Work Text:
“Woo Young-woo,” says Attorney Jung, “We’re sending you back to college.”
“Huh?” She’s barely stepped into the room, and it takes a moment to register. “I’ve already been to college. And law school.”
“It’s not for real,” Su-yeon says, looking up from a stack of papers. Min-woo is drinking coffee. There’s an identical cup in front of Su-yeon. That’s happened three times in the past month. “We need someone to go undercover. Our client says they’re still charging her tuition even though they’ve kicked her out. We need to find out if this is happening to anyone else.”
“You need me to get kicked out of college?” Young-woo says. “I’m not sure I know how to do that.”
Attorney Jung looks tired. “We just need you to pretend to be a student and talk to the other students. Find out if they know anyone else who’s been kicked out.”
“Okay,” Young-woo says. “I can talk to the other students.”
“Good. And, of course, we need someone else to talk to the students’ parents at open house this weekend. Su-yeon and Min-woo, you’ll attend that.”
“As what?” Min-woo says. His eyes have gotten big.
“As students,” Su-yeon says quickly.
Attorney Jung hands over two file folders. “As parents,” he says. “You can pass for the right age if you wear the appropriate clothes.” Su-yeon’s mouth is hanging open. “Find out everything you can.” He walks quickly out of the room.
Young-woo recognizes this as Su-yeon’s upset face. “It’s okay,” Young-woo says. “I can give you tips from the time I pretended Jun-ho and I were engaged. It’s not hard. You don’t even have to hold hands if you don’t want to.”
Su-yeon and Min-woo look at each other and both immediately scoot their chairs apart.
“I’ll be in my office,” Young-woo says, leaving.
-- -- -- -- --
Pretending to be a student is easy, it turns out. Young-woo hasn’t been on this campus before, but there are plenty of signs and maps, and no one minds if she asks a lot of questions. Unfortunately, it seems like pretending to be a parent is harder.
Geurami kindly helped dress Min-woo and Su-yeon. It doesn’t make them look much older, but it does make them look different than they usually look. Min-woo is wearing a thick turtleneck that keeps riding up and covering his chin, and Su-yeon has a floral jacket on. Every time Min-woo reaches up to fix his turtleneck, Su-yeon slaps his hands away. Both of them keep looking at their fake wedding rings.
“Excuse me,” Young-woo says, sidling up to them, “but you don’t look married.”
Min-woo jumps like he’s seen a ghost. “Don’t scare me! How long have you been there?”
“You don’t look married,” Young-woo says again, patient. “I think you should try holding hands. Even if it’s only for fifty-seven seconds.”
“What?” Min-woo says. “Fifty-seven seconds?”
Su-yeon’s eyes are big, but she lifts her chin. That means she’s decided something and is determined to do it. “She’s right,” Su-yeon says. “Married people hold hands.”
“Not the ones I know,” Min-woo scoffs, but he puts his hand out. Su-yeon stares at him blankly. “Well? Are we holding hands?”
Su-yeon takes his hand. Young-woo can’t tell what their expressions mean, but they both have the same expression.
“If it gets to be too much, you can stop,” she says. “Okay. I’m going to go to the student center.” She waves and smiles. “Have fun!”
She can’t tell if they’re having fun; she steals glances over her shoulder as she walks away. But it’s a lot more than fifty-seven seconds before they’re out of sight, and they’re still holding hands as far as she can see.
-- -- -- -- --
They meet up later at Hairy Boss’s place to eat and compare notes. Geurami laughs when they come in.
“Look who’s back from scouting college! How old did they think you were?”
“Forty,” Su-yeon says, at the same time that Min-woo says, “Married.” She looks at him. “I mean, yeah, forty.” He wriggles out of the turtleneck. Underneath is just a white shirt like he plays basketball in with Jun-ho. Young-woo orders gimbap, and when she turns around, Su-yeon is still staring at Min-woo.
“No one asked me how old I was,” Young-woo volunteers. “I did find some other students who knew people that had been kicked out. At least six. A couple gave me addresses.” She moves her finger, scanning notes in her mind. “One of them is close to here. We could do an interview.”
“You go,” Min-woo says. “I’m eating.”
Su-yeon elbows him. “You said you didn’t want dinner. Young-woo’s got gimbap, come on.”
Min-woo rolls his eyes and puts the turtleneck back on. “Fine.”
“Don’t forget to be married,” Young-woo says. “It’ll be a lot less suspicious. You look too much like lawyers when you’re not married.”
“That’s deep,” Geurami says, chin in hand.
-- -- -- -- --
FIRST DAY OF SPRING SU-YEON: you have to get me out of here [weary emoji]
FIRST DAY OF SPRING SU-YEON: these people are asking all kinds of questions about us
FIRST DAY OF SPRING SU-YEON: about our “marriage”
FIRST DAY OF SPRING SU-YEON: if i have to call him sweetie one more time i will die
WOO YOUNG-WOO: you could call him “honey” instead
FIRST DAY OF SPRING SU-YEON: thanks
FIRST DAY OF SPRING SU-YEON: that helps
WOO YOUNG-WOO: you’re welcome
WOO YOUNG-WOO: [smile emoji]
-- -- -- -- --
ROOMIE: hey man what should i say about how Su-yeon and i got together
ROOMIE: fake got together i mean
ROOMIE: we’re not together
ROOMIE: do you think it would sell it more if i put my arm around her
LEE JUN-HO: i wouldn’t do that if i were you
ROOMIE: too late
LEE JUN-HO: did they buy it?
LEE JUN-HO: you there?
LEE JUN-HO: if you’re dead I’m taking your gaming chair
ROOMIE: not dead
ROOMIE: but not sure if i’m coming home tonight
ROOMIE: ok yeah i’m definitely coming home see you in 15 min
-- -- -- -- --
The next morning, Su-yeon is wearing more makeup than usual and has her hair down. She’s back in her work clothes, though, so she must have gone home. Unless she has clothes at the office.
“Should I keep clothes at the office?” Young-woo says.
Attorney Jung comes in before Min-woo or Su-yeon can answer. Neither of them will look at each other, but Young-woo hears a soft, intermittent tap of their chairs touching repeatedly beneath the table.
“It’s a good start, but it’s not enough,” says Attorney Jung. “What we really need is a class action lawsuit. Seven people is a headline. A hundred people, now that’s something.”
“I don’t think I can be married long enough for a hundred people,” Min-woo says in a low voice, and Su-yeon smacks him in the chest. It makes a quiet whump sound.
But Attorney Jung looks cheerful. “It won’t take long,” he says. “Young-woo found out that there’s a secret tuition roll being kept at the provost’s office, listing all the people who are being charged for tuition even though they’ve been kicked out. If we can get a copy, we can contact them all. Of course, the roll itself won’t be admissible in court.”
“Why didn’t you just get the roll?” Min-woo says.
“Mm,” says Young-woo, “I tried. I started to explain how orcas travel in superpods, which is when groups of whales get together and repair social dynamics, and how sticking together in a superpod would be better for us—”
“I get the picture,” says Min-woo.
“You two go back with her,” Attorney Jung says. “You don’t even have to be married.”
-- -- -- -- --
It’s a different clerk when they get back, which is good, because she doesn’t know who Young-woo is, but also bad, because this clerk is far less friendly. She starts to explain the superpod, but Min-woo cuts her off.
“Listen,” he says. “They kicked me out. And—I have so much debt to pay. How can they keep making me pay when I’m not even enrolled? I just need to see why I’m on the list.”
The clerk narrows her eyes. “It’s private financial information. I can’t show you that.”
“Please,” Su-yeon says. “We’ve been all over campus trying to get answers. Can’t you just let us look?”
The clerk doesn’t say anything. Her eyes flick between Min-woo and Su-yeon.
“Because, um, we’re pregnant,” Min-woo says. Su-yeon’s jaw drops, but she snaps it shut and starts nodding rapidly as soon as the clerk looks at her. Min-woo inches closer to Su-yeon, putting an arm in the vicinity of her waist, not touching her. Su-yeon grabs it and wraps it tightly around her, smiling intensely. “And we want to get married. And we need money to get married, so please, can you just let me see why I’m still on the paying tuition list?”
Young-woo didn’t think this would work. They haven’t been very good at being married before. But the clerk’s expression has changed. Finally, she opens her desk. All three of them breathe a sigh of relief.
“I could get in trouble for this,” she says. She hands over the roll.
“Thank you,” Su-yeon says. She’s clasping her hands together. “Thank you, thank you so much,” and she turns and kisses Min-woo.
Young-woo didn’t know Min-woo could blush like that.
“We’ll be right back with this,” Min-woo says, and then he and Su-yeon disappear into a nearby file closet.
Young-woo sits down on a nearby bench to wait. She watches the clerk to see if she’s upset that they’re taking so long with the list, but the clerk is just humming and twirling her hair. The expression might be one of happiness.
Su-yeon and Min-woo are in the closet for twenty-three minutes. Their hair is worse when they come out.
“Thank you again,” Su-yeon says to the clerk, handing back the list.
“I remember being your age,” the clerk says, and Su-yeon and Min-woo look at each other and away when she says it, but until they get back to the car, they keep holding hands.
“You should leave me at the office,” Young-woo says once they’re all buckled. “I can go through the list and start contacting people. The two of you can go home if you want.”
No one says anything for a minute.
“Okay,” says Min-woo at last. Then, unusually for him: “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Young-woo says. “Jun-ho could use a new gaming chair.”