Chapter Text
The first thing Ayan did when he got off the escalators at the airport wasn’t to look for the sign with his name that his mother said she would be holding up while waiting for him.
He searched for a tall figure and a pair of black doe-Bambi-like eyes.
Unfortunately, the only thing he found after a long time of searching was his mother, with the sign bearing his name, jumping up and down excitedly to be noticed in the crowd.
Ayan walked over to her, somewhat disappointed but trying not to show it.
His mother hugged him and ruffled his hair in that typical motherly gesture. He returned the hug with his only available hand, smiling as best as he could.
"I've missed you so much, my son." She pulled away and looked him up and down with a nostalgic tone.
"I missed you too, Mom."
He tightened his grip on the gray wheeled suitcase, looking around carefully. He had already realized there was no one else, but he couldn’t help but hold on to the slightest hope that the person he was hoping to see might appear at any moment, with his bright smile on his face, ready to throw himself into his arms. Or for Ayan to throw himself into his arms, which was more likely.
"No one else is coming with you?"
He turned his gaze back to his mother, receiving a confused stare in response.
"Who else would come, Aye?"
Ayan sighed.
Exactly. Who else would come?
He just shook his head and gave a bitter laugh, starting to walk toward the car with his mother.
During the entire drive to the house, which he would never forget the route to, his hands gripped his phone tightly, a feeling of anxiety and frustration growing in his chest as the last message he had sent remained unread, just like all the others over the past eight months.
Ayan: I’m almost landing in Bangkok, will you come see me?
Nothing. The person who had until then claimed to be his best friend hadn’t even bothered to read that message.
Ayan felt absurdly frustrated, and a burning discomfort settled deep in his throat every time he thought about him, over the past eight months.
Akk.
Just over a year ago, they were like the feathers of the same phoenix: Akk would sleep at his house, and he would sleep in Akk's small apartment; Akk would call his mother “Mom,” even though it made him blush, and Ayan found it adorable; they would stay in the living room or at the school court side by side, exchanging ideas or jabs, but never intending to truly hurt each other. And everything would be fine.
Now, Akk wouldn’t even bother to pick him up at the airport.
And there simply didn’t seem to be any apparent reasonable reason. Ayan checked Akk’s social media and those of their mutual friends – Thua, Wat, Kan, and Namo – ritualistically.
Akk didn’t post much, but Wat was particularly active, and there would always be a story or two where the group would appear, having coffee together at “Coffe for All,” eating something at the college cafeteria, or just hanging out together to have fun. And Akk was there, with his sweet smile and bright eyes, holding a cup of coffee, eating his food, or drinking a beer.
Yet, he wouldn’t even bother to reply to the damn message.
When they arrived at the big house, Ayan jumped out of the car, grabbed his suitcase from the trunk, and walked alongside his mother into the house.
"You look down, son. Was the trip really exhausting?" His mother asked with concern in her voice.
Did he look that bad? Over just one message? Well, it made sense. Akk always had a strong effect on him.
He tried to put on his best smile before responding.
"Yeah, it's a long trip from England to Thailand, we had to make a stop... I think I’ll put my suitcase in my room, take a shower, and rest."
"Alright, dear. I'll call you when dinner is ready."
He gave his mother another smile before heading upstairs to his room.
The room was exactly as he remembered it. There was a transparent glass shelf with photos of him, his family, and his friends; in the middle, a king-size bed with a small table beside it where the bedside lamp for nighttime reading stood; on the wall opposite the bed was the wardrobe, and next to it, the door leading to the bathroom.
Ayan dropped his suitcase in front of the wardrobe and headed toward the bathroom.
After taking a shower, he lay on the bed in blue shorts and a tank top, checking once more if there was any message on his phone.
Nothing.
He sighed and pressed the phone against his chest, closing his eyes.
He and Akk hated each other when they first met.
He was a new student in his first year of high school who wouldn’t conform to stupid rules like wearing a uniform or being forced to bow down in respect to older students, while Akk was the head of the monitors and had the responsibility to make the students follow the rules. The two would be found constantly bickering, and once, they even fought physically.
Akk had an inflexible, ignorant, and narrow-minded personality. That was Ayan's first impression of him, and for months, it remained unchanged. Never, in his entire life, had a beta ever openly defied him like that.
Not betas, and certainly not omegas – his fights had always been with other alphas of his same category.
At the same time that fighting with Akk made him furious, it also excited him.
Except when he found out why Akk acted so harshly with the students. Apparently, the teachers were as severe with him as he was with the others.
The day Ayan overheard a conversation between one of his teachers, Chadok, and Akk, his view of the beta changed completely.
“Akk, if protests against the school rules keep happening right under your nose, you’ll never get the scholarship you want.”
Ayan heard Professor Chadok’s voice sound stern as he passed by one of the hallways on his way to the restrooms.
When he realized the conversation involved his rival, he hid behind one of the concrete beams and tried to listen more closely.
“I’m sorry, Professor Chadok, I promise I’ll do better.” Akk’s voice sounded robotic, something Ayan had never heard before.
“You’d better. So far, your time as head monitor has proven to be a terrible choice on my part. You embarrass me.”
“I promise I’ll do better.” Akk repeated.
“Your best isn’t enough, kid.”
Professor Chadok left without saying anything more, leaving only Akk and a hidden Ayan behind. The alpha heard the sound of footsteps fading away and pulled his head from behind the beam, watching as Akk began walking toward the sports court a few meters away.
Not really knowing why, Ayan followed him.
When he reached the center of the court, he saw something he didn’t expect.
Akk was crying.
His face and eyes were red, and he stared at no particular place as thick tears fell from his Bambi eyes, the childish sparkle that usually gleamed in them now completely gone, his lips puckered in a small pout.
Ayan felt a pain in his chest at the sight. He wondered why. There was not a single trace of friendship between him and Akk, only insults exchanged and a few flirtations from Ayan that shouldn’t have been taken seriously, with the sole intent to frustrate the other and make him back off.
Yet, there he was, approaching in short, hesitant steps until he stopped in front of Akk, who only then seemed to notice his presence, violently rubbing the tears from his face.
“What are you doing here?”
Ayan sat down beside him, watching Akk start to move away instantly. He grabbed his wrist to stop him.
“I heard your conversation with Professor Chadok.”
Akk tried to pull his hand away, but Ayan held it more tightly, forcing both of them into a stalemate.
Akk growled in frustration and slammed his arm aggressively on the bleachers.
“Great, besides being na idiot, you’re also a show-off.”
The alpha ignored the insult, knowing it wasn’t the right moment to start a fight.
“Akk, you can’t let other people tell you what you should do, especially Professor Chadok.”
“This is none of your damn business.” Akk exploded, his voice choking, indicating he was on the verge of crying again.
That strange feeling in his stomach came back. Ayan felt so uncomfortable. Why couldn’t he stand seeing this boy cry? Why did he feel like crying too?
He released his grip on Akk’s wrist and held Akk’s face in his hands, trying to make him look him in the eyes as Akk stubbornly refused.
“Akk, look at me. Akk, Akk.” He held his face more firmly, holding back from using his alpha voice but speaking louder the next time. “Akk, look at me now.”
Finally, that pair of doll-like eyes locked with his. Ayan sighed in relief before speaking again.
“This is wrong. They shouldn’t put this kind of pressure on you. They’re the adults, they should solve their own problems.”
Akk shook his head.
“You don’t understand. They don’t force me to do anything, I want to make everything better, I want everything to be perfect. I can’t be weak.”
“You’re allowed to be weak, at least with me.”
Ayan felt something he had never felt before when he saw Akk’s reaction in his eyes at that moment. Akk’s tear-bright eyes searched for truth in his words, and even though Ayan had said that impulsively, he still believed it, so he tried to express as much trust as he could on his face.
Ayan remembered Akk pulling away from him that day anyway, but something had changed between them, and there was no turning back.
With each conversation they had about this topic, or with every conversation they had about anything, Ayan discovered Akk wasn’t just what he had anticipated when they first met.
He was still ignorant, harsh, and narrow-minded, but he wasn’t just that. Akk could be kind, compassionate, and willing to do anything to please those around him. In the most unexpected ways, and between jabs and flirtations, they became friends. Best friends.
And, well, it was inevitable that some other feelings would emerge from Ayan. But he couldn’t help it. What started as playful flirtation began to get more serious on his side, relieved and at the same time feeling his heart sink every time Akk pushed him away.
He wanted more, but he didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Because Akk never showed signs of feeling anything more.
Eventually, Ayan started keeping those feelings locked away in at the bottom of his chest, sealed with seven locks.
He could endure only Akk’s friendship, however, he couldn’t endure the indifference now.
His hands trembled when he felt the phone vibrate in his hand, desperately swiping the phone icon to the right upon seeing Kan’s name on the screen.
“Kan?”
“Aye! I thought you wouldn’t answer because we couldn’t pick you up at the airport.” Kan let out a relieved sigh on the other end, his tone both cheerful and guilty at the same time. “Thua and I weren’t in town, and Wat got lost on the calendar, when we noticed we went crazy thinking you were mad at us.”
Ayan let out a laugh. He had kept in touch with his friends while he was away, and he missed them so much, even though they did video calls every week and exchanged messages frequently.
At least they cared to stay in contact, Ayan thought bitterly.
“Of course not, no problem. You texted me before you left with Thua, remember? And I know Wat is forgetful...” He bit his tongue to avoid asking, ‘And what about Akk?’
“No way, I’m not letting this slide. How about we go out for drinks and celebrate your return tonight? We were already planning on going to a new bar downtown.”
Ayan gripped the sheet beneath him with his free hand, sitting up on the bed at the thought of the implicit opportunities this invitation carried.
“Who’s going?”
Kan let out a laugh, a little confused.
“Our usual group. Me, Thua, Wat, you, and Akk... Maybe Namo.”
Ayan almost rolled his eyes at the thought of Namo being there, but that was quickly suppressed when he learned Akk would be joining.
“I’ll meet you guys there, then. Send me the address and time in a message.”
Kan made an affirmative sound, and they said their goodbyes. In just a few minutes, Ayan heard the phone vibrate again, indicating Kan’s message with the time and address, and he couldn’t help but kick the sheets in celebration.
After a year, he would see Akk again.
The bar wasn’t too crowded, but the voices were loud and almost drowned out the live music playing in the background, which wasn’t bad, just different from the bars in England that Ayan had gotten used to.
He had never been to a bar in Bangkok before.
Everything was vibrant, colorful, and noisy – just like most bars, he assumed – and it took him over ten minutes to find his friends sitting at a table further ahead, near the bar where drinks were ordered.
His group consisted of three betas and two alphas, including him. Well, four betas if you counted the sixth intruder, Namo, who was leaning toward Akk like a toddler demanding attention.
Ayan held back the instinct to slip between the two before even greeting his friends.
“Aye, finally, I thought you stood us up!” Kan stood up from beside his boyfriend, Thua, and threw an arm around Ayan’s shoulders, making the smaller alpha notice how much his friend had bulked up a little during the year he’d been absent.
“He had already stopped talking about how much he wanted to see you and started badmouthing you behind your back,” Wat explained, laughing, which made Ayan laugh too.
That was so typical of Kan.
Wat was also a little different, his features more mature and adult, with a defined jawline.
“Don’t listen to him, don’t listen to him. Come sit with us, there’s a spot next to Akk.”
For the first time that evening, the tallest beta among them glanced over at Ayan, causing the alpha to immediately meet his gaze.
Akk looked even more handsome, and Ayan found this fact unbearable.
He still wore his hair perfectly styled, with bangs falling over his forehead, but it was a bit longer now, almost covering his eyes and falling down his pale neck, making him even more charming and beautiful.
His features were less childlike and more masculine, a masculinity that contrasted with his beautiful Bambi-like eyes and plump, reddened lips.
Fuck, Ayan thought, he pierced his ears.
He hadn’t noticed that in the pictures, even though he sometimes spent over an hour staring at them.
His mouth went ridiculously dry when he sat down immediately next to Akk, their eyes still locked. It felt like there were only the two of them at the table.
“Akk, I like this drink, try it here.” Namo’s voice came from beside Akk, making him look away from Ayan to focus on the small beta, who then directed a straw toward Akk’s mouth, making him taste the blue cocktail.
Ayan hated the proximity.
“Are you going to make me swallow the straw?” Akk pulled the other’s hand away abruptly after taking a sip of the drink, making Ayan immediately want to laugh despite the jealousy that gnawed at his chest.
Akk was still the same despite the physical changes, and that was great.
“Ah, sorry, I just wanted you to try it…” Namo mumbled, embarrassed, taking long sips of his drink to cover up his awkwardness.
Ayan knew very well that Namo had made Akk use the same straw just so they could share an indirect kiss.
He himself had done that before! Totally shameless.
He wondered if it would be too rude to growl at Namo in front of everyone at the table, but he quickly discarded the thought when his friends started making small talk.
“Ready to go back to studying in Thailand, Aye?” Wat took a sip of his drink.
“Definitely, I couldn’t stand the cold weather all year in England. It’s much warmer and prettier here.” He joked, pulling one of the full but open beer bottles toward himself, taking a long sip.
Thai beer was much more bitter than the British kind. Ayan missed that.
“You say that, but you’re studying English Literature instead of Thai, so who’s going to believe you?” Kan pointed a bottle at him dramatically, making everyone laugh, while Thua wrapped his arms around Kan’s waist, pulling him back down to sit at the table.
“Don’t be dramatic, Kan.”
“I’m just pointing out the hypocrisy, darling. Dramatic? Never.” He shook his head. “Excited to start your second year of college? Because someone here is a bundle of nerves.” Kan shot a playful look at Akk.
Akk caught the hint and responded without looking at Ayan.
“It’s normal to be nervous, you guys are just way too chill about it.”
“Well, now that Ayan is back, he’s the only one who can calm you down when a new academic year starts. It’ll be just like when we were in high school.” Wat teased.
Ayan saw Akk shrink back and take a sip of his beer, as if he were at a loss for words in response to that observation.
Ayan laughed because it was true. Akk always got nervous whenever a new year started at Suppalo, and he ended up hiding at his parents’ house in the small coastal town where he was born, not answering anyone. Usually, Ayan would drive the group of friends to spend time together at the beach, staying by his side to calm him down.
And when it worked, Ayan felt immensely satisfied that he could help Akk. He was so grateful to have the taller guy by his side, even when he got anxious and overwhelmed with nerves and worries.
“Yeah, now that Ayan’s back, he’ll be the one stuck listening to Akk talk for two hours straight about midterm and final exams. He loves doing that, I bet he’d pay just to hear Akk complain.” Kan teased, wanting to continue the round of teasing.
It was so obvious that they knew about Ayan’s feelings for Akk, even though he’d never spoken them aloud, that it was almost funny how Akk had never noticed. So funny, it was tragic.
“You guys are ridiculous.” Akk retorted, rolling his eyes.
“No, no, let them talk. They’re not lying.” Ayan looked at the beta, a playful yet seductive smile on his lips.
He would talk about their issues privately later; for now, he would enjoy this reunion the same way he would if Akk hadn’t ignored him for almost a year.
“You…” Akk pointed at his beer. “are even more ridiculous for that.”
Ayan laughed and raised an eyebrow, biting his lower lip and leaning his body toward Akk.
“Really? What else am I?”
“And there they go again, flirting.” Kan interrupted, in a tone that clearly said ‘I’m tired of this shit,’ getting a slap on the arm from Thua and a tap on the back of the head from Wat. “What? It’s true! They’ve only just met less than an hour ago.”
“Leave them alone, babe. You’re not much better.” Thua teased Kan, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist again.
“Listen to your boyfriend.”
Ayan pulled away from Akk, taking another sip of his beer, the smile still playing on his lips as he noticed the panic in his friend’s eyes, just like always when the alpha’s flirting tone surprised him.
“Yeah, Kan, listen to your boyfriend. I’ll handle Akk.” He said.
Wat nudged Namo, who had been quiet until now, glancing between Akk’s flushed cheeks and Ayan’s victorious smile.
“Looks like your love rival is back to the game, shorty.” Wat teased.
Namo clicked his tongue and went back to drinking his beer, seemingly dissatisfied.
This only made Ayan feel even happier, the weight of being ignored for months momentarily lifting from his chest.
The night passed much faster than he wanted, between beers, updates on his friends’ lives and his own, and teasing and joking.
Except for Thua, who drank little, and Ayan, who had a high alcohol tolerance, everyone was a little drunk by the end of the night, stumbling out of the bar while laughing and shoving each other like teenagers.
“Baby, you’re heavy, hold on to the ground,” Thua asked, his voice frantic as he tried to keep his boyfriend steady on his shoulders, who was now threatening to trip and fall at any moment.
Wat held Kan from the other side of Thua, a little less drunk.
“I’ll drive behind you two to help get Kan to your room, and then I’ll head home,” Wat said.
“Okay, thanks, Wat,” Thua smiled, his boyfriend insistently trying to kiss his cheeks while he dodged.
Ayan thought it was cute, but a little too clingy, with a bit of envy since he couldn’t do the same with the beta beside him, who was drinking from a bottle of water to ease his drunkenness while asking the others if they needed help.
“Don’t worry, Akk, you have work tomorrow, so you shouldn’t stay out too late. Besides, Wat is enough to help me get this one upstairs. Thanks,” Thua replied, to which Akk just nodded.
“Alright, take care then. Text me when you get there, immediately.”
The three nodded and said their goodbyes, with Wat in a different car from Thua and Kan.
In the end, only Akk, Ayan, and Namo were left in front of the bar.
Namo was the first to speak, positioning himself next to Akk so that their shoulders brushed. Ayan watched the movement carefully before locking eyes with Namo.
The beta had been a pain in the ass since their first year. He followed Akk around like he was Singto, the stray dog the beta liked to feed sometimes. Actually, not even Singto was as clingy and annoying.
Some studies suggested that when humans first started evolving a second gender, they had wolf tails, ears, and fangs, but eventually, evolution made them lose those features for biological inconvenience.
If they still had them, Namo would probably have his ears tilted toward Akk and a tail wagging side to side like an excited puppy.
If they still had them, Ayan would be showing his fangs like an overprotective wolf.
“Akk, do you want a ride? You took the bus here, right? Well, there’s no bus at this hour, so you can come back with me if you want!” Namo grabbed the taller beta’s arm, shaking it with his eyes sparkling.
Ayan weighed whether he should intervene, but ultimately decided not to. He was jealous, and his protective instincts toward Akk were almost overwhelming, but he knew how to control them, and Akk was single and free to make his own choices.
If he wanted to go with Namo, fine. Actually, “fine” was a strong word… but Ayan wouldn’t make a scene if it happened.
Akk glanced at Ayan out of the corner of his eye before responding.
“Actually, I didn’t come back with them because I’m going in Ayan’s car. But thanks for offering, Namo.”
Both Namo and Ayan were surprised. Namo for having his invitation turned down, and Ayan for hearing the other say he would go with him.
Ayan was glad to understand that it wasn’t just him who wanted to talk about the last few months with Akk if that’s what the beta was implying by saying they’d go back together.
He couldn’t help but let his face break into a small, satisfied smirk at both—Namo’s rejection and the chance to spend some time alone with his beta.
“Ah, well... Okay, then. You guys haven’t seen each other in a long time, you must have a lot to catch up on.” Namo looked suggestively at the alpha.
Ayan wondered if he and everyone else knew that Akk had been ignoring him for the last few months. If they did, why hadn’t anyone explained why, or at least said outright that he was being openly ignored?
It wasn’t like Akk had been subtle about it, or that Ayan hadn’t asked about his best friend at practically every opportunity, only to receive vague answers from everyone.
Maybe. Possibly. Most likely, they all knew everything. And they owed him explanations, which Ayan was going to demand. But first, Akk.
Ayan gently grabbed his best friend’s wrist, who flinched at the touch but didn’t pull away.
“Yes, we have. Now, if you’ll excuse us...”
Ayan pulled Akk without giving him a chance to say goodbye to Namo, leading him toward his car in the parking lot.
The moment the two got into the vehicle, before Akk could even move to put on his seatbelt, Ayan couldn’t hold his tongue anymore.
“Why, Akk?”
Akk froze for a second, with half of his seatbelt crossing his chest. It was almost imperceptible, but Ayan noticed everything about Akk, always.
The beta finished fastening his seatbelt and sighed deeply before responding.
“It’s been a tough year for me. I’m sorry, I know I was unfair to you.”
The immediate and sincere apology made Ayan relax his body in the driver’s seat, but his mind was still tense.
“What happened?” He asked, only to be met with silence. “Our friends avoided the subject every time I asked about you, but now that I’m back, everyone is treating me like nothing happened, like our friendship just picked up where we left off. I think I deserve an explanation from you, from all of you.”
A few more seconds of silence followed, but Ayan waited patiently because he knew how much his best friend tended to analyze everything he thought before responding.
“They... they don’t know about this either, they only know I was avoiding you. And I asked them to treat the situation as normally as possible.”
Well, that sounded like something Akk would do, Ayan thought.
But he still wasn’t satisfied with the answer, so he just waited for the taller one to continue.
“Ayan, I—”
“Aye. Are we going back to the first year? You know I hate it when you call me Ayan.” He interrupted, his voice a bit louder and more frantic than he intended.
He bit his lower lip and gripped the steering wheel, immediately regretting raising his voice. He never raised his voice at Akk.
The two took long breaths for a while, trying to control their heartbeat and avoid the situation escalating into a full-blown argument.
When Ayan spoke again, his tone came out shaky and raspy.
“Do you realize how much I missed you?” The tone was low and would’ve been hard to hear if it weren’t for the silence in the car. “I lost Uncle Dika last year, and less than a year later, I lost my best friend.”
“You didn’t lose me, Aye. I missed you so much too. You know you’re the most important person in my life.”
His heart raced so much that he could feel it pounding in his ears. He was the most important person in Akk’s life, just as Akk was in his.
At least that would never change. Deep down, Ayan knew that.
“Then why, Akk?” He repeated, insisting on an answer.
“I can’t explain it now, but I will eventually. Can you understand me?”
Ayan didn’t want to understand.
Ayan wanted to yell at him and demand answers. Grab him by the shoulders and force him to answer all of his questions. However, he knew that Akk had a limit, and crossing it would only lead to a fight that couldn’t be undone, one that would only hurt both of them.
Besides, he didn’t have the strength to press Akk on something that seemed so delicate.
Ayan needed a few minutes to reflect, and when he finally responded, he still wasn’t sure he had made the right decision.
“Yes, I can. However, you need to promise me that, while you figure out your problems and muster the courage to talk about them with me, you won’t push me away again. I won’t stand another year of this hell.”
He pressed his fingers against Akk’s outer hand, gently making circular motions with his thumb.
Akk looked him in the eyes and smiled at him for the first time that night.
He was still charming when he smiled. Ayan hated knowing that.
“ I promise, Aye.”
The car, which had just been burning with a discussion that seemed imminent, now emanated a different warmth. A crackling and affectionate fire that wrapped around Ayan’s heart.
It was pure longing and affection for the person next to him, sitting in the passenger seat as though the place belonged to him. And, indeed, it did.
The car, the seat, Ayan. Everything belonged to Akk if he wanted it.
“Well, does that mean I’m going to get a welcome-back kiss?”
Ayan pouted and leaned toward Akk as if to kiss him, causing Akk to laugh and roll his eyes while pushing him away.
“In your dreams, it’s always possible. Now, come on, take me back to my apartment.” Akk ordered in a playful tone.
Ayan fastened his seatbelt, starting the car.
“Always so bossy.” He murmured.
The drive was smooth. The alpha was a bit surprised to learn that Akk had moved to an apartment near the campus of the university he attended and where Ayan would begin his studies in a few weeks. Akk told him everything about his new job at a café/patisserie near the campus and updated his best friend on his parents, who were just as fond of Ayan as Ayan’s mother was of Akk.
When the conversation turned to Ayan and his exchange program, somehow the atmosphere shifted.
“Kan told me you got a boyfriend while you were away.” Akk started the topic, making Ayan press a little harder on the accelerator than necessary. “A British guy, huh? What’s different about him compared to the Thai guys you’ve dated?” His voice was playful, curious, and had something extra that Ayan couldn’t quite catch.
He swallowed a lump of saliva, his throat suddenly dry.
“Nothing special... And the relationship didn’t last long.” He explained casually, turning in the direction Akk had pointed. “Besides, he was mixed, half Thai.”
“A beta?”
“Another alpha.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Akk asked in a more careful tone.
“What more is there to say?”
“Aye.”
Ayan sighed audibly. He knew what Akk wanted to talk about, but he was skirting the subject instead of diving into it head-on.
When his Uncle Dika died at the end of his second school year, Ayan found himself lost in a sea of negative emotions: grief, anger, guilt, and despair. They were normal feelings, the doctors said at first to his concerned and anxious mother, who tapped her feet in the doctor’s office when her son spent weeks lying in bed and getting into fights at school. After a few months, that perception changed.
Ayan was diagnosed with depression. And with the diagnosis came experimental medications, and with them, apathy, constant sleep, and the lack of libido that would typically appear in an alpha of Ayan’s age going through the hormone rush of adolescence. It took a long time to find the right medication, and by this point, Ayan had been single for more than a year, alone in the vast and mysterious London.
Akk knew all of this, except for the part where Ayan had finally found a combination of medications that worked for him.
And, despite this little setback being fixed, there were still other reasons why his last relationship hadn’t worked. Just like all the others before it.
One of them was the beautiful beta staring at him right now with curious eyes.
“If you want to know about my meds, I’ve solved that issue. I’m much better now. I feel almost normal.” He said confidently, stopping the car in front of the building complex where Akk lived.
They were small, none of them more than three stories high, but they seemed charming and comfortable, with large windows and balconies.
“That’s great, Aye. I know how hard you worked to find the right medication and improve.” Akk unbuckled his seatbelt, resting his head against the leather seat before looking back at Ayan. “So, why didn’t it work out between you two?”
The answer was on the tip of his tongue.
It was simply because the guy didn’t remind Akk enough to keep Ayan’s attention. He felt awful admitting that, but sometimes the naked truth could be terrible.
What caught his attention about that alpha when he joined the English literature club at his university were his eyes. Large, round, and bright, just like Akk’s. He was also taller than Ayan, almost the same height as the beta next to him.
So, if Ayan only looked into his eyes when the other held his waist and looked down at him, he could imagine another pair of eyes staring back with that same intensity and passion. If he closed his eyes and ran his hand through those soft hairs while standing on tiptoe to kiss him, he could imagine full, red lips on his own, large hands covered with veins, but at the same time so gentle and tender, touching him everywhere he wanted to be touched.
The problem began because that was just an illusion. He wasn’t Akk. He didn’t have the same voice, the hair didn’t have the same softness, he didn’t look at him with those wide Bambi eyes and red cheeks when Ayan flirted shamelessly and bit his lip toward him, and he certainly didn’t have that severe, stubborn, and at the same time loving and protective aura.
Ayan felt dirty and like a fraud every time they slept together. His inner alpha cried out for Akk and would not accept anyone else. So, when things threatened to get too serious, Ayan was forced to break the other alpha’s expectations and end the relationship.
But he couldn’t say any of that to his best friend, so he opted for an easier alternative.
“I think I was still getting over junior year and wasn’t really ready for a relationship. It was better this way.” Ayan looked into the other’s eyes appreciatively—passionately. He hoped his best friend wouldn’t notice. “Besides, how could I be with anyone else when all my time is yours?”
It was a joke, but it was also true. All of his boyfriends during high school always noticed Ayan’s tendency to spend more time with Akk than with them, no matter how attentive and respectful he was as a boyfriend, he couldn’t avoid it.
Spending hours doing a boring math task with Akk was more fun and exciting than spending hours doing his favorite activities with anyone else.
Eventually, everyone realized it wasn’t a normal friendship. Everyone, except Akk himself.
The said man rolled his eyes once more, tired of his best friend’s nonsense, and opened the car door.
“Stop messing with me. And thanks for the ride.”
Ayan bit his lip, not wanting the night to end like this. Without seriously considering his words, he asked:
“Can I sleep at your apartment?”
Akk looked at him with one eyebrow raised.
“Is something wrong with your own place?”
Ayan was torn between telling the truth and making up something for several long seconds. Finally, he chose something in between.
“I just miss you. And I wanted to see your new place. Is that too much to ask for a friend?”
The beta fell silent, searching for hidden intentions in Ayan’s eyes, before glancing out the window towards the building where he lived.
“Alright.” His voice was a little distant. “But you have to promise me you won’t touch anything without my permission.”
Ayan was curious as to why Akk would ask that, since they used to have secrets with each other, not from each other.
However, in the end, he agreed, and they both went up to the apartment.
Akk lived at the end of the hall on the second floor, building D, apartment 115. The door had a doorbell, and entry was unlocked with a four-digit code on a digital panel.
The apartment was small, but obviously cozy. The furniture was all coordinated with the walls, following a yellow and caramel color scheme, Akk’s favorite colors. There were plenty of plants and photos scattered around, giving it more life and personality.
It was all so Akk.
The three genders—alphas, betas, and omegas—were sensitive to smells. In Suppalo, it was mandatory for omegas and alphas to use scent inhibitors to avoid distracting members of other genders, who could become distracted if the scent was either too unpleasant or too pleasant.
Betas could smell scents but couldn’t attract members of other genders because they didn’t have pheromones. Biologically speaking, Ayan could date other genders, but his sense of smell would always be attracted to the pheromones of omegas.
However, Ayan couldn’t stand them. Omegas. There were deep and serious reasons, and the smell they emitted was one of the more superficial ones. Sure, each scent was different, and some were even pleasant in theory, scents that Ayan would enjoy if they weren’t from omegas. But he didn’t like them.
The only scent that didn’t make him wrinkle his nose was Akk’s, proving once again that the inner alpha of the brunette had already chosen a life partner, even if that person didn’t accept him romantically.
Akk smelled like the summer when peaches bore fruit, and the peach blossoms bloomed, causing a fresh, sweet breeze to pass through the air. It wasn’t a hot summer where the texture of your clothes stuck to your body; it was a day at the beach, the gentle wind messing with your hair, while you ate your favorite fruit and soaked up the sun.
The beta had grown up in the coastal region of a neighboring town, so it made sense that this was the perfect scent for him and was imbued in every corner of the apartment.
It was amazing how Akk’s scent, even without the pheromones, still managed to attract Ayan like a little bird to a trap filled with birdseed.
He bathed in it, drowned in it, loved to bury his face in his neck when the taller one allowed, just to feel that scent. His deepest desire was for Akk to scenting him, so that Ayan could show that he belonged to Akk, as omegas and alphas did with their partners.
Sometimes, Ayan took advantage of the fact that betas couldn’t tell when they were marked with their partners’ scent, just to deliberately spread his pheromones on Akk. He would rub his wrist against Akk’s or where his scent gland would be if he wasn’t a beta, on the curve of his neck, just to leave his scent on him for days and push away anyone who tried to get close.
He received malicious looks from his friends, but honestly, he didn’t care. As long as they pretended to be innocent and didn’t comment on it to his best friend, it was fine.
“Well, did you satisfy your curiosity?” Akk asked, closing the door behind him. “On the left is the kitchen, at the end of the hall are the bathroom and the bedroom, I hang my clothes on the balcony like I used to do in my studio.” He explained, pointing to each area, standing next to his best friend.
“It’s more colorful than your old apartment, I like it, it’s more your style after the hell that was our high school,” Ayan commented, throwing himself onto a caramel beanbag. Akk responded while heading to the kitchen, raising his voice so he could be heard.
“The guys helped me choose the furniture, I picked the color of the walls, and Namo helped me paint,” he explained as he sat on the leather couch in front of the beanbag where Ayan was lying, handing him a glass of water. “There’s medicine in it to prevent a hangover, so it might be bitter.”
Ayan grimaced as he drank the contents of the glass.
“You and Namo became closer after I went to England…”
He handed the empty glass to Akk, who took it back to the kitchen while answering once again.
“Actually, no, he just kept following our group after school and we got used to it. But he’s going to a different university from mine and the guys’.”
“I think he’s really persistent, he doesn’t leave your side. I’m sure he likes you.”
Akk smiled, throwing his feet over Ayan’s legs, his elbow resting on the arm of the sofa, and his head doing the same on his hand.
“He only sees me as a role model, ever since he wanted to join the monitor club.”
Ayan held back the urge to roll his eyes. Akk was so oblivious in the romantic sense, it was no wonder he had never noticed the romantic feelings directed at him by the alpha.
“Sure, sure. He follows you around like a dog and is always near you, but doesn’t like you.”
“You follow me around like a dog too.” Akk poked him with his foot, which was only covered by socks, letting out a small laugh.
That’s exactly why I know he likes you, idiot!
“Sometimes you’re so stupid, Akk…” Ayan sighed, firmly holding the beta’s foot, looking him in the eye.
Akk held his gaze for a few seconds, but soon broke the contact, standing up quickly.
“I worked this afternoon and will again tomorrow, so we’d better go to sleep.”
Ayan got up behind Akk, following him to the bedroom door, but was stopped by a hand on his chest halfway, making him shiver slightly.
“What are you doing?” Akk asked, annoyed.
Ayan smiled innocently.
“Going to sleep. What else would I be doing?”
“Stay here, I’ll get a blanket and a pillow for you to sleep on the sofa.”
“Why? We always shared the same bed when we were younger.”
Ayan crossed his arms over his chest, his face forming a frown. The realization that they wouldn’t sleep in the same bed upset him deeply.
“We’re not teenagers anymore,” Akk explained in an obvious tone, gesturing with his hands.
Ayan’s face frowned even more.
“What the hell does that mean? We’re not teenagers, but we’re best friends.” He thought for a few seconds, suddenly smiling. “Unless you don’t want to sleep with me because you have malicious thoughts running through that beautiful little head of yours.”
He leaned his upper body slightly forward, his face getting closer to the beta’s.
Akk widened his eyes and pulled his plump, full lower lip between his teeth, making Ayan lose his train of thought for a few seconds, wanting to replace those teeth with his own as he pressed Akk against the wall and kissed him until they both forgot their names.
“This game doesn’t work on me anymore. You sleep on the sofa.” His voice was whispery, hoarse, and rough, sending a shiver up Ayan’s neck as he felt disgruntled at being relegated to the sofa.
Before he could complain, Akk had already entered the bedroom, closing the door in his face.
Ayan could only accept it and sit on the leather sofa, which he was sure would give him a nice backache the next morning.
Unfortunately, he didn’t even get to satisfy his curiosity and catch a glimpse of what Akk’s room looked like inside.
The older one soon returned with a blanket and pillow in hand, tossing them at Ayan.
He seemed torn between saying something or not, so Ayan said nothing, waiting for the beta to feel comfortable enough to express himself.
“Do you still have nightmares?” he asked, in a soft tone.
Ayan looked up at him from the sofa, while the other remained standing.
“Not as often as before. Why? If I say yes, will you let me sleep in your room?” he teased, trying to lighten the mood.
“You know I would.”
Ayan stared at him for a moment, before giving him a bright smile, his eyes looking like two cartoon doodles, so tiny.
“It’s okay, I drank a lot, so I’ll probably just pass out on the sofa once I lay down.” He responded in the same soft tone the other had used earlier.
Akk tilted his head to the side and raised his eyes until his pupils met his lashes, as he always did when he thought seriously about something.
“Okay. But if you wake up in the middle of the night, you can knock on my door. It’s always open for you.” he finished, looking at him with seriousness and assurance.
“I know.” Ayan nodded, knowing he should be giving the most pathetic loving look in the world to the man he loved so much.
His beta. His Akk. His best friend.
Before he could stop himself, his right hand reached for Akk’s left, entwining their fingers before placing a gentle kiss between the knuckles of the brown-haired one, breathing in the peach and summer scent of his skin for a few seconds.
He got the impression that Akk trembled slightly, but he could be wrong, because soon he pulled his hand away from Ayan’s touch, making him feel incomplete.
“Good night, Aye,” the melodious voice whispered, taking small steps toward the bedroom.
“Good night, Akk,” Ayan whispered to a body already distant, hearing the door close at the end of the hallway.
He lay down and covered himself, bringing the blanket up to his nose and sighing deeply.
The sweet fruity scent lingered, making Ayan completely intoxicated for a moment, even dizzy from the sudden feeling that rose in his chest.
He wanted to take that blanket home and make a nest with it, roll in it for days until the scent eventually faded and he was forced to return it.
However, he couldn’t do that, so he just hugged it tightly, feeling the odor dance in front of his nose in a soft ballet, lovingly rocking him to sleep in a melody full of love and longing.