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“No, I promise you that Jen is going to bring her own food, so we have no reason to provide for her!”
“But the nice thing to do is have at least one vegan option, Agatha!” Billy protested, matching Agatha’s volume and sass.
The whole coven was coming over to Agatha’s for a night of getting to know each other (disgusting) from Billy’s tireless insistence. Completely ignoring that Agatha already very well knew them perfectly: The Worst Vegetable, hot legacy disappointment, flat burnout and Agatha’s wife- Death. What more was there to know!
“We should just cancel this thing. What more do I need to learn about them? Which avengers they most want to fuck?” She spat, full vitriol meant, the boy could handle it. In fact, he seemed alight, his eyes twinkling with something that most definitely was not there a second ago-
“Oh, my goddess!” He gasped, gayly, “I have an idea.” Eyeing him up and down, Agatha nodded for him to continue.
“We should do a hear me out cake.”
“Teen, do not press your ear against a cake,”
“That’s not what- huh? Agatha a hear me out cake is where everyone has pictures of things they find attractive but they’re not like, conventionally attractive. What you’re saying is ‘hear me out, this is attractive’” There was such enthusiasm and excitement in the teen’s explanation, one would think his eyeliner and dark clothing would transform into something a six-year-old would colour.
“Uh-huh. So basically, what I said about the avengers?”
“Sure, Agatha.”
Hours later, the coven had reluctantly arrived at the house and were now mingling. Jen, Lilia and Billy were seated at the dining table with Lilia telling a story of her time on Broadway, much to Billy’s delight. Rio was slumped in a purple armchair over by the fireplace, twirling her dagger with no clear expression on her face while Alice leaned over from the sofa and asked her questions about her job. Gross.
“Okay,” Agatha clapped her hands obnoxiously, “time’s up for all this. Let’s do Billy’s hearing cake!”
“It’s ‘hear me out’ and it’s not that hard to remember.” Billy let out a groan but still ran to his bag to retrieve his pictures. Everyone moved to circle around the bench that had a decadent (definitely not vegan, Agatha ensured) chocolate cake set out next to a smaller orange and poppyseed cake that Jen had brought for herself.
Alice piped up, “okay Billy, you go first since this was your idea.” Agatha swore his enthusiastic nodding could be considered copyright of bobbleheads. Dramatically, he pulled out a toothpick with a picture attached and stabbed it into the back of the cake.
“Hear me out- the hulk.” Agatha cringed at the photo; she never understood the appeal to strong men. Or men. Green, on the other hand? Different story.
“Yes, yes I see that.” Lilia had leaned in to examine the photo, glasses perched on her nose with the seriousness of a librarian declaring a book overdue. “Thank you for the input, Lilia!”
“Me next.” Rio pushed through the witches and stabbed a toothpick in with a practiced force before stepping back. “Hear me out…?” Billy prompted.
“Rio, that’s just a picture of me! I’m not a hear me out!” Agatha huffed with annoyance in her breath, though she did feel a warm tug in her chest at her wife’s clear adoration.
Jen let out a loud laugh, “I disagree. Great hear me out, Rio!”
“Watch it, Kale.” Rio growled, unsheathing her dagger.
“Down, boy,” Agatha swatted at Rio’s shoulder before turning to Jen, “best not to antagonise her- she bites!”
Jen rolled her eyes but stepped closer to the cake anyway, “hear me out- Princess Diana.”
“That one mortal woman? She’s objectively attractive!”
“Yeah, but she’s still a mortal.”
“Hey, every witch’s preference is her own! My turn,” Lilia spoke excitedly and pushed past Jen with a strength unexpected of her, “now, I don’t have a picture because he died a long time ago, but hear me out- Salvatore Russo!”
Jen’s face curled up in confusion as Billy made a hum of confusion because nobody had any idea who this man was.
“Uh… are we supposed to choose people that everyone knows?”
“I mean Lilia’s got 400 years on me so I think it’s fair that she can choose anyone. Was he conventionally attractive, Lilia?”
“Oh, absolutely not, Teen.”
Everyone continued taking turns sticking their choices in: Billy put some cat thing from an ice movie on (Danny? Digger?), Alice put some of her own questionable movie choices on (Billy was the only one who recognised them), Rio just kept putting Agatha from different eras of her life, claiming she’s never wanted anybody else (romantic or overbearing?). Now Agatha’s turn, she pushed another little toothpick into the cake, feeling some moth flutters in her stomach with the knowledge that there would definitely be an uprising at this choice.
“Hear me out- Wanda Maximoff. Or The Scarlet Witch. Both iterations work!”
“THAT’S MY MOM? WHY DID YOU CHOOSE MY MOM!?”
“Oh, come on she’s incredibly attractive! She’s only a hear me out for all the… dramatics and whatnot.” She retorted defiantly before smirking, “I thought she wasn’t your mom, huh?”
“Wanda? Really? I knew you were flirting with her in that damn show.” Rio whined petulantly.
“Okay we were absolutely not together at that time, love. And get over it, that was years ago!” Agatha thought for a moment, then decided to slam another toothpick in.
“Here! If it’ll cheer you up, hear me out- Rio in death form! I’d even be into full skeleton!” That was followed by multiple gags and ‘disgusting’s (mostly from Jen). Alice, however, hummed in agreement, “yeah, I get that.”
“Aw, babe, really? You’d like my skeleton?” Rio was very quickly smiling again.
“All ten fingers. Bones and all.”
“You guys are actually my worst nightmare. I don’t know why I agreed to this.”
“Wait, Jen,” Alice took out a toothpick and pushed it into the cake. Attached to it was a photo of Jen herself.
“Aw, no way!” Jen then also took out a photo of herself.
“Seriously?”
“Hell yeah!” She glanced at the photo and made an ‘o’ face, “wait, wrong one. Still smash, though.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a photo of Alice, making the blood witch scoff, but she couldn’t hold back a smile.
Billy was now sitting at the dining table with his head in his hands, Lilia gently patting him on his back to comfort him. “It’s okay, teenager. Anyone could’ve guessed this. For all we know she only put Wanda there to get a reaction out of you.”
“Nope! Definite smash!” Agatha shouted from where she was with Rio hanging off her.
“I’m okay, Lilia. I’m not that surprised,” he raised his voice, “you guys are all absolute freaks!”
“You put a sabre tooth tiger on the cake!”
“An obviously attractive one! And his voice adds to it. You’ve got to see the movie.”
Agatha let out a long groan and took a deep breath, preparing herself for her next words. “Okay. We got to know each other a bit better tonight. Thank you, Billy, for organising this.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t burst into flames saying that.”
“I still might throw up.”
Billy grinned.