Chapter Text
Deadpool had shown up at your apartment a little over two hours ago with the entire series of Maude on Blu-ray. How he had gotten that old show on Blu-ray you had no idea, but the man was nothing if not resourceful.
Normally once Bea's face filled the screen the Merc was lost to you, no one came between him and his favorite Golden Girl, but today was different. He was acting weird, which really was all the time but this was out of character weirdness, shooting furtive glances your way out of the corner of his eye to then checking the time on his Hello Kitty wristwatch.
First his lady Bea wasn't able to keep his attention, then you'd asked if he wanted to take a walk to that little taco truck he couldn't get enough of, thinking maybe he needed to burn off some excess energy, and he had said no! No to tacos?!
If there was anything you knew about Wade Wilson it was that he loved Bea Arthur and Mexican food more than life itself. You weren't even sure you out ranked either of those options, but had long since come to terms with settling on third place.
He risked another nervous glance at you, looking away as soon as he realized you were were already watching him.
Besides all this strange behavior he was being quiet. Something that was perhaps the biggest red flag the Merc with a Mouth could raise. You were thankful he wasn't wearing his mask. If he had been you would have made him take it off to be sure someone else wasn't hiding under it.
Finally, you couldn't take the quiet suspense any longer. "Look at your watch one more time and I'm going to throw it out the damn window."
Deadpool froze, determinedly looking everywhere but at his watch. You shut off the TV, turning sideways on the couch so you were facing him.
"What is going on, Wade? Do you have a hot date I should know about?" You asked the man that damn well better not have any kind of date, hot or otherwise, if he knew what was good for him.
He laughed distractedly, looking to the watch again and you gave a low growl in annoyance. At 1:58 pm he knew it would be any minute now. The woman was a lot of things, punctual being one of them.
"Nah, Spider-Man still hasn't taken me up on my offer." He joked back.
You sighed. Great. Bea Arthur, Mexican food and now Spider-Man, guess that put you in fourth place.
"Wadeeee." You whined, pinching his thigh to get his attention when he looked back to the watch.
"Ow! Okay. Geez..." He rubbed the sore spot on his leg, then looked up at you sheepishly. "So, you said you wanted to get to know Ellie better, right? Well, Preston and her hubby are going on a sort of anniversary weekend and Ellie insisted she get to stay with me. My apartment is obviously no place for a child, what with all those explosives lying around, so I had a great idea."
You had an idea too, of what direction this conversation was going in and really couldn't deny the fact that his apartment, if you could even call it that, was no place for a child. Before he could finish the doorbell rang.
"I told Preston to bring her over here. Your place is so nice, we can all spend the weekend together." He rattled off words even faster than usual and leapt up from the couch, glancing nervously at the door.
"Oh my God, Wade! This weekend? As in right now?! You couldn't give me some kind of heads up!" You hissed, not wanting them to hear you outside.
You didn't mind the thought of spending time with Wade's daughter. You loved him and she was a part of his life, which now made her a part of yours, but a little advance notice so you could prepare would have been nice.
This was so like Wade.
"I love you!" He quickly kissed you on the mouth then vaulted the couch and ran to the door.
With a resigned sigh you followed after him, just as Preston and Ellie were entering.
She was a beautiful little girl, though at twelve she was much closer to being a teenager than a little girl, and that was a scary thought. She took after her father just enough that you didn't envy the Preston's in the least.
"Hey, kiddo!" Wade was bouncing on the balls of his feet like an excited child. "Mario Kart?"
"Yeah!" Ellie hung her jacket on the hook by the door and followed her father into the living room, yelling a 'goodbye, have fun' to her adoptive mother and a quick 'hello' to you before disappearing.
"I'm glad you're here to keep an eye on those two so I can actually enjoy my vacation." Emily smiled at you, nodding toward the living room where you could hear father and daughter argue about who got to play as Princess Peach. She liked Wade Wilson, she really did, but he wasn't the most responsible adult she knew.
You smiled. You understood completely. Sometimes you weren't sure whether you had a boyfriend or a child. "I'll do everything I can to keep these two in line, now go, enjoy your romantic getaway!" You pushed the large woman toward the door as her husband honked impatiently from the street.
She paused to hand you a piece of paper with various numbers written in neat penmanship. "This is my cellphone, my husband's cellphone, and the hotel that we're staying at."
She looked worried, you couldn't really blame her. The lives of super heroes tended to be messy ones.
"Go! I got this." You assured her, or at least tried to over the constant string of curses Deadpool was spewing. Apparently Ellie was winning.
Preston shook her head, brown eyes twinkling with amusement. "Good luck, you're gonna need it." She added as she left.
You entered the room to see Ellie's smug smile of victory and Wade's arms crossed over his muscular chest, bottom lip stuck out in a pout. His controller was halfway across the room, now in three seperate pieces. You were definitely going to need all the luck you could get.
"Dad's a sore loser." Ellie chirped, smiling brightly.
You snorted. That was an understatement.
"You're a cheater!" Aforementioned 'sore loser' snapped back, arms still crossed. "I don't know how yet, but I'll figure it out."
You left the broken remote where it lay and grabbed another one, tossing it to your boyfriend, who had the delicious body of a thirty year old and the mind of a three year old. When he'd first moved the majority of his things into your apartment you'd wondered why he needed twelve controllers for his one Wii. He was now down to five and you had your answer.
You sat between the two of them on the couch, telling them you'd be the referree. No funny business was going to happen on your watch. Wade seemed satisfied and was willing to continue game play, that was when you noticed Ellie was Princess Peach.
You smiled, despite the unconventional relationship Wade loved his daughter as much as any father could, even enough to give up his favorite Kart character.
It was a fun filled evening of various board and video games, even though, without fail, an issue would arise where you would have to mediate. If Wade had noticed you always sided with Ellie - hey, stepmoms need all the help they can get - he didn't mention it.
Only two food fights broke out, the first being popcorn, which you may have initiated, but hey, it was easy enough for you to clean up. The second being taco fixings, which was much more of a pain in the ass and you were fairly certain that even after a shower your hair still smelled like nacho cheese, if Wade constantly nuzzling your head was any indication.
All in all if was a successful day in your book, and now the three of you were curled up on the sofa watching the Disney/Pixar flick Ellie had brought with her. Wade had suggested Maude, which his daughter had immediately vetoed. You hadn't been required to vote, but if you had, you'd have obviously gone the Pixar route.
"I'm just sayin, I wish I had a lucky fin." Wade had pulled his arms close to his body and was moving his hands like flippers.
Ellie rolled her eyes like she had never heard anything so stupid in her life. "It's not actually lucky, that's just what Nemo's dad says so he doesn't feel bad about it."
"Besides, you had an awesome girlfriend and daughter. How much more luck could one man need?" You winked at Ellie, who giggled.
Wade's very mature response, was to stick his tongue out, blowing a raspberry as he did so, and that was when he died.
You heard no noise of a gun, only the shattering of glass as your window was smashed inward, and the sickening crack and splatter of the Merc's brain being blown out the back of his disintegrating skull.
He slumped back on the couch, blood and brain matter quickly seeping into the cushions, dead instantly.
You and Ellie were screaming in unison, but you had the presence of mind to drag her to the floor, covering her smaller body with yours for what protection it might offer.
You heard a loud crash in the kitchen as the door was kicked open, followed by the sound of unfamiliar voice. They had all the exits covered, sniper on the opposite roof to block the fire escape and take out the threat of a highly trained mercenary and a small army that was now stomping through your front door.
You moved quickly, bringing Ellie to the far wall where the TV was, nestling her between you and entertainment system, away from the line of sight of any sniper.
You were now facing the kitchen, just in time for four men to enter. Three were heavily armed men, wearing expensive suits and government type ear pieces. The fourth, obviously the leader, held no weapons that you could see.
The leader stepped closest to you, but still kept a safe distance. They had done their research ahead of time. You had no super powers but he knew better than to underestimate his opponent. Anyone willing to share in Wade Wilson's life would have to be their own force to be reckoned with.
You looked him over, with his well pressed suit, slicked back hair and glasses he looked more like your average Wallstreet broker than a hired thug.
"I regret having to resort to such extreme measures but I'm afraid Deadpool has something that belongs to my employer, and he wants it back." His cultured voice was as slick as his hair.
The slick son of a bitch was actually smiling. Your stomach turned, whoever would risk coming after the infamous mercenary and smile about it would have to be a terrifying enemy.
You were outnumbered and outgunned. Wade had made sure you could shoot, and although you were no Hawkeye, you were quite good, but the closest gun you knew of was taped under the coffee table and there was no way you were getting to it without being shot first.
You looked at Wade, the small bullet wound in his forehead was slowly starting to heal over, but he wasn't moving yet. You knew he'd come back, you only hoped it was in time.
You had to stall.
"Well, asshat, Deadpool can't really answer you right now. Maybe if you tell me what it is I can get it for you?" You sneered, sounding far braver than you felt. Ellie was still and quiet behind you.
The leader smirked. "A fiesty one, no wonder the mercenary likes you. All we're here for this evening is a little insurance."
He peered around you and your heart leapt into your throat. They were here for Ellie. What better way to get a man to return stolen goods than to take his daughter? What had Deadpool done? It didn't matter, whatever it was it didn't warrant terrorizing a little girl.
You looked at the Merc again, the entrance wound was completely healed over. Hopefully the much larger exit wound wouldn't be far behind.
Ellie shuddered behind you. "Take me, leave the girl. I promise he'll come for me."
Could you bet your life that the mercenary turned reluctant hero would do just that? You hoped so, because that's exactly what you were doing. Really, it didn't matter. You couldn't live with yourself if you let them take her. You'd rather die in her place if it came down to it.
The stranger seemed to contemplate your request. You were almost sure he was going to refuse when he cracked another snake like smile. "Very well. I do think my men will have more fun with you."
You swallowed hard. That didn't sound ominous at all. No matter what their 'fun' entailed it would be a far better thing if it happened to you than an innocent little girl.
You turned your head slightly, addressing Ellie while still keeping your eyes on the snake.
"You're gonna be alright sweetie, you stay here and make sure you tell your dad everything that happened when he wakes up." Something you hoped was going to happen any minute now. Before speaking you'd seen his fingers start to twitch.
The snake smiled again, causing you to suppress a shiver. "Don't worry, Miss. We know exactly who we're dealing with." In one smooth gesture the man swiftly unbuttoned his suit jacket, brandishing a pistol from a well hidden shoulder holster, and shot Deadpool twice more in head, reopening the healed would and leaving more mess on your couch.
Ellie tensed behind you, her small body jerking with the pop of gunfire, gripping your hand so hard it hurt.
"Stop it!" You screamed, knowing it wouldn't do any good. Unlike most people, these men weren't underestimating your regenerating Merc.
He smiled, tucking his gun away once again and rebuttoning his jacket. "If you want this to stop, then you'll follow me." He gestured grandly with one well manicured hand for you to step in front of him.
"If I go with you all your men back off and the little girl is unharmed, right?" You took a small step forward, untangling your fingers from Ellie's.
"Of course. I am nothing if not a man of my word. This is simply business, a means to an end. I take no pleasure in it."
You doubted that very much. You snorted in response, preferring to appear overly confident than meek.
You knelt in front of the girl, uneasy with having your back toward the hit men. "You stay right here, don't move an inch until your dad wakes up. You hear me?"
Her eyes were wide with terror but focused. She was afraid but not in shock. You expected nothing less from Wade's own flesh and blood. She nodded strongly.
You gave her a tight hug, not knowing if you'd ever see the girl again. "Okay, Ellie. I'll be seeing you soon." You hoped your smile looked real enough, because it didn't feel it.
You walked boldy over to the gun toting strangers, head held high, voice strong. "Let's get this over with."