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Jazz had managed to regain his room. Once the Heartbreaker event was over, he returned home to find his bedroom squatted by that asshole of his big brother. "Yo, Jazz" Rock greeted him, placing an empty beer bottle on the coffee table, which fell and rolled away, crashing into other empty bottles of alcohol that were scattered on the coffee table, on the floor, everywhere. "I heard you managed to get fooled by your teachers. They got your head straight, not bad" the demon said, then burst into a loud laugh, as if he had told some funny joke.
Jazz, a vein in his temple throbbing with anger, was in no mood to face that idiot of a brother, "Get out of my room!" he shouted, punching the open door. Rock showed no reaction, other than a defiant smirk. Jazz had to resort to the only weapon that allowed him not to immediately jump and tighten his ringed fingers around his brother's neck. He sighed theatrically "What a shame, I bet your golden watches if I lost. Good thing you were stuck in here, I was afraid you'd catch me with my hands in your safe" said the black haired demon, smirking.
Rock immediately stood up from his younger brother's couch, a furious expression on his face "You little shit, you couldn't even break into a music box with the key still in the lock!" exclaimed the demon. Jazz shrugged, replying "Well, I'm learning a few tricks in Babyls". Cursing under his breath, Rock left the room with a brisk pace, forcefully pushing his younger brother against the wall to make room for himself. Jazz massaged his left arm, which was sore from the blow. With a kick, he closed the door to the room.
He glanced at his room, a monstrous mess compared to how he had left it that morning, before bad luck had struck on what was supposed to be just another unscheduled event for Babyls. Jazz sighed, approaching his own bed. He abandoned himself to the force of gravity, landing on his back on the unmade bed. He didn't have the strength to tidy up the room, he would think about it tomorrow. He stretched out his arms to grab the pillow and put it under his head, to be more comfortable.
The fingers of his left hand touched something light, empty… plasticky? Jazz pulled the mysterious object from under the pillow. "What the hell!" exclaimed the young student, disgusted, throwing away the plastic bag that once contained a devicondom. Now the smell of sweat and women's perfume that hung in the room was explained.
Sighing, Jazz rose from the bed, grabbed a light blanket from the closet, and lay down on the corner of the couch, fervently hoping that at least that had been spared from her brother's incivility. Sleep was merciful, and she took him into her arms shortly after she closed her eyes.
…
‘Waterboarding, electric shocks, and intense pressure. I think that's enough of a warmup. Now it's finally time for a very special surprise!’
Jazz's eyes snapped open. His lungs felt heavy in his chest, his mouth open trying to draw in the oxygen his nose couldn't get, but no air was coming. Sweaty and terrified, Jazz sat up, his left hand clenched to his chest, rapid, raspy breaths coming out of his mouth. He looked around, confused. He had to breathe. He had to calm down. He had to escape? First of all, he had to breathe.
"Damn!" the young demon exclaimed in frustration, the air barely managing to enter his throat. Every shaky breath was a struggle, every noisy inhale a gasp, every flickering shadow a source of fear. He felt a strong anguish, an unquiet anxiety that pushed him to look around, to make a mental list of the things that were missing and especially those that were missing from his room. In an attempt to calm himself, he began to categorize which types of bins the garbage his brother had left should be sorted into too.
This mental calculation helped him calm down. His breathing slowed, his mind cleared. Jazz took his hellphone out of his pocket to check the time. It was 03:33. "Damn," the demon muttered, nervous at the thought of having so many hours of sleep left. A vain fear, because the boy couldn't get back to sleep. That was the first of a long series of sleepless nights.
…
Babyls cared about his students, the so-called "treasures" contained within. A little too much, for the ringed boy's tastes. "Are you sure there's nothing else you'd like to talk to me about today, Andro-kun?" Professor Murmur asked, in a casual tone. Jazz waved his left hand with all too obvious nonchalance "Nay. I already told you, it's all fine. I know it was all limited to Heartbreaker, I don't hold any hard feelings towards Professor Marbas, but I would gladly avoid attending his class" the young demon chuckled at the end of the last statement.
Murmur looked at him, seeing the colors around him well thanks to his Bloodline ability. Gray. Purple. Black. The black-haired student was still not well. At the joint proposal of the faculty, he had started to provide counseling sessions for all the students who had been shaken or had suffered any possible trauma from the Heartbreaker event, especially following the betrayal of one of the two new teachers. It wasn't mandatory, but some students weren't completely honest with him and even worse with themselves, as in the case of Jazz.
The black haired demon yawned, covering his mouth with his left hand, then he pointed with the other hand to the clock hanging on the wall and asked "Professor Murmur, can I go? Professor Kalego's class is starting soon, if I'm late I'll be in trouble". Murmur stood up first, accompanying him to the door "No problem. Andro-kun, for anything that may come to mind, don't be shy about setting up a meeting with me. I'll always be available to listen to you, even if you think it might be something stupid or unimportant" the red-haired demon proposed, and then said goodbye. Jazz simply returned the greeting, then calmly walked off to Royal One, where his next class awaited him.
Murmur sat down at his desk, pulled a file from the sixth drawer on the left, and quickly wrote, "Andro M. Jazz: Uncooperative student. Needs more time and care to deal with his trauma." The demon sighed. Who had given Marbas permission to use torture devices on students?
…
"He really said "I'll always be available to listen to you", my ass" Jazz muttered to himself, as he texted Allocer to take for them a seat out of Kalego's line of sight. He needed to take a nap, but he also didn't want to be punished by the Emperor of Doom and Gloom. Jazz yawned again, as he pondered 'What help would talking to a professor about that crazy, out-of-control Professor Marbas do me? I was scared shitless, it’s true, but I got over it thanks to Iruma-kun. In fact, compared to the others, I got away with it! Allocer and the kouhai were threatened by that crazy Professor Atori, Sabnock was literally sent to the infirmary because of him... and Iruma-kun! It's crazy how someone would try to kidnap Iruma-kun! Being the grandson of a high ranking demon must be tough, huh…’
Jazz couldn't forget the events of that day, both during day and night they came back to him. He was sincerely convinced that, since there were some of his classmates who had had a hard time, he had nothing to complain about. In the end, he had no scars, no obvious injuries, his brain was working just as it had before. 'Well, there's nothing to worry about. I'm fine' the demon concluded mentally, entering the Royal One. But not everyone felt the same way.
“Are you okay, Jazz?" Allocer asked, after they both sat down at the back of the room. Jazz hid his head in his arms crossed on the desk, muttering, "Yeah, I’ve already told you, I'm fine. Jeez, when are you going to stop asking?" Allocer touched his muzzle, as he replied, "Until you’ll be well for real. Meetings with Professor Murmur are really helpful, if you give them a real chance. Mens sana in corpore sano, Jazz. Your body is fine, but your mind is not". Jazz just grunted in annoyance, falling asleep after a few minutes. He only woke up when Kalego, late in the class, uncharacteristically walked away from the desk and lifted his head, yelling at him to pay attention instead of sleep. Dazed and confused, Jazz looked around, between giggles and worried looks.
He briefly met the gaze of Iruma, who fell into the latter category. Jazz quickly looked away, muttering an apology. Kalego nodded, then returned to the desk and resumed the lesson where he had left off. Jazz tried to find where they had left off in his textbook. Allocer extended his left index finger and pointed to the correct line. The black haired demon thanked him, then looked up at the desk. He saw Iruma turn around, but not before giving him another worried look.
'Oh no' the young demon thought, taking his face in his right hand. 'What kind of big brother am I, if I make my little brothers worry?'. Along with Allocer, Lied had also shown some concern for him in the past few days, but he had managed to reassure him somewhat. With Iruma, however, his intuition told him that it wouldn't be as easy. As small and seemingly shy as the blue haired boy was, he was actually full of determination when the situation called for it.
Jazz couldn't forget Asmodeus' (perhaps a little too exaggerated) story about that time at Walter Park, how Iruma had thrown himself under falling rubble to help a child he had zero relationship or acquaintance with, how he had rushed to save other children in danger and how he had expressed his "relentless fury" towards the terrorists who had ruined their day at the amusement park.
Jazz had gotten to know the Chair-demon's grandson better over the course of that year and a half, so he knew he wasn't the type to give up. 'There's no point in troubling Iruma-kun' he mused to himself. 'He's the one who needs to go to Professor Murmur's meetings. Some lunatic tried to kidnap him, attacked some students and the Chair-demon hasn't been seen since that day. I absolutely have to calm him down somehow, otherwise what kind of big brother would I be? Just think, Andro M. Jazz, just think!'
The concentration for the lesson vanished before it even came into existence, the young demon's mind distracted for the umpteenth time.
…
Demons were unpredictable, devoted to their ambitions, willingly submissive to their desires and needs. Emotions could change at the speed of a summer downpour, their intensity could last a short time or on the contrary decades. Therefore, it was not strange to have mood swings, especially for young demons who still had to learn to manage their Bloodline abilities but also their emotions. But Jazz's were more and more numerous, more and more recurrent. When he chatted with Lied, Allocer or exchanged a few words with the girls of the Misfits class he was calm, but when he spoke with Caim, Allocer or Lied again sometimes he had sudden outbursts of anger, even if it was for stupid matters. He tried to joke about it, or when he admitted he had gone too far, he sincerely apologized and then changed the subject.
It was not uncommon for Jazz to forget something, or end up making choices he didn't remember making. "Jazz-kun, what is that menu like?" Iruma asked, once he had joined Allocer, Lied and Purson at the Iruma's army table in the cafeteria. Confused, Jazz looked at his plate, realizing late that he had only taken vegetables, devieggs, fruit, hellpotatoes and something he had never seen before, but meat was definitely missing from his dishes.
The black-haired demon smiled and replied, "Yup! This week there is roast meat, but I really don't like it. What menu did you choose instead?" Lied immediately intervened, followed by Iruma and Clara, while Allocer, Asmodeus and Purson remained silent. They had noticed that their classmate had stopped taking meat-based dishes for some time, but they considered it a personal choice of the demon so they didn't interfere. Jazz hadn't decided to become a vegetarian or try less animal protein-rich alternatives, which choice would probably have triggered a reaction from that meat lover Sabnock. 'The smell of burning meat makes me nauseous' thought the black haired demon, continuing to alternate fork to his mouth and chat with the classmates.
He had suffered no visible, tangible damage, or worse, incurable wounds even with healing magic. However, the smell of roasted, grilled, boiled, cooked in any way, reminded him of the smell of his own skin after the short but numerous and intense electroshock sessions that Marbas had practiced on him during the Heartbreaker event, in an attempt to extort the information that would lead to his defeat and disqualification from the test. Just as Jazz had not been able to wash himself in the bathtub for some time, he only found safety under the jet of hot water in the shower. Waterboarding had totally taken away the pleasure and comfort of a hot bath at the end of the day.
'Now, think carefully. this will be the last time you get a choice'
Jazz, while that morning was getting ready for school, took off with a sudden and brusque gesture the necklace he had just put around his neck, throwing it away in an unspecified point of his room. Taking a deep breath as he looked around, Marbas’ words came to mind. “Man, I liked that necklace. Oh well” the young demon muttered to himself, looking away from where he had thrown the ornament and forgetting about it.
No, ever since the day Marbas had put that worm-shaped beast around his neck, with the serious threat of compromising his wing roots for life if not his life itself, he had no longer tolerated having anything around his neck. Necklaces, high collars, scarves, the result was the same. Despite what Allocer might suggest, he felt good. Despite Murmur’s gentle implicit invitations to dialogue, he felt no need to talk about anything.
"I'm fine" Jazz said as he headed toward the front of the apartment. "Nah, you suck" Rock replied back, smoking in the kitchen despite his younger brother's repeated pleas not to stink up the food area with that smoke. "Fuck off" Jazz said, slamming the front door behind him, then headed toward Babyls.
…
Jazz had learned a few tricks over time to make the demons around him stop worrying. He had started to imagine himself as a rotten apple. He would show them the less spoiled part and tell them nonchalantly "... This has happened, it's true. I'm pissed off, adults are really unreliable! Hear me out" he would say, rambling on and on so that his interlocutor couldn't even interrupt him. That demon thought that his problems were limited to that, that the consequences weren't as serious as he feared, and everything would go back to normal. It was a trick that worked with anyone. Except with Iruma, because he wasn't just any demon.
"Jazz-kun, are you okay?" Sometimes he would ask him out of nowhere, at the most varied moments. Precisely in the moments in which Jazz was facing some unexpected difficulty, some unpleasant reminder, or simply felt less like himself. The black haired demon always answered affirmatively, a big smile on his lips. Iruma, however, never seemed to be appeased by that answer. One time, the blue haired boy seemed more determined than usual to talk to him about something. But Jazz wasn't going to let his self-appointed younger brother worry needlessly.
"Hey, Iruma-kun" the demon interrupted, throwing his left arm around Iruma's shoulders, holding him close as the four walked toward Royal One. "How's it going at home? Any news from the Chair-demon?" Jazz asked, hoping to distract him. And, in truth, to hear some good news every now and then.
Iruma lowered his head, smiling sadly. "Grandpa hasn't returned yet… but Opera-san says he sends his greetings every day, that he checks in on me, that he misses me a lot but is very busy with his work so he can't come back" The young human replied, drawing attempts at support from his soulmates.
"Sullivan-sama is a high-value demon and is therefore in great demand, but don't worry: he will return home soon, I can assure you" Asmodeus said, his right hand on his chest. Clara also chimed in, hopping around Iruma, stating "Yeah, Azz-Azz is right! When he comes back he will fill you with lots of hugs because he loves you so much!"
Iruma nodded, the smile on his lips brightening, sincere. Jazz tried to contribute, making a proposal "Hey, if you have a free house, why don't we organize another evening at your house? Fancy a pajama party? If Opera-san - uhm now they're a teacher - I mean if Professor Opera is okay with this, we could do it! It'll be fun, Iruma-kun!". The blue haired boy chuckled nervously, remembering the long scolding and punishment he had been given following that very fun evening that had somehow gotten out of control.
Iruma was about to answer, when a voice from behind them anticipated him "Is it a... party... where there will... also be... adults?" The four students turned around, seeing Professor Shiida standing, her expression calm but her eyes shining with a certain expectation. Jazz cursed himself for speaking too loudly. She chuckled nervously, answering the white-haired demoness "No, we were thinking of doing something between us classmates..."
"No!" Shiida exclaimed, this time serious and firm "You can't gather... alone... you're all... very young... and lively..." Iruma intervened promptly, trying to calm the teacher "It was just an idea, don't worry! Opera-san... uhm Professor Opera is already very busy, this wouldn't be the ideal time" Asmodeus and Clara nodded decisively, although in their hearts they were already joyful and festive at the idea of a pajama party with Iruma at his house. Shiida looked at all four students' faces, then smiled "Okay, I... understood. If you... change your mind, please... inform Professor Opera or... your homeroom teacher" the white-haired demoness concluded, before saying goodbye and heading towards the classroom where she would be teaching.
Coincidentally, while drinking the daily hot helltea with Opera and Balam, the demoness let slip that vague idea of the four Misfits. Balam enthusiastically welcomed the idea, already talking about how he, Kalego and Shiida would come to Sullivan Mansion to help Opera monitor and maintain order among the students to allow them to have a moment of relaxation after the events of Heartbreaker. Opera, on the other hand, their tails stiff and their feline ears held low, muttered "Punish an intention or let it go? My, that lasts the life of a guardian".
Iruma didn't understand why, upon his return home, Opera was secretly casting anguished glances at him. Had they discovered that the night before he had played half an hour more than planned on the gaming console because Lied had asked him to play a co-op game? In doubt, the next day he told his classmate that he would reduce the hours of online play for a while.
…
If Jazz had known about that chance encounter, he wouldn't have walked down that particular hallway to his next class that morning. Hell, he wouldn't have even gone to Babyls that morning. However, he was in fact at school, he had already taken a few classes, so it was just a fluke that he ran into the only professor outside of the former Professor Atori he never wanted to meet.
The short horned professor greeted him as he approached from the opposite direction. "Good morning, Andro-kun. How are you doing with your counseling sessions with Professor Murmur?" Marbas asked with genuine interest. Jazz stiffened. A forced, plastic smile played on his lips as his heart pounded in his chest. He replied "Good morning. No complaints. How are you doing with that pointed nightmare with legs? Did they finally confiscate it? I wouldn't want it crawling around all over Babyls, you know"
Marbas crossed his arms, playfully resentful. “Why is everyone so angry with it? I worked so hard to get permission to use it during Heartbreaker, and yet I got scolded for this”. Jazz chuckled nervously, when he just wanted to run away - no, flying away would have been more effective. But, at that moment, turning his back on Marbas seemed like the most dangerous thing in the entire Netherworld. Jazz began to nervously massage his left forearm, trying to simulate a carefree attitude that wasn’t his own. A carefree attitude that he hadn’t been able to feel since the Heartbreaker event.
Sometimes, Jazz wished he had been attacked by Atori. He certainly didn't envy Sabnock's broken bones, nor how he had threatened and captured Allocer, or even worse how he had tried to kidnap Iruma right in front of Kalego in familiar form. But if he had been attacked by a demon that was actually external to Babyls, he could have said 'I had a bad time, that was a really crazy demon!'. On the contrary, he had been attacked by one of Babyls' teachers. He had been captured, tortured and threatened on the same occasion, only to be saved by the skin of his teeth by Iruma, who by pure chance had happened to be passing by those parts while trying to get his kouhai to safety. And he would never have had the courage to tell a teacher off, unlike the challenge and public declaration of hatred that Asmodeus had dedicated during the test to Kalego.
'Why can't I be as brave as them?' Jazz wondered, as Marbas spoke in a calm, light voice about things his brain had stopped following for a while, simply nodding at the moments that seemed most appropriate. "So, Andro-kun" the black-haired professor blurted out, smiling, "No hard feelings about what happened during Heartbreaker, don't you mind? You were able to endure a lot of the torture I teach in class, this was pleasantly unexpected. If you're interested, could you take my classes sometime? You could learn how to react to other methods of torture, you never know what happens in life. Think carefully. You have a choice"
Jazz flinched at those words.
'Now, think carefully. This will be the last time you get a choice. Do you want release? Or will you remain silent? Ok! Now, let's begin!'
The words the demon in front of him had said during Heartbreaker echoed painfully in his head. Painfully, because every word seemed to hit his skull, the mellow tone of voice despite the obvious threat gave him goosebumps. Jazz seemed to see himself tied to that cross again, small and various instruments of torture and danger at his feet, while the teacher tried one type of torture after another to get him to talk. Was it really him, that pathetic little demon who just before was acting so cocky, convinced he could overcome anything?
Jazz didn't understand how someone could be cold and hot at the same time, but in that moment he felt that ambivalent sensation. He began to feel a chill inside, right down to his bones. His skin, on the other hand, was sweating like on those rare occasions when he had a fever. As if he were slowly surrounded by a giant snake, he began to feel surrounded, constrained. The walls seemed too close to him, the closed windows made him suffocate. Just as if he were surrounded by a giant snake, his lungs felt crushed. He couldn't breathe well.
Jazz couldn't breathe. He clutched his left forearm in his right hand, his gaze fixed on the floor, on Marbas' shoes. His vision became blurry. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't think clearly. Worried by that strange silence, Marbas reached out his left hand towards the young student.
Before he could touch his shoulder, a voice shouted "Excuse me!". Marbas looked behind Jazz, seeing the most famous Honor Student in all of Babyls coming running. Iruma grabbed Jazz's left arm, pulling him towards him and moving briskly in the same direction he had come from "Excuse me, Professor Marbas, but Jazz-kun and I need to talk urgently" said the blue haired boy, making sure that the classmate didn't trip over his own feet as he followed him. Jazz didn't understand what was happening, where Iruma had come from, nor why Marbas was waving at them and leaving. With some difficulty and shaking legs, he managed to follow the shorter boy to an unknown destination.
Iruma led him to a corner of the garden somewhat hidden by the lush vegetation, where Jazz had never been. Iruma, for the entire short journey, had tried to distract him with light chatter "This is another place where I sometimes come to eat some snacks, please don't tell Azz-kun and Clara" said the young human, while helping him to overcome the short obstacle of bushes full of red eye-like hellberries.
Iruma quickly looked around to make sure that the area was truly deserted, then he let go of Jazz's arm to delicately touch both his cheeks. "Jazz-kun, do you mind looking at me?" Jazz kept his gaze on the ground, all his concentration had gone into his lungs, which were struggling to recover as much air as possible. Iruma didn't give up, saying "Please, look at me. Recognize me? Focus on my voice. Don't worry, Jazz-kun. It's me, Iruma. You're safe. Right here with you, it's just me, no one else. You're safe, Jazz-kun. You're safe"
The black-haired demon blinked twice. He blinked again, as he slowly moved his gaze from the grass beneath his feet to the surroundings. There was only vegetation, no voices could be heard even in the distance, despite Babyls being so populated. His breathing calmed down, oxygen was no longer a scarcity. His heart also calmed down, beating at a reduced speed, almost normal. Disoriented and distraught, Jazz finally focused his gaze on Iruma. He saw a small and reassuring smile shine on the classmate's face, his eyes conveying endless patience and kindness. Hesitantly, he touched the backs of the blue-haired boy's small hands with his fingertips. He couldn't speak, couldn't form a coherent thought. Jazz just nodded slowly.
Iruma let out a small sigh of relief. "Would you rather not be touched, Jazz-kun?" the blue haired boy asked. Jazz forced himself to concentrate on that question. It was a simple question, yet he couldn't fully understand its meaning, nor formulate a suitable answer. He slowly shook his head, murmuring "It's... fine, I think..." Iruma nodded, still with that reassuring smile on his lips. He asked again, "Would you rather sit or stand?" Another simple question, with an equally simple answer, but Jazz-kun's brain seemed to be made of the same substance as Agares's cloud-bed. Jazz lowered his gaze again, answering in a weak voice, "That would be... better, my legs... are a little shaky".
Iruma moved his hands from the boy's face to under his own hands. He guided him and helped him slowly down onto the soft ground from the grass, acting as a support in case the classmate slipped. Once Jazz was sitting on the ground and with his back resting on a tree trunk for support, Iruma sat down in front of him. Jazz's legs were still shaking even in that position, although less severely than before.
Iruma remained silent for a few more seconds, the time to check whether his classmate was calming down or not. In a gentle but firm voice, he stated "Jazz-kun, I need you to talk to me". The black haired demon looked at him surprised: don't you usually say "I want to talk to you"? Had he perhaps misunderstood? Was he reduced to a wreck after the brief meeting with Professor Marbas, to the point that he was unable to understand or make any meaningful reasoning? Jazz looked down again, asking back “I don't understand what you mean, Iruma-kun. What should I talk to you about?”
The blue haired boy clenched his hands into fists above his knees, then stated “Say what you feel. How do you feel. Please, don't push yourself hard. It's obvious you're just trying to act tough. The Heartbreaker test is over. You can relax your shoulders, Jazz-kun”. The classmate raised his head sharply, his eyes full of unreleased tears, but with clear confusion and fear “You're wrong, I'm fine-” Iruma interrupted him, which was out of character “It's not true, and you know it. It won't be by continuing to repeat it that it will become real". His gaze was full of determination. Jazz realized that this time he wouldn't be able to escape the long-delayed conversation.
He shook his head, not wanting to broach that topic yet. “Look, I understand that you may have seemed a little panicked earlier with Professor Marbas, but I assure you that everything is fine. I was a little shaken by the events of Heartbreaker, it's true. But who wasn't? Especially you, Iruma-kun! You must have suffered a lot, I can't even imagine what you went through"
The young human didn't reply right away, which made Jazz a little afraid. At times, Iruma's silences were strangely heavy, as if he were thinking about something that they couldn't grasp and that worried them, an almost instinctive fear comparable perhaps only to the elderly demons who had lived in a period of wars, that ones that the Netherworld itself had been trying to forget for a long time. As usual, when he opened his mouth again, Iruma said something totally unpredictable for demons “So what? Why should my experience be worth more than yours?”
Jazz widened his eyes, astonished. Iruma continued “Heartbreaker is… it was a test in every sense, we were evaluated for many things that we hadn't taken into consideration until now, as well as it helped us grow in many aspects. What happened with Professor… with Atori, however, doesn't make the rest of Heartbreaker a walk in the park. The clashes against the teachers were tough, we were faced with our inexperience. You have been subjected to a very harsh situation, Jazz-kun. There is no shame in admitting that it was a scary experience, you admitted it yourself that time too. I don't know Professor Marbas, but I too felt a certain terror when I found you in... those conditions, under his specialty".
Jazz swallowed, unable to find a valid argument to interrupt the blue haired boy, who continued “You have had a frightening experience. You felt so much pain and fear. Your suffering, your fear, are no less than what others of us have felt. Just because they were on the test doesn't make them any less important. Jazz-kun, you are no less if you still feel upset, or scared, or hesitant, or whatever you're feeling. This is why I ask you, please: talk to me. Tell me how you feel, for real. Talking won't end how you feel, but it will help you feel better. Sometimes, when all you can feel is endless fear and sadness, when you feel hopeless, not knowing if things will get better one day, even pouring your emotions onto an object can help to understand them, to give them a name. And to understand how to cope with them. Alone, or on something, but the important thing is to be able to express them"
Iruma closed his eyes tightly, as well as clenched his fists on his knees trying to remain as straight and rigid as possible. He stated “Thanks to Clara I have become quite good at imitations. If you don't feel like talking to me as myself, I can stay still and you can think of me as anything. I can be a tree, a rock, a dog or even the wind, you know! Just tell me what makes you feel better and I'll imitate it!”
Jazz chuckled in amusement, imagining Iruma imitating the wind. He sighed loudly, while the other boy remained tense waiting for an answer. A hint of a smile, this time sincere, appeared on the black haired demon's lips. “Um, it's a little embarrassing to talk about, I wouldn't like to seem like a weak big bro” the demon said shyly, still a little hesitant. Iruma reopened his eyes and confidently stated “Older brothers aren't perfect, they have dark sides too!... Or at least that's what Lied-kun says. In any case, you are a great big brother no matter what. You're really kind, and you always step forward when anyone needs you. Therefore, don't worry, Jazz-kun: you are an older brother who can be counted on, but who can also count on others"
Jazz felt like he wanted to hug the shorter classmate, his heart filled with tenderness. 'How can he be so sweet and empathetic? Gosh, my little brother is an amazing demon!' thought the black haired boy, barely keeping himself from moving from thought to action. He gave a cough, then tried to put into words the thoughts that had been swirling in his head since the end of Heartbreaker.
“I know, Iruma-kun… remember when you saved me?” The blue haired boy nodded, remaining silent. Jazz asked again. “Do you remember how I told you that I was really, really seriously scared?” Iruma nodded again. The black haired demon turned his palms towards his face, staring at them, saying nothing else. Iruma reached out his hands towards the other boy's. Slowly, to see if the classmate would shy away from that physical contact. This wasn't the case, so Iruma clasped his hands in his own, as a sign of silent patient comfort. Jazz returned the squeeze weakly, contemplating how to proceed.
“I feel like this… even now” the demon said almost in a whisper, breaking the silence. “It's like Heartbreaker isn't finished yet. I feel like I'm still tied to that cross, trembling in anticipation of the new torture method Professor Marbas will use on me. While you all continued the exam, I was stuck there. So insignificant and powerless…” Iruma was about to intervene, but stopped when he saw the other boy trembling. His head lowered, his eyes fixed on his hands, clear but still unable to shed tears.
After what seemed like an infinite amount of time, Jazz sighed loudly and added “I know rationally that Heartbreaker is over, fortunately for a long time. But do I keep thinking… or relive? Jeez, I don't really know how to explain it, but it's like I still felt the effects of Professor Marbas' techniques on me, when he was trying to get me to talk. And that sucks, man. I'm always nervous, I haven't had a decent amount of sleep in I don't know how long, and… I'm constantly, really, really scared. I'm pathetic, aren't I?”
Big, slow tears finally ran down his cheeks, while his shoulders began to tremble. “It was just one of the many trials we had to face inside Heartbreaker, but I was caught like a fool and I can't accept it. And it's not like I can say anything about it, at least Professor Marbas isn't a crazy kidnapper wannabe like Atori. It was all planned and organized, but I couldn't avoid it. And now I can't move forward. I'm such a coward…”
“This isn't true at all!” Iruma exclaimed, speaking up. “No one could have predicted this. The fact that Professor Marbas is a member of Babyls does not excuse or minimize what he did, even if he did not do it with bad intentions. You are not weak, or pathetic, what you think of yourself is unfair to yourself! You resisted more than anyone else could. I got you out of that situation, but I didn't save you. By resisting, you saved yourself, I only made you escape from more torture. You're so strong, Jazz-kun. You survived one of the worst trials in all of Heartbreaker, that's enough. You did a great job with your kouhai, if there wasn't…. If what happened hadn't happened, you would definitely have won together with Azz-kun. You're a good brother-like figure, and a good senpai. You're a good demon. You're brave, Jazz-kun”.
Iruma suddenly found his hands empty, the hands he held until a few moments before now rested in closed fists behind his back, his body held in an almost desperate embrace by the black haired demon. Jazz's face was hidden in the blue haired boy's right shoulder, only desperate sobs could be heard. Iruma returned the hug sweetly, holding his classmate close. Jazz clung to Iruma with the same urgency and the same desperate need as someone who, struggling to keep afloat in a restless and stormy sea, clings to an anchor in search of safeness.
…
When he finally calmed down, eyes still red and swollen from the unexpected crying, Jazz pulled away from Iruma. “Thank you, Iruma-kun. Apparently I really needed it". The blue haired boy returned his usual smile, stating “You're welcome, Jazz-kun!”. The black haired boy also smiled, standing up "Now we better go back, I don't want to give you the reputation of someone who skips lessons. First I have to go to the bathroom to clean myself up and have a minimum of composure. Do you want to keep me company?"
“Sure!” The young human replied, standing up as well. The two boys headed inside the school. Jazz, still a little shaken and disoriented from having managed to outline some of the thoughts that tormented him out loud, asked in a light tone of voice “Gosh, you're really good at consoling people, Iruma-kun. No offense, but I thought you were worse off than me, thank goodness that's not the case. Have you by any chance spoken to anyone too?”.
Iruma, who was looking at him, suddenly looked away, pointing it towards some point in the corridor. Surprised, Jazz leaned down to restore eye contact, but Iruma looked away once again. “Iruma-kun?” And again. “ Hello? Iruma-kun?” And again and again, maintaining a façade of neutrality that did not belong to him. ‘Huh?’ The black haired boy took on a dismayed expression. Curiosity got the better of him. “Iruma-kun, you…” he was about to ask, when he was interrupted by two voices he knew very well “Iruma-sama/chi!” Asmodeus and Clara chorused, running towards them.
“We've been looking everywhere for you, Iruma-sama!” Asmodeus stated, sweaty and visibly worried. “Yeah, Azz-Azz was babbling all the time about a beautiful boy with a particular accent who could have kidnapped you! We worried a lot, Irumacchi!” Clara said in turn, hugging the blue haired boy. Iruma apologized profusely, bowing his torso.
Jazz chuckled at the scene, deciding not to participate in it. He took advantage of the arrival of the other two classmates to escape, continuing in search of a bathroom. A fire of determination shone in his chest, as he resolved to give counseling meetings with Professor Murmur a second chance. 'At best' the boy reflected, 'I'll have an excellent excuse to skip Emperor of Doom and Gloom’s lessons. Iruma-kun thinks highly of me. I can't keep crying about myself." Jazz really hoped he could sleep that night.
…
A few days later, at the end of Professor Furcas' class, Jazz called Iruma aside. “Yes, Jazz-kun?” asked the blue haired boy, with discreet curiosity. The black haired boy took his right hand with one hand, palm facing up. With the other, closed into a fist, he held it out over the Blue haired boy's hand. He opened it, letting a small rain of candies and packaged treats of various flavors and kinds fall, a sweet surprise that Iruma welcomed with an amazed smile.
"Are they for me, Jazz-kun? Really?" The young human asked, now clutching the small, super sugary gift with both hands. Jazz put the index finger of his left hand in front of his mouth, smiling back “You bet, Iruma-kun. This is a little thank you for your words the other day. Don't worry, your new secret spot is safe with me” the demon stated, winking at him.
A heavy hand clawed from behind his left shoulder. Jazz flinched, terrified by the threatening aura he felt behind him. He turned slowly, finding himself face to face with Asmodeus, who dark-faced and with an implacable voice stated “Snack Police here. Don't you dare secretly give snacks to Iruma-sama, it's bad for his health”. Clara, in the meantime, had started opening some sweets, taking turns putting them in the mouth of an equally frightened Iruma and in her own mouth, enjoying the show.
Maybe Professor Marbas wasn't the scariest demon in all of Babyls.
THE END