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“Have you ever cried?”
the white haired woman asked, cuddling closer to her girlfriend while doing so.
“What?” the gith woman sounded like she just got asked the most outrageous question there is but Shadowheart didn’t back down “You’ve heard me. Have you ever cried?”
“Why would you want to know such pointless knowledge of my past? Githyanki soldier don’t cry.” She answered after a short hesitation but the answer didn’t seem to satisfy Shadowheart, which Lae’zel could make out after hearing the pouting in her next sentence.
“I don’t know much about your past and since we are in a relationship, I would like to get to know you more. You know much about me and don’t tell me you’ve never cried! Everyone has cried at some point in their life, it’s completely normal.”
Lae’zel grimaced before answering “Chk, you won’t let this go will you? Let me think.” Getting a quick “of course!” in response from the grinning woman cuddled up to her.
Lae’zel always wanted to be the best githyanki soldier from crèche K’liir. Killing her clutch mates was one of her proudest moments, displaying her fierce dominance over them all.
Winning was all she could think about when fighting. She didn’t notice nor cared about the stinging all over her body, her blood running down the huge cut on her leg onto the floor beneath them. Allowing the pain to take over would mean she was weak, which meant she would need to be killed. Even though the sword she was fighting with was way too big for her and her opponent seemed to be older than her, she didn’t give up and after a few more minutes the other gith was on the floor allowing Lae’zel to push her sword down into their chest. She knew exactly where someone’s heart was located and after struggling a bit the ribs finally broke in and Lae’zel stabbed through the heart. The gith underneath her stopped struggling some time ago but seeing the life leave someone’s eyes always scared Lae’zel, even though she would never admit that to anyone.
Heavy breathing, her heavy breathing filled the training room and she looked over to her sa’varsh who gave her a proud nod before leaving but the nod was all Lae’zel needed to finally fall down and close her eyes. Only now could she feel all the pain over her body, especially her left leg that was cut open while fighting. The cut was deep and really stung making Lae’zel wince quietly when she tried to get up again. She hated this part of fighting.
Trying to bind her leg up was harder than expected. She could only see blood and it didn’t stop coming out of the wound making it even harder to deal with and after minutes of struggling she started to panic. Was this how she was going to die? Not even in combat but because of a pathetic wound on her leg? The panicking also didn’t help her binding abilities as she accidentally ripped through the fabric, making all she did useless. Lae’zel was about to scream her frustrations out when a voice above her made her flinch away “Do you need help, yank?”. It was an older githyanki soldier around 20 with long brown hair that was lazily put up in a ponytail. “No! I am not weak I can do this all on my own!” Lae’zel was old enough to care for her own wounds or at least she should be at 11years old.
The woman kneeled down to her taking the binding fabric before starting to wrap the wound up tightly , “Of course you’re not weak. Look at you, you won even though you had this huge wound. You did a good job, yank.”. The woman did make a good point, she thought, making Lae’zel calm down and start ti analyze the wound binding so she wouldn’t be a bleeding out yelp on the floor next time. The periodical made it hard to focus but she did look closely at least she tried to but the woman’s arm grabbed her attention. It was covered with holes and orderly, wavy scars “An eyesore, isn’t it?” the woman chuckled but Lae’zel quickly disagreed “No no, they show your bravery and intimidate your opponents. Look I also have some!” Lae’zel quickly pulled up her shirt to show the woman above her a long scar that went from her chest down to her hip. “I earned it at my third fight after poison weakened me but I still won!” she proudly announced but the woman only looked at the scar with sad eyes, “G’lyck, you’re too young to own these scars, yank.” and before Lae’zel could express her confusion the woman pulled out a bottle as big as her hand with a red liquid inside, pouring it on Lae’zel’s wounded leg. It burned at first making the child wince but then suddenly her leg felt like it was stitching itself back up.
Lae’zel heard of healing potions but never saw one, especially never got one to use on herself. Her sa’varsh said they should learn to heal their wounds on their own since it’s hard making healing potions when outside fighting ghaik. They were supposed to fight through the pain.
“Was that a healing potion?” Lae’zel gasped out in curiosity but the woman quickly shoved the potion back under her armor, looking around if anyone has heard the younger gith. “Shhh, yes it was. Are you feeling better now?” Lae’zel quickly got up and started jumping on her previous wounded leg to prove that she indeed, was feeling better, “Yes! Look I can even carry my whole weight on it!” a laugh and a pair of hands on her shoulder made her stop jumping around and look up at the older soldier “I believe you, don’t worry but I beg of you to not jump around, you’re going to hurt yourself again, like that.” She said before letting go of her shoulder and giving the girl a smile, “I need to go now. Go rest, yank.”. Hastily but still elegantly the older soldier walked back to the other githyanki soldiers training in the room next to the one Lae’zel was in.
Lae’zel could never explain their relationship that started growing closer and closer over long conversations, training and studying sessions and the nurturing but she knew she felt save next to the older githyanki, like nothing could hurt her.
After hard fights the older githyanki always came to fuss over Lae’zel and if Lae’zel still had the energy for it, she even would protest the help and comfort of the older githyanki but some times Lae’zel couldn’t talk or move after fights letting the other gith nurture her in silence.
Just like at the day it all ended.
Lae’zel couldn’t move after her aggressive training, her ears were ringing and her whole body hurt. She didn’t even hear the yelling at first but after a minute of gaining back her senses she could hear an argument above her, “Shka’keth! She’s too young to undergo such harsh training!” only after feeling the yelling all through her body, has Lae’zel realized she was being held in the gith woman’s arms, “Don’t you dare question my training! She’lak’s like you perish under it and real kith’raki rise! Jhe’quith dvenzir.” The voice of her sa’varsh sounded mad making Lae’zel trash in the woman’s grip and stand up straight after being let go, hands still protectively placed upon her shoulders. “You’re just killing our young! Tsk’va, Orpheus, son of Gith would despise your nonsensical teachings!” the voice above her got louder before quieting down like regretting the words coming from her mouth, gasps filling the newly created silence. “Hshar’lak! How can you speak of that name, soldier’s h’taka!” right after the words of an attack came from her sa’varsh’s mouth Lae’zel got pushed away from the protecting hands and the woman got tackled. Lae’zel didn’t know what to do but instructions from behind her let her know “Lae’zel, come here.”. She immediately started limping to her sa’varsh but a yelling that stood out from the sounds of pain made her stop moving. “Don’t hurt her, she has nothing to do with this! I beg you!”, it made a smile grow on her sa’varsh’s face as if he thought of something funny, Lae’zel thought. Suddenly her sa’varsh yelled out a loud “pa’vrylk!”, stopping the soldier’s from what they were doing and kneeled down to Lae’zel. “Hold her down.” he swiftly instructed the soldiers before holding out a silver githyanki shortsword in Lae’zel’s direction “Take it and end the hshar’lak’s life, Lae’zel.”.
The younger gith flinched away from the sword, eyes widening and letting out a quiet “What?”, which wasn’t the reaction her sa’varsh expected. He got up before he harshly grabbed Lae’zel’s face, making her look into her sa’varsh’s eyes “Lae’zel, don’t tell me all that training was for nothing? Do it. Now.”. The shortsword was shoved into her hands and she started limping to the held down woman. “You are a monster! Shka’keth you shall die painfully when Orpheus rises!” she yelled but the man behind Lae’zel looked unamused.
Lae’zel kneeled In front the woman. Everything hurt but she could see that the woman was doing a lot worse than her, barely awake but she still smiled at the younger gith. Lae’zel hands were shaking as she moved the shortsword above the woman’s chest. She knew exactly where the heart was located but couldn’t do it. She looked up once again to look into the older githyanki’s face. She still smiled, eyes halfway lid and blood running from her mouth, “It’s alright, yank” she mouthed with the last bit of energy she had and Lae’zel pushed down. She was still feeling weak, making the suffering a lot worse and longer then it should have been. She wasn able to get through the ribs but as always the ribs broke in after a bit more pressure. This felt so familiar, yet so different.
Not the technique just the feeling she had while doing it felt different, it hurt. Blood pooled up from the wound she created herself, knowing exactly that it meant, she has stabbed through the heart but a voice in the back of her head still told her it wasn’t true.
Her ears were ringing again and the shaking got worse.
After her sa’varsh realized the deed was done, a final sentence loudly echoed through the room, “Good job, Lae’zel.” but Lae’zel didn’t feel better like she usually did and after a minute of silence her sa’varsh left, his soldiers following his steps.
She was all alone with the corpse of the older githyanki. Her blood all over her.
She usually felt save with her but this time she only felt pain, making her search closer to her for the previously felt comfort but everything was just cold. Lae’zel’s heart burned as if she just got stabbed through it and her eyes stung as liquid poured down her face. Not thick enough to be blood, they were tears.
This was the first time she cried.
“So?” Shadowheart’s voice broke her away from her painful memories, “Have you ever cried?”
“No, githyanki soldier don’t cry.”