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It was snowing again.
Nick loved and hated the snow all at the same time. He thoroughly despised being cold. He hated the sharp ache that would sink down deep into the marrow of his bones and he had long ago lost count of the number of blankets and hoodies he had accumulated over the years. Anything to combat the cold, though he refused to even contemplate moving further south to warmer temperatures.
He just couldn’t bring himself to leave him behind. Even though-. Nick shook his head. Now was not the time to wander down that particular memory lane. Vash was so far out of Nick’s reach now that he may as well reside among the stars, even though a mere three hours separated them. An insurmountable distance that only grew with each day that continued to slip past without a word from the blonde who held his heart.
Vash had always loved the snow, so of course it stood to reason that Nick’s thoughts would immediately turn to memories of the blonde as the streets filled with snow; the storm raging fiercely outside. Even though Vash lived hours away now, Nick couldn’t seem to move on from the blonde, even though Vash had made it look easy to move on from him.
Nick sighed, reclining in the oversized armchair with his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he watched the heavy snow falling through the window, the glass fogging with his breath. The shop was dead today, the forecast keeping all sane people home. Every one of his appointments had canceled on him, and he honestly couldn’t blame any of them. This snowstorm was supposed to be a nasty one. He would have stayed home too if situations had been reversed. The street outside was eerily quiet, snow blanketing all sound and quickly making travel tricky. Nick was glad he had bought the little apartment directly above the shop when he had first purchased this little sliver of freedom in the middle of the block. Even he wouldn’t be stupid enough to drive Angelina in this weather and he was glad he wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch in the waiting area tonight. As comfortable as the furniture in the front room was, it wasn’t his bed.
On the one hand, the break in business was nice. Nick had been booked solid for the last several weeks, if not longer; an endless stream of clients keeping him abnormally busy during a historically slow time of year. As a rule, people usually weren’t quick to book tattoo appointments during the holidays, focused on spending their money on more important things. So while Nick was extremely thankful for the extra cash that filled his wallet, he was thoroughly confused as to the reason behind the sudden uptick in customer traffic.
But on the other hand… Nick sighed again. On the other hand, the sudden free time gave him more time to think. And as they usually did whenever he was gifted with a moment to himself, his thoughts always drifted to Vash. Even after all this time. It was damn near impossible for Nick to not think about the tall blonde on a near daily basis, when just about everything around him reminded him of the other man. And how pathetic was that? Twenty-seven years old and still pining for his best friend. Well, former best friend. He hadn’t seen the blonde in almost three years but the other man somehow still managed to command his thoughts.
The two of them had been best friends for as long as Nick could remember, practically glued to each other’s sides throughout their childhood years and all the way through until graduation. Practically everyone in December had known that where Nick was, Vash was sure to be close by and vice versa, even though no one could understand what the two of them could possibly have in common; a rich boy from a well to do family and an unwanted orphan from Hopeland.
Where Vash had been gorgeous, friendly and popular, Nick had been the opposite; the stereotypical angry teenager from a broken home with a mile wide chip on his shoulder. Nick was angry at the world, keeping everyone except Vash at arm's length. The blonde had been the only one capable of crawling over Nick's walls, mellowing his prickly attitude into something resembling fondness - but only where Vash was concerned. Vash commanded every room he was in without even trying and Nick had been content with simply being privileged enough to stand in his shadow. After all, the moon always followed the sun.
If Nick was at baseball practice, Vash was somewhere in the vicinity, either up in the bleachers working on chemistry homework or snapping random photos of the wildflowers that grew in the outfield while simultaneously giving Nick a heart attack anytime a ball was hit in the blonde's direction. If Vash was in the science labs, Nick was usually dozing on the table beside him or doodling in his ever-present sketchbook. The sketchbook had been a gift from Vash in their sophomore year as a way to stop Nick from drawing on the desks; and it had worked. Nick had cherished that sketchbook and had been devastated the day he ran out of fresh pages.
Everything had changed after graduation though. Vash had left for Julai University on a full academic scholarship and Nick had been accepted to the December Academy for the Arts, each of them off to pursue different passions. It was the first time in over a decade that the two of them had been apart for more than a day or two and it had torn Nick up inside even though he was sure Vash hadn’t even noticed his absence. For as long as Nick had known him, Vash had always been gifted with the ability to make friends at the drop of a hat, everyone gravitating towards him the way a sunflower follows the light of the sun. So Nick had been convinced that the blonde hadn’t even spared him a passing thought once he’d been out of sight.
In the ten years since they had gone their separate ways, Vash had only been back to December once to visit; right after graduation. He had not only graduated top of his class, but also several year's early; which hadn’t surprised Nick at all, and he was a professor at the University now. Something to do with biomechanical engineering. It had been hard to catch up on each other’s lives when time had already been so limited and Vash had kept glancing at his watch as though he had somewhere else he’d needed to be. When Nick had commented on it, Vash had jolted as though he’d been electrocuted but hadn’t volunteered any information as to why he was acting so jumpy. They had gone their separate ways not long after that.
After that, they rarely kept in touch; drifting away as people tended to do when life moved them in different directions.
Hell, it had been months since the last text Vash had even sent him. The message had been so out of the blue that Nick had stared at the name across the top of his screen in mild shock for several moments before he’d been able to gather his thoughts enough to even respond.
Nick had never held it against Vash. For all his genius, the blonde was flightier than a flock of birds. And for his part, Nick was just as bad - if not worse - at reaching out, though quite possibly for different reasons. Nick hated feeling like an inconvenience to the people around him, and texting first would have seemed too desperate after their disastrous reunion. But, damn if he didn’t still miss his former best friend.
After graduation, Nick had worked as an apprentice for Neon Dynamite, an eccentric - though award-winning - tattoo artist over in Octovern. He had apprenticed for two years before earning his permanent license, opening up his own shop roughly four years ago. Nick had quickly made friends with Meryl and Milly, the married couple who owned the flower shop next door to him. And he was friendly enough with Old Man Roberto who owned the bar across the street that he frequented on the weekends. But they weren’t Vash. There were no inside jokes, or late night movie marathons. Nick didn’t have a cabinet in his kitchen strictly devoted to the obscene number of sweets that had been required to keep Vash happy during their middle of the week cram sessions.
Nick shook his head to clear his thoughts, pulling himself away from the window and making his way over to the coffee maker. He might as well get some deep cleaning done since he didn’t have anything else going on today. Maybe he would work on some new flash designs to start off the new year. Christmas was right around the corner and he had sold a surprising number of gift certificates so he knew that he was bound to be busy again in the weeks following the holiday. He plugged his phone into the speaker he kept on the front desk and fruitlessly tried to drown out thoughts of Vash. It never did him any good to wander down memory lane. All it did was make him want a drink, and unfortunately with the weather the way it was, Roberto’s bar had closed early.
Besides, it wasn’t like the blonde was going to suddenly show up on his doorstep. His luck had never worked that way. Only an idiot would be out in this weather anyway. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind, then the bell above the door chimed as it was forcibly shoved open. Nick turned at the sound, a frown on his face that quickly morphed into surprised shock as recognition flooded through him. A gust of wind and a small whirlwind of snow blew in right before the newcomer slammed the door shut and turned to face him, their breathing ragged and harsh. Nick felt his breath catch in his lungs.
There was no way.
“Vash?”
No response. Vash simply stood just inside the door staring at Nick like he’d seen a ghost on his way here, his hair damp and falling into his eyes as his red coat dripped water on the hardwood. Nick’s gaze traveled over the blonde’s features as though his eyes were playing tricks on him, almost afraid to move in case he disturbed the mirage in front of him. It was Vash alright, but in a way Nick had never seen him before. A dark bruise covered the left side of his face and he was hunched over on himself as though he were attempting to take up less space, his left arm wrapped protectively around his stomach. There were deep circles under his once vibrant blue eyes, now dulled with a sadness that Nick had never once seen on him in all the years he’d known the other man. He swayed slightly on his feet and Nick was moving before he knew it.
He was at Vash’s side in an instant, reaching out to steady the other man. He was startled when Vash flinched away from his touch, though that quickly gave way to an ugly rage when Nick finally put the pieces together and formed a picture that had him seeing red. His emotions must have shown on his face because Vash whimpered and cowered away from him slightly, turning his face to the side as though bracing for a blow that would never come.
Nick was stunned. He would sooner sever his own arm than to ever raise a hand in anger against the man in front of him. Although it was obvious that someone else hadn’t felt the same way, judging by the bruises on his face and the necklace of darkening marks around his pale neck. Nick dropped his arms to his sides, forcing himself not to clench his fists for fear of scaring Vash even more. He tried to shift himself slowly back into Vash’s line of sight.
“Hey. Blondie. Come on. I’m not gonna hurt you. You gotta know that. Vash.” he tried to keep his voice low and soothing. No sudden moves and no loud noises. “Can you look at me, Vash? Please? You don’t have to tell me what happened if you don’t want to, but will you at least let me look you over? I don’t have to touch you.”
Vash finally met his eyes, his gaze hesitant as if the mere eye contact was too much. Nick smiled softly. “There you are, Blondie. I got you. Let’s get you warmed up, hmm? I’m just going to reach behind you and lock the door, yeah? No one else should be coming around in this storm, so it’s just you and I, alright? You are so safe here, Vash.”
Nick knew he was rambling but it was hopefully something for Vash to focus on other than whatever it was that had happened to him before he had found his way back to Nick. Moving slowly, Nick stepped around Vash and flipped the deadbolt on the door, his eyes scanning the street for threats even though he wasn’t sure what he should even be looking for.
Vash had shifted to the side slightly, his eyes never leaving Nick’s face. He could feel the other man’s gaze burning into him as though Vash was trying to discern if Nick was another threat or not. The realization broke Nick’s heart; the thought that Vash might be scared of him. He wanted to scream in frustration but forced another soft smile to his face instead. He was rewarded when Vash visibly relaxed, dropping his shoulders and breathing out a shuddering breath as though it was the first time he’d been able to breathe easy since this whole ordeal started.
Nick turned towards the back of the shop, intending to grab Vash a change of clothes. “Are you able to take your coat off? The door is locked and it’s just you and I now. I’m just going to run upstairs and grab you a dry set of clothes to change into. I’ll only be gone a minute so you can make yourself comfortable until I get-!” His words died in his throat and he froze when Vash reached out and grabbed his sleeve frantically. Looking back over his shoulder, he could see the spike of fear that was suddenly in Vash’s eyes. Nick could feel the slight tremor in Vash’s hand where he gripped his shirt as though it were a lifeline.
“Vash? Baby, what’s going on?” The term of endearment slipped out before he could stop it but Vash failed to react to it so Nick breathed a quiet sigh of relief. “My apartment is right upstairs. I’m not leaving you, okay?”
“N-Nico?” The way Vash had always said his name never failed to set off the butterflies in his stomach, but this time there was a sick feeling in his gut when that one word held so much trepidation and uncertainty. He slowly turned back to face Vash again and silently mourned when Vash’s hand fell away from his sleeve.
“I’m here, Blondie. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here as long as you need or want me to be, but we gotta get you into something dry and warm. Okay? You’re shaking like a leaf.” Vash clearly didn’t want to be alone and Nick certainly couldn’t blame him.
“How about you come up with me? I’ll let you rifle through my hoodies for one you like. I might even still have that ratty old red one that you used to love stealing.” He knew he was rambling again but it helped calm his nerves even if it didn’t help Vash. Nick knew for a fact he still had that hoodie. It had been Vash’s favorite and seeing him in it had always brought a warm feeling to his chest. There’d been no way he could have parted with it, no matter how tattered it had become over the years.
He didn’t realize how tense he was until Vash nodded and shuffled closer, obviously reluctant to be away from him which suited Nick just fine. He wasn’t keen on letting the blonde out of his sight either. They made their way slowly up the stairs at the back of the shop, reaching the upper floor with no issues despite how slowly Vash was moving.
Once they were inside, Nick made a beeline for his closet, grabbing his red hoodie and a pair of baggy black sweatpants that would fit the blonde without being too restricting. Nick wasn’t sure what other injuries Vash was hiding but he would be damned if he caused the other man any more pain.
When he returned to the living room where he had left Vash, Nick found him looking around the space curiously. The small studio didn’t have a lot in the way of furniture but it was cozy and it was his. That was all that mattered. Though Nick wished for a split second that he had made the bed this morning before he’d started his day. He glanced over at Vash to gauge his reaction to the quaint space and immediately relaxed.
A small smile sat on his pretty lips as his gaze took in the various framed drawings that covered the walls of the apartment. He watched Vash’s eyes widen when they landed on the one drawing that didn’t match the style of the others.
It was a badly crumpled drawing of geraniums that Vash had drawn during their one and only art class together. Nick had taken an advanced art class their senior year of high school and Vash had signed up right alongside him even though the blonde could barely draw a circle without it turning into an oval. When Nick had questioned him about it, Vash had smiled softly, shrugged and given him some excuse about needing another elective to round out his courses for the semester and Nick had let it slide with nothing more than a raised eyebrow.
Despite his obvious lack of artistic skill, Vash had taken the course extremely seriously. Throughout the semester, Nick would often find him bent over a sketchbook of his own, his tongue between his teeth with a look of complete concentration on his face as he attempted to recreate whatever it was Nick had drawn during the previous class. With very mixed results.
The geraniums had been Nick’s pick to draw during their Nature section, knowing they were Vash’s favorite flower. He couldn’t remember another time when he had put as much heart and soul into a drawing as he had with that particular assignment. He had received top marks for that piece. Vash had been beside himself, gushing over how stunning the picture was, as though it was something more impressive than just strokes of charcoal.
Vash had tried his hardest to recreate the image, spending hours sketching and erasing; his frustration evident when he couldn’t make the charcoal do what he wanted. Nick had been stunned when - in a rare fit of anger - Vash had crumpled the drawing up and thrown it in the trash before storming out. It was the only time Nick had seen him give up trying to figure out how to do something.
He had pulled it from the trash the moment Vash had stomped from the room, smoothing the paper with reverent fingers before sliding it between the pages of his own sketchbook and slipping it into his bag. Vash had been none the wiser.
It had hung in his apartment ever since, while the one he had drawn was stuck between the pages of a book somewhere in the apartment.
“You kept it?”
“I…” There was no use denying it, no matter how much it might give him away. “Yeah. I did. It was a good piece. You never gave yourself enough credit, Blondie.” He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “Here. Bathroom is just down the hall. Go get out of those clothes and I’ll put them in the laundry.”
Vash took the clothes from Nick with an indiscernible look on his face, glancing towards the hallway and then back at Nick. “I’m still going to be here when you get back. Right over there.“ He pointed to the small kitchenette. “I’m going to start on dinner. You hungry?”
Vash perked up slightly at the mention of food. He had always enjoyed Nick's cooking. Then he suddenly seemed to remember himself and deflated slightly, looking at the floor. “Don’t put yourself out just for me, Nick. I’m a horrible friend. I ghost you for months on end, show up unannounced on your doorstep with my problems and you’re still nice enough to let me in. I’m sorry to do this to you, Nick.”
Nick frowned. Huh uh. He wasn’t letting Vash do this to himself after everything he’d clearly already been through.
“Don’t start with that bullshit, Blondie. You aren’t a horrible friend. You couldn’t be horrible if you tried. Life happens. I didn’t expect you to keep in constant contact. I didn’t reach out either, did I? Do you remember what I told you before you went off to University?”
“‘If you ever need me, you know where to find me. I expect you to find me.’” Vash whispered the words, never looking up from the floor.
“Damn right! And look at you! You actually listened. I’m proud of you, Needle Noggin.” Vash blushed at that. “Go change. I’m making spaghetti.” That finally got Vash to look up from admiring the carpet. The only thing Vash liked more than Nick’s spaghetti, was homemade donuts; and Nick was fresh out of those.
“With meatballs?” His voice was small and hesitant but at least there was a hint of a sparkle back in his beautiful eyes.
“Well, duh. What kind of monster eats spaghetti without meatballs?” Vash giggled at that and Nick mentally patted himself on the back. Vash threw a soft smile at him before he turned and disappeared down the hall. Nick heard the door click closed softly and he let out a deep breath. Someone had roughed Vash up pretty badly and the blonde had thought to run to Nick first. He tried not to dwell on what might have happened and instead turned his attention to starting dinner. Vash had looked like a stiff breeze would blow him away so whatever had been going on had caused his eating disorder to rear its ugly head again and he doubted anyone else around him had even noticed.
Nick had never known what had happened to plant the notion in the blonde's head, but Vash had always struggled with feeling like he didn't deserve to eat. Like he shouldn't even be allowed the barest necessities of survival.
But despite that, he had never turned down Nick's cooking. So Nick had made it his responsibility to keep Vash fed and healthy. Clearly, the last several years had not been good to him.
If Vash would let him, Nick would like the chance to change that.
Nick worked quietly to prepare dinner, taking care to season the meatballs in exactly the way Vash liked them. He was so engrossed in his task that, at first, he failed to notice that Vash had reentered the room, now in fresh, dry clothes. Nick startled slightly when the blonde slid quietly up beside him to glance over his shoulder at the food simmering away on the stove. Nick watched Vash sniff the air slightly, his eyes slipping closed for a moment before locking on Nick’s.
Nick, for his part, couldn’t have looked away if he’d been forced to. Vash had always been beautiful. Even after the accident their freshman year that had taken his arm and left him with deep scars over most of his body, he was gorgeous. Nick hadn’t left his side through a single step of his grueling recovery.
“It smells amazing, Nick! Can I help with anything?” Vash’s breath against the side of his face and neck was enough to send a shiver down Nick’s spine and he fought to control his reaction to having Vash this close.
“You can give me some space, Blondie. It’s not gonna cook any faster with you hovering. Why don’t you grab a couple plates out of that cabinet and set the table. Silverware is in the drawer to the left of the sink.” Thankfully, Vash complied without complaint and Nick was able to finish dinner in relative peace. The gentle sounds of dishes clinking filled the air with a quiet domesticity that Nick didn’t know he craved until now. To have Vash in his space like this all the time? He would consider himself the luckiest bastard in the world.
Before too long, their food was plated and both men sank down at the small kitchen table with a sigh before tucking in to their respective plates. Nick watched Vash covertly from the corner of his eye, making sure that the blonde actually put food in his stomach. To his pleasure, Vash polished off his plate and even went back for a second helping.
They finished eating in silence, and cleaned up the kitchen side by side with a familiarity that should have faded in the years they had been apart. Once the kitchen was clean and the leftovers were in the fridge, Nick grabbed two beers and made his way into the living room, knowing Vash would follow. The two men sank down on opposite ends of the couch, Nick with his feet kicked up on the coffee table and Vash with his feet tucked up under himself on the couch. Nick dragged the blanket off the back of the couch and tossed it over Vash’s lap, trying to ignore the soft, affectionate smile he received as Vash arranged the plush throw over his lap. Vash may like the snow, but he was no more a fan of being cold then Nick was.
They sat in silence for a few moments, sipping their beers before Nick finally broke the silence. “Wanna tell me what happened?” His voice was quiet and as non-threatening as he could make it. If Vash didn’t want to talk about it, Nick wasn’t going to force him but he definitely wanted to know what he could do to help in this situation.
For a second, Nick didn’t think Vash was going to answer him. He stared down at the bottle in his hand, prosthetic fingers picking at the label. Nick used the time to observe the man across from him. The red hoodie was baggier than it had been the last time he’d seen Vash in it and he tried not to frown. Vash didn’t need to be made to feel guilty over things that were clearly not his fault. Finally Vash sighed, moving to set his bottle on the coffee table before resuming his curled up position in the corner of the couch.
“My boyfriend - well; my ex now, I suppose. We got in a fight this afternoon and-.” Vash choked on a sob, covering his mouth with his flesh hand to try and stifle the sound. His fingers trembled almost violently and Nick wanted to reach out to the blonde desperately but he somehow managed to restrain himself. “It was a stupid fight. We disagreed on where we were going to spend Christmas, of all things. He wanted to go visit his family in May City and I wanted to come back to December.” Vash let out a small, sad laugh, turning to face Nick. “He hated that idea. He’d been trying to tell me for years that there was nothing left for me here. My brother lives here, for crying out loud. You live here. But then I figured out what it really was. He didn’t want me coming back to see you. He was always saying I talked about you too much. That’s why I only came home that one time. He- he wouldn’t let me. He tried to forbid me from coming for Christmas, and I finally put my foot down. I was tired of him treating me like a doormat. You know I don’t like confrontation, Nico.” Nick only nodded to show he was listening even though his head was spinning from everything he had heard. Vash’s ex was jealous of him? “I told him I was going to come back here for Christmas whether he liked it or not and he snapped. And well, you can see how that turned out.” He gestured towards his face with a grimace. “I don’t remember much after he started hitting me. I know I blacked out though. When I woke up again, he was gone. Nico, I was so relieved that he was gone. He’s been emotionally abusive and manipulative for years; but this was the first time he’s gotten physically violent.” He fought another sob, taking a deep breath to steady himself again. “I grabbed my wallet and the cash I had stashed in the bedroom and I just left. I didn’t know where I was going to go, I just got on the next bus leaving Julai. When I saw the sign for December, I cried. I knew then that everything was going to be okay if I could just get to you. But the storm hit right as we were pulling into the depot and I-. I didn’t know what I was going to do if I couldn’t get to you.”
Nick’s mind was reeling. Vash’s brother - his twin - lives in December and still Vash came to him first. He was honored and humbled by that even though a small part of him whispered that he shouldn’t be. Rationally, he knew that if Vash had gone to Nai first, people probably would have died - and Vash more than likely knew that. There was nothing that Nai took more seriously than his brother’s safety. And Nai had the clout to make people disappear for something as simple as getting his coffee wrong. He suppressed a shiver, eternally grateful that Vash’s brother had instinctively known that he’d never needed to worry about the blonde’s safety when Nick was around.
Nick cleared his throat around the emotion that was threatening to choke him, looking around the apartment in an attempt to keep from staring too hard at Vash and giving himself away. He was sure that the blonde would be able to pick his thoughts right off his face. He’d never been as good at hiding from Vash as he’d always wished he was. “Well, I’m glad you’re here, Vash. For what it’s worth… I’m- I’m sorry your ex is a piece of shit, but you’re gonna be safe now, okay? You are welcome to stay as long as you like.”
He startled when Vash shifted, his eyes flying to the blonde when he abandoned his curled up position on the farthest end of the couch in favor of laying his head down in Nick’s lap. Despite his surprise, Nick grabbed the blanket without thought and arranged it around Vash’s shoulders, tucking it around him slightly as though it were the most natural thing in the world, careful to keep his touch feather-light. Vash sighed in contentment, burrowing further into the little blanket cocoon that Nick had constructed until just his blonde spikes were visible outside the plush comfort of the throw. Nick smiled down at the top of Vash’s head, hopelessly endeared by the overgrown child now occupying his lap along with every tiny crevice of space in his heart and mind.
Nick decided that he would gladly wile away the rest of his day this way, with Vash tucked safely against his side while he kept watch over him. Providing for Vash had always put a warm feeling deep inside Nick’s chest. Be it in the form of food, shelter, or companionship; Nick knew he would gladly give the man in his lap anything he desired.
After a brief hesitation, Nick brought his hand up to gently thread his fingers through Vash’s hair, praying he didn’t startle him. The answering hum from under the blanket was all the consent he needed to keep playing with the baby fine strands of blonde, fascinated by the way they filtered through his fingers, stark against his dark skin. When he scratched his nails lightly against Vash’s scalp, the blonde shivered and practically melted further into the cushions, his body going limp with contentment.
Nick was reminded of their years growing up together when late night study sessions would end in much the same way and he knew from past experience that Vash was close to dropping off into sleep. Nick was determined to let him nap for as long as he was able. They could talk more about Vash’s plans when he was feeling more rested. The bags under the blonde’s eyes when he had first shown up on Nick’s doorstep had been deep, evidence of many sleepless nights.
“Nico?” Vash’s sleepy voice broke through his thoughts and his fingers stilled their movements. He hummed quietly to let Vash know he was listening, glancing down at the lumpy Vash-shaped burrito in his lap. “You called me ‘Baby’ earlier.”
Nick’s heart stopped. Shit. Vash shifted under the blanket, rolling onto his back to look up at Nick with sleepy, half-lidded eyes. Nick couldn’t do anything but stare down at the man in his lap with a look of horror clearly visible on his face. He was sure Vash could see it. The blonde wasn’t actually an idiot. He opened and closed his mouth, attempting and failing to find words to defend himself, but his brain had gone completely offline with Vash’s observation.
Before Nick could make his voice work again, Vash continued in a quiet whisper, “I didn’t mind it…” Nick blinked stupidly down at the other man. The blush that sat high on Vash’s cheeks was one of the prettiest sights Nick had ever seen even though he couldn’t fully admire it through the haze of his existential crisis.
He must have been silent for too long because Vash made a distressed noise and tried to shove himself up and off Nick’s lap. That finally spurred Nick into action, grabbing Vash’s arm before he could retreat fully back to the far end of the couch. He whimpered and Nick immediately released him, afraid he had inadvertently hurt the other man. Vash turned to face him, his feet tucked under him again but within arm’s reach this time.
The two men stared at each other warily for what felt like eternity before Nick finally found the courage to address the rather large elephant that was suddenly in the room and making itself at home on his chest.
“Vash. I am so sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I said that. It just slipped out. You were hurt and I don’t know… I guess I was trying to comfort you. It didn’t mean anything, so let’s just forget it happened, yeah?” Nick prayed that Vash would believe him even though his heart felt like it was shattering with the lie. It had meant everything to him; it had held every deep-seated longing that he had carried in his heart for longer than he could remember. But it was clearly bothering Vash so it was up to Nick to put his feelings back in the box he normally kept them tightly locked in and assure his… friend that it hadn’t held every hint of a dream he had ever had.
“It didn’t mean anything…?” Vash gave him a look that would have had him tearing his own tongue out in any other situation. Vash looked so hurt and was struggling valiantly to hide it, even though he’d never been good at it. Not with Nick.
Nick opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, but knowing he needed to say something . Vash interrupted him quickly before he could form a thought. “What if I wanted it to mean something?” He shuffled forward on his knees, pushing a little further into Nick’s space; and Nick, for his part, tried to pretend he was unaffected even though it was impossible for him to even draw a single breath with how close the other man was.
“Do you?” Nick cleared his throat. “Want it to mean something, I mean?” He felt cornered, not unlike a rabbit in a snare. The hold Vash had on him should have been embarrassing but all Nick felt was lightheaded, like he was standing on the edge of a chasm and only Vash would be able to catch him if - when - he fell.
Vash huffed a small laugh, looking down at his lap. “I think I have wanted it to mean something since we were kids. But then things happened… You started dating that one girl the summer after graduation and so, of course, I just assumed that you couldn’t possibly have feelings for me if you liked girls. With everything else we ever shared, it's wild that our preferences were never one of them. How crazy is that? God, I’ve told you things I’ve never even told Nai! ” he laughed quietly. “Besides, you were the broody, goth art kid and I was the straight A book nerd. Even when I tried so hard to do the art thing like you did that year!” He stopped to glance at the crumpled drawing that holds the place of honor among the rest of Nick’s sketches, finally allowing Nick to take a breath. What was happening? How was this suddenly his life? Vash glanced back at him with a half smile, soft and sad by turns. “But I was so bad at it! I just wanted you to notice me! But like, not in a best friend way…” He was rambling. Nick knew he was rambling. Hell, Vash probably knew he was rambling. But there was no way Nick was willing to risk stopping the runaway train of Vash’s thoughts when he was finally saying everything Nick had dreamt of for years.
Nick was half convinced he'd fallen asleep at some point and he would wake up to gind this was all a dream.
“And then I left for University. I wanted to ask you to come with me, to beg if I’d had to; but I knew that you would have hated living in Julai. It’s loud and crowded and you wouldn’t have been happy there. Your roots are here and you seem really happy now. I’ve kept up with your work, and your shop. I knew you were going to be great! I’m always sharing your social media posts! You’ve got quite the fan base at the University now, you know! My students are always talking about their plans to come get tattoos from you. And the ones who do can't wait to show me once theyre back! I’m so proud of you, Nico!”
Vash was proud of him? With everything that Vash had accomplished, he was proud of Nick? And he had… a fan base? Because of Vash.
“Vash, I-.”
“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just needed you to know. You’re so important to me and I hate how far we drifted after I left. That’s no one’s fault but my own, I know. You’re still my best friend. I still want to share my life with you, in whatever way you will have me. If you don’t think your girlfriend will mind.” Vash finally stopped talking and Nick took a deep breath to steady his nerves.
“Elendira broke up with me a week after you left for Julai. She’s dating your brother now.” A beat of silence passed before Vash shrieked.
“She’s WHAT?” Vash blinked. "Wait. Nai is straight?!"
Nick threw his head back and laughed. The look on Vash’s face was priceless. “Well, I don't know if anyone would accuse your brother of being straight but, yeah. I always had suspicions that he was secretly an interdimensional being from space." Vash laughed again and Nick figured that it was worth sacrificing a little of Nai's icy dignity. "Who would have thought that the popular blonde cheerleader would have preferred the popular blonde rich boy to the poor emo orphan?” Nick had long since made his peace with his upbringing, so his words carried no malice or resentment. He shrugged. “I wasn’t that heartbroken over it. They’re happy and I realized a long time ago that girls just aren’t really my speed.”
“So…” Nick raised his eyebrow in Vash’s direction when the blonde couldn’t finish his thought. The blush was back on his pale cheeks and he refused to meet Nick’s eyes. “You like guys, then?”
“Nah.” Nick smirked. “Not ‘guys’. I’ve only ever had eyes for one. But he’s just as big of an idiot as I am, apparently.” Vash looked at him finally, frowning as he tried to make sense of what the other man was saying. Nick sighed. Brilliant but dumb. He’d have to spell it out.
“It’s you, Blondie. It’s always been you. For as long as I can remember.” In a moment of boldness, Nick reached out for Vash, yanking the lanky blonde into his lap. Vash yelped before settling, snuggling closer to Nick until their noses almost brushed.
“Yeah?” Vash breathed the word on a sigh, already breathless. The sound made Nick’s heart stutter. God, he was too perfect. He smiled up at Vash, his heart on display for the man in his arms to see.
“Yeah. You’re it for me, Vash. Always have been. I don’t know where we’re going to go from here but from the looks of the snow outside, we have a few days to figure it out. What do you say? Wanna give us a chance, pretty boy?”
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Nico.” He pressed his lips against Nick’s in a too quick kiss that still managed to make his head spin. “I want every tomorrow you’re willing to give me.”
“I think I can work with that.”