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Death was painful.
He could feel his every atom being shredded apart by the Arcane, and the blinding light of the rune, searing into their hands and through their closed eyes, was hotter than the sun as it engulfed them.
And Jayce was afraid. He didn’t regret his decision for a single second, but he was admittedly afraid when death drew near.
But Viktor was right there in his arms, warm and flesh and human and everything that made him him, and it all became worth it in the end.
***
Death was… warm.
Not the kind of warmth that had just burned through him a moment ago, but more akin to a summer breeze grazing his skin, and his nose tickled. He realized that he still had all these sensations to feel other than mere warmth and pain, and he jolted awake.
Blue skies and soft clouds above, a green butterfly departed from his nose and flew away, the wind rushed through the tall grass around him and Jayce took in a deep breath. Fresh summer air with scents of flowers and earth filled his nostrils and he sat up, eyes scanning the horizon to find himself in a grand open field. Just as the one he woke up from the snowstorm all those years ago.
Bile quickly climbed up his throat in a violent rush to be expelled and he spat into the earth, fingers clenching against the grass, feeling the wet dew, the damp dirt under his palms.
This couldn’t be death. This felt too real. They didn’t die. They, him and…
He immediately lunged to his feet, then promptly winced at the pain shooting through his injured leg and he belatedly realized that he was as naked as a babe. The leg brace as well as the rest of his battle armor were disintegrated after whatever just happened when they activated the rune fragment. Shaking his head, there'd be time to ponder about the logistics and the science of it all later. Right now, he needed to find—
Pushing past the thrumming pain, he limped as fast as he could in an aimless direction, pulled by an unknown force within him until he found who he was looking for.
“Viktor!” He fell to his knees by his partner’s side, pain spiking through his body but he didn’t care. His only concern was Viktor. He shook the man by the shoulder and his eyes opened blearily, beautiful amber glinting under the sunlight.
“Jayce?”
He slumped fully to the ground, wrapping his arms around his partner. Heaving breaths pressed into his neck, hands splaying against his skin, Jayce greedily took in every moment of Viktor he could after what he thought had been the end. Viktor's arms tentatively holding him back made his heart sing and ache in the very same instant. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing him again.
Viktor then pushed him off and turned over to vomit, coughing through his bile a few times and Jayce recalled feeling just as ill after he landed in the Ruined Timeline.
“Where are we?” Viktor slowly sat up, wiping at his mouth as he looked around, disbelief on his features, taking in their surroundings, their physical states.
Jayce muttered with uncertainty and a tinge of hope, “I don’t know, but I believe we’re alive.”
It was at that moment that they could truly see each other, and Jayce’s eyes roamed over his partner, taking in every old and new detail.
His skin was pale and human once more, his hair short and messy, curling at the nape like they did before… Before his first death, the guilt forever dwelling in his bones reminded him. Tentatively, he pressed a hand to Viktor’s cheek and gods, he was just as beautiful as he remembered, every mole, every freckle returned. Except for the fact that woven into the rest of his body was gold. They were almost akin to Mel’s golden tattoos, though the patterns were less deliberate and more sporadic, a mishmash webs spanning chaotically across his skin. They also weren't just colored ink but were in fact precious metal, embedded into, or rather, replacing the gaps within his tissues and Jayce ran his fingers along the lines.
They curved intricately along Viktor’s torso, down his every limbs, up his throat and spilling over the sides of his face. The runic markings that he had carved into himself all those months ago, the ones Jayce had only noticed after the councilroom attack, were also filled with lustrous gold. Every place the Arcane had touched him, it seemed, had been replaced with the material. And that included the largest, densest bloom at the center of his chest where Jayce’s hammer had blasted right through. He pressed his hand to it, solemnly swallowing his apology for an act he could not afford to regret, and graciously felt Viktor’s heart thumping underneath, steady, faint. Alive.
Viktor’s hands also reached out to touch, to feel. They pressed at his forehead and he reached up to find cold metal by his hairline in the shape of fingers, the very place where the Machine Herald had touched him. Viktor then traveled downward, cool fingertips dancing across his chest, feeling out the scar he’d received from the chainsawing Chem-Baron. That one and the one on his back didn’t get a chance to heal properly before he was pulled into the Anomaly, where the Arcane continued to fester within his wounds. The rune fragment embedded within his wrist was also replaced by a web of gold. Then Viktor arrived at his lower leg, the one smashed through by his own hammer and he traced the pattern it left behind.
“How are you feeling?” Jayce decided to ask that question out of a million others that plagued his mind, and Viktor looked up, his brows furrowing slightly before a miniscule smile pulled at the corner of his lips, “I'm cold.”
Jayce let out a small chuckle as relief filled his chest and he helped his partner to his feet, an arm around his shoulder, “Let's get out of this wind then.”
They hobbled together towards the tree line, ducking behind a hillside to shield themselves from the rushing breeze. There didn’t seem to be civilization for as far as the eye could see, so they made do and planned out their survival routes with what they had in reach.
Gold filled into the places of their past injuries but it didn’t seem to fully heal them, as both their legs still suffered under their weight and Jayce’s first priority was making them some walking aids. Thankfully, his years travelling the wilds with his parents made him a resourceful enough survivor. With twigs, broken branches, and leaves and grass weaved together, they managed to fashion themselves some rudimentary leg braces and walking sticks. It took them the better part of the day to do it, and the sun had decided to set without waiting for them to catch up, as they had to quickly look for shelter before darkness took over.
The ground within the cave they settled into was chilly but dry enough, and Jayce expertly started a fire to bring some heat back into their trembling bodies. Brief flashes of the ravine he was trapped in sliced through his mind with each lick of the flame across the earthy walls and he winced. Viktor immediately noticed, a cold hand pressing against his arm and he used it to ground himself. He wasn’t alone this time, he had Viktor, he would always have Viktor and he would never let him go again. This was going to be okay.
They had much to discuss about all that happened, but both were too exhausted to gather their own thoughts, let alone form any meaningful words. So, with nary a discussion, they both silently agreed to ignore the problems for the time being and simply… rest. It had been so long since Jayce had known rest.
They were still very much naked, but there was no shame, no reservation when they had already bared their souls to each other, as Jayce gathered Viktor into his arms, sharing body heat, sharing warm breaths before the fire.
Viktor managed to pick a few berries and overripe fruits from the ground on their way in and they ate in companionable silence. He let out a little pleased hum and Jayce gave him a curious look over his shoulder.
With a noncommittal shrug, Viktor explained, “I forgot how it felt to eat. I haven’t exactly eaten in months. It’s nice.”
Right then and there, Jayce made a promise to himself that wherever they ended up, he would pull out all the old family recipes tucked within the recesses of his mind and cook a proper meal for Viktor, even if it was the last thing he did. He would lavish Viktor with all the wonders of life so that he couldn’t even remember what it was like before, what it felt to be made of machine, to be unfeeling.
“Warm enough?” He wrapped himself tighter around the man’s body now, rubbing their palms together as Viktor nestled in closer with a contented hum, “How about you? Your back is bare to the elements.”
“I’m fine,” his heart skipped a beat from Viktor’s concern for him, “I always burn hot. One of the benefits of being born a blacksmith. ‘Got the forge in your heart’, Dad used to say.” He smiled idly.
Viktor let out an amused exhale, “Is that what it is? I’ve always thought that’s because you lived on coffee instead of water.”
Jayce huffed lightheartedly, “Well, at least I didn’t put three pounds of sugar in my cup every day.”
They fell back into comfortable silence, mulling over the distant past that they should have cherished more while they still had it, and he could feel Viktor slowly drifting off, head lulling against his arm. Carefully and quietly, Jayce settled them both on the ground, scooting as close to the fire as they could without burning themselves. With his whole body, he was Viktor’s blanket, his shield, against the cold and the wilds, determined not to let another single thing happen to him. He knew that was an illogical objective to set for himself, but the universe had decided to grant them a second chance for whatever reason, and he’d be damned if he screwed it up again.
Never again.
***
He didn’t dream that night, a surprise to himself. Ever since that attack on the council, there wasn’t a night where he wasn’t inundated with bad dreams about everything that happened and everything that didn’t. Some nights, it was a constant loop of Viktor’s limp body, broken bones jostling in his arms as he ran through the city until his calves burned. Some nights, it was the searing pain of a chainsaw digging into his body, except the nightmares decided to wonder how it’d feel if the blades would go straight through his chest. Some nights, the boy from the Undercity, red-haired and blank eyes, would sit above him and just stared at him with a wordless accusation until restless slumber dragged him under again. Most nights since the caverns, it was the Arcane, the Anomaly, twisting at his mind with incoherent, meandering dreams of metallic people and gray skies.
Last night, however, it was a simple, quiet veil of black.
Except, it was Viktor who was having a bad dream in his stead.
His breathing was hastening, his frail body trembling as he jerked and fought against the demons in his mind. His heart raced as Jayce gently coaxed him awake, warm presence hopefully offering comfort. Amber eyes, so filled with terror and regret, shot open in the dark and looked at him pleadingly, as if he alone could absolve him of all his sins.
“It’s okay,” he muttered, trying to be convincing enough for the both of them, “You’re okay.”
“Did it all really happen?” Viktor asked, unbelieving in his half-dream state as his hand reached up to fit against the golden marks on his head. He leaned into the touch, his own palm seeking the mark on Viktor’s chest and they anchored one another. Tethered. “It did. We’re here, despite all the odds.”
Viktor chewed over the words, then his brows furrowed and he gently unlatched Jayce’s arms around himself and sat up, blinking wearily at the dwindling flame.
Jayce abandoned the idea of going back to sleep when Viktor firmly declared he was going out to get more wood for the fire. He wished he could reach out, he wished Viktor would talk to him, but this wasn’t something he could pressure out of the man, so he let him go.
The sky was pink with dawn, and Jayce stepped out into the world, naked as a jaybird and timidly hopeful for what the day might bring. He watched Viktor slink away behind the tree line and felt his heart pick up speed, but he needed to learn to trust the man, trust in his ability to handle himself, trust in their bond. Trust that he wouldn’t simply up and leave after everything they had been through.
To occupy his mind and keep himself from going mad with worry, Jayce busied himself by scouting around their makeshift shelter, picking up any food and supplies that they would need. The morning air was incredibly cold and he had to hightail back, a bunch of sticks, leaves, and fruits in his arms while chuckling to himself about how primitive they had to revert to in order to survive. But a second chance was a second chance, he wouldn’t dare to question the universe's decisions now.
Nestling back into their little hidey-hole, Jayce got to work. The few broad leaves he picked up were weaved together by the stem and he began making a blanket of sorts. It wouldn't be the best craftsmanship in the world, but it would help keep the cold wind from Viktor as they traveled, so it was the best he could do for the time being. By the time he was halfway through, Viktor had returned, a bundle of logs in one arm, and a half shell of water teetering and about to spill over.
“I found a fresh pond a little bit away. We should head there when it gets warm. Brought you some back in the meantime.” He seemed to be in a significantly better mood than when he left, or perhaps that was just because he was on task; Viktor always liked to distract himself by burying his head into work. Jayce took the water he brought back with gleeful gratitude anyway, smiling widely and trying to keep his heart in check. It baffled him just how enamored he was by the other man simply sharing chores with him.
“Thank you, Viktor.” He drank the half shell in one gulp, not realizing how thirsty he had been while Viktor eyed his project.
“What have you got there?” He sat down, nibbling at the fruits Jayce collected, as he continued working.
“I think I'm making a poncho…” He lifted the thing up and it was lousy at worst and passable at best as he chuckled, “It’s a poncho-shaped clothing item. Hopefully, we’ll find a town soon where we can get some actual clothes. If not, I could hunt us something to skin and wear, worst case scenario.” He began musing all the things to prepare if he really did need to hunt as Viktor let out a laugh. He knew the man was laughing at him but he couldn’t muster up the strength to be offended when the sound was so heart-achingly delightful.
How long had it been since he’d truly heard Viktor laugh? Not in one of his deranged hallucinations or self-soothing memories within the ravine, no, Viktor’s real, genuine laugh.
“What? You don’t think I can hunt?”
Viktor chuckled some more, absentmindedly offering Jayce some berries from his hands and Jayce was not as strong a man to deny such blessings. His chapped lips grazed Viktor’s fingertips as his partner fed him while he worked and he tried not to overthink the gesture. They had exchanged food in the lab plenty of times before, just never fully naked and in such tight quarters.
The other man stoked the flame and gazed out into the world beyond the cave, a smirk playing at his lips, “You’re a Piltie cityboy, born and raised in high society, with technology and every tool you would ever need at your fingertips. Yes, I have my doubts.”
Jayce feigned indignation with an exaggerated scoff, “Excuse you, House Talis wasn’t that high on the social ladder. Also, I wasn’t all cooped up in the city my whole life. I traveled with my parents and they taught me a whole lot of survival skills, thank you very much.”
“Hmm… we’ll see when I have a new mink coat.” Viktor smiled cheekily at him and how he’d missed the sight. How lucky he was to still be able to see it.
Words of admiration and affection threatened to escape his tongue but he bit them back, not wanting to freak Viktor out after he already had such a rough morning. So he distracted himself with his task and idle chit chat, musing about the past and planning for the future, talking round and round without acknowledging the elephant in the room. Viktor wasn’t ready to discuss it yet, so he wouldn’t push the matter.
After breakfast and after Viktor had laughed his heart out at his poor attempt at clothes making (though he still wore it proudly and graciously upon his shoulders), they headed out for the pond. Walking sticks in hand and each other’s palm in the other, they went up the hill and through the shrubs, climbed over roots and ducked under fallen trees until they arrived. It was a tranquil spot. A few alien looking critters ran off when they approached and Jayce made a mental note that life indeed still thrived in this timeline.
The pond allowed the canopy to open up to the sun and the radiant rays cast gently down at the water. He didn’t wait for much before diving in, splashing Viktor in the process and though he looked annoyed, the small smile he tried to hide wasn’t subtle. Jayce gulped down water eagerly as he swam around in the freezing cold, but his body soon adapted and he floated idly, feeling the sun shine upon his face, feeling the gravity ease off his aching leg.
“Come on in, V. Water’s delightful,” he coaxed, smiling up at his partner who was content to sit on the bank. Viktor shook his head, muttering lowly, “I’m not a good swimmer. It’s best not to…”
“I won’t let you sink, I promise. C’mon.” His heart ached at the look of pause in Viktor’s eyes, but he understood why perfectly. The last promise he’d made, he had wholly broken and as an effect, had irreversibly changed so many lives. Yet, Jayce refused to be regretful about it. Knowing what he knew, if he was given that same equation one more time, he would still make that exact same choice.
He gestured again, pleadingly, longingly, and after another beat of deliberation, Viktor took his hands and began wading into the water. His whole body shivered against the cold and Jayce chuckled, slowly letting him get accustomed to it before leading them into the deeper end.
Viktor’s arms looped above his shoulders as he helped him tread water. Their wooden braces had been taken off and their legs were free to move to the best of their abilities, the weightless water helped alleviate the pain as they swam. Viktor wasn’t kidding, he was quite bad at keeping himself afloat but Jayce would sooner die than let anything happen to him.
He realized the last time he’d seen Viktor with his hair wet like this was right out of the chrysalis and when Viktor had essentially left him. He would like to replace that memory with a better one now, as he reached out and brushed the wet locks away from his partner’s face, thumb brushing against the mole under his eye. Viktor’s eyes fluttered shut, droplets heavy upon his long lashes and Jayce wished to kiss them away. But he knew not how Viktor truly felt at the end of the day, so he settled for a press of his head against his partner, hoping to convey every unsaid affection he harbored through the touch alone.
He should feel guilty, he should feel like the most selfish bastard in the world for dooming everyone else because of his decisions, and yet, he could only feel warmth and happiness as Viktor’s arms encircled him and held him close. Maybe that made him a bad person, but when tender hands brushed across his skin, running wetly and warmly across the expanse of his shoulders, his chest, his back, he couldn't afford to care. Fingertips trailed along the golden lines upon his wrist where the fragment once sat and Viktor asked, snapping him out of his reverie, “Does it hurt?”
“No. It just feels like an old scar I guess.” His own hand found Viktor’s chest and Viktor pressed his body back into his palm, “And this?”
“I just feel your hand.” Viktor’s own came up to join his and he squeezed, the callouses on Jayce’s fingertips from scrabbling at the cavern walls seemed to glitter in gold if he looked really closely.
“It’s odd, isn’t it? It’s like the Arcane decided to mend our wounds with all this when it dropped us out here.” It was one of many theories he had been thinking over since they woke up in this new world. And he knew for a fact this was a new world, not only because of the interdimensional nausea they both experienced, but also because he could not feel the influence of the Arcane from anywhere within him. The rune crystal in his arm, the anomalous infections in his leg and his torso no longer hummed, no longer spread its viscous cling. Wherever they were, the Arcane had no powers, and Jayce would very much like to keep it that way.
However, that meant the treatment Viktor did to himself to escape death, to cure his disease would…
“What about your lungs?” He asked with a sudden urgency.
Viktor took a deep breath as if to test them out himself and he seemed surprised at the discovery. “I could be proven wrong later on, but… I think they’re alright for now. Breathing doesn’t feel as labored as it did before I stopped having the need for it.”
“Do you think there’s gold in your lungs?” Jayce asked with a smirk, a stupid hypothetical question but then Viktor decided to answer and he winced from the sudden violence of the image, “Well, when I die, you can perform an autopsy and see for yourself. If nothing, it's at least good scientific inquiry.”
Jayce didn't like that. His brows furrowed and his chest clenched tight.
Viktor gave him a sour look, “Aw come on now, you big baby. I was only joking.”
“I know.” Jayce tried not to pout but memories overcame him again, images of Viktor’s unmoving body in the rubble, of him taking his unneeded dying breaths on the ground of his sanctuary with a hole in his chest. It was simply too much to bear. “I don't like thinking about losing you again.”
Viktor’s knitted brows and dark eyes pinning him under his mournful gaze and he asked, still unbelieving, “You really, truly don't, do you? You keep on persisting…”
“And I will never stop. Never in a million lifetimes.”
“Why?” Viktor suddenly pushed him off, water sloshing between them as he made to move away. Jayce held on tight, not only to keep him afloat but also to keep him.
“Why? Because you're my partner, V.”
“In what sense of the word, Jayce?” He held his ground, teeth gritted in anticipation, and it pained him that Viktor didn’t trust his affection still, after everything they had been through.
Jayce clasped at his face, holding him steady as he confessed from the very depth of his soul, “In every sense of the word. In any sense of the word that you are willing to give me.”
Viktor shook his head once more and that only angered him, “I don't deserve this.”
“Fuck deserving!” He looked down at the water, concentrating on the ripples instead of the frustration within himself, not wanting to lash out at Viktor. “Can we just forget about what we do or don’t deserve? Will you just allow me to selfishly want you?”
“My selfishness was exactly what brought on the downfall of humanity.” Viktor shook his grip off and treaded away. He climbed out of the pond, unsteady legs finding purchase upon the mud as he gestured wildly, all his feelings and thoughts finally bubbling over like magma. “My desperation to cheat death, my foolish attempts to end the world’s suffering. What the hell did I know? My hubris was what caused so much destruction in the end. How dare I be here with you when so many lives were robbed because of what I did? So many lives I’ve killed.” Tears were streaming steadily down his face, yet his voice did not waver, his conviction unfaltering.
Jayce’s heart broke for him anew, and there wasn’t a thing he could say to refute those words. He’d seen firsthand, lived firsthand, the worst case scenario of their decisions, but that could not be their be-all end-all. He refused.
He swam to shore and rose to his feet to be on the same level as Viktor, palms open but not pushing, a wordless plea to let him in, as he held his teary gaze, “I won't lie and tell you none of that matters. I understand your guilt completely because I had a huge hand in it too, so please let me shoulder it with you.”
He gestured around them, running his hands over the golden marks the universe had given their reborn bodies, “We have a second chance here, a second life. Perhaps we could do something with it, we could do it right this time. Use it to help folks, just as we've always wanted, just as our Hextech dream had always been about.”
He didn’t know if any of what he said was reaching Viktor, but he would keep on trying until the end of time, no matter how long it took, no matter how many timelines it would require.
“It should never have been about the Hextech. It was supposed to be you and me. Me and you, Viktor.” He chuckled wetly, realizing he was on the verge of sobbing himself, from all the regret, from the grief for the people left behind, from the all-consuming devotion in his chest. Viktor made a move towards him and he took that as permission to take his hands, pulling him close, uttering into the tight space between them, “Viktor, I love you. I love you in every sense of the word, in every way, in every timeline and every possibility. Would you please do me the honor of trying it again in this one with me?”
Amber eyes, as warm as the sun above and as adoring as they had been since day one, spilled over with more tears and Jayce wiped at his cheeks, while his own hurt from smiling so widely, so desperately. And when Viktor squeezed his hands back, the relief that coursed through him was unparalleled.
“It's not going to be easy. I’m not going to be easy,” Viktor muttered quietly, fingers reaching up and splaying against the golden crown on Jayce’s head as if to remark the damage in their psyche, and Jayce nodded, “I don’t expect it to be easy. Our inventions had to blow up around fifty to a hundred times before we found progress. I’m willing to blow up with you a thousand more.”
Viktor rolled his eyes, scoffing with no malice, “That sounds like a line out of ‘An Inventor’s Playbook’.”
Jayce threw his head back in a laugh, feeling the tears dry against his cheeks, “Excuse you, that came straight from the heart.”
“Your forgeheart?” Viktor smiled, so beautifully and softly, as his hand tapped against his chest. Jayce wished Viktor could reach right through and take mentioned heart within, because it belonged to him anyway. Since the very beginning. Since before he even realized it.
“My forgeheart. It’s yours by the way, if you would have it.” He brought the hand up to his lips and pressed an ardent kiss to the knuckles, enjoying the way his partner’s face darkened with heat.
“Who knew you were such a bleeding romantic?” The hand drifted from his lips to his cheek, brushing against his beard before he settled at the back of his neck. Jayce couldn’t help the full body shiver from being touched so keenly and the quip he was about to throw back dried out upon his tongue.
As Viktor guided his head down, his mind blanked and all he could see, all he could feel, all he could think about was Viktor and Viktor and ViktorandViktor. A tear slipped from his eyes as his partner, his best friend, his love, his world, his beginning and his end, finally kissed him and he tasted of the berries they shared, of the freshwater they were wading in, of the sun dappled heat clinging upon the skin, and he was perfect. He was beautiful and he was perfect and he was everything Jayce had ever admired and wanted and adored.
And he realized he had been saying it all aloud when shiny amber eyes met his with a doubtful, yet heated look. “You really think so, don’t you?”
“I don’t so much think the grass is green, or the sky is blue. But I still should have said it more often.” He nodded to himself. If he had been a less oblivious man, he would have realized that Viktor had wanted, no, had deserved to be told he was beautiful and brilliant and brave and resilient and everything wonderfully truthful about himself more often. Jayce would not make the same mistake again. He would make sure Viktor knew every minute of every day that he was incredible and worthy of everything good. That he was perfect the way he was.
“You’re beautiful, too, Jayce. I think you should know too.” His smile was unburdened by guilt for the first time since they woke up in this land, and because he could now, Jayce pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, savoring his darling's presence.
“Digging the beard, aren’t you?”
Viktor laughed, an airy sound that had his heart taking flight, “I’m not complaining.”
He teasingly rubbed his furred chin against his partner’s neck, pulling more delightful laughter and giggles from his throat, “It kept me warm at night. You should grow yours out too. You looked very sage and wise in that timeline.”
Viktor pulled back, a displeased pout on his lips as he fixed him a look that Jayce dared to call jealousy, “Do you prefer that older, more sorcerous version of me?”
He immediately shook his head, then backtracked, “I mean, I adore you in whichever state you wish to be, I’m not going to… I mean, not that I’m any position to demand— What I meant to say is—”
He was yanked into a kiss that sufficiently shut him up and he melted in his grasp like putty, heart kicking up a storm in his chest. When their legs got tired of standing, they collapsed to the forest floor and continued kissing, chest to chest, heart to heart, and though their blood pooled lower, they had no need to rush or fumble into anything. They had all the time in the world, and an eternity to navigate it together as partners, as everything the word entailed and more.
After they had waded back in the water to wash off the mud and grass from rolling around in the dirt, they headed off for the future. They might have to start from scratch, but it was a clean slate the universe had given, and they would not squander it again. Jayce didn’t care that he was shivering in the cold, or his ass was wet against the dewy ground, or that he had to eat mushy berries and drink dirty water from a puddle. He’d lived through worse, and he’d go through it a million times again, because Viktor was beside him.
Gold shimmered upon their skin as they laid wrapped around one another before the fire, kissing and intertwining until one could not be distinguished from the other. One whole pair that would not survive without its other half.