Chapter Text
Taehyung opens the diary.
His fingers tremble as he hovers the pen over the crusty, beige page. This part of the day is always the most difficult for him, something he dreads to experience every night. Yet, Taehyung steels himself through it - just like he's been doing with life nowadays. Taking in a deep breath, Taehyung lets the first curve of his words stain the page.
June 10, 2025
Eun-ah,
I am starting to fall apart.
He lets his feelings flow after that, unafraid of coming out ‘too dark’ or ‘too hopeless’. Talking to his wife always was freeing, boundless - even if it had to be done through a diary now. Taehyung tells her (or it) about how the new cases are coming around, what new stores opened down the street or how Iseul learnt to speak yet another Korean word today. It was calming, as if Jieun was still around and the wide gap in his life was easy to fill by talking to his stupid red-coloured journal named after her.
Still, as soon as the diary was closed and the pen was securely put back into the stand, reality would knock at his doorstep once again, leaving Taehyung as a lonely widower left all by himself to fend for their three children.
‘It was unfair’, Taehyung thought.
It was so unfair of destiny to make him tell his twins that their mother was now far away at a better place when he himself refused to believe in any sort of afterlife. It was unfair, almost cruel, of his family to expect him to “hold onto his grief” and console his kids instead as if he was not the one who had just lost someone who promised him her lifetime. But worst of all, it was unfair of life to make him stop by milk banks every 2 days as a constant reminder of the cruel fate his youngest, Iseul, had to endure.
He could never blame Iseul for whatever happened at the operation theatre that day. How could he when every time he looks at the face of his 7-month-old daughter, he's reminded of how blessed he is to have received such a precious angel? So, no matter how much her face reminded Taehyung of his lost wife, he would force himself to instead focus on her giggles and blabbering to lessen the pain a bit. Her birth was something Jieun had prioritised over her own life and Taehyung was adamant on never letting any second of it go to waste.
(・ᴥ・) ☯ (・ᴥ・)
Jungkook trips on the doorway, embarrassment washing all over him when he feels all the eyes in the room fixed on him. He never wanted to be here in the first place, and this sudden attention, owing to his clumsiness, just made him want to turn his feet and run as far away as possible. And he would have, really, if not for a particular mole-faced man rushing by his side to help him up.
“Careful, the flooring is a bit messed up here.”
Jungkook looks down at his feet, noticing the edges of the wooden board popping out. He must have lost his balance on it.
“Are you new here?”
The question hangs in the air and another wave of red paint washes over Jungkook. He didn't even thank the man yet and the conversation was already flowing.
“Um, yeah. And thank you,” He takes a step back and gives a slight bow. “for helping me up.”
The man, extremely handsome Jungkook must admit, waves his hand in nonchalance. “It's all good. I have 3 kids who have tripping on every possible floor as their favorite hobby so I'm used to it.” He smiles and as if a sudden bulb goes off in his head, he extends his hand. “I am Taehyung by the way.”
Jungkook takes the hand in his grip and replies. “Jungkook. Thank you for helping me again. I would have been embarrassed throughout the session otherwise.”
Taehyung walks him to one of the empty chairs placed in a circle. “If it helps you anyhow, my first day here was with my 6-month-old daughter crying throughout the session.”
With Taehyung taking the seat right beside him, Jungkook looks much more clearly at the “mole-faced man” now. There was one under his right eye, one on the left cheekbone and one just at the tip of his nose. When his attention wanders down to the mole at the corner of his lips, Jungkook averts his eyes.
“You look too young to have 3 children.” Jungkook lets his curiosity speak. It was true; Taehyung looked no older than 25 and considering the times they were living in, it was still the age people started thinking about marriage, let alone having kids.
“Ahh,” Taehyung looked flustered if his hand picking on the loose threads of his slacks was anything to go by. “I got married young. 22, maybe? My grandfather wanted to sign a business deal with the family and he thought marriage was the best way to strengthen it all. So yeah, 3 children.”
Jungkook nods at him, but before he can reply, Suelgi, the moderator of the session, claps her hands to gather everyone's attention.
Jungkook doesn't speak throughout it.
(・ᴥ・) ☯ (・ᴥ・)
If Jungkook were to describe himself in one word he would go with reticence. Maybe even reserved if he were to put in boldly. Ever since he was a kid, Jungkook had problems opening up to people about his life. It felt weird to share any part of himself with his schoolmates. After all, what business did they have knowing how many people lived in his house or what kind of relationship he had with his parents?
He was the happiest at home, lounging in their living where he could simply be himself and share his thoughts openly with his family, someone who did have business knowing it all and were ready to genuinely help Jungkook.
Taehyung's openness and honesty on the very first day of meeting him at the support group was… off-putting. How, Jungkook couldn't digest, was the man so comfortable in sharing random information about his life with a total stranger? Jungkook had no idea what he was supposed to do with the information regarding when and why Taehyung got married. His favourite colour, favourite season, hometown and even his occupation - all this information was literally just sitting in his head and consuming extra space up there. Jungkook didn't like it a bit.
So, the next time Jungkook went to the session, he decided he would not ask any questions to prevent hoarding any extra information in his brain given by the man. Yes, he would do that.
“Hey,” Taehyung waves at him as soon as Jungkook enters the room, pointing at the empty chair beside him.
Jungkook walks towards it with leisured steps, not to look too eager. It's not like he was eager anyway. He was casual, totally.
“Good afternoon.” He finds himself greeting Taehyung before taking a seat. “You didn't have to save a seat for me.”
When Jungkook looked at Taehyung after hanging his sling bag on the chair, the man had offence dancing on his handsome face (You couldn't blame Jungkook for having eyes and appreciating beauty.)
“Rubbish! You're the only person here around my age. Of Course, I'd save you a seat so that I don't feel lonely.”
Jungkook smiles before looking at the door again, waiting for their moderator to come so that he can be done with this session as soon as possible. He hates being here, surrounded by each person grieving their loss at their own pace. Jungkook feels like he's intruding on something personal in their lives.
“Also,” He sighs when Taehyung speaks again but turns to look at him nonetheless. He was pulling something out of his bag. “I brought this.”
The this in question was a jewellery box barely the size of his phone. Jungkook furrows his brows.
“Haeun and Hajoon, my twins, gave it to me. They said I should use this for today's ‘show and tell’. That's what they call this whole exercise. They're too young to understand what we do here in the support groups and I'm glad for that. They'll soon forget Jieun and the grief of losing her will fade, too. They'll be happy then.”
Jungkook wants to ask who Jieun is but he already knows way too much than he should. He has no business knowing the names of all 3 of Taehyung's children, nor what Taehyung thinks about grief. He shouldn't even know Taehyung’s children are grieving something, to begin with.
Yet, Jungkook goes against his personality to do something he never expected he would. He places his hand on Taehyung's cold ones and passes him a small smile. “I hope your grief lessens with time, too, Taehyung.” He finds himself saying. “Each one of us deserves to live without having our griefs take up so much part of our heart.”
When Taehyung passes him a small, grateful smile, Jungkook realises he does not regret knowing about Taehyung's business as much.
What he does mind is sitting in this room and hearing about everyone else's lives and stories. They were supposed to bring an item of the loved one that they've lost and talk about it today. “An exercise to stimulate the good memories”, Seulgi had said.
‘Stupid’, Jungkook had thought when he had received the email. He was wrong earlier. He doesn't hate being here.
Jungkook despises it.
The collective grief from everyone reminds him way too much of his own, makes him put labels on the swirling emotions residing inside him and Jungkook feels nauseous from all that. He is doing fine. He is okay and he wishes he had a way to convince Yoongi on this so that the older could just stop pushing Jungkook into one support group after another. Jungkook does not need to express his grief to let go of it. He can very much do it by simply pretending that it doesn't exist in the first place, thank you.
“Jieun used to love this jewellery box.”
Jungkook snaps his head to the right way too fast, a silent hiss escaping his lips at the sudden strain. Taehyung had not spoken in the previous session and Jungkook had assumed he wouldn't today too. But now that Taehyung's fingers tremble slightly while clutching the said box, his eyes fixed on the floor, Jungkook puts the two and two together. He was participating in today's activity. With a heavy heart, Jungkook realises who ‘Jieun’ is to Taehyung.
"She used to keep Haeun and Hajoon’s handmade gifts in it,” Taehyung speaks again, now caressing the artificial gold engraving on the wooden box. “Ever since they were 3, they used to make paper jewellery for her on Mother’s Day, running around the house with threads to measure her wrist and asking her favourite colour of beads. It used to annoy me.” Taehyung chuckles. “I was never the most patient parent, you know? She was. She used to sit all quiet and watch them put one bead after another even if it took hours before they were satisfied with their designs. It fascinated me, how a human could hold herself on the string of patience so well. It was something I wanted to learn from her, something that balanced out my impulsive personality but…”
Taehyung fell silent after that, his eyes closed. From his seat, Jungkook could see the man's trembling lips and the traces of now concealed dark circles under his eyes.
Taking his silence at the end of his speech, Suelgi passes him some words of appreciation and moves on to the next member. Taehyung sends a grateful smile her way, and for the first time, Jungkook notices how old the man looks. He could make out the stress blemishes on his skin, and the hair colour was doing a terrible job of hiding the greying roots.
That day, Jungkook walks out of the session with a silent Taehyung by his side and a new, heavy feeling within his chest.
(・ᴥ・) ☯ (・ᴥ・)
Waking up on the wrong side of the bed was too soft of an idiom to describe what Jungkook felt while brushing his teeth. It was a Sunday, his day off, and yet Jungkook walked through the house feeling the shittiest he had felt in the past two months. It's been 4 years since the “incident”, and yet waking up to see 5th August 2025 as the date on his phone screen had the same shitty effect on him.
In the dire need to move out of his apartment for the day as soon as possible, Jungkook finds himself walking on a deserted street at 8 in the morning. The stores were still closed and all Jungkook found around him were groggy dogs and way too enthusiastic aged uncles going on a morning walk - none of which made him forget about the day any better.
So, opening the navigation app on his phone, Jungkook walks up to the nearest open eatery. It wasn't a grand place to begin with, just a local shop serving the most basic menu at affordable prices, so Jungkook expected to be a bit disappointed in whatever he orders. Not like he cared. Today, he just needed an escape even if it meant eating food cooked by Namjoon himself.
What he did not expect, however, was getting his name being called 10 seconds into entering the place. Jungkook closes his eyes, the last remaining positive energy draining out of him. Why can't he get one day to himself? Nevertheless, he turns around.
“Hey, Taehyung.” He smiles, trying his best not to sound or look annoyed.
“I knew it was you. I told them there's no one else who'd dress up like a runway model at the crack of dawn.”
The them in question were two kids, aged around 6, sitting shyly by the table, each holding way too much resemblance to the man in front of Jungkook.
“It's not the crack of dawn, Appa! It's 8 already.”
“Tometo Tomato, Haejoon.”
Too busy looking between the father-son duo, the sudden tug at his padded jacket comes as a surprise to Jungkook.
“Are you in college? Is it tough to get into college?”
It was odd, really, how quickly Jungkook felt his muscles losing their stiffness at the soft voice. For the first time since entering the eatery, Jungkook genuinely smiles and kneels down to get on the same level as the little girl - Haeun, if his brain remembers correctly.
“I'm not in college but I was once.”
Haeun sighs (and Jungkook hates himself for thinking how similar it is to Taehyung. He has no business knowing what Taehyung sounds like while sighing.)
“Can you help me get into college? I am in the top 5 of my class.” She puts up 5 fingers to emphasise the position. “Can you teach me college?”
“You don't study college, Hoho.” Taehyung picks her up, making Jungkook stand up too. “You study in college.”
“Tomato Tomato?”
“Hey!” Taehyung says in a mock offence. “Stop copying me. And no it's not Tometo Tomato.”
Jungkook chuckles. “You must be really intelligent to be in the top 5.” He goes ahead to fist bump with Haeun before looking at Taehyung. “And you need to stop arguing with your kids.”
Before Taehyung could defend himself, Haejoon rushes towards them from his seat.
“Appa told us you ride a bike. Is it true?”
“Hey! Jojo I was talking to him about college. Stop talking to people I talk to!” Haeun whines from Taehyung's arms.
“College is boring like you. Bikes are cool.”
Taehyung sighs when Haeun struggles in his hold to get down (most probably to hit her brother.) “Haejoon, what did I tell you about being mean to your sister?”
The nonchalance in his voice hits Jungkook with a wave of humour much harder than he expected and he ends up letting out a laugh before he could even realise.
“I'm sorry but…” Jungkook bites a laugh again. “Damn, you don't even sound strict while saying that.”
Taehyung offers him a glare in return. “Yeah, laugh all you want. You'll know when you have to repeat the same dialogue to your 6-year-old twins at least thrice each day.”
“Appa, he's making faces at me!”
“I'm not!”
“You are! Like a Joker.”
“Appa!” Haejoon yells. “She's calling me Joker!”
“Hoho, don't be mean to your bro—”
“But he's teasing me!”
“Haejoon, stop making fa—”
“I'm not! She's lying. She's an ugly liar with a broken tooth!”
“Kim Haejoon.”
“I am not ugly…”
Silence settles over them after that with Haejoon having a proud smile on his face and Taehyung looking at the boy with a disappointed look.
“You know, cool kids don't lie or tease their sisters.”
Haejoon quietens at that and looks at Jungkook, his eyes bright. “You know how to be cool?”
“I have a bike. Of course, I know how to be cool.” Jungkook had no intent of sounding cocky but his lips quirk into just that.
The younger boy runs up to him at that, jumping on his toes with excitement. “Can you teach me too? Please, please, please? I want to be cool and come on TV like Jimin Samchun.”
Jungkook kneels again but only to pick Haejoon in his arms and walk to the nearest table. “Hmm, let's see. Do you know the first rule of being cool?”
“Tattoos?”
Jungkook chuckles and shakes his head. “No no, that's not even a rule. The first rule is ‘no shouting.’ Cool kids are calm and don't shout while talking.”
“Oh.”
From the corner of his eyes, Jungkook could see Taehyung talking to Haeun with a soft smile, the girl nodding with an understanding expression. Something clenches inside Jungkook at the scene.
“You are very lucky to have a sister, Haejoon.” He looks back at the younger boy. “And if you want to be a cool kid, you should start by not being mean to her.”
“But she always fights with me.” The pout he pulls up is way too adorable for Jungkook to not coo at.
“And that is okay. It is okay to fight but you should always remember to not be mean to her while fighting. You can fight over toys or cartoons but you can never be mean to her or say anything bad about how she is. You can't hurt her. That's the secret to becoming a cool kid faster.”
Jungkook could see Haejoon debating with the possibilities. An unknown fear cripples his legs at the thought of him having said something wrong. He didn't know anything about them, anything about Haejoon's relationship with his sister so he had no right to give the younger boy a lesson on it.
Jungkook never considered himself to be a person with a big mouth. He said just as much was needed, sometimes even less. He remembers his parents going from being proud to worried at his behaviour over the years but, to Jungkook, it was peaceful. Safe.
He didn't know why he was doing everything opposite to his personality upon meeting Taehyung.
When Taehyung comes to sit at the table with a smiling Haeun after placing their breakfast order (a smoothie with pancakes for Jungkook which he had remembered from a past conversation which Jungkook doesn't even remember having), the fear grips his legs tighter. He had just meddled in Taehyung and his kids’ life without being asked and has most probably fucked something up with his talks. Taehyung is going to hate him for it.
But then again, since when did Jungkook start worrying about someone hating him, let alone a man he met no more than two months ago? What Taehyung thought of him should hold zero importance in his life then why is Jungkook gripping the edge of the table like his life depends on it? Why is he even sitting at the same table as Taehyung's family?
“I'm sorry, Haeun-ah.”
Jungkook snaps his eyes up at the soft voice and then turns to look at Taehyung who's sitting there with a surprised expression, eyes wide and hands still.
“I don't want to be mean to you. Jungkook hyung said it's no-cool and I'm not a no-cool boy.”
With his eyes still fixed on Taehyung, Jungkook observes a small smile take up the older’s lips. He whispers a silent ‘uncool’ under his breath as if to make a mental note to correct the boy later, and the gesture leaves Jungkook warm.
“It's okay.” Haeun looks up at Taehyung, and after getting a nod from him, she shifts to sit closer to her brother, engaging him in a conversation about the smoothie she ordered for him.
“It takes me at least 50 grey hair to get an apology out of him usually.” Taehyung looks at Jungkook. “Thank you for whatever you did or talked to with him.”
“He's a sweet kid. I just told him what my dad used to tell me.”
Taehyung nods and they go silent when the server comes to serve their breakfast. From his seat, Jungkook observes how Taehyung keeps an eye on both his kids but lets them eat on their own without nagging them too much about ‘eating habits’. When Haejoon ends up spilling the chocolate syrup on himself, Taehyung softly asks him how it happened before cleaning it with a napkin, asking the boy to be a bit more careful next time.
Watching Taehyung with his kids made Jungkook enter a new territory in the man's life. He was no longer a 'mole faced man' Jungkook met at the support group. Jungkook has met his family, has meddled in his family and the realisation was way too overwhelming for him.
When they exited the eatery that day around noon, Jungkook leaves with a promise to Haeun that he'll visit again and help her understand college studies. Taehyung's number sitting in his contacts didn't feel burdening anymore.
The date 5th August passes much more quickly than ever before in the last four years.
(・ᴥ・) ☯︎ (・ᴥ・)
While driving up to the older's house a week later, Jungkook questions ‘what the fuck he's even doing’. He got a text from Taehyung last night saying how Haejoon has been begging to get a Lesson 2 on how to be cool, and Jungkook just couldn't resist saying yes when the message got followed by a 32-second voice note filled with pleads from both the kids.
So here Jungkook was, clad in his most presentable set of clothes and waiting for Taehyung to open the door for him. When the door does get opened, however, Jungkook freezes.
“Oh thank god you're here. They would have made me bang my head if you were even a minute late.”
Taehyung was simply standing there, a beige apron tied around his torso and a baby (A LITERAL BABY) cradled under his arm. The background was a rush of screams coming from the twins and before Jungkook could react, he was dragged into the living room and made to sit between a mess of toys.
“Ho and Jo! 1 minute silence right now!”
The twins pout but zip up their mouths nonetheless, tiny fingers going to rest on their lips.
“Good. Now I need you both to be calm and let Jungkook eat something first, okay?” Taehyung smiles when the twins nod in unison. “That's like my babies. I called him because you were good for the whole week but I can send him back just as soon. Right, Jungkook?”
“Definitely.”
Haeun raises her hand, and Taehyung gestures for her to speak. “When can we play with him?”
“As soon as we're done having lunch. And as long as you both behave yourself without yelling or running around too much. Am I clear, cadets?”
“Aye Aye, Captain!” Rings around the living room, followed by an enthusiastic babble from Iseul who was still strapped to Taehyung.
Jungkook offers to hold her and follows Taehyung to the kitchen after the older sends both Haejoon and Haeun to play in their room.
“Your house is quite cosy.”
Taehyung chuckles. “Rest assured I have no hand in it. It was all Jieun. She was the one responsible for the interior designing of our apartment.”
Iseul pats Jungkook's chest to grab his attention and he makes a funny face at her before speaking again, afraid of skipping around the sensitive topic. “It must be tough parenting them alone.”
Taehyung places the food on the table before turning to him completely, smiling. “It is. But I'm getting used to it now. She knew how to be around them much better than me. It's not like I was an absent father but she just understood them better. Something to do with her certification in child psychology.”
“I'm sorry.”
Taehyung waves his hand at that and serves Jungkook his portion before taking a seat himself. “It's fine. Her leaving made me realise many things, you know. We got married so early that I never really got a chance to think about what being an adult would be without her. I still miss her a lot, but there are things I've come to accept which make it all a bit easier.”
“How long has it…”
“It's about to be 8 months. She passed away while giving birth to Iseul.”
Jungkook's heart stops at that. He couldn't imagine losing a partner at such a moment. He looks down at the now sleeping girl in his arms and an unfamiliar pain seethes through him. He pushes it away.
“I lost my family four years ago.” If Jungkook notices Taehyung being shocked at the sudden opening of this topic, then he does his best to ignore it.
2 months into the support group and Jungkook never dared to speak more than a few words in that room. There were sessions which he spent being completely silent and simply staring at the wall ahead. So, for him to suddenly open up about his own grief, it was new.
For Taehyung, though, it was overwhelming. All he had known Jungkook as was a man of few words and even fewer actions. For all Jungkook knew about Taehyung and his life, Taehyung didn't even know 5% of it when it came to Jungkook. So, to be trusted with his story, his grief, was much more meaningful to Taehyung than anything else.
“I'm a writer by profession and it was supposed to be my book launch that day. I told them not to come, that it was just a formal ceremony and I would hold one in our hometown too later that month but, god, they were always so stubborn. They boarded the flight but never reached to congratulate me on the launch. I got to know about it two days later when the airlines called me to confirm that I had lost all 4 members of my family in a crash. I didn't even know they were on that damn plane and I just—” Jungkook bites his lips, his eyes stinging with tears he hasn't had the courage to shed in a while.
“What I mean to say is, I get you and I get your grief. Taehyung, I'm sorry you got such less time to fully process it all, that you had to force yourself to accept everything so suddenly for your kids. It's been 4 years and I'm still grieving my parents and grandmother. I'm still thinking how it would have been to have my sister around.”
“Oh, Jungkook.” Taehyung rounds the table, and before Jungkook can process what's happening, a pair of arms wrap around him, his face getting buried in the soft cashmere sweater.
And all Jungkook thought was that he didn't, for once, mind sharing his thoughts with someone who had no business knowing it.