Chapter Text
Queen Sorsha grabbed Kit’s arm and dragged her out of the Great Hall. Sorsha was understandably upset and likely going to admonish Kit for the outburst at her and Prince Graydon’s engagement banquet. The last thing Jade saw was Kit looking back at her. Kit’s eyes were dark and glossy, welling with tears. With that look, Jade felt the depth of pain and hurt that she had inflicted on Kit.
Jade knew she should have told Kit about leaving to train with the Shining Legion sooner. She knew Kit would be upset and, yet, she kept it secret. She was afraid she’d ruin any remaining time they had left together, afraid of things changing between them, afraid Kit would push her away. She had seen Kit do it numerous times with Airk, Sorsha, and even her before. It usually never lasted long, but it made her nervous about telling Kit about news this big; this is life-changing.
The thought of telling Kit was daunting, along with the reality of leaving Tir Asleen. Now it was the night before her departure; she would be leaving Tir Asleen, leaving Kit, for forty moons, and the weight of it hit her like a tonne of bricks. How could she have been so stupid? So cowardly? She felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach and it almost made her banquet dinner come back up. A fitting punishment she thought.
Jade knew she had to do something. She couldn’t sit with this guilt. She couldn’t leave tomorrow without talking to Kit first. Jade snuck through the banquet crowd, and quietly ducked out of the Great Hall and into one of the service corridors. She had memorized all of the halls, corridors, and secret passages so she could move around the castle quickly and efficiently; exactly as a future royal knight should.
She made her way to one of the upper corridors by the hallway next to Kit and Airk’s bedrooms. Jade stopped abruptly, remaining hidden, as Sorsha’s voice rang through the hallways.
“...I’ve never asked much of you or your brother. You are free to come and go as you please from this castle, you mostly do whatever you want.”
“How is asking me to marry Graydon Hastur, ‘not much,’ exactly? You’re making me a prisoner, sentenced to a life I didn’t even choose!” Kit yelled back.
“No one chooses their life, Kit!”
“Or their mom!” Kit retorted.
“That’s right. And if you think I’m tough, you should have met mine,” Sorsha said, reminding Kit of her evil sorceress grandmother, Bavmorda.
The patter of fast footsteps approaching made Jade tense up until she heard Airk’s voice, “It’s fine, it’s fine. Everything’s fine. I just spoke to Graydon. Who’s actually not such a terrible guy, if you just get to know him. He’s going to talk to the King, smooth everything over, explain-”
“I think you should stick to chasing girls, rather than sticking your nose in matters that you’re incapable of understanding and are not your concern!” Sorsha snapped.
Jade, unable to see the royal family from her spot in the corridor, was still able to tell that Sorsha had overstepped. Sorsha was not usually that strict. She may be tough but she was rarely cruel. She was often lenient in Jade’s opinion. Who in their right mind would let their heirs sword fight in the upper reaches of the Canyon Maze, or galavant around Tir Asleen as they please, or ride around the surrounding areas of the kingdom as they see fit? Jade always thought it was Sorsha’s way of overcompensating because she knew the burden of the royal duties would overtake their lives, especially Kit’s, eventually. Since tonight was the eve of Kit’s wedding, it made sense that Sorsha would be tense and on edge. She had the weight of two kingdoms and a Realm on her shoulders.
“Go to bed. Both of you. In the morning, you'll apologize to the King, and the Prince, and then you will marry him because that’s what was agreed upon all those years ago, Kit. It’s what I’ve been preparing you for these last several years. We all have responsibilities in protecting the Realm. You knew this day would come.” Jade heard Sorsha walk away, leaving the twins in the hallway.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Kit asked Airk, with clear irritation in her voice.
“Oh, what? That? I was just trying to explain that I spoke with Graydon and he seems like a really nice guy-” Airk said, before being cut-off.
“I didn’t ask for your help,” huffed Kit.
“No, but you’re going to get it anyway, because you’re my sister and I love you, despite your winning personality.”
“Everybody loves you because you’re so charming and fun, as long as they don’t expect anything from you because the moment that they do, you’ll just leave. Just like Dad did.”
Jade winced at Kit’s insult. She knew she was partially responsible for Kit’s hostility right now, and felt bad that Airk was enduring Kit’s wrath instead of her.
“I’m not him. Kit, I’m not going anywhere. I’m never gonna leave you. I’m going to be here for you while you marry Graydon. I know you don’t want to marry him. I think everyone knows that by now, but I want you to know you can lean on me, Kit. I’ve got you. I’ll always have your back. I love you,” said Airk, in a soft but firm tone.
There was a pause, and then Jade heard Kit take a deep breath and sigh before saying, “I know. I’m-I’m sorry, Airk.” Jade noticed the sound of defeat and regret in Kit’s voice before Kit continued, “I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”
“Yeah. Of course…hey, maybe you should talk to Jade,” Airk said. Jade perked up at the mention of her name, hoping to hear Kit’s response but Kit said…nothing. What Jade wouldn’t give to be able to see both of their faces right now. Half of the communication between Kit and Airk was exchanging knowing glances with each other. Blummin’ twins. That weirdly telepathic, annoying connection. She rolled her eyes, wishing she could read their minds.
Jade heard Kit shuffle towards her bedroom saying “Night, Airk” before closing the door.
If Jade had thought she felt guilty when Kit was dragged out of the Great Hall, it was just a sliver of the guilt she felt now. A part of her knew Kit would feel abandoned, and Kit confirmed her suspicions in the conversation with Airk. Jade had convinced herself that she was doing this for Kit, for Tir Asleen, and for the Realm so she would understand and come around to the idea. Eventually. Except she hadn’t given Kit the luxury of time to absorb the news, so it was no wonder that Kit was rightfully angry. She had been dealing with a lot due to her upcoming marriage and Jade had just thrown a match into Kit’s emotional powder keg.
Part of Jade’s job was protecting Kit, and she took pride in how well she had accomplished that goal up until today, but now, because of her own cowardice, she was the one who had caused Kit pain. She felt floored by her own failure.
Suddenly she heard shoes clicking, and the mutter of a new voice that she couldn’t quite make out. Airk quietly called, “Dove?” and Jade pressed her body back against the corridor wall continuing to hide in the shadows.
Dove? Who’s Dove? She could now make out the other voice and recognized it as Brunhilde, a kitchen maid. They had spoken numerous times, but she had never heard the name Dove before. Ah, a nickname bestowed by Airk . He loved finding ridiculous nicknames for all of his current love interests. Jade almost snorted at the thought but caught herself. She pursed her lips and slowly breathed in and out.
Jade tuned back into their conversation and overheard Brunhilde say, “-how can I expect you, the prince, to commit, to me, muffin girl, when you’ve got countesses and trollops shamelessly throwing themselves at you like-“
“Okay, uh, wait-” Airk responded. “What if, uh, I did? What if I did? What if I was - ready to commit? I know it’s not the greatest marriage proposal of all time. In fact, it might be the worst, but what if it was, what if it was better?”
“Uh, that’s definitely something that we can discuss.”
Airk stammered, “I just have- I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
“Me neither,” Dove said softly, before adding, “-but perhaps we could discuss this somewhere that’s not right outside your sister’s bedroom.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course,” said Airk as he led Brunhilde down the hall towards his bedroom.
Jade’s whole face scrunched. Did Airk just propose to Brunhilde? She was absolutely gobsmacked by what she had just overheard. Jade rubbed the space between her eyebrows as all of the tension she had been holding in her shoulders and face went slack as she contemplated Airk and Brunhilde’s conversation.
Thoughts swirled in her mind. Airk, the notorious serial dater, was ready to commit? To marry someone? To marry someone who wasn’t royalty or highborn? She couldn’t believe it. Jade shook her head, looking downwards. She wasn’t exactly sure what this feeling was but it felt something close to awe, and being in awe of Airk felt bizarre. Her skin felt clammy so she instinctively wiped her brow; suddenly feeling too warm.
Airk had always been a bit casual about, well, everything. Something Jade didn’t really understand. She was a serious person. She had to be. The moments that she had to relax were few and far between as she was rarely off-duty, and with Kit. That’s when she felt most like herself. The only thing Airk seemed to be dedicated to was galavanting around Tir Asleen, sword fighting, and wooing maidens. Sure, he was a great brother with a caring soul, but he wasn’t someone that many people took seriously. She had always liked Airk based on how he treated everyone, how he treated her, and the things that Kit told her; but the castle staff rumours about him were merciless and she never knew exactly what was truth and what was fiction.
Hearing that Airk wanted to commit to someone, especially someone who was a member of the staff, gave her a glimmer of hope. If Airk could love someone like Brunhilde maybe there was hope for Jade after all. Maybe Kit could feel the same way about a member of staff like Airk did? Maybe Kit would feel the same way Jade felt. Maybe Kit could love her like Airk loved Brunhilde. Maybe…
No, that’s impossible. I’m a knight. Well, I’m going to be a knight and knights swear an oath. They don’t fall in love. They don’t marry. Plus she’s the Princess and I’m just…me. Airk must see something special in Brunhilde, but Kit must not see something special in me. Otherwise she would have said something. Or done something. Plus we could never- she’s getting married soon. Tomorrow.
Jade felt panicked and desperate. A feeling she was unfamiliar with. She was used to feeling competent, self-assured, and clear-headed. Only when it came to her feelings about Kit did she feel an internal spiral, a swirl of emotions that she wasn’t ever sure what to do with. She had tried to get over it, to put those feelings aside, but it never worked. Dozens and dozens of moons and she still felt that pull. A need to be close to Kit. A wanting.
She always thought she had hidden it well, but Ballantine recently noticed that Jade would hand pick flowers for Kit and leave them tied in a bouquet hanging from Kit’s bedroom door. Jade never placed them on the ground for Kit, knowing the Princess was always groggy in the morning and likely to trample them on her way downstairs to the dining hall for breakfast.
Ballantine reminded Jade to tread carefully with the Princess, and she had felt so ashamed that she had been so blatantly obvious about it. She never thought it would lead anywhere, not really, she just wanted to do something nice for Kit and picking flowers was always something she enjoyed, and if Kit picked up on Jade’s feelings for her then so be it. Jade was willing to have that conversation, but she wasn’t about to initiate it. At least not without some sort of serious indication from Kit that her feelings were mutual.
Picking flowers for Kit was also a nice respite for Jade and it was also something she could afford. She made sure to go through the castle gardens a couple of times a week to peruse its different sections; really enjoying her alone time. She would think about how to improve her skills and training methods, or sometimes she’d daydream about Kit, and would try to find a flower that matched Kit’s personality. Kit always took the time to compliment Jade’s selection of flowers and it gave her a sense of pride, as well as a swooping feeling in her stomach. Another feeling she wasn’t sure what to do with.
Once Ballantine talked to Jade about leaving the flowers though, she stopped immediately. She missed getting that swooping feeling from giving Kit’s flowers. It was consistent, predictable, reliable. Ever since she had stopped leaving flowers for Kit, that feeling showed up erratically and in bizarre ways. Sometimes the swooping feeling would turn into a tight sensation in her chest and she’d have to take a couple of deep breaths. Recently when Kit would place a hand on any part of her, Jade would feel a shot of electricity down her spine and heat would radiate out across her body. Sure, it made her feel vulnerable, but it was also exciting and intoxicating. Jade was never good at deciphering her feelings, and it had taken her some time to piece all of these feelings together to realize that she was in love with Kit.
Of course, you’d fall in love with the Princess. Pretty much the one person you shouldn’t fall for she had thought to herself upon realization.
Jade knew that she couldn’t let her romantic feelings for Kit overshadow what she had come here to do. She needed to apologize to Kit. To salvage their friendship. That was the most important thing to Jade. She could tolerate Kit not loving her back in a romantic way. She had gotten used to that, but what she couldn’t tolerate was Kit being mad at her before leaving for Galladoorn. She wanted to make sure that whatever happened tonight, that her and Kit were good and their friendship was still intact. She didn’t think she’d be able to withstand the Shining Legion training if she left on bad terms with Kit.
Jade laid out her plans in her mind and then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and gathered herself by tipping her head back against the corridor wall. She whispered a small prayer to the future true Empress, Elora Danan. ‘Til that day. She then proceeded out into the hallway and made her way to Kit’s bedroom door.
Kit, still fuming, paced around her bedroom unable to calm herself. She felt lightheaded as she choked back tears. She pondered if it was the wine from the banquet making her feel nauseous, or if it was because her whole world was collapsing around her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Kit’s thoughts spiralled. Jade is leaving tomorrow!? I need to talk to her! I can’t marry Graydon Hastur if she’s not here in Tir Asleen. It will be unbearable without her. I could just leave. Maybe I could go with Jade…no. I can’t hide out in Galladoorn with Jade. Everyone would recognize me. I’d be the missing Princess. The Princess that rejected their Prince. It could start a war between Tir Asleen and Galladoorn. I could flee to somewhere else? That place wouldn’t have Jade either, though. Gods, what a nightmare. What a fucking nightmare.
Kit was never good at sitting with her anger or how to handle it. She often tried to redirect it with varying degrees of success. Her redirection hadn’t worked out well at the banquet. That had been a complete disaster.
She felt like she was allowed to be sad, or nervous, or jealous even, anything but angry. Being angry felt too volatile, too explosive. She always had to turn it into something else before she erupted and pushed people away. She had done it countless times before, and tonight was no exception. The guilt that would plague her afterwards was too much to deal with and the round of apologies she’d have to endure for her behaviour always felt too vulnerable and she hated it. She was determined to not let her anger spiral out of control again this evening. She had already lost her father due to circumstances out of her control and the last thing she wanted to do was to push Jade away even though she was furious with her right now. She wasn’t about to lose someone she loved due to circumstances she could control. She needed to find a way to talk to Jade and keep her cool.
Kit tried taking a deep breath but it caught in her chest, restricted by the tightness of her dress. She was still wearing her banquet gown with what could only be described as a truly insufferable waist belt. Her hands fumbled trying to remove the suffocating metal and leather torture device. How could her mother think she’d like this…thing? “It’s fashionable in Galladoorn,” her mother had exclaimed. As if she had ever cared about what was fashionable. Clothes fit for horse riding were all she needed. Whereas this belt contraption may have been the worst thing she had ever worn, not that she’d let her mother, or anyone else for that matter, see her squirm. She needed it off immediately.
Kit wrestled with the belt until sweat started to gather on her brow. Her fingers finally found purchase with one of the thicker leather strings. She tugged it and the tension loosened and Kit wiggled herself free. After two quick attempts to undo the clasps down the back of her dress, she gave up and rang the string bell for a staff person to come up and help her. Surely, one of the staff would be available to help her out of the dress. She hoped not every member of staff was too busy with the banquet to assist her.
It felt like less than a minute had passed before Kit heard a knock on her bedroom door and ran over to it. She swung the door open, head already down as she turned her back to the person at the door and motioned to the clasps on the back of her dress. Impatiently Kit asked, “Could you please get me out of this thing?”
Kit heard a quick, deep gasp, and then felt warm fingers on her back, near the top of her dress, slowly starting to undo it. This person must be new, she mused as she felt a slight tremble in the person’s hands as they seemed to struggle. Kit felt the last clasp come undone just below the dip in her lower back. She quickly removed both arms from the shoulders of her dress, and was about to say thank you before heading behind her privacy screen to fully undress when she heard, “Um, do you need me to unclasp your necklace as well, Princess?”
Shocked by the sound of Jade’s voice, Kit whipped around, almost dropping the front of her dress. She scrambled to make sure she hadn’t just exposed herself to Jade, who was quick to avert her eyes; choosing to look at the ceiling instead of directly at Kit. Clutching the front of her dress, Kit looked directly at Jade, whose face had gone beet red, and stuttered, “J- Jade?” Slightly louder, she questioned, “What are you doing here?”