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The base is thumping by the time Buck arrives at the bar, the heat of the room hitting him heavily in his chest when he takes a deep breath and steps over the threshold. The 118’s idea of celebrating Halloween has, historically, been surrounded by plans of trick-or-treating, school party nights, or, if you’re a poor, unlucky soul, stuck working a shift. It’s never been outrageous, drunken nights of partying, knocking back shots, and dancing wildly, Buck hasn’t experienced one of those nights with his friends for a very, very long time. With Christopher, Denny, and Jee-Yun, there’s been a steady trend of finding themselves in bed by 10 pm, including on Halloween weekend, which, honestly, Buck loves. There’s nothing like binging his bodyweight in candy or watching a creepy movie while Eddie frowns half-hidden behind a blanket for the evening while Chris laughs or getting to dress Jee up in a cute little bee costume and take approximately fifty thousand pictures of her. It’s just that Chris is older now, doing his own thing with Denny and Harry at Michael and David’s place, and Jee’s with the Lees for the weekend, and so it’s kind of the universe’s way of telling everyone they have to do something fun this year. All of them, Buck and Eddie, Hen and Karen, Ravi, Chimney and Maddie, and even Bobby and Athena could make an appearance the weekend before Halloween at a bar party; nothing short of a miracle.
“The universe isn’t telling you guys anything,” Eddie grumbled while they were on shift earlier that week, discussing their plans, but Buck shushed him while Ravi shook his head at Eddie, disappointed.
The music at the bar is filled with crowd favorites, and the party is clearly underway, drinks being handed around like cheap change and laughter booming as people dance and kiss and sing. Buck’s gliding through the crowd, eyes looking out to catch anyone he knows. There’s a glimpse of Lucy wrapped around Lena, the two of them dressed up as Daphne and Fred from Scooby Doo, both dancing closely to the beat. Buck smiles, but his heart jumps slightly in his chest, a smarting sensation there as he watches the happy couple that he can only tap back to Tommy. Tommy, who was meant to come here with him, but –
“Buck!” Hen yells, her grin wide as she tips her drink at him and accidentally spills some on the floor. Karen swoops into right her wife’s hand, shaking her head indulgently. “About time,” Hen comments, taking a sip from her drink, none the wiser as Karen straightens the straw in Hen’s direction for her.
The three of them exchange hugs and Buck leans back with his hands on either Wilson’s shoulder, looking at their costumes. Karen looks like a bottle of glitter has been dumped all over her, her hair piled up on top of her head, and she looks paler than usual, while Hen’s got a tattoo scribbled on her arm and is in jean shorts.
“No,” Buck starts in dawning realization, but Hen cackles.
“Oh, Buckaroo, you are looking at Forks, Washington’s hottest gay couple,” Hen waggles her eyebrows, and Buck laughs loudly. Hen twirls Karen around, and Buck watches them, dressed as Edward Cullen and Jacob Black, exchange a sweet kiss. Buck casts a look to the side and immediately catches Maddie and Chimney at the bar, almost impossible to miss now he’s spotted them. They’re in neon pink ’70s outfits, and Chimney’s got a bright blonde wig on his head as he pulls out some atrocious robot dance moves that have Maddie crying. A drag queen next to them whoops, and Chimney blushes so vividly red at the attention but doesn’t stop. If anything, it looks like he tries harder to impress the audience around him.
Leaving Barbie and Ken at the bar for the moment, Buck’s attention comes back as he’s handed a shot by Karen, who chants drink, drink, drink at him. Buck’s loath to disappoint Edward Cullen, so he downs the shot and shakes his head at the sting. He wants to loosen up, try to shed the skin he’s been walking around with for the last few weeks, and have a good time just for one night.
Ravi bops along to them, a round of adorable little black cat mugs held precariously in his hands that he distributes to them all. His costume, a risqué version of a peasant’s outfit, is hanging off his shoulders, a deep V tunic cutting to his abs and the sleeves ripped off. Buck quirks an odd look at him.
“Human Shrek?”
Ravi sighs.
“The Green Knight? Dev Patel? Ring any bells?” At Buck’s blank stare, Ravi’s shoulders droop. “Why does no one get it?” Ravi groans, and Buck places a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“It’s alright, Probie,” Buck consoles as Ravi takes a large gulp from his drink, the man’s eyes scanning the dance floor furtively before lighting up.
“Be back… later. Maybe.” And then Ravi’s off, his target acquired in the shape of a person dressed up as Doctor Who who’s dancing around their friends poorly.
Sipping from his mug that has a too-sweet cocktail inside, Buck turns back to Hen and Karen, who are swaying on the spot, and they chat for a little while before Maddie and Chim finally make their way back to them. Buck tucks Maddie in for a hug as Chimney applauds him.
“Look at our little Buck, finally referencing some pop culture!” Chimney celebrates, gesturing his beer bottle at Buck’s costume.
Somewhat self-consciously, Buck tugs at the fabric and smiles sheepishly. Maddie grins widely at him, adjusting the blonde ponytail wig on her own head. “Very nice, Buck. Superman’s a good look on you,” She wraps an arm around Chimney’s waist and leans her head on his shoulder.
Buck decided to spring on a nicer material for his costume, one that wasn’t the tacky polyester blend that irritated his skin but a nice lycra that fit snugly across his chest and thighs. He honestly was impressed with how it turned out as he got dressed that evening, the giant “S” slapped on his chest, making his shoulders look even bigger than usual, wrapping around his biceps kindly.
“Thanks, Mads. Uh, Superman’s actually, you know, bisexual in one of the comics. Or his son is, but then the son grows up to also be Superman, so I thought it would be cool,” Buck explains awkwardly, but the others cheer to him, nonetheless. Buck had been planning it for a while and was glad it turned up in time for their night out. Tommy had been thinking of coming as the Hulk or Wolverine, but then…
“You guys seen Cap or Athena? They disappeared like immediately when they got here.” Chimney asks, and Maddie whips her head around to look. Hen snorts.
“You might not want to know,” Hen says cryptically, and then Buck sees what she means and starts saying ew, ew, ew ew, and the others turn to look where Buck’s staring.
Over in the corner on the other side of the bar, dressed as Hercules and Meg, is Bobby and Athena. And they are clearly having a good time, given how their faces are plastered together, and there’s a fair attempt of their hands grabbing whatever’s in reach, public decency be damned. Maddie throws a hand up to her mouth as Chimney guffaws, and Hen knocks her drink back as Karen’s eyes widen. Buck starts fake-retching and turns back around quickly, finishing his drink with a wince.
Putting his mug down, Buck looks around one more time. Nearly everyone’s here, but one person’s clearly missing. He keeps looking around but comes up short again. He’s debating excusing himself and checking the bathrooms when Maddie comes up to him as Chimney launches into an argument with Hen about them not doing a couple’s costume this year. I’m just saying we’re basically platonic soulmates, Hen, we should be Bert and Ernie. It would be so cute, come on!
“You looking for Eddie?” Maddie asks tentatively; her voice pitched low right in Buck’s ear over the bass thrumming in their veins. Buck clenches his jaw, his heart jackhammering in his throat, and he swallows a few times, willing himself to calm down. It was that obvious, jeez. Buck’s meant to be letting his proverbial hair down tonight, and so far, he’s managed to take a shot, down a drink, and obsess about where his best friend is.
Swiping Chimney’s beer from his hands, Buck takes a big swig, but Chim yelps and snatches it back, attempting to chug it himself but coughing halfway through. Hen pats his back as Karen hands Buck a cup of water instead. Buck fiddles with it as Maddie stares him down. Buck’s had a lifetime to build resilience to his big sister’s stares, but he’s still as weak as the day he was born to them. He shies away, hums to himself, and pretends as though he finds the walls of the bar interesting as Maddie glares at the side of his head. She grabs his arm and shoves him just a little further back into a slightly quieter side of the bar, ignoring his protests.
“Maddie, what the hell? I bruise like a peach,” Buck rubs his forearm where she gripped him, and she rolls her eyes.
“Not true. And don’t change the subject.”
“There’s no subject.”
“Evan.”
“Magdalene.”
Maddie sighs. “That isn’t my legal name.”
“It’s not fair that you have a full name card you can use on me, what can I do?”
“Fine, fine. You can say that.”
“Thanks. Anyway, leave it alone, Magdalene.”
“Ugh,” Maddie says, folding her arms over her chest. “You’re being impossible, Evan. I’m telling you, yet again, that you should go for it. This is Eddie Diaz we’re talking about. Putting-you-in-his-will, Eddie Diaz. Trusts you with his son’s life, Eddie Diaz. You’re both single now, both clearly attracted to each oth-” Maddie argues, but Buck interrupts, his hand going to Maddie’s mouth in desperation for her to stop.
“It’s not like that, and you know it. Eddie’s my best friend. My straight best friend. And that’s fine, that’s all it is. It doesn’t matter how I feel,” Buck states, but even he knows it sounds weak to his ears. Ever since Tommy and what went down…
Maddie unfolds her arms and puts a careful hand on Buck’s shoulder, rubbing it gently as he drops his hand. “It’s okay,” Maddie says. Buck doesn’t want to pick at the scab, but he’s already doing it.
Because it’s not okay for him to tear out Tommy’s heart and play with it, it’s not okay for Buck to be in a relationship with Tommy but in love with someone else. It’s not okay for Buck to realize that horrifying thought in the middle of kissing Tommy goodnight after one of their dates. And then he just stood there, frozen while his world was shaken to its core. Because one word just kept replaying in his head and has been ever since he realized it.
Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie –
How do you go back to normal after knowing you love Eddie Diaz? You don’t. You can’t.
So, there’s no cute couple costume for Buck this year because Tommy had enough dignity to end it right there when Buck blurted out Eddie’s name in a panic as they pulled apart on Buck’s doorstep. And it’s been a few weeks now, enough for Buck to only feel the slight guilty sting when he thinks back on how it all ended with Tommy. But it’s not been anywhere near long enough for Buck to figure out how to be around Eddie normally. Because one minute he’s giggling and blushing around the man, baking cookies for him and Christopher and helping at the school’s bake sales, and the other he's locking himself in the bathroom at the station, breathing into a brown paper bag at Eddie’s biceps looking so biteable while he’s working out. Thank God for Eddie’s obliviousness because he just thinks Buck’s got a new lactose intolerance with how often he sprints to the bathroom for a break, and not just that his best friend is hopelessly in love with him.
But then there’s the Shannon-Ana-Marisol of it all, the way Eddie’s clearly looking for a mother figure in Christopher’s life, a decidedly female influence, a woman to be with and love and marry. He’s only barely broken up with Marisol, just a week earlier, coming into work and dropping that bomb on Buck’s lap as Buck made their morning coffees.
“Marisol broke up with me last night,” Eddie had said as if reading the weather. The coffee sloshed over one of their mugs and slightly scalded Buck, who tried to ignore it and shake it off, but Eddie caught it immediately and made him run it underwater first. With their hands intertwined under the kitchen sink, Buck swallowed and looked at Eddie’s profile. His sweet, rosy cheeks, his eyes and how wide they can be, the curl of his hair that dipped on his forehead, the intense look of concentration on his face as he adjusted the temperature cooler and cooler over time.
“What happened?” Buck asked hoarsely, and if it was obvious how his heart was in his throat, then Eddie either politely didn’t give it attention or never noticed it at all.
Shrugging, Eddie pursed his lips. “Eh, it just wasn’t working out. There's not much in common in the end. Figured out that when Chris wasn’t around, we had nothing to talk about, really.”
Buck furrowed his brow, trying his best to appear nonchalant as Eddie’s fingers started tracing a pattern over Buck’s own, but his heart was pounding.
“She broke up with you?” Buck blurted out, and Eddie looked up, confused.
“Yes?” Eddie finally shuts off the sink to grab a dressing for Buck’s hand. Buck misses his warmth like a missing limb.
“I mean, she ended it, not you? Uh, are you doing okay?” Buck asks, not sure he wants to hear if Eddie’s pining away for her somehow, will make some sweeping gesture to get her back or –
“Oh, no, I’m good. Long time coming and all, she just beat me to it. Besides,” Eddie finished wrapping the wound and patted Buck’s hand proudly as if he didn’t do this for a living. “She couldn’t act to save her life; she hated my cooking.”
Buck huffed out a laugh. “The rest of us might not hate your cooking, but you’re no Michelin star chef, Eds. You can’t just dump her for being polite.”
“Yeah, maybe not.” Eddie smiled bashfully and picked up their coffees as they settled on the couch together. “But you still like my food.”
Buck does. He really, really does.
But Eddie doesn’t know how much Buck likes his everything. Doesn’t get what it means to Buck to be invited for spaghetti nights, to school trips, to Pepa’s to fix her porch steps, so he’s not going to say a word. Buck knows the drill; he’ll dance, drink, and pass out in his bed, alone, at the end of the night. And most importantly, he’ll keep pretending that he isn’t reaching for someone else across the sheets in the dead of the night.
- Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie -
So, he’s going to do just that. Buck pats Maddie’s shoulder and shakes his head as he leads them back to the others. Ravi’s returned, Doctor Who-less, and seems a little down about it. Nodding to him, Buck asks. “What’s happened?”
Ravi takes a sip from his drink. “They were already taken. This sucks, why is everyone I know in a relationship?” Ravi starts talking up to the ceiling, and Buck gets the distinct impression he’s no longer involved in the conversation. “Why am I stuck with Buck and Eddie as wingmen tonight, God? Why did Lucy abandon me? What did I do wrong?”
Scowling, Buck narrows his eyes and goes to open his mouth with a retort, but Hen cuts him off. “I thought Eddie wasn’t coming tonight?” She asks Karen, confused, but Buck hears her and snaps his head towards her.
“What?” He butts in, but Karen’s widening her eyes and saying something in her expression to Hen that Buck can’t read. Hen nods slowly and pastes a placid smile on her face. Buck turns to Hen more directly. “Is Eddie’s not coming anymore? He didn’t say anything to me.”
Buck sinks a little. He’s been talking for a while about tonight, bouncing ideas with Eddie about his costume and hyping up the DJ playing and sharing his excitement that they all get to spend some time together sans responsibilities, getting messy and taking shots like they’re still young. Eddie always hummed along with Buck, always making it seem like he was coming. Is he not?
“Hmm, what? Where did you hear that?” Hen feigns bewilderment, and Buck’s mouth is ajar.
“You! You just said that, Hen!” Buck’s waving his hands around, and Maddie has to duck away from it to avoid being clocked in the face while Chimney steps back.
“No, I don’t think I did. Oh, ignore me, I’m clearly drunk, sorry,” Hen pretends to stumble on the spot, and then Karen’s got Hen’s hand in hers, and they flee over to the dance floor area, immediately wrapped around one another, heads close as they talk. Buck stares at them, completely lost.
“What just happened?” He turns back to the others, but they’re all looking as innocent as they can. Chimney’s whistling. Buck shakes his head and then disappears off to the bar, going to order another drink for himself as he feels the eyes of his friends on the back of his neck.
He checks his phone and nothing. No message from Eddie. It’s not like he’s expecting anything because he should be expecting the man to show up any minute, right?
A wave of disappointment lands in his gut, solid and churning, because yeah, Buck’s excited to see his friends and hang out, but Eddie’s so intertwined in that feeling, and knowing he might not show up, he didn’t even bother to mention it to Buck, it just sits nastily in his stomach. Buck even coordinated his costume with Christopher’s this year; they were going with superheroes and were keeping it secret from one another, but Buck was desperate to know what Chris picked and tried to bribe Eddie into spilling, but the man just smirked. Now that Buck thinks about it, Eddie kept distracting Buck every time he asked about Eddie’s costume for the party, so maybe Eddie never planned on showing up at all and didn’t know how to tell Buck…
And maybe it’s nothing; maybe Buck shouldn’t care this much, but Buck kind of agreed with Maddie, a tiny little bit deep, deep down, that maybe tonight could be different. They’re both single now, right? Maybe Eddie would want to hang out with Buck, just them, and maybe they’d have a good time together, and… Buck sighs as he lingers at the bar, alone. His phone doesn’t have any new notifications.
Bobby and Athena are still making out in the corner when Buck casts a glance around the bar. Good for them, Buck thinks morosely, and he exhales, low and deep. He loves his friends, he really does. He loves them all being happy and married with kids and not having to second guess their place in the person they love’s life and desperately hoping they aren’t being too much or fear getting caught or –
“You already order?” A voice beside Buck says, and he almost doesn’t lift his head from where it’s hanging until he hears the voice again, the man clearing his throat and repeating himself, slightly louder and closer to Buck’s ear. “Uh, you already order, or?” The voice trails off, and it has Buck’s attention.
The man beside him is decked in all black, tight fitting and distracting with the way it drapes over his chest and shoulders. Buck knows he’s staring, but the guy’s legs are thick around the thighs, and his lips are pink where Buck can see them. His head is covered by a cowl, but it still leaves his eyes visible, and they’re a pretty shade of brown that’s dark and heady in the bar’s dim lighting, and Buck isn’t sure why his brain short-circuits at the blushed cheeks and the glimpse of the guy’s tongue as it wets his lips, but it does. The traitorous voice in his head whispers how he looks a little like Edd-
“Oh, uh, no man. Not yet. Bar’s slammed,” Buck gestures with a thumb at the crowd as if the guy in front of him can’t tell. “Who knew people wanted to get drunk and disorderly on Halloween?” Buck jokes and grimaces to himself as he tries to subtly look the guy over again. “You gonna lock them up, Bruce Wayne?” Buck lets out a weak chuckle, annoyed at himself for feeling a little heated under the collar just because a hot guy was speaking to him.
It seems to not matter to the stranger since he smiles a little wider and leans in. “Eh, not a crime to get a drink with a handsome guy last time I checked, Clark Kent,” He’s smooth, the motherfucker, and Buck’s a little charmed even though he’s still thinking about Eddie, and how Eddie would have approved of Buck’s costume if he was here, and he feels his heart clinch a little because the minutes are ticking by and there’s no sign of Eddie.
Buck doesn’t really know what to do with it, with a seemingly hot guy flirting with him in a bar, still fresh from Buck’s realization that he wants to wrap himself exclusively around his best friend for the rest of his life if he can, and it takes long enough that the bartender, dressed as Frankenstein, finally comes over to them both, resting napkins in front of them and raising his eyebrows expectantly.
“Two Meichtry’s, please,” The stranger says, and he puts his card down as Buck opens his mouth to protest.
“Oh, no, I’m good for this,” Buck starts, digging into his pocket for his card, but the man doesn’t take it.
“I know you are,” The other man’s tone is playful, something to it that has a little bell ringing in Buck’s head, and it’s nagging at him, telling him to pay attention, but he can’t put his finger on why. “My treat.”
“Alright, thanks, man. Glad it’s that and not a trick,” Buck jokes again, and the other man groans good-naturedly as he shakes his head.
The stranger has a small smile on his lips as he looks at Buck, and for some reason, it has him rubbing the back of his head, clearing his throat unnecessarily. He can’t help it; he’s imagining what it would be like if Eddie looked at him like that, how it would make Buck go hot at the idea of Eddie being like this, flirting with him, leaning into him.
“Well, what’s your treat for me, then?” The guy asks Buck, and Buck feels his mouth go a little dry at the suggestive tone. The bartender slams down their drinks and is off yet again to the next person, so they grab their bottles, and Buck clinks his bottle against the other man’s. Buck takes a hefty swig immediately.
“Ah, not sure I’ve got much to offer, except maybe your next drink on me?” Buck offers, trying to keep it cool, neutral. Trying to keep his head on his shoulders. Trying to keep calm even when the guy is shoved into Buck, and their legs slot against each other, and Buck has to reach up to catch the guy’s biceps while he fumbles and is pressed up against Buck. Buck hisses as he feels the friction between them, and he likes it, goddamn it. His body is confused because it likes what’s happening, but all Buck’s mind can play on repeat is Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie –
“Oof, sorry,” The guy says, his hands landing on Buck’s waist, then sliding to his hips, slowly, dragging out the move, and it makes Buck want to shift, just a little, to chase the touch.
They both realize they’re still holding one another at the same time, and they drop their hands away from each other. Buck stretches one hand out, flexing, and runs it haphazardly through his hair, letting his curls fall wherever they want. The stranger smirks and then lightly tugs on a curl that’s fallen on his forehead.
“What, didn’t want to dye it black? Doesn’t seem like you not to go all in?” The man’s head tilted to the side, and Buck enjoyed the touch for a second before his eyes narrowed.
“How would you know, Bruce? Besides,” The stranger mouths the name, ‘Bruce?’ but Buck continues. “In one of the earliest editions of the comics, Clark Kent was blond, so I’m still somewhat accurate.”
“Alright, Clark, should have known to trust you to have done your research,” The man – Bruce, Buck decides on – smiles, holding his hands up in surrender. “This is a good look for you, though, you may want to consider it for your day job.” His eyes roam up and down Buck’s body, and Buck feels it cover him as if it were the guy’s own hands, it lights a fire in his gut.
“Uh,” Buck starts, stammering. “W-Well, I think my boss would have something to say about that.” He gestures to where he last remembered Bobby and Athena making out, and Bruce looks over his shoulder at it, squinting, before cackling.
“Oh man, that’s great,” He wheezes, and Buck’s immediately charmed by the laugh. It tingles the back of his mind, and he frowns because he thinks he recognizes it, but then it’s loud in the bar. He’s had a couple of drinks, and an attractive man is standing in front of Buck who’s been eyeing him up and putting his hands over him and buying him a beer and flirting, so maybe Buck’s just meant to enjoy the present, let his hair down, let the voice in the back of his mind, that’s a constant stream of Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie just rest for once.
Bruce settles down, and his grin slips into a genuine smile, and he seems to be looking into Buck’s eyes for something. Buck’s breath catches slightly.
“You’re alone?” Bruce asks, looking around, and Buck follows his stare, catching on Karen and Hen still dancing, now with Lucy and Lena nearby, and they’re attracting the attention of a biker group nearby, who seem pissy at having to share the dancefloor. Ravi’s knocking back a Jell-o shot with a group of Ghostbusters who cheer him on loudly, and Maddie and Chimney are trying to do karaoke, off-key and to the wrong song, set up in the corner opposite Athena and Bobby. “Oh, gotcha,” Bruce nods, taking a sip of his beer, and Buck quirks an eyebrow up at him.
Swallowing, the stranger tips his bottle in the general direction on the other side of the bar, where Buck’s friends are. “Drunk and disorderly,” Bruce notes solemnly, and Buck laughs loudly.
Buck looks down and plays with the label on his beer bottle. His stomach twists as he hears the voice in the back of his head whisper, and he misses one person so much he’s grabbing his phone and checking the notifications one more time, just in case.
Nothing.
He puts it away and takes another sip. Bruce watches.
“Waiting on someone?” He asks carefully and tilts his head. Buck pastes a tight smile on his face.
“Nah, I guess not.” Buck can feel the sharpness on his tongue at his words as they cut his mouth on their way out, and Bruce clearly sees it. It’s not like Buck’s been stood up. That would be ridiculous. This wasn’t a date. He has nothing to be upset about, aside from missing his friend. His friend’s eyes, his lips, his hair, nose, his little cauliflower ears, and –
- Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie -
Bruce bites his lip for a moment, looking away before turning back to Buck. “Maybe I’m out of line here, but whoever it is you’re thinking about, they’re not here right now for a reason, but maybe there’s someone else out there for you to think about. Maybe you should give them a chance.” It’s intense, and Buck feels a little dizzy as Bruce leans in, Buck thinks he can smell his cologne, woodsy and like amber, which makes Buck think of a pair of eyes that he could recognize in a heartbeat.
Bruce is staring into Buck’s eyes now, though he never stopped, and Buck swallows. Nods. Maybe he does need to try to move on. Maybe he needs to think about Eddie in every spare moment and have some fun. Buck drops his beer somewhere on the counter beside him and then takes a step back. Bruce falls into step with him, like he’s being pulled on a line directly from Buck, and it makes Buck feel slightly more at ease than he has been feeling. This is easy; he knows this. Buck can remember the right way to twist his hips and how to catch his hands on someone’s lower back just to tease them.
So that’s what they do. The song changes to something sultry, with deep bass and slow dulcet tones coating the bar, and couples step closer as drinks are poured directly into mouths, and Buck steps onto the dance floor with the stranger in tow. He catches Bruce’s gulp and opens his mouth, but Buck tugs on his belt and makes him fall into Buck’s space completely. The other man seems tense for a moment before he takes a deep breath, and then he’s melting into Buck, leaning into him fully. Buck simpers and puts a hand on Bruce’s lower back, the other on his waist, and Bruce raises his own hands to Buck’s biceps, clinging on as Buck grinds their hips together in a way that he finds oh so gratifying.
Buck ducks his head and dusts his lips over the other man’s throat, sad for just a moment that he can’t reach Bruce’s hair to tug on it a little because of his cowl, and for at least the next five minutes, Buck just wants to forget. He wants to pretend that his heart isn’t sick and his soul doesn’t yearn for someone so wholly unattainable. He wants to listen to his body and cut back, have fun, and feel young even though he isn’t, even though the little voice at the back of his mind keeps whispering…
Bruce seems to realize Buck’s mind is still partly preoccupied because he’s squeezing Buck’s biceps like he’s got claws clinging to him, and he’s letting out a sweet gasp that Buck likes a lot, and their legs are spread and they’re both leaning forward into one another, and it’s actually of the most erotic things Buck’s done with clothes on as he feels himself getting hard at the feel of the man’s body against his, all firm and hard and new. He knows he should pull back and not let them get too carried away for the sake of being in public, but then Bruce shifts, and his mouth is so close to Buck’s, and it’s the right shade of pink, and his eyes are the right shade of brown, and his body is so close and hot, and Buck knows it’s wrong because he’s got another man’s name on his lips still as they close the distance.
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
It’s slick and warm and makes Buck want to moan at how easy it feels to kiss this guy, easier than with Abby, or Taylor, or even Tommy. Maybe it’s the alcohol or the anonymity, but Buck sinks into it, pulling Bruce’s head this way and that way and taking, taking, taking.
The moans might be Buck’s, could just as easily be Bruce’s, but it’s vibrating between them and making Buck feel lightheaded. They don’t part for much air, just pulling back enough to head into another kiss, and another, and another. Buck latches a hand around Bruce’s neck to cup his jaw, easing his mouth open just slightly, and Bruce definitely moans as his hands tug at Buck’s hair in a fist, with Buck responding just the same with a shameful moan.
Gyrating turns to rubbing right there on the dancefloor, and they both are getting a little too heavy with it because Buck’s view of the world is closing in on this kiss, and that’s a little dangerous. He feels parched with each kiss, and he keeps going in for more, more, and Bruce pushes them a little until Buck’s off the dancefloor, and they’re necking in a darker spot of the bar, Bruce’s lips attached to Buck’s throat and sucking a nasty reminder there, and Buck can’t help but groan at it; Bruce inhaling at the noise.
“You like that?” Bruce practically growls, his voice deep and scratchy and hoarse, and Buck has a vivid flash of what else could make the man’s voice sound like that. Buck takes a deep breath as Bruce continues on the other side of his neck, and he tilts to give him access.
“Fuck, yes, fuck,” Buck pants, shamelessly rubbing up on the other man, and he pulls him up again to catch his lips and bite, licking over in an apology that has Bruce shivering.
Buck makes a split-second decision and reaches down and grabs Bruce’s thighs up, lips not separating for a moment as he smoothly pulls the man to wrap those legs around Buck’s hips. Buck turns them so he can put Bruce on the stool beside them and lock his arms behind him on the table, caging him in and leaning down to kiss Bruce with their new height difference, which Buck was right – Bruce definitely likes. Buck’s got Bruce’s hands greedily running all over his body now, legs spread wide, inviting Buck in, and Buck has a moment to think of how slutty this is, how hot and perfect it feels, how this should be him and someone else, though, wait –
- Eddie? Eddie, Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie -
It’s like cold water being poured all over him as he hears the name in his head again, like coming up for air in the middle of the ocean. Buck pulls back to see Bruce’s swollen lips and red cheeks, and he needs to explain, but then –
“We were here first, asshole, no need to push us.” Buck hears a familiar voice yell, and he turns to catch Lucy with a finger jabbed at a leather jacket-clad biker, Lena stands behind her, arms crossed. Karen’s looking between the group of them, and Hen’s brow is furrowed as she moves in front of her wife. Another biker notices and steps up, too.
Buck looks over to Ravi and sees him on the other side of the bar, by Chimney and Maddie, who have microphones in their hands, but they aren’t singing anymore. It almost looks like an argument, which is really weird because Ravi’s basically America’s sweetheart, tied alongside Karen, so it doesn’t really make sense. But then Buck follows where Ravi’s pointing and sees Bobby and Athena have finally parted from one another’s faces and rejoined society, but it’s only because Bobby’s shoving a guy away from a group of college students who are huddled around one of their friends, and Athena’s got a steady hand on a shaking girl’s shoulder as some random guy yells back in Bobby’s face. Buck watches as Chimney and Maddie split from Ravi, the couple heading to Bobby and Athena as Ravi joins Lucy and Hen, and Buck takes half a second to decide which side he needs to go to when a biker takes a swing at Lucy and Buck’s crossing the bar in rapid time.
Buck misses the way Bruce tells him, “You go, I got it here.” He misses Bruce, but he still gets up and moves over to Bobby’s side, pulling the other guy back and shoving him out of the bar, Bobby and Chimney following. He misses Bruce, but he still checks his phone and sees a text from his son, telling him that he should probably go home because his friend’s been throwing up and asking if his dad can pick him up.
Buck doesn’t miss the text he finally gets, the one he was waiting for all night. He’s got a bruised rib trying to dodge the fist aimed his way from the biker group, and he’s just split a cab with Hen and Karen, dropping them back first since Denny needs to be picked up earlier than planned from Michael and David’s, poor Harry apparently got sick, and Buck reads the message. It’s from Eddie.
It just says one word.
Raincheck?
***
After peeling himself from his costume, ducking his head under the cold water from his shower, and putting some ice on his ribs, Buck settles on his couch and groans, head in hand.
He feels awful. His body hurts, his head hurts, his heart hurts.
Buck hovers a thumb over Eddie’s message, wants to call him, wants to go over and see him, ask him why he ditched them, where was he tonight? He wants to text, tell him that he missed him, he’s always missing him, when Eddie goes home at the end of the day or when he goes to the bathroom at work, or when he reads a book sat right next to Buck, he’s just always missing him.
Then he wants to beg and plead, ask Eddie to make the feelings go away and stop being so perfect in his dumb way, and stop paying attention to Buck because it makes his hopes go up, and he wants to shake Eddie’s shoulders and ask for peace. Wants to confess, tell Eddie that he’s hopelessly, fully, sickeningly in love with him, sick to his stomach with his heart’s desires, and he doesn’t know how to let it go.
He puts the phone down.
It buzzes again. Buck swipes to see the message. You okay? Get home alright? Eddie asks.
Reading it over and over, Buck isn’t sure what to put.
No, I had my tongue down a stranger’s throat, and I could only think of your name.
My heart wants to rip itself from my chest and live in your hands.
I feel like we could be good together if you could just want me back.
He backspaces and then just replies Yeah, I’m home.
Without thinking too much about it, Buck adds I’ll see you at work tomorrow and locks his phone again, dropping it to the table.
It buzzes one more time for the night.
Okay, I’m glad. We can talk then. Goodnight, Buck. Sweet dreams.
He’ll have to figure out how to say it, probably by tomorrow. Because Buck isn’t sure how much longer he can keep his heart locked in when it’s been slowly crawling its way up his throat and into his mouth, and sooner or later, the words will come out, and Eddie will sit there and have pity in his eyes as he tells Buck he’s sorry, I’m not interested, I don’t like men like that Buck, remember? But they’re best friends still, right? Nothing has to change.
Right. They’ll always be best friends. And Buck will smile, and they’ll hug, and Buck will try to move on for the rest of his life.
Buck doesn’t sleep well that night, knocking back a painkiller and trying to turn his brain off, but he just sees amber eyes in his mind. Rosy cheeks, bruised lips, and a beer bottle that sits abandoned on a bar top that matches the same brand in his fridge.
***
It’s already become something to laugh at as Buck comes into work. Hen and Chimney giggling in the changing room as Bobby stands there, frowning, nearly pouting.
“God, I wish I could have seen it. Instead, I was this close to decking a misogynist.” Hen sighs, and Chimney snorts.
“Yeah, it was pretty impressive. The college kids were so in love with Cap that one guy even tried to slip his number to him. Thought Athena was gonna lose a lung she was laughing so hard,” Chimney teased, and Bobby flushed.
Flustered, Bobby frets and then watches Buck walk in and wave a hand to him, turning everyone’s attention around. “Well, Buck was well occupied, if I’m not mistaken,” Bobby accuses, uncharacteristically, and both Hen and Chimney start slapping at one another. Bobby’s hiding a smirk behind his fist as the other two grin at Buck, and then Bobby’s mouthing ‘Sorry,’ but he doesn’t look the slightest bit apologetic.
“Well, well, well, sorry we ended up breaking apart the love birds of the evening,” Hen coos, getting up to pull an arm over Buck’s shoulder, and he sighs heavily as Chimney opens his mouth.
“I’m sure it’ll be the first of many disgusting public displays of affection from those two,” Chimney smacks his gum and waggles his eyebrows. “Maddie was about to blow up your phone when I told her, you’re lucky I told her to give you a minute to enjoy your newfound bliss, but you owe her and me big time.” Chimney claps Buck on the shoulder, and Hen squeezes Buck’s cheeks.
“I knew it! Well, Karen told me it was going to happen anyway, but I still knew it!” She gloats, and Buck’s confused as he turns to Bobby, looking for anything to help him parse out the utter jargon he’s hearing. Bobby shrugs his shoulders, a content smile on his face. Hen goes inside the station, and Chimney follows while Bobby clears his throat, just the two of them are left in the changing room.
Buck opens his locker and starts to put his things away when Bobby steps closer, putting his own hand on Buck’s shoulder.
“I’m happy for you, Buck. Both of you. I’m really proud of you guys.” He says, so sincere and genuine that Buck doesn’t even have a chance to ask what the hell he’s on about before Bobby pulls him into a hug and pats his back. Far be it from Buck to deny a Bobby hug, so he squeezes back, and when they pull apart, Bobby’s eyes are a little misty. He starts to jog out of there with a word about taking care of the paperwork, and Buck’s still just as lost.
Buck gets his uniform on and glances at the messages in his phone, running over the word Raincheck? Again and again and again, trying to tell his dumb heart to settle down when he finally sees him.
Eddie looks a little worse for wear, with bags under his eyes and his hair a bird’s nest. He’s rushing in the door, looking rough and mussed, and already has apologies on his lips.
“Sorry I’m late,” Buck checks the time, Eddie’s five minutes before their shift starts. “I had to pick up Chris last night from Michael’s, and then my alarm didn’t go off, and I was racing around all morning,” Eddie explains, rapid-fire trying to get his shirt on while shoving his bag into his locker. Buck watches and doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t know what to say.
The silence takes Eddie back, and he looks over at Buck expectantly. Eddie’s face falls, and he looks so upset that Buck would have thought Buck had done something to upset Eddie. Eddie clenches his jaw, tucking his shirt into his pants and looking elsewhere for a moment.
“I’m sorry, Buck, about last night…” Eddie trails off, and Buck exhales. Alright, they’re talking about it. Cool. He nods and tries to smile.
“It’s all good, Eds. We’re good, no worries.” Buck tries, attempts to punch Eddie’s shoulder with a resemblance of comradery and not the pathetic attempt that it is at trying to cover Buck’s heartache.
“Are you sure?” Eddie furrows his brow and looks unconvinced. He bites his lip, and Buck’s distracted, watching it for a moment. “I feel really bad about missing you, but it was chaos -”
Buck interrupts with a wave of his hand, stepping back and putting his hands on his hips and clenching, anything to stop from reaching out to Eddie and shaking him, begging for more, for anything he’ll give.
“Of course, no, yeah. All good. Hope Chris still managed to have some fun.” Buck clears his throat and then motions to the doors. “I’ll get us some coffee. Looks like you need it,” Buck thinks he can make a swift exit and pretend for a little while longer he isn’t a dog with a bone when it comes to Eddie, but then Eddie steps closer.
“Woah, wait,” Eddie’s finally got his uniform on, but he doesn’t look any less disheveled. If anything, the pristine uniform stands stark against his mused hair and sleep-deprived eyes. He reached out and got an arm around Buck’s bicep, and Buck had a moment to think about the last person to touch him like that, and their own brown eyes and rosy cheeks, and forced himself to shake the thought from his mind. “Oh, um.” Eddie swallows, looking at his hand on Buck, and flushes. Buck stares. “Yes. I mean, coffee is nice, but I was hoping…” Eddie trails off, looking expectantly at Buck before checking around the room and the station, eyes coming back to Buck’s face. He takes a step closer. “Well?”
Buck’s staring at him like he’s a crazy person. “Well, what?”
Eddie purses his lips and looks concerned. “I know we’re at work, and I guess we need to talk about it, but I thought, maybe…” Eddie’s eyes track Buck’s face, his confused expression, his raised eyebrows, his open mouth, and he sighs. He’s eyeing up Buck’s lips for some weird reason, and then he sighs. “You’re right, yeah. We have to talk first.” He slumps slightly, turning to close his locker door and then moving back to Buck. “Can we hide by the trucks, talk?”
Buck’s stomach is in knots, and he’s racking his brain for anything he can think of that he did that tipped off Eddie about how he feels. Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? Eddie wants to talk about Buck’s feelings, that’s why he didn’t show up yesterday, he needed space and didn’t want to deal with letting Buck down gently in front of all their friends.
Like a man sentenced to the gallows, Buck follows Eddie, who’s nervously running hands through his hair, and he has a frenetic energy to his steps, shuffling quickly over as Buck drags his feet.
They find a corner spot that’s tucked away from most of the station’s eager eyes, and at this early hour, they’ll probably have the best privacy they can ask for. Buck folds his arms and looks at Eddie, who winces.
“I heard that asshole got a punch on you from Karen, you okay?” Eddie asks worriedly, his hands hovering over Buck’s ribs and Buck inhales sharply, the thought of Eddie touching him there making him go a little bit feral.
“I’m good! Good,” Buck hastily clarifies, but Eddie still shuffles closer. Buck’s lungs feel frozen at the movement, and Eddie’s breath warms Buck’s neck from how close they are. Buck absentmindedly realizes his neck has bruises from last night, and he goes bright red, but fuck, Eddie’s going to see that immediately, everyone is, fuck.
“I’m sorry, I should have found you last night,” Eddie starts, and Buck braces for it. But I needed space, needed time to figure out how to remind you, this isn’t going to happen – “But then Bobby was dealing with that creep, so we had to pull him out, and Chris texted me, and I had to grab him, and Karen told me what happened afterward –”
“Wait,” Buck shakes his head slowly like he’s stuck in molasses. He’s shoving a hand at Eddie’s chest and pushing him back, needing a clear head to think for a moment, and Eddie’s cologne is making his head foggy. That doesn’t make any sense. It sounds like – “You were there? At the bar last night?”
Eddie falters, his whole expression blanks as if he blue-screened in real life. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, imitating Pablo, the goldfish Chris has as a pet, the one that Buck has to feed every time he visits them because the Diaz’s are always in a rush and would have half-starved the poor guy five times over by now. Chris named it Pablo Escobar, and Buck laughed for an entire afternoon over it as Eddie looked disapprovingly at the fish.
“Is that a metaphor? Yes? I was there. Of course, I was there.” Eddie says slowly, watching Buck’s expression closely.
“Oh. Did I just miss you?” Buck asks, and Eddie tilts his head to the side, watching Buck for a moment. Buck can’t read the expression on his friend’s face at all.
“Buck?”
“Yeah?”
“What did you do last night at the bar?” Eddie has a tick on his brow, and Buck wants to smooth it out, but he also thinks Eddie’s using his I’m not angry, but I’m not happy, and someone better explains something real soon voice he uses when Buck and Chris eat all the sugar in the house before he gets home, and he’s nervous.
“At the bar?” Buck asks, and Eddie nods his head tensely. “Uh, I got there, said hi to everyone, got a couple of drinks, um…” Buck doesn’t really want to say the rest out loud, especially not to Eddie, because while Buck isn’t ashamed of kissing an attractive man at a bar, he does feel foolish saying that to the man he’s in love with. Oh, don’t worry, it doesn’t mean anything. And hey, why would you worry, you aren’t even interested, so don’t sweat it!
“What else?” Eddie demands arms crossed over his chest, and Buck sweats.
“Uh, well. T-There was this guy dressed as Batman. We, um, we were talking, and, yeah, he got me a beer. We d-danced.” We made out until I lost a good amount of oxygen in my brain and nearly came in our costumes, yes, Eddie, is that specific enough? Buck pauses and watches Eddie’s face.
Eddie looks defeated. He looks like someone took his heart from his chest and stomped on it. Like someone took his favorite cup of coffee and spilled it on the floor. His eyes aren’t looking at anything specific, just staring into the distance, and his arms have fallen from his chest to his sides.
Buck steps tentatively closer, and Eddie snaps his head up, looking at Buck with the saddest eyes. Buck doesn’t move, afraid to startle Eddie and cause something to break between them, something he has no name for because he has no idea what’s going on.
Eddie murmurs, so quiet. “Who was he?”
“I don’t know,” Buck says, just as quiet, and Eddie runs an aggressive hand through his hair as he steps back, viciously pacing on the spot.
Buck waits him out, worried and watching Eddie go back and forth. He’s muttering in Spanish, and maybe Swedish, too, and then he’s back, standing in front of Buck with a face etched in stone, serious and stern and so beautiful.
Eddie’s solemn as he speaks, quiet and hoarse. “It was me.”
“Who was you?”
“Batman.”
“No, that was the guy at the bar.”
“I’m the guy at the bar.”
“But you weren’t there, Eds. You didn’t see the guy at the bar.”
“Evan Buckley,” Eddie reaches over and grabs Buck’s biceps, shaking, and huh, that feels familiar. “Evan, listen to me. I went to the bar last night. I was dressed as Batman. You talked about dressing up as Superman for weeks; of course, I wanted to match with you. I bought you an overpriced beer, the same one we always drink together, and then I flirted with you. Because you broke up with Tommy, and I broke up with Marisol, and Karen said that Maddie told her how – Anyway, it was me. I’m the guy from the bar. I’m Batman. I’m Bruce.” Eddie’s slightly panting, his chest heaving as he looks between Buck’s eyes desperately, but Buck’s brain has leaked out his ears. Because then that means –
“You’re the guy from the bar?” Buck repeats slowly.
“I’m the guy from the bar.” Eddie nods persistently.
“But I kissed him.”
“You kissed me. We kissed each other.”
Eddie’s being so patient, his thumbs rubbing along Buck’s skin. Buck’s brain is fuzzy. There’s still the voice in the back of his head, victorious and screeching –
- Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie –
“I kissed you?”
“Yes, Buck. You did.”
“We made out. A lot.”
“We did. I really liked it.”
“I picked you up and put you on that chair.”
“I really liked that too.”
Buck starts wheezing and doubles over. It’s a shock but also the greatest thing to ever happen to him, and he doesn’t know what to do with it all. Eddie moves with him, a hand rubbing Buck’s back as he leans over. “Buck? Buck, it’s okay, I’m sorry, we don’t have to –” Eddie starts, but then Buck’s shooting back up and clutching Eddie’s hands on him, his eyes pleading and wide.
“I’m in love with you, Eddie.”
He says it fast, rapid, like a bullet in a busy street in downtown LA. Intense, like lightning striking through his bones. As heavy as the ocean during a tsunami.
It feels life-changing, like a handshake over a detonating bomb in an ambulance feet away from them.
“I’ve been in love with you for longer than I realized, and I didn’t know what to do with it except for feeling it every day. I’ve always wanted it to be you so badly.”
And then, like Buck’s always hoped, Eddie grins like sunshine and eyes light as amber, and Buck’s a fucking idiot –
“Of course, it was you! You’re the only person who would order Meichtry’s at a bar, and you blushed like crazy all night, and you left this hickey on me that –” Buck’s cut off, but he doesn’t mind because Eddie’s kissing him again.
Eddie’s been kissing him. Buck just needed a minute to catch up.
He slips into it as easily as pulling on an old coat from his closet, and Buck can finally reach up and run a hand through Eddie’s hair. He’s smiling so wide, and so is Eddie, so it’s not a real kiss, but it’s still everything Buck could hope for.
In between one moment and the next, Eddie pulled back and looked up into Buck’s eyes with a sweet smile.
“I love you too, Buck. I’m just as in love with you.”
It gets a little heated after that because Buck has to kiss Eddie fiercely after the first time he tells Buck he loves him. Buck gives as much as he can, and Eddie doesn’t complain. Buck’s letting his hands wander, just playing with the buckle on Eddie’s belt, just a little, his treat, Eddie’s whimpers are the hottest thing Buck’s ever heard as they keep kissing and kissing and kissing, hands roaming, heads tilted together, but then the siren goes off and Eddie’s swearing. Eddie’s eyes are wide in panic, and he hisses as he presses a desperate hand down on his erection. He scowls as Buck laughs.
“This isn’t funny, oh my God,” Eddie chants as they grab their gear, and Buck kisses his cheek.
“Ugh, is this going to be our lives from now on?” Chimney complains as they all climb into the truck, Bobby laughing from the front seat.
“Come on, now. Let them have their honeymoon period. They’ve waited enough time.” Hen argues, and Ravi looks between Eddie and Buck carefully, closely, noticing the tell-tale signs of their recent interactions, and then he throws his hands up.
“Are you serious? Am I the only single person left in the entire station?” Ravi bursts out, and Buck snorts as Eddie knocks his boots into his. “I’m going to die alone,” Ravi laments, and then Eddie chuckles.
Chimney and Hen pull out their phones, looking in their contacts for anyone single and interested in men they could try to set Ravi up with, and Eddie smiles at Buck, not listening to a word as they argue about putting Ravi on a dating app if he keeps complaining.
They’re at a call for a coffee shop, where someone apparently threw their coffee at their partner midway through being broken up with, and thankfully, most of it missed, but it still caught enough of their victim to cause some nasty burns and an arrest. Bobby’s speaking with the police as Hen goes to dress the victim’s wound with Chimney, so it leaves Buck, Eddie, and Ravi mostly free. Buck’s about to console Ravi, remind him he’s young and has plenty of time to find someone, find his Eddie, but then –
“Doctor Who?” Ravi says loudly, surprised, and the victim in Hen’s hands looks up.
“Hey, Green Knight!” They respond, grinning widely at Ravi despite the burns. “I thought we lost you after that fight last night. Glad I found you again,” Ravi walks over to them in a daze, and Chimney exchanges a sly look with Hen as they wrap up treatment.
Buck smiles as Eddie knocks their shoulders together. Maybe the universe does know what it’s doing.