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Tom came back from work exhausted. The day had been a mess. Three domestic disturbances he answered to with Lewis, and one very angry hybrid who got drunk and caused a scene at the marina. When Tom told Lewis he could take care of it himself and for Lewis to go home, he had no idea that he would end up faceplanting on the deck for a few minutes until he managed to subdue and arrest the hybrid.
Now, the guy was cooling his heels off in holding and Tom added resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer to his drunk and disorderly charge. Past Tom might have had mercy on the guy, but after the day Tom had, witnessing the horrified faces of the women when he and Lewis arrived, and how one of them latched onto Tom and left a bloody trail on his otherwise pristine white shirt, Tom had zero fucks to give.
He just wanted to go home, take a long, hot shower, and go to bed. His stomach was in knots, and food was the last thing on his mind.
Opening the door to his house, he prepared for one more day of emptiness. The kids were at Russ' house tonight, even Kira, and Mariel had given him the cold shoulder for the past few weeks, ever since the Larkin situation, so he did not expect her to be home either. To make matters worse, Larkin had not shown up, yet, and Tom already feared the worst. That he stirred up the hornet's nest for nothing.
He desperately wanted to fix things, for Mariel to talk to him, but every time there was the glimmer of a chance for them to talk about the elephant in the room, Mariel would turn the conversation to how Tom's day at work was, or what he wanted for dinner. Sometimes Tom asked about her work day and that was that. Some days they missed each other completely because Mariel had to stay a few more hours to treat patients, the influx was greater than ever after Miranda. It reminded Tom of how it was at the start of their relationship. And the end of her marriage with Russell Varon. It scared Tom to think how much this situation resembled the shambles of Russ' and Mariel's marriage when Tom appeared at the end of it.
He did not want a repeat of the situation, but the more time went by, he knew that a separation might actually happen sooner rather than later. And there were days when he scrambled to find reasons why he should fight to keep this marriage going. They already slept in different rooms for quite a while now. Tom could tell it was hard for Mariel to keep him close to her.
So he gave her the space she needed. Except the space turned into a chasm. And Tom felt like he was about to sink in the depth of it, if things kept going the way they were. Maybe he should just come outright and ask Mariel, see what her opinion on the matter was. He'd do whatever she wanted. There was nothing else there for him to do other than hope Mariel would be reasonable.
Tom rubbed his forehead with two fingers, trying to ease up the headache that had been building behind his eyes all day, but he was unsuccessful. He would have to take painkillers, before the headache turned into a full blown migraine. He hadn't had one of those in a long while, before Eve hit for sure, but with the events of the last few months, Tom was bound to get one.
If he could get ahead of it...
Tom slowly got into his room. Not hiding per se, but rather fighting the nausea and sudden dizziness that threatened to render him to a heap on the floor. Maybe he should have gotten checked out at the hospital first before driving home. That rowdy hybrid pushed him hard when Tom fell. But it was too late now.
Tom sighed. He downed two pills, and then he pulled a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt from a drawer, before he headed into the shower. He had to laugh to himself when he realized just how many pairs of white t-shirts and grey or black sweatpants he owned. It was almost like he was in a uniform at home too.
He pulled out a soft grey sweater out of another drawer, thinking that maybe he ought to put that one on top of his t-shirt, because temps were supposed to fall in the fifties, and Tom got cold on a good day when low temperatures were happening. And today was not a good day.
He was pretty sure the sweater belonged to Russell, and the sole thought made him feel warm already.
...
Tom was showered and dressed, putting on socks, when the front door opened. He was pretty sure that it was Mariel, but he grabbed his gun from the holster and cased the hall until he confirmed it was Mariel. He breathed a sigh of relief when he watched her walk further into the house. Returning his gun to its place in the holster on his utility belt, Tom gathered his uniform shirt and pants and took them to the laundry room. He turned the washing machine on, then went to greet Mariel.
"Hey."
"Hey. You are home."
"Yeah."
Mariel took an apple from the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter and washed it.
"Did you eat? I thought I might make fried chicken for dinner."
It felt so normal. Too normal. Tom's senses were tingling.
"Not hungry, but I could try a few bites, see how it will settle with my stomach."
Mariel did not ask him if he was okay, but turned his back to him, taking ingredients out of the fridge and starting to prepare the food.
An hour later Tom managed to eat something, although he could tell his stomach was not agreeing with him.
He watched as Mariel polished off the food on her own plate and was pleased to see at least one of them had an appetite.
"Heard about the domestic disturbance you were the first on scene for." Mariel broke the silence.
"Which one?"
"Anna Mendoza. Her husband came at her with a knife and slashed her arm before she subdued him with a frying pan."
Tom nodded. It was the last call before the case at the marina. The reason why he got blood on his uniform shirt.
"Yeah. It was pretty horrific."
"Her husband decided not to press charges after someone made it very clear what could happen to him if he continued with that behavior. Anna told me he called her while she was waiting to be treated at the hospital. You know anything about that?"
Tom snorted.
"If I tell you it was Lewis, would you believe me?"
"No."
Something about the way she said "no" made Tom feel uneasy.
"Well, it was Lewis. I was going to, but Lewis read him the riot act, complete with the threat that if he lays a hand on his wife again, he'll face God's wrath."
"Somehow I find it hard to believe that Lewis would do that. He's just not the type."
"Why do I think there's something else going on here, Mariel?"
"Because there is. But you are too oblivious to notice."
"Then by all means, enlighten me."
Mariel got up from the table and started gathering the plates and silverware, not caring if they clinked in the sink. The sound was not helping Tom's headache, though, and he winced when one plate missed the mark and fell on the kitchen floor, breaking into a million tiny pieces.
Tom got up as well, approaching the broken plate.
"Here, let me-"
"Stay away from it, I'll clean it up."
Tom stayed where he was, afraid of what Mariel might do if he did something she told him not to.
In no time she gathered the broken pieces and threw them in the trash. Tom still stood to the side, unsure if he should ask Mariel again about what she said to him, or to wait her out.
Luckily she had not meant to beat around the bush and solved his dilemma for him.
"What I meant was, Tom, that this whole thing with the hybrids, what Szura's uprising or whatever you want to call it, did to our community. We were already hanging by a thread as it was after hurricane Eve. And then Szura and hurricane Miranda happened. And now we have so many cases of crazed and outraged people and hybrids, might as well call us The Loony Wild West."
"Mariel, I-"
"I know what you are going to say, how you had no idea what he was planning, you were blindsided just as the rest of us-"
"I was blindsided just as the rest of you. Mare, as much as everyone likes to think I knew everything, I learned of Szura's true plans the day he put them into motion. What should I do to make you see that?"
Mariel looked at her hands, wringing them. As if she was carefully weighing her words. Tom was afraid of what that meant.
"I don't trust you after what I saw what Szura did with those people. I mean, you should have known that his intentions weren't that honest in the first place. You are telling me you really didn't know about any of it, but you were hush-hush about the whole situation for months, so why would I believe the opposite? He turned half of this town into freaks, Tom. Hell, he might as well have killed us all in the process with how many violent people have become in the aftermath."
Tom said nothing, grinning his teeth until his jaw hurt. He couldn't look at Mariel. Not now. Is that what she thought of the hybrids? That they were freaks? Violent people, hungry for hurting other people, even hybrids?
"Say something, Tom!"
Tom's headache was really spiking.
"Tom-"
"You don't trust me to tell you the truth as it is, why should I say anything, Mariel? You have already formed your opinion on this matter. Nothing I say or do will get you to trust me or have faith in me, ever again, so why would I even try? What's the point? I've spent years like this, and I have sort of accepted my fate, even though I don't always understand the reason why I was chosen by a creature to be kept alive. I did not know what happened to me then, hell I don't think I know the full extent of what I am, not even ten years later."
"Tom, I'm-"
Tom did not give her enough time to finish that sentence.
"What I know is that I had no fucking clue what Szura was planning. I trusted him when he told me he was going to protect the people who were different than most hybrids. He exploited that trust to make it easier to help him when he needed it. I hate myself for it, Mariel, and I get reminders every single day about the chaos he put us all in. He might be dead, but he's going to be my walking nightmare forever. You have no idea how it's been for me the past couple of months, so don't you even talk about trust and it being broken, because I have always tried my best to be honest about things when I was certain what they were. I'm sorry I omitted the truth on several occasions when they warranted that, but don't think for one second I regret it. I did all of this to protect you, the kids, even Russell and his family, everyone in this town. Homestead is my home, Mariel, and my top priority is always going to be the safety of all the people living here. This is my home, and my people, and I will do what's necessary to ensure we get to see another day. If you don't see that, I don't know what else to do to make you see that."
Tom swallowed the brief nausea that threatened to knock him down. He was feeling the pulse in his temples now, the painkillers did nothing to dull out the pain. The argument was not helping matters.
"Tom, you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
Tom did not say anything to that.
"Look, if this is too much for you, let's finish it another time."
"And what makes you think I want to drag it out any longer, Mariel? It's been too long since I tried to talk about this, but you ignored me completely. I'm just so tired of everyone blaming me, and pointing their fingers in my direction, when it was Szura who orchestrated the whole thing. It was Szura who carefully put his pawns in places I could never even imagine. It was Szura who rounded people up so that they could be turned. I was merely a cog in his machine of destruction. I'll probably be cleansing myself from my sins until the day I die. I just hope that you'll stick around long enough to realize you are placing your blame in the wrong person. And maybe one day you'll actually forgive me."
Tom stormed out of the kitchen, and continued towards the door. He put his sneakers on, not caring that the laces were untied. He heard Mariel call his name several times, begging him not to go. He heard her footsteps behind him, but he didn't stop. He needed to get some air, he needed to go out. He didn't want to stay in his house any longer, otherwise he might choke on the tension and blame, and the insurmountable pile of issues between him and Mariel.
***
Russ just got ready for bed when his phone started ringing. He was glad that the mobile network was up and running faster than it did after hurricane Eve. He appreciated having the radio as a communications device, but nothing helped him settle than being able to have his phone work all the time.
He looked at the caller ID, and saw that it was Mariel. He wondered what she needed this late in the night, it was past ten thirty, and the kids were already in bed. Jesse had a test the next day, and Russ found him sleeping on top of his textbook before he managed to wrangle him in bed, so that Jesse wouldn't wake up with bad neck cramps. Rose, as usual, was buried in a pile of stuffed animals and asleep for half an hour now. Kira was the only one still awake in the house, but she told him she would sleep in the living room, because she needed to work on a project for school. So whatever reason Mariel had to call him, it wasn't the kids. Besides, Russ was pretty sure she called them on her way back home from the hospital two hours ago.
"Hey, Mariel?"
"Russell, I need your help."
"Okay."
"Tom... We fought tonight, and he left the house. He did not take his cell phone or radio, and he left on foot. His car keys are here, I'm... I just think I'm not the right person to go after him. I don't think he wants me to."
Russ rubbed his forehead, thinking about the situation at hand. Would Tom even want Russ to find him? Was he truly lost or just taking a walk to clear his head? He was a grown man, and he could definitely take care of himself.
But also Tom looked so lost and haunted a couple of months ago when he walked away after they fought in the woods, Russ still remembered the fear he felt until he heard Tom got home safe, despite how angry he was with Tom at the time.
Russ sighed.
"I'll go look for him. I can't promise you anything, or that I'll even find him, but I'll try."
"Thank you, Russell. And please make sure he is okay, he looked like he was going to throw up."
"Okay."
Russ ended the call and then he started thinking about possible places in Homestead that he could find Tom. There weren't that many places that were dear to Tom, so it would be easy to find him. He hoped.
Russ got dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, throwing on a jacket and then making sure he had a spare jacket and some blankets in the back of his truck. Before he drove off, he knocked on the door to the shed. Dave still lived there, although he and Russ did not talk that much lately, largely due to as Dave put it "Russ' alliance with the enemy". Russ didn't even want to imagine the freaking out that would happen if he told Dave what he was about to do, so he opted out of telling him that he would retrieve Tom. If he was successful, that was.
"Yes, Russ?"
"Have to take care of something, can you make sure the kids are okay while I'm out?"
"Yeah, sure. What's up, Russ?"
"Nothing you have to worry about."
Russ left before Dave could inquire too much.
...
He found Tom in the first place he thought to look at. By the water. On the spot he brought Larkin to be changed. He was sitting on the sand, his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. He was hunched, and was shaking. Probably felt cold, because the temperatures dropped in the last couple of hours.
Russ picked up the extra jacket and he walked towards Tom. On closer look, Tom looked even more miserable. His face was pinched, like he was in pain. And his eyes were glassy. Russ didn't know what to say to him. He gently placed the jacket on Tom's back, trying not to startle him.
Tom put the jacket on, without saying a word. That meant he knew Russ was there. That was good.
"I needed to clear my head."
"Okay."
"You didn't have to..." Tom cleared his throat and huddled into the warmth that the jacket provided.
"It's no big deal. You would have done it for me too."
Tom nodded.
"Mariel called you?"
"Yeah, she sounded worried."
Tom chuckled.
"Tom, what happened?"
What happened? The same question again. At the same place. A month apart.
Great going, Russell. Great going.
"I mean, what happened between you and Mariel tonight?"
"Where do I even begin? I feel like we might stay here all night if I start talking. And I came to realize my idea for an evening stroll was ill-advised, because my butt is freezing."
It was Russ' turn to chuckle.
"Well, we wouldn't want such a good butt to freeze itself, and I have heating in the truck so..."
Russ realized what he said when Tom's eyes widened and he honest to God blushed.
"Tom, sorry, I... This is awkward."
"Don't worry, Russ, I know what you meant."
Tom got into the truck and Russ started it and then turned on the heat, adjusting the temperature.
"Tell me if you need me to adjust it more, okay?"
"Okay."
They sat in silence for a while, Russ stealing glances Tom's way every few minutes.
"Mariel and I fought. I mean, actually fought. She said some things to me, they got to me, and I couldn't get them out of my head. She still blames me for being changed, and for the thing with Szura, and I realized that despite her telling me she forgives me for what happened, deep inside, there's still a flicker of that."
"I'm sorry, Tom."
"It's okay. It's not like I had my hopes up that things would go back to normal or anything. Just... It hurts knowing that I hurt the people I love, and to hear Mariel say she doesn't trust me was the hardest thing I have ever heard."
Russ knew how that felt. There was time in his past when Mariel stopped trusting him as well. And he remembered exactly what happened after that. He hoped the same won't happen with Tom.
"I'm sorry. This is probably the last thing you need to hear."
"Actually, I'm glad you told me. This is not something you should keep inside, Tom. We both know you have a huge guilt complex without being blamed for something. I can't in good conscience let you deal with it alone."
"That's just it, Russ. I'm guilty. For every little thing she said I was guilty of. I just deny it because it's easier to cast the whole blame on Szura, but I-"
"Stop!"
Tom flinched in his seat, and Russ wanted to hit himself for doing that.
"It was not your fault. Szura was a sick bastard who used you for his personal gain. Just think about it. If you were sharing his opinions, would you have tried to save all of the people in Homestead?"
"Probably would have pushed them in the ocean myself."
"See? You only wanted what's best for the people, and hybrids. You tried to protect us, you went after him. That's not what a complicit person does, Tom. You might have been misguided for a while, made a few mistakes along the way, but you also made it right. That should count for something."
"Does it count with you? You were pretty angry with me while you still thought I was taking his side."
"I was. I'm not anymore. Tom, look, I said and did things I'm not proud of myself, but in the end, I realized a lot. And I'm sure that if it came to life and death, I'd want you on my team. We haven't seen much eye to eye, but I trust you, Tom. I do. And yes, it counts with me."
"Thank you, Russ."
"Don't mention it."
Tom chose that moment to yawn. He looked quite exhausted in the harsh light from the moon that reflected in Russ' truck.
"I should probably take you home before Mariel worries herself sick. I'll call her to tell her we are coming."
There was a hand on top of his when Russ grabbed his phone from his pocket.
"I'd like to stay at your house, if you do not mind. Just for tonight. I'm still not ready to go back to my house."
Russ wondered if there was something else than just the fight that made Tom act like that about going home but he nodded.
"We still gotta call her. Wanna do it?"
"No, you do it. I'm not in the right headspace to talk to her again."
Russ nodded. He called Mariel, telling her that he found Tom and that he was going to stay at his house for the night. Surprisingly, Mariel was chill about the decision, so Russ drove them to his house.
They were careful about Dave seeing them entering the house. That was when Russ realized that they'll have to decide on the sleeping arrangements, when he saw Kira on the couch and remembered what she told him.
Russ looked at Tom as he stared fondly at his daughter. Russ knew for a fact Tom loved Kira very much. The only reminder of his deceased wife, Grace.
Tom followed Russ to his room, or rather the room he shared with Larkin. It was not changed much, except some knick knacks were put in a box, when Russell couldn't sleep one night. The room still had her touch in it, but her smell faded about a day or two after... After that night.
Russ watched as Tom looked around, apprehensive. He seemed lost in the middle of the room, and Russell wished to soothe the worry out of him. He was squinting now, despite the lamp being on.
"Tom, do you have a headache?"
"A little."
In Tom speak, that was probably a lot.
"What am I gonna do with you? Okay, get comfortable on the bed, I'll bring you painkillers and blankets."
"Where are you going to sleep, Russ?"
"We'll figure it out."
After Tom took the two pills Russ handed to him, he stretched on the bed and let Russ cover him with a blanket. Russ could tell him was sleepy, but still staring at Russ.
"There's enough space on the bed for you too, Russ. I know you shared it with Larkin, and this is awkward, but please don't be uncomfortable on my account."
Russ thought this over. He was tired himself, and the bed was comfortable. Tom did take half of it, but they were just going to sleep on it. It wasn't like he was about to cheat on Larkin or anything.
"Come on, Russ. You need to rest too."
"Okay."
Russ quickly changed for bed and laid next to Tom.
"I hope you don't kick in your sleep, Tom."
But instead of an answer, he got a light snore. Tom was out like a light.
...
Russ looked blearily at the clock on the nightstand when a set of tiny footsteps reached his ears and he was woken up by a weight shifting on top of him as Rose tried to get comfortable. It had been a long time since she did that, and Russ was surprised that she still wanted to, after all this time.
Russ watched carefully as she wrapped herself like a starfish over Tom. He noticed Tom was slightly awake too, adjusting himself with the new weight attached to him. Something warm spread all over Russ when he watched Rose fall back to sleep in Tom's arms. She trusted him, despite everything that happened. She was just a baby when she first met Tom, but as she was growing up she was more aware about good and bad people. And she trusted Tom just as much as she trusted him and Mariel. She recognized this Tom as someone she felt safe with.
With that thought, Russ closed his eyes again and let sleep claim him.
***
Tom thanked Russ for driving him home and left the car. He had to go in, go back to his life, and pretend that everything was normal.
"Tom, oh thank God, you are okay."
Tom nodded. At least his head did not feel like it would explode, only a dull ache now that he managed to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. It might have helped that Rosie curled herself around him in the middle of the night so he felt more settled than before. And Russ on the other side of the bed, keeping vigil.
Actually, Tom felt well rested for the first time in a long while. He was grateful for the reprieve.
But he needed to face reality now. Back to his house it was. And Mariel. Who seemed worried. Tom felt a little guilty for not taking his phone or radio last night, but then he remembered the fight, and realized why he didn't want to take anything that he could be reached through.
"I have to get ready for work."
"Tom... I didn't mean what I said last night, I just... Nothing is right these days and I am frustrated. I shouldn't have put it all on you."
"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it, Mare. But it's okay. I've come to accept that you are not fond of what happened to you. I don't know anyone who is, but people either adapt or they don't. That's why all of this was so easy for Szura to orchestrate."
"Are you saying I should just accept this and move on? Act like I'm still me? The old Mariel?"
"No. What I'm saying is you can't seem to accept the fact that by some divine miracle or God's plan, you survived, and the how doesn't really matter. It's not like you are running out of time, Mariel, you can grow into whatever this is, if you give it a chance. I know, it's hard, and I might not be the person to turn to for help, but you have to deal with it. Or try to."
Tom moved to walk towards his room, but he could see Mariel in his peripheral vision.
"Tom, what aren't you telling me? This feels like you are handing me off to someone else to deal with me."
"That's because I am."
"What?"
"Last night made me realize some things. We have been out of sync for a while now. Don't know if it happened before Eve hit, and your change just helped it, or if the night of Eve was the starting point, but we are not connected anymore. We both tried, and for a while there was some mutual understanding and attempts to go back to each other."
"But?"
"That connection got severed somewhere along the way, and we have become strangers. You are amazing under pressure, Mare, and that's what all of this was. A temporary truce while we were all trying to bring this to an end. Now that it's over, at least the big part, you can see where we are. You can barely stand being around me. Half the time I don't see the kids because you cart them off to Russell. Like you don't trust me. And my own daughter spends more time with my deputy than here, so I don't see her either. I'm starting to hate how alone I feel. And lonely. So... Something's gotta give."
"Tom, please. We can figure this out, if you just see..."
"If I just see your point and concede to it, while my own points and needs get sidelined? No, I don't think so. Marriage is a two-way street, Mare, you have to meet me halfway so we can make this work. I admit I haven't been the best husband, but you haven't been the best wife either. We both have our differences. But instead of sitting down and talking about them, you have been avoiding it. Avoiding me."
"You can't just decide for both of us, Tom, that's just not how things get done."
"I don't want to fight. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of talking around in circles. Now, I'd be happy to discuss more of this whenever you like, but I think we should consider putting an end to this conversation before we start fighting again. We both need to go to work. We can talk more once we have cooled our heads, and we are not at each other's throats."
"Let me get this straight. You want a divorce?"
"I do."
"That's it? You are giving up?"
"I don't want to give up, Mare. But I don't see how holding onto the tattered pieces of our marriage can help either one of us. I'm trying not to hurt you, or myself."
"Okay. We can talk about this. Maybe this weekend. In the meantime, would you do me a favor? Don't tell anyone. We have to talk things through first."
"Sure, no problem."
"I don't want the kids to think they were the reason."
Tom nodded.
"And I'm sorry about sending them to Russell's place so much, it's this thing I do. I overreacted. I did the same thing to Russell, before the night of hurricane Eve. I'll try and let them know you want to spend some more time with them."
"Okay. Thanks, Mariel."
Tom retreated to his room leaving Mariel standing in the hall. He hadn't thought of this solution to their problem, at least not in detail, but it felt like the right thing to do under the circumstances. He was sure once the cloud of feelings dispersed and the fight from last night was a pale line on the horizon, Mariel would see the same things he did. The signs were all there. He was pretty sure she knew all of this, deep down, and that was why she often lashed out. He just hoped she would come to terms with him, and that they would solve this peacefully.
Tom sighed. Picking out another set of his uniform from his closet, he set to shower and get ready for the day.
It looked like it was going to be yet another long day.