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He didn’t bother to move just yet. His head hurt, throbbing and aching, and his mouth was parched. The idea of taking a glass of slimy slum water didn’t appeal to him. Refusing to open his eyes Cloud clenched his fists, nails digging into the bare palms. The pain was worse than the day before, or any day that he could remember. Anyone else would have contributed his condition to the bottle of whiskey sitting on the floor by his bed but not Cloud -he didn’t get drunk easily and even then he usually recovered amazingly fast because of the mako enhancements. Besides, he clearly remembered that the bottle had been only half full.
“Not like it’s going to do anything for me, but wanna grab a drink with me when we get back?”
“I’m underage Z—"
Another bout of pain made the blonde clench his jaw, teeth grinding as he kept the sound of pain from escaping his lips. Forcing his eyes open he briefly wondered if he was remembering incorrectly and maybe he did drink the full bottle, but he quickly pushed the thought aside when the light did nothing for his headache. His eyes refused to focus, the image of his sparsely furnished room layered with images that all blended into a static that filled his vision and hearing. Cloud slowly turned to his back and then slowly to his left side. He closed his eyes again, the distortion of his vision making him feel nauseous even more so than the persistent headache that accompanied it.
There was a gentle knock on the door and Cloud prayed that it was Marle dropping off another water filter and not Tifa asking him to take a job with her. His prayers were not answered.
“Hey, Cloud? Biggs said that there is another Wererat infestation in Scrap Boulevard, making people a bit jumpy since one of the Neighbourhood Watch boys got bitten. He asked if we could take care of it and anything else out there before sundown, so the guys can go scavenge some parts.” Tifa’s voice sounded gentle as it always did, felt like honey in tea, soothing the aching throat -or ears in this case.
Cloud forced his eyes open, noting that distortion was slightly less distracting than it had been when he woke up -a few minutes ago or had it already been hours? - and he sighed. Forcing himself to stand the mercenary heard Tifa shuffle and knock again.
“Cloud?” She asked once more, and he could hear the hint of worry in her voice. Rubbing a tired hand over his face, Cloud sighed again before responding, trying to keep the tiredness and pain from his voice.
“Yeah, I heard. Give me a minute and we can go.” He called while planting his feet a bit more firmly onto the dirty floor, fighting against the dizziness that was making his vision swim in addition to the distortion and static he was seeing and hearing.
“Okay! I’ll wait for downstairs!” The was a shuffle and a squeak of sneakers on metal as Tifa headed away from the door.
Cloud lowered his hand, staring at it for a few seconds before quickly making his way to small bathroom and getting ready to head out. Flicking off the light in the stall after, striding over and grabbing the Buster sword and hefting it onto his back. He donned the gloves, checking over the materia there, before running a hand through his hair and walking out of the door. He was pretty sure that despite the lingering distortion around the edges of his vision it had not been more than two minutes since Tifa had left. He walked past her door and just before stepping onto the stairs, he cast a look to the town before from his vantage point.
Tifa had been right to the say that people were a bit more cautious that day, the normally busy streets of the slums were pretty much empty and those few that were out, were holding a weapon. The smog was unusually heavy and Cloud frowned as he looked out toward the Scrap Boulevard. The day was not turning out to be a very nice one. He sighed, and headed down the stairs, watching as Tifa chatted with Marle who was chuckling and smiling. He felt like he shouldn’t intrude, so he didn’t interrupt and waited for the pair to finish their chat.
Tifa waved Marle goodbye and turned to head over to him, with the gentle smile and happy shine to her eyes, while Cloud met Marle’s warning eyes: don’t make Tifa sad. Message received Cloud thought and nodded to the old woman in acknowledgment before starting to walk with Tifa toward their destination.
“Marle still giving you those looks, huh?” Tifa asked as she waved her hand and smiled at Wymer who nodded toward them in gratitude. Cloud tilted his head in greeting to the man and the pair continued on.
“She’s just being careful, can’t blame people here for being cautious. I always am.” Cloud told her and kept his gaze in front of him, grateful that his vision was slowly returning to normal.
“I guess, I just hope she isn’t making you too uncomfortable.” Tifa said, and Cloud recognised the question underneath it. Are you alright?
“No, it’s fine.” I can take care of myself, Tifa.
She looked at him and he turned to meet her eyes, reassuring that everything was fine. Her eyes catalogued his face, making sure that he was not lying to her. Cloud thanked any and all gods listening that the headache and distortion had almost vanished at that point. He was good with masks when need be, but there was a limit to how much you could hide if you couldn’t even walk straight let alone think. Tifa seemed to find him truthful and a smile spread upon her cherry lips.
“That’s good. Alright then, let’s get this done!” Her energy was infectious, and Cloud hid a small smile beneath the emotionless mask he had been perfecting. She truly was one of a kind.
But was she truly even Tifa?
“She’s lying to you.”
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The day was spent well, hunting down the vermin that crawled out from the scrapyard. Tifa and Cloud took a break in the afternoon, situating themselves on one of the high rock formations in the area. Cloud scanned the area and then sat down after removing the large blade form its place on his back and situating it on a rock beside himself. Tifa was gulping down water from one of the bottles she had brought along. She tossed him one and Cloud nodded his thanks before ripping open the seal and taking small sips. One sure way to get sick was to chug it all down in one go.
“Come on, Cloud. That’s it. Small sips. You’re doing good, we’re almost there. Just little more.”
The flash of static filled his vision and hearing for less than a heartbeat before retreating once more. The attacks varied in length, their intensity and the amount that Cloud could actually understand. There were some that seemed to go on forever yet he wouldn’t remember or understand half of it, but then others that seemed obvious. Like the burning town –
Fire consumed his vision, seared his skin. Smoke burned his lungs, eyes watering from the harsh sting of the fumes, the heat drying the salty liquid in seconds, leaving salty trails on his skin. It hurt, it burned, but more than that his heart was broken, shattered. His lungs heaved from the smoke but the suffocating feeling of his whole world turning to dust was nothing compared to the horror of his world being destroyed by that one man.
He coughed, desperately trying to clear his air ways of the smoke and fire---
Out came green liquid, dripping down his hair, his face and clothes. Pain and more pain and screams---
“Cloud?” Tifa asked, looking out toward the sector 7 slums.
He turned his attention to her, carefully taking another sip from the bottle, this time unaccompanied by another flash.
“What is it?” He asked.
She looked beautiful, light and darkness dancing across her fair skin. Long dark hair brushing against the dusty rock-
Silver locks that swirled in a gentle breeze, snow catching on it and then being tugged free by a stronger gust of wind. A glint of steel and then a woosh of cold fall air splitting around the sharp edge of---
“I know that you said you would be around for a while… but what are you planning on doing after?” She asked and Cloud forced his expression to remain neutral.
“Maybe look for work around Midgard after a while. I think that it’s best not to set down roots here, not when Shinra would love to have my head on a pike.” He replied, carefully not revealing that he actually had no idea. But travelling sounded good. He hated sitting still for too long.
“Settle down.”
“No can do.”
“I see.” She replied and Cloud hummed. It was better that he didn’t give her false hope. After all, where he once held desperate affection and embarrassment, there was now a void that he had filled with death, destruction and shattered moments that he couldn’t quite piece together. Like placing filling into a pothole. It might be enough to let you travel over it safely for a while, but eventually the hole would be revealed once more. He couldn’t let her see---
“Cloud, you’re mine. No one else will have you. You’re mine and together, we shall change this world.”
She couldn’t find out that he had changed and that whatever he felt now, all of it was formed into a spear that he swore to drive into the heart of Shinra, into the heart of Sephiroth---
“Oh, you need not remind me.”
Gentle hands, larger than his own, cradled his face. So warm on his freezing skin, so careful and loving. Whispered words of love and affection in the darkest moments of his life. Pleasure racing across his skin, filling his mind with a warm haze that should’ve been terrifying but felt so much like home. Deep voice, loving promises, worshipping hands caressing and taking him apart.
Pain. A cold steel that ripped trough his skin, skewering him like a piece of meat. Darkening vision, a scream lingering on his lips, blood pooling in his mouth. Arrogant smirk directed toward him, green eyes locked with his. A promise of ---
“I guess I hoped you would stay here.” Tifa said, her posture screaming out her disappointment.
“I’ll save you.”
“Please, give me a number!”
“A failure!”
“My puppet.”
“I can’t. I wish I could, really. Those guys seem like a good punch, if not a bit naïve and idealistic. But it’s not a good idea.” He told her, the green flicker fading from his vision once more as he let his gaze drift from Tifa toward the other side of the rocks, the last few areas that they hadn’t been able to clear yet. The evening was fast approaching and Cloud stood up, hefting the Buster sword onto his back with no effort.
It was heavy, the blade that he had crafted. Even heavier was the look of hope that she and the kids gave. And the heaviest thing of all? The wing that he feared would one day grace his back.
“I wish it wasn’t like this, that things… could be like they were before.” She whispered and had Cloud been normal, he wouldn’t have heard her. But he did and frowned as he opened his mouth to respond before a flash of a black feather caught his attention.
He yearned for something more, something else aside from her soft touch and desperate looks. The passion was undeniable, but it lacked when Clou compared it to what HE made him feel. The pleasure that he felt with her paled in comparison to the rapture of the reunion with HIM.
Cloud considered the black feather, so out of place yet so clearly meant to be, with interest and curiosity that he knew wasn’t entirely his own.
Nothing about him was his own anymore, it was stolen memories of Z***, glimpses of Angeal, forgotten childhood moments and his wild dreams of being a hero. A sledgehammer had been taken to it all, everything smashed to nothing and then sewn together with most of the pieces missing or tainted beyond repair. He was nothing but what little he remembered of his childhood, delusions and Sephiroth’s meddling.
“I’m not that person anymore.” Cloud told her but wondered if he meant something else. After all was he even a person after everything that Hojo had done?
“Sometimes I don’t even know who I am.”
“You’re okay. You’re going to be o—”
“Come to me, Cloud.”
“I’m trying to find the real you.”
Tifa sighed and then she stood as well. He recognised that this talk was not over, that her heart was not yet ready to understand that-
“You’re mine Cloud. Don’t deny me, embrace me.”