Archive of Our Own

And now the warrior-come-half-bat-vanquisher-of-evil was in his top-secret lair with his young sidekick.

'You see, Guillermo,' intoned Nandor. 'So much cooler.'

The young man took in the vast space and the hard work that must have gone into it. 'It is pretty cool. I can't believe you've done all this. And no one noticed.'

'It helped that you were living in a shed and pooping in a bucket rather than interfering.'

Guillermo rolled his eyes. 'Right.'

Nandor grinned. 'So now our crime-fighting partnership can commence after all!'

Guillermo took a deep breath. 'Look, I love that you've done this. And I hope we can stay friends. But I can't be your sidekick, Nandor. What's in it for me?'

Nandor gave a long, low growl as he thought it through. 'Then we fight crime... as friends.'

Guillermo beamed. 'How about friends first. You tell me all about fighting crime. We see how it comes together. One step as a time.'

'It is a coequal partnership, Guillermo. Side by sidekick.'

'Robin,' reiterated Guillermo, thinking of the absurd outfit he'd sported for Nandor's sake. 

'Yesss, about that,' said Nandor, fixing Guillermo with a stern glare. 'It was very wrong of you to rob the food from the human documentary crew. Stealing is a crime, Guillermo.'

Guillermo shifted on his feet, feeling very much less than coequal, and felt his face redden with embarrassment. 'It wasn't stealing, Nandor,' he insisted gently. They have food there all the time.'

'Did you ask first?'

'No?' answered Guillermo, meekly.

'So you helped yourself.' Nandor growled at him again in a disapproving rumble as he took a step towards him.

'It was just some Pringles!'

'What about the money from the night club?' asked Nandor evenly.

'What?'

'Oh you think I didn't know about that? And the new things you bought.'

'You knew about that?' Guillermo's voice squeaked.

Nandor lowered his voice dangerously. 'Yessss.'

'Well, I was just paying myself, Master. You never paid me, so...'

'You knew there was no pay.'

Guillermo bit his lip, his face hot with shame. 'You're right. i shouldn't have done it. It's just, I wasn't getting my side of the bargain.'

'And you seem to be obsessed with robbing.'

'Robin!'

'That's what I said.'

Guillermo shook his head and looked around the lair. How was Nandor this brilliant and this stupid all at once. 

Nandor continued to scold him. 'If we are going to fight crime, Guillermo, it begins at home.'

'W-what?' asked Guillermo, concerned for where this was heading.

'I want you as my young sidekick, not the little rascal who steals paper money and human food. You have been very naughty.' Naturally, this statement was accompanied by wagging finger.

Guillermo's eyebrows were raised up as far as they could go in surprise. He didn't want to think about the fact he wasn't finding this interaction too unpleasant. It could have been comical, but there was enough intensity coming off Nandor for Guillermo to know it wasn't funny. He also wasn't sure if it should be taken too seriously. He cleared his throat and focused on the only strand of professionalism he could access. 'Are you saying I'm too corrupt to be in your crime-fighting partnership?' he asked.

'I am saying the deed must be punished. You must be held to account for your wrongdoings, like any other bad guy who we catch.'

Torn between absurdity, indignation, exhaustion and an acute, tingling curiosity he had no name for, Guillermo, found himself unable to disengage from whatever this was. He took the bait. 'I'm not a bad guy.'

'No, but you have been a bad boy,' admonished Nandor. 'We must be held to a standard, Guillermo.' 

'You're literally a murderer.'

Nandor scowled. 'I cannot help my nature. But you can. And you know when you've been a rascal. You go very pink and wriggly and you cannot look your Master in the eye.'

'Nandor,' began Guillermo firmly, deciding it was time to end the charade, but his voice inconveniently cracked. He was also inconveniently warm.

'No, Guillermo. We are still Master and Rascal for just one last moment. One last order of business before our coequal partnership.' He went and sat on a plush sofa. 'Come here, please.'

Guillermo found himself approaching Nandor, too enthralled not to see where this was going. 'Why?' he uttered, refusing to admit he already knew exactly what Nandor had in mind. 

'You know why. I am going to punish you, Guillermo. I cannot allow the robbing. Lay over my lap.'

Nandor had actually said it now, and for his pride, Guillermo had to stop. 'Master, Nandor, this isn't appropriate.'

Nandor simply cocked his head, before moving at lightning speed to collect Guillermo, return to the sofa, and hold the young man over his knees. Guillermo wriggled and gasped, pinned in place. 'You can't be serious!' keened Guillermo.

'Trust me?' Nandor gently enquired, and Guillermo realised he did. Nandor wouldn't truly hurt him. He stilled in the vampire's lap. 'Uh-huh,' he breathed, lowering his head and praying that he wasn't about to get a very harsh reality check. 

'Good,' said Nandor. Still pinning Guillermo in place with one hand, he brought the other down in nothing more than a firm pat. The trouser-clad bottom in his lap jerked at the contact. A second pat found home a little harder. A third, firmer than that. A fourth, basically a good smack across both buttocks. The mildest sting began to spread in Guillermo's trouser seat, and his breathing became ragged. 'Easy,' reassured his Master. A fifth and a sixth swat landed, closer to pats again. 'Naughty boy.' 

Guillermo gasped, not from pain, but from the impossible intimacy of it. Finally held, though punished. The gentlest punishment, though physical. A humiliation, but tender. A spanking, but over his khakis. A few more swats came down, Nandor finding a rhythm, and Guillermo gave a soft cry. It was more in anticipation of what might be a relentless assault - how much experience did Nandor have with this anyway? But then the idea that it could end when he'd never been closer to Nandor's body. He felt his own respond just then, and held on to the vampire's legs as he tried to avoid brushing against Nandor.

'I'm sorry,' he whimpered.

'Tut tut, Guillermo.' The swats relented, but Nandor's hold did not. 'That's the problem with the good boys. When they are good, they are very, very good. But when they are bad, they are wicked. You act out.'

'I didn't act out!' argued Guillermo, and he was rewarded with a stinger of a swat which took his breath away. It shot like a frisson through his body, and the simple act reminded Guillermo that actually, there may have been several times where he definitely did behave like a brat when things weren't going his way. And that maybe, receiving this level of attention from his Master may have been exactly what he wanted to achieve by doing so. And that just possibly, the dumb bitch of a man actually spanking him was also wise enough to know that. A further firm smack landed, and Guillermo moaned.

'You are in no position to be so cheeky,' Nandor told him off firmly. 'Now I want no more of this little rascal routine, Guillermo, with all your dramatics.' Three sharp swats followed in quick succession.

Nandor indicated with a final pat that it was over. He released Guillermo, but the young man did not try to move. Nandor chuckled. He could feel the very soft parts of Guillermo and one very hard part. 'As I suspected. You liked that.'

Guillermo grumbled, and got himself off Nandor's lap, deftly grabbing a sofa cushion at the same time to conceal the compromising bulge in his pants as he stood in front of the vampire. 'No I didn't,' he lied. But he smiled warmly at his former boss. 'You wanted to do it. I know you like it. I saw you with all your wives, remember.'  

'Tell me you didn't want me to do it,' challenged Nandor, forcing eye contact. 

'Alright,' rasped Guillermo. 'A little. But not any harder than that, okay?' He rubbed his smarting bottom. 

'Okay,' agreed Nandor. 'So fighting crime begins at home.'

'Sure,' said Guillermo, still warm and strangely relaxed. 'And I'll hold you to account, too.'

'Exactly.'

'Especially now you've just shown me exactly how you'd like me to do that.' Guillermo gave his best smug smile.

Nandor curled his lip in distaste. 'Not exactly, Guillermo. I am not as much as a sissy as you. I need a firmer hand - when I want one.'

'I see. Good to know, Nandor.'

Nandor nodded and gave a contented growl. 'I think I am going to enjoy this coequal crime-fighting partnership very much, Guillermo.'

Guillermo looked around at the lair again. 'Nandor, where do we sleep? I don't see any beds. There was nothing on the plan.'

'In the coffin elevator, of course.'

'As friends?'

'Yes.'

'I think that might need to go through a process of testing,' said Guillermo.

Nandor raised an eyebrow. 'I see. We should begin immediately. And Guillermo?'

'Yes, Nandor?'

'Put the fucking cushion down.'