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Sollux has to fall in love with Eridan.
It's a strange sentence to think, even stranger that he's thinking it in first person. Sollux's hands are folded over his face, leaned back as far as he can in the office chair he thrifted from ImperialScraps. They're more comfortable than gaming chairs, it's a fact. Rich asshole posers get those, gamers who care about being comfortable get office chairs.
Falling in love with Eridan is his only shot to a good life, Sollux has considered every possibility. Feferi's coronation, if she even gets that far, will be sweeps after he's drafted, poked and filled with wires, and she's his only highblood friend. Unless he wants to try his luck as a less (or potentially more) filthy hermit outlaw, he needs another highblood that's going to take him away from all this. It doesn't take a genius to put the blocks together, either.
He's partially to blame for his own problems. If he kept his mouth shut, maybe Zahhak would feel more charitable towards his cause, throw a few heavy bags of wealth into his corner. As it stood, Equius doesn't even open his messages. Gamzee? Off the table. Out of the question. Even if he was lucid enough to communicate with, he can't even stay on task long enough to groom himself.
What, like you have room to talk? He thinks, and then sighs at his own sorry state.
So, Eridan. He lists pros and cons, one after another. Smart, pathetic, handsome, difficult to manage, strong.... His mind blanks on a con, there are two more pros: wealthy and desperate.
It's not like he's forcing himself to do anything he doesn't want to do. Did he ever picture himself marrying Eridan? Hell no! But he may or may not have slipped his hand into his own pants, imagined what their bodies might feel like against each other, locked inside each other. And these were pleasant thoughts, ones he didn't regret thinking, he just can never ever tell anyone about them. This is about life and death; he’s thinking about his future.
All that is a lot different than falling in love. It must be real, and he must make it work for at least long enough for Eridan to care if he lives or dies.
That's it, just get him attached, sell him a sad lowblood story, secure a spot on his solid gold spaceship. He can do that.
He's got the message typed up:
TA: iill be here twomorrow.
TA: 2how or dont.
He just needs to send it, and the masterplan can begin. It takes longer than he's willing to admit, but not long enough for him to get cold feet.
The location that Sollux sent was to an old pier. The legs coming out of the water are tall enough for him to feel at a safe distance from the ocean.
He discovered this spot with AA sweeps ago. She cracked barnacles off the underside, hanging upside down off the edge like she didn’t care if she fell, which she did. Thankfully, they both caught her before she went under, but half her hair had gotten wet. She stunk like salt water the whole trip home. She thought it was so funny; she couldn’t stop laughing.
This spot is precious to him, this one memory alone is worth more than anything anyone could ever buy for him. Sollux is nervous to bring someone like Eridan here, as if his very presence will trample them into nothing or that he may ruin the peace he feels when he comes here.
Sollux comes half an hour earlier so he could get his nerves right, maybe think up a conversation they could have.
Eventually, Eridan does show up. Sollux hadn’t even considered the possibility that he wouldn’t, even if he pretended to in his message. What else was he going to do, masturbate to pictures of himself?
Sollux scoffs at his own private dig as Eridan steps off his lusus and ties his reins on the post as if it were a boat. “What’s so funny, huh?” Eridan says, already impatient.
Anxiety briefly prickles inside of Sollux.
“Nothing,” he starts. “I just thought of something funny. And unrelated.”
Eridan makes a sound between a huff and a scoff; Sollux knows immediately he doesn’t believe that, but Eridan moves on. “Whatever. What is this about? We gonna fight or…you got somethin’ you need to say to me?”
He sounds tired, and for a moment, Sollux wants to lash out. What does he have to be so tired about? Was it too exhausting being in the one percent of wealth and privilege? Or maybe he had ascension duties to attend to, had to make sure his pristine future was secure and all, despite it being handed to him upon his hatchday.
A precious second passes, one he uses wisely to think before he just reacts.
“No, actually, I was just hoping you were free, and you are, so.” Sollux pauses. He’s sitting on the edge of the pier, twenty or so feet from where Eridan has decided to land and tie his lusus. He swings one foot absentmindedly.
“You think I’m gonna fall for that?” Eridan is taller than Sollux thought. He’s seen what Eridan looks like countless times, though. He has a burner account on Fintrest and Instagrub that’s for cyberstalking in general, but lately, he only has one profile in his recent search history. The mirror selfies don’t really give a sense of scale.
“You need money or somethin’?” Eridan presses the issue, arms crossed tight over his chest defensively. Step one of his masterplan would be to make Eridan calm down and trust the date.
“Would you believe me if I said this sounded better than staring at a blank wall?”
“Not for a second.”
Sollux exhales sharply, and his eyes narrow in Eridan’s direction.
“What if I explained that doing nothing is really bad for me?”
“Ha, like you ever do anythin’ to begin with? ‘Sides bully me an’ make my life hellish.”
Seriously? A spark shoots up from one of his horns, something he has no control over. Red and blue gently illuminate the space around him, and one of Eridan’s fins flick in his direction.
“Alright, what are you doing here then?” Sollux asks.
Eridan’s shoulders relax ever so slightly, a change Sollux wouldn’t have noticed had he not been staring.
“It was better than doin’ nothin’?”
“Oh, how interesting.” Sollux answers quickly, loudly and sarcastically. “Better than nothing, you say?”
No reply, other than a scoff and maybe an eyeroll. Now his shoulders go almost completely slack, arms still crossed. Eridan makes long, slow steps to where Sollux is sitting and looks over the edge and into the water. There’s a sneer to his lips, as well as a faint gloss.
“Fresh water is full ‘a parasites, you know.” Eridan states, and simultaneously reveals to Sollux that this isn’t the ocean. Not that he’d admit he’s wrong about something in front of Eridan.
“So, what you’re saying is that there aren’t any in salt water?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you implied it.”
“You assumed it.”
“What was your point?” Sollux’s patience is waning, Step one was complete, Eridan seems calm enough to stay, but now step two was longer and more complicated: having fun on a date with Eridan.
“My point is that it’s gross here. Where’d you even find this place? You don’t sail.”
Instinctively, Sollux tenses. He was afraid of this. Earlier, he thought he could avoid all that stupid paranoia about Eridan ruining his memories here by simply not talking about them. Eridan can’t ruin what he doesn’t know, but now, he’s trapped.
“I…just like it here. It’s not that deep.”
“No. You can’t avoid two questions one right after another. You either answer what we’re doin’ or why we’re here.”
Was he doing it on purpose? Did he have a counter goal to make this as difficult as possible? Okay, fine. Conversation--make it.
“It--I used to come here with AA. It’s kind of sentimental.” It’s as vulnerable as he’s willing to get with Eridan, both right at this moment and potentially in general. Just because he’s trying to make himself love him doesn’t mean they needed to know everything about one another.
“Oh, Megido, your old girly friend, yeah?” Eridan doesn’t sound disingenuous, surprisingly. There’s familiarity in his tone but there’s also apathy.
“You could say that I guess.” Sollux didn’t want to get into it, least of all here and now. They were kids, they weren’t really thinking about things as romantic or platonic, as one quad or another. They just liked each other, enjoyed each other’s company, trusted one another. Yes, he loved her, but in an indescribable sort of way. Maybe if they got to grow up together, things would have been different, but Sollux doesn’t have that kind of future sight, and he’s not living in that reality.
“I see.” Eridan says after Sollux doesn’t elaborate more.
Sollux isn’t looking at Eridan anymore, instead out at the horizon where the moons’ colors blend together in the reflection of the water’s surface. The waves churn, shifting everything even more. It’s peaceful, grounding.
Sollux hears more steps behind him. When he turns to investigate, Eridan is already sitting next to him, still in the process of adjusting himself to be more comfortable.
Sollux can't help but feel like he's studying Eridan, each way he moves, the way he holds himself, every minute expression. He settles next to Sollux, knees tightly together as if he couldn't stand to be even an inch closer. When he applies some thought, he wonders if the actual reason is that he's scared Sollux will react badly. Eridan wouldn't be misguided in that fear, but it did make this more challenging than he thought. Sollux expected Eridan to be ready to fling himself at him, but he’s much more cautious. What for?
They make eye contact. It sends a shock through Sollux's chest like he's been struck by lightning. Again. Eridan must feel something from it too; he doesn't hold the stare very long, instead he points his eyes straight down into the water, hands folded neatly together. Come on.
Sollux isn’t used to taking on the active role when it comes to courtship. He’s not really used to showing interest in people either. He’s used to being picked out, chosen and then deciding if he likes who’s chosen him or not.
“So, you got somethin’ to say, or are we just gonna sit in silence until the sunrise?”
“I was actually planning on the latter?” Sollux replies sarcastically. He’s fresh out of ideas for starting conversations. Yes, already. Currently, he’s deploying the strategy he uses in voice chats: just patiently wait for someone to say something or enjoy the silence.
“I can’t believe I let you drag me out here. You know I cancelled my appointment to be here.”
“What appointment?”
“Does it matter?”
Sollux pauses, double checking that he actually wants to say this. “I guess not, since you cancelled it to see me.” He takes this moment to find Eridan’s eyes again and flashes a smile. It’s hard to toe the line between genuine and shit-eating, but hopefully he manages.
It works, Eridan holds his eyes for longer, but still not more than a few seconds. His shoulders pull tighter inward, eyebrows furrowed in an emotion Sollux can’t decipher. Sollux looks down to his hands, briefly enthralled by how Eridan rapidly twists each ring, pulls them off and switches them around his fingers.
“It was a claw appointment.” Eridan’s voice is almost drowned out by the crashing wave sounds. Sollux is already staring at his hands, so it’s as simple as shifting his gaze towards the ends of his fingers. Eridan opens them up and flashes his weathered manicure. Sollux would never look at that and book a no doubt unnecessarily expensive claw-tech to fix that.
Sollux shoves his hands deep into his pockets, and from the corner of his eye, he can see Eridan’s fins stand up, tall.
“What was that? You’re not—”
“No.” Sollux interrupts, quickly, not that Eridan can ever cut a sentence short to save his life.
“--Self-conscious, are you?”
“I said no.”
“You said no awfully fast, I wasn’t even done askin’.”
“I can see the future; I knew what you were going to say.”
“Can’t you only tell the future sometimes? Like basically never?”
“I’m glad you know all about my powers, yeah. Why don’t you go ahead and fill out my forms for me when I go get a checkup next time, since you already know everything about me.”
“Fuckin’ glub, I was just sayin’.” Eridan folds his arms tightly again. His legs cross over each other, and Sollux shouldn’t care that it moves them half an inch apart.
“Anyway,” Eridan continues, “Lemme see those fronds.”
“No.”
“No no no. That’s all you ever say.”
Sollux sighs a hefty sigh and takes his hands out. His fingers splay like spider legs, ten strange appendages that he uses to grab and hold things. His claws are why he tucked them away, not out of insecurity but to avoid this very interaction.
His skin-picking habit is on full display now. Most fingers are torn at the cuticles, bright yellow patches from where he’d most recently worried at them. His claws are short, not the cleanest, most chewed off.
“It’s not as bad as I thought, really.” Eridan unfolds his arms and gently takes Sollux’s hands into his own, bringing them closer to his eyes. Sollux starts to feel something akin to dizziness.
Eridan’s hands are cold, though not as cold as he expected. Not as cold as the ice cubes he holds before touching himself, or as cold as the glass bottles he occasionally pressed himself against. They’re soft, strangely clammy, and they hold Sollux’s reverently. Eventually, his claws stop being the subject as Eridan eyes move along the back of Sollux’s hands, to his wrists. He flips them over to examine his palms, and that’s when the turn they’ve taken has officially become interesting.
Sollux is no longer watching where Eridan is looking, instead watching him. He’s banking on the fact that his eyes are blank to disguise this. They’ve never sat this close before, Sollux has never seen his features so clearly. The slope of his nose, the delicate way his eyelashes hover over his cool gray under eyes. He soaks in all the details he can; a dark freckle here, the point of his cupid’s bow, the way his glasses reflect the bright red and blue of his own eyes back to him.
Eridan’s eyes snap up to capture them, and it startles Sollux. He totally just gave it away, the fact that he was staring, but maybe it can work in his favor. Eridan looks like a newt that’s rock was just flipped over. His eyes are wide behind his glasses, confused, uncertain about what’s about to happen. In a moment of impulse, he summons a point of psionic energy to gently grasp and pull at one of Eridan’s fins. It’s a playful gesture, or it’s meant to be.
The sound that comes from the back of Eridan’s throat is a mix between a gasp and a shriek. He recoils from the feeling and reflexively shoves Sollux, who’s sitting at the edge of the pier.
What happens next is a flail of six limbs, two arms grabbing at the edge of the pier, legs scrambling and kicking uselessly as Sollux tries to save himself while adrenaline pumps through his body. Two more arms grabbing and yanking Sollux’s shirt to try and throw him back up where it’s safe.
He’s not sure how it happened, most of those crucial seconds were extremely blurry to him, and yet somehow, he’s ended up here anyway. Eridan pulls Sollux close to him, and drags them both to the center, away from anywhere either of them might fall.
“What the fuck.” Sollux says to the front of Eridan’s shirt. His forehead is pressed right against his chest, and he can feel a distinct hammering.
“What do you mean what the fuck? I should be askin’ you what the fuck! You almost—”
“I would’ve saved myself.” Not if he fell in. That might have been it for him. He can’t conjure sparks under water, can’t even under a shower stream. Sollux closes his eyes and allows himself to imagine if Eridan had jumped in after him. He can still feel those cold hands on his back, now flat and smoothing his shirt back down.
“I was only reactin’ to your mean-ass pullin’ at my fins. That fuckin’ hurt.”
A sparking glimmer appears between Sollux’s horns, he’s spotted an opportunity. “I can kiss it better.”
The suggestion makes Eridan choke. “No thank you, but I do think I deserve somethin’ for savin’ your ass.”
He can work with this. Sollux looks up, and all the features he was looking at so closely start to come into focus again. His eyes lock onto that cupids bow, then, to Eridan’s. Briefly, he wonders if he can tell what’s he’s thinking, how Sollux is about to change both of their lives forever. It didn’t matter if they worked out or not, if their platonic hatred failed to bloom into something more exciting and long-lasting.
But what if it did?
Sollux straightens his posture, kisses Eridan right there. Eridan’s lips are cold and taste like some fruit he can’t guess right now. All his thoughts are tuned into the radio frequency that is Eridan’s body language.
His spine stiffens, he inhales sharply, and his hands grab onto Sollux’s shirt so tightly, he can feel the pricks of his claws through the fabric, but he doesn’t refuse. It seems like he might be open to reciprocating, but that would take longer than Sollux is willing to spend on a first kiss.
They separate, and it only takes a second or two before he has something to say. Sollux used to hate that shade of violet simply because of what it represented, but seeing it all complimenting Eridan’s …everything, he easily finds that it suits him.
“Is that what this whole thing is about?” Eridan’s voice is softer than Sollux has ever heard it. He imagines hearing it again and again, at the beginning of every evening or the end of each morning.
“Yeah. Kind of.” Sollux shrugs and taps nervously at the wood they’re on top of. Both of his hands found themselves on either side of Eridan, caging him in, even though Eridan was the one that pulled Sollux into this specific position. And Sollux let him.
It’s quiet again, and each second that passes makes things a degree more awkward.
“What are you thinking right now?” Sollux asks with intent on solving whatever problem is happening in Eridan’s head.
In that quiet voice again, he says, “that I can’t tell if this is real or not.”
Something is smashed in Sollux. He wonders if he’s made a mistake, if he should’ve just decided to be a deserter instead, if Eridan will kill him if their breakup is messy.
Sollux wants to try this, wants to see what kind of life he can live with Eridan. Besides, he’s already gone this far. It would be easier to commit now instead of changing his mind and abandoning ship.
“It’s real.” Sollux assures. His hands move closer to Eridan, thumbs starting to brush against where his ass touches the pier. He’s asking permission to touch more.
“So, tomorrow you’re not gonna—” Eridan stiffens at the touch, and Sollux withdraws. He feels Eridan’s fingers pulling into fists on his back. “You’re not gonna pretend none of this happened? No one set you up to this or anythin’?”
“You seriously think I suck like that?”
“I dunno! You’ve never done—this isn’t really somethin’ I’d expect from you. Ever. I thought you hated me.”
“I do?”
Eridan stiffens again, his back going rod straight and shoulders tensing. Sollux is starting to wonder if that’s not actually a bad sign. He tries to touch him again, this time tracing the detailing of his pants.
“Not like—” He starts a sigh, and it spirals into a noise that sounds like a creaking door. “Shut up, alright? Let me think, an’ stop touchin’ me.”
Sollux vows to disobey that command, even as Eridan pulls away from him, but doesn’t put any distance between them. His hands stay right where they are, in fact following through on what he wanted to do all along. He grabs Eridan’s square hips, runs his hands up his waist and settles right there. Eridan shudders like he’s being tickled and makes a pitiful attempt at squirming away. “Stop, I said to knock it off!”
“Or what?”
“Or I’ll fuckin’ kill you!” Eridan flashes his teeth on the hard syllables, and Sollux marvels at them.
“Go ahead then, do it, get it over with.”
They enter a starring contest, one where Sollux can see Eridan’s pupils, engorged and shining, swallowing up his violet irises. His thick, perfect brows and knitted tightly, trying to sell the idea that Eridan is really serious, he should be taken seriously, but it takes everything in Sollux not to laugh.
In that next moment, Eridan kisses Sollux. It’s tight, and hard and Sollux wouldn’t have it any other way. He can feel the tension leave as he kisses back, tilts his head so Eridan knows it’s what he wants, too.
On second sampling, Sollux is able to guess the flavor of Eridan’s lip gloss; it’s berry.