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Madi and yoimiya use to be a great couple. Until one day one day madi found yoimiya cheating on them with bald zhongli!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!? Madi felt so betrayed that yoimiya would do such a thing! Madi confronted yoimiya the next day and yoimiya then said how did you find out!!???? Madi said I JUST DO!!!!!!!
The 2 then went to divorce parliament to file a divorce and yoimiya got charged with taxes for doing such a thing to madi. The next day and the following day madi was so very crushed. They couldn’t believe that yoimiya would do that. Madi felt so sad that they didn’t even want to go out and buy ice cream.
A few days later madi had enough and decided to go outside and touch some grass after playing genshin for 24 hours. The first thing madi did when they went outside was to buy some ice cream. After that madi proceeded to rob a local bank full of primogems. Madi has succeeded in robbing the bank and is now happy.
Even though madi has had an entertaining day so far they still though about why yoimiya would do that, why would yoimiya like bald zhongli even??? Madi thought hard but gave up. They decided to do some extreme sports after that. The first sport that madi wanted to try was flying a plane. Madi had so much fun flying the plane that it crashed on yoimiyas dad house.
The next sport madi tried was skydiving. Skydiving was so much fun until on the 67th try the rope broke and madi was about to fall 265242772 feet to the ground! Madi thought this would be the end but luckily someone was at the ground watching madi fall down.
Kazuhas perspective: 1 hour before the incident
Kazuha was having a pretty normal day but when he walked into his house he found out that his bf Linguine from Ratatouille was cheating on him with Ronald McDonald. When kazuha saw saw this all the UWU vibes disappeared linguine says”k-k-k-kazuha t-t-this i-i-isnt w-w-hat i-i-it—“ kazuha runs away heartbrokenly.
He keeps running until he sees a sign that says( WANNA GET RID OF HEARTBREAK AND WANNA BRING YOUR UWU VIBES BACK? JUST GO TO BARBIETOE’S SKYDIVING PALACE) kazuha decides this is a good ides so he goes.he ends up having so much fun he vomits exactly 42 rainbows 3 candies and 1 Cat. After vomiting he decides to go for a stroll in the Saloshy Daboshy OWO forest to ease his nerves. When he finally gets to the darkest part of the forest he sees an angel falling from the sky at 6272892 miles per hour but using his UWU anemo powers he saves her.
Madis perspective
Madi was Falling rapidly but all of a sudden kazuha flew up like a dorito with his UWU anemo powers. He caught her in his strong alpha male omegaverse beta arms and said “ hey bbg did you just fall from heaven?” Madi looked in to kazuhas red orbs and said “ omg please let go of me I need to get the rest of my divorce documents from divorce parliament Uwu”
madi then blushed and ran away to find their batmobile to drive back to divorce parliament to get the documents. As she was driving away from BARBIETOESS SKYDIVING PALACE madi realized they never asked for that guys name…
Kazuhas perspective
As he stood there in so much shock his spiderman slippers begin to dance a jig he suddenly remembered he never asked that gorgeous angel who fell from heaven their name. He growled like a super alpha omega beta I don’t understand the omega verse guy. How was he going to find this angel so he could get them to marry him have 3.67 kids a fourth if a car and three eigths of a house???
He sighed and suddenly a lightbulb went off in his head! What if he asked Barbietoes who owned BARBIETOES SKYDIVING PALACE afterall wouldn’t he know? He walked all the way up CANDEEZ NUTS forest and made it to BARBIETOES SKYDIVING PALACE. Kazuha knocked on the door. Nothing as he walked away the door slammed open and out came…
TRIPLE MOCHA FOUR PUMPS OF CARAMEL VENTI!!!??? TR IPLE MOVHA FOUR PUMPS OF CARAMEL VENTI said “ YOOO ISNT IT MY FAVORTIE SHORT GUY????” Kazuha asked TRIPLE MOCHA FOUR PUNPS OF CARAMEL VENTI “ have you seen a angel about this short wearing neon pink purple decorated with perimeter pajamas??”
TRIPLE MOCHA FOUR PUNPS OF CARAMEL VENTI responded” AWW HELL YEAH now what was their name??” He pondered for a second than siad “ AHA THEIR NAME WAS MADI!!!” Kazuha blushed at the thought of them then said “ thanks TRIPLE MOCHA FOUR PUMPS OF CARAMEL VENTI gotta find them now🥰🥰” and then kazuha ran off to find ayatoe. As he PULLED UP to kamisaote estate he realised there was already somebody else standing at the enterance. It was the angel madi why were they here?
Madis perspective
Madi finally arrived at kamisato estate which was the temporary divorce parliament after a farting anemo pogo stick guy tried to bomb the place after their true love was snatched by the other kamisato bowl head or something. When madi reached the doors and tried to knock on them nobody answered. Strange since everyone needed divorces this place would be filled by so many people you could set george washington the unicorn on fire and none would notice.
As madi stood there for a second they heard an angelic voice behind them… it was the canadian resident madi had met back when they were about to die. O-o-o-h-h i-t-s y-o-u!!! Madi stuttered cutely. Ouhmyeahheyimkazuhawhatsyournamehahathisissuchacoincidencetoseeyouhereuhmwouldyouliketogogetsomecoffeewithmehaha?
He said reaally fast . Mafi blooshed the colour of a mario kart and responded OH UH sorry im hear to pick up my divorce papers so maybe tomorrow they blooshed even brighter mario kart when kazuha said “ omg lol I u-h-m think ur reeely c-u-t-a-y so after you get divorced lets maybe go on a dat?
Then for reassurance kazuha blooshed even more firtruck mario kart and said” oh btw im totes ok with u being divorced I have been married and divorced 68 times” then as a cutay pick up line kazuha said “ wanna be the 69th 🤪?” Kazuha suddenly realized what he said when madi blooshed brighter than the mario karter and bolted faster than flash back to his car. Madi was left speechless…until kamisato estate( aka temporary divorce parliament) doors slammed open and out came YoIMiyA???
Yoimiya said “ IN THIS DIVORCE IM GETTING ALL THE MONEY THE HOUSE AND THE BOMBS” Madis rage meter went from 7 to 69292882 madi screamed back” HELL NO IM SUEING YOU” then madi opened up their barbie butterfly fliphone and called the bestest lawyer Yanfei.
Madi said “ YO YANFEI NEED YOUR HELP LETS SUE EVERY LAST FIREWORK OUTTA YOIMIYA!!” Yanfei ran over punched yoimiya in the face took everything and handed it to madi. Easiest divorce ever also best lawyer ever.
Kazuhas perspective
Omg kazuha couldn’t believe he actually said that to the prettiest person they had ever met. Kazuha was so embarrassed but at least they were going on a date tomorrow. At the thought of that he blooshed bright red just like canada . As he was driving back to his apartment a homeless guy comes up to him and says “ yo man got any primos? The names kaveh my roomate just kicked me out 💔”
kazuha was in shocked but he was too busy so he just gave kaveh a bag of primos that madi stole earlier. As he got into his apartment he met his ex husband Linguini. Linguini said “ EW ITS YOU KAZUHA” kazuha was reeling. What the hell was going on? His whole day was so strange. Just as linguini was about to step closer to hit kazuha a fire ball bust outta nowhere.
It was yanfei she just freaking killed linguini “ Naah sorry bro im late for work gotta run” and she fireballed away. Kazuha shouted “ HEEEY WASN’T THAT ILLEGAL?” Yanfei yelled back “ NOPEE I FOUND A LOOPHOLE LOL!” Huh one less problem in kazuhas life. Now he had to prep for his date.( btw that red thing is kazuha blooshing)
Madis perspective
After winning all the money in the divorce madi was feeling great but she still had to prepare for her date with that hot guy kazuha. Wait but did madi get his number? Nevermind because madi wasn’t like other girls they would know where kazuha would be at the date. So at home madi almost slammed in to their neighbor and fell over. As madi looked up for the second time that day she saw a very beautiful guy with magenta hair two birthmarks and the most scrumptious green luigi eyes madi had ever seen.
Oops sorry bout that Im Heizou your new neighbor and he smiled a very smiley smile but Madi remembered “ CRAP im going on a date with the cute Canadian resident cant get distracted!!” Madi quickly apologized with a firetruck yanfei red on their face. As soon as madi got in their house they saw their my little pony home phone going insane. “Hello whos there?”” Omg madi its me your bestest amazingest granna and I heard from basil who is married to there wife grace from idv that you and chell are in relationships!”
Madi thought about kazuha and blooshed grandma with their magical all seeing eye powers saw that bloosh from 17 miles away and yelled” OMG I CANT BELIEVE FIRST BASIL GETS MARRIED TO GRACE FROM IDV THEN CHELLE STARTS DATING A ANEMO POGO STICK GUY OR THE RICH BOWLCUT GIRL AND THEN YOU START DATING A CANADIAN GUY!!??” Madi blooshed and said “ HEY don’t be that loud everyone will hear” but it was too late next door a mysterious neighbour heard…
Heizou’s pov
Heizou was a super dooper good detective after all he had trained under detective conan, inspector gadget, and even sherlock homes 🏡. Now that he thought about hus amazingly angel descended from heaven neighbor, wait he didn’t even know her name. As heizou walked out to get some groceries he thought about what that awesome grandmother said on the phone surprisingly that grandmas voice was sooo loud.
Hmmm who was that Canadian resident granma was talking about? Just as heizou was picking through the asparagus’s he ran in to a familiar face. HIS EX HUSBAND KAZUHA???!!!!!! They had divorced years ago at the original divorce parliament before an emo pogo stick guy blasted it down because kazuha ate orange peels and Heizou hated it. Their divorce had been finalized years ago but maybe feelings still lingered and maybe those feelings would never fade just like the stars in the night sky would shine bright for eons.
All of a sudden the speakers in the grocery store start playing Miranda Cosgroves HIT SONG Kissin u… Sparks flyaah itss like electra city iae might die when I forget how to breeth. It was their song the song that played at their wedding, in the car , at home, during all meals, in his sleep,every second of their marriage.
That’s also part of the reason why Heizou has Miranda Cosgrove blocked on all social media platforms and has restraining order against her. Its because the memories hit deep within his soul threatening to shatter his heart again…
Kazuhas pov
After all the stuff he went through today even yanfei legally killing linguini he didn’t expect to run into his first ex at the grocery store preparing for a date with an angel.” Uh its been a while heizou?” Kazuha dies inside hes so embarrassed he almost blooshes but as soon as the blooosh started to form a fight broke out between an emo pogo stick guy and some bowlcut girl fighting over a amazingly awesome girl before another person joined the fight. It was an old lady?
Th old lady threw fish dragged the amazingly awesome girl away to safety. Luckily while Heizou was occupied trying to help pick trout off the floor kazuha was able to escape the uncomfortable situation. Kazuha rushed home only to realize he forgot to buy flowers he went on to his balcony and looked around aha one of his neighbours has some flowers grown on their balcony. Kazuha wondered if they would miss the flowers or not. He was only going to take one. He climbed up onto the other balcony and grabbed a rose before he heard a sound inside the apartment and hid behind a tree bush.
Inside the apartment was two people fighting and screaming at the top of their lungs. The black haired super uncutay one said “ Omg I cant b-b-e-l-i-eve y-o-u would do that to me nikolai!” The white haired one nikolai said “ but fedora it wasn’t my fault that I fell of the stairs in the circus and cutely killed your exs great grandmas cousins great aunts half brothers intermarried cousins newborn childs great uncles second cousin twelve tines removed who lived in malaysia for four years and had two kids who had half siblings who I accidentally killed ☹️” but as soon as feetdoor was about to forgive nikolai a fire ball came blasting out of nowhere burning the skin off of nikolais face and killing him.
Freydor cried “ WHAT IS HE DEAD?!!!” Yanfei responded” Uh probably just check? Im late again gotta get that bag and pay them law school debts man.” Foedyr yelled” BUT THAT’S ILLEGAL YOU CANT JUST KILL SOMEONE AND LEAVE” Yanfei rolled her eyes and said “ Ugh cant believe I have to say this for the SECOND time today. I found a loophole 🕊️🌹🦢🌷🌙🎼🥰” “ Crap im running late gtg” and she fireballed off to kill someone again. Kazuha just climbed over back to his apartment and hoped to forget this.
Madis pov
Madi had finally gotten all dressed up just like ranch dressing for their date with canada man and they were looking at nearby cafes when LALALLALALALAAAALA their barbie mlp princess phone went off “ Hello?” A loud voice said “ heeey madi its mee the bestest amazingest coolest grannyb ever and I have super bad news pls come to basils house rlly fast” madi was shocked they didn’t know what happened but they still had time before their date with maple syrup man so they ran at top sonic hedgehog flash speed.
When they got there ren had locked head bowl girl and pogo stick man in the attic with the rats. Madi asked ren “ hey wheres gramma and basil? What happened?” Ren answered” yeah but things arent looking too good buddy.. just follow me” ren led madi in to the living room only to see a huge fight between grace from idv and basil grannyb was just standing morphibg in to the divorce parliament so grace from idv could get a divorce. Basil said “ Omg grace from idv I cant believe you mix peanut butter with seaweed this is why we are getting a divorce” grace from idv was calling someone.
Madi walked in and said “ LETS ALL CALM DOWN AND CAN YOU STOP DIVORCE PARLIAMENTING?” Grana responded “ too busy..” when suddenly grace from idv yelled “ I CALLED A LAWYER SHES COMING RUGHT NOW!!!” As soon as madi and ren heard the words lawyer leave her mouth they looked at each other “ oh no” BLAM a fireball blasted through a wall. Madi managed to shove basil out of the splash zone but it was too late for grace from idv. Grace from idv had a large vase next to her ( it was the teapot bird yknow the blue one in the teapot?) yanfeis sudden arrival shook the walls causing the teapot bird vase statue thibg to fall on top of grace from idv ultimately killing her.
The room was silent for a minute when granna spoke up “ yo do we still need the divorce papers?” Yanfei said” Nah I don’t think so shes dead so uh whos the spouse?” Ren pointed at basil “ yeah so you win lol 🥰🥰🥰” Basil said “ but isnt this illegal?!?!!” In an extremly super super time four thousandly exasperated tone yanfei said “ no it isnt and if that’s it I gotta go theres a divorce between some ginger and coatman on 156th avenue oh and btw if you want to get rid of the body call my friend hutao! Death by fire is 40% off on coffins!!!” And she blasted off to head to 156th avenue.
Ren pulls up their 1946 limited edition barbie laptop and dials Wansheng funeral parlor for 40% off on that coffin cause damn coffins are expensive. Basil said” huh guess this was a great thing” they shrug and then transformed in to the bowl cut mayor from the lorax who breakdances and sings let it die to the thneed tree. Finally it was 7 o clock and madi was running late for their date. Because grannd is the best she instantly knew where kazuha was and told madi.
Madi drives their 1892 kanye west convertible to the grandest bestest amazingest yummyest restaurant known to mankind…. Mcdonalds. Madi walks in to the grand mcdonalds to find a huge fight going on upstairs because chuu from loona killed sonic the hedgehogs grandma and then buried his mom alive. Madi being the icon they are ignored chuu from loona and sonic the hedgehogs EPIC fight. Meanwhile…
Heizou perspectt
Heizou was having a unslay day after all running into ur ex sucks man 😔. He was confused and hungry so he decided to head over to the fanciest bestest amazingest grandest rsturant ever Mcdonalds. As heizou was heading there he thought about the new person he fell in love with his neighbour that angel but can someone be in love with TWO people at once? But before getting something to eat he decided a stop by the hairsalon for a trim would be nice.
As he walked in he saw the head hairdresser yelan yelling at a blue haired guy and a grey haired guy with the same haircut. Heizou decided now probably wasn’t a good time as yelan blindfolded herself and began to cut their hair…
Kazuhas pov
Kazuha could still hear chuu from loona(update chuu got kicked out of loona chuu is now a poosay soloist) ( the poosay part is real btw that’s what it says in her insta profile) fighting sonic the hedgehog after he told chuu she wasn’t part of loona anymore. Behind kazuha he could hear the
chuu stans asking sonic stans if they wanted to see something funny 😍🥰😘🤪🤭. Kazuha sees the magical girl madoka magica sailor moon cardcaptor sakura beautiful angel madi and blooshes the colour of ren after we throw them in a laundry machine raw and battered in to pancakes😘.
Kazuha says “ Om g u-u-u l-oo-k s-o-cu-u-u-t-a-y” madi cutely says “ ohh thank you my grandma did my hair” ofc madis hair was super amazing and looked like lana del rey in that lyric from summertime sadness ghat went I got my hair up big beauty queen style or smthn I forgot sorry. They were discussing what to order on the menu when their waiter mika the map guy or something came and asked for their order. Madi asked Mika “ Bro how old are you isnt this illegal” Mika might’ve answered before a head poked out of the kitchen and screamed at the top of her lungs “ MIKA NOT A SINGLE WORD PUT OF YOUR MOUTH THIS COULD AFFECT YOUR HOMOCIDE TRIAL VERDICT” ofc the voice belonged to our favourite lawyer yanfei.
Mika sighed and asked them again what they wanted to order. Kazuha ordered the mcdonalds happy meal which was waaaay put of his budget but who cares and Madi ordered a mcdonalds ice cream cone but replace the icecream with ham and the cone with wholegrain bread and to replace the chocolate sauce with mayonnaise then replace the mayonnaise with pesto but not really pesto just basil sauce and not basil the recently divorced one they meant the one from omori who died( maybe Idk omori).
Mika sighed and mumbled something about not being paid enough under his breath before yanfei interrupted him” NOT A WORD OUT!!!” Kazuha was so happy that this super duper magical angle from heaven ( I meany to spell angel wrong) agreed to a date with him but his mind couldn’t stop going back to his first love Heizou.
He remembers the times they spent together as he looked back the memories turned bittersweet and over the course of nearly a decade those euphoric times with Heizou began to slip from his mind. Why had they divorced parliment Edgar anyway? A song comes on of course it’s the hit song by Miranda Cosgrove Kissin U. SPARKS FLY ITS LIKE ELECTRA CITY I MIGHT DIE IF I FORGET HOW TO BREETH!!!!
Flashback to maybe a decade ago(my sense of time sucks so ignore the timeline mistakes🥰)
Kazuha was cutting up AMERICAN cheese slices in the kitchen. The cheese slicing really reminded him of how his marriage was falling apart. The first few months of holy matrimony were perfect but after the honeymoon things just werent as slay luscious anymore yknow? They began to fight about every little thing. The ararrana began genocides? They fought. Their neighbours got 47 Guinea pigs? They fought. Kissin you by Miranda Cosgrove was playing every second of their married lives? Huge blowout Walmart fights.
Things just weren’t working out anymore… three days after kazuha told heizou maybe they needed a break from each other and all their fighting Heizou had sent divorce papers in the mail. Kazuha really thought he and Heizou could make it work out they really did love each other but the longer kazuha thought about this the more his heart broke… after the divorce Heizou and Kazuha went no contact and didn’t see each other again until nearly ten years later on one fateful day.
Back to the presn
Heizou
Heizou had just seen an attempted murder by yelan but thank god before atsushis neck was sliced open some eyebrow-less guy jumped ij front of the scissors. It wasn’t the first time heizou had seen a dead body so he magically cutaylay skipped along on his way to grab something yummy to eat. After walking28929226722782 miles heizou was feeling a little worn out just before he reached Mcdonal the grandest amazibg est bestest yummest resturant to ever exist.
As he walked super slow in to the mcdonals he saw the chuu not from loona anymore stans kill bbc ceo whatever his name was. Ofc he ignored it and aesthetically rolled his eyes. As heizou zoomed upstairs to get the best seats he saw a len lookalike arguing with yanfei. Len look alike said “ buut yanfei you’ve killed so many ppl how do you get away with it in only today you killed like 23 but I get in trouble if I accidentally kill one guy?!!??!!??!” Yanfei rolls her eyes and says “ well duh mika you killed Albert in broad daylight in front of timmyt and 29 other witnesses the tip is to kill them then offer a coffin discount! Heres a coupon btw!!!”
Heizou sneaks away to head to the bestest amazingest seats the PLAY PLACE. As he walks in to the feet smelling play place he spots a cabbage looking girl kill an ugly old man.. none of heizous business. GAATSP HEIZOU SPOTS KAZUHA AND HIS ANGELIC NEIGHBOUR ON A DATE????? Heizou is super super schockef and confused but as he walks in kanada guy confessions his love for themushroom angelic magical super pratty Madi??????
Madis Pov
Madi and kazuha were just eating when suddenly kazuha says suoer poetically” u-h-m i-i-i-i-h-a-a-a-a-v-e-e s-o-o-omething to say…I thi-i-ink ur super cutay and amazing and will u merry mey? Madi blushes fireball red tomato sauce foretuch flametor juanita jennfifer lopes red and is about to respind when thye hear the play place doors open. ITS HER CUTAY NEIGHBOUR . heizou unslayingly stands in the door way and says “ I have smthn to confess u guys im still in loovfe with u kaxuha wven after like ten ish years.” Madi is shoockes “ but I am also in love with madi btw I figured ur name out through ur grandnma she puts all ur personal info on ao3” kazuha is shocked but he also confesses something too “ I also admit I am still in love with you heizou but im also in love with madi what do we do know.
Madi thinks hard and says to the two of them” I think i-i-i-im In love with you both but I also don’t knour what to do” just then an airplane flies by, its graannie flying it theres also a banner on the back that says “ Just killed curly hair and came out innocent oh and btw u guys can polyamory relashunship!” Madi says “ omg grandm is so smart why didn’t we think of that so heizou calls in the priest( a drunk gay guy they found on the street) and they get married but just before they can a plane crashes in to the side of the building🕊️😨.BOOOOOM its grandma she says “ HOP ON LOSERS YES ALL THREE OF YOU WE GOTTA GET TO THE HOSPITAL QUICK!!!!!” Madi is unsurprisingly unsuprised and they drag their bfs on to the plane to fly away.
Grannie almost gets arrested for 939292918291918 times over the speed limit but yanfei deals with it so they make it to the hospital. As they walk in only ayayyas dead body is there granny sighs and jumps outta the window. The three of them are left alone when haizou says “ This isnt the first time ive seen a dead body. The first was when I died to your beauty.” Madi and Kazuha bloosh when granny climbs out of the vent with the vows and the three of them get married with Miranda Cosgroves hit song kissing u playing in the background. SPARKS FLY ITS LIKE ELECTRA City I mighhhht dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee….
The end
( until xiao dies ofc but that’s for later not now also madi gets fired and curly hair is dead to me oh and basil does turn into a basil flavoured bagel not a whole wheat for clrafication ur welcome)