Chapter Text
Loki woke up and immediately grabbed his throbbing head. Why does his head hurt so much? He sits up from the tattered magenta couch, rubbing his aching head. As he opens his eyes, panic floods his body. Where is he? What is happening? Questions fire rapidly as he looks around the room. His eyes are still adjusting to the dimly lit area when one question stands out in his mind. Who is he? For some reason, he can’t remember a thing about himself. This sends him into a panic, and all his nerves are set ablaze. He abruptly stands up, which is a bad idea, because all the blood rushes to his head and makes him dizzy. He stumbled over to the wooden table, which he didn’t realize was there, and smacked his shin into the leg.
“Shit!” He curses and crumbles to the ground, holding his shin. The pain radiating from his shin almost made him forget about his throbbing head and the fact he had no idea where he was, who he was, and what the absolute fuck was happening.
A man rushed into the dining room and grabbed Loki’s shoulder. Loki immediately flinched and backed away. “What the hell?” He stuttered out, holding his shin as he stared at the man with wide, fearful eyes.
The man crouches down to Loki’s level. “Loki? Calm down, sweetie. It’s just me.”
Loki stares at him with confusion. “What? What? Why are you calling me sweetie? Who are you?”
He looks at Loki with hurt in his eyes. “I’m your husband. Do you not remember me?”
Loki breathes heavily, confused, dazed, and in pain. “I-..No?...What?” He glances around the room. A painting of a seaside house in what looks to be Greece hangs on the wall. A protection rune by the door. A green and yellow patterned rug under the cherry wood dining set. He can peer into the kitchen through the doorway from where he’s sitting in the dining room and see seashells on the windowsill. All the curtains are drawn, and it’s very dim in the house. The only lighting in the room is from a red candle on the coffee table.
The man reaches for him, but Loki dodges his advances. “Loki, baby. Calm down. You were in an accident. You have amnesia. I’m your husband.”
Loki was skeptical of this. “How do I know you’re not lying right now?”
The man holds up Loki’s hand, which is wearing a matching wedding ring to the one the man has.
Loki nods, feeling wary, but more convinced now. “Right…” A sharp pain sent shockwaves through his skull, causing him to keel over and curl up on himself.
The man leans down and holds Loki, and Loki wants to protest, but he is in too much pain. “It’s from the accident.”
“Then why am I not in the damn hospital?” He snapped, cradling his head as he tried to breathe through the pain.
“The doctors said you were good to go home. They told me that you didn’t have any major issues.” The man rubs Loki’s back.
The pain fades after a little bit, and Loki opens his eyes again. Tears had slipped past them. “So the seizing pain isn’t a major issue?”
The man shook his head and continued rubbing Loki’s back. “There’s no permanent damage. I’ll go get you a Tylenol.” The man stands up and leaves the room.
”What is Tylenol?” Loki thinks to himself as he’s sitting on the floor, leaning against the leg of the cherry wood table. He looks around the room more and can see a stack of books by the couch and a stale cup of tea on the end table. There’s a bookshelf on the other side of the living room, and a weird metal box on the table right on the wall.
The man returns with a glass of water and “Tylenol” which is a glossy, red, oval-shaped thing. “Here. Take this, it’ll help with the pain.” He says and hands the Tylenol and glass of water to Loki.
Loki takes the glass of water to drink, but he’s not entirely sure of what to do with the oval thing. He stares at it blankly for a moment before asking. “So..um…what do I do with this?”
The man chuckles. “So the amnesia’s that bad huh? You swallow it.”
“Do I chew it or not?” Loki asks, confused.
The man smiles. “Not. Just swallow it.”
Loki puts it in his mouth and tries to swallow it, but it comes back up with his gag reflex and he spits it up into his hands. “Sorry.” He apologizes awkwardly.
“Swallow it with water, it’ll go down easier.” The man rubs his back, and Loki doesn’t have it in him to pull away again.
Loki tries again, and this time it goes down with little issue.
“You’ll feel it start working in just a few minutes. Then the pain will lessen.”
Loki was still so confused and in pain. He looked down at what he was wearing– athletic shorts and a Def Leppard T-shirt. There was a greenish-purple spot developing on his shin. He looked up at the man. “So..who are you exactly?”
“You really don’t remember anything, do you?”
Loki shakes his head, feeling a bit guilty. “I’m sorry. I don’t.”
“I’m Stephen Strange.”
Loki nods. The name seemed…kind of familiar? But not really. Like a name he had heard once or twice in passing conversation. “And me?”
“You’re Loki Strange.” He sits next to Loki and pulls him closer.
That seemed right. So this man…Stephen… was his husband. He was married to a man named Stephen and they lived in this house, his name was Loki and their last name was Strange. “And this is our house.”
“Correct. See, you’re already getting better.” Stephen smiles.
Loki nods and takes another sip of his water. “Okay…another question. What’s that?” He points to the metal box sitting on the table.
“That?” He laughs. “That’s the TV, sweetie.”
Loki feels like an idiot. He has no idea what a TV is. Should he know? How bad was this accident? “What?”
“You turn it on and it plays movies, which…do you know what movies are?”
Loki shakes his head.
Stephen smiles and stands up. “Okay, come here. I’m gonna show you.” He offers a hand to Loki, and Loki takes it.
Stephen guides him to the living room, where they sit down on the tattered magenta couch and Stephen turns the TV on. Loki is immediately drawn to it. He’s so confused about how this works, and Stephen is laughing under his breath, obviously entertained by Loki being lost about something simple to him.
“How does this work? What is this magic?” He asks, confused.
Stephen shakes his head. “Nope. Science.”
Loki nods, he’s too tired and in too much pain to ask what science is. He looks at the wedding ring on his left hand. It looks a little loose.
—
Stephen looks at Loki like he’s made of glass through dinner. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t need more Tylenol?”
Loki shakes his head. “No. I just need to keep drinking water.”
Stephen sighs. “Well, I’m going to keep giving you Tylenol in the morning and the afternoon. I worry.”
Loki feels guilty because he has no idea who Stephen is. He knows that Stephen is his husband, that his name is Stephen Strange, and he knows he likes art, but he doesn’t know Stephen Strange. Yet this man cares for him so deeply. Stephen looks at him with a worried expression. “You need to eat more, baby. You’re so thin.”
Loki tries to eat a little more off of his plate, but can’t find it in himself to eat a lot. His appetite feels dulled and suppressed.
After dinner, Stephen takes their plates and starts doing the dishes. Loki watches him as he does this, not sure of what else to do. “How old am I?”
Stephen pauses for a moment before responding. “You’re twenty-three.”
“And you?”
“Thirty-two.”
Loki doesn’t comment on the age gap. “How long have we been together?”
“Three years. You were twenty, I was twenty-nine.”
Loki nods and leans back on the counter. “And why are there no pictures on the walls? Or on the tables?”
“You hate pictures. I’m not a big fan either.”
Loki stares at his feet. He loathes that he can’t remember anything.
“How’s your shin?” Stephen asks, after a moment of silence.
“Oh, it’s fine. Just a bruise.” Loki replies.
Stephen finishes up doing the dishes. “I’ll run you a nice, warm bath.”
Loki lets out a sigh of relief, a warm bath sounds magnificent. “Thanks, that would be perfect.”
Stephen leaves the kitchen and goes to the bathroom to run Loki a bath. While he is doing this, Loki relaxes. For some reason, he is so tense around Stephen. He doesn’t know why, Stephen is his husband. He should be calmed by his presence.
It’s just the amnesia. He tells himself.
Something deep inside Loki aches. It’s not his head. It’s not his heart. It’s not his stomach. It doesn’t even feel like a hurt that comes from his body. But Loki can’t identify where the spikes of pain are coming from. Whatever it is, it is battered and mutilated.
Loki can hear the water running in the bathroom, which is just a couple feet away, down the hall. Stephen calls for him, “Loki! Your bath is almost done, you wanna get in here?” Loki walks down the hall for a moment before opening the door to the bathroom. The tile is a light shade of blue and it covers the bathroom. Stephen is sitting on the floor next to the tub and invites Loki in.
Loki stands in the doorway awkwardly for a moment. Is Stephen going to leave? Is he staying?
Stephen looks at him expectantly. “Are you just gonna stand there?”
“I’m confused.”
“Did you forget how to take a bath?”
Loki feels his cheeks warm. “No. But…are you..uh…going to be here?”
“Of course. I don’t want you to slip and fall and hurt yourself. You’re still fragile after the accident.” Stephen grabs Loki’s hand and tugs on it. Loki doesn’t budge.
“I don’t know if I feel comfortable with you being in here while I’m taking a bath…naked…” He whispered that last word like it was a big scandal. The word naked burnt on his tongue and he didn’t know why.
Stephen scoffs. “I’ve seen you naked a million times, sweetie. Just get in the bath.”
Loki feels warm. Something burns deep inside him. Something is clawing. Something is burning and clawing.
Loki peels the clothes off of his body.
He slips into the tub.
He stands completely still as Stephen washes him.
Stephen talks.
Loki doesn’t.
Something is wrong.
Something is off.
Something is burning deep inside him.
—
After the bath, Loki rushes to dry off and slip his clothes back on. Stephen laughs at this, amused by his hastiness. Loki slips the sleep pants on backward in his rapidity. “First off, I’ve seen you naked so many times. I don’t get why you’re behaving this way.” Stephen eyes Loki down as he says this.
A shiver goes down Loki’s back. “I-..it’s just the amnesia. The amnesia is making everything a bit awkward. I don’t feel comfortable getting naked in front of you just yet.”
Stephen sighs. “That’s fine sweetie. But this can’t go on forever. I’ll help you get over this phobia.”
Loki nods, feeling guilty. “Thanks.” He says awkwardly. He didn’t know what else to do. His head was feeling better now, just a dull ache rather than a throbbing pain.
“Your pants are on backwards.” Stephen points out.
Loki feels his cheeks warm up. “I know that.” He says before turning them around.
Stephen nods, smiling at him.
Loki had no idea what he was so smiley about.
“So, you ready for bed now, my love?” He says after a moment of silence. He stands up and runs a brush through Loki’s tangled black curls.
Loki tensed up even further when Stephen put his hands on him again. “I need a new shirt. That one got wet.” He points to the shirt he was wearing, lying on the floor by the tub.
“Are you cold?”
“Not especially.”
“Then there’s no need for a shirt. Let’s go get in bed.”
“What if I get cold in the night?”
“Then I’ll keep you warm.” Stephen grabs him by the waist and guides him to the bedroom.
Loki goes along with it. Everything is so..dulled. Everything is fuzzy and uncomfortable and aching. Loki allows himself to be led into the bedroom. He allows his…husband…to guide him into bed and wrap him in a blanket and to hold him. It isn’t comfortable. Loki doesn’t sleep until very late that night. Everything is aching.
—
Loki dreams of golden light shining through big, ornate stained glass windows. They resemble a church’s windows. The light is warm and beautiful, and it is so gorgeous. It draws Loki into a trance. The light fills him with memories of warm cinnamon rolls and candles. Then the candles are snuffed out. Then the blinds are shut. Loki is plunged into darkness and his head aches and his shin is bruised.