Chapter Text
As the glass doors slid shut all Buck was left with was his own reflection staring back at him. The busy airport noise roared all around him but all he could hear was the echo of Eddie's goodbye and the hard staccato of his own heart. Eventually he was taken out of his own head by someone honking angrily and yelling at him to move his car. Buck jogged back to his jeep with his head hung low and a hand up in apology. He fought the tears as he pulled away from the airport but couldn't stop their path as he got onto the highway for the lonely drive back.
Without thinking he found himself pulling into a familiar driveway. While Buck had said that he was willing to watch over the house while Eddie worked on selling it there was no need to go right back to it. Still, Buck found himself opening the door and closing it gently as if he was still trying to mind the people in the home when all that was left for him there were ghosts. He found his way to the couch and plopped down with an arm over his eyes as he fully let himself feel and cry while surrounded by his favorite home that had suddenly felt so much colder.
His phone ringing out is what startled him awake. He rubbed his bleary eyes as he fished his phone out of his pocket and answered with groggy “Hello?” The house was dark now with the last of the sun's rays long gone.
“Hey Buck, just wanted to let you know I landed and I'm on my way to pick up my rental car.” Eddie’s voice came through the phone a bit grainy.
“Oh that's great. Glad you landed safely. How was your flight?” Buck turned away from the phone to sniffle a bit as the crying had congested him.
“It was fine, but are you okay Buck? You sound like you're getting sick.” The sound of an airport announcement could be heard in the background.
“Just allergies, nothing to worry about over here you just have to worry about Chris right now.” Buck got up and grabbed a tissue.
“I can worry about both of you, you know that right? I know this was all pretty sudden but just because I'm in Texas doesn’t mean you're not my friend, Buck. You can't get rid of me that easily.” Eddie let out a chuckle but Buck could hear right through it.
“Mhmm.” Buck rubbed his neck and sighed as he blinked hard. “Right back at you, but um I should probably let you go so you can get to Chris. Drive safe lo-” Buck caught himself and coughed. “Let me know how it goes.”
“I will, but only if you take it easy. I know you said it's allergies but it sounds like you're coming down with something. Don’t make me come back to LA just to make sure you take care of yourself.” There was the sound of a car starting and the faint click of a turn signal.
“I will take care of myself, pinky promise. Bye Eddie.”
“Bye Buck.”
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The next few days were a haze. Between work, errands, and regular facetime calls with the Diaz's, Buck felt like he had barely had a chance to sit down and breathe on his own. Once he got the chance it felt like his skin was crawling and the silence was far too loud for anyone to bear. He had mostly been staying at Eddie's with a night spent at his own place so he could get more clothes and be truthful that he spent time at the loft too.
Buck turned the T.V. on and the news channel was already there.
“This is Jason Arthur with News 8 live on scene of a horrific traffic accident caused by what early reports are saying is a drunk driver. At this time we know there was one victim dead on arrival and at least 5 others taken to a nearby hospital. I recommend staying off the 405 for at least a few hours as first responders clear the scene. Felicity, back to you.”
Shutting the T.V. off, Buck groaned and bent his head back to look at the ceiling. He felt bad for the people caught in the accident but he would rather be there helping them than alone on Eddie's couch because his best friend was in Texas, everyone else had their own families, and Buck had already reached his overtime maximum.
Opening the fridge granted him with a view of far too many food containers all because Buck didn’t know how to cook for one anymore. Nothing seemed appetizing so he looked in the pantry just to ge the same results. With the sun still having at least another hour in the sky Buc decided to throw on some sneakers and go for a run.
About a mile in he realized he had forgotten his cell phone and panicked that maybe Eddie had called while he was away. He would be leaving to get in line to pick up Chris and sometimes they liked to call on their drive back. Chris would let them both know about his day and ask when Buck was coming over for a visit.
He always said he would try to go but deep down Buck knew he couldn't. Seeing Eddie remake his life in El Paso would mean that it was official. Would mean that he was leaving him behind just like everyone else and what was meant to be a ‘so long for now’ would be a real goodbye.
Buck ran back and grabbed his phone from where it had been charging in the kitchen. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that there was a missed call but then confusion set in when he didn't recognize the number. He pressed play on the voicemail.
“Hello, this is Kayley Johnson calling from Centinela Hospital Medical Center for a Mr. Evan Buckley. Please call us back at 310-673-4660 when you get this message as it is an urgent matter.”
His heart dropped to his stomach and he couldn’t dial fast enough as he grabbed his keys and got into the Jeep.
“Hello, this is Evan Buckley. A Kayley Johnson called me from this hospital and told me to call back?” He was about to go to the 405 before he remembered what he saw on the news and went on the city streets instead.
“Oh Mr. Buckley. I will patch you through right now.”
There was some light jazz for a moment before a click then, “Hello this is Kayley, am I on the line with Mr. Buckley?”
“Yes, could you please tell me what this is about? I'm on my way to the hospital already but I need to know how serious it is and who.” Buck kept his white knuckled grip on the steering wheel as he tried not to let his eyes wander over to the phone. It was on speaker but he just wanted to see something, anything.
“First let me just say Evette is okay. She had to come in as a precaution but the carseat really did protect her in the crash.”
In that moment Buck was incredibly grateful to have been at a red light. As soon as the light turned green he went through and pulled into a street parking spot.
“I think there might be some confusion because I don't know anyone named Evette, much less a kid.” Buck was trying to breathe as the adrenaline that was keeping him going was draining from his system.
“Well her last name is Dollenmeyer. Does that ring any bells to you sir? Our system shows that you were put down as the father on the child's birth certificate.”
It took a second but the words slowly processed in his head and it was like the world stopped for a moment. His own heart was trying to run away from him and for a moment he wasn't breathing.
“Mr. Buckley?” Kayley asked softly.
“Natalia, the mom, is she?”
“Unfortunately because you are not technically her emergency contact or next of kin I cannot legally give you that information at this time but someone from CPS is here and they will be talking to you about what happened and next steps.”
Buck knew she was letting him know without really letting him know and he wasn't sure he could really process any of it yet. “I'll be there in 30, the traffic is really bad.” He sniffled and she gave her condolences before hanging up. Buck stayed in the parking spot and stared at his phone for a moment. His first instinct was to call Eddie and ask for his help and to go with him which was just another hit to his heart. Instead he pulled up Bobby’s contact and called him.
“Hey Bobby, I need your help with something.”
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Buck steeled himself for a moment in the car before walking in. It felt like he was watching someone else live through this as he walked up to reception who mapped him out to Ms. Johnson's office. He felt himself come back to his body when there was a tap to his shoulder and Bobby suddenly brought him into a hug. Athena was next and hugged him before they too received her visitor badges.
“Thank you guys for coming. I don’t even really know what is going on.” A little of the tension dropped from Buck's shoulders as they walked on either side of him down the hallway. That familiar bleach and antiseptic scent lingered in the air as Buck tried to stop himself from jumping around. “If this is all true I don't know why she didn’t tell me. I mean it's not like we ended on bad terms or anything; we just weren't right for each other.” He sucked in a quick breath then quietly asked, “Did she think I would be a bad dad?”
"Oh Buck, I don't think anyone who has seen you with a kid could ever think you would be a bad father.” Athena gently reassured.
“We may not know her reasons but it could have nothing to do with you. People are complicated and even more so when you involve children.” Bobby said with a pat to Buck's back as they rounded the corner and found themselves at the office. “You ready?”
Buck took a deep breath and gently knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
They opened the door and Buck couldn't help but find himself a bit disappointed that there was no kid. “Where is she? Is she not-”
Kayley interrupted him, “We can't just let her go with you right now Mr. Buckley.”
“Um, Buck, you can call me Buck.” He said as he wrung his hands.
“You were on the birth certificate but the child's grandmother has contested the custody so first we need to have a paternity test done to confirm.” A man in a gray suit said from the side of the room. “I'm Mr. Flores and I will be Evette's caseworker.” He held his hand out for Buck to shake. There was a slight smirk on his face. “After paternity is confirmed we will do a home visit just to be sure that you are able to bring her home. There will be a lot of paperwork and taking care of a child is difficult should you decide you want to continue with trying to get custody. I saw in the system that you are single but it appears that you have your parents with you which is good as they can help you with such a big change. Support systems are very important and we want to make sure you can handle this so we get the best outcome for Evette.”
Buck found himself opening his mouth to refute the claim that Bobby and Athena were his parents but he found himself nodding instead. “So can we do the paternity test now? How long does it take to get the results?”
“We can do the test today and results can take 3-5 days to process.” Kayley said.
“That long? Where will she be during that time? Is she going to be okay? If her mom…” Buck bit his lip. He couldn't bring himself to say it.
“She will be staying with foster parents in the meantime while we work on paternity and custody. She will be safe and I will be checking in with her and the foster parents during this process to make sure everything is okay. Or at least as okay as can be under the circumstances.” He grimaced.
“For the home visit, when would that be scheduled and what all would you need to see?” Athena asked, taking out her phone to take notes.
They discussed details for a while and Buck was doing his best to not panic. He went through with the collection for the test and was told they would contact him once they got the results. When they left he thanked Athena for writing everything down because it was all so overwhelming.
“Oh God I have to baby proof the loft…” Buck stared at his own hands like they had done something to offend him. “How am I supposed to take care of a baby by myself? People usually get 9 months to prepare but I might have less than a week.” His breathing became quick and labored as his bad thoughts banged around his brain like a pinball machine with the speed of a bullet train.
Bobby guided Buck to sit on a nearby bench and rubbed his back as Buck just tried to breathe. “9 months or a week I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to be a parent. Plus you've got a big thing wrong, kid. You're not alone. You have us, your sister, and the rest of the firehouse. Speaking of, have you talked to Eddie about this?”
“He's in Texas,” he said blankly.
“And? You two are normally attached at the hip. Just because he's in Texas for a bit doesn't mean he wouldn't want to be here for you now.” Athena said.
“He's focusing on Chris and his joy. I don't want to drag him down with my issues. Not that having a kid is a bad thing or anything. It's kind of the thing I want more than anything in the world.” Buck said softly before taking another deep breath. “I don't want him to feel bad about leaving. He needs to focus on his family.” He tightly closed his eyes and when he opened them he couldn't bring himself to look up at either of them.
“Look, I can't tell you what to do, but what I can tell you is that I think it would be best if you called Eddie and talked to him about this. We'll support you either way of course, but this isn’t the time to cut him out. You should let him decide how he feels about everything instead of deciding for him.” Bobby said.
“Why don't you come back to our place and we'll start researching what to buy so you're ready?” Athena asked as he stood up and held out her hand for Buck.