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Yoichi felt strange.
Not from any physical reason nor any illness… but just… strange.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t been in this exact same situation before… words traded that Yoichi wasn’t sure if they ever meant… stretched collars and popped buttons and once again, they were in his bedroom in his apartment and he would be there until morning. Dipping out quietly when he awoke, Yoichi would be left confused, conflicted, and a little bit sore, but never once did he regret it.
He remembered being confused when this arrangement first started… or was it even really an arrangement and just something that happened every once in a while that neither of them could stop, even if they wanted to.
Yoichi didn’t really want to, now that he thought about it. He remembered after the first night of allowing Michael Kaiser into his bed, he felt angry. Not necessarily used, but something close to it. He thought it didn’t mean anything, and the expenses paid to lose his virginity were simply multiple arguments and bickering with his teammate that up until that very moment he was sure hated him.
Yoichi had heard of hate sex before… Back in Blue Lock, Bachira joked about it regularly, saying that he and Rin should just do it to get it out of their systems, but Yoichi had denied that, saying he wanted his first time to be a bit more meaningful than that.
So maybe that was why he was angry about their arrangement.
But again… there was no arrangement. They had never talked about it. They had never agreed to be exclusive. Hell they didn’t even plan it out… it just happened, a disagreement during training and once again they would be back in bed, doing unspeakable things to each other that Yoichi surely didn’t hate, but didn’t know what to do with either.
Especially when Kaiser started changing.
Well, “changing” said loosely, because he was still Michael Kaiser in the grand scheme of things.
Arrogant and rude, overly confident, cocky, selfish. All the negatives Yoichi could think of to describe his teammate and “partner”.
Partner.
They weren’t partners. Yoichi wasn’t sure if he could imagine them in that life… dating and getting along and doing something other than bickering every single day. Yoichi didn’t hate him… it was hard for him to truly hate anyone. But even still, it was really hard to like him on a bad day, and he really truly struggled to picture Michael as anything but a pain in his ass.
But still… something was different lately.
Something in Michael’s demeanor… the way he carried himself… the way he treated Yoichi… for some reason, it wasn’t all bitterness and vitriol, venom spit from their lips at every turn. They could actually have a conversation now between sets in the gym or when they retreated to the sidelines for water during practice.
Michael asked if he was settling into his apartment alright. If he liked Munich. If he missed home.
Yoichi shared little bits of his private life. He liked his apartment, though it was very different from anything he would’ve gotten if he joined a team in Japan. He didn’t mind Munich, and it was getting easier to navigate every day as he learned to understand some of the language. He missed home, sure, but the small burst of negativity when he thought of his homesickness was quickly put to rest by reminding himself this is what he wanted from his childhood. His dreams and goals for the future. He wanted to be on the same team as Noel Noa, and now he was, and that concept made Michael smile and shake his head before turning away.
Things were different, and Yoichi didn’t hate that. He would much rather be friends with Kaiser than sworn enemies. Rivals, sure, but with a healthy level of respect for each other like the greats of the generation before them. He wanted to butt heads with Kaiser on the field, but get dinner with him after practice. He wanted to see red when Kaiser tried to steal the ball from him mid-game, but then have a casual conversation with him in the locker room after.
He wanted something from him that would be so easily attainable, yet neither of them were close to folding.
But maybe Kaiser was a bit closer than he thought.
Another night, another evening spent face down in Kaiser’s bed. There were no sounds, no music nor background noise of a movie playing. Only the soft squeak of the bed as Michael fell into him, working him open as he kissed Yoichi’s lower back.
That was new. One of the things that let Yoichi know something was different. Something had changed. Something was off that Yoichi didn’t fully understand, but didn’t entirely hate.
At first, Michael never kissed him. Not even to leave a hickey nor bite his tongue so hard that it bled. He was expecting that, because he didn’t particularly want to kiss him either, but even so, sometimes it felt lacking. Like something was missing.
The first time Michael kissed him, it was just a small peck on the back of his neck. It seemed to be a reflex… an instinct that he followed without realizing that maybe he shouldn’t. They stared at each other for a moment, locked into a “what just happened” stare that never seemed to end until Michael coughed, deliberately ripping away his eyes so that Yoichi could not peer into his soul anymore.
But it never stopped there. It continued. Kaiser’s touches were already bold, touching Yoichi wherever he wanted, but his kisses were timid. He avoided Yoichi’s lips as if they may give him a disease, cooties, but he kissed his shoulders.
His forehead.
His back.
Yoichi didn’t hate it. Just like he didn’t hate Michael. But it confused him even so because this… this was new. This wasn’t how Michael treated him. Not even on a good day. And if it was a good day, kissing him still seemed painful for Michael, as he would frown when he pulled away like he had a bad taste in his mouth. Rushing away to the bathroom when they were done to clean up, leaving Yoichi staring at the ceiling, wondering, thinking about what the hell just happened .
He was confused.
But he didn’t hate it.
Actually, he quite liked the extra attention he received from Kaiser.
He liked the added layer of softness.
He liked that Michael tried his hardest not to hurt him, and actually put effort in working him open so he could slide in easily.
He liked the little sigh that Michael always let out when he was fully seated inside of Yoichi, eyes closed as he reveled in the feeling and the warmth.
The feeling of being close to Yoichi, his biggest rival and biggest headache.
Or maybe the feeling of being close to someone who meant a bit more to him than he let on, because Yoichi expected there was something deeper… hidden away in the back of Michael’s heart that he wouldn’t touch or address until it was time.
But maybe, now was the time.
Yoichi stretched his arms over his head, spine popping beautifully as he yawned, easing himself back into the real world for another day. Michael was still asleep, as he often was this early in the morning, which always made a perfect escape route for Yoichi when it was time to go. Michael always let him spend the night, not wanting the foreigner who barely read English to get lost on his way back home in the streets of Munich. Before, when they first started this weird little game, they would lay in bed, redressed and stiff, with their backs to each other so they didn’t touch. Even after completing the most intimate acts people who were uncertain of each other could complete.
But now? Michael had rolled over, blonde hair a wild mess around his head, with one arm reaching out towards the spot where Yoichi lay.Yoichi would wander to the bathroom, splashing water on his face and wiping away any dried spots of lube from his thighs that they missed the night before. Michael was stirring now, the light from the morning falling across his eyes and by the time Yoichi returned, his eyes were open, sleepy and accusatory, as if he was asking “why did you leave me?”
Picking up his clothes from the bedroom floor, Yoichi started to get redressed, but he couldn’t even pull his underwear up his legs before Michael grabbed his wrist, tugging on it lightly to get Yoichi to look at him.
An unspoken request for Yoichi to rejoin him.
That was also new, but Yoichi didn’t deny him. It was their day off, and really, all he was going to do once he got home was crawl into his own bed and fall asleep. Michael had kept him up late the night before, and the only reason he had awoken now was an unshakeable internal clock that did terrible things to him by refusing to let him sleep in past 8 am.
Plus, the satisfaction on Michael’s smug face, like a cat who had finally gotten his way to steal a slice of fish off of its owner’s plate, was worth it for the hug he received as soon as he crawled back under the sheets.
Michael pulled him to his chest instantly, squeezing him tightly and refusing to let go. The contact felt like an act of desperation, as if Michael might actually evaporate if he let go. As if he thought Yoichi would disappear…
“Michael?” Yoichi asked, trying to wiggle in his grasp to hopefully find a comfortable way to lay… somewhere that his arms weren’t pressed up against Michael’s stomach and he could hug him back. Michael grumbled as his face was pressed on Yoichi’s chest, communicating without words.
Just let me do this…let me need you for a moment…
His intent was as clear as day, even as his eyes fluttered closed again, falling back asleep with Yoichi held in his arms like a child might hold its favorite stuffed animal.
The thing that made them feel safe and whole.
The thing that protected them from the bad dreams.
The thing that they loved more than anything else in the world… because it was the one thing that would be there, consistently, no matter what else happened in the world.
Yoichi wasn’t sure if he was that sort of comfort for Michael. Not when their entire relationship had been about their rivalry, their arguments, the times that they got into each other’s faces. It was never just about them… about the good times, as they were so few and far between. Yoichi wished he could change that…
But, he is pretty sure they were changing.
That the way things were right now would only improve. They just went backwards, mixing up the steps and changing things to fit the way it would work for them.
Yoichi could stay like this forever.
Kissing the top of Michael’s head, he let his eyes slip closed, breathing in the soft, woodsy smell of his shampoo. Michael squeezed him tightly, as if he felt the way his feelings, both good and bad, were reciprocated and returned. Yoichi tried to ignore the places their bodies stuck together, because if he reviewed their romp from the previous night in his head, there was a good chance that he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not with Michael’s bare body not even inches from his.
Michael sighed, content and happy, sounding oh so like the nights spent buried inside him, but oh so different at the same time. Because they weren’t having sex for once. And while Yoichi liked that just fine (actually he liked it alot… Michael always took care of him and made him feel like his skin was on fire, even if he complained about it), he liked this so much better.
The closeness.
The unspoken words of a romance that was so close to existing, teetering on the edge of something significant, and it all hanging in the air around them like it wanted to rain down on their heads reminding them that they meant something to each other.
It was hard to admit how much this felt like home… when what was meant to be home was thousands of miles away in a completely different continent.
But Yoichi was here, in Michael’s bed, listening to his breathing even out as he fell into a deep sleep, wondering why they had ever fought in the first place if being with him felt so nice and so calm.
But, if the fighting is what led to all of this, then he wouldn’t ever regret it.