Chapter Text
2am.
The clocks bright red lights scream the time at him as he stares helplessly again for what feels like the hundredth night in a row.
He hasn’t had as much trouble sleeping when they’ve been traveling to country after country, grand prix after grand prix. But there’s something about being back in his apartment in Monaco that has left him feeling unsettled.
Maybe it’s the fact that he knows you’re somewhere in this small town. His stomach turns at the thought of you being out at a club or a bar, or worse yet in someone else’s bed, touching them the way you used to touch him.
Fuck.
He runs his hand over his face, trying to push the thoughts out of his mind, but every time he closes his eyes, he sees your brilliant smile and eyes that see past the persona to who he really is.
He knew he had royally fucked things up, especially when the last time he had spoken to you it was to tell you he wanted “space”. What he really wanted was the freedom to party and sleep with whoever he wanted to without a shred of guilt.
It had been fun at first, the models and the groupies, but just like everything it has lost its luster, leaving him feeling empty and alone.
He’d never been able to forget the heartbreak that had shown in your eyes when the words made their way past his lips. The way your lip had trembled as a tear rolled down your face, the once beautiful eyes that had always seemed so bright and playful, full of sadness that had been caused by him.
He had been young and stupid. No kid should have been given that amount of money and freedom at that age, but he had lived, and he had learned, making you collateral damage in the process.
It had been over a year since you had seen each other, but there was something in the air that make him feel…reckless and wanting.
He pulled out his phone, pulling up your contact info, thumb hesitating over your number. He felt the adrenaline pump through his veins as he hit the “message” button.
The blank message box taunted him with all of the things he wanted to say.
Don’t come off too strong mate, just send a classic ‘you up?’
He really was a fuckboy if that was his go-to message. He ran his hand down his face once more as he pulled himself out of bed, padding down the long hallway to his kitchen.
He was happy that he had installed motion-detection lights, making it easy for him to find his way when he was half asleep…or coming home from a night out with his boys.
He filled up a glass with water, relishing the coolness that helped to clear his cloudy, sleep-addled head.
He leaned against the cold marble island, looking at the empty message box staring back at him.
He took a steeling breath, as he began typing out his message.
Lando: Hey. I know it’s late, but you were on my mind. I hope you’re doing well.
He pressed send before he could convince himself otherwise, immediately placing his phone facedown, so he didn’t have to stare at an empty screen.
He stepped over to his floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the beautiful city that he’d come to call home.
He had just been a boy when he entered F1, moving to Monaco not too long after his 21st birthday.
His hands slid into the pockets of his joggers as he thought back to the first time, he had met you. You were beautiful in a way that made people stop and stare, but you were also one of the most humble people he’d ever met. It was almost like you were completely unaware of your own beauty.
In another world where short people could model, you would’ve been one, but 5’2’ didn’t make the cut. Instead, you pursued a career in marketing, one that had led you to F1 and social media marketing for McLaren.
You were a ray of sunshine, finding a way to make everyone around you feel special and seen, most of all him.
It had happened accidentally, the falling in love part. You started working closely together when Lando began to make a name for himself within the sport. Your relationship had been strictly professional, until it wasn’t.
He would always be grateful for the after work happy hour that allowed you to get to know him better, exchanging numbers by the end of the night.
He pursued you relentlessly after that, making it clear that he wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted…you.
But all good things come to an end.
Lando heard his phone buzz on the countertop, pulling him out of his reverie. His heart picked up its pace as he went to grab it, hoping against all hope that it was a message from you.
You: Hi. Definitely not the message i was expecting to get at this hour lol why are you up?
His heart felt like it had made its way into his throat as he tried to think of something…anything to say.
Lando: I couldn’t sleep. Haven’t been able to since I’ve been back in Monaco to be honest.
He saw the 3 dots appear, letting him know you were typing a message back. The anticipation was actually going to kill him.
You: Well that’s no good. And I’ve been good…all things considered. What about you?
He was once again reminded that he was the reason you had left McLaren, heading over to work at a small agency, just so you didn’t have to see him anymore.
That had never been part of the plan, he had wanted you to stay, still wanted to see you around, but you didn’t make things easy for him. You never did and that’s what he loved about you.
Lando: I’ve been alright. Been missing home…and you.
Where did that come from? He thought to himself as he waited for your reply. It wasn’t untrue, in fact, this was probably the most honest he had been with anyone in a very long while.
He had become so used to pretending all the time, that he had almost forgotten what it had been like to wear honesty for a change.
You: You have a funny way of showing it…given that you broke up with me so you could be “free” for the season
Ouch. That one definitely stung.
Lando: I know I have no right saying that, but I’m trying to be more…honest, I guess. I think I’m also long overdue to offer an apology. Breaking up with you is one of the biggest regrets I’ve ever had and a decision I’ve had to live with every day. I’m so sorry I hurt you.
The 3 bubbles appeared and disappeared as you thought about what to respond. Your heart and mind telling you two different things.
You had seen his name splashed across the papers and social media as he made his way from country to country, winning race after race. It had almost been unbearable the first time you had seen him with some models in Miami.
You had cried yourself to sleep knowing that the man that you had loved didn’t even give you a second thought…or so it seemed.
You: Where is this coming from Lando? Are you feeling lonely? I won’t be a quick fuck like all those other women.
You would never just been a one-night stand for him…you had always been endgame and that’s what scared him.
He knew he wasn’t ready for the commitment that you deserved. Right person, wrong time and it was awful that he had to break you in order to grow up.
Lando: I know you aren’t…you never were.
Lando: You meant everything to me and feeling that was too much for me. I ran away from commitment because it scared me. Being with you scared me. I’d never felt like that about anyone before and I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it.
Lando: If you’ll let me…I’d like to try and make it up to you. I’m just asking for a chance.
He’d laid it all out on the line. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from his phone as he sank into his couch, waiting for your reply.
You: One chance.
You felt like you were either making the best decision or the biggest mistake, but God you had missed him.
Everyone knew he was funny and charismatic, but when it was just the two of you, you had come to know a different side of him.
Someone who was thoughtful and intentional with his time and with you. He listened to everything you had said, surprising you with books you had mentioned or bringing you a tea he made just the way you liked it after he had seen you make one every afternoon.
He had stolen your heart with all of the little things, working his way in until it was impossible to extricate him even when he had broken you.
A part of you had always felt like you would reunite, either in this world or the next. When his message came across your phone, it felt like fate.
You had woken up from a dream about him, leaving you aching and hurting, his message the only balm that could soothe your pain.
Lando: I won’t fuck it up. I promise.
You: We’ll just have to wait and see, now won’t we?
You smiled at the way it was so easy to fall back into your regular banter.
Lando: Can I see you this weekend?
Lando bit his lip as he waited for your reply, hoping against all hope that you said yes.
You: I might be able to move some things around. What did you have in mind?
It felt so natural to say yes to him. You wanted to see him and knew Monaco was small. It was a miracle and a disappointment that you never ran into him, but he was a busy man, on the road for a majority of the year that she wasn’t completely surprised.
Lando: You’ll just have to wait and see ;) I’ll pick you up at 7 on Saturday
You felt a smile break out across your face, as you held your phone to your chest, excitement and nerves coursing through your body. You were really going to give him another chance and rather than it feeling like the worst decision, you felt something akin to peace settle in your soul.
You: Sounds like it’s a date…
Lando: It absolutely is…at least for me.
Lando: Get some rest sweetheart. I’ll see you on Saturday.
You felt your heart take a leap, re-reading the word “sweetheart” again. He had always used that name just for you. You knew right then that you were well and truly fucked.