Chapter Text
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
The apocalypse had finally ended, and now there was peace. Five decided to finally get out of his room and go out on a walk, he needed it anyway. Birds sang sweetly, and nature was how it had always been. It was a far cry from the dust and pain he had known, so different from the smoke that had filled his lungs and made him choke, so different from back there. ( Back home, a voice he had yet to recognize told him. Was it his own?) But even with the world around him staying the same as it has always been, a hollow emptiness remained inside himself, the kind of emptiness he could never get rid of. It was always with him, wherever he went.
A week ago, Five was sitting in the kitchen, it was very early morning... or late night? Who knew? He was just enjoying some coffee since there was nothing else to do. He couldn't sleep anyway—the dread of waking up to yet another apocalypse was a pretty good reason not to.
"Five-o, everything okay? Buddy," Klaus said with a worried look as he came into view. Five hated that look because, out of all people, he didn't need pity. Did Klaus know how much blood was on his hands? How many innocent lives he had taken? If Klaus knew, would he still have that same worried look? Five smiled, but it was more of a grimace. "I'm fine, Klaus," he answered with a scowl. That's what he always said. He always needed to be fine, to survive, to live.
Klaus raised an eyebrow. "It's waa-yyy past your bedtime, kiddo." Normally, Five would retort with something like, "I'm not a kid, Klaus, I could be your father," or "Fuck you." But tonight, he didn't feel like it. He didn't feel anything at all, which was strange. Usually, he would be flustered or angry, but now? He felt empty. He must have been silent for too long because Klaus was suddenly in front of him. How did he not notice Klaus moving? Normally, Five picked up on the slightest movements. The Commission had a way of doing that to a person.
Five flinched slightly, hoping Klaus didn't notice because that would be quite embarrassing. "Whatever," he mumbled and ripped open space and time into his room. He was so tired, but he couldn't sleep. He didn't want to; he would just end up back in that chaos.
Suddenly, something wet splashed onto his face, snapping Five out of his daze. He looked up to see the rain coming down steadily. Normally, he would have found comfort in the rain, a sign that he was back from that hellish place and safe. But tonight? He felt soaked, hollow, and overwhelmed by a deep sadness. It wasn't a nice feeling. But who was he to dare feel sad? He had taken more lives than he could count; he didn't deserve to feel anything but the weight of his actions.
It was an afternoon, and Five was in the living room, absorbed in a book about psychics he hadn't read before. The peace of the moment was a sharp contrast to the chaos in his mind. He knew he had saved the world, but even now, he couldn't shake the feeling that disaster was just around the corner. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for doomsday to strike and obliterate everything while he could only watch, helplessly, as his family died over and over, and over again. Then he'd have to fix it, and they wouldn't even remember, wouldn't even know what he had sacrificed.
"-Ive." Just how much more would he have to live? He wanted peace, he wanted to finally be able to rest. But he couldn't, not yet anyway. He had to make sure his family was safe first. Make sure there was no apocalypse anymore.
"-ive!!" How would he do it? With a gun to his head? No, that would be rather gory when someone found him. A free fall? That did sound rather pleasing; he could feel the wind in his hair for the last time—
"Five!" A familiar voice broke through his thoughts. Allison. Five looked up from his book with a calm expression, trying to mask how much his heart raced from being startled. "Yes, Allison?" He hoped his voice sounded steady. His sister crossed her arms and gave him her 'Worried-Mother' look, which, of course, didn't work on Five; he was not a child.
"You've been on the same page for 20 minutes," she said nonchalantly. Five looked back at the book, realizing he was lost in thought again. Just how many times would he do that? He glanced at Allison and said, "I was thinking. Why do you care?" He winced internally—shit, that wasn't what he meant to say. Why was he always such an asshole? Why couldn't he have a normal conversation? He didn't mean to sound so cold; he just didn't know how else to react.
Allison looked disappointed by his answer. Five didn't want to react, didn't want to give her the satisfaction, but the gut-wrenching feeling in his heart made itself known, spreading through his entire body. Why was she disappointed? What did she expect from him? He had grown up in an apocalypse, with no one to talk to except Dolores, who was gone now, leaving him alone with his thoughts. Five frowned, why couldn't she just get it? " Leave me alone, Allison." He answered instead and with that ripped through space to his room again.
His clothes were drenched through with rain, but he didn't mind. The chill of the water was a stark reminder that he was still alive, and for once, he felt undeniably awake. The cold seeped into his bones, but it was a reminder of his pulse, his breath—he was here, existing in the moment.
He wondered, in the solitude of the rain, what it would be like to die by drowning. Would it be a release, an escape from the relentless grind of his existence? Would the sensation of water enveloping him, muffling the chaos of the outside world, offer a strange form of solace? As the rain hammered against his skin, he imagined himself slipping beneath the surface, the water's embrace comforting him.
Would his final moments of air be filled with relief?
Would his last breath be a sigh of peace as he surrendered to the cool, liquid embrace? The water would be a silent witness, a shroud that would silence the noise of his thoughts, swallowing his fears and pain until only calm remained. It would envelop him completely, letting him simply exist in its endless embrace. Peace, thats what he would feel.
In the heart of the storm, he wondered if the final surrender would be any different from the endless cycle of fighting and loss he had known. Would the darkness of the depths bring a calm?
He was so tired.
He just wanted to rest.
Rest.
Five closed his eyes.
"Meow—" Huh? Did he imagine that noise? He must have, because all he could hear was the rain. The people had already left due to the storm, leaving Five feeling isolated once again.
"Meoww! Mrr..." The sound came again. Five opened his eyes with a frown. He saw his reflection in a puddle formed by the storm. He looked terrible—like death itself. He felt soaked and cold.
What was he doing? Five buried his face in his hands, overwhelmed.
"Mr-eow."
He looked up, trying to locate the sound. It was coming from a nearby alleyway that looked too sketchy to investigate. He tried to ignore it; it was probably nothing.
"Mew!" Whatever was making that noise sounded hurt. Five frowned and walked into the alleyway. It was dark, but he could see enough. He squinted his eyes... Nothing. There was absolutely nothing around that could make that sound.
Suddenly, something brushed against his leg, making him flinch and fall backward. He didn't hear anything moving closer. Five groaned, drenched even more now. Just his luck. He looked at what had caused him to trip. It was... a kitty?
"Huh." That was all Five could manage. Right, he had forgotten about these little creatures. Back in the apocalypse, the only survivors were cockroaches and a few rats that had made it through the blast.
"Meowww—" The little creature sounded, and it was surprisingly... cute. Five never thought he'd find a use for a word like that, but here he was. The tiny beast brushed against his hand, and despite himself, he found it endearing. What was a cat like this doing in the alleyway, in the storm? Did it have nowhere else to go?
Five hesitantly moved his hand, letting the little creature sniff him. He wasn't sure what to do—he worried he might hurt it if he touched it.
Carefully, he extended his hand to pet it, and to his surprise, the cat didn't back away. Instead, it did something Five hadn't expected: it melted into his touch and began to purr. Hearing that soft, rhythmic sound made Five's heart twist. What now? What was he supposed to do with this? It looked so lonely, and it reminded him of himself.
"Hi," he said, the word feeling awkward but necessary. It was dumb, but he didn't have anyone else to talk to right now. "Are you... alone, kitty?" It felt odd saying it, but there it was. The cat looked up at him with wide, round eyes, and Five had to stifle an "Aw."
"Mreow." The little kitty responded, and Five couldn't help but smile. "So you are, huh? Me too, little guy... or girl." He frowned slightly and carefully lifted the cat. Thankfully, it didn't scratch him.
It was a girl.
"Oh, I apologize for calling you a guy, little Miss," he murmured. Five stroked the cat's soft fur. She looked so small and wet, a tiny furball of misery. He felt a pang of sympathy for her.
"Do you... maybe want to come with me? You see, I'm pretty lonely too," Five said, and the cat meowed in response. For the first time in a long while, he grinned—a genuine grin.
"Should I name you?" he asked more to himself than to her. Could he really take care of her? What if he hurt her? What if he wasn't enough? What if— A soft fur brushed against his hands, pulling him out of his spiraling thoughts. It would... be fine, wouldn't it?
"Ms. Penny, that's your name now... Is that okay?" Five cringed at how soft his voice sounded. It was almost unsettling, this gentleness he didn't usually show.
"Mreoow!" Penny responded, and Five drew her closer as she shivered from the cold. Right, it was raining. Five got up, determined to get home without using his abilities, unsure if the little creature could handle it.
The walk home felt longer than usual without his powers, but it was worth it. Penny snuggled as close as she could against him as they walked, and he couldn't help but smile. Cute.