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"I mean I just don't get it," Wayne says. "I know I'm out of the loop, I’ll be the first to admit that, I'm kinda perpetually swamped. But what's up with this, this bathroom bill stuff?"
"Oh, lord," Roxanne mumbles into her coffee cup.
They are sitting around the kitchen table in Evil Lair after brunch. Minion is bustling around as he always does after meals, refusing to let the dishes sit. At this point, Roxanne knows better than to try and get him to relax. He can visit just as easily while cleaning.
Wayne is still talking. "I don't…it just sounds like people are getting all up in arms about something that's just not real. Like, if someone's gonna hide in a bathroom to be a sex pest, it's not like they've ever needed to play dress-up to do it. People don't use restrooms that don't match. They just don't. If somebody's in a restroom to use it, it's 'cause it matches. One way or another."
"Well that's the debate, isn't it," Megamind says. "How do you define ‘match.’ Some people—"
"Bigots," Roxanne says flatly, because Wayne is not always the best at knowing which team to root for and she is not above flat-out telling him.
"—think it's a fetish, they think it's a sickness. They won't listen and they won't leave people alone. Being transgender is just another way to exist as a person. There's LOTS of ways to exist as a person."
"Okay, yeah, so add the bathroom hullabaloo to the list of busybody nonsense," Wayne says, "but that's another thing. That's another thing I don't get. Transgender? What’s…and I tried googling it, and I got confused, and so I'm here asking you guys, because I thought," he says, "I always thought some people are just different. You know? You know, it's, it's like…some women have more hair than others, and some men have none, and THAT'S fine, and then also some people’s, like, bits are ambiguous or they've got, y’know, kinda both. And that's also fine, right? Like, like you," nodding at Megamind, "you've kinda got both, a little. Yours retracts."
"In humans, that's called being intersex," Roxanne says. "Some intersex people are trans, some aren't. But being intersex is different, that's a physical thing."
"Is transgendering not physical?"
He sounds completely baffled. Just totally bewildered.
So Roxanne sighs and does her best to explain, with Megamind chiming in here and there, and Minion quietly tidying the kitchen around them. She explains about dysphoria, and ways to address it socially, and options for gender-affirming care in the form of hormone treatments and surgeries. She explains that some people know they're transgender even as children, while other people realize as adults. She also tries to explain that she is perhaps not the best person to ask about all this, because all she can do is give a cisgender and perisex perspective (both of which terms require additional explanation). Megamind is definitely closer to transgender than she is, as well as basically intersex by human standards. But his experiences are still skewed by the fact that he is an alien.
"I probably am some kind of trans," Megamind says with a kind of awkward shrug, "technically speaking. I'm not like you; I wasn't raised human. And I remember home, so…alien gender, probably. But male is close enough, and standing up as a public face of a group that is already frequently villainized…" He grimaces. "I do not think I would be welcome. Possibly even now."
"Aw, little buddy!"
He shrugs again. "Villains get to play around with gender presentation anyway. People are used to that from me; I'm fine."
"As long as we're on the subject, speaking of 'close enough,' how did the prison get you figured out, by the way?" Roxanne says. "Can I ask? I would have thought—"
"Punktak infants can't retract," Minion says. Megamind nods. "That ability develops later."
"So if male wasn't close enough—"
"Oh, definitely flying the pink, white, and blue, in that case. Possibly also the purple and yellow."
Wayne asks about children, then. Human children. What are their options, what's that about. Politicians are screeching about kids being coerced and politicians are always screeching about SOMETHING but, is that a thing? Should he be worried? Should this be something he talks about when he does school visits? He's put the cape back on and he's easing back into heroing as backup for Megamind, who HATES visiting schools. Metro Man still handles that part of the hero deal. Is this something he should be mentioning?
"I do know intersex children are frequently put on hormone treatments regardless of identity, yes," Roxanne says. "And subjected to surgical 'correction' even as infants. Politicians do not seem upset about that at all. But where intersex kids have to fight to resist treatment—if they're even told why they're receiving treatment, at all—trans kids have to fight to be recognized."
"Uh." Wayne scrunches his face. "That's…wow. But, but that's a double standard, right? Am I right?"
"No," Roxanne says. "No, if you look at it as an issue of forced conformity, it is unfortunately very consistent."
Wayne's expression darkens. "Hmm."
"Politicians continue to be stupid, and children in this country continue to have no rights," Megamind says, flat, with a disgusted wave of his hand. "It is a fabulously ee-vil setup. Absolutely nobody is happy!"
Wayne is frowning as Roxanne does her best to explain what she knows about puberty blockers and the other options available to the transgender teens who are able to access gender-affirming treatment. It doesn't feel like she knows nearly enough, but she tries.
Still, Wayne appears to be listening intently, but he is not smiling. Roxanne tries to impress upon him the extraordinarily low rates of regret for transitioning that everyone else seems so worried about, but she does also explain that gender can shift, for some people. And some people have no gender, some people have multiple genders. Some people are in between, or neither. But either way, regret for undergoing any kind of treatment is extremely low in the trans community, she says, both because it is true and because if Metro Man comes out of this conversation fighting on the side of Concerned Parents Everywhere, she is GOING to scream. Kids need to have some kind of say in what happens to them.
Minion clears his throat and offers up the tidbit that his own gender fluctuates based almost entirely on his presentation. "If I'm in a dress, I'm a woman," he says over his shoulder. "I don't know why, or how, but that's how it goes for me. Sir and Miss Ritchi are already aware; you may as well know, too."
"All it boils down to is that sometimes, doctors and parents think someone is one thing," Roxanne finally says, because Wayne is now staring at Minion's back with a look on his face like he's trying to imagine the gorilla suit in a dress, and failing, and it's rankling Roxanne's nerves, "but the individual knows otherwise. So they make a change, or put a stop to unwanted changes, and live as the other thing. Or both things, or a blend, or neither. It's just different ways of being comfortable as yourself, Wayne. It—it can happen to anyone, it—"
"Wait, so…wait. Wait."
Despite everyone's best efforts, Wayne looks and sounds, if possible, even more confused than when they started. And a little bit upset.
Which Roxanne thinks at first doesn't bode well; usually if someone is still uncomprehending at this point, it means they've got their metaphorical stick stuck so deep in the mud and up their ass that moving them is going to be painful for everyone involved. Megamind seems to be having similar thoughts; his lips are very thin as he sips his coffee.
"Okay so the intersex thing is a whole other barrel of beans," Wayne says. "But, but that's bio stuff, I gotta, I gotta maybe, uh, yell at some people about that later. Figure out how to talk to kids about that later. But the trans, uh—circling back to the transgenders, or whatever—do you mean—"
"Look," Roxanne tries, trying not to sound defensive, "I told you, I might not be doing this right. I've got friends in the trans community and I think one of my coworkers is intersex, but you really should talk to—I mean, did your mother seriously not tell you about any of—"
"—YOU MEAN I COULDA BEEN A LADY THIS WHOLE TIME?" Wayne blurts, loudly enough that Megamind swears and nearly drops his mug. "HOLY CHEESE, that was an OPTION?"
There. Is. A very brief and startled silence. Following this.
Roxanne blinks, thrown. "Um…"
She glances at Megamind, who has paused in wiping up the spilled coffee with his sleeve. He looks back over at her.
"Huh," he says.
"OH MY GOD," Wayne says, muffled, face in hands and elbows on table. The table begins to bend; both Megamind and Roxanne scramble for their drinks. "WHAT THE HEY."
Minion throws his dishtowel over his shoulder and turns around. "I'm gonna tell her."
Roxanne jumps. "Don't you dare! It's a very personal—"
"Well someone's gotta! Personal, shmersonal; I don't know if she'll figure it out on her own; she's pretty thick—"
"Okay okay okay NOW what're we talking about," Wayne groans, "what's—sorry, I'm trying to, like, process this and I keep getting hung up on—"
Minion puts the clean pot he was drying away in its cupboard, and sighs. "Look," he says. "Do you want to be a lady?"
The hero’s dark head comes up. Wayne boggles at him, elbows still on the creaking table and hands splayed. "What—I don't—I don't think I can—"
Minion rolls his eyes. "I don't care what you think,” he says, fins flared and hands on his hips. “Do you WANT to be a lady?"
Wayne looks flabbergasted. "Who doesn't?"
Ah.
"Welp," Roxanne says, lips twitching. Megamind stands up, throws back the remainder of his coffee and hands his empty mug to Roxanne, and then turns away to rustle quickly through his personal kitchen drawer of miscellaneous odds and ends.
"Congratulations, then," Minion exclaims with an enormous toothy grin (as Megamind makes a noise like Aha! and turns around with a somewhat faded and flattened party horn in his mouth), "you're a lady!"
The party horn bleats like a cheerful baby hadrosaur and Megamind tosses a handful of colorful paperclips and thumbtacks into the air like confetti, grinning around the plastic mouthpiece. Wayne stares at him—and then at Roxanne, who is laughing in startled delight—Wayne looks up at Minion—
—and then she beams. "Really?" She looks at Roxanne. "That's really all it takes?"
"That really is all it takes!"
"But I'm, I mean I've got," she gestures at herself, "uh. Generally dudely whatnot?"
"So do lots of other ladies," Minion says. "It hasn't stopped me."
"And I don't feel any different—"
"Do you need to?"
"Huh?"
"Take it from a former villain who is used to playing around with gender presentation," Megamind drawls from where he has retrieved and is refilling his mug, "despite what the screeching politicians would have you believe, there is no actual wrong way to do this," gesturing up and down at himself. "I can therefore only assume there is similarly no wrong way to be a woman, either. It's possible you don't feel any different because you may have been a woman, as you said, this whole time. You could change absolutely nothing, and STILL be a woman, if that's what you want. You get to choose."
There is another pause.
"I will warn you," Megamind says, stirring sugar into his coffee, "if you do make changes, it will be difficult. Changing the way people see you always is."
Roxanne sits up. "Megamind, don't—"
"That being said," he continues, frowning at Roxanne, "you will also be more yourself than you have probably ever been. You'll be surprised how much that helps. It took me a long time to find my true self in defying everybody's expectations," he adds, with a small smile. "Now I think it's time you find yours."
Whether or not Megamind's former nemesis realized those were her own words turned around is anyone's guess; she's nodding slowly, squinting into the middle distance.
Finally she lifts her head.
"In that case I think I'm gonna be Winnie," she decides. "Always thought that'd be a cute nickname."
"Aw, I love that for you," Roxanne exclaims.
"Ollo Winnie. Mistress Goody-Two-Shoes," Megamind says, grinning at the way Winnie lights up, "this is going to be interesting."
"Oh jeez," Winnie realizes suddenly, "yeah, my parents are going to freak—"
"I actually would not worry about them too much," Roxanne remarks. Winnie sends her a doubtful look. "I'm pretty sure they'll be okay. Surprised, maybe, but they'll be fine, I am very sure. I'm mostly just shocked they didn't explain any of this to you already."
"The heck would they know about trans stuff, though," Winnie says. Roxanne shrugs, and Megamind turns a snort into a hasty cough that goes over Winnie's head. "But, okay. Okay okay. If you're sure. Wow, uh. Wow I feel like my brain's been stirred."
Minion hangs his dishtowel over the arch of the kitchen faucet, dries his hands, and then turns around. "Well," he says, "first things first. The fun part. What are your thoughts on clothes?"
Winnie blinks. "Clothes?"
"I bet I've got some things that might fit you, if you want to try. Have to take them in at the waist and maybe let them out in the shoulders, but…"
Winnie pauses. "Oh. Oh wow. Wait, really? You mean like, dresses? You think you can do dresses that'll fit me?"
"Oh absolutely," Minion says, grinning. "Please. I'm a whiz with a needle; I can do literally anything you want."
"I don't…I don't know if I want dresses, but…"
Minion shrugs.
"I'll text some people," Roxanne says into the somewhat awkward silence, pulling out her phone. "I'll let them know I've got a friend who's figuring herself out, see if anybody knows anybody who's willing to chat about all this with you. I'll try and send you a couple phone numbers hopefully later today."
"That'd be amazing, oh man, thank you," Winnie says. "Uh, but they're not gonna ask about—"
"I will not tell them you're Metro Man. Or…whoever. And you could've just said you were wondering, by the way," Roxanne adds, smiling up at her friend. "You didn't have to come at it from the politics angle."
Winnie grimaces. "I didn't think I WAS wondering." She shrugs her huge shoulders. "It hit kinda partway through, but I mean, I guess this whole thing's been eating at me since I heard about it. And uh, it seems like it's something I should be able to ignore? Usually? Like, I've made it this far living totally under a rock on the whole, uh, gender thing. But ever since putting the cape back on, I just…I dunno. The politics keeps poking at the corners of my brain."
"You really didn't want to cut your hair again," Roxanne agrees.
Winnie's jaw drops and her eyes go wide. "Oh, THAT was…? Oh. Ohhh. Huh."
She pauses.
"…Maybe I do want dresses," she says.
Minion grins. "Only one way to find out," he declares, and bustles away out the door, heading down the hall to his room. "Come on," he calls back, bright and bubbly, "let's go play dress-up," and Winnie is smiling as she lifts off and moves to follow, but…
…she pauses in the doorway.
She glances back at Roxanne, then looks at Megamind.
"I get to choose," she echoes, uncertainty in her face.
He nods. Firm. "Always and always and always and always. You live for you."
Winnie nods back. Exhales.
"Right. Right, I live for me. I get to choose." She swallows. Takes a deep breath and then lets it out, still nodding. "I get to choose," and she finally flits away after Minion.