Chapter Text
Todoroki's point of view:
"I lifted my head up from the cold pillow, the air going in through my nose felt like an icy draft as it passed through my throat, I found it difficult to breathe. -Fuck, this hurts like hell- I assumed it was simply a cold, but how could I have guessed? Hanahaki isn't exactly the first thing that pops into someone's mind when their breathing stalls. At least not my mind.
A sudden tickle of coughs sent their way shooting up from the depth of my lungs, my eyes squeezed shut and I hacked and coughed, making grotesque sounds. I stared at my pillow. Beautiful white flower petals coated with crimson blood sat there, staring back at me. -You know what this means-
If it had been under different circumstances, these petals would have made lovely flowers. But the flowers growing inside were so far from lovely.
I could feel my bottom lip quiver, my throat was burning but I couldn't focus on that, this is insane. People talk about Hanahaki, but.. you never think it could possibly happen to you until it does.
-You do know what this means don't you?- I waved away the little voice in my head, of course I knew what this meant. I knew I was in love long ago, by now I'd accepted the fact that it simply wasn't returned. The man I loved was close to about one hundred percent straight. Lucky me.
My shoulders slumped and I stood on shaky legs to run to the bathroom, my stomach felt like it was doing backflips. I turned the faucet on, splashing cool water into my face and staring through the mirror. I swallowed, a sharp pain following, every swallow hurt like a bitch but there was nothing I could do.
I grazed my hand along my neck and tilted my head up to feel all the way down to my chest. It was warm, about as warm as usual, nothing felt off. But inside, inside was like a raging fire, flamed with every careful breath, every hardy sigh. I winced almost every time I breathed in, I had to figure out how to hold this back during class or everyone would look at me like I was insane.
-Not insane. Dying.-
Death. It loomed in the back of my mind, lurking in the shadows of even my darkest thoughts. Death. It was, at this point, quite a possibility. There was always the surgery, but I couldn't bring myself to give up every memory I held onto so tightly of him just for the sake of life, could I? I would rather go out early but happy than later with no true grasp of who I was. Without him, who would I even be?
The decision was made then. Hanahaki would be my end.
I stood in front of the mirror, still, it was almost as if I could feel the flowers and vines twisting their way up my lungs through my chest. All day, all day they'd be constricting and enveloping my poor defenseless lungs, squeezing me. Aching me. Killing me. I had to keep this from my classmates, they'd start treating me differently.
-Be a big boy. You can do it. Don't be a sucker, hold in the pain dammit.-
Thoughts clouded my brain, my vision began feeling hazy and I coughed a low, quiet cough, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. I felt my cold lips touch my skin, they didn't even feel like mine. A trickle of blood sputtered out onto my pale, porcelain hand and I shook my head, rinsing it off.
-Gross. Thats disgusting, you know.-
The voice bit out at me, I never quite knew whether the voice in my head was mine, or someone else's. It was always chiming in when I didn't want it to. 'Your opinion isn't needed at the moment' I used to say, though, that rarely caused the deep, penetrating voice to cease. It persisted through my whole life, nagging me, pleading with me, bringing old things up that would be better forgotten.
Through my entire life this voice had never once helped me, though. It pointed out my flaws, my darkest desires, my thoughts. But it never encouraged me. Never really helped me now that I think about it.