Chapter Text
Yukari
The memories hit her like a tidal wave.
It's an overwhelming rush of emotions, the sudden realization that everything she thought was wrong for the past month was even worse than she'd thought. How could she forget about the Dark Hour, about the Fall, about Nyx, about...
Makoto stands and tosses his Evoker aside, and calls upon a Persona. Messiah. He kills all the Shadows, and then he turns to us and smiles, and then he floats off, and Fuuka can't sense him, and-
Kotone stands suddenly, her eyes wide. “Uh, Koto-chan?” Junpei says, softly, as the others around them gawk, but Yukari is too lost in her own thoughts to pay attention. She looks up just as Mitsuru leaps off the stage and Kotone runs out of the auditorium. She wastes no more time, jumping out of her seat and bolting towards the doors. The sound of reprimands and confusion are completely lost on her ears.
The others join them on their run at some point. Junpei and Akihiko and Fuuka, and then even Ken and Koromaru. Yukari ignores all of them, all of the insanity happening around her. She just has to get to the roof, has to get to Makoto, because-
He's been so sick, and he's been sleeping so much and he said we wouldn't understand until we got our memories back and-
Kotone is the first to shove the doors open, but Yukari is close behind. “MAKOTO!” they both scream, almost in unison. She catches sight of Aigis, sitting on a bench, and Makoto is lying in her lap, her hands clasped around his over his chest. He turns his head slightly, and she takes off running towards him.
She's the first of them to collapse next to him, to realize that his eyes are closed, and that there's a small smile on his face. She reaches out and takes his hand from Aigis. “Makoto,” she says, softly. “Wake up. We remember now.”
He doesn't respond, doesn't open his eyes, doesn't do anything.
“C-call an ambulance,” Fuuka gasps suddenly.
“Fuuka?” Mitsuru says.
“H-he... there's something wrong, and...” She shakes her head, and Yukari looks up at her in horror. “That last battle, when he-”
Akihiko steps forward, kneels down by Makoto's side and feels at his neck. “His pulse is weak,” he grunts. “Mitsuru, call the ambulance.”
“I do not understand,” Aigis says, looking at them with tears in her eyes. “He is only tired, is he not?”
“He just used too much of his energy,” Yukari explains, more to herself than to Aigis. “H-he... It took a lot out of him to stop the Fall, right?”
Mitsuru calls the hospital, gets transportation coming their way. Akihiko prepares to lift Makoto, but Aigis does it before he can. “If he is in danger,” she says, sternly, “then I will stay with him. I will protect him.”
He's not in danger. That's insane. He's alive. He's still here. Why would he be in danger? The thoughts spring forward one after another, and Yukari finds herself shaking.
She looks at Kotone, and sees that her face is blank, that she's gone completely pale. She stares at her brother in abject horror, unmoving, unblinking. That, more than anything else, is what frightens her. But it means nothing. She forgot, just like the rest of us. He said it would be done, soon, and that-
He never did say he was going to get better, did he?
She swallows back that thought, because Makoto said he wanted to live, he told her that, and she believed him, and he would not allow himself to...
She can't even think it.
Somehow, she ends up at the hospital. She has no memory of going there, only of arriving. She sits in a chair by the bedside of the person she loves more than anything, while he lies there, still and unresponsive, with an oxygen mask over his face and nothing but the dreary beeping of machinery to fill the silence.
Everyone but Mitsuru stands with her, silently. Aigis is completely still, standing by Makoto's side and staring down at him, her unwavering desire to protect him remaining even in this dismal moment. Ken and Akihiko stand at the foot of the bed, both of them obviously trying hard to hide their fear. Junpei sits in the corner, tapping his foot restlessly. Kotone stands off to the side, her arms slack at her sides. Fuuka is in the corner, pacing rapidly, mumbling to herself.
“Fuuka,” Yukari hisses after a few moments. “Either tell us what you're thinking, or shut up.”
“I...” She hesitates, then looks at them all, tears sparkling in her eyes, even in this dark room. “The whole month, I felt like something was wrong with him, but I...” She shakes her head. “It was Juno. She kept telling me that he was...”
“He's not dying,” Akihiko growls. “You honestly think we'd allow that?”
“What're we supposed to do, though?” Junpei asks, quietly. “I mean, we dragged him to the doctors over and over again, and none of them ever...”
“They forgot about the Dark Hour, too,” Akihiko insists. “If they got their memories back when we did, they should be able to do something.”
“Makoto-san is not dying,” Aigis says, softly. “He has no injuries, and suffers from no sickness. His only symptom is exhaustion. That is not indicative of death.”
Yukari nods to that, but some part of her heart just doesn't believe it. She reaches out and grasps his hand in hers, clutching to it desperately.
She's never seen him like this. Even in his worst moments, he still looked better than this. But now he's pale and lifeless and still, and the only indications that he's even still alive at all are the blips on the heart monitor and the occasional vague rising of his chest as he takes in breaths, each one more shallow than the last. And he's cold. Why is he so cold?
Mitsuru returns to them a little while later, and she looks just as pale and weary as the rest of them. “I've explained everything, but the doctors don't remember the Dark Hour. Ryoji's purge was complete, evidently.”
“Then how'd we get our memories back?” Junpei grumbles.
“Likely because of the promise we made.”
To meet up on the rooftop. If we hadn't done that, would we have remembered anything at all? The idea scares her more than anything. Well... almost anything.
Mitsuru sighs heavily, looking around the room. “We should return to the dorm. There's nothing we can do for him here.”
“Nothing we can do for him at home, either,” Akihiko mutters.
“It's late. You all need rest. Myself as well.”
Yukari looks up, and only now realizes that the sun has set. How long has she been sitting here? He'd fallen asleep around 9:00. At least twelve hours must have passed since then.
“I can't leave him,” she manages, through a rapidly constricting throat.
No one says anything to that. They all just stand and stare, all of their eyes focused on Makoto, who had fought with everything he had for them, who'd suffered and struggled for ages for them, who they forgot.
“Kotone,” Yukari says, her voice all choked and muffled and hoarse. “You were in that Velvet Room thing, too, right? This whole year, you've both been in there.” She gets no response, but bulls on anyway. “You... You should know what's happening to him. Right?”
Kotone looks up carefully, her eyes bloodshot and her face completely white. She swallows hard. “I don't know what's happening to him,” she admits. “All I do know... is he's not gonna wake up.”
Yukari can only stare, and shake her head, and say, “No. He's not gonna die. He wouldn't.”
“There is no logical reason to believe Makoto-san is dying,” Aigis says.
“See!? He's gonna be fine. He just needs rest. You said yourself, most of his issues are probably just from malnutrition. He'll get IV fluids, and good rest, and then... And he'll be fine.”
She stands abruptly, shaking from head to toe. “I'm going back to the dorm. He's gonna be fine, so there's no reason for me to just sit around here. They'll tell us when he wakes up, and that'll be that.” Without another word, she stomps out of the room, trying hard to hold back her tears.
-
The others return eventually, but no one talks. Or eats. Or does much of anything.
Mitsuru and Aigis are the only two who don't return. Mitsuru claims she has to handle things at the hospital, and Aigis isn't going to leave Makoto's bedside until he wakes up. It's fine. They'll let her know when he wakes up, and then she'll head back. She leaves her phone on ring just in case.
When exhaustion takes her over, she heads to his room almost by reflex. She buries herself in his sheets, breathing in his scent, and tells herself over and over and over again that he will wake up, and that he'll be fine. And then she can apologize for forgetting, for leaving him in agony for that torturous month, for not being there when he needed her most, and-
Her heart starts to beat all the faster, and her breaths become more and more shallow. Almost unthinkingly, she throws herself off the bed and grabs one of the paper bags from Makoto's little stash, breathing into it and trying to steady herself.
I can't do this to myself, she thinks, aggressively. I can't lose my resolve, because any time that's happened in the past, Makoto was the one to comfort me, and he's not able to right now, and-
Her breathing only becomes all the harder, and she tries to clear her mind of all thoughts, positive or negative. It's not easy, but she manages it, eventually.
When she finally tosses aside the bag, she bolts from his room and heads downstairs to the lounge, desperate to not be here anymore. Everyone else is still there, and Mitsuru returned at some point. She's pacing back and forth, occasionally pulling out her phone and impatiently checking it for updates. Akihiko stands with his arms against the back of a couch, looking down at the spot where Ken sits, clutching at Koromaru. Fuuka is trembling, her gaze locked on the space in front of her. Junpei continues to tap his foot on the ground, just like he had at the hospital.
Kotone, for her part, sits in an armchair and stares dead ahead, her face blank and ghostly. Her eyes couldn't possibly be redder, but she isn't crying. She just looks petrified.
Yukari lets out a cold breath and takes a seat on the couch next to Fuuka, and drums her fingers on her leg, waiting for news.
Aigis
She stands over him, watches him, and yet nothing changes.
The machines beep at the same rate. His breathing is steady, but shallow. His pulse does not change. Everything is stable, everything is consistent. That is a good thing. She thinks it is, anyway.
She'd avoided him for the entirety of February, unable to bear the thought that he might have forgotten her. The idea of looking him in the eyes and seeing a complete lack of recognition had been horrifying beyond her wildest nightmares, and so she'd stayed away. She'd checked in occasionally, and she'd seen how tired he was, but she hadn't thought anything of it.
A machine cannot understand life, and therefore cannot understand death. Why did I think I'd reached the answer, when it is impossible?
The last real contact she'd had with him was on the night of February second. She had engaged her stealth mode and sneaked into his room, which Yukari-san was not sharing with him at the time. She placed his Evoker with the rest of his equipment, watched him sleep for a few moments, and then left him. That was all. It hadn't felt right for her to hold onto his Evoker after he abandoned it. She had to get it back to him, despite the risks.
That feels silly now, in retrospect. He had remembered, he had said so himself. They had all forgotten, and yet Makoto had remembered, the entire time. She never had to flee from him. She could have been with him the whole time, could have been the anchor he needed in the time when he was most isolated. Instead, she'd sealed herself away, and forced him into solitude, and they had both suffered for it.
She will apologize for it. That will be the first thing she does when he opens his eyes. He will open his eyes, after all. There is no reason to think otherwise.
“Messiah,” he'd called, the most magnificent and impossible power I have ever seen. Messiahs always have two things in common: they save the world, and they...
She shakes her head. She will not allow herself to think on that.
Ordinary visiting hours don't start until 8:00, but Mitsuru-san shows up at 7:00. She nods at Aigis upon entering the room, then looks down on their friend with concern. “Any changes, Aigis?”
“Not that I have observed. The doctors would know better than me.”
The doctors had been coming and going all night. Usually they just check a few different things and then leave. Aigis doesn't really know what they're doing. She leaves them to their work, and they leave her to hers. Mitsuru had pulled some strings to ensure she wouldn't be removed from the room. Not that anyone could have managed such a feat. She swore to remain by his side, and so she will.
Yukari-san and Kotone-san both arrive at 8:00 on the spot. Kotone-san looks as weak as her brother, which confuses Aigis. He is in no danger. He is simply tired and malnourished. He will recover. There is no need for worry.
Yukari-san kneels down, grasps Makoto-san's hand, and whispers something to him that he most likely cannot hear. Aigis could strain herself to eavesdrop, but she chooses not to. She accepted her place in Makoto-san's life, and she will not interfere with his relationship.
Aigis takes the moment to study Makoto-san's face. He looks thinner than he did when she saw him last. His hair looks duller, and more matted. From what she's heard, he's been doing almost nothing but sleeping recently, ignoring even food. It's hard to imagine someone like Makoto-san being so inactive. He was always doing something. Always.
After a long few moments, Yukari-san straightens, kisses him on the forehead, and then turns away, wiping away tears from her face before leaving the room. Kotone-san stares down at her brother for a second longer before following after her.
Aigis remains where she is.
A tide of people show up not long after that. Friends of Makoto-san's, demanding to see him. Aigis overhears the arguments through the door, and identifies some of the voices. Kenji-san, Kazushi-san, Odagiri-san, Chihiro-san, Yuko-san, Keisuke-san... and more. She knew most of Makoto's social circle, but she has blind spots like any person. That shouldn't be, though. I am a machine. How can I make mistakes?
None of them are permitted to enter, and a little while later, Ken-san, Akihiko-san, and Junpei-san arrive. None of them say a word. Akihiko-san readjusts the sheets, and Junpei brushes Makotos's hair back over his right eye. When he notices the three others watching him, he shrugs. “He always wore it like that. Never asked why. But just 'cuz he ain't conscious doesn't mean we should ignore what he wants, right?”
It's reasonable enough, Aigis supposes. She had always wondered why Makoto-san wore his hair over one eye. It would limit his vision in an unacceptable way. To confirm this, she had once temporarily disabled vision in her own right eye, and found fighting much more difficult. Despite this, Makoto never struggled with the same issues.
He saved us all. He summoned the most incredible Persona any of us have seen, and he fought against Death itself with that power. Why should the lack of proper vision impair someone like that?
The others leave after a while, and Aigis is left alone with him once again. She steps forward and looks down upon him, unsure what she should be looking for. He looks even paler than before. His breaths seem just a little more shallow than before. When she inspects the heart monitor, she notices that his pulse is ever so slightly lower.
The day passes by slowly. Noon comes and goes, and then the sun begins to set. People come and go. Fuuka-san comes several times, but leaves swiftly each time. When Aigis asks her about this behavior, she shakes her head rapidly, causing her tears to fly to either side, before bolting from the scene with extreme haste.
She can sense things the others can't, some part of Aigis tells her, but she ignores this. Makoto-san will wake up. There is no reason to think otherwise.
Yukari-san appears and reappears frequently. That doesn't particularly surprise Aigis. “There's nothing to worry about, right, Aigis?” she asks, softly, her eyes never leaving Makoto.
“No,” Aigis says, insists, because there isn't anything to worry about. “I see no reason to believe that Makoto-san is in any danger.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Right. He'll be fine. He's always fine, eventually.” The breath she releases is harsh and choppy. “I know there's no reason to worry, but I can't stop coming back here. I can't stop thinking about him.”
“He will wake up,” Aigis says, though she has no way to know this.
“Okay. Okay. If you say so, it has to be true, right?”
“...Understood,” Aigis says, unsure what to make of that claim.
Yukari remains in the room for a long while then, until Mitsuru-san arrives and practically pulls her out of the room, telling her she needs to get some rest. “Let us know if anything changes,” Mitsuru tells Aigis again, and she nods her affirmation. She expects no changes soon.
Around midnight, everything changes.
The machines start to beep louder, the respirator starts to pump faster, an alarm sounds off. Aigis steps forward closer to Makoto, to see that his chest has stopped moving, that his breathing has stopped entirely, and this makes no sense, it does not align with any of what she knows about humans, and-
The door bursts open, and Aigis darts back a foot to allow the doctors to do their work. She wants to protect him, has to save him, but how? They know their work better than she possibly could. She does not understand the human body, cannot understand it. She watches unblinkingly as they dart around the room, begin performing chest compresssions, shout commands to one another. Aigis loses track of all that's happening, everything settling into a blur. She realizes after a moment that she has become blinded by tears.
And then they pull off the mask and turn off the machines, disable the alarms, and pull the sheets over his face, and these are all actions that would be taken upon calling the time of death, and that makes no sense, because Makoto cannot be dead, would not allow himself to die, cannot-
A hand takes Aigis by the arm, and she allows herself to be dragged from the room, her eyes never leaving the bed, her face streaked with tears. And then she's sitting on a chair outside the room, feeling cold and uncertain and frightened, and a thousand other emotions she's never had to feel before. The nurse is explaining something, but Aigis can't hear any of it. She just nods, staring ahead and hoping that this is nothing more than a nightmare.
Kotone
All of them sit in the lounge, saying nothing.
It's nearing midnight, but they're used to staying up this late. They used to do it every night, to fight in Tartarus during the Dark Hour. There's no real reason to do it tonight, but they do anyway. None of them want to sleep. None of them really can sleep.
We were pulled into the Velvet Room, and Igor offered us the Universe arcana, and he said there would be a price to pay, but he never said it would be death. That was just what I thought. It doesn't have to be true. Aigis is right, his vital signs are stable, and there's no reason to suspect he's going to die. He wouldn't die on me. He wouldn't.
Kotone distracts herself from her thoughts by looking at the others. Mitsuru paces back and forth by the front counter, occasionally pulling out her phone and checking it impatiently for texts and calls that haven't arrived yet. Akihiko leans against the wall, messing with his boxing gloves. Ken sits with Koromaru on the floor, the two of them leaning on one another for comfort. Fuuka looks smaller than ever, curled up on the couch. Junpei's eyes dart around the room at a rapid pace.
And, well, Yukari looks like she's on the verge of an anxiety attack, and Kotone can't really blame her for that. There's nothing any of them can do. They just have to sit here and wait.
Mitsuru's phone finally rings a little after midnight. She answers it immediately, practically shouts at the poor person on the other end. The voice says something in return, something Kotone is too far away to hear. And then Mitsuru's arm falls to her side, and she slides to the ground, crouching on the floor and burying her head in her knees, and something like a sob escapes from her.
“M-Mitsuru?” Kotone manages.
Only then does Mitsuru seem to recall that she's not alone here. She looks up, and her teary eyes dart from one person to the next. Then she stands and rushes towards the door, mumbling, “I have to go.”
She disappears outside.
“She left her phone,” Junpei says.
Kotone stands and grabs it off the floor. The person on the line is trying to get Mitsuru's attention back. “What the hell happened?” Kotone demands.
“Who is this?”
“I'm Kotone Yuki, Makoto Yuki's sister. Tell me what the hell happened!”
The voice hesitates, then sighs. “I'm so sorry, Yuki-san... Your brother just passed away.”
Everything in her goes cold. The blood drains, and the strength leaves her arm. The phone slips from her fingers and falls to the ground.
“Kotone?” a voice says. She has no idea who it belongs to.
Stumbling, Kotone gets back to the armchair and falls into it, staring ahead and trying hard not to let her breathing get too intense. It's easier said than done. She feels like she could have a heart attack right now. Honestly, this is worse than every single panic attack she's had in her entire life.
“Kotone.” She turns her head to see Yukari staring at her, wide-eyed. Her voice comes out more like a hiss than anything else. “What did they say?”
“H-he...” Her voice chokes up, and she has to swallow hard just to make her throat usable again. “He's... gone. Makoto's dead.”
She doesn't actually see any of the reactions to that news. Saying it aloud makes it true. Instantly, she falls into herself, curling up into a ball on this chair and sobbing into her knees.
Her stupor is only interrupted when she hears a violent crashing sound, and when she looks up she sees that Akihiko has punched a hole in the wall. He pulls his fist out, inspects the damages, then scowls and stomps off.
It's only then that she sees the others. Fuuka is in pretty much the same state as Kotone, sobbing in the fetal position. Junpei has gone completely pale and stiff, looking quite a bit like a corpse himself. Ken is clutching Koromaru tightly, crying softly into his fur. And Yukari is holding onto the couch with such intensity that the fabric might just rip, her eyes wide and bloodshot and her jaw quivering.
It's too much. It's way, way too much, and she can't breathe anymore. Her sobs cut through her body like a thousand knives, and she hasn't ever felt this helpless and alone and scared in her entire life, even when she stood at death's door herself. Because never, never did she think she would have to be without Makoto, without her twin, her other half, the most dear person in her life.
And he knew, she finds herself thinking, recalling all the times in the last month that he assured them that he was fine, when really he was dying, falling apart bit by bit, all while they just remained stupid and ignorant, blissfully unaware of the enormity of the price he had paid for their safety.
The dam of emotions breaks for Yukari all at once. Kotone looks up carefully as she hears her friend suddenly break into a series of full-body sobs, collapsing into herself and crying into her hands. And that's the end of Kotone's strength, too. The tears burn through her eyes like acid, her body giving way to hiccoughing sobs. It feels like her whole body is being crushed.
She has absolutely no idea how long she stays there. It doesn't matter. Her brother's dead. There's no point in bothering anymore.
Junpei
He honestly has no idea what to do.
Yukari and Kotone both stumbled up to their rooms a little before sunrise, but Fuuka's still down here, still lying in the place on the couch Makoto used to lay on, still holding her head in her hands and trembling. Ken fell asleep not too long ago, having finally cried enough for one night. Koromaru fell asleep with him, but even the dog looks unhappy.
Junpei hasn't cried. He hasn't moved a muscle. He's been staring ahead at a spot on the wall for the past... what, seven hours? Longer? He has no idea. He feels frozen in place, unable to move or talk or even really think.
Makoto's dead. One of his closest friends, his best friend's boyfriend, his other best friend's twin. The guy who could fight like no one else. The guy he'd been so jealous of for so long.
He wonders, somewhere in his heart, whether he would've been jealous back then if he'd known what was gonna happen.
Because all the strength and power in the world is fucking worthless if you've gotta die when it's all done, and Makoto should have been able to do all this without dying, because he's the strongest goddamn person on the planet, and there's no way a guy like that should just keel over and die in the end.
The hero ain't supposed to die, and no one could deny that Makoto was the hero. Not even Junpei, who had so desperately wanted that role for himself. This isn't how it's supposed to end. Makoto was supposed to walk into the sunset, wasn't he? That smile he'd worn more and more throughout the year was supposed to become permanent. The world was supposed to be saved, and it was, he guesses, but what does it matter? What good is the world if someone like Makoto Yuki won't get to see it?
He finds himself thinking of the night Chidori died, when he'd looked in desperation to Makoto for help, thinking there was nothing that guy couldn't do. Yesterday, when he'd visited the hospital, he caught himself doing the same thing: looking to Makoto for help. But Makoto couldn't help, because Makoto was the one in trouble. And none of them could do a damn thing.
What the hell did he even do to stop the Fall? All Junpei remembers is that Persona, that glittering gold statue of a Persona. He remembers Makoto screaming out “Messiah!” with all his might, his voice reaching a volume Junpei honestly hadn't thought possible of him. And then he'd floated up to face Nyx directly, and they'd all felt like he was never gonna come back, and then he did, but-
But was it even real? Was he even really here this past month? He'd been dead on his feet the whole time, barely able to get himself out of bed. And they'd all been concerned, yeah, but none of them could have guessed what was really happening.
The door opens a little while later, maybe around 10:00. Mitsuru and Aigis walk in together. Aigis' eyes aren't red, probably can't turn red, but the tears are obvious on her face. She gives one look at the lounge and then races towards the steps as fast as her limbs will take her. She disappears up them in a flash.
Mitsuru sighs, and Junpei realizes that he's never seen her look this bad, even when her own father died. Her face is caked with sweat and ruined makeup. There are tear tracks all along her cheeks, and her eyes are red and puffy. Her hair is matted and tangled, and her arms are trembling. She lowers herself onto the armchair Kotone had been sitting in last night, her legs getting weaker by the moment.
“Where are Kotone and Yukari?” she asks softly.
Junpei considers leaving these questions for Fuuka, but she's in no condition to talk. He doesn't really feel like it, either, but someone's gotta do it. “They went to their rooms,” he says, and it feels like he hasn't said a word in a hundred years. His throat feels scratchy.
Mitsuru sighs. “I... I don't know what to do, Junpei.”
“Me either. Man, I just...”
“The hospital is looking to me for all the paperwork, since the Kirijo Group technically adopted him, but his next of kin is required to sign off, and I don't know when Kotone will be able to, and-” She cuts herself off with a choking sob, planting her head in her hands. “I never thought...”
Junpei has to hold back his own tears. Now that he's seeing someone like Mitsuru falling apart, it's harder to keep his own grief in check. “None of us did.”
She shakes her head. “There will need to be a funeral. But... we can't tell anyone what really happened, and that is so terribly unfair. He gave his life for this world, and it will never know.”
“Well... we know, right?”
“Perhaps. But we didn't remember until it was too late. He spent that month alone, even when we were all here. He remembered, I am certain of it.”
Man, Junpei hadn't even considered that. He figured Makoto had some idea of his own impending death, but... yeah, come to think of it, he probably did remember everything. Meanwhile they'd all sat in their ignorance, thinking he was just regular sick, when he was dying, and-
There's just no way to stop himself from crying at that point.