Archive of Our Own

Mob isn't of the habit of leaving his phone silent, at most he has it on vibrate when he can't have it be a bother, when awake Mob can get to it regardless unless he's asleep, he's a heavy sleeper, Ritsu has teased him a million times that he'd sleep through an earthquake and has in a way, once or twice after using too much of his power. 

Voicemails are rare, missed calls in the middle of the night are not something Mob is used to, it sends him on a strange sense of alarm, specially when he reads who the insistent caller was. In this day and age people rarely leave voicemails, not when you could send a direct message, this was a missed call. Several in fact. 

Mob pressed play on the voicemail with a heavy feeling in his chest, the message was prefaced by silence, but not pure silence, a rhythmic thump thump was heard as well as a sharp clinking like glass sound, a sudden knot of worry tied itself inside Mob's stomach. 

"Hey you," Reigen's voice drawled.

Mob hadn't spoken with his former mentor in quite some time, the urge to keep Reigen safe he felt when he was younger faded as Serizawa proved himself to be more capable as resident psychic and later after Mob graduated college and entered into the workforce and reigen decided to quit the psychic side of his business, not for lack of help despite Serizawa moving onto other more lucrative work, the psychics Reigen had helped reintegrate into society were always available-Mob was too if Reigen asked nice enough-everyone had felt distraught after losing the place but respected Reigen's choice. Without the office he was harder to locate, in the past three or so years Reigen had mentioned 10 new professions, places he worked at for short periods of time and then quit, he said it was fun to try so many things but Mob had doubts he never bothered voicing. 

"It has been ages hasn't it?" Reigen continued after a pause. Mob thought he sounded normal, maybe inebriated, that was a rare possibility but it was one. "We haven't spoken in... so long... I feel like... like I don't even remember your voice though I really do, it's all soft and with an edge of childish even after all these years, a dash of monotonous as hell too… can't even lie. Of course I know your voice, I know it like I know every part of your face and the particular way you started parting your hair or the-the mole you have right under your left ear, sorry that's... dumb uh anyway," Reigen cleared his throat and Mob heard the clinking sound of glass again. "I thought you'd pick up, guess you are asleep, I uh thought it'd be a g-good idea to-to chat with you, or that you'd want to, like before when you'd come to me and we'd chat for hours or well you'd let me chat you up for hours, anything to have your eyes on me huh?" the man laughed dryly. 

Mob puts his phone on speaker and walks towards the bathroom, he picks up his toothbrush. 

"I... I miss you, so much, you've no idea, it's like-like, I don't have a frame of reference okay? I just do! And I tried, you know? To stop, to not pro-project or whatever the fuck that therapist said, doesn't work. Anyway like I'd deserve someone like you caring about m-e." Reigen heaved out a sigh, the glasses clinked again, he heard him swallow down his drink. "Anyway I mean I'm talking to the phone, so to me again, like every single night, you are not listening, this is so stu-pid," he hiccuped.  "I had to at least... say it, I can't keep, can't-I'm done with this stupid ugh," the rustle of fabric could be heard and a heavy thump, a breath drawn too close to the phone's speakers and Reigen's voice became heavy. "I love you, it's uh not a big deal, don-don't worry or-or reply or care or, I just I thought, the liquid courage alcohol that made me think that I could-or-or I don't know I-sorry this was so-I love you, that's not a lie, I... this is stupid I'm-delete-delete message-" 

The message ended, Mob put his phone down and went on with his morning routine, he had to go to work. 

Throughout the day Mob couldn't put the message out of his mind, the uneasy feeling didn't leave despite knowing that Reigen wasn't in immediate danger. After work Mob was tired, a little too tired but he made sure to call once he got home. 

Reigen picked up his phone precisely after three rings, as usual. 

"Yo Mob, long time no speak! How have you been?" the man started cheerfully before Mob could even utter a word, the usual.  

"Shishou, it's um..." Mob suddenly felt quite dumb, what was he to say? Reigen had... told him that he loves him, he didn't specify but Mob had the feeling he didn't mean it in the way Mob has always felt about him. "You called last night."

There was an advantage to being so socially clueless, Mob could sneak in blunt questions and people often thought he was unaware. 

"No I didn't," Reigen countered almost too quickly. "I was out all night with my colleagues from the fire department."

"Fire department?" Mob asked. 

"Didn't I tell you? I decided on another career change! I saw this recruitment ad for the fire department and it seemed like a worthwhile job, I'm in training at the moment, doing pretty well."

"That is nice Shishou," Mob bites back the protesting dangerous , Reigen doesn't take him fussing over him too well. 

"I know! I feel like I finally found the one thing I feel like I should be doing," Reigen said. 

"I'm glad for you Shishou."

"Right, so sorry to cut this short unless you need something?"

Reigen is an expert at running from conversations he'd rather not have, Mob almost forgot. 

"Were you drunk when you called last night?"

"Er-Yeah! But how did you know? I checked while I was talking and I don't have a recorded call to you, I called my-"Reigen's voice cuts short, Mob hears sounds of tapping. "N-no, no calls to your number, sure it was me?"

Mob could recall Reigen's shaky longing filled voice... there's so much Mob doesn't know about Reigen and he hadn't said his name during the call had he?

"I guess it wasn't for me," Mob concluded. 

"Yeah yeah, so, I'm busy right now, what with training and all but maybe this weekend, if we are free we could…?" Reigen trails off in invitation. 

"I have a date with Tsubomi-chan," Mob said, he'd been anticipating it for weeks, she was a busy woman any chance Mob could get to see her was golden, he never stopped being smitten with her after all, and distantly held onto the hope she'd see him in a different light.

"Wow are you finally dating then?"

Mob couldn't really tell at the time but Reigen's tone changed, it became duller, forced. 

"No, it's a friendship date," Mob blushed despite himself. 

"Bummer, she's missing out," Reigen said reassuringly. 

"It's okay Shishou."

"Okay then, see you at some point Mob!"

"Goodbye Shi-"Reigen hung up before Mob could finish the sentence. 

It was an odd interaction. But what interaction wasn't odd when it came to Reigen?

It's a few months later when Mob finds another string of missed calls and a voice message awaiting. 

It's the middle of the night and Mob awakes from a not particularly remarkable dream to a blinking notification on his phone. 

Three missed calls from Reigen and a voicemail from two hours ago. Mob rubbed the sleep off his eyes and dragged the phone under the covers to listen to it. 

The message starts in silence, no clinking glasses and faint murmurs, the static of the line for over 40 seconds, Mob checks the timer and is startled by the rustle of fabric and a deep intake of breath. 

"Hey you, it's been a while lately for what was it the past five fucking years I think,” Reigen spits, his tone is raspy and venomous in a way Mob can't recall ever hearing. “I mean, you got your life so I can't really blame you, not all of us can afford having empty fucking lives can we? You have that girl and your family and the million fucking friends who just, adore you," the bitterness is palpable in his voice. "I'm sorry I," he swallows. "I can't stop , nothing helps I keep," A tap on something wooden but not glass. "I'm thinking about you now, calling you now, because I always think about you, not a day goes by where I don't at least picture what you are doing or stalk you on social media just to see if you cut your hair or if you seem happy, but you never post anything so it's all my imagination and those pictures I have of you, but the last I took was six months ago and I'm in it and I hate how you can just tell how much I-" he swallows. "I don't know, I mean, I'm good at convincing people, I should be better with words shouldn't I? In my defense I am not a poet or whatever so yeah I meant I think about you all the time because you are the only, the-the best thing that's ever happened in my life, excuse me for being so cheesy but I, I mean it, it's the truth, it sucks. I don't know why but I, I can't, so nothing, just love you. I had this speech, this thing this old-old therapist told me to do so I'd get this shit off my chest and it's worse than me babbling drunk out of my mind and you are not even there so it's worse, so much worse, I'm tired I-it doesn't matter, I love you that's-have a goodnight."

The message ends, Mob rubs his face, it is barely four in the morning, he has to be up at six. He's too tired to deal with it, he places his phone under his pillow, the volume turned to max and promptly falls asleep.

Mob hears the phone ring and ring, his message unread for over ten hours now, a part of him is starting to worry, another part dreads him picking up, dreads with the uncomfortable feeling that the first message he ignored and this second one brought.

Reigen is important to Mob, like a family member, a dear friend, Mob loves and cares about Reigen, but they don't keep a close and honest relationship, Reigen made sure of that.

Before Mob can start debating if showing up at his apartment to check up on him would be a step too far Reigen picks up, cheerful and lively as usual.

Mob goes through the usual pleasantries, enduring them, Reigen changed jobs again, he has a lot to say about it, usually Mob would find it fascinating, his voice a soothing companion as he finishes chores, he doesn't feel it now, recalling the shift from anger to bitterness to sadness from the call.

“Shishou,” Mob interrupts. “You called again.”

“No I didn't, anyways as I was saying-”

“You called ,” Mob insists, feeling more than weary with the situation.”At two AM in the morning. Shishou you said you-”

Reigen curses and groans at the other end of the line, a dull thud makes Mob blink. “Mob listen, I am so profoundly sorry you had to listen to that, I recently, this is hard to talk about, I was in a relationship for… some time… We broke up a couple of months ago and it's been rough for me, I keep making the horrible mistake of calling him when I'm tipsy or vulnerable,” Reigen lets out a heavy breath, his voice turned vulnerable and shaky.

Mob didn’t know Reigen was in a relationship, he never mentioned anyone in all the fifteen years they've known each other, for someone who speaks as much as Reigen he really manages to keep secrets.

“I'm sorry Mob, I swear it won't happen again, I should have deleted his number ages, it's right next to yours, I must have-I'm deeply sorry you had to hear all of that.”

“No,” Mob says, feeling out of the conversation. He doesn't know what to say, how to comfort or confront Reigen, he never did. “It's okay.” Is all Mob manages to say.

“Thank you, and again I'm so sorry, so deeply sorry you have no idea how truly regretful I feel,” Mob thinks his apology is excessive, he also thinks it sounds empty, fake.

Mob should offer sympathy, an open ear and a shoulder to cry on if necessary, Reigen's been all that for him on more occasions than he can count. Mob doesn't want to hear about Reigen's partner, he doesn't want to hear him like he heard him on that last call, it should be a shocking revelation but it's not.

“See you around Mob.” Reigen hangs up. Mob realizes he let the silence drag for an uncomfortable amount of time, it takes him just as long to put down his phone and go back to his routine. 

It happens again. 

A blinking notification, a voicemail after three missed calls.

"Hey you,'' Reigen starts immediately, Mob can tell he's drunk. "How long has it-what's the point?” He groans. "You are not listening… if I'm being honest I'm glad you'll never get to hear any of these things. I thought once that the worst feeling in the world had to be you hating me, but no, seeing pity in your eyes, watching you act all awkward trying to fix me would be so much worse. And… I know you'd try, that is just how… wonderful  you are. I'm so-I wish though wishing is pointless only actions get results right? You know that, you are amazing at that. How silly of me to fall for you right? Instead of I don't know, I don't dwell on what ifs. It baffles me how someone else hasn't snatched you yet, does that girl have rocks for brains? Frustration eats me each time I hear the longing in your voice, you deserve-deserve so much-fuck sorry I didn't mean-"

The line dies.

Mob debates calling Reigen but decides not to. 

At regular intervals, every other week Mob finds a voicemail sent late into the night. The complete despair and wavering emotions from the first couple of calls isn't all Mob hears, Reigen talks to his past lover about everything and anything. 

“Hey you, I think I found a job that is nice at least, at a Petshop as a pet groomer. I wish I could live from this but money is low, soon I’ll have to do real work again. What do you care you might say? I want you to be proud of me… Love you.”

The message ended.

Mob ought to feel bad about the intrusion, a part of him does, another part of him considers it a window into parts of a person he truly cares for that he would not be allowed nearby otherwise.

Mob sends a text asking about how he's been, he gets many pictures of dogs amid haircuts in return, it brings a smile to his face. 

“Hey you, I dreamt about you last night, it was a freaky dream, you were all shadowy and you killed me, I think… I realized I wouldn't mind if you did it,  I'd thank you I guess,” Reigen laughs, giggles even. “That's so dark and messed up, the basis for a healthy relationship am I right? See what I mean about us being so wrong for each other? Love you.” 

The message ended.

Mob dislikes these calls, he hates wondering what type of person Reigen’s past lover must have been to cause these types of feelings in him. Another reason he dislikes them is that the calls make him want to call and check on Reigen but Reigen is the most perceptive person Mob has ever known, he'd know right away Mob kept listening to his misplaced messages, and he'd shut down, downplay his emotions and lie.

With a heavy heart Mob lets his phone fall on his nightstand. 

Some messages… Mob doesn't understand.

“Hey you,” his former mentor's voice sounds heavy and slow, each word uttered with exhaustion. “I saw a boy that looked just like you on the street today and was two seconds from being thrown into jail haha,” a dry humorless laugh. “Something went screwy up there I think. I was all like ‘aww my young student wanna go for ramen’ and the kid karate chopped me! Can you believe it? I have a bruise, you never gave me bruises… well that one time but I've always thought of it as you getting payback for all the damn years I used and underpaid you, I… certainly deserved that, bummer it didn't knock any sense into me, I need it… anyway. I miss you, I love you, bye.”

The message ended.

Reigen only ever took him as a student as far as Mob knows. Mob doesn't understand why the thought of Reigen having another student, someone he never mentioned makes him feel uneasy. 

“Hey you, I was thinking… if you'd like to have coffee with me? I saw you from across the room, not the first time and I just had to speak to you… "

Mob waits with a bated breath.

Reigen bursts into laughter.

"Would you have blown me off? Some forty something year old flirting with you… actually I can imagine it. You'd blink and stareeee for like a long time and I'd be sweating with a wavering smile already wishing I hadn't even tried, and then you'd open your mouth and impassibly say, ‘ I'm not into dudes’ ." Reigen laughs boisterously, a slap is heard across the phone, his fit subsides with a cough and a sigh. "I'd slink back into a corner and after an hour or so of insecurity and self hatred I'd start hating your guts, your loss am I right? I'm so great so great , you know how many fun jobs I've had in the past five years? I could make you laugh, entertain you for hours, I'm a great cook and I'm so hot old ladies swoon if I flip my hair oh and I’m great at giving head, so great, your loss you jackass," his laugh gets softer, he lowers his voice to an almost whisper. "I love you."

The message ended. 

Mob holds the phone to his ear for a long time, until it vibrates with a notification. 

Tsubomi is free this weekend, they can spend it together.

“Hey you, I lost another one, I had to quit, they paid so little, I need my comfy bed, I'm too used to a big life full of luxury.”

Mob now knows Reigen makes terrible jokes when he's most distressed, he didn't know before, now that he does he can't help but think back. 

"You suck at comforting people,” Reigen continues. “I bet you'd say… ‘ uh it's okay, you'll find something that fits you, that makes you happy and all that, everyone has a place .’ Did I say that to you?” Mob doesn't know about his past lover but Reigen said that to him , many many years ago. “I got it from a self-help book, when you first started coming around I thought I couldn't just yosh yosh pat you on the head, I read a few and wrote them down and repeated them when you looked down in the dumps, I bet that's disappointing…” Mob's heart beats loudly inside his chest, raging against his ribcage so hard it hurt. Reigen let out a heavy breath, a loud resounding sound that made Mob think Reigen dropped himself on the floor, but no pained sounds came. “Do you think about me? At least once a month? You stopped texting, I wonder… but why would you? I'm like a weird teacher that you liked as a kid and now keeps popping out and are too awkward to shoo away. Do you feel this way too? About her? I hope not, it's so terrible… you should get what you want, you of all people." A wet sniffle. "I love you."

The message ends, Mob puts his phone in his pocket. 

Reigen lied, why is Mob surprised? 

The next time Mob finds a voicemail he deletes it.

The time after that Mob's thumb hesitates over the delete button. Mob doesn't stop to think what emotion drives him to press play.

“Hey you… I… I bumped into you, but you didn't see me, you even helped me up and you didn't even-was it the hair? Nah, I bet it was the hat, the face mask, I have a nasty cold. I don't think you'd ever ignore me on purpose. Who were those guys with you? More buff club guys? You were smiling, I even heard you laugh I… did I ever tell you how beautiful you are when you laugh? I don't think I ever made you laugh like that… unless I was gasping through cake. I… caught up to it by my 30th and I tripped on purpose, just to see you laugh like that… what a silly prank I… it's just like you… how silly right? Hoping to get your face smashed in cake… loving someone really makes fools of us all." The message ended.

Reigen with his striking blonde hair, Mob could always find him in a crowd, he stood out, a beacon, a spotlight, it shone on him, drew him front and center, Mob had always thought this about the man yet… he didn't see him today, he couldn’t even recall the person he bumped into the street, a blurry memory now changed into the face of his former teacher waiting to be recognized, greeted with affection… Mob didn't see him… he didn't…

The next call happens the following night.

Mob was up but his phone was silent, as it was Mob's new habit to leave it silent upon going to bed. His fingers shook on the play button but he didn't hesitate.

Three missed calls and a voice mail. 

“Hey you, I've come to a conclusion. I can't get over you. And that's bad we established that, okay… I think I should leave the country, change my name and dye my hair red or something, work the fields of some isolated cabin where I'll meet a hunky helpful next door neighbor or forest spirits or I don't know if I haven't watched too many shit happens in an isolated cabin type of movie. I'm deleting your number, both the pretend one and your real one. Why would you call? You must be so busy I don't blame you. Clinging to the hope that something might happen and you'll just… it's pointless, unhealthy blah blah. Ekubo says if I talked to you for real you'd feel the same, that deep down you love me I… you are kind and sweet, you would , I know you'd give me a chance, fuck Mob I want that, so desperately so bad it aches, I think about calling you every night or showing up at your apartment with flowers I know you love… what the fuck is wrong with me? I can't mess you up with my bullshit.” As his speech progresses Reigen's voice becomes shaky, Mob can feel him swallow knot after knot, a badly disguised blubbering mess. “Oh Mob isn't there a magic trick or an esper that can fuck around with brain chemicals that could erase this bullshit from me? I can't do this anymore I can't… ” the last word is a gasp, the line goes silent.

Mob …

Mob recalls the one time Reigen was brought to tears in front of him, his own impassive face reflected in his eyes, Mob had been too busy with his own internal struggle to notice the many tells in his speech and expression, the tears at the corners of his eyes were a surprise, a satisfaction… how many times has Reigen cried over him without Mob even knowing?

Mob brings up Reigen's contact, their last conversation had been shallow, a polite exchange of greetings, most of their conversations are that way. When did that start? Why can't they be like they were?

It's early or late, Reigen must be asleep for a call, Mob sends a text.

-Shishou

The message is read almost immediately. Reigen starts replying.

Mob types before he can reply:

-How have you been?

Reigen's typing stops, Mob holds his phone staring through it, waiting. He should call, but why? What does he want to say?

-hey mob-kun, I've been great what about you?

What happens next is yet another exchange of pleasantries, by the end Mob feels more tired than before so he falls asleep. 

“Hey you… I know you are listening,” Mob clutches his phone tighter reminding himself this is a prerecorded message and not a call. “ I found the backlogs. I know you listened to all my messages. I just wanted to say…” Mob holds his breath. “First fuck you, you should have told me straight away instead of letting me act like a moron. Second, I'm sorry, you won't hear from me again…”

“Shishou…” Mob pleads unconsciously.

“Wait that doesn't mean I'm offing myself so don't freak out. I just don't want to face you, so I'm asking you right now and this is serious. Pay attention,” Mob swallows down a knot. “Please block my number, pretend I'm some old faded memory from your past. That's… all…" Reigen clicks his tongue. "I have that fantasy so often… you somehow find this stupid vent voice journal, I tell you to ignore me and you knock on my door, and we talk, and talk and talk and it’s weird for a very long time because you never know what to say at first, then you kiss me because you feel sorry for me and you don’t want me to… feel sad anymore… it’s a nightmare more than a fantasy, I never push you away I… I suck you in like a fucking vacum, and then I wake up. That’s probably what my personal hell looks like, though I don’t believe in that stuff, I’d likely get stuck as a ghost, it will be like a continuation of this life, I’d haunt the shit out of a family if I could, but a mean one, like some rich morally dubious oil tycoon and his spoiled kids, something like that,” Reigen yawns. “I’m sleepy now, I hope your dreams are sweet, I always do.”

Mob holds his breath even after the message is over, he pressed play, Reigen makes the stupidest jokes when he's most distressed, it's no longer a suspicion but a confirmation. 

Mob doesn't text Reigen. 

“Hey Mob… I don’t know how to say this uh… screw it, I had a freaky sex dream with you again. Don’t judge okay, I saw that picture Ritsu posted of you two in the summer festival, how did you grow up to be so hot? Great genes I guess, anyway that’s the cause I think, that and not getting laid in three years but eh I can’t be bothered. I don’t think I’ve ever told you about this, but I don’t have sex dreams with you , ever . I know how insane that sounds considering I’ve been pining over you for over ten years now, my brain sort of refuses picturing you like that even when I think that you could steam buns on your pecks,” Reigen's laugh is genuine, Mob can distinguish it. “I do think that actually. I think psychologically I have this pure version of you, and thinking of you like that makes me feel like a run of the mill creep instead of a tragic pinning misunderstood lover. So again my subconscious spares me the weird sex fantasies, except last night… ugh it was so terrible, it started as one of those getting together fantasies, I do have those a whole lot, then it went down that road, and you’d think ‘ then you dreamt I fucked you into next tuesday’ , nope not that. Instead I…” Reigen groans and Mob hears several taps. “Why is it hard to say? It’s not like you are even listening.” he lets out a drawn out moan of protest. “You were inside of me,” Mob's face feels hot, he clutches his phone tighter. “Looking at me all loving and perfect and sweet, stupid dream me pushed you away, and had a fun little dream panic attack over the fact that you were happy to have me like that, stupid dream me puked all over the floor and dream you pet dream me’s hair and told me everything was okay and we didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to, and dream me told dream you he was sorry, and dream you just… held him, I don’t know for how long, and that ought to be the most pathetic dream I have ever had in my entire life. The worst part though? That’d be reality, I know that, this is how messed up in the head I am… I never, fucking ever want to picture you like that. I know you are not a little baby or an innocent kid anymore, and I know for a fact that you are in a ‘ phase’ right now, nailing everything that moves, Ekubo told me like holy shit you? I always pictured you like a penguin, cause they mate for life, haha… you kinda look like a penguin… anyway I… it’s another thing to add, the new fact that I could never make love with you cause I’d puke all over your shoes… I bet you wouldn’t care though… you’d be so nice and understanding about it-” the message ends abruptly.

Mob puts his phone down and avoids it for the rest of the day. 

“Hey Mob… my dad died. Wow what a drab opening! Super dramatic and cold right? My mom sobbed for thirty minutes before she told me the old man died…” Reigen lets out a dry chuckle. “I went to the funeral, in fact I just came back… so many relatives I haven't seen in years… and family friends… I think that was the first funeral I've ever gone to, my grandparents were all gone when I was a kid so, funerals are odd huh? I wonder if you would have seen my dad's ghost. I…” he lets out another dry chuckle. “I was so tempted to pretend I saw him and do the whole seance thing I did a million times at Spirits and Such but I'm sure my mother would have smacked me for that, can you imagine? He would have been pissed too, very pissed that I made a fool of myself in front of the extended family, as if it matters what they think about me,” Reigen laughs for a while, it's genuine and it isn't at the same time. “Ok I'll be blunt, I'm calling because my father died and I feel nothing about it… that isn't normal right? My father and me didn't get along too well but he wasn't a bad person, he never beat me or yelled at me, he was distant and cold like I think all men in his generation are but he was nice to mom, they uh… worked together , I never talked to you about them did I? I always thought there was nothing to say about them, I had a normal childhood, really normal, my dad was… he was… past tense…” another dry chuckle. “ I don't have reason to complain, but I want to, I'm not sad he's gone, we hadn't had a real honest conversation in… years . Is it wrong to feel bitter? I have my reasons, yeah I do, he-they, uh had big expectations for me and I didn't meet a single one, visiting them left this air of profound disappointment, and that was it, he didn't reach out and I didn't either, and now he's dead.” Reigen sighs. “I don't know, maybe it will hit me later and then I'll cry about it and ponder my own mortality and all…  I'm sorry I have no real point to make here…”-the message ended. 

Mob doesn't have anything to say but empty condolences so he doesn't text. 

“Hey Mob so, on the topic of dreams again! I had another one with you in it. Maybe I'm nostalgic. I have been spending a lot of time around my mother, she's not grieving well, we are more alike than I thought ha! Sick that I think this is bringing us closer right? Anyways back on dream topic, this was a fun one brace yourself…. Pause for dramatic effect, “ Reigen drum rolls against a surface. “My sister is around my mom too with her little one, my niece is great by the way, you'd like her. Anyway I am pretty sure it is the house, with all of those childhood pictures on the walls, the perfect pictures we painted as a family, the firecracker that is my niece… ok in the dream we were together, it wasn't a super detailed dream, no idea how I won you over or how we managed to marry or even adopt but I dreamt we had a family and it was so nice to think about… me and you and a little one we'd love unconditionally. You'd be such a wonderful dad, you'll be at one point…” the message ended.

“Hey Mob I confess I saw myself in you at first, I was so awkward as a child, none of that popular loved by all lone wolf stuff I told you about. I was too brutally honest and I was always trying to fix people's problems so they'd like me, and worst of all I was loud… so loud, ‘ shut up Arataka ’ was a catchphrase when I was in grade school. When you showed up, I thought if I told you the things that made me fit in more as well as the ways I learned to be a little more of the real me you'd be fine enough and indebted to me so you'd do everything I said. That is how I kept telling myself I was a good person. I wonder what's the difference between you and me? What was the key factor that made you… you while I…. Is it nature versus nurture? I'm jealous but not in a bad way, you are not me, I'm not you, just a thought I guess.” the message ended.

“Hey Mob I often wonder what it’d be like if we were the same age… ” The message ended.

Mob can never decipher what the short messages mean. 

“Hey Mob guess what? I got a dog! A real actual dog! A real actual rescue dog! And she lives with me, and is this how parents feel? Sid you ever watch that movie with the guy with a tiny heart then the heart grows because he did something good or got a kid wait I’m mixing up movies, uh but it’s that feeling, if that’s a feeling… She’s sleeping on my chest! Right now! I didn’t make her she just crawled on me and I want to pee so bad, but if I move she’d lose her comfy bed, so I can’t… I never thought I could love something else as much as you but here I am… that’s a lie…” a whine can be heard. “Sorry baby, you are perfect but I bet once you meet him you’d get it, I bet you’d run and beg to stay with him instead, you get it don’t you,” Reigen coos and inhales deeply. “Ah gosh you stink, you need a bath before bed baby girl let me-” the message ends.

Mob smiles, he's not conscious of it. 

On a horribly cold winter night Tsubomi invites Mob to her apartment, she calls their regular friendly outing a date with all of the gravity Mob has dreamt of, his phone wasn't silent but it was left buried in his bag as he drowned in Tsubomi's arms.

Mob forgets to hear Reigen's message for a whole week. 

“Hey Mob… this is something I've wondered for a while… So I will just say it, all at once no breaks, since you are not listening and I don't have to worry about you understanding what I mean… okay here goes!” Reigen exclaimed. “Imagine someone confessed to you and they said you were the reason they wake up in the mornings but instead of it being some poetic metaphor, like you are my sun my moon, blah blah, they meant it. Y ou could see in their eyes that without you around this person… this person would not want to do much of anything… I… Don't answer! As if you can ha! I pictured that as an exercise I guess and I came to a conclusion. Once you remove the poetic, it's… such a deal breaker? I imagined someone, even you telling me that and I freaked out, cause I would. Why am I the reason you wake up? You should have so much more, a million friends and pets and loving parents that check on you periodically and people that invite you out on random and fun escapades… someone saying you are their all feels like a responsibility, like having a kid. It is a good comparison I think, because the kid depends on you right, you leave them in the bathtub too long and they die and it is your fault because you knew they depended on you remembering that babies drown if you forget them in the tub, I don't want that responsibility. In this hypothetical scenario I mean, I’d freak the fuck out during the first week and ruin everything. So there's reason number 101 why I should never tell you how I feel." The message ended. 

It's an upsetting thought, it makes Mob feel like a horrible person, but for the first time he realizes he's glad for each of the reasons that kept Reigen from confessing his feelings. 

“Hey Mob so… I had a weird night… Ekubo came in wearing that yakuza guy he rents, he does it often, we go for drinks, his name is Yoshioka. We get on fine even with no green snot around, he’s an ex yakuza has so many cool tattoos, getting side tracked sorry. So he came, we went for drinks and half way I notice he’s being nice, too nice, he paid for his tab that is how nice he was acting! You know Ekubo is never too nice for no reason, so I told him to spit it out. Then he goes ‘I have bad news,’” Reigen does a poor impression of Ekubo's gruff voice. “And his bad news, I knew it wasn't anything life threatening because he is not that much of an asshole but he kept teasing me! It took so long to get him to tell me she finally opened her stupid eyes and saw you! I… he thought I’d bawl and drown myself in alcohol or that I'd try something stupid. He…” Reigen pauses, his voice heavy with emotion “He really was worried Mob, I forget Ekubo does care about me, brings a tear to my eye stupid bugger. But why? Why would I feel bad over this? Mob I am so happy for you, I can’t recall the last time I cried while being happy but I did last night and Ekubo thought I was upset, but I wasn’t, oh Mob, I wish you the best, would it be too inappropriate if I went up to her and threatened her? You know like those overprotective dads in American movies that cock their shotguns and are all like ‘hey you treat my baby girl right or I’ll murder you and make it look like an accident.’ Don’t worry I won’t do that though! You must be so happy, I bet you bawled, you big baby, I bet you threw yourself at her feet and worshiped the land she walked on. God Mob you make such a cute couple, your babies will be so cute, name one after me okay? Wait no that’s bad luck, don’t do that. I’m glad, I really am,” his voice is watery and shaky. “Oh Mob, you deserve so much more even and I know you will get it, because the universe righted itself when it made you. I’m so glad my love, that isn’t a lie, I wish it was because I feel absolutely pathetic right now but it’s not. I love you more than you'll ever know and I'm so happy for you.” The message ended.

Mob was happy too. He was.  

“Hey Mob… you and me have something in common I guess, you fell for that girl and ugh sorry she's got a name I should use her name, um anyway, you fell for her and that was it for you. Same for me, I've had some crushes over the years. I am older than you so yeah I have had crushes on people and pinned and got some affection back but I love you ,” Reigen uses a particular intonation with each word. “I've only ever loved you . You'll think I am a moron but I … I really only realized this now. I thought back, wondered if I ever got to this level of obsession with anyone else and no, just you. ” He sighs heavily. “Just that I guess…” the message ended. 

“Hey Mob, welp today in stupid things I have done! I almost got run over by a train! A train! A huge metal thing that makes the earth vibrate with each movement and it was on accident! I was sleepy, I got a client that asked me to go at the crack of dawn and I stayed up all night watching a marathon of the first Mobzilla movies afterwards, reason why I was tired, I had earphones on too… I didn't hear or see it until some guy pulled me back by my sweater. I have met death more than a few times but this was the longest, most awkward one I think because I was face to face with the moving carts as they all passed by, I was convinced the friction shaved a piece of my nose! It didn't, this guy really saved me… I've been reeling over it for hours because I don't feel suicidal, for real I don't. It's been a while since I've last made stupid plans and set up a will and letters addressed to no one, three plus years I think? Ah… right I wasn't supposed to tell you that but I’m too shaken. Not all my problems are about my impossible crush on you, I think actually the way I obsess and can't get over you is due to all the other problems.” Mob watches the seconds tick one after the other the call voicemail isn't done yet, after the longest pause in any of the messages Reigen continues. “I keep thinking what if I really had been run over? It's not as if my death would leave lasting damage on anyone, maybe Ekubo, though he acts tough, he'd miss me the most, we spend too much time together, my mother and sister, they'd mourn me but we are not close, the rest… I'm everyone's distant uncle Reigen right? There's my baby but I know you'd care for her. Still… I don't want to die at the moment. Too many unanswered questions and what if hell was real? The incident got me contemplating death all over again. I wish I had asked you if you felt this existential dread… I really hope not. I hope you are as happy as you seem, I never… At one point I realized how we are so different, I felt like you got everything and that was so lovely to me. I stopped thinking of you as a scared little boy, you were just my complete opposite. If you weren't happy… I never thought… oh Mob, I cannot fix that. My bullshit won't work a second time. I… I need to eat something-” the message ended.

Mob typed and re typed a message, his thumb hovered over the call, but it never landed, the message unsent.

“Hey Mob… I was thinking stupid things again… so talking with my mom I was reminded my great grandfather lived to a hundred, my mom's father is still alive and kicking at 96, and grandad Reigen lived to her 90s, conclusion I have longevity genes. I don't know much about their diets or ways of living. Maybe I won't live much myself with all the junk food and chain smoking I did in my 20s but the possibility is there. There's a fourteen age gap between us, what if i outlive you? I don't want to outlive you, and hear me out it is not because I’m in love with you. 70% of the reason is that but considering that you are the undisputed strongest esper in the world and that not even you get it, i'm pretty sure you are somehow shielding the entire country with some weird psychic blanket. If you kick the bucket it's going to vanish and… I don't want to die eaten by ghosts,” Reigen bursts out laughing and it lasts a while. Mob lets out a puff of air from his nose, not particularly finding Reigen's speech amusing but his laughter contagious. “You've no idea how hard it is to stop myself from actually asking these dumb questions to you. Ah maybe I should try asking… bet it would make you stop calling me Shishou.”

“It wouldn't,” Mob says, he shuts his mouth remembering it is just a voice recording.

“-Anyways, I'm going to fix my eating habits and book some doctor's appointments, see if there's a chance I surpass great grandpa Reigen and make it to one hundred and ten.” The message ended. 

“Hey Mob happy birthday, I was going to call, for real call but I bet you are having an intimate one this year, just you and her, I still wanted to say it. Happy birthday love, every year with you in it is worth it.” the message ended. 

"Hey Mob, I love you, please be happy…” the message ended.. 

Mob has heard twenty seven messages that say the same, he counted.

Tsubomi finds Mob crying over a voice mail, arms wrap around his neck and a chin rests on his head, she takes the phone from his hand, he grabs for it and stops when she puts it on the floor. 

“Is it another voice mail from him?”

Mob doesn’t answer, caught. 

Tsubomi runs her fingers through his hair, massaging gently, undoing the knots that formed from swallowing down tears. 

“Whenever he sends one you get sad, I noticed.” Tsubomi rests her cheek on his head and admits: “I shouldn’t have done it but I listened to a couple, you are careless with your phone Shige.”

“Don’t be mad, nothing-” Mob defends quickly.

“I know,” she interrupts “I know he sends you those messages on his own.”

“Please, Reigen is just-”

“Hey, I know, I’m not upset with either of you, I understand that he loves you, it’s painful, the voicemails I don't know how you can endure them,” Tsubomi says bluntly. 

Mob doesn’t want to answer and thankfully Tsubomi doesn’t press him. She holds him. 

“I think you should talk to him, it upsets you so much,” she says quietly.

“I can’t… ” Mob's voice dies and he buries his face in her chest. The messages have done nothing but get more and more unbearable over time. “I don't know how to fix it.” 

“I don’t think you have to Mob. Just talking… that might help, you both,” his wife to be doesn't have to say anything else. Tsubomi is one of the smartest people Mob has ever known. 

Mob listens to tsubomi. 

Mob sends a text to Reigen, asking to see him. Reigen replies quickly inviting him over.  

Reigen’s apartment is in a different part of town, a bigger one that he had before but still manages to look even more cramped than the small one filled with trinkets and memories from the office as well as Reigen’s other exploits. 

“How have you been?” Reigen sets two mugs of tea for them, adjusting his glasses. 

Mob would like to have a pleasant chat, to catch up as usual, but if he does that he’ll escape, he’ll let Reigen fill him with ease and then he’ll get another voicemail. 

Mob takes out his phone instead and presses play. 

   “ Hey Mob, life update!” Reigen’s face turns into complete horror. “ I’m working as a detective now, did I ever tell you that before you stumbled into the office I had plans on becoming one. But then I thought but that’d have me chasing affairs, well it does, and sometimes it’s sad but I also dig the drama? The amount of rich people that pay ridiculous sums just to have a picture of what they already know, it’s actually funny, I get other fun cases though, lots of missing pets. I don't like those cases. Maybe this was my calling or maybe not, I never know.” Reigen reaches for the phone, Mob stops him. “I was dating someone too, two months I… I met him at this gym I go to, he’s nowhere near as ripped as you though, don’t worry but uh well it didn’t work out… he found one of these and got mad… right when it was getting serious, it’s fine though I wasn’t much in the mood, maybe I’m too old for romance, my sweet Woof-chan is a perfect companion, maybe I was never made for relationships, it’s… I think that’s it, otherwise I would have gotten over you in the first year and moved on to someone cool. There’s a broken chip, a healthy relationship chip that cannot be fixed inside my head, it’s… okay if I’m being honest. I just… I wish I didn’t feel so lonely all the time. I wish I wasn’t craving affection like an idiot, I think… I think what I want is just to be close to you, I just want to sit near you and hear you talk about anything, to look at you, but I’d ruin that with unnecessary drama, that’s why I don’t even bother to call anymore, not the real you. I talk to you plenty. But it’s been two years now, and you haven’t called once, your texts have always been dry but this is… I thought I really thought I was fine with you forgetting me, I convinced myself that it was for the best but I… it hurts, you are happy, I am happy you are happy, but it hurts. It always-”

Reigen snatches the phone and turns it off. He drops his face in his hands and mumbles, his frame shakes. “How long?”

“Two years.”

“Fuck. I should have known, wait did she hear one? Shit mob i’ll talk to her, I’ll fix it-

“No, Shishou it’s not that.”

“I’ll explain everything, it’s not your fault, I-I promise-”

“Reigen…” Mob sighs. 

“I’m sorry, you weren’t meant, it was never-actually it was a prank, a-a-a stupid dare Ekubo came up with, we shouldn’t have, it was stupid, please forget everything, you’ll never get another one of those tasteless-”

“I know it’s not a prank Reigen,” Mob says slowly. “I’m not dumb, I’ve known you for so long… I can tell if you are honest.”

“Right,” Reigen says tonelessly, he sits back on the couch staring into nothing for a very long moment, when he turns to Mob his eyes are red. “Go ahead Shigeo.”

“With what?”

“What you came for… I can guess what’s on your mind so… go ahead, you’ve heard enough from me so now I should listen to you…” 

Reigen picks at his nails as he speaks, his leg bounces on the floor. 

Mob stares into his eyes, the barely disguised vulnerability in them, he doesn’t know what to say so he looks away, to his hands, he doesn’t fidget much anymore, he grew out of that. 

“I don’t know…” Mob starts. “I don’t know what to do… is it- should I start with-I’ve never felt that way about you,” Mob blurts. 

Reigen doesn’t flinch, Mob thinks, he’s not really looking at him.

“I know that,” Reigen says in a small voice. “I know that over any other fact in my life Mob.”

“I don’t know how to fix it,” Mob continues hating the brokenness in his voice, it’s worse than the voicemails, not looking Mob still feels the shifts, his posture sagging, his hands going deathly still. 

“You don’t have to fix anything,” Reigen says. “It's not your concern, it never was.”

“But you are sad, and it’s all my fault, I-I-I after you lied to me that second time I- I wanted to ignore it to call you out on it but I… it hurts me too, hearing you so upset, I never meant to hurt you like that-”

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t worry about some old man’s-”

“You don’t deserve it, you’ve done so much for me, I wouldn’t be what I am now, where I am now if I hadn’t met you, you are not disposable, you are someone I could never forget, I love you too just not how you want me to and that is not fair, I hate knowing that you hate yourself for something you can’t help, I hate that it’s over me, I hate your voicemails, I hate that I can’t stop listening to them, I hate that they make me feel important, that a part of me is pleased hearing you cry over me, I hate that I can’t give you what you want, I hate-” Mob realizes he’s crying when Reigen reaches for his face cupping it gently and wiping thick tears off his cheeks. “I hate that I can’t fix it, please tell me what to do.”

Reigen smiles, a soft shaky expression. “It’s okay,” he says. 

“It’s not, I don’t want you to be lonely and broken and hurt, you should be happy.”

“I am.”

“You are not,” Mob slaps his hand away. “You are lying.”

“No Mob listen-”

“You keep lying, but you don't lie, not to me , why is it different? Why couldn't you say that to my face, I would have Shishou I really would have-”

Reigen puts a hand to his mouth, he presses it to his lips stopping any further speech. 

Reigen shrugs, letting his hand fall on top of his. “I’m a lucky guy, you know? I have a fun life, great friends, a lovely dog-daughter, I can’t complain.”

“But you do! You send me those-it’s horrible.”

“I know, I never meant to, 90% of me didn’t at least,” he sighs, his thumb rubs over Mob’s knuckles one at a time. “I am in fact, not a very good person after all.” he smiles bitterly. 

“You are.”

“Thank you Mob, that makes me feel better.”

“If we… if I…” Mob takes Reigen’s face between his palms, his eyes widened at the closeness. “That ought to make it better, I could fix it.”

Reigen takes his hands, he leans forward, Mob thinks he can do it, it’s just a kiss, Tsubomi will-she’ll understand. Reigen presses his forehead to his, for a moment then pries his hands away from his face. 

“I know you so well,” Reigen whispers. “I knew you’d try.” Reigen opens his eyes. “It’s a vent journal, my first therapist said it would help me open up, saying all the things I had pent up.” he sits back, away from Mob. “At first I spoke to myself, I said so many silly and awful things and I’d reply back with even more shit, I cried until my head hurt and ended up always feeling worse. It was a counterproductive exercise, sadly. “My second therapist said I could picture someone sympathetic, someone who said the opposite to all my negativity, it didn’t really work till… till I started picturing you, the first time I pictured you fully I was really drunk, you probably didn’t hear that one, I was drunk and on the verge of doing something silly, after picturing you I realized I didn’t want to do that silly thing, I didn’t want to make you upset,” he smiles. “I’m glad you didn’t hear that one. I delete them after sending them, I’ve been doing them for 7 years now.”

“Shishou…”

“They help a lot actually, do you want to know why?”

He moves forward again cradling his hands. “Because you thought I was a good person after I used you for years and said horrible things to you, because you listened to me despite not having to, and you almost put the relationship of your dreams in danger just to make me happy for a moment, you think it’s unfair. Hey Mob,” Reigen lifts his head meeting his eyes. “You’d never hate me, that’s a lie. I think it’s a combination of you being an idiot and the purest moron in the world that makes you unable to,” Reigen snorted.

“You are kind, so kind. You can’t tell, but they make me feel better, each time, even when I end them crying because I picture you, and it’s enough.”

“I wanted so many things when I was your age, and younger than you, I could never really focus, I have fun though, I really do.”

Mob hugs Reigen tightly. “You should have told me, I would have, we could have made it work, I really, I love you too.”

It’s not much of a realization Mob’s always known he loved this man.

“That is why I didn't,” Reigen rests his chin on his head, returning the hug. “It’s okay Mob.”

The remain tangled together for a very long time but none of them dare to part or mention anything, Reigen runs his fingers through Mob’s hair and if his breath hitches from time to time Mob hugs him tighter, he needed this, they both did.

Eventually the silence had to be broken, of course it was Reigen who took on the role of the most rational one. 

“Have you popped the question yet?”

“Who told you?”

“Ekubo is a gossip, though I could imagine it since day, you’ve been pining for too long,” Reigen’s laughter rumbled in Mob’s ear, it was a pleasant sound. 

“I’m afraid she’ll say no,” Mob voiced burrowing closer to Reigen. 

“It is a little early, it’s wiser to wait a little, move in together for a bit or do it now,” Reigen pet Mob’s hair and rubbed his shoulders. “I’m kinda talking out of my ass right now, I’ve never been in a serious relationship.”

“What about the um gym guy?”

Mob wondered why they hadn’t made a habit of touching like this when he was younger, it was so pleasant, so relaxing to speak like this, Reigen was being honest even. 

“Ah we were just fucking a lot if I’m honest, and sex isn’t really, I don’t like it much, took me a long time to realize that is okay. I was down in the dumps and he had a fetish for older men,” Reigen shrugs. “Not serious.”

“Ah… I’m sorry.”

“What for idiot?”

Mob clings a little while longer, reluctant.  

“Will you come to my wedding?”

“Absolutely.”

“But it’d be painful to-”

“Painful? Getting to see you in a tux or are you thinking traditional clothes? Regardless you’d look so handsome, oh and I’ve always wanted to see you bawl at the sight of your bride, it’s in the bucket list.”

“I can’t tell if you are lying right now.”

“Well… trust me.”

Mob stared into Reigen’s eyes for an uncomfortably long time, Reigen held his stare with a mix of unreadable emotions, he was too good at masking himself. 

“Okay Shishou.”

“Good boy.”

“I’m 27.”

“Good man.”

Reigen propped Mob up and away from himself, he still had that painful looking smile on his face that made Mob’s insides twist. 

“I know it's a pain,” Reigen started, avoiding his eyes.  “But could you change your number and not give it to me for some time? I don't want you to get anymore of my messages.”

“But you need them,” Mob protested. 

“I didn't say I'd stop,” Reigen’s smile turned sheepish. “ You need to stop listening to them and I know you won't so…”

“... I can,” Mob says reluctantly.

“Great and don't give the new one to me for at least five months.”

“Five months is so long

“Hey last time we spoke was six months ago idiot,” Reigen flicks his nose.

“Ah…” 

Mob hugs him again and Reigen clings. They don't say much else after that.

“I'm glad you came today,” Reigen says at the door. 

Mob gives a curt nod and leaves. 

A full year later with not a single voicemail received Mob sends a text to Reigen, he gets an absolutely I will be there as a response. Mob is glad. 

All Mob can think about is Tsubomi, his bride is absolutely breathtaking on the regular but clad in white and walking towards him with a smile she's brighter than the sun. Mob sees his friends almost as an afterthought until the party, everyone seems happy for him but no one seems happier than Reigen. The man beams in a way that looks almost painful, he congratulates Tsubomi on their first official meeting singing praises to her dress and choice of groom, Mob has only heard such compliments through painful messages but he doesn't think about them now, not even when Reigen asks her to dance and them him, Mob feels happy, he really does. 

“Hey Mob, you know when you picture something and you convince yourself that something is fine, like seeing the love of your life marrying another, the happiness on their face that it couldn't hurt because it meant they are so happy. It's bullshit… I felt sick the moment I saw you smiling her way. I wasn't lying when I told you i'd be happy you were happy, I didn't know it would affect me this much. There's nothing noble about the way I feel about you. I don't know what the point of this call is, I don't want you to hear it and if you do I want you to get mad. I want you to yell at me to stop, to get help and leave you alone. But even if you heard this it won't happen, you hate confrontation, you believed every word I said that day, you are naive and hopeless. I hope you fall so deep in marital bliss that you forget about my existence for the longest time. I hope you don't try to call or text, I hope you forget about me entirely, I bet you will you say you won't, I know you are not that noble, I could see it in your face, you were relieved I never told you of my feelings directly, you are an open book to me. I wish you the best, but my life would have been so much simpler if I never met you… But if I’m honest… I’m so glad we met.” the message ended. 

Mob never gets to hear the message, it was sent to a long deactivated number along with so many others.