Chapter Text
Kenma watched the minutes pass by on the corner of his handheld console, even if they were passing by at normal speed, it felt ten times longer when you were anxious..
The boy’s stomach twisted itself in knots, of various kinds, his mind was racing and the it felt like time itself was slowing down. It was slowing down on purpose and he cursed it.
A larger part of him wanted Kuroo to come early, get it over with, but he knew deep down inside he savoured every touch, every brush, every kiss and thrust. All of it was something he could never stop thinking about, and to think it was an annual thing once a year.
You’d think that’d be enough to satisfy him.
It never was, Kenma was left the next day wanting more of him, of this, whatever this was. But, he had gotten shot down a long time ago for that. Kenma often felt this activity was more of pity, then free will, but if it was to sympathize with the boy, why did his captain always look at him? If it was out of pity, wouldn’t you not want to see the person’s face? Perhaps he was looking too far into it, and that was a good possibility, but.. It got him to sleep at night, that sliver of hope that maybe one day.. There would be something beyond just sex for them.
Kuroo was starting to wonder more and more, what it would be like to see his long time friend like that everyday. A whimpering, moaning mess just at his touch. Or would Kenma get use to it, bored of him, he has no more use so why keep him around? No, that’s not how Kenma worked. But it was what his mind went to. Of course, the bad things.
Kuroo, didn’t do it out of pity exactly. At first it was, it was to apologize for the rejection. Saying sorry with his body was negotiable, but.. Somehow he didn’t exactly regret it.
At first, he could clearly tell the boy wanted more. But he was pressed to his limit then, not wanting to push their already close friendship even more. He felt like perhaps that was pushing his own luck, and Kenma needed him. It was for him, right?
Or was he just scared, that he fell in love?
That question tugged at his mind, for days, weeks, months, was he in love? The more the days passed by, the more usual Kenma seemed to be. Yet the senior was tearing himself apart. Even if his friend didn’t fully realize it. He was better at putting up fronts than most.
But, to start with, what was love? Kuroo.. Was still confused on that concept itself, but he knew he wanted Kenma in a different way, in fact, he felt himself get eager for when the ball dropped. Not so much for the new year, but just so he could touch the boy. It was the one time he allowed himself to step past the guidelines of their friendship. If they hadn’t already broken a million rules and do-nots there was no going back.
Even with the eagerness, there was still regret that formed in the seniors stomach, next year he might not be able to do this.. College weighs heavy on people, what could he do then? Drop everything and go to him? That… Seemed irrational. To his brain that was, his heart jumped at the idea.
Sighing and letting his shoulders slump, only momentarily, before his grin was plastered back on, looking to his teammates who were having a good time, swirling the alcohol in his plastic cup Kuroo watched his reflection, the grin faded in and out, faltering, like he didn’t really want to smile at all..
Throwing back his head full of tussled locks Kuroo chugged his drink, licking his lips and letting out a deep breath as he glanced to the clock, chest tightening in mixed emotions, almost as mixed as all the alcohol here. And the time approached like a ticking time bomb.
Weaving his way through the crowd the captain knew it would take him a minute to get through all the people, and dump off his solo cup in the nearly overflowing trash can and make his way up to his bedroom quietly, so he started early. Wouldn’t want to disappoint your one time lover and everyday best friend, right?
Kenma did his best to push down the anxiety swelling in his stomach, pressing the buttons a bit more aggressively it became harder and harder to focus as his hands shook, it was almost like he was off in another land and someone was shaking his body to try to wake him up, but after smacking himself in the face and blinking aggressively, Kenma realized he was in the same realm, same room, same pit in his stomach about to burn a hole through his body.
While, his body was more than ready for this, Kenmas mental state was not prepared at all. He had just been buying time by playing games like he always did, and ignored anything he might’ve needed to do. And then again, maybe it was safer that way.
Golden eyes flickered up at the sound of footsteps, he silently hoped it was Kuroo and not some drunk couple looking to get off, like in those stupid high school themed movies that were never entirely accurate. School was a lot more boring than what they showed..
Watching the handle twist slowly the setter suddenly became aware of his appearance, shrugging off his jacket quickly he tossed it to the side, his game landing on the soft fabric before he faced the door again, legs cross and palms pushed into his ankles. Eyes finding that far more interesting than seeing who it was, he already knew.
Kuroo peeked inside the room, as if Kenma wouldn’t be there.
Spotting the boy immediately his heavy heart lifted ever so slightly, seeing him, even if his head was down and he fidgeted, Kuroo had grown to love every bit of the boy. Wait. Not like that..
Even if they weren’t making eye contact, he was sure Kenma was flushing behind his hair as his head only sunk lower, eyes clouding over as he caught the others cologne, the same scent Kenma smelled on himself after every time, he almost never wanted to shower. That was until it wore off, and then he just felt dirty. Used, sometimes that was a worse feeling, and maybe that should’ve convinced him to make this stop the last two times. But how could he?
Kenmas throat constricted, hearing the soft footsteps make their way across the floor after the door was shut, and locked.
He didn’t even bother looking up on his own, as the bed dipped Kuroo gripped his chin, lifting his face to see exactly what he wanted. And in turn Kenma got the expression he wanted as well.
Deep, brown eyes laced with need, and the desire to feel skin on skin.
There wasn’t room for small talk, both knew what the other wanted, so their bodies worked perfectly together. There was no clumsiness, or cute awkward moments to look back on, it was pure lust.
Above all. What else could they be?
Kenma hummed as the hem of his t-shirt was tugged, severing the searing kiss he wasn’t even sure when it started, he just knew he wanted to feel his lips again, whether they be on his own reddening ones, or if they would find their way to somewhere on his body. Kenma wasn’t picky, even if his stomach was doing flips, the anxiety still present. He wanted to push it down, but that’s easier said than done.
Letting out a low sigh of pleasure the boy wrapped his arms around his friend’s neck, the wet and warm kisses felt far too good, better than last time he presumed. Sometimes Kenma pondered if Kuroo read up on these things? No, not possible.. He’s just.. Naturally good. The boy had to push back the thoughts of all the whispers conversations he overheard between Kuroo and Yamamoto about girls, Kenma never liked girls, so he could never bond with them like that. Not that he truly wanted to..
His possessiveness reared its ugly head at the thought, latching his hands onto the sheets Kenma needed to focus on here and now. Not.. That.
Tilting his head back to provide more area he cursed himself, pushing back those thoughts he wanted to enjoy this. He needed to enjoy this.
Kenmas eyes fluttered open, feeling his friend pull away he was sent into a brief moment of panic, did he say something? Did he do something? Did Kuroo sense something?
No, he was just taking off his shirt.
Relaxing his face before his friend could see Kenma melted back into the mattress, not even bothering to look at his friend, too busy trying to calm his shot nerves as he focused on the ceiling.
When Kenma got nervous, he bit his bottom lip, while sexy to the captain he hurried to find a way to distract his friend. Might as well keep moving.. That could act as a fine distraction, even if he felt a pang of guilt.
Tugging at the loose-fitting cotton shorts, Kuroo smirked to himself as he gained Kenmas attention, the flush spreading across his face again as he lifted his hips shakily, whimpering softly as Kuroo gently scraped his nails on the way down.
Put on a front, convince Kenma you aren’t feeling just as anxious, that’s what Kuroo chanted to himself, if this was a one time thing he at least wanted to do it right...
Being completely naked, Kenma was quick to cover himself as always, turning from tossing the underwear and shorts to the side Kuroo’s grin furthered, oh how cute..
Leaning in closer again Kuroo snagged the others pouty bottom lip, tugging on it softly before diving in for another smoldering kiss, it was almost suffocating, like one kiss stole Kenmas whole oxygen supply away in one foul swoop. No, more like a bittersweet swoop..
Kenma couldn’t help but groan into the kiss, relaxing his body as his wrist were gripped and pinned to the soft pillow behind him, Kuroo.. Had knack for getting him to do things. While he never used it in an immature way, it was certainly something apparent to the boy.
It was likewise, from Kenma to Kuroo, those big golden hues could get him to do anything, if Kenma asked him to kill man he wasn’t sure he could deny him. Just like he couldn’t deny at least touching him that night.. Such a desperate face.
The thing that was scary, was that neither knew of the power they held over each other.
Kuroo wanted to speed things up, rubbing his clothed half against Kenma’s naked lower body they both let out a mutual hum, arching his back Kenma broke the kiss and let out a breathy moan as his lips were free, he would’ve sunk his fingertips into his friend’s messy hair by now if it weren’t for his large hands covering his own, unable to move them Kenma was quick to accept his position. For now at least.
Moving his lips from hovering over the other’s, thoroughly satisfied with the panting mess he made out of his friend already Kuroo moved his mouth to ghost over the boy’s neck, licking up the side of it until he reached Kenmas ear, bearing his teeth Kuroo took his earlobe between his teeth, quite happy with the small gasp he was given in return.
Kenma moved his legs, which was pretty much the only thing he could move besides his torso, and wrapped them around Kuroo’s waist, grinding up into his friends clothed groin.
A small shiver ran up the captains spine, letting out a shaky hum he let himself loose for a moment, pushing right back against Kenmas hips.
But, he wouldn’t allow himself to get lost yet.
Keeping the boy’s wrist pinned with one hand, Kuroo let his free hand run down Kenmas chest, stopping just above his pulsing arousal to drag his finger back up, nails digging in.
It felt so good, so damn good, Kenma couldn’t help but push his head further into the pillow as his eyes clenched shut, a low whine bubbling in his throat. The feeling almost made him, drunk, like he could let go of everything and entrust Kuroo with his care and pleasure.
Grinning from ear to ear Kuroo leaned in closer, again, nipping along the boy’s collar bone, just lightly. Enough to make him want to go crazy.
If he kept doing this, kept living in the moment it could just as easily push past the thoughts in his head, he’d get to those someday.
But could someday be too late?
Feeling his small mission was a success Kuroo pulled away, releasing the boy’s wrist as he leaned away enough to admire his work, a hand reaching down to dance across Kenmas navel, pressing his fingertips into the soft flesh he ran them down lower, past the needy cock and right onto his thigh, soon Kuroo’s other hand joined in, spreading his one time lovers legs. He wanted to see everything, imprint it in his mind for later, even if the memories became bitter themselves became bitter.
Kenmas conscious screamed every time, claiming this was bad, it needed to be stopped, and maybe that was true. But gods did it feel too right to be wrong.
Averting his eyes as Kuroo stared down at his body like a hungry predator Kenma had to swallow his pride, almost sighing in relief as his legs were freed, only to look forward and watch his friend unbuckle his belt. God the anxiety was racing through his veins like the blood he bled but Kenma was too overpowered with the want and need to give a damn.
And here it comes, when it all starts in slow motion it ends in a white-hot flash.
Everything that begins must have an end, right? Nothing is infinite in this world, but for once he’d like to defy the universe, or increase their stamina, something, even if he had to sell his soul Kenma was sure he wouldn’t hesitate if he got his best friend’s body all to himself. Selfish, right? Not so much in his eyes, when you finally find the person, that single person that understands just who you are and accepts the things you are and do, doesn’t hesitate and gives you full honesty and makes your heart skip a beat, you’d do anything to make sure they were by your side.
But that also meant pushing down feelings, because feelings like this.. Like this were dangerous.
Kenma inhaled sharply as a saliva slicked finger pressed against his entrance, toes curling into the bed as he did his best to relax, it was all happening so fast, his body was already heating up and clung to the sheets, his clammy hands reaching down to grip those soft blankets of his friend’s bed. It smelled like him all around, somewhere Kenma felt safe and sound, like nothing could hurt him here.
How naive.
Damn did he look so erotic, saliva just peeking out of the corner of his mouth, eyes rolling forward and back depending on where Kuroo’s fingers were, he almost forgot this face, the face of his friend in utter pleasure. Why would he want to forget this?
Leaning down Kuroo devoured those swollen lips, adding in a second and third finger as he stretched the boy, sex once a year gave plenty of time to tighten up, especially when he knew Kenma didn’t sleep around, hell it took ages for Kuroo just to be able to hug the boy. He wasn’t one to throw around his affection.
But.. Kuroo was a little different.
Kuroo was the kind to flirt it up when he wanted, sometimes in front of Kenma, which made things rather painful for the boy. Kuroo could also be ignorant at times.. But, Kenma wasn’t thinking about all of that, not now.
There wasn’t much on his mind besides the fact that this was feeling so damn good, and that his friend needed to hurry up.
Wrapping his legs loosely around Kuroo’s waist Kenma bucked his hips, a low moan flowing past his lips only to be swallowed up by Kuroo, he got the hint, he got it loud and clear.
Pulling away completely Kuroo sat back on his knees, focusing on his belt rather than teasing his friend.
While Kenma was thankful for the advancement, he shivered at the lack of heat, his now free arms went to cover his bare.
Breathing out a sigh the captain’s shaky hands pushed down his own pants, Kuroo didn’t even bother with a condom, barely any lube past his own saliva before he leaned in again and pressed the tip to Kenmas entrance.
You’d think, he’d have all year to be prepared, but.. Maybe that was the point.
A shuttering gasp passed through the boy’s lips as Kuroo pressed in, maybe he wanted him to remember this. There was always a slight ache in the morning from it all, his butt always felt weird after being filled up, but Kenma wouldn’t deny that, that feeling got better and better the more he felt it. Which had only been twice. But he wanted to feel it more, to do more things than just sex.
Clutching onto Kuroo’s shoulders as if it were his lifeline Kenma panted, squeezing his eyes shut as his legs quivered around his friend’s waist. God why was he this big..
Kenma was tight, Kuroo debated silently whether it was just the fact that he hadn’t sexy in nearly a year, or if it was just him not relaxing..
Pushing his face into the boy’s neck Kuroo started trying to plant soft kisses, pausing his motions even if he was rather eager for this, the heat wrapping around his cock was nearly suffocatingly tight. He needed to relax before someone got seriously hurt.
At the kisses Kenma tensed, but soon let himself sink into the mattress again as Kuroo started to whisper things in his ear, ‘like relax’, ‘it’s okay’, he could’ve said anything with that smooth voice and Kenma would’ve believed it.
Even if he whispered-’I love you’ Even if Kenmas conscious told him it was a lie, in the moment
he’d believe it his whole life.
That was why this was so dangerous.
Calloused hand slid their way under Kenmas small back and brought him closer to Kuroo’s chest, Kenma was more than willing to wrap his arms around his friend’s neck and tighten his trembling legs, biting down on Kuroo’s shoulder to muffle the moans as he pushed in some more, hissing at the bite.
It felt good, intoxicatingly so, Kenma didn’t want the feeling to disappear, but he wanted to reach nirvana more than anything. The constant self battle, in the end it was Kuroo who decided how fast he would go, how hard he would pound into the smaller boy’s body, the setter was once in a blue moon out of control.
And in a sadistic way, he liked it.
Pushing in till he was fully sheathed Kuroo breathed out a sigh, like he had been holding his breath the whole time.
The only things he could hear were his racing heartbeat, and the higher pitched pants of his best friend, the music and crowd chatter were but distant noise, buzzing in the background as Kuroo’s mind was only focused on his desire.
Leaning away now just enough to look at Kenmas face the captain took but a moment to admire the flushed complexion, the drool that had once only been barely there was now coming out of both corners of the boy’s mouth, lips parted as light puffs of breath mixed with mild exhaustion left the others throat, bruised lips only closing around the tongue that licked over them as they dried out.
Kuroo felt so overwhelmed for once in his life, he wanted to devour Kenmas mouth, but yet his whole body. One couldn’t do that in one night.. Could they?
Deciding to focus on the boy’s whole body rather than those, delicious looking lips Kuroo moved his hands lower on Kenmas back, letting his upper half relax into the sheets while he supported the bottom, gripping his hips quite fondly before he sped up the movements of his own hips.
Kuroo did his best be somewhat slow, trying to enjoy the moment but damn was it hard when Kenma kept making those noises, and god those faces, the face he wanted to kiss so fucking badly. No, focus.. Focus.. Fuck.
Kenma couldn’t help it, this was his guilty pleasure, the thing that he dreamed about for weeks, months. So he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to enjoy the hell out of this.
And that he did, fingers curling into Kuroo’s sheets Kenma couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed, in the best way possible as his legs trembled and his body kept arching into the air, the dizziness already setting in and there wasn’t much else on his mind besides the cock pounding into him.
Fuck, fuck did he already want to cum, Kuroo let out a few breathless huffs and grunts, hazy eyes trying their best to focus on what he had wanted so badly to do since last time they slept together like this. But gods was it ending so quickly, he grasped at strings, single threads, trying to piece his sanity back together.
Kenma felt his stomach tighten, the feeling in his own limbs becoming fuzzy and his head rolled from side to side moaning out, the sounds becoming course as his throat dried out, but damn he couldn’t shut up.
The warm hand that reached down to stroke his aching cock sent him over the edge, perhaps he screamed, or were those a soft pair lips covering his own? Either way he felt good.. It was like he was being sent to cloud nine. How long would this make shift heaven last?
Kuroo wasn’t far off, the last hand quickly moving from under Kenmas hips and planting themselves beside the boy’s body to brace himself, his lower half shaking as he emptied out the built up release, a loud sigh of pleasure passing by his lips as he ran his tongue over them, trying to bring some kind of moisture back into the dry lips, falling the rest of the way forward onto his friend’s spent body.
The two spent male’s laid there, unwilling to move but unwilling to sleep. In fear that one or the other would disappear in the morning, even if that was quite impossible for Kenma, as he was weighed down. Not that he minded too much.. He wanted to lay here and stare at his friend’s face after he fell asleep, Kenma often liked to whisper his affection to Kuroo after he was fast off in dreamland, it made him feel better. In whatever weird it could.
Panting against the boy’s chest Kuroo lifted his head enough to plant a small wet kiss before he gathered the energy and rolled their bodies, that was after pulling out. Hugging Kenma close at the sight of a shiver, even if it wasn’t exactly from the cold.
Kenma placed his hands against his friends chest, his breathing slowing down as his eyelids became heavy.
Becoming slightly paranoid and nervous, Kenma looked up to Kuroo, seeing as his eyes were closed, and listening to his heart rate slow down Kenma decided perhaps now was a good time.. Before he himself joined him in the place of sleep.
“I love you..”
Kenma mumbled to himself, drawing a small circle on Kuroo’s chest, his eyes always started to sting when this happened, the slight regret forming in his stomach as his pent of feelings were being released. He almost wanted to scream them, but it wasn’t like Kuroo didn’t know..
“I’ve always loved you.. Everything..”
Leaning in he hesitated, like every time, but he still placed a small peck against Kuroo’s collarbone, whimpering softly in his throat as he tried to get rid of the tears in his eyes.
“Even if.. You’ll never love me..”
Taking a pause to collect himself Kenma gulped, nuzzling back into Kuroo’s chest, at least he might as well enjoy the contact while possible..
“I’ll always love you.. Kuroo.”
~Till Next Time~