Chapter Text
A/N: The sum total of my SVU experience is 15 episodes of season 14 so don't judge the characterization...you die hards might need to suspend a little belief. I just want to play, don't judge me lol
Rated E for future chapters.
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The darkness was threatening at the edges of Olivia's mind as she put the finishing touches on her outfit and makeup. Despite two glasses of wine and doing everything she could to put the day out of her mind, the decisions she'd made kept pressing, making it hard to breathe. Finally ready she locked her door and climbed into the cab waiting at the curb.
Olivia fidgeted in the back of the cab and checked her watch, anxious to reach the club and forget the day. Finally, after twenty more agonizing minutes of innane chatter from the cabbie, they pulled to a stop outside the club. Olivia tossed a handful of bills to the driver and mumbled her thanks as she pushed out the door onto the sidewalk, a gust of icy wind slapping her in the face as she steadied herself on her heels and wrapped her coat tighter around herself. Olivia glanced up towards the subtly lit sign above the doorway proclaiming Elysium as she pulled a black lace masquerade mask over her eyes.
The doorman inclined his head in recognition as Olivia approached and pulled the heavy wood and brass door open for her to enter. Blinking quickly to let her eyes adjust to the light of the reception area, Olivia approached the counter and paused to study the bracelet options, handing her coat to the attendant and flashing her membership card. Six baskets of lighted bracelets sat on the counter - green, yellow, white, pink, orange and blue. Every other visit (and she had lost count how many visits she was at now) Olivia had chosen white - the voyeur bracelet, meaning she was there to observe only and did not want to be approached. Tonight though, with shaking fingers she plucked a pink bracelet from the basket, indicating she was seeking a female domme.
Olivia slipped on the bracelet and tapped it on the sensor on the desk as she passed through the next door and into the main area of the club, the bracelet sparkling to life a vibrant pink around her wrist in contrast to her all black outfit. Olivia sucked in a breath and made her way directly to the bar, knowing the wine at home wasn't going to be enough liquid courage for what she was asking for tonight.
The bartender was a heavy pour and Olivia drained her first Jack and Coke quickly, feeling it rush to her head and dim the anxiety roiling there. She signalled the bartender for another drink and as he slid it across the bar he took her hand and stamped the back, indicating she had hit her two drink maximum.
Olivia turned on her barstool to watch the crowd. It was early, so there were no public scenes happening yet and if she didn't know any better, she'd think this was just any typical New York night club. But she did know better. She knew that in an hour or so, the people on this dancefloor would start to slip into their true selves - doms and subs, experimenting in all manner of ways both extremely publicly as well more privately in the network of rooms towards the back.
"Hello gorgeous," a sultry voice drawled behind Olivia, a thick southern accent sending an involuntary chill down her spine. Olivia moved to turn, gasping when strong, gracile fingers seized her jaw keeping her facing forward, "Uh uh, not yet sweet. Let's chat a minute."
Out of the corner of her eye Olivia could see the green glow of the domme's bracelet on the wrist holding her jaw. Female domme looking for a sub. She willed herself to relax, closing her eyes for a moment and waiting for the woman to speak again.
"You know, I've seen you here a lot over the last few months, sweet. But this is the first time I've ever seen you all pretty in pink," the woman let go of Olivia's jaw, trusting her to stay put, and dragged her index finger over the pink bracelet on Olivia's wrist resting on the bar.
Olivia nodded, anxiety rolling through her stomach. She couldn't pinpoint the moment in her life where she decided that perhaps she needed to be a submissive outside of work, but her many visits to Elysium has solidified her resolve to find a soft domme to take her through her paces. She needed to be broken down and rebuilt. Absolved of her sins and given a fresh slate.
"Why tonight?" the voice drawled in her ear and Olivia shivered as the woman tucked Olivia's hair behind her ear before running her hand possesively down her spine. Olivia's gaze dropped to the bartop, ashamed.
"I made a mistake at work today," she admitted in a small voice, the woman behind her leaning in closer to hear and pressing her front up against Olivia's back. The silence stretched on as the woman waited for Olivia to elaborate. "My job...when I make mistakes...it's not trivial. There are lives involved. I need..." Olivia trailed off, unsure how to complete her thought aloud to this virtual stranger.
The woman's arms slid around to encircle Olivia's waist, and the woman's lips pressed against her ear as she whispered, "You need to repent. To be absolved of your perceived sins?" More a statement than a question but Olivia still nodded stiffly in response anyways.
"I'm happy to help you there sweet. You want to do this here, or somewhere more private?" the woman's breath was hot on Olivia's ear, drawing another shudder down her spine. Olivia weighed her options. She wasn't ready to be on public display, she was still leaning what it meant to be a sub. But leaving with this woman, who she has only just met felt dangerous, even just to go to the hotel rooms upstairs. A secondary location was a huge risk. The woman could sense Olivia's hesitation and could feel her body stiffening as she fought with herself to make a choice.
After a few tense seconds, the woman stood up, leaving Olivia feeling bereft at the loss of her warmth. Strong hands grasped her hips and spun the barstool so that she was facing the woman, Olivia's eyes downcast, fixed on the woman's glittering cowgirl boots.
"Look at me sweet," the woman commanded quietly, her fingers under Olivia's chin to force her gaze up. Olivia gasped when their eyes met, shocked to see Amanda Rollins staring back at her. The thick accent and the effects of the whiskey Amanda had drunk making her voice sound completely unlike the Amanda she knew. Olivia scrambled off the barstool in a panic and fled to the bathroom on shaky legs. No one was supposed to see her like this, especially not her squad. She shoved through the bathroom door and locked herself in a stall, ignoring the concerned looks on the faces of the other women in the bathroom.
"You okay hun?" a voice from outside the stall asked. "Someone hurt you?"
Olivia swallowed hard over the lump in her throat and wiped traitorous tears from her cheeks before lying, "I'm fine." Every part of her burned with shame that Amanda had seen her at the club, and that she knew how Olivia was struggling with her mistake from today. She buried her face in her hands and tried vainly to suppress the sobs threatening to break free from her chest.
The bathroom door swang open again and Olivia recognized Amanda's boots as they clicked across the hard tile. She watched, nearly hyperventilating, as the boots strode directly to her stall, jumping when Amanda knocked even though she was expecting it.
"Liv?" all trace of the thick southern drawl of her domme gone, it was just Amanda now. "Honey I'm sorry I startled you, can we talk?"
With trembling fingers, Olivia unlocked the stall, her eyes on Amanda's boots as the door swang open. Amanda's fingers lifted Olivia's chin again to meet her gaze. Over Amanda's shoulder, one of the other women in the bathroom washing her hands, a green bracelet glittering on her wrist, kept her eyes on them both and caught Olivia's eye before mouthing "Are you safe?" to Olivia in the mirror. Olivia gave her a watery smile and nodded before turning her attention back to Amanda. The blonde began stroking Olivia's hair back from her face and she spoke quietly,
"Honey I've been watching you come here for six months, wondering which bracelet you'd choose when you got the courage," Olivia scoffed and tried to look away but Amanda gripped her jaw again and raised an eyebrow at her, a little domme sneaking back through. Settling her eyes on Amanda's face Olivia worked up the courage to speak but Amanda wasn't done. "I wondered if you'd pick green like me, you're so bossy at work, so straight-laced I could see you as a domme. I thought it would be fun to domme together. But on the other hand, a little part of me always hoped you came here looking for the courage to let go of your in command self. I'll tell you my heart nearly stopped when I saw that pink bracelet on your wrist tonight."
Olivia smiled softly, her voice almost inaudible as she admitted, "I've never done this before."
"I know baby," Amanda purred, running her fingers freely through Olivia's hair, "I would be honoured to help you tonight if you're okay with that." Olivia sucked in a shaky breath and nodded almost imperceptibly. "Okay, why don't we get a room upstairs?" Amanda wiped the tears from Olivia's face before cupping her cheeks and pulling her close to kiss her forehead, trying to soothe the older woman. "You're safe with me Liv."
Olivia collapsed into Amanda's embrace, burying her face in the blondes neck as Amanda's arms wound around her back, holding her close.
"I'm scared," Olivia whispered into Amanda's neck.
"Oh sweet there's nothing to be afraid of. This might be your first rodeo but it ain't mine. You're going to feel so much better tomorrow," Amanda promised. Olivia sucked in a gasp at the endearment from earlier, the anxiety being quickly replaced by need. As she felt her pull away, Amanda let Olivia go, watching as the brunette pulled off her mask and splashed cool water on her face before straightening up.
"Okay," Olivia said, her voice still small and unlike her usual commanding self, "I'm ready."
Amanda took her hand and led her from the bathroom, across the dancefloor and back to reception. There was a dull roar filling Olivia's ears and she felt like the was watching, not participating as Amanda requested a room and received a key card. Olivia couldn't feel her legs as Amanda led her across the lobby to a bank of elevators and she had to remind herself to breathe.
It felt like she was floating down the hallway as they approached the room and Olivia wondered if she was having a panic attack as Amanda ushered her through the door.