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Whistlers, stop everything! Close the schools! Block traffic! Lock yourself in your houses! Take refuge in the mountains! The unthinkable has happened! The world has just stopped spinning!
After two long years, what the Hummers, nay, the whole world was waiting for, has finally arrived! Last night, at precisely 3:02 a.m., a surprise album from The Humming called Soul Battles landed on our streaming platforms!
The Banksy of music will undoubtedly leave his mark on the culture of our time with this latest opus!
Shooting all around him into a strangely coherent whole, he denounces the inequalities of our time through poignant lyrics and catchy melodies. When was the last time you danced with your fists raised and shouted your indignation at the Tvziak massacre? This author predicts that this collaboration with international star Michi Urbana will undoubtedly become the summer's hit. But have no fear, dear Whistlers; our mysterious artist also addresses less political themes such as mourning, break-ups, and discovery of oneself and the world and collaborates with a range of legendary artists like Jonathan Groove, Melody Rivers, Distorted Cults and DJ Apos.
For those who may have lived in a cave for the past five years, The Humming is a multi-instrumentalist musical artist who smashed the global music scene in 2019 with his album The Odyssey and his hit Thrills in the Park. Since then, the world has been speculating about the artist's identity. No collaborator, technician or distributor ever managed to speak to the artist face to face, and no speculation about his identity came to light. Certainly, impersonators and fake accounts have tried to hijack his name, but the artist's official accounts have always denied these allegations. The best detectives will have pinpointed British notes in his intonations, but this is probably all we know about him.
All that remains to be seen is whether your favourite author will be able to solve this mystery!
Yours truly
Lady Whistledown
“Have you heard it?”
Penelope stopped her movement halfway between her bowl of cereal and her mouth, large drops of milk splashing onto her kitchen table. She should have known the moment she got up that morning that Eloise would rush in after sleeping at her fiancé’s house to announce the release of The Humming's new album. Although she greatly appreciated the artist – he had soothed numerous heartbreaks with his dark ballads – she did not cultivate an obsession with him as it did with Eloise or other Hummers for whom life revolved around discovering who was hiding behind the mystery voice.
“Of course, I’ve heard it!”
“Have you ever heard anything so poignant? The album has only been out for 5 hours, and I've already completely listened to it at least thrice!”
“I never thought that one day I would hear Eloise Bridgerton be obsessed with a singer, a man, nonetheless. Where is the woman who chained herself to an oak tree to prevent it from being cut down, only to realise two days later that no one had ever intended to do so?”
Penelope was teasing her friend, and Eloise knew it. The tree story, which occurred a few weeks into her second year at Oxford, had been resolved while Eloise prepared her chains. She was there only two hours before someone came to warn her that plans had changed and the tree was safe. Ironically, it fell on its own during a storm a few days later.
Penelope didn't know precisely when Eloise started being obsessed with the singer and his music. During the pandemic, isolated for a few weeks in their slightly too small apartment, they took refuge in his songs to find a little joy in their existence. This state of well-being pleased her so much that shortly afterwards, she began to seek a little more comfort in his more obscure productions. She had found an online community dedicated only to The Humming, the discovery of his identity and the hidden meaning behind his songs.
“I have often told Philip that although I adore him and would never think of cheating on him if The Humming were before me, I'm not sure I could resist him. I'm almost ashamed to say that this man erases all traces of feminism in me when he sings.”
“I'm sure your fiancé must be ecstatic to hear that,” Penelope said, swallowing a large mouthful of her bowl of cereal.
“Do you know what annoys me?”
“I do not know. But I suppose your crazy obsession for The Humming annoys your fiancé.”
“How did Lady Whistledown manage to publish her article just 10 minutes after the album's release? Even though I'm The Humming's biggest fan, I don't stay up all day and night waiting for a surprise album to come out!”
“She probably had privileged access to the album. It is not uncommon for journalists to be able to view a work a few hours, or even a few days in advance, to be able to advertise it as soon as it is released, and the embargo is lifted.”
“Yes, but Lady Whistledown is just an influencer who spreads gossip. She's not exactly a Pulitzer winner.”
“Apparently, she's popular enough that The Humming deigned to send her his album in advance.”
Eloise stopped talking and crossed her arms. Although she loved her friend tenderly, her implacable logic and unbearable calm led her to concede an argument that she had always despised.
Eloise's eyes widened, and an enigmatic smile that did not bode well appeared on her lips.
“I have an idea! If Lady Whistledown knows The Humming, she can lead us to him”
“Do you really think Lady Whistledown would jeopardise her career just to please us?”
“Not voluntarily, of course, but we could become friends and influence her to give us information about him.”
“There's a major flaw in your plan,” Penelope said, getting up to take her bowl of cereal to the sink. “We would have to start by finding out who is behind Lady Whistledown, which seems to me a task as complex as catching The Humming”.
Pouting again as she conceded another point to her friend, Eloise sat at the table, grabbed a handful of cereal from the box and looked at her phone.
“Ugh!” she complained. “I forgot it was Sunday brunch at Aubrey Hall.”
“Come now, you know like me how much you love your family.”
“Not when Philip isn't there to distract my brothers from the fact that I made the horrible choice to go to Oxford instead of Cambridge.”
“Philip won't be there?”
“No, the twins had a swimming competition,” she sighed before having a new, and much better idea. “You should come with me! You could be the distraction I need to manage to bet with Hyacinth, who, among my older brothers and sisters, will be next to have a new baby.”
Penelope turned back to her friend and stared at her to see if she was serious. The subject of the Bridgerton family had been a sensitive one for several months, and Penelope had done everything to avoid them when they were invited to the same event. When Eloise looked up from her phone, realising she was asking her friend to overlook most of her principles, she sent her one of those pitiful looks that Penelope couldn't resist.
“Okay,” Penelope replied with a forced smile.
“Just a heads up, Colin should be there.”
Penelope grimaced.
“Come on, Pen, I don't know what happened between you and my brother to stop you talking to each other, but don't you think it's time to reconcile?”
“If he wants to reconcile, he knows exactly what to do. I have nothing to be blamed for in this story. For my part, I could easily go the rest of my life without ever speaking to Colin Bridgerton again.”
Suddenly freezing as she brought another handful of cereal to her mouth, Eloise widened her eyes as her jaw slackened.
“You slept with my brother!”
“What? No! Obviously not! I never slept with Colin! What are you talking about?”
“Now that I understand the truth, everything is so clear! You fucked my brother, and you never recovered from the next day’s awkwardness!”
Penelope abruptly closed the cabinet door where she had placed her now clean bowl and approached her best friend, staring into her eyes.
“I didn't sleep with Colin.”
“I don't see what else could have happened to make you suddenly stop talking to each other. You and him were almost inseparable. There was even a pool for when you would start dating.”
She hadn't expected to hear these words from her friend's mouth. Yet they had been uttered, and Penelope felt a little pinch in her heart. She had never admitted to anyone the crush she always had on Colin growing up. She had to assume now that she hadn't been as subtle as she imagined in expressing her feelings if the other Bridgertons had once gambled on their relationship.
She snatched the cereal box from her friend and placed it in the pantry.
“We didn’t sleep together,” she muttered. “You know there are many reasons why friends stop talking to each other. I clearly remember a time when my family was going through a crisis, and you kept bugging me about The Humming. I started yelling at you like you were one of my sisters.”
“I didn't talk to you for weeks after that.”
“As you see, there are many other reasons why two friends can quarrel without it being a sexual issue.”
“So, I guess there's no good reason you wouldn't want to join us for Sunday brunch, even if it means seeing my brother.
Penelope sent her friend a murderous look, turned on her heel and hurried down the corridor, giving her the middle finger.
“Where are you going?”
“Putting on a stupid dress to go to your stupid brunch!” Penelope shouted from her room. “You pay for gas.”
“Thank you, I love you.”
“Say that again.”
“I owe you one.”
“That’s better.”
The drive through the idyllic countryside of Kent, where Aubrey Hall was located, was uncomfortably silent. On one side of the car, Eloise was playing The Humming album on a loop with stars in her eyes. On the other side, Penelope watched the scenery pass by, trying to calm her frazzled nerves.
It had been five months, three weeks and two days since she last spoke to Colin. Five months, three weeks and two days of radio silence from him. Five months, three weeks and two days where she hadn't even tried to contact him
Dozens of scenarios flashed through her head. In most of them, they ignored each other and pretended like nothing had happened. In some, he was deeply apologetic for how he had acted the last time they saw each other. In a few, the least likely ones, he confessed to her that he was in love with her and that life without her was not worth living.
Penelope snorted. She couldn't understand how things had turned so drastically. In less than fifteen minutes, they had gone from best friends to enemies, and not a single word had been spoken to make that happen.
Eloise turned down a private road, and Penelope saw for the first time in months the mansion where she had so many good memories and one very unhappy one.
“I think my mother is waiting for you,” announced Eloise when she saw Violet Bridgerton waiting at the bottom of the grand staircase.
“How did she know I was going to be there?”
“I text her. She keeps telling me how much she misses you. I didn't want her to miss the opportunity to welcome you as she wanted.”
Penelope rolled her eyes. If Eloise had decided to use Penelope as a distraction from her mother to avoid being reminded that she still didn't live with her fiancé, she was well on her way to doing so.
As soon as the car stopped, Penelope plastered a smile and immediately walked towards Violet's outstretched arms. She had always adored her friend's mother. She was everything her own mother was not: generous, endearing, and ready to make any sacrifices to ensure her children's happiness.
“Oh, Penelope! What a joy to finally see you again!”
“Mrs Bridgerton, it's a pleasure.”
“Please, call me Violet. We've already covered the subject thousands of times! How happy I am to see you. It's been forever. Why haven't we seen you for so long?”
“I guess I must have been busy,” she lied, stepping out of her embrace.
“I don't believe it for a second, but I'll scold Colin later. Everyone is excited to have you join us for our brunch! Although you won't be able to distract me from the fact that Eloise is coming without her fiancé. Tell me, does she still live with you?”
She sent an apologetic look to her friend, who rolled her eyes as she followed them.
The mansion hadn't changed since the last time she set foot there. The great hall was still fabulous with its columns and grand staircase. It was decorated with thousands of flowers of fantastic colours and smells. Penelope really missed this place.
Violet guided them towards the drawing room, where the other Bridgertons were waiting. In a corner, Simon and Anthony discussed business while Daphne kept a motherly eye on the kids running around the room. She was chatting with Kate, who, from time to time, cast sulfurous looks at her partner. Sophie and Gregory were in a deep conversation about gaming. But, immediately as she entered, Penelope's gaze was directed towards the piano.
As was her habit, Franny played soft ambient music under the tender gazes of John, her husband, and Colin marked the cadence with the tip of his middle finger, while the rest of his body seemed overtaken with a nervous energy.
Penelope felt her heart tighten in her chest. He seemed to have changed since the last time she saw him. And not in the good sense.
He was thinner, but somehow also more robust. His once plump face had melted so that his now high cheekbones accentuated his blue eyes, which she had always found phenomenal. But he was still….not Colin.
He was always so vigorous and loose and full of life. However now, he appeared sad, as if his life was irrevocably jaded.
His phone buzzed, and he immediately glanced at it, frowning with a strangely satisfied look before looking up at her. His face lost all its colour, and she knew that he, too, had just had flashbacks of their last meeting.
“Penelope!” Hyacinth greeted her enthusiastically by pulling her into a tight hug.
Soon, all the Bridgertons stood to welcome her. All except one.
This one stayed behind and smiled wistfully as he kept his eyes glued to the floor.
It was good to see her friends again after so long. She gradually learned that Daphne was pregnant again, which cost Eloise five pounds, that Anthony was about to acquire a new production company, that Benedict had just sold a painting for an impressive sum to a Saudi billionaire and that Gregory was enthusiastic about starting Eton in the fall. However, it was the news about Frannie that surprised everyone.
“What do you mean you played on The Humming album?” asked a jealous Eloise.
“How did this happen?” Sophie asked in a whisper.
“It's pretty simple. One day, I received an email from a man claiming to work for The Humming. He told me he had heard me play at Uni and wanted to collaborate on his next album.”
“YOU WERE IN THE SAME ROOM AS THE HUMMING?” Eloise almost shouted.
“You were there too, El,” Penelope reminded her.
“Shit,” she muttered while Frannie, familiar with her older sister's dramatic tendencies, continued her story.
“He sent me the scores of Stupid …”
“Ah! It’s my favourite song from the album,” adds Sophie.
“And after John looked at the contract, I showed up at the studio, played my part, and accompanied his singing during the song.”
Penelope couldn't decide if her friend was impressed or incredibly jealous—probably a bit of both. Knowing the impact this music would probably have on popular culture, she could not deny the doors this kind of collaboration would open for Franny.
“What was he like?” she asked after a short silence.
“I haven't met him!” protested Frannie, blushing. “I haven't even had a face-to-face conversation with him, but I can clearly hear my piano in Stupid.”
“Weren't you curious?” Penelope asked. “I would have given my right hand to find out who he was.”
“I was kind of hoping he would be there when I went to the studio, but no. If he was there, it was behind closed doors and double-tinted windows.”
“I don't understand such a desire to remain anonymous,” Penelope whispered. “Lya showed her face to DJ Apos when she recorded songs for him. I do not understand why he stays hidden.”
“After what happened to Dad, I can understand why” Frannie added.
Penelope pursed her lips, aware that she had just made a mistake. She kept forgetting that the family patriarch had once been an excellent singing star and had died in an attack that changed the family's destiny.
“Sorry,” she apologised, full of remorse. “I didn't mean to...” Frannie gave her a tight smile and accepted her apology with a nod. “I suppose that exposing himself to his colleagues increases the risk of being discovered.”
“And hordes of delirious fans running behind him in the streets,” Sophie chipped in with.
“I know that if I had the chance, I would climb him like a tree and do a whole range of unthinkable things to him.” Eloise said much louder than she expected.
“Please, Eloise, stop,” they heard coming from outside the circle.
Everyone turned towards Colin who was pouring a drink behind them and had listened to the conversation.
“Who asked for your opinion?” Eloise asked before rolling her eyes. “Jeez, one would have thought that you, who fuck your way around the world, would have had less qualms about hearing about my sex life.”
“First, don’t be vulgar! Second, it's not your sex life that disgusts me but your fantasies. Does Philip know you dream about a faceless singer when he's not there?”
“Not that the details of my arrangement with my fiancé are any of your business, but yes, he knows that The Humming is my first choice of stars to fuck.”
“Stop, I’m begging you.” Colin said again
“He is comfortable with it enough so that I can spend entire evenings listening to The Humming as one listens to erotic songs.”
“I think I'm going to be sick,” Colin sighed before walking away. “And for your information, I don't fuck my way around the world.”
“That's exactly what someone who fucks his way around the world would say!” she shouted behind him, which earned her a middle finger. “What's the matter with him?”
“Maybe he's trying to protect his little sister's virtue.”
“Poor him; that ship has sailed a long time ago. It’s docking off the coast of Australia at the moment.”
Penelope looked up suspiciously at her former friend, who grimaced at hearing his sister talk so openly about her sex life and found a little unhealthy pleasure in his discomfort.
“Mummy, mummy!” cried Charlie, approaching his mother. “Alexander has a boo-boo!”
“Duty calls,” Sophie sighed, getting up to follow her son while we heard the toddler's cries in the distance.
“I’ll go with you,” added Francesca, running behind her sister-in-law.
“And there were two,” announced Eloise. “You want something to drink? I think my mother had mimosas made by the staff.”
Penelope shook her head. Even though a drink seemed more than tempting, she didn't want to be alone. She loved this family, but after several months of silence, she wasn't sure she could explain her absence without revealing the real reasons.
She was going to say something to Eloise when she was cut off by her phone.
“Shit, it’s Philip,” Eloise swore, looking at the screen. “I have to answer.”
“Of course.”
Suddenly, she found herself alone. She gave a small smile to Anthony, who nodded to her from across the room. She watched Hyacinth and Gregory competing in a fierce chess game and Kate consoling one of her crying children in a corner.
She felt his presence beside her. She closed her eyes and sighed. That was why she didn't want to be alone in this room. She knew that Colin would sit next to her at the first opportunity.
“Hi Pen.”
“Colin,” she replied dryly, staring at the floor.
“I heard you got promoted,” he tried to start a conversation.
“It's just a decoration column. I will not exactly interview the Prime Minister tomorrow.”
“But you are moving up the hierarchy. It's good.”
A dull, irritated anger rose within her. She felt her jaw clench and her muscles tense. He shouldn't address her like that, as if nothing had happened between them.
She turned around and looked him straight in the eyes. She could read all his contrition there, the pain of having destroyed their friendship, but she was too angry with him to be coaxed by a tender look.
“We are still far from my most extravagant fantasies,” she told him before getting up and heading towards the youngest siblings.
“Pen!” he implored, but she ignored him. She didn't want to talk to him, much less listen to his reasoning. There was no excuse for his behaviour that day or for saying what he really thought of her, but he didn't need to say it to her face.
Brunch had all the makings of a perfect meal. The food was excellent, and the company was even better. Penelope suspected this was probably because Violet had thought it appropriate to place them at either ends of the table so that, except for his laughter, sometimes echoing around the room, she would never have known that Colin was in the same room as her. She could, however, hear a hint of sadness in his voice. Over time, she had learned to recognise his genuinely happy laughter. Today, Colin's were empty.
“So, Penelope,” said Kate, biting into a piece of fruit. “I heard you had a promotion.”
“This is just the decoration column. I read decoration magazines, interview designers and talk about trends. I am still far from investigative journalism.”
“And you will finally be able to publish in Queen Charlotte?” Hyacinth enthused.
“Just on the web, but maybe one day…” she smiled.
“Shit!” cried Eloise beside her.
“What is going on?” Violet worried.
“Amanda slipped on the water near the pool and may have broken her ankle,” Eloise muttered, keeping her eyes fixed on her phone. “Mom, I'm sorry, I have to go. Philip needs my help.”
“Of course, my darling!”
“Pen, do you think…”
“I can bring her back.”
All faces turned towards Colin, who quickly uttered these words, raising his hand like a nerd trying to impress his teacher. Eyebrows furrowed, mouths parted, and eyes flashed. Every member of the Bridgerton family knew that something had happened between her and Colin. This had been as clear as day, even without evidence. They didn't go from close friends seeing each other almost every day to distant acquaintances who avoided each other like the plague in such a short time.
“What a great idea!” Violet exclaimed, holding back so as not to clap her hands.
Eloise turned to her friend, embarrassed to ask her to choose so quickly. The meal had barely started, and she hadn't managed to eat more than two mouthfuls. With at least an hour's drive, more if you count the traffic and the difficulty of finding parking in London on a Sunday afternoon, neither of them would likely be able to eat anything for several hours and would probably be stuck away from home for a very long time.
“Go,” Penelope encouraged. “I’ll get a lift from Colin.”
“Are you sure?”
“I won’t eat her,” his brother rolled his eyes.
“Pen?” Eloise insisted, ignoring her brother's remark.
“It will be fine” she smiled sadly. “Go and…….take care of your offspring.”
“She’s not my offspring,” Eloise clarified before kissing her friend on the cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I owe you one.”