Work Text:
“MINJEONG KIM!” I screamed, wincing in pain as I felt the last trickle of my pee burn like I just ate a million jalapeños. I braced myself for the after burn I was about to feel when the peeing stopped because I know my groin will feel like it's been thrown into the fiery pits of hell. There is no fucking way this was happening again. The second time in under three months!
“I swear to god Minjeong Kim, I will never let you touch me again!” I marched into our room, annoyed at how peaceful the little maltese looked while I just writhed in pain trying to get rid of the toxins and bacteria in my body. This is so fucking unfair! “Minjeong, we are never having sex ever again!”
My cute , innocent girlfriend bolted right up from the bed, disoriented and unaware of what she just put me through this morning. I can feel my insides churn again, the urge to pee coming like a waterfall that I couldn't help but groan, because what the fuck, I really do not want to go through this again!
Not only is it fucking painful, it is so embarrassing having to waltz in the pharmacy and air out my business like fresh laundry for everyone to judge.
“Yes, I think I need an antibiotic because I think I have a UTI.”
Fuck my life. Why is it always me? Why is Minjeong always spared from the embarrassing effects of having sex?
“Get up, Minjeong!” I hissed as I ran to the washroom because I was starting to feel like my groin had been smeared by hot chili peppers. I hurriedly squatted down on the toilet, waiting for that inevitable pain that's going to send me to hell. I really must be Satan’s daughter because despite feeling like a waterfall was going to gush out of me, my pee was coming out slowly as if taunting me for having sex with my girlfriend.
I can already hear it mocking me, “That's what you get for being a horny little bitch!”
What's a girl gotta do with needs? Not relieve myself?
I could already feel the tears in my eyes when my pee came out excruciatingly slow like a punishment because every droplet caused me to clutch my stomach in pain.
“Baby, what's wrong?”
Ah, my favourite person.
“We are never having sex again!” I yelled.
I looked at her with my tear-stained face because I wanted her to see what she did to me! Pain and suffering all because I wanted to get naked and play with my girlfriend.
“W-what? What did I do?” Minjeong stammered, confused. She helped me get up, not minding that I hadn't washed my hands after wiping myself. “What's wrong?”
“Baby, I have UTI!”
Her eyes widened. That's right, I’m as shocked as you! “Again?”
“Yes, again! What the fuck did you do to me last night?”
Was I being overdramatic? Yes. Was I being unfair? Yes. Was I blaming my girlfriend for the consensual act that we had both partaken the last few days? Yes and yes!
Because, God, why is it always me? Not saying that I want her to experience the same pain every time I pee, but seriously, why me?
We are always so clean — wild, but we are clean!
“I don't know, babe! I’m sorry! You know I always wash my hands before we do anything. And I washed everything before we used it last night!” Minjeong was starting to panic, I could tell. Every time I’m in pain, she goes into a state similar to an anxious puppy who hates car rides.
“I told you you shouldn't have used the mouthwash before you went down on me! No wonder I was already burning last night!”
I have this thing where I can't have sex until both of us wash up because of this very reason! We have always been so clean before and after and it really pisses me off that my meticulousness would betray me every once in a while.
“I’m sorry. I had sushi! You hate it when I don't wash my mouth at least!”
“Baby, not with mouthwash! It stings!”
“Sorry!” Minjeong apologized for the millionth time. “But, baby, you also didn't wash up last night.”
I froze. I recalled what happened last night and realized that I passed out right after. I was so tired from work, frustrated and honestly annoyed with what had happened with my lazy co-workers.
“Why didn't you wake me up?”
“I did! You were dead tired. I cleaned you up, though! I wiped you and put on fresh underwear for you.”
Minjeong has always been a good and caring lover and partner. Yes, I was being very mean to her. I am really Satan’s daughter. Guilty, I pouted, feeling bad for blaming her for everything.
I launched myself at her, whining, irrationally saying again that I didn't want to have sex with her ever again.
She only laughed, like the great girlfriend she is, and stroked my back. “I’ll drive you to the pharmacy and get Aeri unnie to prescribe you some antibiotics.”
I pulled away from her right away, disagreeing with her suggestion. “No way, baby. I went there just last month for the same fucking reason! I will not have her make fun of me just because she's our pharmacist and our friend! Not to mention, Yizhuo…” I grimaced, remembering how last time went.
You would think they would have it easy for me considering I’m their friend. You would think they would give me the drugs inconspicuously like the bad boy wannabes in high school who brought weed to school and secretly smoked it underneath the bleachers.
But no, they made my life miserable and had me say all my symptoms for everyone to hear. I swear there was an old lady who judged me when I told Aeri my little lady smelled a little funky.
Lady, at least I got a UTI the fun way!
“What do you want to do, then?”
“Just buy me some cranberry juice. I’m going to flush the shit out of this UTI by tomorrow.”
***
Well, that did not fucking work!
I screamed in horror when I looked in the toilet after I peed. It looked like I peed out some hot sauce.
“Baby, I’m going to Aeri!”
I covered myself up. I had a hat on, a mask, and my thick glasses as if I’m a Kpop idol afraid to get caught by dispatch. Actually, the patrons at Aeri’s pharmacy are worse than dispatch. There's no one more judgmental than old ladies in walkers as if they hadn't had a UTI in their life!
As I stood in line, I looked at the other side of the counter to see who was working. I groaned when I saw that Lily, their student intern, was manning the counter, dealing with the prescriptions and interviewing every patron about their medical history.
Fuck me to hell .
I love Lily, she’s a great kid! She's bright, so full of life, and always so excited to work at the pharmacy despite not being paid a dime!
But Lily was loud — louder than Yizhuo!
Talking to her feels like she's got a microphone doing announcements over the PA system.
I swore under my breath when it was my turn and Lily recognized me right away despite all the covering I wore.
“Jimin unnie, hello!” She greeted me, the lilt in her voice always such a nice thing to hear, but maybe not today.
“Hi, Lily,” I said in a whisper. “Is Aeri here?”
Lily leaned in closer to the counter. “She is. But why are we whispering, unnie?” She asked me in a whisper as well.
I cleared my throat. “Uh, I-I have a UTI,” I said, too low for Lily to hear because she craned her neck and furrowed her brows.
“What's that, unnie?”
“I need to see Aeir because I have a UTI,” I said, gritting my teeth.
“Oh, you have a UTI!” Lily announced to the whole world. “Of course, you're gonna need Aeri sunbae for that! Give me a sec, unnie.”
I covered my face with my hands, feeling like the mask on my face was not enough to cover my embarrassment.
“Seriously, Jimin, do you wipe back to front and not front to back?”
Yizhuo .
She snickered, clearly enjoying my misery.
“Shut up!”
“This is the second time in under three months. You gotta pace yourself, woman!”
“At least I get some!” I muttered, not really proud of my argument. I get some, but at what cost?
Pain and suffering.
“Clearly,” she laughed. “Minjeong must be so good, eh? How many times this week alone?”
“Oh my god, shut up, Yizhuo!” I was getting hot under my mask, so I removed it. Yizhuo laughed even more and I already knew it’s because of how red my face had gotten. “Just go get Aeri and give me my drugs!”
****
“So when was the last time you got a UTI, Jimin-ssi?” Aeri smirked.
“Geez, Aeri, can you just please give me my antibiotics?”
“Hey, I’m just doing my job, Jimin! I need to know your medical history. You don't want them taking away my license now, do you?”
They really must be enjoying this. I reluctantly answered her, wanting to dig the deepest ditch it could reach hell, jump inside it, and never come back. “Last month.”
“Any symptoms?”
“You know my symptoms, Aeri!”
“Hey, it could be different from before!”
I glared at her. “Fine. It burns when I pee. It's a little funky down there, and I saw blood this morning.”
“Yup, sounds like a UTI, alright.”
“Aeri, please,” I begged because I just heard an old lady scoff beside me and I do not want to be fighting an old lady while I felt like peeing every five minutes! “It hurts like a bitch!” I hissed and she laughed.
“Alright, give me 15 minutes. Seriously, you and Minjeong need to take it easy,” she said and then making sure that the old was out of earshot, she whispered, “You’re too horny for your own good.”
“I’m sorry that I love Minjeong so much, okay?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” she waved me off, unfazed by my declaration of love for my girlfriend. “You’re going to have to take one pill, twice a day.”
“With food?”
“No, you can take this without,” she said, not looking at me as she typed something in her computer. “Take it for seven days. Even if your symptoms disappear, you have to finish it.”
I already knew that.
“I better not see you again next month, you little horn dog. Otherwise, that’s actually going to be a problem.”
***
I sighed, relieved to be peeing without the burning sensation. It's been three days of taking antibiotics and I was happy to no longer be in pain.
I sat next to Minjeong who was watching a documentary in the living room.
“We need to stop having too much sex. You need to stop asking me!”
Offended, Minjeong turned to look at me. “Baby, you were the one who texted me that you were horny while I was at work! For three straight days!”
“I was ovulating!”
We looked at each other before bursting out in giggles because of how ridiculous the past few days had been.
Okay, I guess it was my fault.
I was ovulating! I needed her!
Pulling me close to her, she kissed the top of my head before leaning back on the couch.
“We need to take it easy.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “You can say no when I ask you know.”
“Baby, you know that's really hard to do! Have you seen yourself?”
I laughed, because it's true. “You’re right, I am a walking temptation.”
Suddenly, I felt Minjeong's hands creep under my shirt, and her lips trailed down my neck. Before she could even go any further, I slapped her hand right away and pulled myself out of her embrace.
“Minjeong Kim, you stop that! I haven't even finished taking my antibiotics!”