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Jisung and Chenle met during their freshman year of high school in a small town. It was the first day of their Introduction to Literature class, and the teacher assigned everyone to pair up for a discussion on their favorite book. Jisung, who was naturally shy, was apprehensive to the assignment provided for a moment before a Chinese man approached him with a warm smile.
With a warm voice, he said, "Hey, mind if we pair up? I'm Chenle."
Jisung felt enticed by his newfound acquaintance, a little smile erupting on his face.
"Sure, I'm Jisung. Nice to meet you."
They sat down in a cozy corner of the library, and the conversation flowed effortlessly, bonding over Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, and other classic literature novels.
They spent the next hour discussing their favorite scenes, characters, and themes. Jisung was surprised by how easy it was to talk to Chenle — he had a way of making him feel comfortable and valued.
As the class came to a surprisingly dreadful conclusion, Jisung found himself not wanting to lose contact with the other. He spoke with a shaky voice, “I can't believe we have so much in common. It's rare to find someone who loves reading as much as I do."
Chenle giggled, "I know, right? We should definitely hang out more."
From that day on, Jisung and Chenle were inseparable. They studied together, attended literary events, and explored the city, discovering hidden bookstores and quaint coffee shops — discussing their histories, sharing stories with faint smiles on their faces . One evening, after their daily meeting, they decided to take a walk by the river.
"You know, I never thought I'd meet someone like you here. You really get me in a way that no one else does."
Jisung smiles at the other — feeling his face heat up. "I feel the same way. It's like we've known each other forever, like we’re soulmates or something."
As they walked, Chenle reached for Jisung’s hand, and he felt a spark of electricity. They stopped by the water's edge, and Chenle turned to face him.
For a while, all you could hear was the water splashing against the stone barrier and cicadas buzzing in the distance. They lavished in this comfortable silence — the simple presence of the other was enough to be at peace.
"Jisung, I know this might sound crazy, but I think I'm falling for you." Chenle admits, breaking the peaceful silence between them.
Jisung’s heart raced, and he felt a mix of excitement and nervousness.
He’s felt the same way for a while — Jisung noticed the feeling in his gut ever since their first conversation. He spent days sharing all of the intricate details of Chenle to his friends and family, a sweet smile on his face each time.
With a shy giggle, Jisung replies.
"Chenle, I feel the same way. I've been trying to find the right moment to tell you."
With that, Chenle leaned in and gently kissed him. It was a moment of pure magic, and they both knew that their connection was something special.
The weeks turned into months, and their relationship blossomed. They spent late nights talking about their dreams and aspirations, never failing to etch themselves in the others future. They supported each other through the ups and downs of college life — annoying professors, family arguments, almost anything.
Jisung had been experiencing anxieties recently — he noticed Chenle to be a little off after they celebrated their first year together. He had become cold and more irritable, but Jisung excused it to be a difficult final semester. Chenle had always been the one to shy away from opening up anyways, so he assumed that he was overreacting and that everything between them would be fine — like they always were.
One night, as they sat on the grass in Chenle’s backyard, gazing at the stars, Jisung opened up about his fears.
Jisung exhaled lightly and turned to face the other, staring at his side profile before muttering, "Sometimes, I worry that this is too good to be true. What if something happens and we lose what we have?"
There was a moment of silence before Chenle replied, "Jisung, I can't predict the future, but I know that I want to be with you. We'll face whatever comes our way together."
Jisung smiled, feeling reassured by his words, holding Chenle close to him as a cool breeze hit his face.
—
That was a little over two years ago. Now, Jisung finds himself in a completely different position. After him and Chenle broke up, he couldn’t bring himself to live in the same small town as the older — transferring almost immediately after he graduated. Jisung left everything behind, including his old self — everything was too connected to Chenle. After all, your lives seem to morph together after spending such a long time together. Now, he lays flat in his new, ice-cold dorm bed, and he ruefully laughs at the hypocrisy of Chenle’s words replaying in his mind for the thousandth time.
The sentence, “I know I want to be with you,” pangs in his heart — he wonders if Chenle knew their demise all along, and was lying to him to keep Jisung happy.
Chenle was the one to end things — sending Jisung a text that read, “ I can’t do this anymore. I love you, I’m sorry ,” after a seemingly normal date night.
Jisung had never really dove back into the ‘love’ scene after that — every time he tried, he never felt the same connection he once had.
One good thing in his life, though, was his newfound best friend — Jaemin. Jaemin was his first friend on his new campus, the black-haired male approached him when he noticed Jisung sitting alone in the lunch hall. Jaemin, a year older than him, had quickly grown to be a brotherly figure, providing him with food, rides, and therapeutic conversations after one too many drinks on a Tuesday night.
His first semester at university ended quickly than he would’ve liked — Jisung knew the holiday season warrants a visit to his hometown. His stomach drops at the realization. He longed to see his family, but the other people he could see made him dread the city he once felt at peace with.
Jaemin drove him there.
As they drove closer and closer to his destination, Jaemin spoke.
“You’ll be just fine, kid. If anything goes wrong, I’m one call away, okay?”
Jisung shakily exhales — the anxiety of being back seeping into his body. All he could release was a nod as they pulled into the driveway of Jisung’s childhood home.
He whispered a small thanks to Jaemin and shut the car door, an anxiety-ridden smile showing on his face as his mother opened the front door, quickly running out to see him, arms outstretched.
When he walks inside, he’s filled with the smell of his old favorite holiday recipes and a cinnamon candle burning nearby. He coughs up an excuse about being tired from the drive to go to his room, although he regrets doing so once he opens the door.
He’s immediately welcomed with a framed photo of him and Chenle wrapped in a small embrace on his nightstand. The dust on the photo frame spreads as he flicks the light on, Chenle’s bright laugh echoing through his head. He picks up the photo frame as he sits on the edge of his bed, duvet still folded in the way he left it when he dissapeared.
Flashbacks flowed through his mind — he thought of him and Chenle reading love stories together, comparing them to their relationship. They always said that they loved the way Fitzgerald scripted the fatal love story in The Great Gatsby, but Jisung never knew they would write one themselves.
He decided he had enough of his room after this, deciding to visit an all too familiar coffee shop instead.
When he waltzed in to the calm aura of the cafe, a familiar prosaic voice boomed from behind him.
“I didn’t think I’d be seeing you back here any time soon!”
Jisung slowly turned his head, meeting eyes with Renjun Huang. He was never especially close to Renjun, but it’s difficult to not become acquainted with your boyfriend’s best friend.
Jisung mentally slapped himself in his head for coming back, “Oh, hello,” he deadpans, awkwardly clearing his throat.
Renjun ushers him to sit in a booth with a smile beaming on his face.
Jisung notices that Renjun is wearing an apron, and as a desperate escape attempt from this conversation, he questions,
“Do you work here now?”
Renjun giggles with a wink, “Yeah, but lucky for you, I’m on break!”
Jisung’s fists clench at his sides as he resists groaning out loud.
They sit in silence for a few seconds — Jisung can’t think of anything to ask, but one question keeps peering into his subconscious.
Before he can control it, Jisung inquires,
“Uhm… How’s Chenle been?”
Renjun meets his eyes.
“There it is. I was waiting for that—” he replies with a smile, cutting his own sentence off.
Jisung bites his lip anxiously.
“Well, he’s alright. You should really try talking to him, you know? You kind of left out of the blue.”
Jisung scoffs lightly — does Renjun really think he wants to make any attempt of conversation with the person who basically ruined his life?
As Renjun slides out of the booth, his imaginary break coincidentally ending at the start of an insanely awkward conversation.
“I know it’s hard, Jisung, but maybe you should hear him out.”
Jisung leaves the two of them in silence again, the only thing you can hear is rain falling against the glass and the sound of the espresso machine in close proximity. Renjun starts to walk away before he turns his head back slightly, a pleading smile on his face.
“Think about it, Jisung. Okay?”
Jisung laughs at him, and he walks out of the restaurant.
When he walks out onto the rainy sidewalk, his phone pings.
Instead of receiving a text from Jaemin (as usual), the text appears to be from an unsaved number.
+86 58013598
is this park jisung?
Jisung’s thumbs hover over the keyboard, typing a maybe in response.
+82 1035186934
maybe
who is this.?
+86 58013598
it’s chenle
i heard you’re back in town
As Jisung’s eyes follow the text, he wonders what he did in his past life to be treated like this now. He really wishes that an eagle would fly in from nowhere and steal his phone from him.
Jisung decides to protect his peace by leaving the number on read, walking back to his house with his phone in his pocket instead of his hands.
When he arrives back at his room, he ignores the picture frame that is now face-down on his bed and calls Jaemin.
He’s met with a smiley Jaemin, but the smile on the others face quickly fades as he sees Jisung’s exhausted expression.
“Dude, you’ve been home for like, four hours. What could have possibly happened in that time?”
Jisung rolls his eyes, fingers rubbing his temple.
“Hello to you, too,” He states, looking directly into the camera.
Jaemin releases a hearty laugh and asks him what happened.
Jisung relays the past events to him, and Jaemin groans.
“How about I just come get you? You can hang out with me and Jeno all winter break.”
Jeno is Jaemin’s high-school sweetheart. They’re practically made for each other — if you only knew one of them, you’d think the other was the same person.
“No thanks — I’d rather not third wheel. Again.”
Jaemin giggles.
“ Okay, Jisungie. Don’t forget, I’m one call away, alright? Goodnight.”
Jisung smiles at him before hanging up, feeling slightly relieving after speaking to him.
This feeling is short-lived, because he immediately receives a text from the same number that texted him earlier.
+86 58013598
renjun-ge said that you already left the coffee shop
please just give me a chance to explain myself
Jisung chuckles at the texts, turning his phone off once more. It’s funny to Jisung that the only time Chenle attempts to reach out to him is when he’s back in town — he wonders if this is only because he had yet another failed relationship.
Throughout the next few days, Jisung spends his time lousing around his mom’s house, watching old Christmas movies that remind him of when he was a little kid.
On his sixth day of being back, he decides to venture out. He heard word of a party at his old high school’s football stadium, and he thought it wouldn’t hurt to attend.
And of course, Jisung had to be recognized — again.
This time, the pair that approach him is Lee Minhyung and Lee Donghyuck.
Mark’s canadian accent is still distinguishable as he yells, “Yo, Jisung! Is that really you?”
Jisung freezes for a second before he laughs, nodding slowly.
Donghyuck looks up at him in awe and jokes, “Is it normal for somebody to disappear for two years and grow like, five inches?”
The pair guides Jisung outside of the stadium and into the bleachers.
Jisung forgets how much people can change within just a few years when Donghyuck takes a cigarette out from his pocket, soon lifting a lighter to his mouth as he hands another cigarette to Mark.
Donghyuck turns his head to him, “Want one?”
At first, Jisung shakes his head, but he decides, “Why not?”
Mark raises an eyebrow, “You sure? You don’t have to smoke just because we are.”
Jisung nods, biting his lip.
“I’ll be fine. I’m not a kid anymore, right?”
Donghyuck giggles at him, nodding to his hand as he places the lit cigarette between Jisung’s fingers.
Jisung inhales silently, feeling the nicotine infiltrate his lungs.
He was never a smoker.
Jisung he barks out a violent cough instead of an exhale, shaky hands giving the cigarette back to Donghyuck.
The two next to him laugh at his reaction,
“You alright?” Mark asks, patting his back.
Jisung lies.
“Yeah — just not for me, I guess.”
Jisung doesn’t know what was in that cigarette, but he knows that it definitely was not for him. As time passes, he feels more and more faint. He stands, trying to find consciousness. Instead, he loses all of it — passing out on the bleachers, hitting his head on the railing.
Donghyuck and Mark immediately freak out.
“Oh shit, Mark—“
“Fuck, shit— What the fuck do we do?”
As they repeat various curses and dial the non-emergency number, they hear a voice in the distance.
“Mark— Haechan— What the hell just happened?”
—
Jisung regains his senses in a hospital bed. An IV is being poked into his arm by a practitioner as a nurse questions Mark and Donghyuck in the lobby. Jisung catches a glimpse of a third person sitting beside them, but he can’t tell who it is.
In the lobby, the nurse pries them into answering a couple of questions.
“We ran a couple of tests on him, and they show that his blood pressure was extremely low— did he faint out of nowhere?”
Mark speaks up.
“Kind of, I guess. We were passing a cigarette to him and after he took a puff he coughed for a while and just, passed out.”
The nurse nods — seeming to have some sort of epiphany at Mark’s admission.
She clicks her tongue, “Okay, well… it seems that Jisung has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder before this. When somebody with an anxiety disorder consumes nicotine, an added side effect—“
The third figure in the room cuts her off.
“Wait— Generalized anxiety disorder? ”
The nurse clears her throat, staring at the Chinese boy who interrupted her.
“Yes— Generalized anxiety disorder is very common among men his age, there’s nothing to worry about.”
Chenle swallows thickly at the nurses speech. Funnily enough, he also didn’t realize how much a person could change within a few years.
He knows anxiety is common in the world, but he can’t help but think that he is the root of Jisung’s diagnosis. Sure, Jisung had his anxieties here and there, but none of them were bad enough to get a diagnosis.
Chenle’s mind was racing. He went to the “reunion” party at his old high school because Mark told him Jisung was there, but he didn’t expect Jisung to be unconscious. He was hoping to patch things up with Jisung at said party, and he’s afraid of how Jisung will react when he sees Chenle in the hospital lobby waiting for him.
When the practitioner allowed them to enter Jisung’s hospital room, Chenle requested for him to have alone time with Jisung.
The air grew tense when Chenle walked in, Jisung grumbling a what are you doing here? as Chenle sat on the chair beside the bed.
“Jisung, I know things didn’t end well between us, but I never stopped thinking about you. I still care about you, Jisung. More than anything. I want to fix things— I want to make things right,” Chenle said, his voice trembling with emotion.
Jisung opened his eyes slowly and looked at Chenle, a frown forming on his face. “If you never stopped thinking about me, why’d you leave? I don’t trust you, Chenle. I’ll need time.”
The rising tempo of the heart monitor served as white noise in the solemn atmosphere of the room.
Chenle slowly reached out for Jisung’s pale, cold hand.
“I’ll be here, Jisung. I’ll wait for you to be ready.”
Jisung weakly laughs, and before he falls asleep, he silently whispers,
“Thank you for coming back.”
—
Jisung was discharged the next morning, and despite his brain still deeming Chenle as untrustworthy, he smiled when he saw him there to guide him out of the hospital.
Instead of taking Jisung home, Chenle drives him to the river. They sit at the bench and talk for hours — reminiscing over the good times and acknowledging the mistakes they both made. It was a conversation filled with tears, laughter, and a lot of healing.
It feels like Jisung was transported back in time, because the remainder of his stay at home was spent with Chenle.
Jisung wonders what would have happened if he denied coming back to his hometown — he wonders if it was truly this easy to reconnect Chenle after all the years he spent yearning for his love.
On Jisung’s last day, him and Chenle discussed everything. Chenle explained the truth behind the breakup — saying that it was because of his parents.
His parents had never been accepting of their relationship — Jisung never met them and Chenle rarely spoke of them. Jisung brushed it off because Chenle made it known that he had a rough childhood, which was the reason why he came to Korea from Shanghai for high school.
Their relationship mending conversation ended as Jaemin’s car pulled into the driveway.
With a longing embrace, they said farewell. Chenle whispered an I love you in Jisung’s ear that made Jisung want to plead Jaemin to turn around and never come back.
Instead, Jisung turned around and walked to the car.
As he opened the door, he spoke,
“I love you, I’m sorry.”