Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

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About the Bonifacie discovery

Haneul,

The enclosed papers were found plastic-wrapped at the scene. Please handle carefully, as they are quite old and fragile. None of the dates have been confirmed yet, but I do have a surprise waiting for you at the end. It’s going to shock you, I promise.

Once you have read everything, please get in touch immediately. Discussions are needed.

With regards,
Fadematou Njifenji-Faure

///

April 1st

Dear Diary,

Me and Kagami saw a fox today. It was near Père-Lachaise, which we already knew had a little fox family in it! But we weren’t expecting to see one today, so it was a bit of a surprise. Kagami went on a little tirade about foxes afterwards, but like a good tirade, where she just talked a lot about them and it was interesting.

I don’t remember all of it very well, but she said foxes are shapeshifters and divine spirits or something, and that they can live to be a thousand years and have a lot of tails when they’re a spirit. She said they’ve been important animals for almost two thousand years, since the Yayoi (?) period, because when there were good crops there were also more rats, and that meant there were more foxes because they ate the rats. So they were symbols of good luck. I think that’s really cool. Imagine having an impact on the world that will be remembered for two thousand years or more?

I don’t have a big head about myself exactly, you already know that, but I think it’s cool to think about this stuff. I want to have an impact on the world too. And it’s fine if I’m forgotten personally, just like nobody remembers the individual foxes who lived in Yayoy or however you spell it, but if I could maybe do something good that won’t be forgotten about. I’d like that, I think.

As always, sincerely yours — Marinette ♥︎

July 9th

Dear Diary,

Nonna told me today that I didn’t look a day older from last year. I know she’s very bad at guessing my age, though, and last year she gave me a shirt for a 7-year old and also a motorbike, so I don’t really trust her.

Anyway, it’s my birthday today! But you already know that. I had a good party with all my friends, not a surprise this year, because I think they all gave up on that after last year. We just hung out in the park. Adrien gifted me a hand blender — he’s so amazing!! Alya didn’t agree, though, I don’t know why. I mean, we already have a good blender in the kitchen, but just because it’s his gift I’m going to use it until it breaks. Can you believe how tall he’s gotten? All the boys are having growth spurts now, it’s crazy. Max is nearly a head taller than me all of a sudden. Adrien and Nino, too, they’re so tall I just look straight into their chests when I meet them!

It’s not just the boys, though. I feel like everyone’s taller than me these days. Me and Kagami are still the same height, but Alix and Mylène and Rose and Sabrina have just shot up into the sky. By that, I mean they’re around the same height as me now, and I think Rose and Sabrina are going to go a bit higher, and I already know Alix is gonna be pretty tall. Because she’s Bunnyx, duh! But I guess they were all just meant to be taller than me. I mean, Mum’s pretty short, and Alix’s dad is tall and so’s Mylène’s dad and both of Rose’s parents. Maybe I’ll be the shortest girl in school one day? That’d be weird. And annoying. Ugh , I really don’t want to be the shortest girl. I want to have a growth spurt too.

Also, Alya got me a Spider-Gwen comic, and Kagami got me so much fabric I’m going to fall over! There’s so much! I think she must have spent like three hundred or something, it’s crazy. I got more fun stuff too, but I don’t have time to write everything down so I’ll end it here. It was a great birthday! I’m happy. ♥︎ ❀

Love you — Marinette!

December 2nd

Dearest Diary,

I swear, Alya is driving me crazy sometimes. And I know I drive her crazy a lot, so I can’t complain about it either. Ugh! Anyway, she insists on bringing her camera out on missions, so she can get really close shots of the fighting when there’s an akuma. And I tell her no, everyone will know who filmed it from the angle, and then Scalia will find her and send akumas after her, and everything will be ruined! But she just says it’s fine, because she will credit the videos to Rena Rouge, and nobody will know. But like no, they will figure it out, and Scalia is a lot smarter than Gabriel. I don’t want to give her any hints. Also it’s going to make it harder for Alya to fight! Ugh.

Anyway, she’s my best friend and you know that. It’s not like I don’t write hearts around her name all the time. I just wish she’d listen to me once she got an idea into her head.

We fought an akuma today, which is why I’m complaining right now. Alya did put the phone down in the end, so it was fine, but we really had to talk her out of it. Kagami is good at convincing. She can even convince me sometimes, you know? Did I tell you I told them about each other’s identities yet? Well I did, in September, and I skimmed my September entries so maybe I didn’t tell you. Anyway, I told them — wait, I just wrote that down… (Stupid me, using pens for my diary!) I probably won’t reveal any other identities just like that, though. Not until we win and get Nooroo back.

The akuma was weird, though. Alim got akumatised into Cinquan, and had the power to turn people older. I was actually the first person to get hit, because we were there for school and he was telling us about the Egyptian exhibit. Anyway, I got hit before I transformed, but I didn’t get any older, I think. He said he could turn anyone fifty years older, but I think that was a metaphor, because it really wasn’t the same for everyone. Me and Alya both got hit and we didn’t age, while Cat Noir and Alix got hit and… disappeared? I think that means he killed them by making them too old?

That’s how we won, too. Cinquan just froze after Alix disappeared. She was Bunnyx at the time of course, and he knows who she is, so I think he was shocked out of being angry when she got disappeared. He even begged us to defeat him and break his object so he could get his daughter back. We didn’t believe him at first but he turned out to be genuine! Which was good. I still get terrified when my friends die in akuma attacks, because it’s like I failed them, you know? I know I can get them back, so long as I win, but that doesn’t make it not scary. And what if I fail? It’s even scarier to lose someone than to lose my Miraculous, I think, because even though Gabriel got the wish everyone was okay afterwards. I’m not going to ever let it happen again, but… losing a friend is so much worse. And if I lose a friend, then I have to win, and that’s just… I don’t know. It’s scary. Very scary.

But I’ve rambled long enough, this is two whole pages! Talk to you later.

Faithfully yours, Marinette

December 14th

Dear Diary,

Today, Adrien’s hand mixer broke. I don’t think I will tell him. It lasted… twelve uses, I think? He’s not used to normal people gifts, poor him.

He’s started growing a moustache, too! Shudder shudder. It’s not a very big moustache, but I don’t think I could stand kissing him with it. It’s like Cat Noir — if he had whiskers, I’d never have been into him. I prefer smooth kisses. Told Kagami about it and she laughed and told me I should just date girls instead, because boys are just gonna get hairier from here on. Imagine that! Me, dating girls! Actually, I am imagining it, and it doesn’t sound too bad. If it was Alya or Juleka, I might. But I’m straight as a pole, and Adrien’s too hot to drop. If he gets a full-on beard, though, I might just quit him. (That’s a joke! I love him. ♥︎ )

Just a short one today! All the best — ❀ Marinette ❀

April 17th

Scalia keeps getting worse. It’s like she’s going after me personally — I think she has been going after me the whole time, honestly…

Sorry! I forgot to say hello. Hi, Diary. I’m just cooling off a bit. Today, Grandpa got akumatised because he was upset about the way I baked the bread I gave him. But it was good bread! And ugh. That makes four akumatisations in a row that happened because of something I did, and what I did wasn’t even bad! You know I have low self esteem, but today was so annoying, because he was just a little upset about the spice I added to the dough! And spice in the dough is good, right?

Blargh. Bleh. Ugh. Ugh . Sorry, I’ll stop. It’s not even his fault, he just pushed me over the edge, I think. It’s Scalia’s fault. Is it wrong for me to wish he would still shut up, though? Like, he’s still my grandpa, but… I don’t know. I don’t want to be mean, I don’t. But it’s not my fault, right? It’s not like I made anyone angry for a good reason…

Except Ivan, of course. He deserved to get angry, but it wasn’t on purpose. And I made friends with him again afterwards, he’s so lovely. It makes me mad that Scalia’s making him hurt people when he doesn’t even want to hurt a fly.

I promise, I’ll be less sad tomorrow. I just need to sleep it off, I think.

Love love,

Marinette.

August 30th

Dear Diary,

People keep giving me and Adrien weird looks in public. We were in the park today and we held hands, and a woman just tutted at us! How rude is that? Adrien does look a few years older than me, but it’s not that bad, is it? And even if he maybe looks a bit older, we’re the same age.

I’m not sure what to do about it. I wish I could give Adrien a youth cream or something that just made him look exactly like he did when I met him. But he’s so much taller than me, and he’s gotten more bulky too. I don’t know why he’s grown up so much. It’s kind of hot, but — like, I’m definitely annoyed at the people wagging fingers at us, but I do feel like he’s growing up a lot faster than me. I kind of stopped growing up at thirteen! I’m still the same height! I still have the same boobs. Adrien says my hands are very soft. Actually, everyone says that. About my hands, not my boobs (thank God.)

It’s still terrible to imagine having periods for 35 more years, though. I got mine again today, and it almost made me want to slap that tutting woman at the park. And to just sit still in bed for a bit after I’m done writing. It’s fine, I have chocolate.

(Is it my period speaking when I say I want to put Adrien in a chair and shave the moustache off him? Because I do. I don’t think I felt like this yesterday. It’s probably my period. I don’t want to be mean to him, especially when he says it grows back so fast.)

Okay! That’s it. Thanks for listening. Love you,

♥︎ Marinette ♥︎

September 3rd

Dear Diary,

I think I’d prefer to never be in the news ever again. Not as Marinette, not as Ladybug. I feel like every time there’s a picture there’s a greater chance of being found out by someone. I’d really like for that not to happen, but I guess the news are going to be the news no matter what I wish for. Oh well.

Much love — Marinette ♥︎

October 3rd

Dear Diary,

Scalia is defeated! We got the butterfly Miraculous back, finally.

… And I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now. I’m not happy, but I’m not sad either. I think I just need to let it sink in a bit. You know? I’ve been Ladybug for over five years… and it’s like all that is just over now. I’m still the Guardian, so it’s not like I won’t see the kwamis any more. I just feel weird.

Yeah. I think I’ll just think about it. I don’t have much else to say right now.

Marinette

October 4th

Okay, I’ve thought a lot since yesterday. Sorry for just leaving you hanging, Diary.

I’m actually happy. I won’t have to worry about akumas anymore! I can just focus on my university work, it’s been kind of hard to think about everything at once. Plus all the kwamis are safe and happy, and things should be safe now, because future Bunnyx didn’t ever mention any other villains we’d have to defeat (that didn’t turn out to be akumas), so I think that means it’s safe? So I’m happy. I feel happy, but also I feel some other things, if that makes sense? I’ll make a list.

Happy : Nooroo is back. Akumas gone. We won.

Weird : Scalia was Lila. She really hated us. Everyone was celebrating, but I didn’t feel like it. The news asked weird questions.

Bad : I’m the shortest hero? Alix looks like future Alix now. Cat Noir is so tall and he’s got wrinkles. Cat Noir said he wants to quit being a hero.

I know it’s weird for me to want him to stay. I don’t control him, or any of the others, and he seems happy so I should be happy for him. But — it’s like a part of my life is disappearing. You know? I wonder if I can still convince him to stay…

All the others are my friends outside of costume, so I’m fine with them not being heroes, we’ll still be friends. If Cat Noir leaves, though, I don’t know if he’ll still be my friend out of costume? And I don’t know what he’s like underneath. He really looks a lot older than me now, even though we started out like the same age. I didn’t tell you this, but I asked him a few weeks ago if he’d changed places with his brother, and it was kind of a joke but he seriously looks like he’s an adult. Like someone with an adult job. Not a joke adult like me, who’s just at university and studying art history and I don’t have my own place to live yet. He has a moustache, too, and it’s a bit funny because cats have moustaches but his doesn’t look like one.

I’m rambling. Sorry, I… I’m not done thinking. I need to think a lot more. And talk to Alya, and to Cat Noir.

M

—

LADYBUG LUCKS OUT A WIN

After five years of akumas, youthful heroine suggests the time for heroes is over

Five years. Five hundred akumas. Five evil Miraculous holders. A galactic coincidence — or just lucky chance? Ladybug, Cat Noir, and their team of superheroes have been fighting to keep Paris safe for a half decade, but now it seems they have finally won.

— I’m happy that it’s finally over, sighs the black-spotted heroine.

It was September 1st, 2015, when the world of superheroes and supervillains came to Paris. On that date, Hawk Moth made himself known to the city — and the young heroine Ladybug Lucky Charmed her way into our hearts along with her sidekick, teenage heartthrob Cat Noir.

Yesterday, she stood on the Eiffel tower and made the announcement that she’d recovered the last of the Miraculous, which enabled the villains Hawk Moth and Scalia to carry out their campaigns of terror. Today, she made another public appearance to talk to the news and the public, along with her heroic comrades.

— The time of akumas is over. Parisians can now rest safe in their beds, she announced. The outside crowd responded quickly, by chanting Ladybug’s name over and over.

— I can’t believe it’s finally over, says Jeanne Calmels, a woman we interviewed outside the venue.

— I’m very proud of what the heroes have achieved today, agrees André Bourgeois, former mayor of the city and father of disgraced ex-heroine Queen Bee.

The Scalias of Justice

But not everyone shares in the optimism.

— I don’t believe it’s really over, says Thuy Trân Jeune, another woman we spoke to outside. — We already had new villains appear after we thought it was over.

Indeed — a year after Hawk Moth’s first appearance, the new villain Scalia appeared. Her methods were similar to Hawk Moth’s, and it soon became clear that she was using the same weapon as he had. Her reign lasted for four years, but Ladybug assured the gathered journalists that this time, it was actually over.

— The weapon they used was the butterfly Miraculous. That Miraculous has now been recovered. We lost it after the defeat of Monarch, but this time I’m wearing it, claimed Ladybug, to unified assent from the other heroes. To demonstrate, she transformed into a purple-toned and winged version of her superhero outfit, which she called Ladyfly. The room quickly filled with applause.

Neither Scalia’s nor Hawk Moth’s identity have been made known to the public, but the heroes claim that justice has been served.

— We have presented Scalia to the authorities, who will decide what to do with her. It’s not our place to inform the city who was behind the mask. We’ll leave that to the police and the courts, says Rena Rouge.

But what about the other villains? We asked what might happen if Queen Bee, Mayura and Argos turned evil again. Ladybug quickly dismissed the question.

— They’re not evil. They just needed guidance. Argos has been a valuable member of the team for years, and Mayura has helped us in the background, said Ladybug.

However, she seemed less certain about Queen Bee, the not-so-secret alter ego of Chloé Bourgeois:

— Chloé just had bad influences on her life. I hope she’s doing better now. I won’t trust her to be a hero again, but she’s not evil. She just needs time, said Ladybug.

Chloé Bourgeois is currently studying abroad, and was unavailable for comment.

The Twilight of the Heroes

So how do Ladybug’s heroic allies feel about her?

— She’s amazing. She’s the smartest person I know, opines Cat Noir. The ageing alley cat seems almost like a fatherly figure next to his youthful partner, who’s quick to shoot back praise of her own.

— Without Cat Noir, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. He’s been a fantastic partner.

— Ladybug has been an inspiration to all of us, says Bunnyx.

— I’m very proud of her, smiles Ryuko.

However, at the twilight of the heroes, it seems that not all of them have experienced the same five years. The majority of them seem to have aged into young adults, who might well be completing their undergraduate degrees in universities around the city, but three of them — Rena Rouge, Ryuko, and Ladybug herself — could still be mistaken for middle schoolers.

We asked Ladybug if the Miraculous had secretly changed hands over the course of the last five years. She seemed surprised at the question.

— I’m still the same Ladybug from five years ago, she claimed, a comment that seems apropos given how similar she looks to her past self. She added:

— Cat Noir is also the same.

No matter whether she speaks the truth or not, it seems likely that the people of Paris can now finally rest easy in their beds. But for anyone who’s worried about future supervillains, the always-joyful heroine Pigella has this suggestion:

— Always remember to love each other! Nothing can get us down if we stay happy and positive!

—

October 7th

Cat Noir knows who I am.

October 10th

Dear Diary…

I’m sorry I haven’t written for three days. I try to write every day, but the last four days have been horrible. I just needed some time away to think and talk to people, and not just sit in my room. But I’m better now, so don’t worry. I’m not good but I’m better.

So…

Cat Noir knows I’m Ladybug. He says he’s known for four years, and he just never told me. Apparently Félix told him, and I’m angry and upset but like… is that wrong of me? They say they didn’t tell anybody else, but that still means Alya and Kagami and Luka and Alix and Félix and Cat Noir all knew for years, and I only told Alya, and Kagami told Félix and then he told Cat Noir, and I’m so angry because they’re keeping secrets from me and not telling me something I really need to know! But also it’s not like anything bad happened, so I feel bad about being so angry, too. Is it wrong for me to feel like they should have told me? That he should have told me?

Because Cat Noir is also Adrien. He told me that right before he told me he knew my identity. I’m not angry about that, but I’m not happy either, and… I don’t know. I’m going to write a lot and might have to use three or more pages here, but I just feel so weird and it’s mixing with the upset and I feel kind of light-headed and queasy at the same time, like I’m standing on a high place.

I love Adrien. I really love him. I really really REALLY love him, he’s everything to me. I think that makes it fair that I’m angry, doesn’t it? Or does it? Please tell me, Diary. I love him, but when I heard he was Cat Noir… it felt so strange. I should be happy to know my boyfriend is also my hero partner, and that he loves both sides of me. I should be happy to know that I didn’t betray him when I fell in love with Cat Noir too. Do you remember that, Diary, when I cried on you that day? Do you remember all the times I compared Adrien to Cat Noir to say how much better Adrien was? Do you remember how stupid and childish I used to be?

But when he transformed to show me, I realised something. And it’s so mean to him, I hate myself for saying it, but he looks — old. I got so used to thinking of Adrien as my boyfriend that I tried to ignore it, but I didn’t do the same thing for Cat Noir and it’s bugged me a lot that he looks so much older than me, even if we’re the same age. But when he detransformed into Adrien in front of me — I don’t know! But I felt like I was seeing everything with new eyes. Why is he so old? He’s got wrinkles and grey hairs and when we held hands, it was like, he was scratchy and coarse and I used to think he had the softest hands ever. I’m so mean to him! But we’re the same age, right? We’ve always been.

I’m probably not making sense to you, sorry for being so messy. I just haven’t put my thoughts in order yet, but I feel like I’m the worst person in the world! Because —

— Diary, I’m admitting this to you before I’m admitting it to anyone else, but I feel like I don’t love my boyfriend anymore after today. It’s not about what he did, because I’ve been mad at him before and I still loved him! And it’s not that I don’t love him, I love him, but I also just… don’t?

Please slap me awake, Diary. I feel like I’m having a bad dream. I love who he is, but I don’t love what he looks like. I’m so shallow! I’m the worst! But when I look myself in the mirror I feel like I look fifteen years old, and when I look at him he looks like my dad! Well, Dad still looks a tiny bit older. And Adrien probably just ages very quickly, and Cat Noir too, but — oh, I’m stuffing it all up again. I’m just so confused.

What I meant to say was, Alix has also aged a lot. And Luka has aged a lot! Luka doesn’t look as old as Adrien, but maybe he looks (I don’t know) a few years younger? This can’t be normal. My boyfriend and my dad should not have as many wrinkles and grey hairs as each other, and my boyfriend shouldn’t be getting liver spots at twenty. Of course it’s not his fault, I don’t blame him! But… I’m so confused. I love him, but I feel like I can’t love him much longer. People keep whispering in the streets and he’s getting self-conscious about it, but he says he loves me too despite all that. But when he looks forty, I just…

I’m so sorry. I’ve rambled so much, and it’s not like you can do anything about it. I just needed someone to talk to. I’ll look into it if maybe he has a condition, because maybe we can fix it. Or maybe I can do something with Tikki?

Like, part of me doesn’t even care that he didn’t tell me he knew I’m Ladybug. It’s more important to me to keep him. There! I’m mad at him, but it doesn’t matter. It’ll pass. But — I’ve said “but” too many times today. I’ll stop now. I’ll stop writing, and let you breathe, dear Diary. I’ll write you again tomorrow, I promise.

Marinette.

October 11th

… no.

November 4th

~~~~~~~

To Marinette

31.10.

I am writing to you because you seem unwilling to respond to phone calls or messages, and I assume this means you are stressed. I hope you will still read a letter. If you do, please send me a message, so I know not to break down your door with my sword. I will do so if I don’t hear from you within four days.

All the best wishes, your friend

Kagami Tsurugi

Heiress to the Tsurugi family

~~~~~~~

Hi, Diary. I pasted Kagami’s letter here so you know what I’m talking about today, but I guess you won’t be surprised to hear that my door is broken now. It’s not even my fault, because the letter wasn’t in the mailbox yesterday.

I guess I should be annoyed. But honestly, I think I needed to see her. Or someone, but I’m glad it was her. I haven’t really left the house in a month, so now that I’ve thought about it for a day I’m okay with it. She brought home-made onigiri, too, and I haven’t really tried them before but they’re nice, and they made up for the broken door.

Egh… I’m tired, Diary. I broke up with him. Adrien. I… couldn’t do it anymore. Even though I told you I didn’t care, you could probably tell I was lying, right? I think I love him as a friend. But thinking about him as a boyfriend felt like I was lighting a candle right underneath my heart and just constantly getting burned. But also, I think I kept doing it because I can’t stand the thought of being alone. I need someone, Diary, and I need someone I can actually hold onto with my hands. And I probably don’t need to say this, but I can’t date an actual teenager. I’m twenty. The idea of finding a boy in middle school to date so people won’t look at us weird is just disgusting.

Anyway… that’s why Kagami broke down my door. I broke up with him on the 12th, on the phone. Since then I haven’t gone outside at all. That’s why Kagami got worried. So I don’t have a door now.

I wonder how she’s doing with Félix? I didn’t ask her. Does she feel weird about looking so young with him? He doesn’t look anywhere near as old as Adrien, instead he looks like he’s maybe nineteen or something. So I guess it’s not that weird. She can make it work. But if Alya’s theory is right, that’s not going to be true for much longer. Actually, what about Alya and Nino?

Diary… I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for a while. I’m still not done with that. But I guess having my door literally snapped in half opened up the outside world again. I didn’t really think about anyone else a week ago. Just about myself. So I guess that’s a good thing overall.

I’m going to have some more onigiri. Thanks for listening, Diary. I’ll write in you more often now.

Also, given that me and Adrien know each other’s identities now… I think I should do that thing I talked about and just have everyone know everyone’s identities? It might be nice…

❀ M

—

TIME WAITS FOR SOMEONE

Achille Bellegarde-Courbet

The grounds of Sorbonne Université’s Jussieu Campus have long been the site of history. From the time of Marie Skłodowska-Curie, through the uproar of the 1968 student protest movement, and to the recent shakeup that established the division between today’s universities, the institution has an almost timeless quality to it. This quality is well reflected in the vast and intricate science that’s been carried out in its halls.

— It’s like history is watching us from the walls, says Alya Césaire, current first year graduate student.

Perhaps Mlle Césaire understands this better than most as a student of chemistry. Marie and Pierre Curie both watch over her as she starts work on her master’s thesis, not only in spirit but also in painted body, mounted on the walls in the very building where she works. Not only that — three other Nobel laureates of chemistry walked these halls in their time.

The most recent one, Emmanuelle Charpentier, won the award in 2020 for her ingenious work on genome editing through the now-famous CRISPR method, along with American Jennifer Doudna.

It’s not a secret to anyone that the universities of Paris pump out brilliant students. These days, however, they also bring in medical cases to be studied on their own merits. From the lycée graduate class of 2018, six students have just started a research project into their very own lives — where they look for answers to why they seem to get older at different rates.

— We’re all basically the same age, says Luka Couffaine, who is one of the six students, and particularly one of the three who agreed to sit down with us for an interview.

A first-year graduate student of musicology, Luka could be thought to be in his thirties, with some grey strands popping out among his teal-tipped black hairs, and the faint impression of wrinkles on his face. He is handsome, relaxed, and reportedly very popular with the postdoctorate girls, despite being a decade their junior.

— Alix and I are a year older than the other four, but that’s the largest age gap we have.

— We’ve been hanging out since the last year of collège, and at that time we looked essentially the same, adds Alya, who is another of the three students. Unlike Luka, she appears to be fourteen or fifteen, and her curly auburn hair frames her rounded features pleasantly.

In addition to her chemistry studies, many Parisians may remember her as the erstwhile editor of the Ladyblog, the website dedicated to the superhero Ladybug. The site went defunct not long after Ladybug’s victory over Scalia. Still, Alya’s journalistic instincts and attentive eye seem as sharp as ever.

— Alya looks essentially the same. The two of us looked a lot younger at the time, laughs Alix Kubdel. She studies biochemistry and seems closer to forty, and the hints of white in her hair are fighting against her natural red. However, she still exudes a youthful energy that rivals that of any teenager, despite her aged features. Most of the wrinkles on her face only truly appear when she smiles.

It’s hard to believe, looking at the three of them, that they would all have started collège within a year of each other. Of course, it’s not entirely unusual to see older people returning to university to finish old degrees, or get a new education. In that sense, Luka and Alix don’t stand out a lot. However, Alya and her fellow baby-faced students are sometimes asked why they are at university when they look so young.

— There’s a woman who goes to most of my lectures who’s doing her second graduate degree, and several lecturers have assumed that I’m her daughter, mentions Alya. — It’s a bit embarrassing for both of us, to be honest. She doesn’t look like me at all.

The same holds true for the other three students, who agreed to meet with us but did not want to be photographed or named. However, we were allowed to mention that one of them studies biochemistry along with Alix, one studies humanities at Paris Sciences et Lettres, and one studies social sciences at the same university. That university is also Luka’s normal haunt. We were also allowed to comment, for the sake of the story, that Alix’s co-student is the third that looks unusually old, while the two unnamed PSL students look unusually young. A perfect 3:3 division.

It’s clear that all of them remain good friends, from the way they interact with each other. The three PSL students also frequently visit Jussieau because of the master’s project that Alya and Alix have initiated together.

— We want to figure out what’s happened, says Alix with a clear glint in her eye. — It’s fascinating. We have some ideas about what it is, but with science you can’t just skip the examination stage.

— I don’t have a scientist’s eye myself, but she’s right, agrees Luka. — And besides, if we ask these questions now, then we can help other people if the same thing happens again.

They are also collaborating with a student of medicine, and their thesis project — unusually, in the world of hard science academics — was one they came up with and defined entirely on their own. Their project has been a smash hit at the institute, drawing attention even from department and faculty staff that have no connection to it.

— The university was very kind to let us work on this, smiles Alya.

Their story has also gathered local interest, which is maybe not unremarkable given this marked difference in appearance. Now, after seven months of work, they meet with us to discuss what their work looks like, and if they have discovered anything yet.

— We haven’t, sighs Alix. — Science takes time.

— But our preliminary theory is that it’s caused by the akumas that were going around a while ago, Alya shoots in. She shakes her head and looks out the nearby window, which shows a sunny city: however, it also features a large building, cast in gloomy shade. 

— The thing is, we were right next to the school that was hit by the most akuma attacks. It would make sense if that had an effect, but we just don’t know enough yet. And if that’s the cause, then why didn’t more people get affected?

Luka also sighs, but his sigh ends in a mild smile. — There are many questions, but I’m sure they’ll discover a lot of interesting answers. And maybe even new questions.

— This is science, so we’ll definitely find more questions than answers, concludes Alix. — But we’ll do the tests, and we’ll do them thoroughly.

Alya does not look back from the window. It’s clear that whatever they’re going through, both inside and outside the laboratory, is weighing on her. Perhaps it’s the pressures of looking so young in an institution that often skews older?

We ask them if their relationships have been affected by their different ages, and if they think this project can bring any closure to them and their loved ones.

— Well… I thin’

///

(The paper was torn up like this inside the plastic when we found it. Fadematou)

///

IS LADYBUG IMMORTAL?

Concerned Citizen

We have all seen the pictures by now. Ladybug, the once hero, showed up in public again to assure us that we are still protected by her. Her appearances always make a buzz in the media, including in this very newspaper, and article after article is written to compliment her.

This is of no concern to me. I have no problem with Ladybug protecting us. Still, I can’t help but notice that every time she appears — at summer and winter solstice, seems to be the pattern she’s landed on — public comments uncritically repeat the two same points. Firstly, that she is the ‘Protector of Paris’, and secondly, that she looks ‘youthful’ and ‘pretty.’

Does she really? I can’t argue that she doesn’t look young. But a side-by-side comparison of pictures from when she first appeared, and pictures from last Monday, will tell anyone with eyes that she looks the exact same. [sigh. Is this really getting published in La Monde?] Is this not highly suspicious?

It is unquestionable that she is the same person now that she has always been. This would be impossible, if we consider that she still looks like a middle schooler, unless one single fact is true: Ladybug is an immortal being, who originates in Egypt five thousand years ago.

Many people laugh at me when I propose this theory. However, evidence is increasingly mounting to support my idea. [I can’t. I just can’t. Agh!] Not only is she clearly untouched by the passage of time, there are also visual representations of her that date back to prehistoric times. The earliest depiction of her that we can trace is from an Egyptian papyrus that dates back to roughly 3300 BCE. This is preserved in the Louvre, and anyone who wants to can read it to confirm that what I say is true.

Another representation can be found in Namibian legends about a heroine called Mudekudeku, a Bantu name that means ‘The great ladybug’. Their recountings are of a powerful young girl who used a round weapon connected to a string, likely what we today call a yo-yo. [This idiot, agh] Finally, Jeanne d’Arc was historically associated with the same insect, and her legend talks about her appearing out of nowhere at age fourteen, then disappearing five years later. Some say she was murdered, but I think that was a ruse to enable her to escape attention.

So Ladybug is immortal. [No! I’m not!] What’s the problem with that? Well, having an immortal hero is frightening in one way. What if Ladybug one day decided to fly down, rip off the roof of the Palais de l’Élysée and grab the president of France right out of his office? Who would have stopped her? Can we trust that someone who is so different from us can really be on our side, if she [......] doesn’t understand what it’s like to be human?

However, my main concern with Ladybug is that she seems to bring subtle destruction with her. While she has saved the city numerous times, she also seems to cause problems for people near her. Cat Noir, whose last appearance was right after Scalia’s capture, seemed haggard and drained. From his first appearance as a boy in his early teens, the difference was palpable. Other heroes who assisted her, such as Bunnyx, had also clearly grown older. I propose that she is immortal because she drains life from her co-workers in order to maintain her youth.

Some might think I am overreacting with this, or think that I am attacking Ladybug. However, my concern is different. Like I said, I think Ladybug did a good job of protecting us. Even so, I am forced to ask the question: is our youth a worthy price to pay in order to avoid a few disasters? Is Bunnyx’s sacrifice worth it? [... Jalil, I’m sorry. But it’s not like that. I swear.]

That is all.

///

(The notes between the lines here seem to have been made either by Ladybug herself, or by whoever collected these papers together. Fadematou — PS I think they’re the same person. What do you think?)

///

—

December 1st

While I appreciate you a lot, Diary, you can’t compare to living friends who can act on their own. When I called Alix about that thing her brother put into La Monde she said she’d already backhanded him over it. I wouldn’t have asked her to do exactly that, but I wanted to ask her to do something and she had done the most Alix thing imaginable.

I don’t know, though… I think he was wrong. I’m not immortal, because I was born in 2001 and there are baby pictures, and Alya (♡Alya♡) tells me infinity is infinite in both ends. Or at least I think that’s what she said… do you know, Diary? Doesn’t it make sense that if you can’t die, then you also can’t have been born?

Honestly I have no idea. Thinking about it too hard makes my head hurt. I really admire her for doing a science degree, though — I could never do that. I’m having a hard enough time with my literature degree.

It would be so simple if Tikki knew. Honestly, I should have asked her long ago when I noticed how old Cat Noir… I mean, Adrien was getting. But I didn’t really think about it, and maybe I didn’t want to think about it? I don’t know. But she says she has no idea, because it never happened to Scarlet Fate or Mudekudeku or Khepri. She also says it hasn’t happened across any other universes, so… what’s so special about me? And Alya, and Kagami, and all the others? Why did only our ages get weird? Does it really have anything to do with the Miraculous?

Maybe I’ll know one day. They’re completing their research soon enough. Right now, though, I’m starting to get to grips with it. I don’t feel like I want to scream anytime I look at my photo wall, at least…

Yours truly, Marinette

December 5th

I’m still not over Adrien, Diary.

Actually, that’s not true… I’m over him. But I still have this image of him in my head, of the way he looked when we first met? I think of when he gave me the umbrella, you know. And then, when I think more about it, I see him with wrinkles and grey hairs, and… Yeah.

I wish I could just stop thinking about him. It’s not fair to him. He’s not the person he was anymore, and that’s fine, but I still have this desire to have young him hand me another umbrella again. You know?

I’ll get over him. I have to get over him. But…

M

December 7th

Alya invited me to a sleepover last night. So I didn’t write. Sorry! Diary, did you know just how good a sleepover can be? I feel like I’m a new woman. Woman-ish. Whatever. I didn’t even think I could get into it, but you know what happened? I just forgot about everything that had been on my mind. I could just hang out and talk about normal stuff.

It helped that there were only three of us, too. Like, I wouldn’t have minded if we were more people, but I think talking to just Alya and Kagami forced me to stop thinking about myself so much. If you were a real girl, Diary, I would have brought you. Then you would’ve known how good it is to just be with people!

Alya told us something today. Don’t tell anyone !!! but she said she’s bisexual. That’s cool! I already have a bunch of gay friends, of course, but I didn’t realise people could figure that out about themselves so late. Like how Juleka and Rose have been together since ninth grade, and Marc and Nathaniel also got together around that time. Elena — you know, we shared classes for my whole bachelor’s run, but she went on a different track for her graduate, we still hang out every now and then — she says she’s known she was a lesbian her whole life. But Alya didn’t know she was bi until this year?

Well, it doesn’t matter, of course. I still love and support Alya. I was just surprised that it was a new development for her. Maybe she and Nino have talked about some things? Actually, I’ve always wondered how Nino would look in a dress. He still has that ratty music head look he’s always had, and it suits him, and I just don’t think he’d look that good in a suit. But a dress? I don’t know, I just feel he’d look pretty good in that.

I’m sorry! I’m getting sidetracked. And I’m just fantasising about Alya and Nino at this point. I hope they’re having a good night together.

I think Kagami was also surprised, by the way! Her eyes went really wide, it was super funny. But then she smiled over it and you know, if I was bisexual like Alya, I think I would have — no, no, I shouldn’t finish that thought. I’m gonna stop myself from writing now and just go to bed.

Marinette❣

January 18th

Alya told me stories about dragons today. I think she’s been looking into them because of her thesis work? She said something about how she was working on some metaphors for her discussion section, so maybe that was it, but I don’t know for sure. She just went into a tirade about them, and it was interesting so I listened, but I admit I didn’t catch everything.

So… European dragons aren’t immortal, she said. They live for a long time, but a lot of legends about dragons are about how the dragons are killed, so people told stories about how they were hard to kill rather than about how they would live forever. Because the stories were about how they stopped living? I’m not sure if that was something she read about somewhere or a thought she came up with herself, but it was a cool idea. Right?

Dragons in Asia are more in my field. They’re like wise sages, and they’re also symbols of good luck and royal might. So they are technically immortal. But Alya said something I hadn’t heard much about before and it’s about this flaming pearl they carry. It’s supposed to carry their powers. So Alya said that a dragon with its pearl is immortal, but a dragon without the pearl is not. Maybe she’s right? I should ask my supervisor.

You know, it’s a little hard for me to pay attention sometimes. It’s not that I don’t care. But I feel like I care more about Alya than I care about what she’s saying sometimes? We don’t always share interests, but because we’re friends I’ll listen to her when she’s talking and I don’t mind that I’m not super into it. I did care in this case, but I just sort of realised it today, that I can just do that. I’ve done the same thing when Alix has talked about stochimetry? Or however you spell it, I’m sure that’s wrong. I’ll look it up.

Stoichiometry! Horrible horrible word. Anyway, I’ve done it with Alix, and I’ve done it with Nathaniel, and I think I’ve done it with all my friends. Like when Kagami talked to me about foxes — you probably don’t even remember that! But I still think about that conversation sometimes. About how foxes became mythologised as kitsune through the Yayoi period. I love foxes, so that’s probably why I remember, but I also remember Kagami’s expression when she talked about them.

Anyway, now I have dragon Alya and fox Kagami in my head. I should ask them to try each other’s Miraculous sometime. ♡♡

That’s all for me today! I guess it was a lot, huh? I’ll write you again later, Diary.

❀ M

February 11th

~~~~~~~

To Marinette

Hey. I know I don’t write you letters, like, ever, but I don’t want this to be traceable over the internet. That’s also why this is hand-written! Aren’t you proud of me, Miss Diary Lover? I finally picked up a pencil for something that wasn’t a titration graph.

Anyway… you could probably tell from the phone call, but I think we’ll have to falsify the results. I can’t publish this. It would be really dangerous, and it would be dangerous for you more than anyone else. I couldn’t do that to you, even though I’m sure you could beat anyone who tried to come after you.

Let’s talk about this somewhere private. There are a lot of details, so I’d like to lay it out for you properly.

Love ya, girl — Als

~~~~~~~

So… you can probably see the letter I glued into you, Diary. I haven’t talked to her yet, but it sounds pretty serious. I also haven’t talked to Alix or Mylène… I’m kind of scared to ask what it’s all about. Anyway, I called her, and we’re going to talk it over on Saturday.

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to tell you anything about it. If the details are that bad, I’m not even sure I should put the letter in here, but if it’s that bad I’ll tear the page out. Okay? You can handle a torn-out page, right, Diary?

Honestly, why am I even talking to you like you’re a real person? We both know that’s not true.

Yours truly, Marinette

—

///

(To Haneul: The following section was cut out and placed into the documents on its own, but I decided to look into it, because I thought the actual text might be worth looking into. If you’re interested in checking it out, the full title is: The YPLM1 Gene: A Possible Candidate for Age Regulation in Humans? Mutation Implications for Human Lifespan by A. Césaire, A. Kubdel and M. Haprèle. I haven’t been able to find the complete text of it anywhere. Digital rot and the suchlike. Still, a search for the title in quotation marks brings up a couple partial scans.

I wouldn’t say it holds particular interest, but I know you like to be thorough.

Fadematou)

///

Conclusion

We did not find a clear causal link between external effects on the YPLM1 gene and rapid changes in ageing, using the methodology applied in this study. However, some of our results showed a certain statistical coherency that we believe warrants further research. There may also have been interchromosomal reactions, which were outside the scope of our experiments. 

While it is not our place to suggest the direction of future science, we believe that the most interesting areas of related studies would be to examine those interchromosomal reactions. The statistical relation that is suggested (though not fully realised) in Figure 8a is also intriguing. A full study involving a greater cohort of participants will no doubt be required to find the necessary correlations. We therefore leave the conclusion up to our colleagues’ future work.

Lastly, we would like to address a question that has been repeatedly posed to us by our fellow students. As we are scientists, we cannot fully consider the role that magic played in this situation. There is no scientific basis for examining such phenomena, even though science in this case has to accept that the magic is observably real. We have spotted the dragon as it flew past.

This does not mean that the magic is able to explain anything. It could not affect the body unless it interacted through physical and chemical pathways. To further emphasise our comments in the previous section: We have found no sign that such a magical effect has occurred within the subjects at any point. The dragon may have flown past, but we have not ascertained its nest, and we believe it must be roosting elsewhere.

We would therefore like to put the rumours to rest that magic has caused any effects within the subjects. Not only do we have no cause to believe it is true: instead, we have cause to worry that unsubstantiated rumours about magic would cause undue scrutiny from the media. The leading cause must be scientific, even if that cause was not established within the realm of plausible evidence by this research.

We leave this as our final word, as we thank our subjects for their help and support throughout this research.

—

July 13th

Dear Diary,

I don’t like meeting Mum and Dad right now.

I know they mean well. I know they have a good reason. I know all that, but… I feel like when I talk to them I’m talking to a brick wall with two sad faces painted on it.

You know, I can’t even blame them for it. That’s the worst part. I look fifteen, I have the body of a fifteen-year-old, I might even have the brain development of a fifteen-year-old. Even though I’m well into my twenties now and I’m a shoe-in for a doctorate position, I just don’t look the part. So of course they’re going to talk to me like that.

Like what, you ask? Well, Diary, they keep calling me ‘little angel’. They ask me if I’m okay living on my own, and if I wouldn’t rather come live at home with them again. If I tell them I’ve been out drinking, they always look like I’ve told them I just killed someone.

It’s the same with everyone else, too. I have to get other people to buy me alcohol because nobody believes me when I show them the age on my ID card. When I go to work on campus, there’s usually someone who asks me whose daughter I am. There are actual teenage boys hitting on me on the bus. Well… I guess they’re not that much younger than me, because the teenage boys doing that are usually looking for someone younger than them, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it. I feel like I’m not allowed to be an adult. But I am! Agh! I want to scream!

I just screamed. You don’t have ears, so you didn’t hear it but I did. You don’t have a mouth, either. Imagine if you were real and could just tell every secret I’ve ever put into you? That

… why am I talking to you again like you’re real? You’re just a book. I’m sorry.

M

March 4th

I don’t write in you a lot these days, do I, Diary? I guess I’ve grown up a little bit, even though I don’t look it.

But you see… today I need to, I need need need to talk to someone who’s not a living person, because —

Look. I think I’m bisexual too, just like Alya. I’ve thought about it a lot since she told us, and the way you can find out later than I thought, but also I’m not sure at all! Because the only two girls I’ve ever found attractive are… well. Maybe there are more. I think girls can be attractive, I always have. But the only two I’ve actually seriously considered, I can’t make sense of it, can you tell that I’m stalling? I want to die just thinking about it. It’s like… I don’t even know if it’s because of them. They’re really cool, I love them, but I’m just not sure that UGH it’s Alya and Kagami. Alya! And Kagami!

Do you see now, Diary? They are the only two people in the same boat as me! We’re all 25 — well, Kagami is still 24. But we all look fifteen. I can’t date anybody else my age, because it’s going to end up like the Adrien thing, and I can’t date anyone who looks like me because no that would be disgusting. So it’s like… those two are the only ones I have any chance of happiness with, you know? Is that unfair to them? Are my feelings real or is this, like, some kind of syndrome?

Also… I don’t have a chance of happiness with them, because Nino and Félix are there. And Nino and Félix, they don’t look fifteen but they could pass for just below 20 and that doesn’t raise as many eyebrows.

Ugh. I just, ugh. I can’t tell them about this. Never. I’ll carry the secret to my grave, Diary.

Marinette

November 1st

Adrien has cancer.

November 2nd

Hey. I decided to write some more.

It’s like… I felt that what I wrote yesterday might come off as callous. And I know you’re not real, but the things I feel are still there and I have to deal with them. Adrien has blood cancer, and it’s really aggressive. And I just feel dead inside over it.

He was my boyfriend! We were together for years. Why does he have cancer now when he’s just 25? It’s not fair. He deserves so much better. I went to meet him, and he seriously looks like he’s 60, and he has an age-related disease and he just looked so… broken.

That’s the worst part. He was like… it looked like he was… I saw his eyes and heard the way he spoke, and… I think he believes he’s going to die from it. That he’s not going to have a chance to recover.

And do you know what the worst part is? He might be right. Going by what Alya discovered, I’m terrified that he’s right. And it’s not Plagg’s fault, Plagg couldn’t have known, and it sucks — no. It doesn’t suck. It’s the literal worst thing in the world.

Sometimes, I wish I’d stayed with him. That I had the mental strength to do that. It would have hurt him in other ways, but at least I could have supported him.

Diary… I don’t know what to do…

December 6th

Diary, why does everyone have to suffer over this?

Alya… she got reprimanded heavily by the university. She got a whole letter about it in the mail, and everything. Someone caught on to the anomalies in her thesis, and her PhD supervisor confronted her about it? And Alya is honest, she’s good at lying when she has to, but she admitted she falsified some of the data. She told me she lied about why, though, and said she felt bad about not having anything useful so she exaggerated some data points.

I don’t really get the details, but apparently Alya got told that she isn’t going to be offered anything after her PhD at the university because of this. She’s not going to be thrown out, and I would have shown up at their offices to shout at them if they tried that! But she did falsify data, and that’s serious, so… I guess I kind of understand why they’re upset.

But it’s not fair! Because Alya didn’t fake the data because she wanted to make a nice graph! She faked it because she wanted to protect me and stop the media from looking into things more! And now she’s going to get punished for that, and… that makes it my fault, right? It’s because of me this is happening. She will be out of a job by the summer, and she’ll have a hard time finding a new one after that, because word’s going to spread. I hate it. I hate it so much. I wish I could just fix everything for her. I wish I could… kiss it better.

No. No no. I’m not like that. She needs me as a friend and I’m going to be there for her.

Come to think of it, Diary, I never told you what Alya and Alix and Mylène actually discovered. Right? Well… I might write it down later. When I’m less upset about that exact thing.

Kagami is in trouble too. She needs to move, and because she looks like she does, nobody wants to rent anything to her. So that’s also my fault, right? Because I’m the one who gave her the damn Miraculous…

I would offer for her to stay with me. But I don’t exactly live in the biggest apartment, so it would be super cramped. Still, it’s bigger than Félix’s current place, so I might suggest it as an option if she’s fine with it.

Also… Adrien’s getting along in chemotherapy. He seems to be recovering okay. I guess I was worrying over nothing.

Things will improve. I have to believe that. Thanks for listening, Diary.

Marinette

—

LADYBUG MAKES BIANNUAL APPEARANCE — WITH FRIENDS

Nine heroes stood atop the Eiffel Tower to greet Paris this time

Five years ago, after the final defeat of Scalia and the recovery of the final Miraculous, Ladybug promised that she would stay in the city to watch over it. Her biannual appearances at summer and winter solstice have marked her keeping of that promise.

However, her heroic comrades have stayed out of the limelight since their victory — until yesterday.

Standing on the Eiffel tower, Ladybug made sure to share all the attention she got with the eight of her teammates who showed up: Argos, Caprikid, Carapace, Minotaurox, Multimouse, Rena Rouge, Ryuko, and Vesperia.

Despite the joyous atmosphere that usually follows Ladybug’s public appearances, there was also a certain amount of confusion among the public. Questions were quickly raised whether this appearance meant that there was imminent danger. However, the heroes were quick to dispel this notion.

— We just wanted to show that Ladybug is not alone, said Caprikid. — All of us are devoted to protecting Paris.

We asked if there was a reason that only eight of the seventeen other heroes had shown up. Ladybug answered this question herself:

— Not all of the heroes were available today. Most of us have jobs that keep us busy, and some just had to prioritise in a way that kept them away. But if duty calls again, they are going to answer immediately. I promise!

Upon questions whether there were other reasons why certain heroes were not present (we particularly asked about Cat Noir, who has been completely absent from the public eye).

— No comment, was Rena Rouge’s prompt reply.

While Cat Noir’s fans are no doubt disappointed that he could not come, the display of nine heroes was an alluring display for those who still carry fears about the return of another Hawk Moth or Scalia. Ladybug also made sure to bring the butterfly Miraculous and transform with it, and made a declaration that Paris was still safe.

The event concluded with a session where the heroes came down to street level and let people have a closer look at them. The youthful energy they still exuded, even five years later, was reassuring to many. However, it was clear that some of them have gained a few more years than others.

Afterwards, we asked the public what they thought.

— I’m glad she wasn’t alone, said Ishaq Issam Piaget (39). — I was getting bored with the usual meeting. All power to her, but she can get a little repetitive on stage.

— I miss Cat Noir, said his girlfriend Basma Chraïbi (40).

— I wish there was merch, said Anna-Florence Contat (16). — I really want a Ladybug bag. She’s my hero.

So there you have it, Ladybug: the public wants merchandise. Perhaps you will oblige us next year?

///

(No idea why this was struck out with a pencil, but it was like that when we found it. Fadematou)

///

—

December 27th

Kagami’s moving in. Lord, give me strength not to ogle at her.

I miss being touched, Diary. I miss having someone to hold hands with when I go for a walk in the park. I miss kissing someone. I miss Adrien… but I don’t just miss him. I just miss doing romantic things with someone, anyone… and I still don’t know if I’m attracted to Kagami, or if this is some weird Stockholm thing where we’re both stuck as teenagers and I latched onto her because I need someone.

It’s not like anything’s going to happen. I just have to bear it for a while, until she finds a new place. I’ll just be living with a friend again.

Maybe she’s receptive to frequent hugs…

Please forgive me, Diary.

M

November 10th

Diary. Please tell me this isn’t my fault. Even though it is my fault, I need someone to tell me it’s not, so I don’t go into a spiral.

Alix has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We all kind of noticed it recently, she kept forgetting things and going on tangents, but we never expected it would be this bad. It’s not even early onset, because she’s just that old — she looks seventy years old, Diary.

Please tell me. I need someone to lie to me. I hate this. I hate everything. I should never have given anyone else a Miraculous. I should just have kept them all for myself, so nobody else would get screwed up like this. What if Mylène suddenly dies because she’s a mouse and they barely live for a couple years? What if Nino outlives Fu? Fu was 201 years old when he died, Diary. What if Alya gets rabies because of the fox connection? I already screwed over five people forever, maybe more. I already screwed Alya over with the research she had to fudge just to hide me. It is my fault. But… please, tell me I’m not bad and evil and the worst person in the world.

I showed up to the Kubdel residence. As Ladybug. I told them I was really sorry to hear about her. Alim says he doesn’t blame me, but Jalil does. Jalil looked like he wanted to strangle me. I can’t blame him.

Adrien got rid of the cancer for now, but he also looks seventy. And the cancer could come back at any time. Luka might have osteoporosis! This isn’t supposed to happen to any of them! Alya and Kagami still haven’t aged a year, just like me! All because I didn’t know what I was doing, and…

I just… I need someone to tell me it’s fine. That it’s going to be okay. Jalil’s eyes are burnt into my mind. I know it’s my fault. I just want to have someone out there who doesn’t hate me…

November 17th

Luka does have osteoporosis.

November 19th

Adrien is in hospital for cancer again. He looks way worse this time.

November 22nd

I just

November 27th

why? why why why

///

(Note: The torn scrap up in the left corner may be from something that was ripped out of the collection. It was like that when it was discovered. Not relevant for our purposes, but make sure to keep the scrap in place in case any of the other departments wants it.

— Fadematou)

///

January 5th

Kagami is a really good flatmate. I will sing her praises forever, and ever, and ever. She keeps track of the dishes and the vacuuming, she remembers to hang up laundry, everything. It’s been a whole year now and I honestly can’t remember how I managed without her. I do my part too! Except when I forget or I’m swamped or I’m off my medication. But she just gets it. Ugh. I don’t deserve her, honestly.

I’ve only got a little bit more work to do on my postgraduate degree. I don’t feel too good about that, though. Not when Alya had to quit her studies and go work in a medical lab. Medical labs are good and all, but she really wanted to get a postdoc position… and Alix, Adrien, and Luka all dropped out because

… Yeah. You know. So I’m getting a PhD, but they’re all getting nothing? That just isn’t fair. And it’s my fault it all happened to them, too! If I could just turn back time and fix everything, then — but I can’t. Everything that’s happened has already happened. If I tried to change anything, I would just muck everything up in a different way. Because that’s just what I do — muck things up.

Sorry. I’ll try to be positive. Positive thoughts. That was the whole reason I even tried to write in you today, Diary. So… I went to see Marc’s poetry performance the other day! Elena was there too, with Zoé of course. Marc is so much more outgoing on stage these days, it’s like he’s a different person. Really cool. I think I might have seen Kim there too, but there was too much noise and I felt like I had to leave. Not from Marc, I mean from all the people talking afterwards and the music they started blasting on the speakers, but I said hi to him at least.

And… Mylène is almost a doctor now! She says she meets Rose a lot. It would be really cool if they ended up in the same hospital after this, wouldn’t it? Also, she told me she sees Alix every now and then, wh

I can’t do it. I still… I need to be sad a little longer. I’ll write you again later.

If you even care. You’re just a diary. Ugh.

April 21st

New diary! Because I filled the old one up. In case I forget, I’m keeping it in the same drawer but underneath the tray of envelopes.

Life updates.

• Finished my degree. I’m now a doctor of East Asian literature, which sounds really weird.
• I might try looking for a postdoc position, but… honestly, with how weird everyone looks at me (and I get it), I kind of want to find somewhere else to work. Somewhere it’s less weird for someone who looks like me to be. A kiosk or restaurant or something? Not sure yet. I’ll still keep an eye out for something faculty related, but. You know.
• I could design clothes? This isn’t an update, I just suddenly had the thought
• While Kagami is still an excellent roommate, sometimes I wish I had an older roommate who could go out and buy alcohol for me…
• Bumble was the worst mistake of my life. Deleted after four hours
• I think I might pick up a new hobby. Something where people won’t look at me funny.
• I’m still crushing on Alya and Kagami. And I still have no clue if it’s real or what.
• Bought a polaroid camera. Am going to take photos of myself every year and just hope to eventually see a wrinkle.

I’ll think of more later.

April 24th

Thought of more.

• I was inspired by legends and stuff so I decided I could maybe try and write a book? As a hobby, I mean. I don’t think I’d ever release it to anyone.
• Took the first photo yesterday. Compared it to a photo of me and Kagami from back in the day. We both look the exact same. She thought it was funny. Anyway, I’ll stack them all in a box, because I need a whole series to make sure.
• I think… other than how people treat me, I’m okay with living for a long time. If I end up in a Mr Fu situation, I think it could be all right. I really hate what happened to Alix and Adrien and Luka, and I’m upset that people think I’m still a teenager, and I’m upset for Alya and Kagami. But I also think it’s nice sometimes when people see me and treat me like a kid. Like when I get a sticker from the dentist’s. That’s nice.
• Number of married friends: 3. 2 of them to each other. (Mylène/Ivan, Aurore)
• Still crushing. Kagami came out of the shower in just a towel today and I choked on my water.
• And…

Agh. It feels wrong to put this into a list. Adrien, Alix, Luka. I wanted to put down how they’re doing right now. Adrien is in hospital, Alix and Luka are in a home. I visited them all this week, and they’re doing fine. I mean, fine considering everything else. But it still hurts to look at them.

At least I didn’t have to meet any of their family when I was there. I don’t think I could stand meeting them right now. 

I guess I’m not really giving you a life update, Diary. I’m just talking to myself.

Marinette

///

(We couldn’t find any photographs at the scene. — Fadematou

PS you won’t find info about the degree online. Digital decay and all that. Just so you don’t go looking and get frustrated — Fadi)

///

August 3rd

Ali

August 7th

Alix is gone.

I don’t want to write today. I haven’t wanted to write for several days. But if you are meant to be my record of things that happen in my life, Diary, then I have to.

But I have no idea what to write. I have a million words and thoughts crashing around in my head and if I tried to put them all down I would be sitting here for days. I would fill up the diary before I was done. And many of the thoughts aren’t even thoughts at all, they’re just feelings. I feel red and sharp and numb and black and I feel like I’m standing upright in a little canoe and I’m about to fall over. I hate this. I keep saying it but I hate everything about this. And I’m going to have to show up at her funeral, but I’ll have to go as myself and not Ladybug, because — I mean, I’m her friend, Ladybug is just a mask, I

Even just writing this… I would write tens of thousands of words about you, Alix. But I won’t, because even that wouldn’t be enough. I hope you’re in Jannah and I hope you’re young and Alzheimer’s free again.

I’m going to start crying ag,

—

FORMER PARIS SUPERHERO BURIED

PARIS, Aug 12 (Reuters) - Alix Kubdel, also known as Bunnyx, was put to rest with a ceremony in the Adda’wa mosque of Paris today. Though her hero identity was unknown before this, it was revealed to the public by fellow hero Ladybug immediately following her death. No heroes attended the funeral, but a statement from Ladybug was read out by a civilian.

SECOND MEMBER OF LADYBUG'S TEAM DEAD

PARIS, Aug 21 (Reuters) - Luka Couffaine, also known as Viperion, was just announced dead this morning. It was only revealed that he had been Viperion when fellow hero Ladybug released a statement identifying him, and simultaneously announcing his passing. This is the second death related to a hero from Ladybug’s team in less than three weeks, leading to concerns about the other heroes’ health. Ladybug has declined to comment.

—

August 21st

Diary… it’s happened again. Luka is gone too. Not only that, Adrien is getting worse again.

I’ve run out of thoughts to think. I just feel now. Or I don’t feel. It feels like I’m a cotton ball with eyes. Numb is a feeling, right? Or, I don’t know…

Luka. I somehow feel less about him than Alix. Like, I don’t feel worse things about him, and I don’t feel less positive about him. But I have so many fewer feelings overall. I think I burnt up so many of them on Alix, and then I started thinking either Luka or Adrien would be next, and I fretted about that. When it happened, I kind of just… accepted it.

I hate that I’m like this. I hate that I can just stop caring. For all I’ve done, I should have all the sympathy in the world. I should be tearing my hair out and crying until I’m dry in the mouth.

Maybe I’m just broken.

Am I broken, Diary? It’s fine if you tell me the truth this time. I already know what it is.

August 24th

Alya came in for a sleepover two days ago. Just the three of us again — her, Kagami and me.

It helped. I can’t say I feel good, but I feel better. We got to cry a lot over Alix and Luka. Alya had pictures of Luka on stage when he still looked his age, and of course she had a bunch of Alix too. It was relaxing, just sitting there together and reminiscing about when we were all together at school. Like nothing had happened.

I feel weird. Isn’t there something wrong about that? We were sitting there, looking exactly the same as we did a decade ago, gawking at old pictures. I didn’t think too much about it during the sleepover but I spent all night twisting myself in bed last night. It’s like — I was trying to ignore everything. Just bolt myself in the past and think that everything was fine. We were time travelling but without actually time travelling, and Luka and Alix are still dead. You know?

I still had fun. I think I should ask for more sleepovers. I just think I need to ask that we, like, don’t pretend that we’re fifteen.

—

THE CARNIVOROUS BEETLE

Jalil Kubdel, brother of Alix Kubdel

My name is Jalil Kubdel. This name means very little to most people. But all of you have heard of my sister, whether you know it or not. If you have paid attention to the news in recent weeks, you will know that Alix Kubdel was the superhero Bunnyx. She was recruited onto Ladybug’s team at 15, about three months before her 16th birthday.

You might think that this would be a proud moment in my life, when our father said that my sister would be helping Ladybug defeat the villain Monarch. However, the announcement was paired with the information that my sister had been sent into the past, where she would remain for two entire months. I was left without a family member who meant the world to me.

Once my sister returned to the present, after Monarch’s defeat, I thought I would have her back. Yet this time, it turned out that Monarch had a successor, and that this successor was using the exact same weapon as him. Ladybug had failed to recover it, and my sister was forced into service again. Rather than being left to study for her lycée track like a normal person, she was frequently pulled away to fight a villain that should not even exist.

Scalia was not defeated until my sister was already in university. I had just completed my MSc, which meant I would also have time to spend with her, a thing I had only barely been able to do for the past five years. We still gelled as siblings do, but I could tell there was a wall between us, one that was erected when the two of us had to spend so much of our youth separated.

The worst part, though, was that her time as Bunnyx had left my sister physically debilitated. I noticed that she had grey hairs and wrinkles on her face — at 21 years old. She might still have passed for someone in her twenties at a distance, but I was right there with her. I knew that something was wrong.

Over the next few years, I watched my sister quickly deteriorate. At 22, she looked 40. At 23, she looked 50. At 24, she looked 60. At 25, she looked over 70.

The year she should have turned 27, she died of what was effectively old age. She had suffered from dementia for over a year, so in a way she was already gone before that. She remembered me, but she remembered me as the arrogant and thoughtless teenager that I was before she became Bunnyx. The life that I was supposed to have shared with her, as her proud and loving big brother, had been torn away from me.

Even more so, the long and wonderful life that my sister was supposed to live was stolen from her.

I want to tell you about the life she led, and also the life she could have had. She was incredibly smart, and had a strong interest in the physical sciences and the natural world, but also in history and sports. At university, she studied biochemistry. She was a gifted rollerblader, and a voracious reader of North African history.

There is no doubt in my mind that my sister would have gone on to have an illustrious career as a biologist, or a chemist. The work she did for her own MSc proves as much. She could have become a professor, or a science communicator who changed the way people thought about her field. She would have been lauded among the greats — there is no doubt in my mind, even if she would have taken several decades to become renowned. She had the potential to get there.

All of that was taken away from her, just because she was asked to help a superhero at a young and impressionable age.

I write this to tell you about my wonderful sister, and tell you everything about her that I couldn’t say during the ceremony. But I also write this to tell people that Ladybug, the hero they celebrate twice every year, is not the paragon of virtue that they think she is. She is responsible for my sister’s death, and I can never forgive her. [Alix… I am so sorry…]

My final word is to Ladybug herself. You, who consider yourself the ‘hero of Paris’, have now killed two of your companions. I have my own theories about why, but I don’t want to relitigate them now that I am mourning my sister. But I ask that you remember my sister’s name: Alix Kubdel. I hope she reminds you every day of what you have done.

That is all.

EATING THE DEAD

Juleka Couffaine, sister of Luka Couffaine

I’m not very eloquent. I dislike attention. But after reading Jalil Kubdel’s letter in the paper last week, I decided that I had to speak up.

I am Luka Couffaine’s sister. He was buried the day before Jalil’s letter went into print, and much like Jalil’s sister Alix, he was a superhero on Ladybug’s team. He called himself Viperion, and he played a major role in many of Ladybug’s victories. I loved him more than words can say.

That’s also why I can’t allow Jalil to make Ladybug out as a villain by using his name. Luka was the same age as Alix, and suffered many of the same symptoms. He aged rapidly in his twenties, and ended up with bones that could no longer support him.

During that time, I spent a lot of days with him, pushing him around in a wheelchair so he could be outside for a bit. He loved music, but he didn’t get to play any for his last few years. So he loved birdsong instead, or just the sound of birds in general, or he would ask me to sing for him.

When he died, both me and our mother were at his side, and I held his hand as it slowly went cold. His life was cut far too short. He should have lived for at least fifty-five more years, maybe longer. But he never complained, even once, about what happened to him. If Luka didn’t blame Ladybug, how can I blame her?

Luka was a lovely person. He was patient and forgiving. He loved the world and he loved other people. That’s why it hurts me so much to see Jalil try to use him as a cudgel against Ladybug. He worked willingly for Ladybug, and he gave his life for the city as a hero. He’s not a victim of some monstrous killer. He knew that being a hero was risky and he accepted that risk. And he would hate to become a weapon in someone’s war against a hero he adored.

Alix was also a friend of mine. I knew her all the way from collège through to the end of her life, and we were in the same circles a lot. She was one of the bravest and funniest people I ever knew, and I don’t blame anyone for missing her, or feeling angry that she’s gone. I’ll say this, however: She never once blamed Ladybug. Rather, she bragged about getting to go to the past and being trusted to be a hero.

Jalil… I can’t tell you how to feel about your sister. She was much closer to you than she could ever be to me. But I hope you come to terms with what happened soon. No matter what you do, though, I want you to stop using Luka to blame Ladybug. If you do, then you are the one using someone’s life for your own ends. You are eating the dead.

EATING THE LIVING

Jalil Kubdel

I want to address a particular response to my letter from two weeks ago, where I blamed Ladybug for causing the death of my sister, as well as other people. The response was from Juleka Couffaine, who is the sister of one of those who died. Everything I write here is addressed to her, but I feel it’s important to say what I have to say in a public arena. Otherwise, an open wound will be left to fester, and a vital point will be left unstated.

First of all, Juleka, I apologise if you felt that I was putting words into your brother’s mouth. I’m sure Luka was a wonderful person. I never meant to make it out that he was anything other than what he was.

However. However. I am unconvinced that his opinions matter in this case. Like you say, my sister never said she blamed Ladybug. But Ladybug is still behind those deaths. I am no less convinced of that now than before.

It’s not a question of blame as an abstract personal concept, it’s a question of blame in the legal sense. If someone stole my phone, I might not blame them if it turns out they were poor. However, they would still be the cause of me losing my phone. That is the way in which I am using your brother to blame Ladybug.

The only place where my blame is personal is on my sister’s behalf.

Perhaps you are still unconvinced, Juleka. I will not try to convince you. I’m fully capable of living in a world where some of Ladybug’s victims are fine with what happened. However, I will never be fine with it. Ladybug has killed my sister, and she has killed your brother. Several years ago, she killed Gabriel Agreste — a thing that even I forgot in the years that have passed. Despite all this, she never showed up to a single funeral. My sister had to make do with a mere written statement.

How can we ignore this? How can we let this continue to happen? Are we not of Paris, the city of liberty and brotherhood and equality? How can equality be one of our guiding stars, when we are so fawning towards Ladybug?

I call on the city — no, the entire nation of France — to be more critical. We should ask her the tough questions that she has never been asked before, and hold her to account for the deaths that she has caused. We should ensure that legislation keeps her in check, so that she can’t infect the minds of the young with dreams of glory that will ultimately lead them to ruin.

As for Juleka, I only have one more thing to say. I apologise if you felt that I used your brother’s name unduly, and I will try not to do so again. In return, please make sure that you never use my sister’s name against me.

That is all.

///

(Interesting to note the lack of commentary on these last two, compared to earlier letters. Take note of the droplet water stains on the page, though — they were there when we found these. We took some samples and will try to determine their origin.

— Fadematou)

///

—

September 7th

I can’t stop reading the news…

September 8th

Juleka came to visit today. I think she really just wanted to cry for a bit.

It’s like. I feel bad about crying? Because I haven’t lost anyone like that. And I’m the one who killed him, aren’t I? Like… yeah? I can’t just sit here and feel sorry for myself all the time. I need to actually go out there and be strong for people. So, I guess that’s what I did today, even though I also cried a lot.

Juleka is so strong. I can’t believe she actually dared to write to the paper and argue with him. Jalil, I mean. Like — when she says she doesn’t blame me, and Luka didn’t either, I believe her. I think she ought to, I deserve it. But it’s good to hear that she doesn’t. You know? It helps me feel less sorry for myself, too.

She’s not going to write back, I think. She was really devastated about the reply she got. I’m still super impressed with her, though.

But… I do wish she’d blame me. Even just a little bit…

M

September 25th

I don’t really mention it often, but Félix comes to visit at least once a month. Sometimes twice. He’s so much more pleasant now than he used to be, so I don’t mind it at all. He even asks about my degree and seems interested, even though I’m pretty sure he’s a lit snob?? Well, whatever. He’s nice, I like him.

I hate that he reminds me so much of Adrien, though. It’s not that they act the same or dress the same. But they’re cousins, Diary. Of course I’m going to be reminded. And he looks young and healthy, just like Adrien ought to be.

I’m not sure if Félix blames me. I don’t want to ask him, because I think he’d prefer not to talk about it all the time. Maybe he thinks about Adrien even more than I do.

I should stop worrying about it. I mean, I should stop worrying about what he thinks. I should definitely worry about Adrien, and about doing the thing I did to Adrien to anybody else.

Ugh… it’s not even just the ageing thing. That’s the big thing, but… Félix looks so young. I couldn’t help but think about how if Adrien still looked like that, I might not have broken up with him. We would probably still be dating! I hate myself for that. Hate hate hate. I’m so shallow. It’s not even that I’m attracted to Félix, because I’m not. He just has Adrien’s eyes.

Probably not going to get much sleep tonight…

October 31st

Visited Adrien with Alya and Nino today. He looks really weak, I don’t think he was able to leave the bed.

I feel so numb about him. I’ve felt so many things about him, and I’ve felt them so strongly, and I’ve felt so much about Alix and Luka that I just… I don’t know what I feel. I’m a cotton ball again, not in a good way.

I’m going to bake Adrien something. Not a macaron, I want it to be something that smells good and is easy to chew, but also it’s proper food. Not sure what… I should probably ask what he can actually eat first.

November 3rd

I’ve decided. It’s going to be chouquettes, with a chocolate filling. And I’m going to make him some sandwiches too, because chouquettes aren’t exactly solid food. I’ve got a lot of late meetings tomorrow, so I won’t have time until the day after… or maybe I could ask Dad if I could borrow the bakery after closing on Friday? They have a lot more space. Then I could also make a soft layer cake. Yeah, I’ll ask if they’ll let me do that. Meetings tomorrow, buy ingredients Thursday, borrow the bakery Friday, hand everything over on Saturday. I’ll invite Alya and Kagami and Félix and Nino and Juleka and Rose, too.

November 4th

Mum and Dad are okay with it. Kagami and Félix are coming, haven’t heard back from Alya and Nino yet.

November 5th

I’m excited. Everyone can come, except Rose who has a long shift. I got all the ingredients, too, and Kagami offered to come and help tomorrow. I love her so much! In a nonromantic way, because I can’t ask for anything more from her. But, you know. Stuff. Ugh. Stopping now.

November 6th

////X//XXXX\\X

X/

November 7th

—

Funeral notice for Adrien Agreste

A memorial service will be held for Adrien Agreste at Place du Trocadéro et du 11 Novembre on 12 noon Friday, November 13th 2027. This will be followed by a short procession towards Cimetière de Passy, 2 Rue du Commandant Schloesing, where his body is to be interred.

Speeches will be held by Mayor Caline Bustier and musician Jacquard Stone, and a message from Ladybug will be read out by Nathalie Sancoeur.

A smaller memorial for Adrien will be held for the people closest to him at an undisclosed location. We ask that people are mindful of the bereaved and do not approach them. Direct any questions towards mayor’s assistant Irina Khomyuk at telephone 01 XX XX XX XX or email [email protected].

—

TRANSCRIPT — November 13th, 18:30

N Chamack: Hello. This is Nadja Chamack, live on the air from TVi Studio 4, with a much-awaited interview. As many of you know, news broke last week that Cat Noir, one of the two original superheroes of Paris, has passed away. Since then, TVi have been trying to contact Ladybug and her associates to no avail. However, we have finally been able to secure an interview with Rena Rouge, who worked closely with both of them.

N Chamack: Rena Rouge. Welcome to the studio.

R Rouge: Thank you, Nadja.

N Chamack: Why has it been so hard to get in touch with any of the heroes after Cat Noir’s death?

R Rouge: I… Nadja, you can probably understand that we’ve all been deeply affected by what happened.

N Chamack: Don’t you think you have a responsibility to the people of Paris to support one of your own?

R Rouge: I think we have a responsibility to Adrien and his family in this case. 

N Chamack: Do you feel that you’ve upheld that responsibility?

R Rouge: I can’t answer that. Only his family can tell you that.

N Chamack: I see. Then, do you think his family would feel that you have?

R Rouge: I, I can’t answer that.

N Chamack: Were you often in touch with him?

R Rouge: I was.

N Chamack: Has Ladybug been often in touch with him?

R Rouge: Yes. She, she has been. She was.

N Chamack: How about the other heroes?

R Rouge: I don’t know for sure. I think… most of them were. We were pretty close, all of us.

N Chamack: Is there a reason, then, that none of the heroes have shown up to each other’s funerals? On August 12th of this year, Bunnyx died, and on August 21st Viperion passed away. Cat Noir was buried yesterday, in a ceremony that involved the entire city. Don’t you think you had a responsibility to be there at the ceremony?

R Rouge: I…

N Chamack: In fact, Rena, some might suggest that you didn’t even care to show up.

R Rouge: I care. We all care.

N Chamack: So why didn’t you show up?

R Rouge: We… we were there. We did show up. Not all of us every time, but most of us were there at all three.

N Chamack: Why were you not seen, then?

R Rouge: We were there as civilians. I can’t say… oh no, I shouldn’t…

N Chamack: Do the families of the deceased know your civilian identities?

R Rouge (quietly, to self): I shouldn’t have said… 

R Rouge (louder): No. They do not.

N Chamack: Then do you believe that the families even realised you were there?

R Rouge: I’m sorry?

N Chamack: Don’t you think the families deserved to know that their children and siblings were, in fact, supported by the other heroes?

R Rouge: They were. They were.

N Chamack: How could the families know, if you weren’t in costume?

R Rouge: Ladybug sent out messages to be read out loud.

N Chamack: Do you think that was sufficient?

R Rouge: I… I don’t know. Maybe.

N Chamack: Don’t you think Ladybug ought to have shown up in person for each and every funeral?

R Rouge: I think she did the best she could. She’s been deeply affected by all these deaths. We all have. We… I think she’s been affected more than anyone.

N Chamack: More than the families?

R Rouge: I don’t want to answer that question.

N Chamack: Did you read the letters in Le Parisien submitted by Jalil Kubdel after his sister’s death?

R Rouge: … Yes.

N Chamack: Has Ladybug read those letters?

R Rouge: Yes.

N Chamack: Has she apologised to Alix Kubdel’s family?

R Rouge: I… I think so.

N Chamack: What do you think of Jalil Kubdel’s accusation that Ladybug is the cause of these deaths?

R Rouge: She is not.

N Chamack: How can you be so sure?

R Rouge: She is not. She, she absolutely isn’t.

N Chamack: Did Ladybug recruit Alix Kubdel, Luka Couffaine, and Adrien Agreste?

R Rouge: She gave… she recruited Alix and Luka.

N Chamack: And Adrien?

R Rouge: No comment.

N Chamack: Did their work as heroes cause the premature ageing and death of those three people?

R Rouge: Nadja… I don’t think…

N Chamack: Did they, or did they not?

R Rouge: This isn’t a relevant question.

[R Rouge appears to be close to tears.]

N Chamack: I think it’s highly relevant to know whether or not Ladybug caused the deaths of three separate heroes.

R Rouge: I… I don’t think I can continue this interview.

N Chamack: Is the question that difficult to answer?

[R Rouge stands up, tears off her microphone.]

N Chamack: Rena Rouge, the public demands answers.

[R Rouge runs out of the room without another word.]

[Brief conversation between N Chamack, producers, engineers, and gophers about what should be done.]

N Chamack (turns to camera): Well, dear viewers, we unfortunately couldn’t complete this interview. However, we still

///

(Any further pages of this transcript are missing. Fadematou)

///

—

November 13th

I’m r

Dear Diary, something h

What am I s

Ugh. Adrien is gone. There. I said it, now you know. I hate it too. I went blank after, I thought I was ready for it, I wasn’t. Alya had an interview with Nadja about the hero stuff today, it hurt to watch. I shouldn’t have asked her to do it. Haven’t talked to her since, because she hasn’t answered her phone and I hate that too.

It should have been me. I should have been answering those questions. I wouldn’t have given better answers, but Alya didn’t deserve all that crap. It’s my responsibility. Ugh. I’m angry. I’m very angry. At myself. At Nadja. I’m so angry I’ve almost forgotten that I’m sad.

There. Over. Done. I didn’t want to write any of that, but now I have. Now I can stop thinking about it.

November 15th

Alya is fine, thank the stars. She was with Nino after the interview. I don’t know for sure why she didn’t reply before yesterday but I wouldn’t be surprised if she blames me for it and just doesn’t want to say. I’m really sorry, Alya. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.

Anyway, I visited her and stayed the night yesterday. She asked me to, so I think things are okay. She went off about the way Nadja did the interview and, honestly? Yeah. What she did just isn’t okay. I don’t think anyone could have looked good like that. People online seem really angry with Alya, I mean Rena… I think maybe she shouldn’t be there for the solstice this year, if people are this mad.

… Should I even be there? I’d rather hang out with Alya and do something fun, honestly…

December 3rd

I’ve been thinking… the worst thing in the world I think, would be to lose my memories.

Well — I guess I haven’t been thinking about it that much. But whenever I think about Alix these days, I just think about… that’s the worst thing I could imagine happening to me. To anyone. It’s like not having control of your life anymore, you’re just a robot or something. Ugh. That feels really mean to Alix, but she looked so vacant and strange at the end. I don’t want to see that happen to anyone else. I don’t want it to happen to me either.

I don’t know. Alix didn’t even lose her memories, in a way, she just got lost in them. But there were so many things she couldn’t remember. I wonder if she thought it was strange, inside her own head, what was happening to her.

Ugh. I don’t want to think about this anymore.

December 13th

Why is Kagami the best flatmate ever? I swear I could kiss her. I’m not going to, I’m not insane, I just… I’ve been so out of it lately, and she’s made dinner a bunch of days even though that’s my job. And she hasn’t complained even once. She should complain, but I mean, it’s cool of her that she hasn’t.

Tomorrow, I’m going to do some of her chores. I’ll cook and clean. I’ll make her bed. She really deserves it.

—

SHOULD LADYBUG RETURN?

Sonia Petit-Fischer, editor-in-chief

I sympathise with Ladybug. I really do. It can’t be easy, having to deal with all the media attention and terrible press she’s been receiving. The deaths of three of her team-mates must also weigh on her mind. In times like these, perhaps we should remember the ancient Greek city of Athens.

The Athenians elected tyrants during times of stress. A tyrant was a monocratic leader whose unilateral decisions would determine everything the city did in terms of diplomacy, war, and distribution. In times of turmoil, this system worked well, because it removed the need for political compromise to get anything done. However, when peace came around, they reinstated democracy. The tyrant was no longer a strong and guiding hand, but a threat.

This paper proudly publishes opinion pieces both for and against the heroes, because we believe in free speech for all viewpoints, and we believe in holding the powerful to account. No one in France holds as much power as Ladybug, not even the president or the prime minister. It’s thus vitally important that we allow criticism of her to come to light.

However, in this case, we believe that the paper must take a stance. We believe that Ladybug has been a net good for the city, and that she meant well. We believe she has been badly affected by the deaths of Bunnyx, Viperion, and Cat Noir. These are our viewpoints, even if we are open to hearing and even publicising opinions that run counter to this.

Our belief also has another component, though. We believe, and have sympathy for, those that feel hurt or unsafe as a result of this year’s revelations. We believe that there is a real risk of danger that comes with the idea of heroes.

That is why we ask the question: Does Ladybug really need to return for this year’s solstice celebration? Without a doubt, it was a sign of safety to have her there while Hawk Moth and Scalia were attacking the city. In the aftermath, it was comforting to know that she would still be there to protect us. Now, seven years later, the need for that safety has simply trickled away.

If Ladybug returns this winter solstice, will Paris feel safer? Will she feel better about the allies she’s lost? Will the city feel more united? Will the bereaved feel reassured?

Perhaps the answer to some of these questions is yes. However: if the answer to at least one of them is no, then perhaps Ladybug doesn’t need to return. The city can thank her for her service, and move on to a new future without their figurative tyrant.

—

December 20th

I’ve been mulling this over a lot, Diary. Whether I should go as Ladybug to the solstice celebration tomorrow, or not. I’ve decided that I have to do it.

Maybe that one editor in chief is right. Maybe I will cause uproar. But since it’s a tradition, I have to at least go out there and say that it won’t happen anymore. If I just disappear, I think that might make people more worried.

Also… I really need to say something about Alix and Luka and Adrien. I didn’t go as Ladybug to any of their funerals, I did almost nothing. I just wrote statements. I need to get up there as Ladybug and say on my own how much they meant to me. They deserve praise, and I’m going to give it to them!

I need to do it alone, though. Having more heroes there could make people angry with them, too. I’ve already messaged people not to come.

Jalil… this time I’ll do right by Alix. I promise. Luka and Adrien too.

December 22nd

Diary… I really messed up. I messed up so bad…

I went to the solstice. I still don’t think that was a mistake. Some people were upset and some were happy, but at least I got to talk about Alix and Luka and Adrien and say how great they were.

Then I got home. And

Diary, I — I just

I

I kissed Kagami. After the solstice I came home and she had takeaway ready and we watched the news, and I just — I looked at her and I couldn’t stop looking and then she looked at me and I kissed her, and I didn’t even feel bad about it when I sat there, and she looked surprised, and she kissed me back, and then… then we just kept going. I made her cheat on Félix! He doesn’t — she doesn’t deserve this. And she’s going to be with Félix and his mum over Christmas, and they’re already strained enough with Adrien’s death, even if I enjo

Diary. What am I supposed to do? I never wanted this. I was just really out of it, and…

No. That’s wrong, isn’t it. I’ve wanted it for a long time, I’ve even told you about it before. Right? I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t selfish and stupid and in love.

I just hope I didn’t ruin things for Kagami and Félix…

January 8th

Alya knows now. It felt good to tell her, even if I hate that it happened.

I think Félix knows too. He came to visit yesterday, and I feel like he was giving me the stink eye. I haven’t asked Kagami yet if she told him, but she’s pretty honest, so…

Ugh. I’m so sorry. To Félix, and to Kagami, and to Amelie. And I can’t even tell any of them, because I don’t know if Kagami wants me to talk about it at all.

January 11th

Pity party time.

I still regret what I did. Of course I do. I love Kagami but that means I’m supposed to respect her and stuff, and I didn’t, and I put her in a really bad spot.

But…

I’m in my late twenties. I still look fifteen. Dating people in their twenties creeps them out, dating people who are fifteen is out of the question. But I want to date someone, I want to hold hands and kiss and cuddle and everything couples are supposed to do. I can’t face a lifetime without someone and because of the Miraculous, I can’t have anyone.

Except Alya and Kagami. Alya and Kagami are like me. I still don’t know if I have genuine feelings for them, but I don’t think it matters. I feel something, and I would do my best to be a good girlfriend to either of them whether I love them or not, because I care about them. But because of Nino and Félix, I can’t even try. I’ll never have a chance.

I’m lonely. And you, Diary, are part of the problem. You can’t comfort me or hug me. You can’t do anything for me.

I’m still sorry for what I did. I’m just also sorry for myself… is that wrong of me?

March 9th

Nino looks over twenty now.

Meanwhile, I can’t tell the difference between the photo I took yesterday and the one I took last year. Ugh.

May 25th

Less than a month until solstice.

I think I’m going to stay inside the whole day.

June 23rd

Just remembered the time I visited Alix in the home and she asked me how things were going with Adrien. I’m fine. I’m fine…

Yeah. I’ll be fine. Just need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Marinette

—

THE END OF LADYBUG?

Affra Genet, Dec 22

It has been a turbulent year for the erstwhile heroes of Paris. The worst events for them were, of course, the three deaths that rocked the city in short succession. Not only did three heroes die of age-related issues in their twenties, but one of those heroes was Cat Noir, Ladybug’s closest partner and potential romantic interest.

The negative press quickly mounted after that. A letter from a deceased hero’s brother sparked an ugly discussion in the papers. Questions were raised about why none of the heroes showed up to a single memorial ceremony. Multiple heroes have not been seen for years, raising further questions about whether they too had passed away. A disastrous interview on TVi with Rena Rouge only fanned the flames. And Ladybug seemed suspiciously absent throughout.

Thus, the stage was set for an uncertain winter solstice. As Ladybug has appeared for every solstice since the defeat of her last supervillain, the public wondered whether this would be the first time she didn’t show up. Many voices called for her to stay away.

None of this deterred Ladybug, who showed up yesterday. She was not accompanied by any other heroes, and seemed far more serious than she has before. In turn, the crowd that showed up to greet her seemed unusually subdued for what has normally been a celebration. It was also a smaller gathering than has been the case in previous years, though upwards of two thousand people still collected at Place de l’Hôtel de Ville.

A Theatrical Apology?

After a brief opening where she thanked everyone for coming, she quickly turned to the topic that everyone was waiting for: her response to the deaths of her teammates.

— I was deeply affected by their passing. But my personal sorrow should not have come in the way of me doing my duty. It was my duty to be there at their funerals, and I failed. Nothing I can do can ever make up for that.

She then went on to describe her memories of the deceased, praising their bravery and friendship, before ending with an announcement:

— After long consideration, I have decided that I shouldn’t show up to any more solstice celebrations. It feels wrong to celebrate now that Bunnyx, Viperion, and Cat Noir are dead. I will only return in the future if the city needs me again.

Her announcement was met with surprise and consternation. However, she disappeared into the night immediately afterwards, leaving the public to worry.

— I think she did the right thing, said one person we interviewed, who asked not to be named. — I think if she kept coming, it would be wrong.

Another person, who also asked to be anonymous, agreed.

— I feel really sorry for her. Maybe it’s best for her that she stays away, so she doesn’t have to deal with all this media stuff.

The Public’s Praise — And Pepper

The majority of people present were sympathetic to Ladybug, as could be expected from a gathering held in her honour. Several had created banners of support, or painted their faces in Ladybug’s colours. One of these was Rose Lavillant (27).

— Ladybug is my hero! I will always support her, no matter what.

We asked her what she thought about Ladybug’s decision to go into the shadows.

— I think it’s up to her what she wants to do. The rest of us just have to stay happy!

However, there were also people present who seemed less happy with their now ex-hero. For every fifty cheers at Ladybug’s presence, there was at least one jeer. It was clear that there is less enthusiasm for the heroes these days.

— No, I don’t think she did a good thing, said Naomi Roindefo (41). — She only did this to save face. Why did she even show up in the first place if she didn’t want praise?

Another anonymous civilian expressed a different complaint.

— She said she’s going to return if the city needs her, right? Well, she has the butterfly thingy that Hawk Moth used, right? I think she’s going to use it and pretend there’s a new villain so she can get back and get people on her side again.

What Does the Future Hold?

Regardless of what side they were on, a lot of attendees commented on Ladybug’s youthful appearance. From the projector screens that blew her face up to enormous size to everyone present, it was obvious to see that she is the opposite of her allies who died this year: young, smooth, and healthy. Is this a sign that the rumours started by some are true, that she really has taken life force from others to stay young?

No matter what, it seems that Ladybug has decided it’s time for damage control. It remains to be seen whether history will remember her as a true hero, a failed hero, or — perhaps — a monster.

///

(This was out of place when the papers were recovered. Most other things were placed in perfect chronological order. Curious.

— Fadematou)

///

August 4th

Félix has grey hairs.

Ugh. Sorry, that was mean…

August 6th

I don’t think Félix knows after all. I still haven’t asked Kagami.

It’s weird, but… somehow things aren’t awkward between us. I feel awkward sometimes, but most of the time we just hang out as friends and roommates. It doesn’t feel like she resents me or is worried.

Diary, how am I supposed to feel about this? If it didn’t cause trouble, is it fine to try again? Should I kiss her and see what happens?

… That’s what I keep thinking, anyway. Like it would be worth it, or something. But I can’t do that to her. Or to Félix. I can’t demand anything from her.

Argh! I’m so selfish. I’m going to sleep.

September 1st

Really think I need to look for a new job…

September 13th

It’s been over a year since Alix and Luka died.

I still think about them. But… I don’t feel like I think enough about them? I forgot on the actual dates… I should bring some flowers to their graves. And Adrien’s.

November 8th

I haven’t seen Nino with Alya for a while. Wonder if things are okay between them?

… and I just started hoping that they would break up. Nope. I’m not doing that with yet another friend.

April 28th

Took another photo today with the polaroid. No change.

October 12th

You know what, Diary? I think I’m over you. I wrote in you a lot before, but these days I just put a sentence or two. I don’t have to worry about being Ladybug anymore, I don’t have to worry about Luka or Alix or Adrien, I think I don’t have to worry about Kagami and Félix anymore. If I just stop writing, know that it’s because I’m living a full and healthy life somewhere else, and you are not invited.

October 15th

Well… that didn’t take long to come crashing down.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, and Kagami just… leant in and kissed me. ???? Without warning. She didn’t even smile at me before.

Maybe. I’m not even sure if it happened. I think it happened? She left the apartment after, I think she went to Félix’s place. Like, it was literally just a kiss and then she smiled and patted me on the shoulder, and then she said bye and went out the door? Did I dream? I have no idea what’s going on right now.

Ugh. I feel like sticking my head in a pot of boiling water.

October 18th

Kagami came back today. I asked her why she kissed me. She said… she said she’s talked to Félix about everything and he’s fine with it, because he’s getting older and she’s not? I’m her backup for when Félix gets old???

???

I don’t know how I feel now, but I for sure don’t feel good. I like Kagami but I don’t like being — you know, I’m not even going to say it. I don’t need to. This sucks. Everything sucks. I like her but…

I really need to get out of Paris. Even just for a bit. Be alone somewhere. Not think about, like, anything.

December 4th

I didn’t go on vacation. Everything still sucks.

I guess I’ve come to terms with the Kagami thing. I still don’t like it, but she explained it. She said I’m not her second choice, I’m just a choice she happened to make after her first choice but she still chose it? I don’t know. We haven’t done anything except talk. I’m not sure I want anything more to happen.

Except… I know I need someone. I want someone to kiss, and hold, and cuddle, and cook for more than anything. And Kagami is literally one of my two only choices…

I’m so confused. I’ve been fine for years now, I guess, but every time I look into the future I feel like I would much rather die than be alone. I don’t even know how long the magic is going to last! Maybe I’ll just look fifteen until I’m thirty and then start ageing normally again. But… I’m scared, Diary. I’m scared I’ll be like this for a hundred years.

Ergh… I’ll talk to her. I guess.

January 6th

What do vampires do in the stories when they don’t look any older? Do they just move to a new place?

I’m turning 29 this year, Diary. If I keep looking like this, things will only get weirder. People will start to look into me, and they might start asking questions. Then people might realise I’m Ladybug, because she also doesn’t get older.

But it’s not like I can just… make a new name and identity. Can I? I’d need national ID cards and all kinds of stuff. A new national registry and everything. And…

Actually. If this keeps going, maybe I could ask Alya and Kagami. They’re in the same boat as me. Alya’s smart and journalisty and all that, and Kagami literally works in the city government building. I have a literature degree, I could probably mock up some signatures. Maybe…

No, no, I’m not doing that. If it’s like with Fu, I can just keep going and eventually it will balance out. I’m just a bit impatient, I guess. I don’t need to worry about it right now.

March 5th

Ugh. I kissed Kagami again. And she’s still dating Félix. And I didn’t hate it. I think I want to do it again.

April 3rd

No change with the photograph this year, either.

October 28th

Alya and Nino broke up.

October 29th

I hate myself for all the thoughts I’m thinking right now.

October 30th

Diary, do you think I have a chance with Alya?

February 1st

Why are Kagami and Félix still together?

May 1st

Took a polaroid photo with Alya today. We both look the exact same. She looks very cute, too, but that’s besides the point.

M

June 2nd

Dear Diary,

I have started dating Alya. Kagami seems fine with it. I guess she didn’t want me all that much.

I’m a little annoyed. But it’s for the best, I think. I don’t think it would have worked out all that well… I think Alya and I gel a little better in that way. It’s like I don’t understand Kagami. Ugh.

June 4th

I’m so rude and selfish. I was here complaining about Kagami and I didn’t even mention that I love Alya! Because I do. We’ve been best friends forever, she’s actually the one who made me realise I could be into girls, do you remember? When she told me she was bi? No, wait, I wrote that in the old Diary. Whatever.

She visits a lot. I don’t visit her as often. I think she likes to get out more than I do. I don’t blame her, she still lives with her parents, after all.

I wonder what we should do for our summer vacation? Nice would be — no, I’m not writing that. Zip it, Marinette.

December 21st

Two whole years of not being Ladybug…

I don’t really miss it. I still have Tikki, and Nooroo and Fluff and Sass and Plagg. I’m still friends with everyone, even though I haven’t talked to Kim or Max in a while. They’re in the group chat, though.

The only thing I miss is. Well, you know. Cat Noir. Bunnyx. Viperion. But I miss them more as people than I miss them as heroes.

Ugh… I made myself sad. I’m going to stop writing now.

—

Please reconsider.

Dear professor Marinette Dupain-Cheng,

We ask that you please reconsider your refusal and accept an interview. We are very interested in describing your story to the people of France, and would do our utmost to treat it with respect as befits our journalistic institution.

L’Express is a nationwide magazine that commands respect for its coverage of all kinds of subjects. You would not be disappointed by your interactions either with me as the interviewer or the photographer, who is an industry professional. We would also be prepared to offer compensation for your time, at a negotiable rate that can be discussed once you get back in touch with us.

With regards,
Loïc Grest-Hollande
for L’Express

—

July 6th

Agh. This journalist guy won’t leave me alone. He caught wind of how I look young and now he wants to do a feature on me and Alya and Kagami. So he’s called me, he’s sent emails to my work account, and he’s just sent me a letter too. To my mailbox. Like the one I have to walk to downstairs. And he keeps calling me professor, but I’m just a postdoc! I don’t want to be a professor, it would be really embarrassing to look younger than all my students — urgh, I’m giving myself the creeps. Begone, thoughts, I don’t want to think about how I look right now.

Also, he’s from L’Express. I wouldn’t talk to them if they paid me a million. I wouldn’t talk about this to anyone, because I don’t want the attention, but them? No, no, no.

Diary… this is what I’ve been afraid of, though. That people are going to raise a stink about how I look. Even if it’s positive attention, it’s still attention, and that means people start digging, and they’ll realise I was friends with Adrien, and they’ll dig more and they might figure out I’m Ladybug, and they might realise I’m like this because of the earrings and I ugh I really don’t want to deal with this.

Maybe I should think about running away again. Make a new life as a teenager in some bumpkin town and start back up at school. Take a new name, like… Anaëlle. Perle. Perle-Anaëlle. I don’t know. Something completely different.

I really hope he stops trying to reach me…

M

September 15th

Kissing Alya feels so strange. It’s not her fault or anything. I like being with her but when we go beyond friend stuff and do girlfriend stuff, I just… I’m thirty-one. I know Alya’s also thirty-one. But when she looks like that, it just feels — wrong, somehow.

It’s not her fault. I love her. I think she’s amazing in every way except that she looks almost the same now as she did when we met, and I’m twice as old now, and it just makes a mess in my head.

I don’t want to tell her, either. Like I said, it’s not her fault. And I can live with it, because at least I have someone now, but… what if something goes wrong? What if one of us suddenly starts ageing again?

I just realised, I never took that polaroid photo this year… I’ll do that later, maybe. Me and Alya and Kagami all together.

—

ASTOUNDING: THESE GIRLS ARE IN THEIR THIRTIES

The ravages of time come for everyone — or do they?

Look at this picture! Marinette Dupain-Cheng (31) is a postdoctorate researcher at PSL, specialising in Asian literature.

In a university environment dominated by wrinkles and grey hairs, she would likely stand out even as a regular 31-year-old. Her supervisors, Marie Byun and Gerard Arnaud-Dupont, are respectively 51 and 59 years old, and her oldest colleague is 64.

However, Miss Dupain-Cheng has garnered a reputation on the university grounds for looking younger than even first-year students. It’s a well-earned reputation. While she rarely interacts with the student body, we brought her picture to a group of ten undergraduates who had no prior experience with her, and asked them to suggest possible ages.

[photo]
Looks young but is more than mature enough: Marinette Dupain-Cheng immersed in her books

The majority of respondents — nine students in all — said she looked between 14 and 17 years old. One, however, thought she seemed even younger.

— She’s like my little sister. My little sister is twelve, said Martin (19).

However, Marinette is not unique. She’s not even unique within her friend group. Kagami Tsurugi (30) studied political science at the same university, where she started the same year as Miss Dupain-Cheng. The two have, according to reports, been friends since middle school.

These days, Miss Tsurugi works at Hôtel de Ville as a clerk, where she started after completing her graduate degree. Her inviting appearance is striking for more than one reason.

Finally, there is Alya Césaire (31), who famously initiated a study into the science of ageing eight years ago, for her master’s thesis in chemistry while at Sorbonne Université. Here she collaborated with two other students from health- and biology-related subjects.

[photo]
Striking Eastern beauty: though young, Kagami Tsurugi commands attention with sunrise eyes

However, at the time it was conducted, the story briefly raised national attention. Miss Césaire herself was a participant of this study, an unusual precedent, but one that was allowed by the institute.

According to professor Claude Pinçon (50), Miss Césaire’s supervisor at the time, another unusual detail was that the study largely involved the researchers’ friends and associates.

— In truth, it wasn’t a study in the traditional sense, said professor Pinçon. — There was no double blinding, and they had a very small sample size. We allowed it to be conducted like this because we thought it was a subject that was worth examining, and it would be impossible to find sufficient coverage for a proper study. 

Miss Césaire’s study also included two other known participants: Alix Kubdel and Luka Couffaine. Both of these were later revealed as Ladybug’s associates, following their deaths in 2027.

In an interview before the completion of her research, Miss Césaire revealed that three unnamed others were also in the study. One of them was rapidly getting older, and studied biochemistry at Sorbonne Université. The other two studied either humanities or social sciences at PSL.

L’Express is today able to reveal that Adrien Agreste, also known as Cat Noir, studied biochemistry at Sorbonne Université. He died in 2027 after showing signs of rapid ageing, similar to what happened with Alix Kubdel and Luka Couffaine. He was also one of Miss Césaire’s friends.

Furthermore, we can reveal that Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Kagami Tsurugi, who are both openly friends with Alya Césaire, respectively studied literature and political science at PSL while the research was underway.

Is it possible that these three girls were the participants of Miss Césaire’s study? We have yet to confirm this. However, evidence suggests that it’s highly possible. If so, it seems they must have been the opposites of their now-dead friends: rather than getting old faster, they seem to stay young for longer.

[photo]
Scientific misfit or misunderstood genius? Alya Césaire has a dark academic past

The study itself is rumoured to have been the subject of a minor controversy within her faculty, when it turned out that some of the information in it was made up or exaggerated. Professor Pinçon didn’t want to confirm this rumour, but other voices within the institute mentioned that there were details that seemed unusual.

If we assume that Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Kagami Tsurugi, and Adrien Agreste were the unnamed participants of the study, that might seem strange. However, there is one more thing that adds a wrinkle to this story’s otherwise pristine skin: they all lived within Paris’ 21st arrondissement, a region that is largely served by Collège Françoise Dupont.

This school is famous for being the worst hit by Hawk Moth and Scalia during their reigns of terror. Consequently, Ladybug and Cat Noir frequently turned up at that school. Similar to the three girls featured here, Ladybug has also caught attention for her youthfulness.

In fact, during her last appearance, many noticed that she seemed barely older than her mid-teens. Given that Cat Noir was part of this study as well, can we assume that Ladybug also participated? Was she a secret seventh participant, and is that why the results were suppressed? Has Professor Pinçon been asked to cover up for the ex-hero?

[photo]
A secret identity unveiled? Ladybug’s similarities to Lila Rossi, a student at CFD in the time of villains

L’Express has no clear answers to these questions. We ask the public to keep their eyes open and call us if they have any tips or ideas.

—

September 21st

Dear Diary,

the story finally broke. The guy from L’Express did a feature on us without asking, and now all kinds of people are trying to call me or mail me or even come into my office. Journalists, politicians, busibodies, all kinds — and they’re harassing Alya and Kagami too. I literally can’t even believe the things he wrote about them! I would be angry at the bad science and research, but I can’t even bring myself to care about that because of how mean he was to Alya ( dark academic past? He was just aching to call her black) and how creepy he was about Kagami. Ugh! I wanna strangle him! I won’t, but I really want to!

How did the guy even get photos of me? I never saw anyone with a camera. And he must have gone deep into archives or whatever with all the stuff he pulled out, ugh, Diary, I’m going to have to go underground. Alya and Kagami too. He got the wrong conclusion but he had a bunch of info, and smarter journalists might dig a little deeper before publishing.

But yeah. We need to make plans, stat. And — good grief, if I ever meet that guy in person I’m going to scream at him. 

September 22nd

We also need money…

September 24th

Things are getting so much worse. I had to take time off work because I can’t focus on anything. There have been stories in Belgium and Italy about us. TVi keeps asking for interviews and they’ve been calling our parents’ houses about it, but I’m not letting anyone go near Nadja Chamack again. Maybe I could ask Manon to plead with her? Manon is pretty smart, she’s studying political philosophy right now…

Anyway, that’s —- hm. I need to focus. I’ve been trying to figure out a solution all day, something we can do when we don’t have enough money to move anywhere else. Fake identities isn’t enough when people know where we li

Okay, um. Kagami just came into my room. She says Félix has offered to provide us with a house in England if we want it. He doesn’t even want anything in return. I’m… not really sure what to do right now. What? Do I say yes? Diary, help…

October 2nd

We’re in England now. London. I think we’re safe. Maybe.

We had to just flee. It was impossible to avoid all the journalists, and I didn’t want to risk anything getting out. I don’t think anyone’s actually made the right connection to our hero identities yet, at least not based on what’s been put in the papers. I really hope I’m right.

We changed names, and ages, and have fake IDs. I’m Perle-Anäelle Fournier, Alya is Charlotte Monté-Riviè, and Kagami is Jacqui Tsuno. We’re fourteen, and we live together with Alya’s dad Kali who also adopted Kagami and me, and Trixx will help us with faking him but we have a fake ID for him as well. And we have a whole house to live in, and it’s got furniture and a kitchen, and three bedrooms, and two floors. It’s gorgeous. And weird. And —

I just… I don’t know how I can possibly thank Félix enough. I’ve thought a lot of mean things about him with the Kagami business and everything, and it was really uncalled for, and now despite that he’s still paid for a whole house for us. On top of all that, I’m not really sure, but it’s possible that something is going on with him and Kagami? When they kissed each other goodbye on the platform, it almost felt like they were saying a permanent farewell or something… I could just be imagining that. I hope they’re still together, at least for Kagami’s sake. Especially because she didn’t get to tell Tomoe anything about going away… she’s got to be very lonely right now.

Ugh… this is going very fast. There’s so much to do. I should stop writing and go to bed already.

October 14th

It’s really difficult getting used to middle school life again. I know most of the things on the curriculum, so I’m not really learning anything, and all the kids are really weird and cliquey, and I can’t believe I thought Alya looked like a teenager. I mean, she does in one way, but there’s a particular way to how teenagers dress and act and hold themselves and Alya doesn’t do those things. She’s so — grown up, I guess. Like in how she takes up space in the world. Thank God. Kagami, too.

We’re settling in okay, though. No new friends, but we don’t need them, I think. We’ll just have to live like this until…

I just realised. There’s no ‘until’. We can’t really go back ever, can we? Agh…

December 12th

It’s hard to keep in touch with everyone in France. I have the group chat with the hero team, and I call Mum and Dad sometimes, but because this all has to be secret I can’t really — I can’t really stay connected like I want to. It’s just Alya and Kagami, and then maybe once a month I talk to someone else.

I decided to just let everyone keep their Miraculous. It’s safer if Paris still has some heroes. They’ll be there if something happens.

Diary — I think Kagami and Félix really did break up. I don’t think they’ve talked even once. Should I ask her? It feels wrong to ask her. She’ll say when she feels ready to, right?

March 17th

Why do I still have middle school bullies? I’m in my thirties.

May 3rd

Confirmed: Kagami and Félix did break up. It was mutual, apparently. They thought she needed a clean break.

Now I feel really bad. At least Alya and me have each other… Kagami doesn’t even have her mum!

And Félix is still paying for the house?

August 10th

Took a polaroid of all three of us together. I’m depressed now.

December 24th

Second year of Christmas without Mum and Dad… I’d always go to their place for Christmas before. I hope they’re doing okay.

January 12th

Kagami still hasn’t tried kissing me again… it’s been almost five years since the last time. Doesn’t she want to?

January 28th

I love Alya. The previous entry was just me asking a question. I still don’t really understand Kagami…

February 4th

I’m gonna get Alya to ask Kagami what’s up.

February 5th

You know how sometimes things are so blindingly obvious and you want to slap yourself in the face for not noticing? Well, you’re a book, so I guess you don’t know. But you know.

I feel really bad, Diary. I think Kagami got the impression I was interested, and then she’s just been hoping the whole time since I would show interest again? Alya asked her and she says Kagami said she didn’t want to get between us, and I didn’t realise I’ve been pushing her to the side this whole time. I thought she wasn’t interested but she was just doing that Kagami thing of keeping it to herself again.

And she kind of broke up with Félix for me, too. I didn’t even know she’d been hoping to get with me all this time. Ughhhhh I really hate this. I feel so awful. I mean, I feel awful for her. Also, I feel awful in general.

Maybe Alya is willing to make room for one more?

February 6th

Update: Alya is totally willing to make room. She says she’s way into Kagami.

… Not sure how to feel about that, honestly.

May 5th

I’ve been thinking. What are the maths of how we’re going to age? Adrien, Alix, and Luka died at 27 or 26. Average lifespan in France is 83. So they lived to about a third of that. Alya and me are 33 this year, Kagami’s 32. Are we going to have three times the lifespan? Or are we going to get 56 years added as the opposite of what they lost, like it’s a flat number? Is it like Fu and we’ll live for like two hundred years? I have no idea what to expect.

Maybe we’ll just age faster once it happens. I don’t like the idea of that. If we get 56 years more, that’s pretty cool. If it’s two hundred years, I’m also fine with it. I guess I’m also fine with three times the lifespan — what’s that going to be? 240? 250? That’s not much longer than Fu.

I just don’t know what to expect, though. We’ve lived for seventeen years now without getting any older. I did the polaroid thing again and we look the exact same. Shouldn’t we have gone up at least one year by now if it was the two hundred years thing?

December 8th

We’ll have to leave this place too, eventually. Make new identities again.

I really hope it’s not the three times the lifespan thing, actually. If we move every five years, that’s going to be… we’ll have to move 44 times…

Actually, wait, that’s only if we stay 15 the whole time. It’s probably going to be ten or something, because it’s fine to look 30 when you’re 45. I think.

July 10th

Doing a maths major was a really good idea, actually. I feel like I’m getting smarter. And I don’t have to get bored because I’m just learning languages and writing again.

April 2nd

Kagami really looks a lot happier these days. Which is great.

I’ve been thinking. It’s actually ridiculous. Kagami is basically like me in so many ways and I didn’t realise, because I’ve got the brains of a slime mould. Of course she was pining. Of course she’d also be into Alya. Of course she thought she’d rather suffer eternity alone rather than rock the boat. I’m such a screwup. Ugh. Gonna go hug her until she forgets what day it is.

May 6th

Wow. It’s been over a year since I last wrote anything here. I guess that’s the thing about having a social circle that’s limited to just two people, I don’t really need to air my thoughts out to a book. I can just talk to Alya and Kagami.

Polaroids still look the same. Hoping for a better result next year.

May 7th

Another whole year passed, huh? I’ve just fallen way out of the habit. Only remembered because of the polaroid. Not going to tell you what it looked like, you can probably guess.

Well, you can’t. Because you’re a book. But you know what I mean.

October 19th

We’re probably going to have to move soon. Make more fake identities and go somewhere else. People keep complimenting me about my youth, and that’s not a good sign…

I don’t know what we’ll do, though. It’s not like we’re saving any money while we’re here. Alya and Kagami work part time in a gas station and that might pay enough to get us to another country when the time comes, but it’s not enough to buy another house or whatever.

October 21st

I talked about it with Alya and Kagami. Kagami said that Félix has offered to buy us another house somewhere else when the time comes. Can we even agree to that? It’s ridiculous how much he’s given us already, and he just offers to give us more? Ugh, I feel really bad now. We might have to say yes but I don’t like it, unless we suddenly win the lottery or something.

May 8th

Polaroid day. I’m making May 8th the official Polaroid Day.

Still look the same. Ugh.

May 8th

Polaroid Day again. I think Alya might be a little taller?

May 8th

Polaroid Day. Yeah… I think Alya might be slightly older. Good! Hope me and Kagami follow suit soon.

May 8th

How old am I? I’ve forgotten. But it’s Polaroid Day, and Alya’s stopped getting older, and Kagami and me haven’t started yet.

Also, I guess I forgot to write it down, but we live in Mongolia now. Ulaanbaatar. I know that sounds random, but it’s a new place where nobody knows us, and also Kagami knows Mongolian. Yeah, I’m impressed too. I’m Evelyn Ma, Alya is Bethany Clarke, Kagami is Midori Aikawa, and her dad is our guardian this time.

Ugh. I hate even writing this out. It’s not like you care, Diary, you’re just a book.

May 8th

Polaroid Day. No changes from last year. I think I’m 42 this year.

May 8th

Polaroid Day time thingy. I was wrong last year, I’m 44 now.

May 8th

Forgot about Polaroid Day. Took the pictures today. Sigh…

May 8th

Diary, do you think there’s a maximum amount of memories you can have in the brain? I’m worried I’ll run out of space if things continue like this. Like I’ll forget what people look like or that I’m Ladybug. It’s been fifteen years since I saw anyone back in France, except Juleka. It’s even longer since I saw Adrien and Alix and Luka. Am I going to forget what they looked like? I keep going back to all the pictures on my phone and just staring for hours at a time. I don’t want to forget.

May 8th

I found Marinette’s diary! I’m gonna hide it in my nightstand. You’re not getting it back unless you beg on your knees, girl.

Hey, I’m just joking. But if you want to beg on your knees I won’t stop you ;)

Anyway, uh… I’m not good at journalling so I’ll stop writing now.

-Alya

May 8th

Alya…

May 8th

I forgot about Polaroid Day for three whole years. I didn’t even remember you, Diary, for two of them. Am I forgetting? Please tell me I’m not. I can’t end up like Alix and forget everything.

I need to do something. I’ll backup the pictures on my phone into organised folders, so I can just look and think “Oh, that’s Alya. That’s Kagami.” I can’t lose anyone else. Even the thought of it makes me shudder. Ugh. No!

I think I might be too upset to write right now. I’ll stop.

Marinette

—

May 9th

Forgot about Polaroid Day again, but this time I only took a day to remember. I don’t look a day older. Alya and Kagami have grown up a bit, I think, but it’s hard to tell. Maybe I’m just seeing things? It’s like they’re a little less round in the face and a little rounder in… I’m not going to write that down, but you can probably guess the general outline. Maybe they’re just eating better these days.

Ugh. Anyway. That’s Polaroid Day status. I’m over fifty now. Really wish I’d start getting older soon.

—

WHAT HAPPENED TO KAGAMI TSURUGI?

A story from the past and a soon-to-be story of the future

Autumn has fallen upon us. Nature is dying all around, in order to give way to new life in the coming spring. It makes one think about the fleeting nature of existence, and — at least for me — it makes me think about a specific event from the past.

In September of 2031, a news story broke in the now-defunct L’Express magazine. The story seemed like a human interest piece at first, portraying three friends who appeared unusually young for their age — but hidden within the folds of that story was a darker undertone.

The friends in question were two relative unknowns, Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Alya Césaire — and Kagami Tsurugi, daughter of business magnate and tech developer Tomoe Tsurugi. Kagami was 30 years old at the time and worked in Paris’s city government, and was reputed to look like a teenager.

Looking like a teenager is a little unusual at that age, but not something that would cause a huge stir in itself. Thus, the story might have entirely escaped notice, had it not been for the connections to three of the city’s superheroes: Alix Kubdel, also known as Bunnyx; Luka Couffaine, also known as Viperion; and Adrien Agreste, also known as Cat Noir.

These were all friends of Mlles Tsurugi, Césaire, and Dupain-Cheng, and had experienced rapid ageing that left them dead before their 28th birthdays. A connection was also drawn to a study done into ageing around a decade prior, and to the hero Ladybug, who had vanished from the public eye a few years before this most recent story broke.

Even so, the story might have died down quickly. Sensations quickly lose their lustre. However, within a week of that story being published, Kagami Tsurugi disappeared completely — as did Alya Césaire and Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Their phone numbers were de-registered, their apartments were abandoned, and their workplaces heard nothing more from them. It was like the three women had vanished completely.

With that final spark, the story remained the burning topic of Paris for weeks afterwards.

This was partly because of Tomoe Tsurugi, who offered significant rewards to anyone who knew anything about her daughter’s whereabouts, and made frequent appearances in the media both to affirm this offer and to condemn the criminals who had abducted her daughter.

The media and the public also speculated on their own, however. Other than abduction, other theories ranged from the three girls going underground, to murder or suicide, to alien abductions.

However, the people who were involved did not speculate at all. Tomoe Tsurugi seemed certain it was an abduction, while Alya Césaire’s and Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s parents said that their daughters were fine. They never explained why they thought this, and many thought they were simply deluded from grief. Eventually, their perspectives disappeared.

To this day, it remains unknown what happened. Life has moved on, for most people. Today is the twenty-second anniversary of the article that kicked everything off, and for now, it seems the ball has stopped rolling. Perhaps, to the families, this is a relief.

Recently, it became known that Tomoe Tsurugi is suffering from pancreatic cancer. She has no other children, and her husband passed away forty years ago. It seems that the Tsurugi company will soon be without an owner, and the family fortune stands without an heir.

On this day, an old swashbuckler like me has to sit down and ask the same questions I asked on television back then: what actually happened to these three women? Were they abducted, or were they murdered? Did they run away, or did they take their own lives? Will we ever know what happened?

All I know is this: their disappearance remains one of the strangest events I ever covered for TVi, back when I anchored the network. With Tomoe Tsurugi’s deteriorating health, it may soon become a hot-button topic again. Whether Kagami Tsurugi is still alive could determine the future of France’s biggest tech giant, and the fortune of its owner.

So every year, once autumn starts to stumble in through the doorway, I find myself asking the question: What happened to Kagami Tsurugi, and to her two friends? Do their bodies rot in an unknown canyon, or have they journeyed to Argentina to live their days out in the sun? All I know is — I hope we find an answer.

— N. Chamack

—

February 28th

Almost two years. I really am getting forgetful.

Kagami wants to go back to see her mum. I’m not sure… I think it would probably be bad if Tomoe saw her still looking so young. Like Tomoe can’t see but she has hands, she’ll know something is weird.

Plus… she worked with both Gabriel and Scalia. I don’t trust her with anything that could lead back to the Miraculous. But I can’t just tell Kagami ‘no’ either, can I? Mum and Dad know why I left, and so do Alya’s mum and dad, but Kagami’s all alone. But I also can’t let her go back to Paris, because if she’s discovered it would be really bad. Also, I couldn’t go with her, because it would also be bad if I got discovered. Alya, too.

I’m not sure what to do… Diary, if you have any advice for me, please write it down by yourself so that when I open you next it’s right there.

mar 1 — well, you didn’t give me any advice, I see. Not that I was expecting you to. That’s fine. I decided not to let Kagami go. I can’t actually stop her, but I said it was a bad idea, and she agreed. She’s definitely sad. I would also be sad! I just think it’s too risky.

Ugh. I’m worried Kagami thinks I don’t trust her. I’d trust her with anything. I just don’t trust Tomoe. You know?

mar 2 I just realised I never said that we moved to Canada. We did.

March 29th

I definitely feel like I overstepped something with Kagami. She’s been curt with me ever since I said she shouldn’t go to France. Diary, was I wrong? Alya won’t give me a straight answer, either. I think she doesn’t know. Ugh, I’m really torn up now. I’m worried Kagami hates me. It’s not like she’s obviously angry or anything, but… !!! I know there’s something wrong.

I think I’ll tell her it’s okay. I’ll let her go and see Tomoe. She’ll probably hate me forever if I don’t.

March 31st

Tomoe is dead. Today. Kagami didn’t get to see her.

Ugh. If I only allowed her to go when she asked first, then everything would have been fine. I’m so stupid. I ruined it so Kagami never even got to talk to her mum for decades, and now — this is all my fault. I didn’t like Tomoe, but Kagami doesn’t deserve this. Even if Tomoe was bad. Diary, I wish I could just turn back time an

I can turn back time. With Fluff. I could let Kagami say goodbye, at the very least.

But the last time someone used Fluff… no. No, no! Diary, I can’t let that happen again! I won’t let Kagami go back in time. I’ll wear it — no. I can’t do that either. What if I start forgetting, like Alix? Ugh… I wish I had another way to turn back time…

April 4th

Kagami’s really mad at me now. I accidentally spilled the idea about using Fluff, and then when I told her it was impossible she blew up. But I really just can’t let anyone use Fluff ever again. Ugh, everything is going wrong…

april 5 Alya is on Kagami’s side now too. I don’t blame her. I don’t blame Kagami either. But I just can’t risk it! I can’t risk losing either of them. I need them, Diary, I need them more than I need the sun.

Alya keeps talking about her results from the study she did. I know what the results were. When you use the Miraculous as you’re growing up, they affect your body, I know all that, I know it’s not supposed to work on adults. But we’re not really adults, are we? We were born over 50 years ago but we still look fifteen. I don’t trust that nothing would happen.

Diary… I could really use some actual advice right now. Please, just this once, just gain the ability to talk and then talk to me…

april 6 I lost. Alya took Fluff’s Miraculous. She said I should get over myself. She’ll use Fluff to get us to Paris, and Kagami will take us back, and she said that way they’ll make it less dangerous. I guess that means she knows exactly what I’m worried about and why.

I hate this. I hate that I don’t have any good arguments against her, either. Of course Kagami deserves to see her mum one last time. I’m just really scared. I don’t want to lose them. It’s selfish and I’m horrible but I’m so scared of being alone. I need someone to hug and kiss. I’m so terrible…

I can’t stop them now, I just have to go with them and hope nothing goes wrong. I’ll leave you open on this page, Diary, because we’re headed back to the 30th in fifteen minutes. If I can even write anything else afterwards I’ll do it when I get back.

—

No. Goodnight.

October 1st

Sorry I didn’t write anything for a while, Diary. I was just preoccupied. Kagami and Alya look fine and don’t look any older. They remember everything fine. No word got out to anyone that we were superheroes, and Tomoe was alone when we found her. Things are… fine? maybe??

It was super strange to see Tomoe. She wasn’t even mad at us. She just sobbed and hugged Kagami. It was the first time I ever felt any sympathy for her because — I would do the same thing if I lost Kagami for so many years. I’m not sad she’s gone, but I think it was good for Kagami that we did it. I just hope nothing goes wrong in the future because of this.

One thing I did realise, though: I think, before Mum and Dad and Alya’s mum and dad die, we should move back to France. Not yet, but I don’t want what happened with Kagami to happen again. She was so devastated after Tomoe died and before we went back, and if that happens with Alya too I’ll never forgive myself.

At least things are fine in the house right now. Kagami is okay with me again. Everyone’s happy. I think.

Ugh. I should stop worrying, and just go and enjoy the time I have with them. Just in case it turns out to end sooner than I want it to.

///

Haneul Sook
Fri 4003-05-01 10:26
To: Fadematou Njifenji-Faure
Header: Why did you sound so excited?

Fadi, I’m fine with excitement, but you made it sound like there was some grand discovery at the end of this ancient heap of paper. The only discovery I have here is that these three women became friends again? I hope this isn’t another one of your pranks.

With (possible) regards,
H. Sook

“Unless we make an effort to dig for it, history will only be written by the victors. We must look deeper.” — Raj Rani Ambedkar

///

///

Fadematou Njifenji-Faure
Fri 4003-05-01 10:30
To: Haneul Sook
Header: Re: Why did you sound so excited?

Oh no! I messed up. I took out the last half of the pages because I wanted to add an extra sticky note, and I must have forgotten to put them back. Sorry! I’’ll get the lot of them to your desk by tomorrow — I’m working from home today.

Fadi

///

///

Haneul Sook
Fri 4003-05-01 11:58
To: Fadematou Njifenji-Faure
Header: Re: Why did you sound so excited?

Good. I am pleased to hear that. I look forward to seeing this grand discovery.

In response to your question regarding the entry titled ‘Is Ladybug Immortal?’, I shall need to read the whole thing before I give you my answer.

With (actual) regards,
H. Sook

“Unless we make an effort to dig for it, history will only be written by the victors. We must look deeper.” — Raj Rani Ambedkar

///