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That’s what he’s meant to do, right?
Livio and Gion just started dating a bit more than half a month ago. Everything isn’t perfectly smooth, but it’s going alright. They’ve had one argument, just one, and the blame was clearly placed on one person- Livio. After that, it was forgiven but not forgotten. Aside from that, everything was fine.
Another argument happened. Just recently, too. Gion has locked himself in his room and refuses to come out.
Livio doesn’t blame him.
He found so many small sheets of paper in the prince’s drawers, dirtied and crumpled, while he was cleaning around the dorms. He wouldn’t have read them had he not noticed the stains on it, fresh and deep, deep red, unlike the paper.
So he read them, he scanned a few pages, pages full of hurtful words that Livio only grew more and more unsettled with as he read. So many words, handwritten words, full of self-hatred and distress.
Livio slaps himself for not noticing them sooner.
He sets the papers aside for a moment to collect himself.
He’s worried for his prince. Ever so worried, when he notices the mood dips or the periods when he didn’t eat or the bloodstains on his floors that Gion forgot to clean.
Livio wants him safe.
So he asks .
“Why do you have those?” Gion questions, his tone shifting from curious to cold.
Livio answers truthfully. He debates, now, on whether he should have.
Gion’s glare is steely and unwavering. He stands up from his armchair, placing the book aside, and makes an attempt to snatch the papers out of Livio’s hand. Livio yanks them away, meeting his gaze.
“You give me those. Now.” Gion says. His face only showed a hint of anger but Livio notices his hand curled into a fist at his side.
Livio gulps. He regains his composure quickly. “Not until you tell me why you have these.”
“I wrote them! Why else would I have them?” Gion snaps back, making another grab at the papers. Livio takes a few steps back.
“No, I mean- why are you keeping these?”
“Because-” Gion hesitates, and Livio swears he sees a flicker of doubt behind those eyes, “I like looking back on them. Just…just let me do it. Don’t get involved.” He says the last words with a tone of finality, but Livio refuses like the stubborn prick he is.
(Stubborn? Livio wants him safe. This isn’t healthy.)
“No. This isn’t a good coping mechanism. Please, please don’t do it anymore. You can-” Livio pauses for a moment, “You can find better ways to let your emotions out. Please don’t do this.”
Gion glares at him. “Give them to me. Now.”
Livio shakes his head. “Please don’t. Just- don’t. I’ll throw them out-”
“NO! Do not-” Gion trembles, pulling Livio’s arm down as he seized the papers and smoothed them out hurriedly. “- touch them. Just put them back.”
Livio sighs, his mouth feeling dry. “Mio principe, please don’t-”
“ Shut up. Don’t call me that.”
Livio thinks he might have heard some regret in his voice, but he believes it was just his mind playing tricks on him.
“Your highness, please don’t.” Livio tugs on his arm, and Gion stops in his footsteps. Livio’s heart jumps a little-
Gion wrenches his hand out of Livio’s grip and rushes off to his room. Livio hears the click of a lock.
Shit.
And it’s been hours since Gion came out. For once, Livio isn’t glad about the walls being soundproofed. He can’t hear a thing, he has no clue whether Gion is okay, or whatever’s going on in the room.
He prays Gion is okay. He knocks on the door. Once, twice, thrice..No response.
He waits.
And waits….
And he can only wait for so long before his heart starts cracking. He buries his face in his hands and leaves to his room.
Everything will be fine, he insists, everything will resolve itself.
…
Gion comes out for dinner. Livio tries speaking to him, taking his wrist and pulling him closer, but he jerks away, loads a few dishes onto a plate of rice and turns his back, locking himself shut in his room again.
Livio looks at it with dismay. It was his fault, as per usual. He doesn’t blame Prince Gion at all. He understands that his highness never learned to express his emotions properly, and Livio takes that the papers were a way of coping with repressed feelings.
They had a long bridge to build in their relationship, that much was obvious. Livio is ready to accept that. (Is he..?)
The next day passes by quickly. Gion doesn’t say anything when he comes out to eat breakfast, and he mouths a few orders for Livio in school, but nothing more. Livio notices him constantly sinking back into a stoic silence.
It’s deafening.
And night approaches again. Livio is getting afraid that his prince might act too rashly on his feelings, but it’s Gion that comes to face Livio, not the other way around.
Gion opens his door slowly and steps outside for dinner. Livio doesn’t try to speak to him, but he patiently waits at a side.
Just as he hoped, Gion heaves a sigh and walks up to him. The prince doesn’t say a word, looking at Livio expectantly.
Livio takes his hand, clasping it with care, “..Are you still mad?”
Gion…doesn’t pull his hand away.
And Livio rushes to start apologizing despite not fully knowing what he’d done wrong in the first place.
Gion listens to his apologies and assures him, “I’m not that mad anymore.”
And it sort of…just dissipates. Never truly resolved, but Livio is glad it’s over.
The wound lingers. It never heals.
NSFW AREA IS HERE!
********************
It’s been a week since then.
Gion refused to throw out the papers, but he promised not to do anything with them anymore.
Everything was fine.
Livio sits in his room, finishing up the last pieces of homework as well as a few sheets of paperwork for Prince Gion’s business.
He rubs his eyes.
So drained.
Suddenly, the door slams open and Gion enters the room. “Get on the bed.”
Livio is obviously startled but does as he’s told, clambering onto the edge of the bed as he takes Gion’s hand, pulling him a bit closer. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling upset?” He tries wrapping his arms around the prince in a hug, but he’s shoved away.
“Sex. Now .” Gion mumbles, pushing Livio down and straddling his hips. His expression seems distant and strained as he diverts his gaze.
“Wait- what? Why? Gion, your highness- it’s so late- what’s going on?” Livio is completely bewildered with Gion’s weird shift in attitude. The prince was always so hesitant when it came to- it, but he was acting completely off all of a sudden.
And Livio notices it. Something’s wrong, he can’t tell what, but something is wrong.
Before he knows it, Gion is frantically picking apart the buttons of his shirt, hands gripping onto Livio’s shoulders.
“Your highness? What’s going on? Why are you acting like this?” Livio shoves Gion onto the bed, pushing him a distance away as he trembles. Gion furrowed his brows and looked away.
“Just hurry up. I don’t care- how rough you are, just hurry up. ”
“Wait- no, I’m not doing this unless you really want to. You’re definitely not acting alright, what’s going on?” Livio blurts out, shifting closer to Gion, face full of concern. “Don’t force yourself to do anything.”
“I’m not-” Gion splutters, tossing his shirt aside while his hand moves to Livio’s pants. “Just get on with it. I don’t care about lube, I want this, I consent- just hurry up and do it.” He says with gritted teeth, his body shivering in a way that Livio can tell is not anticipation or excitement.
Livio keeps his hands tightly holding onto Gion’s shoulders, trying to keep him a distance away. “Gion- you don’t have to do this- Stop! Wh-why are you doing this? You’re clearly not in the mood for it, so don’t force it onto yourself!” He insists.
“I already said-” Gion forces out, so obviously lying that he doubts he even convinced himself, “- I want this. I’m fine. I am in the mood for this, just hurry up. I know you want it too anyways.”
“No. You clearly don’t want this-...” Livio’s voice trails off as Gion grinds their hips together. The prince lets out a quivering whimper, fingers moving to tug insistently at Livio’s pants, before shoving them down.
“H-hey, Mio principe, you need preparation,” Livio reminds, hand cautiously moving to Gion’ exposed ass while gripping his hips, holding them down firmly. “Stop. Don’t do this, I can tell you’re not comfortable with this…”
Gion just shakes his head profusely and closes his eyes, hand moving to pull down Livio’s underwear.
“No, no- absolutely not, stop. ” Livio’s fingers fastened around Gion’s wrist, preventing him from going further. “You’re- really not okay. You’re not acting like yourself. Please stop.”
Gion looks at him with pleading eyes, rubbing their crotches together again while letting soft gasps drop from his lips.
Livio exhales and shakes his head. “No. No. Stop, now .”
The prince’s face fills with irritation. “Just get on with it! Y-you’ll like it, and I’m okay with it!”
“You haven’t done any preparation-”
“I don’t care! I don’t care if it h-hurts, I need to feel it- I need to feel good…” Gion whispers, voice growing shaky as small tears- almost unnoticeable- start forming in his eyes.
“No, no, no, stop -
Gion yanks his pants down, pulling himself onto Livio’s hips as his fingers move to drag Livio’s underwear down. He trembles more, lifting his hips and repositioning them before sharply pushing himself down on Livio.
He winces, sucking in a breath as it buries itself inside him, scraping roughly against the dry skin, causing him to yelp in pain, tears beading out of his eyes. His hips jerk up in response to the sudden stretch, his breath violently hitching as he struggled to breathe.
It hurts it hurts ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts-
Gion’s body convulses like mad as he tries moving his hips, only to double over in pain when the organ rubbed raw against his walls, hips twitching violently as he tried to keep still, attempting to ignore the intense pain building in him.
He continues whimpering as quietly as he can and pants, catching his breath. His chest heaves unsteadily.
“No- get off!” Livio tries to force him off, but Gion just grasps Livio’s torso and rolls his hips, letting out sharp noises of pain but still continuing.
Gion gasps for air as his hips twitch again. “P-please..I just- need to feel something , I don’t care what it is, just move!” Rivets of tears start running down his cheeks. His breath grows ragged and uneven. “Please!”
Livio meets Gion’s begging, watery eyes and pauses.
He breathes in and out, slowly starting to move his hips, carefully guiding Gion’s thighs with a very gentle pace. Gion chokes out a few weak cries, keeping his eyes glued shut as his hips buck up to meet Livio’s slow rhythm, because it still hurts . It hurts so much .
“Rougher, “ Gion breathes out, despite the throbbing pain in his lower body, “Just be rougher, I don’t care how much it hurts, just be faster.”
“You’ll bleed- I can’t do that. I won’t do that!” Livio responds.
“Just-” Gion lifts his own hips, before pushing them back down onto Livio, crying out as the organ scrapes against his sensitive flesh. “L-like that!” He lets out a stifled groan, voice growing hoarse.
“Gion, Gion -”
“I just need to feel something- just let me feel something! I don’t care if it’s pain, hurry up and be rougher!”
“No.” Livio says. “We’ll take this slowly.”
Gion only shakes his head once more, hoisting up his hips again.
…
The prince lies curled up on the bed, shivering and trembling with tears leaking out of his eyes, white come dribbling from between his legs. He mumbles to himself inaudibly, hips still spasming upward every now and then.
Livio looks at him with worry, hand gently stroking his cheek, peppering kisses on his neck, which was covered into dark bruises.
“A-are you…okay?” His touch is so soothing, almost making up for the dark bruises on Gion’s hips.
Gion nods, and Livio knows he isn’t being fully truthful, even as he whispers a “Thank you…” and buries his face in the bed sheets.
It isn’t long before Livio hears the prince’s quiet sobs as he clung to the blankets, shivering and quaking with every touch of Livio’s hands. “ I’m sorry… ” he whimpers, “ I-I shouldn’t have done that…I’m sorry…please don’t leave me… ”
Livio hushes him softly, pressing kisses to his neck. “ I won’t.” He couldn’t, even if he tried. His eyes wandered over Gion’s body, hands tracing over his skin like it would alleviate his pain.
He takes a box of tissue and starts wiping the sweat and come and-
Livio freezes up.
Blood…? J-just a dash…
Gion was bleeding .
Livio sharply inhales, his breath burning in his throat.
Small specks of blood surround his hole and Livio tries to wipe them off, but he’s too afraid to cause him pain. However, he still traces the tissue gently over the surface of the prince’s skin. Livio silently gags, less in disgust and more in worry and horror and pure, unfiltered guilt.
Gion reassures Livio that it’s fine once he realizes it, tells Livio that it would heal, that the bleeding was natural.
Livio knows he’s lying all over again, but it’s more troublesome to find the truth, so he stays silent and wraps his hands around Gion’s bare chest.
NSFW END!
***********
Livio has a hunch.
Well, less of a hunch, more of a gut feeling. A feeling that Gion isn’t okay, and he’s keeping it to himself.
Again.
Sometimes, Livio just wishes Gion would tell him straight up. Tell him that he was feeling a bit upset, so Livio could comfort him and reassure him that everything would be fine while his mind reeled to find a solution to the issue. He wanted to hold the prince in his arms and whisper words of consolation to him like a child.
But it’s never that easy, is it?
Gion seems more distant, more irritated yet stiff. Livio desperately wants to comfort him but he refuses to open up. Simple as that.
And it’s stupid , in its own right.
So Livio tries, and tries, and tries to speak to Gion and make him let his emotions out.
But he refuses. He pulls away, his eyes never meeting Livio’s. He lashes out and god, it hurts.
And everytime he does it, Livio thinks he might break because he’s trying so hard to care and he knows something is wrong- but he can’t do anything about it except keep trying.
Then again, he understood that prince Gion needed personal space, so he-....
He didn’t really stop, did he?
And it’s on a cool night when Livio is about to get some rest when Gion stumbles to his side, clinging onto his arm as he doesn’t say a word, but buries his head in Livio’s chest.
It makes Livio feel all warm and fuzzy for a moment, and that moment of happiness is enough for him, so he reciprocates and closes his arms around Gion in a hug. He feels a dampness on his shirt and hesitates, exhaustion washing over him again. He jerks himself awake, and pulls Gion closer, kissing his forehead gently as he whispers reassurances in his ear.
The prince leans into the hug, shivering and pale, and tears spill from his eyes, trickling down his flushed face. Livio doesn’t let go.
When Gion finally has the courage to pull back a little, Livio notices the tear streaks on his cheeks and his heart cracks a little. He kisses Gion’s cheek and asks him what happened.
Gion pauses, stutters for a bit, then finally speaks his mind. And of course Livio listens, of course he holds Gion tighter and comforts him.
But his grip weakens every once in a while as exhaustion comes crashing over him and his body goes limp, then he jerks himself awake and rubs his eyes. Gion stays by his side the whole night, sleeps in his bed while Livio watches over him, worrying and worrying until the dead of night when he collapses onto the other end of the bed.
It’s small moments like those that make Livio feel better about their relationship, because even if Gion hurts him, at least they share small, intimate moments that reassure Livio that everything will work out.
But he doesn’t deny that it’s draining. To be constantly shoved away and hurt. To give affection that he sometimes doesn’t receive back.
He shoves the thought out of his head. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He is dating prince Gion now. He had always wanted to date his highness and never thought it would be a reality. So now that he had it, nothing else mattered.
Even if he was being hurt.
Because that wasn’t Prince Gion’s fault, was it? Prince Gion didn’t learn how to express his feelings, didn’t grow up knowing how to love someone (if prince Gion did actually love him, of course.), and it wasn’t his fault. It is never his fault. Nothing was his fault.
So Livio stays by his side. Livo gives and gives and gives all of himself to please Gion, to make Gion happier. Anything to see him feel better, (Livio doesn’t doubt that he’d do anything to help the prince).
And when Livio doesn’t feel okay, he keeps quiet, because that’s alright. He doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone. Feelings were just feelings, so he plasters on a smile and breaks down to himself in private. Even then it feels like overreacting. (Who said his feelings were important anyways?)
He’s found some semblance of love, so he clings to it, even if it burns a hole in his heart that he can’t heal. Because it’s all that he has, all that he’ll ever have.
It’s tiring. But he continues doing it, continues refusing to blame the prince, continues getting pushed away when he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong, continues giving , until he has nothing left.