Chapter Text
“We’ll shoot something else for content, but we’ve found that when the MCs can spend some time together before filming it helps the on-screen chemistry.”
The paper in front of Jaehyun is slippery and full-color, like a college brochure. There are pictures of a modern, humble rental property just south of Seoul with QR codes to scan for local restaurant menus and nearby spa services. And in his oversized hoodie, Jaehyun feels like a fraud a little.
Yes, he’s from Hybe. Yes, Zico is his producer. But Hanbin was the darling of Korea’s biggest reality show, and Sohee is a member of the hottest band on the charts and in public discourse. When Boynextdoor greets other groups at music shows, their seniors stammer to try to cover for the fact that they have no idea who they are. BUT, he’s here. At this table with these two boys. His peers. His friends, maybe.
“You can order whatever groceries and snacks you want, and once a day we’ll bring in a catered meal. You can choose if that’s lunch or dinner. Security will be posted around the building and of course you’ll be able to call or text us if there are any problems at all.”
Hanbin’s been doing this for a while, he seems totally neutral on this mini-vacation. Sohee’s eyes are shining bright, but that’s just how his face always is. Jaehyun tries to put on his most confident smile but there’s no fooling the producers.
“You seem excited Jaehyun-nim.”
Jaehyun hides his bashful face in his hoodie. “Is there a noraebang machine?” It’s going to be easier to play the clown than to risk crying in his first meeting with his new coworkers.
“We can make sure there is!” Several assistants type quick notes into their computers and Jaehyun smiles over at his co-MCs. This should be fun. Is this what kids who go to college feel like?
—
Each MC is given their own car, supposedly to cut down on potential sasaeng stalking. And as Jaehyun loads his overnight bag, his members take turns teasing him.
“What if you like them more than you like us?” Woonhak pouts.
“Impossible, baby!”
This will be the longest he’s been away from his members since debut and probably a year or so before. And it’s only two days. He’s going to miss Leehan’s fish and gaming with Riwoo and Sungho.
But he’s so excited. For the job, of course, but mostly to meet his fellow MCs. Sohee is so talented, but Hanbin is especially… Hanbin is especially interesting to him. Of course Jaehyun watched Boys Planet, every fifth gen boy did. And Hanbin had everything. He saw in Hanbin the same drive for perfection, love for performing, and borderline sinister charm that he had fostered in himself.
He thinks he saw something else too. But he doesn’t want to seem too sure.
“Text me like I’m still here?”
“Of course Leader-nim!” Leehan jokes and with a buckle of the seatbelt, the car is off.
From the front the driver politely shouts back “We’ll be there around 5 PM, Jaehyun-nim.”
“You can talk casually, sir.”
The driver nods his head but says nothing more and suddenly this all feels real in a way that it hadn’t before. Talking formally, whisked away to a secured location, it almost feels like there’s invisible rope around his ribcage and he can’t quite breathe deep enough. The BND group chat is full of dumb memes and teasing jokes, but the chatroom MNET made is all business..
“I’ll be there in half-an-hour.”
“Cool, I’m five away.” Hanbin responds.
“I’m an hour away. Fighting!” Sohee adds with a cute emoji.
Maybe a nap will help. There’s time.
—
“Hello?”
Jaehyun slips off his shoes and looks for the place to drop off his suitcase. He can hear the chorus of Antifragile softly coming down the hallway.
“Hello?”
He trepidatiously walks towards the sound, doing a double-check that there are no cameras in the corners as promised. So far so good.
“Hello?”
In a big open room Hanbin sits on the ground, back against an ottoman, singing into a rainbow colored microphone.
“ANTI! FRAGILE! ANTI! FRAGILE! HI JAEHYUN-AH!”
“Hi sunbae-nim.”
“Fuck that, call me hyung.”
Hanbin’s candor is refreshing to Jaehyun who doesn’t quite understand when he’s supposed to be on his “best behavior.” It’s also further confirmation that they are not indeed being filmed (though Jaehyun is still not convinced).
Hanbin’s score comes up - 88%
“Think you can do better, Hyun-ah?”
“Let’s see. Dealer’s choice.”
Jaehyun plops down right next to Hanbin on the floor (maybe even closer than he meant to, but it would be weird to move) and grabs the microphone while Hanbin types into the oversized multi-colored remote.
“Ohhh, you’re nasty Hyung!” Jaehyun clears his throat as the first notes of The Feels by Twice play. Entirely english. Let’s do this.
“I’m so curious about you boy, wanna keep it cool!” Jaehyun’s instinct is to perform for Hanbin like he’s in Magic Mike. But the second he makes eye contact, he shies away (and promptly flubs the rap).
“Is that all you got?” Hanbin’s smirking taunts give Jaehyun the opportunity to pull it back together and do some freestyling over the rap. He loves a challenge.
“YAAAAAS!!! SERVE!!!!”
The chorus hits and Jaehyun is grateful for Hanbin who hops onto his feet to deliver some spot-on choreography.
Should he stand up and dance with Hanbin? He wants to. Would that seem too… too… too something? Too what?
Jaehyun skips to the end of the song and watches expectantly for his score to pop up. 89%
“DAMN!”
“Okay you BARELY beat me.”
“Rematch later?”
“K.”
Hanbin feels familiar and Jaehyun has to keep reminding himself that he just knows him from TV. They aren’t friends. They’ve never been in a room together for more than five minutes.
“HELLLLOOO!” Sings Sohee from down the hallway and Jaehyun’s instinct is to recoil from Hanbin. As though they were doing something wrong or bad, and not just two co-workers being alone in the same room (and not being recorded, supposedly).
“We’re back here!” Hanbin yells out, giving Jaehyun a wink. (Why? Why a wink? Does he wink at everyone? Is there something he’s missing?). Soon enough Sohee’s spiky hair and signature smile enters the room and he bows deeply to the other two MCs.
“Should I speak formally?”
“Hyung is fine.”
So Jaehyun isn’t special, Sohee also gets to call him Hyung. But… and maybe Jaehyun is crazy, but it seemed like Hanbin was more excited about him than he is for Sohee. Is that so selfish?
“Have you two scoped out the rooms yet? Should we figure out who is sleeping where?”
“Gawi Bawi Bo?” Jaehyun suggests.
“This isn’t content or anything, let’s just pick what we each like.” Hanbin answered.
Jaehyun goes red all over, worried he’s made a fool of himself in front of Hanbin. But he says nothing, just nods and follows his hyung around.
There are two bedrooms - One with two twin beds and one with a king. They’re all comparable in terms of storage, sunlight, and space.
“So, we have options. Any immediate thoughts?” Hanbin has become the makeshift leader and it’s a new dynamic for Jaehyun who is used to all eyes on him. Should he speak up?
“Well someone can have the king to themselves, but it’s so big we could honestly all three fit on it. Not that we want that! Just like… options, like Hyung said.” Jaehyun’s words trail and he looks squarely at Sohee to avoid seeing if Hanbin finds him embarrassing.
“Hanbin-hyung, you’re the sunbae, you pick first.” Sohee says with stars in his eyes.
“I think technically Jaehyun-ah is the sunbae. You debuted in May, right?”
Jaehyun looks at Hanbin. He’s smiling. Fuck, he’s smiling.
“I’ll sleep in the big bed, either of you can join me if you want or you can take the small beds. Does that sound fair?”
“So fair. Excellent leadership Jaehyun-ah.” Hanbin pats Jaehyun’s back. But the pat is more of a lingering touch. A tender shoulder hold.
“Hyung, should we film a challenge while we’re here?” Sohee asks Hanbin with a remarkable earnestness.
“Oh maybe,” Hanbin answers indirectly before heading into the kitchen. Sohee and Jaehyun follow like little lemmings.
“I like the idea of these days just being for, like… hanging out, you know? Getting to know each other.”
Jaehyun putszes around with a stack of ramen packets and ping-pongs his gaze between the other MCs. Sohee looks eager with just a hint of anxiety. Hanbin is absolutely cool, commanding the room with a confidence that Jaehyun dreams of. He also can’t help but notice that the hem of his shirt is caught on the counter pull and exposing his pale hip.
“Drinking game?”
Jaehyun’s eyes are squarely on Hanbin who smiles at this prospect.
“Do you two know Truth or Shot?”
Sohee and Jaehyung answer in dissonant unison.
“NO!”
“YES!”
“Go get comfy, I’ll have drinks and snacks out soon. Hyung’s treat.”
Jaehyun follows Sohee into the living room and he wonders if he should take off his jacket. Not because he’s warm, and not because he’s under dressed. Because he keeps thinking of that hand on his back and wishing he could have felt it closer.
It’s over halfway off when Hanbin walks in with a tray of shots and Jaehyun quickly rips it the rest of the way.
“Oooh, you slipping into something more comfortable Hyun-ah?”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you Hyung?”
It’s not that Jaehyun isn’t used to being a flirt, it just feels so different in this moment, in this space, where he’s away from cameras and managers who offer the safety of plausible deniability. Sohee is there, but Jaehyun isn’t particularly worried about him.
Right now he’s just worried about what questions Hanbin might ask and how honestly he’s going to answer them.
—
“Has anyone ever told you you look like Jungkook sunbaenim?”
“What kind of Truth or Shot question is that?”
Jaehyun is flattered by the comparison always, but especially when it’s made by Hanbin.
“Yes, but I’m still going to take a drink.”
“Against the rules but I’ll allow it, Hyun-ah. Sohee, it’s your question.”
The table is too big for the three of them, and Hanbin is seated at the head of it like the de-facto leader/Hyung he’s become. Empty chip bags and triangle gimbap wrappers litter the space between them.
“My question is for Jaehyun-ah too. What’s Zico Sunbaenim like?”
Jaehyun considers how to answer while distracted by Hanbin licking a drop of soju off his bottle.
“He’s a really great producer, he really wants us to be the best versions of ourselves and gives us freedom to be ourselves.”
“Does that freedom extend to dating?” Hanbin asks.
It would be hypocritical wouldn’t it be, if Zico didn’t let them date. He urged them to be safe, and to put the group before all else, but compared to the contracts other idols had, BND was leash free.
“Just have me home before curfew and Daddy won’t be too mad.”
“I’ll make a note of that.” God Hanbin is good.
“Okay, you next Jaehyun-ah.” Sohee fidgets with some chopsticks seemingly oblivious to the game afoot. The air smells like sesame and rice alcohol and they all seem to be getting tired.
“For Hyung - which of us has the better smile?”
Jaehyun flashes a series of grins, pouts and aegyo and Sohee does the same. Hanbin keeps them on the hook for a nice long time before pouring a shot into his unhinged mouth.
“Coward.”
“I’ll remember you called me that.”
How is Sohee not catching on to what’s going on? It’s true, this kind of teasing is normal among idols. But usually for camera, for attention, for the fans. And the last thing Jaehyun wants right now is attention from anyone other than Hanbin.
Of course, there’s another way to look at this. Maybe Sohee isn’t noticing anything because there’s nothing to notice. This is how Jaehyun and Hanbin both act, afterall. Maybe the glowing, indescribable pit in his tummy is just for him to be aware of.
“How many showers does this place have?” Sohee asks no one in particular.
“It’s not your turn, Sohee.” Jaehyun looks to Hanbin for approval of his joke and receives it in the form of a subtle smirk.
“Haha, no I just meant… should we start washing up?”
Hanbin looks down to his phone and clicks the sides to illuminate the screen.
“Just past midnight, what do you two think?”
Jaehyun is tired, sure. But he’s not ready to end this, he’s not ready to stop a drinking game with a boy he… wants to be playing a drinking game with.
“One more round?”
The other two nod their head in agreement and refill their shot glasses with soju.
“Hyung, you first.”
“Okay hmmm… this is for both of you. Who is your celebrity crush?”
Fuck, this is going to be a tricky one. Jaehyun could play it off if he picked a guy like Brad Pitt or Chris Hemsworth but he isn’t sure that’s what he wants to do. And he could answer with a woman, that wouldn’t be untrue. But he’s got to communicate both a lot and also nothing at all with his answer.
“Olivia Rodrigo. She’s so cool!” Sohee’s answer is breathtakingly earnest and he beams his sunshine smile as he thinks about her.
“Hmm… Lil Nas X.”
“Oooh, good answer” Hanbin responds with a smile that Jaehyun hopes means what he thinks it means. Nobody asks, but he answers “Mine’s Troye Sivan.”
(Jaehyun didn’t need the confirmation, but the confirmation still feels good).
“Okay this question is for Hanbin Hyung,” Jaehyun slurs slightly through the honorific, his drinks catching up with him. “Do you want to sleep in a bed by yourself tonight or in the room with me?”
“I’m gonna go wash up!” Sohee spits out as fast as he can. Maybe he isn’t as naive as Jaehyun thinks. It isn’t until he’s out of the room that Hanbin answers.
“If I take the first option, will you call me a coward again?”
“Probably.”
“Can’t have that, can we?”
—
Sohee’s shower singing can be heard through the whole house and Jaehyun can’t help but have a dirty thought about acoustics and privacy. But he brings himself back to where he is, in the kitchen, handing Hanbin dirty dishes to wash, watching his hyung’s shirt get wet from splash back and hoping he takes it off soon.
In a stroke of genius, Jaehyun pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens spotify.
I feel the rush
Addicted to your touch
Hanbin sets down the not-quite-yet-clean bowl into the bottom of the sink and turns off the water, looking over at Jaehyun with a new expression. It’s not the flirty wink of before, but something darker.
“Jaehyun-ah, do you like boys?” The question is oddly direct after a night of innuendo.
“I like some boys.” It’s true.
“Here’s something you should know: I have a high tolerance for flirting and teasing, but once the line is crossed I don’t take it well.”
Jaehyun attempts to read between the lines of what Hanbin says and remains lost.
“I voted for you on Boys Planet, hyung. Since I saw your dance videos, I… I liked you.”
“And why did you like me? Or how?”
Jaehyun musters up all the courage he has and walks closer to Hanbin, caging him into the counter with his hips.
“Because you’re talented. Charming. Hot. Sexy. Irresistible.”
The most important lesson in Idol-ing that Zico ever gave the members of BND was “Fake It Til You Make It.” Feeling insecure? Pretend you aren’t. Having stage fright? What if you weren’t? It seemed overly simple and too-good-to-be-true but Jaehyun had luck with it before and hopes he’ll have luck with it tonight.
“Because I liked to imagine if I was on the show, if you would have lingered in my dorm or held my hands.”
Jaehyun searches for Hanbin’s hands without breaking eye contact, finding his palms which are raisined from the dishwashing. The song dies out and is replaced with Strawberries and Cigarettes and Hanbin swats his hands away.
“Listen, I get that you can charm. But… this isn’t my first rodeo, and I’m going to need some sincerity from you. Gotta know that this isn’t your play-pretend sleep-over pillow fight with a boy that you’ll tell girls about later to get them wet.”
A cold chill goes through every artery, vein, and capillary in Jaehyun’s body. Sincerity is one of those funny words in their business, everyone claims to have it but that would be impossible. For Jaehyun, sincerity is crying because he loves his members so much and crawling around the dorm floor like an inchworm.
And it’s not as though his flirting isn’t sincere. He loves to be a little stinker, a rapscallion. But if Hanbin is saying what he thinks he’s saying, he’s going to have to stop faking confidence and let Hanbin see the leader who is currently getting pummeled with memes in the member group chat.
“Understood. I can do sincere.”
Hanbin nods his head and picks his dishes back up, and as soon as the water noises finish Jaehyun sprints towards the shower to be next in line.
—
The bag Hanbin unpacks is entirely too big for a three day trip and Jaehyun’s instinct is to crack a joke about it. But would that be sincere?
“You always pack heavy?”
He thought a question would serve him better, something less impish.
“I never thought I did, but my members make fun of me for it. I overthink packing and forget that if I’m missing socks or whatever I can just go… buy more. How about you, how much did you bring?”
Jaehyun hops up off the still-made bed to show off a flimsy drawstring backpack. “Everything fit in here, hyung. I hate packing, I get bored doing it.” He gets back in bed as quickly as he got off.
“Oh yeah? What doesn’t make you bored?”
On the surface this is all so much less flirtatious than what came before it, but Jaehyun feels 100% more perceived, more vulnerable. He’s not trying to tango anymore, he’s like a nervous tween at a middle school dance. This is really what Hanbin wants? Apparently, because he’s now joining Jaehyun in the entirely-too-big bed, plugging in his phone next to the nightstand.
“Making music. Being with my members. I need a real hobby so I have answers when I get asked what I do on variety shows.”
“Just make one up, everyone does. You think these kids are really out here knitting and baking? With what time?”
Jaehyun turns to his side and slides his hands under his face. It’s not a sexy position, it’s adolescent, but Hanbin is getting in the same position so maybe it’s okay.
“What’s your hobby, hyung?”
“Real or pretend?”
“If I’m being sincere you should be too!”
Hanbin laughs and scootches just slightly closer to Jaehyun.
“I don’t really get to do my old hobby anymore…”
“What was that hobby?”
Hanbin stares at Jaehyun for a long time and Jaehyun wonders if he’s supposed to be able to read his mind. If so, he’s failing.
“I like… hook-ups. Random hook-ups. Like, at clubs and stuff. But, obviously…”
The part of Jaehyun he likes the least, the most insecure annoying part, takes over control of his voice.
“Well then why did you turn me down back in the kitchen?”
Luckily Hanbin smiles and sighs, and most importantly he stays close.
“Because, Jaehyun-ah, you don’t have to show up at work the next day with some random guy you meet in a bar bathroom. And you don’t have to sit next to each other in the green room and wonder if he actually wanted to be intimate with you or he just wanted the power trip of getting the obviously gay guy to suck his dick.”
For the first time Jaehyun realizes that he hasn’t thought outside of himself since arriving at the house. He hasn’t thought about Sohee except for trying to deceive him. Sohee who he is trying his best to not resent for his success but it’s hard. He hasn’t thought about Hanbin as more than his TV crush. Not an idol whose sexuality has been at the center of his fame from the moment he first showed up. Unsurprisingly, tears form in his eyes and he watches as Hanbin stretches to comfort him but then pauses.
“What’s going on Hyun-ah?”
“I just… get in my own way sometimes. And it’s embarrassing and I act before I think. And I miss Woonhak!” Jaehyun’s tears turn into hiccup laughs and Hanbin laughs with him.
“I miss Yujin SO much every day I don’t see him. Why do they give us these babies to take care of? Don’t they know they imprint on us like ducklings?”
Hanbin smiles and Jaehyun tries to smile too. Before he can wipe his own tears, Hanbin is using his knuckles to softly trace the upward line of his cheekbone.
“I got nervous when I heard you were gonna be the new MC.”
“Why’s that Hyung?”
Hanbin keeps his hands on Jaehyun’s drying cheeks, fingertips now softly tracing lines up and over the bridge of his nose and smoothing down his eyebrows.
“You gave me butterflies from your first stage. It was Music Bank, the performance in the pink hoodies. Remember?”
“I do.” Jaehyun moves his hands towards Hanbin’s waist but stops short, not sure what the “sincere” thing to do is here.
“It wasn’t even your line, I’m not sure whose line it was. But you looked directly at the camera with this face and… I was done for.”
“Am I your type, Hyung?” Finally Jaehyun feels brave enough to touch Hanbin’s soft cotton shirt. It’s a little damp, he must have been in a rush to towel off and get in bed. A rush to be near him.
And suddenly Jaehyun felt something settle into his chest. That rope he felt around his ribs was loose, but not gone. Was this… true confidence?
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“Why unfortunately?”
Jaehyun grips Hanbin tighter, tight enough to pull himself closer to Hanbin. To Hanbin, whose hand could now reach back to the nape of his neck and pet his shaggy black hair.
“Because I get carried away sometimes. Act before I think. You know the drill.”
“I absolutely do.”
One more tug brings Jaehyun knee-to-knee with Hanbin who is toying with his gold hoop earring and staring at his lips.
“What do you think we should do first, Hyung? Think or… act?”
Jaehyun’s pinkie finds the hem of Hanbin’s shirt and sneaks close enough to feel Hanbin’s skin, Hanbin’s prickled, goosebumped skin.
“I’ve been thinking a whole lot. More than you have, probably.”
“That’s impossible.”
Jaehyun shifts close but Hanbin tugs him back by the scruff. He presses his thumb into Jaehyun’s lips and then brings it to his own.
“Make that face. The one you make on stage, the bratty pout. It drives me crazy.”
The pressure on Jaehyun in this moment feels bigger than every stage he’d ever been on. This is the moment you Fake It to Make It to and he is not prepared for how it makes every nerve ending on his body light up like a police car.
He tries his best bitten-lip smirk and soon Hanbin is pressing him down into the pillow, grabbing his far hand to interlace their fingers, and purring.
Jaehyun has been Faking It so hard he barely registers that he’s walking across the bridge where his bisexuality turns from theoretical to practiced. Proven. Evidenced by the tightness up and down his thighs and the wimpers that escape his mouth whenever Hanbin licks the side of his tongue.
He’d never imagined past this point. What was going to happen when his seduction worked? Was he ready for it?
“If I let you fuck me tonight, will you tell your members I’m a slut?”
Hanbin has his legs around Jaehyun’s waist and the grinding is doing too good a job of distracting Jaehyun from the fact that he has no idea how to have sex with a guy and if he does a bad job he’ll be showing his hand to his future coworker and current roommate.
“Pleeeease Hyun-ah,” Hanbin hisses and Jaehyun realizes he wasn’t the only one being insincere earlier. Hanbin isn’t the too-cool, ultra confident top ranking contestant from Boys Planet who has a retort to every pick-up line, he’s a twenty-two year old boy who used to get off at sex clubs and now has to live surrounded by cameras in an inhospitable industry.
“Hyung, you wanted sincere, right?” Hanbin murmurs an affirmative into Jaehyun’s neck where he’s kissing every inch of skin. “Tonight I wanna just do this.”
Hanbin sits back on his knees, wipes his mouth, and catches his breath. “Why? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just… you’re more experienced than I am I think and I’m scared of blowing it. And I’m not going to make a blow job joke even though you know I want to.”
Hanbin laughs and dismounts with only a slight sign of disappointment in his smile.
“That is very mature. I hate that that makes me hornier for you.”
“Be horny, Hyung. I’m gonna fuck you.”
Hanbin spins around, holding Jaehyun’s hand and easily knitting them into a nestle with one of Jaehyun’s arms under Hanbin’s head and the other wrapped around his tummy.
“Wanna tell me more about that?”
God, this is so much better than pretending he knows what he’s doing.
“Well… can you feel how hard I am right now?” Hanbin thrusts his hips back directly into Jaehyun’s crotch and moans his response. “Imagine how good that’s going to feel inside of you.”
“Mmmm, want it,” Hanbin answers between kisses on Jaehyun’s knuckles.
“Tomorrow I’m going to be on my best behavior all day. And tomorrow night, Hyung… I’ll be on my worst.”