons to the undo his pants. They were quickly dispatched. Red eyes raked over the body that had brought him so much pleasure. Had awakened something in him, he’d never felt before. That was exactly what he needed now.
As soon as his pants had vanished, Blitz made quick work of removing Stolas’ and they were both left naked with each other.
One taloned hand stroked its way down, brushing over the red cock that was bare before him. The other reached for the face above and pulled it down, bending up to meet it. His hand closed around the erection as he forced their mouths together once again. He felt he needed to control this, and even without words, his intentions were clear to his partner.
Whilst continuing to invade Blitz’s mouth, Stolas adjusted their positions, proving how flexible he could be as he guided the red cock toward his cloaca. He let go, allowing Blitz to take over from there, and his moan was lost in their kiss as Blitz slid into him.
The two bodies rocked back. A feathered back, being pressed down into the cushions, the black imp hooves stood up on the couch. The thrusts were slow at first almost timid, nothing like the pounding of previous times. Perhaps it had been because Blitz hadn’t been prepared for this like he used to be for the full moons. It didn’t really matter why. What mattered was the feeling. To have that cock inside him, for their bodies to begin to move together. To have any other thought driven from his mind, everything except Blitz.
The kiss broke as Blitz adjusted for more leverage. His long legs were lifted up and bent down to his chest. Stolas found himself reaching out to grasp the horns. He wanted more. He tried to pull the imp closer against, but he wouldn’t have it. His pace did quicken, however. Without Blitz’s tongue in his mouth, he found it himself having to bite his tongue and still the moans escaped him as the thin hips began to strike harder against him.
He couldn’t last long like this, it had been too long.
He strained himself, sitting up slightly to move his arms around Blitz. “Darling...” He found himself panting softly. He began to twitch, he was close. Blitz leaned harder into catching his beak with his lips once more. A few more deep drives inside him and Stolas, clutches at the imp, pulling him close. Even with the lips against his, the gasp escapes into the air as he spasms and squeezes around the cock inside him. Blitz is only seconds behind him, reaching his own peak deep within him.
It had been strange, this vanilla position as Blitz referred to it later. Being folded up on his back kissing, was vastly different than being on all fours, or tied up, or blindfolded, using toys or whatever other kinks the imp decided to try with him, Blitz behind him or barely close enough to touch if they were facing each other.
He found though that he enjoyed it. After rocking with him, riding out the euphoric waves, together Blitz collapsed onto his chest. He burrowed into the feathers there, clinging almost, and purred, loudly, louder than he’d ever heard from the imp before.
Stolas’ arms slipped off him out of habit, fully anticipating Blitz to slink off away from him, perhaps to the bean bag in the corner. They’d never really done the cuddling thing afterward before. Not that he hadn’t tried a few times, but Blitz always pushed it off, or escaped as quickly as he could. And while the circumstances had changed, they’d fallen asleep together on the tiny couch several times now, this didn’t seem like the time to force the issue.
But Blitz didn’t move, contently buried against him, a light grip on his feathers. One eye opened to peek out at him.
“You broke the rules...” Stolas hooted in confusion and Blitz grinned a little. “No talking, remember... ”
He chirped back. He brought his hand up and trailed it over one of the horns. “I suppose I did.”
There was no retort about a punishment next time, not even a mention of next time. Blitz simply continued to lay there, purring. Stolas closed his eyes, his hand slid down the neck on his chest and settled on Blitz back. He could feel it rumbling, feel their mixed fluids seeping from him, leaking down onto the worn couch.
Then there was movement and he sighed, as he waited for Blitz to go, so he could roll over and go to sleep. The weight on him only shifted a little, it didn’t disappear. The blanket was retrieved from the end of the couch, and then the little man was back against him, draping it over them.
“Goodnight, birdie.”
“Sleep well Blitz...”
He had fallen asleep after that. Assuming that this was only going to be a onetime thing.
Stolas sighed heavily as the memory lingered in his mind. He brought both hands up to cover his face. And that had ended up only being the first time. It happened more and more frequently over the next few weeks. Any time his thoughts became too much to bear, he began to turn to the imp for a distraction, although they did become more careful not to start anything while Loona was home. Blitz had insisted on that and Stolas had agreed.
One time, Blitz had taken him to earth saying it was so he could see the stars. They had ended up in some mansion, filled with nice things. Blitz had assured him no one was home. It had made him feel homesick and yet being around such wealth did make him feel slightly at ease. They wondered into a bedroom and Blitz suggested they stay the night. Said something like “Birdie deserves something better than a shitty couch for a night.” It had made him chuckle a little. They’d laid together, Blitz had let him rest against his chest, and it was comforting. A soft mattress under him, warm sheets, the slim imp next to him. But it was also too much and too familiar, he’d started crying. He didn’t know how long he had; he remembered the arms never let go while he did. He’d fallen asleep and once he awoke, he’d wanted something more.
Well...
That had been interrupted by screams that weren’t theirs and they were gathering their clothes and running before he really knew what was going on.
There had even been a few times in the office. Stolas had gone with them on a mission, much to Loona’s annoyance at being left behind instead. While he had accidently killed the target himself, something about it had thrilled him in a way he’d never known before. And the way Blitz had looked at him when it happened, like he was the sexiest thing the imp had ever seen. It had been hard to contain himself long enough to find an excuse to join Blitz in his office and he was sure the others heard everything.
This still wasn’t what he had wanted though.
The sound of the sliding door opening behind him, broke him out of his reverie and his head spun around to find Blitz stepping out in his boxers. “Stolas?” He rubbed his eyes. “What are you doing out here?”
“Oh... I was... thinking. That’s all”
Oh no... Blitz thought to himself. “Do you want to be alone?”
“No. It’s alright.”
Blitz walked up beside him and rested his back against the railing. He had been about to say something when Stolas suddenly blurted out. “I’m sorry, Blitz.”
Blitz bristled and his head shot up to look at him. “What there, birdie?” He reached up and swung himself up onto the railing, sitting down next to Stolas. “What is this about? I’ve told you; you can stay here as lon-”
“It’s not that.” Stolas sighed. “I do appreciate that, so very much. No, I’m sorry I’ve been using you...”
Blitz still didn’t understand, a quizzical look on his face. “Okay, birdbrain, what the actual fuck are you talking about?”
“I’ve been using you.” Stolas sobbed, dropping his face back into his hands. Blitz’s eyes just stared widely at him, waiting for him to continue. “The sex, Blitz. I’ve been using sex and you to keep from thinking about...” He trailed off, unable to finish the thought.
Blitz merely shrugged. “I know.”
“You-You know?! How could you know...?”
A strangled laughed answered him. One hoof lifted up to the railing and the knee sat against a red chest. “I know what it’s like to use sex to escape from things you don’t want to think about... Lucifer knows I’ve done it a long time... I might as well have invented the concept. It’s not a big deal, Stolas. I get it.”
“Not a big deal...” Stolas repeated, his voice cracking a little. “It’s not what I wanted.”
“Pretty sure, none of this shit, is how you imagined it would go.”
“No. But Blitz... Our arrangement... The grimoire, for sex... I wanted to free us from that. I didn’t want it to be an obligation... This is the same, worse maybe...”
“It’s not the same, Stolas.”
“How can you say that?! How is this any different than what I was doing before?”
“Hey, featherbrain, I said it’s not the same. It’s not the fucking same. You don’t have anything to lord over me. Stop your yammering about it.”
“Then why Blitz? Why indulge me? You have no reason to respond to any of my advances. Why?”
“I said stop Stolas. There’s no reason to get into this. You don’t have to feel guilty we’ve been fucking.”
“I want to understand Blitz. Please... tell me...” Stolas begged, looking over at him. Then a thought occurred to him, one he didn’t want to put to words but he had to know. “Has it changed... Is it your payment for le-”
“Fucking Satan! if you finish that sentence, Stolas...” The yellow eyes narrowed with anger. “Do you really think I’d do something that fucking shitty? With everything that’s happened... Even if I did, that I wouldn’t tell you that’s what it was first! And for fucks sake, if that was the reason, you better believe your feathered ass would be paying every day, not just when you needed it.” The last line he said mostly as a jest, and he laughed a little at it. Stolas wasn’t laughing though. “Look, it’s not like any of that. You don’t owe me, it’s not payment... It’s just...”
“What Blitz? Please tell me.”
“I... I like it.” Blitz muttered something else after that, but it was lost in mumble, and the bird didn’t hear it.
Stolas didn’t understand exactly what he meant by that. “Well, I’m sure you could find others to fuck if that’s the case. You don’t have to do it with me.”
“With you! Birdbrain!” Blitz snapped. “I like having sex with you.”
Stolas slumped a little. “Oh...” He didn’t know why, but that didn’t make him feel better. “Right... of course that’s why...”
Blitz looked sideways at him. For some reason he had thought that would make the bird feel better but somehow it had caused the opposite.
“You know, you’re right. I could go out and fuck someone, if that’s what I wanted. It’s not... Why would I want that when you’re here?”
“Right. Glad my banishment and depression are so convenient for you.” He fired back venomously.
“You’re taking this the wrong way.”
“How am I supposed to take it? With me here, you don't need to go out and look for it. And you can take advantage of my misery.”
“Stols. Not what I'm getting at. For fucks sake. I don’t want to with anyone else. I want to with you. And it’s not because you’re miserable. If I recall, I haven’t forced myself on you, this has all been started by you. It’s because it’s you. If you don’t want it to be with me, you can go find someone else. Just don’t fucking bring them here.” He rubbed his forehead. “Maybe while doing all that thinking of yours, you think about how things are different.” He jumped down and headed inside. “Don’t stay out here too long. You can still get cold.”
Stolas’ head creeped around to watch him go. At least now, he didn’t feel guilty. He felt angry. Blitz was only enjoying it as a benefit to him being there. If he wasn’t there, he’d probably be out with anyone he could find.
He stayed out there for a while more, brooding. His thoughts racing, but everything was clouded in anger and he gave up thinking about it.
Finally, he went back inside, walking the few steps over to the couch. His eyes drifted over to the corner, perhaps he should sleep somewhere else. Then his head turned back and he stared down at the imp, curled up into himself. Briefly he thought about moving Blitz, throwing him into the bean bag. Then he entertained the idea of pushing him off onto the floor.
He did neither.
Stolas sat down on the edge of the couch, looking around. Think about how things are different... He repeated the words to himself. There were the very obvious things that were different. Somehow, he didn’t think those were the things Blitz was referring to.
He sighed and picked up the blanket, dropping down beside him. As he laid down, he curled himself around the small form, draping the blanket around the both of them.
“Blitz...”
The small imp shook against him, but he didn’t pull away and Stolas put his arm around him. That was something that was very different, if he’d tried during the full moons, he was shrugged off. “Tell me, Blitz.” A marred hand came up and laced through his.
“Stolas... It’s not the sex... it’s you... Even if it’s just you next to me...We don’t have to do anything...” He clutched their hands and brought them up to his face. “I didn’t think you’d ever want... Me... again... And if it was just so you could feel something... other than... His eyes squeezed close. “It didn’t matter... ‘Cause I could too...”
“Blitz...”
“I don’t want it with anyone else... It’s not just because you’re here... It’s because you’re who I want.”
The anger he’d felt melted away and Stolas felt something in him swell. It wasn’t quite the declaration he’d hoped for, but it was an admittance of something. He drew him closer, squeezing him close. He was surprised when the imp rolled over in his arms, throwing one leg around him as he nested into the feathers at his neck.
Another difference.
Stolas ran his fingers over the spikes and then rubbed down his back. “You are right, Blitz. So much has changed.” Stolas hugged him closer. “More than I had realized. I’m sorry, Blitz.
“Go to sleep. I don’t want to talk about this...”
“But we sho-”
“There’s a lot we should.” Blitz interrupted. “But not now.” His leg tightened around his waist. “I’m trying to sleep.”
Stolas rubbed against his horns. “Please, Blitz...”
“Ugh...” Blitz blinked his eyes opened. “Fine... Can’t sleep anyway.” He propped his head up with one hand while the other lightly laid on the plumage he’d just vacated. “What do you wanna talk about?”
Stolas was suddenly afraid to say anything. “I still have feelings for you... But I miss Via so much... more every day... I don’t...” He closed his eyes and could feel the tears coming. “Is it really not the same this way...”
“Dammit Stols.” Blitz exclaimed. Then gentle lips touched his cheek and a hand was carding through his head feathers. He couldn’t describe how much he loved that. “I already told you it’s not.”
“Yes. But is it okay... this way?”
The fingers stroked through his feathers again. “It’s different Stolas. It’s not fucking to get something. And it’s not a fucking payment. If it’s okay or not... I’m not the best person to ask...” Blitz looked away. “It is what it is... and if you want it to stop, it’s fine. I don’t like you hurting and if I can help stop it for a moment... I’ll do it. Whatever it is...
“I’m here if you need me... Is what I’m getting at...” Blitz set his head against his.
Stolas felt tears falling for a whole different reason. “What about you...? This isn’t fair-”
Blitz moved his head and stopped whatever he was going to say with a kiss. “I-I have feelings... too. I like... Shit... I’m not good at this...” He was shaking and Stolas hugged him closer, but stayed quiet letting him take his time. Blitz smiled a little. “I like this... I didn’t want to push you with...”
“Blitz. You can say it.” A feathered hand stroked over his back.
The imp moved down and hid his face in his face in the soft feathered neck. “Ilikeyou.” he muttered into them in a rush and the owl hooted, almost gleefully, though he pretended he didn’t hear.
“What was that?” Stolas teased.
“No fucking way. If you didn’t hear it the first time, tough tits to you.” Blitz trembled against him, and shook his head against his feathers. He’d barely gotten it out the first time, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to a second time. There was no way he’d be able to say the big ‘L’ word, even though he knew deep down, really, really deep down, that was the one he wanted to use. He was convinced if he did say that, Stolas would break into pieces and he wasn’t prepared for that yet.
“You, birdie... You talk now.” Blitz stuttered into his chest.
“Me?” Stolas stared up at the ceiling, recounting the tiles once again. A long arm moved up and fell dramatically over his eyes, and he took a slow breath. “I... It... I... Things have changed so much... in ways I had not anticipated. I had imagined an entirely different outcome before... I had fantasied...” He groaned, wiping his arm across his face. “I do like this as well. All these changes... Ones I so desperately wanted and ones that I hadn’t even considered.”
The face lifted from the plumage, hanging on every word, eager to know what the bird was thinking. His arms tightened around the waist, and the thin tail snaked around the skinny thigh.
“I-I care so deeply for you... But... Every step I took toward you, drove Octavia away... I used our past to drown out how I broken up I feel... I feel so guilty and ashamed over it...”
Blitz turned his head to lay back against him, suddenly feeling a wave of sadness, looking off toward the window instead. To his shock the arms came up around him.
“I do enjoy it too. Being close to you, however it is... even like this...” A hollow tweet escaped him.
They both went quiet. Stolas lost in his whirlpool of thoughts and Blitz trying to think of something witty to say to cheer him up.
“You know Stols,” The tail unwound from around the leg and the tip trailed up, skirting dangerously close to his cloaca, and brushing along his inner thigh. A spot Blitz knew was incredibly sensitive, if he touched it right. The way the feathers bloomed as he did, told him he had and he smirked. “I’m pretty sure at least one time had nothing to do with wanting me to fuck all thought from that head of yours.” He could feel the heartbeat skip and then quicken.
Stolas’ pale face feathers reddened, and he timidly giggled. “Whatever are...”
“You know what day I mean. You were so fucking hot. Barely managed to get the office door closed before you had me up against it.” The flurry of embarrassed but excited owl chirps that answered made him chuckle. There were so many things he could do or say at that moment, to distract Stolas. Where he could touch him to arouse him further. And he thought of all of them.
Instead, though, he forced himself away from the thoughts he normally went straight to, and listened to some part of himself that was quieter than all the lusty thoughts. A part he’d never paid attention to before.
“Whatever this is... Or will be... Whatever happens... We can figure it all out... Together.” He said the last word softly and dared to look up at the red eyes.
Stolas nodded. “I would like that.”
The horned head dropped back onto soft feathers. “No more worry about fucking anymore though. We do it, we do it, we don’t, we don’t. And the reason for it don’t matter either.”
“Of course, Blitz.”
“Now... since you kept me awake with all this talk, should we find something else to do?” He grinned, his tongue flicking out over him and the tail swished against the slim waist.”
There was that blush again. Just the reaction he had wanted. “There’s my pretty birdie.”
Stolas shrank back a little, or as much as he could in their close proximity. “Oh Blitzy-Blitz! I’m sorry...”
“You can say it Stols. I kinda miss it.” He turned a little pink himself.”
“My Blitzy...” Stolas whispered softly and reached to bring the flustered imp to him.