Chapter Text
Taehyung
Taehyung sighed, allowing his head to fall into his arms which were folded on top of the kitchen table. He rested his forehead in the crook of his elbow, willing his brain to turn off it's non stop run of thoughts. He had just turned 18 a few weeks earlier, and it seemed to him like all the thoughts and feelings that seemed fun as a 17 year old, now felt overwhelming at 18.
"Ugh," he involuntarily groaned, thankful that his voice was muffled by his arms below him.
What am I going to do?
If Taehyung was honest with himself, he saw this coming for a long time. From pretty much the moment he first saw him, he knew his heart felt different. He had pushed the feelings aside. After all, he was a teenage boy dealing with hormones and his culminating realizations about his own sexuality. His feelings were just hormonal fantasies, he told himself. But as the feelings continued to grow, and his confidence in his preferences solidified, he knew he could no longer lie to himself.
Not after today.
Not after the way electricity shot through his whole body when he touched Taehyung. Not after the way his skin felt like it could melt from the heat of hands running up and down his chest and abs.
"Ugh!" Taehyung grabs his head in his hands. "Stop thinking."
Please.
Taehyung wasn't 100% sure what he meant by please, but he knew who it was directed towards.
Please look at me. Please talk to me. Please spend time with me.
Please touch me.
Please love me.
"Kim Taehyung. Stop now!" He reprimanded himself. He forced himself to get up from the table. He opened the fridge and stared inside. Maybe something in here could solve his dilemma. Or at least cool the burning that seemed to be taking over his whole body.
"Fighting the diet demons again?"
Taehyung jumped at the familiar voice. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before turning to face him.
The owner of the voice that haunted Taehyung's every waking thought these days. The owner of the most beautiful face Taehyung had ever seen. The owner of all the beats of Taehyung's heart.
Fuck, I'm really screwed.
Taehyung willed himself to flash a smile.
"Aren't we always?" He asks, forcing a laugh so fake there's no way Seokjin doesn't notice.
Seokjin just nods in response, one eyebrow slightly raised.
"Everything alright?"
"Of course."
"Mhmm...."
Seokjin clearly seems unconvinced.
"I'm just tired," Taehyung says, pulling out his most reassuring tone. And it wasn't a lie. He was tired. They all were. They spent the day filming, which required hours of dancing the same choreo over and over. But the exhaustion of the choreography was no match to the exhaustion of his brain replaying the same 10 seconds over and over again.
"Maybe you should rest then." Seokjin grabs a glass and fills it with water.
"Yeah...maybe..." Taehyung allows his eyes to roam down Seokjin's back to his ass...STOP!
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Tae nods again.
"Alright. I'll believe you." Seokjin begins walking out of the room. "If you need me, you know where I am."
With a wink, he exits.
Taehyung knows what the wink was. An invitation to cuddle up in Seokjin's bed tonight, like he did countless other nights. He had always told his hyung that he missed home and needed to feel close to someone while sleeping. Now he wondered if that was just another lie he fed his conscience. In reality, he just wanted Seokjin.
Guilt washes over him, quickly followed by sadness. He shouldn't keep doing this. It wasn't fair to Seokjin and it wasn't fair to himself. He may be in love with his hyung, but the feelings weren't reciprocated...
The 10 second clip rushes through Taehyung's mind again. Seokjin approaching him on camera, asking him what was on his shirt.
Pulling open his jacket.
Running his hands up and down his chest and abs.
Holding him tightly from behind.
Seokjin said he was just touching the dogs on his shirt, but for a moment, Taehyung had wondered if it was more. But his hyung had quickly reassured him that it was innocent, and Taehyung was forced to believe him.
But it still seared itself into his memory. Like a photo glued onto a scrapbook to be reminisced about over and over again. But just like the photo glued hastily on, Taehyung feared one day this memory would be ripped away, laying somewhere in a corner of a box, remnants of glue left behind in the story of his life. A mark that could never fully be removed.
You're so dramatic.
They say your greatest strength is also your biggest weakness. Taehyung knew he felt every emotion deeper than most people. His Grandmother said it's what allowed him to feel empathy for others. But he also knew it was what caused him to overthink every moment he spent with Seokjin. And instead of being the passing crush he thought it would be, it continued to grow every day.
"If only there was an off switch."
No. He didn't wish for that. As much as unrequited felt like a fire burning him from the inside out, he didn't think he could live without the need for Seokjin that inspired him to wake up every morning. No, he would just need to figure out how to balance things. How to enjoy his moments with Seokjin without allowing himself to fall deeper onto the abyss.
But for now...
He quietly slipped into the bedroom and crawled under the covers.
For now he would keep the arrow rooted deeply in his heart. Maybe it was selfish, but he wasn't ready to face what would happen when he pulled it out.
An arm snaked around his waist, pulling him close to a broad chest.
Tonight he would let Seokjin hold him. Just one more night...